


kissed by the sun

by lostariels



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Betrayal, F/F, Slow Burn, There will be side ships with supercorp bc arranged marriages etc, Torture, angst upon angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 07:03:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 60
Words: 246,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11618439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostariels/pseuds/lostariels
Summary: “Zor-El, we have a daughter,” Alura tearfully said, cradling the baby close as her husband reached out to stroke the child’s cheek with a shaking hand.“She is beautiful,” Zor-El murmured. “And fair. She will be beloved by all, and so her name shall be Kara.”The High Priestess approached the end of the bed, and the king and queen looked at her as she spoke, for the words of the High Priestess were treated with the utmost respect and importance.“She has been kissed by the sun.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been tossing up the idea of a medieval fic for a while now, and while I should probs finish my other fic, here I am, writing it anyway. Feedback is greatly appreciated, and I hope you enjoy :)

           She was born on the winter solstice, on a stormy day where the rain had poured unrelentingly from dawn until dusk. The rain had thrashed the windows, and a chill had seeped into the room, despite the fire that roared in the hearth, but just before the sun dipped down beyond the horizon, the rain stopped – just for a moment – and the sun pierced the gloomy sky, shining into the room. With a final push, and an ear-splitting scream, the baby was born.

 

            The baby didn’t cry, and at first they thought there was something wrong with her, but she just blinked up at them with intelligent blue eyes. A collective sigh of relief ran through everyone gathered in the room as the baby was wrapped in a blanket and lain across her mother’s chest.

 

            “Your majesty, it’s a girl.”

 

            “Tell the king,” the queen commanded, staring down at the baby as a priestess wiped the sweat from her brow. She smiled widely down at her, gently stroking the baby’s fair hair.

 

            The High Priestess nodded and with a small bow, departed the room. She hurried down the hallway, coming out into an ante-chamber where the king was anxiously pacing with the other members of the council and the rest of the house of El. The High Priestess was plainly clothed in a hooded robe that hid her face in the shadows, yet her presence commanded respect, and everyone’s attention snapped to her as she glided into the room and bowed before the king. Her face was hidden behind a copper mask that dimly glowed red as it caught the light of the candles, yet the smile was evident in her voice as she spoke.

 

            “Your majesty, the child is born. It is a girl. Born during the hour of Rao, she is fair, and arrived during a moment of light on this auspicious day. A sure sign of Rao’s blessing of the new princess.”

 

            The king let out a sigh of relief, a smile of joy and pride lighting up his face as he strode out of the room, closely followed by the High Priestess. They retraced the path she had taken moments before, coming upon the queen’s room and entering. The king rushed to her beside, kneeling beside her as he looked upon the face of his daughter.

 

            “Zor-El, we have a daughter,” Alura tearfully said, cradling the baby close as her husband reached out to stroke the child’s cheek with a shaking hand.

 

            “She is beautiful,” Zor-El murmured. “And fair. She will be beloved by all, and so her name shall be Kara.”

 

            The High Priestess approached the end of the bed, and the king and queen looked at her as she spoke, for the words of the High Priestess were treated with the utmost respect and importance.

 

            “She has been kissed by the sun.”

 

\---

 

            True to her name, Kara was loved by all, and was doted on by all who served the kingdom. She was brilliantly smart, with a heart of gold, and a fierce stubbornness that rivalled her mother’s. Afforded all that her title and power could offer her, she was trained in combat by the greatest warriors, given the best tutors in the realm, and spent her free time running wild with the other children of the court. She had no siblings, but found comfort in her friendship with the children of the lords and lady’s, none more so than Lena of house Luthor, the daughter of the richest family in the kingdom. She was given everything she could ever dream of, but despite her comfortable and protected childhood, there was unrest in the kingdom, and while Kara was shielded from it, the strain within the monarchy was too much, and betrayal grew from within.

 

            She was thirteen the day her world was torn from her; the day her parents were murdered before her very eyes as she helplessly watched. For all the power of her family’s name, and their crown, there was nothing she could do to stop it. It was late at night, she should’ve been asleep, but she’d stayed up late to watch the storm from her bedroom window. The air was filled with static as lightening tore across the sky, and Kara’s face lit up in delight – it was breathtaking. It was a few moments of darkness before the lightning crackled across the sky again, this time illuminating the figures rushing out into the courtyard, paying the heavy rain no mind.

 

            At the same time, a horse trotted into the courtyard, the rider drenched and shivering as they reined in their horse and dismounted. The inaudible shout was lost by the booming thunder, and Kara frowned as she leant further out her window, trying to catch a glimpse of the mysterious rider.

 

            The hood was thrown back, and at first she thought it was her mother, until she saw the white lock of hair that marked her as touched by the ice goddess herself, Cythonna. Two of the figures that had run out into the courtyard lowered their own hoods. Her parents stood shoulder to shoulder, and a few feet away stood her aunt, Astra. She’d been missing from court for months, and Kara had missed her dearly, confused as to why she never stayed. Below, she could see her parents arguing with her aunt, and Kara watched with interest, wondering what they were so angry about; she’d never seen them so angry before.

 

            Moments later, her aunt turned her back on her parents and stalked into the castle, leaving the king and queen stood in the rain with a group of guards. Forehead creased in confusion, Kara watched as the darkness was split by the lightening and one of the men was pushed down to his knees, and watched as her father unsheathed his sword, holding it in both hands with the point towards the ground. The next flash illuminated him stood in the rain, his eyes closed as his lips mumbled a prayer. As another bolt of lightening split the night, Kara watched with wide eyes as her father raised the sword and brought it down on the man’s neck, severing it in one heavy blow.

 

            Jerking back from the window, Kara’s mouth fell open in horror, barely daring to believe what she’d just seen her father do. Of course she knew that he’d sentenced criminals and oathbreakers to death before, and killed them at his own hand, as was their custom, yet to see him so cruelly take a man’s like was jarring to Kara. He was a gentle, caring man; he was her father, but the man below her in the courtyard was a stranger to her.

 

            Hesitantly approaching the window again, she watched as her mother strode into the castle, and her father stood watching as the guards started dragging the headless corpse away to be burnt as unrelenting rain washed away the blood. Only two guards were at her father’s side when a group of hooded figures streamed into the courtyard and circled the three figures. Kara watched with disgusted interest, waiting to see what would happen next as she watched all of the figures draw their weapons. They were all still for a moment, and the night was eerily quiet. Just for a moment as lightening arced across the sky, and Kara realised what was about to happen. With the next peal of thunder, the person who had led them into the courtyard sprang forward, swinging their sword with deadly skill. With horror, she watched as her father engaged the one in front of him in a fight, the clanging of steel on steel lost in the thunder that seemed to shake the sky.

 

            The fight wasn’t a long one, and Kara let out a hoarse shout as she watched her father fall to his knees, his sword clattering to the ground as the cloaked man’s sword speared him through his chest. His eyes glanced up at his daughter’s window, almost as if he knew she was watching, and tears streamed down Kara’s face as she watched the man draw a knife across her father’s throat.

 

            Stumbling back from the window, Kara picked up the small dagger on the table and ran over to her door, yanking it open and running barefoot down the hallway. It was freezing cold, the flagstones numbing her feet as she hurried through the deserted passageways.

 

            “Kara!” the shout came from her mother, whose face was ghostly white in the flicker of the torches lining the walls.

 

            “Mother!” Kara cried, running towards her and throwing her arms around her waist, burying her face in her chest. “Father. Th-there are soldiers. They k-killed him, mother.”

 

            Alura’s arms forcibly pushed her daughter away from her, and she knelt down in front of her, cupping Kara’s tear-stained face in her hands. “What do you mean?” she sharply asked, brushing the tears away with quick, gentle fingers. “Speak quickly, child.”

 

            “Th-there are men, mother. I was watching from the window. Y-you killed that man, and then they c-came out. They’ve killed f-father,” Kara sobbed, and Alura’s eyes went wide as her mouth fell open in shock. A movement behind Kara caught her attention, and she was on her feet in an instant, pushing Kara behind her to protect her.

 

            “You’ll not survive this,” Alura told the person approaching from the other end of the hallway. “Your bodies will not be burnt, and you’ll not make it to Rao’s hall for what you have done here this night. I swear that to you.”

 

            The figure was silent as they approached, and Alura stubbornly raised her chin to meet her death with honour, having no weapon to defend herself. “Run now, my daughter,” she murmured to Kara, who was clutching to the skirts of her mother’s dress in terror. She still had the knife gripped in one hand and as her mother gently pushed her backwards, Kara glanced down at it.

 

            She darted past the man as he swung out with his sword, catching Alura in the stomach as she failed to dodge the blow, and Kara paused, turning around and plunging the knife into the soft part of the man’s back. He let out a roar of pain, whirling around in anger and Kara stumbled backwards, barely escaping a scratch from the tip of his sword. She stared at her mother as she wrestled the sword from his hand, screaming in pain as the man grabbed his dagger and plunged it in between her ribs. As he grabbed a fistful of Alura’s dark hair, dragging her downwards, she kicked him in between the legs, and he stumbled to his knees. He was level with Kara, and one look into her mother’s terrified eyes gave her the strength to draw the knife across his throat as she’d watched that other person do to her father only minutes before.

 

            A fountain of blood sprayed across the front of Kara’s nightdress and face, painting her deathly pale skin and the white cloth a startling shade of red. Kara watched as the man’s hands uselessly clawed at his throat, and he collapsed to the floor with a gurgled choking sound before falling silent. She’d killed him. She’d killed him to save her mother, and then Kara was turning to Alura, whose face was drawn in pain as she clutched a hand to the stab wound from the sword – the dagger still peeking out from between her ribs.

 

            “Mother!” Kara cried, dropping to her side and covering her mother’s hands with her own, watching as they were stained red by the pooling blood. “I’ll fetch a healer.”

 

            “No,” Alura winced, stopping Kara from standing with a firm hand. “It’s too late for me. You have to go. Go somewhere safe, and keep yourself hidden, but it’s important that you find your way back. You find your way home. Kara, my brave daughter, be wise, be strong and always be true to yourself. You will be a queen of which the like Krypton has never seen.”

 

            Footsteps behind Kara made her whip her head around, and she let out a sob of relief as she took in the sight of her aunt. “Aunt Astra! Please, help me. Mother’s hurt,” Kara begged her. A sad look flickered across Astra’s face as she took in the sight of her niece drenched in the blood of her mother and the man she’d killed, and she looked at her sister with a pained look on her face.

 

            “Astra, please. Take her,” Alura choked out. “For the love you bear your niece and the love you once bore me, take her somewhere safe. Keep her hidden until she is ready. You will redeem yourself if you do this for me.”

 

            “Keep still, sister,” Astra murmured, gently prying Kara’s hands off her and taking their place.

 

            Alura grabbed her sister by the front of her doublet, pulling her closer. “Promise me,” she hissed.

 

            “I promise,” Astra vowed, bowing her head slightly. With a sigh of relief, Alura let her go and gave Kara a tearful smile as she reached out to cup her cheek with a shaky hand.

 

            “I love you, my daughter. El mayarah.”

 

            Kara let out a heartbroken scream of anguish as her mother’s face transformed into a stony mask, the light fading from her eyes as stiffened. “No, no, mother! Mother, please,” Kara begged, while next to her Astra recited the Prayer of the Dead.

 

            Finishing the prayer, Astra clasped a fist over her heart and bowed her head to her fallen queen and sister, before climbing to her feet and dragging Kara to her own. Kara stubbornly threw herself back down to her mother’s side, clutching fistfuls of her dress as she tried to shake her awake. She was roughly pulled to her feet again and throw over her aunt’s shoulders as she hurried them away from the dead bodies.

 

            “Hush now, little one,” Astra commanded her. “We have to get you away from here. We have to keep you safe.”

 

            She was taken back to her rooms, and her aunt quickly found her riding leathers and washed the blood from her hands and face with a damp cloth, before forcing her into the clean clothes. A cloak was draped around her shoulders, and Astra tied it with shaking hands, before pressing a kiss to her niece’s forehead. “Quickly now, we must get away.”

 

            They snuck through the castle, and Astra hid her away in an abandoned room in the servant’s quarters while she went to saddle the horse for them, returning ten minutes later with an angry look on her face. Kara silently obeyed her as she was led over to a saddled horse and her uncle, Non, gently lifted her up onto the mare. He exchanged a knowing look with her aunt, who swung herself up behind Kara onto the horse she’d arrived on not yet an hour earlier.

 

            “Keep our queen safe. She is our last hope,” her uncle told Astra, who nodded before kicking her heels into the horse’s flank. _Queen._ Kara was the queen now. They galloped out of the stables, the harsh wind and cold rain chilling them to their bones within moments, and Kara silently cried as she pulled her cloak tightly around her.

 

\---

 

            They rode through the night, and Kara’s sobs subsided into violent shivering as the weak, wintery sun bathed everything in a grey light. Dawn was approaching and Kara was tired, and saddle sore, and her voice was hoarse as she spoke. “Aunt, where are we going?”

 

            The question was met with silence as Astra sat upright, scanning their surroundings as she urged the horse to keep going. Numb and tired, Kara’s stubbornness flared up and she set her jaw forward as she spoke again. “I want to stop.”

 

            “Hush, my child,” Astra murmured. “We cannot. We must be far away before they come looking. The job has not been finished – they will come.”

 

            Kara was silent after that, but a few miles later, Astra reined in the horse and swung herself down, before lifting Kara off the horse and setting her down on the grass. The horse was led over to a stream that had yet to freeze over, and Kara knelt down and gratefully drank the icy water too, noticing a fleck of blood in the crease of her fingernail. She couldn’t help but wonder if it was her mother’s or from the man she’d killed. Scraping it away, she climbed to her feet, wincing as her sore back and legs protested, and walked around in circles as she watched her aunt rifle through the saddlebags. A slightly withered apple was pulled out, and Astra cut in in half with a small dagger, handing Kara the larger half before swinging her back up onto the horse. With a weary sigh, Kara silently ate her apple as they set off towards wherever her aunt was taking them. Before long, her sleepless night caught up with her, and she lay back against her aunt, her head lolling as she dozed.

 

            Still they kept riding, over endless fields of frozen grass, through thickets of skeletal trees, and over trickles of water that had frozen over for the winter. They rode for three days before they reached their destination. There had been no food, save from the meagre half an apple and a hunk of stale bread, and the only water they had was from large rivers that had yet to freeze over, which they rarely crossed paths with. Eventually though, they graced the top of a hill, and Kara stared down at the tower in the middle of the clearing at the bottom of the valley, fighting the urge to rub her tired eyes as they itched from a lack of sleep.

 

            It reached up for the sky, a lonely spear of dull grey stone that matched the dreary sight of the wintery countryside. In summer she guessed it would be beautiful and full of life, but in the pale light of the early morning, it was bleak and barren as she stared at the bare trees that surrounded it for miles in each direction. Kara knew where she was – or at least she knew what kind of place she was at – but she was confused as to why she had been brought to _this_ temple. She would be safe here – no doubt about it – for no one would attack one of god’s temples, but it was not the largest, nor the most renowned of their house’s of worship. Astra gently nudged the horse onwards, picking their way down into the valley as they wound through the skeletal forest, towards the temple. The rain had stopped a few hours before dawn, and Kara shivered in her wet clothes as her breath clouded before her – it was further north than she was used to, and the cold had snatched all warmth from her body. She had a feeling like she would never be warm again, and more than anything, she wanted to go home.

 

            As they approached, Kara could see the figures of priests and priestesses rushing around as they got started on their daily duties, and she watched as their attention was drawn to the strangers on the horse. One of them darted off, and a few moments later, returned with another similarly clad person – or at least Kara assumed it was the same person; she couldn’t tell when they were all wearing the same brown robes and copper masks.

 

            Nothing distinguished the woman from the others as she approached the horse, yet she was clearly the High Priestess of the temple, and she inclined her head slightly as Astra swung down off her horse and strode a few steps towards her. She inclined her head slightly too, out of respect for one of the servants of the gods, careful to make sure her hood did not slip down.

 

            “You are welcome here, strangers,” the woman said, gesturing a hand to the temple behind her.

 

            “I am but passing through, High Priestess,” Astra replied, and Kara frowned, shooting her aunt’s back a confused look. “But I have a need to speak with you in private.”

 

            “Very well. Please, let us warm ourselves by the fireside as we talk. You and your daughter look like you are in much need of it,” the woman said, patiently waiting for Astra to help Kara down off the horse. She wouldn’t let her aunt lift her down though, instead she stubbornly sat on the horse, clutching the reins in her hands as she frowned at Astra.

 

            “Kara, please,” Astra begged, her voice barely a whisper so that no one could hear her words. Kara would be safe here – but not as Kara. There were too many eyes and ears here, even if they were acolytes of the gods. Her patience wearing thin, Astra roughly pulled her from the horse and set her down beside her, taking her hand and quickly following after the High Priestess.

 

            The tower loomed above them, and Kara felt tiny as she craned her neck upwards to look at the top. She looked back down as they approached an archway, walking through the small tunnel to come out in a cobblestoned courtyard. A pool of still water took up the middle of the courtyard, and in its centre, a small island where a massive tree grew. Its trunk was white, and gnarled branches created a canopy, plunging the pool into shadow. Kara stared at the tree – at the bright red and orange leaves that cleaved the dull grey of the surroundings as the tree looked like it was on fire – and felt a pull towards it. It was one of Rao’s trees. Every temple and every godswood had at least one, and Kara felt comforted by the familiar sight of the tree. They didn’t linger in the courtyard though, and as they skirted around the pool, they were led through a tunnel at the back of the tower, and through a side door before they could find themselves back outside the temple.

 

            Torches lined the curved walls of the tower, and the High Priestess led them further down the hallway before opening a wooden door and leading them into a small room. As promised, a fire crackled merrily in the hearth, and Astra quickly dragged Kara over to it, pushing her down to the floor so that she could dry. The room was dark, lit only by the fire, but it was clean and more importantly it was warm, and the two travellers were grateful for the platter of food that was offered to the by the High Priestess - an ancient rite of hospitality. 

 

            “I was there the day she was born,” the High Priestess said, breaking the silence. Astra spun around to look at her in alarm, a slither of cheese halfway to her mouth, but the High Priestess just waved her over to a wooden chair and poured the three of them some water. “I was just a priestess at the time, training at the temple in Kandor. I was there the day that the crown princess, Kara Zor-El, was born, saw the sunlight split the storm just for a moment. The High Priestess said that she was blessed by Rao himself - kissed by the sun. Forgive me though, my lady, I am unsure whether I am addressing your majesty, or her sister, for I cannot see Cythonna's mark beneath your hood.”

 

            “The queen is dead,” Astra bluntly said, and the High Priestess’ head snapped over to look at her as she inhaled sharply. “I vowed to see my niece to safety. This is the furthest temple from Kandor – perhaps her blessing from Rao will keep her safe in the god's house. You will take her.” It wasn’t a request; it was an order.

 

            The High Priestess inclined her head, glancing over at the princess sat by the fire. “And what would you have me do?”

 

            “Teach her. Prepare her for the throne as best you can. I will return for her on her twenty-first name day – the winter solstice. Until then, you _will_ keep her safe. You will show her love, and raise her to be happy.”

 

            “I will raise her as if she were my own daughter,” the High Priestess promised. Astra nodded her thanks, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders at the promise of the woman. Those of the religious guild were well respected in Krypton, and she knew a vow by this woman would be kept until her dying breath.

 

            “Remove your mask,” Astra commanded her, and the High Priestess hesitated, her copper mask glowing in the firelight.

 

            “Forgive me, my lady, I am not permitted to show my face to those outside this house.”

 

            “Remove your mask,” Astra ordered her again. “I would look upon the face of the person I am to entrust the queen to.” Bowing her head, the High Priestess lowered her hood, revealing golden curls, and then her hands went to the leather strap holding the mask to her face. Looking up, she met Astra’s gaze, her blue eyes steady as she lifted her chin. “Your name?”

 

            “Eliza, of house Danvers,” the High Priestess told her.

 

            Astra nodded for a moment, taking in the blue eyes and golden curls of the High Priestess. She glanced over at her niece, whose colouring was similar. They were both an oddity in this land, and their golden hair was met with reverence. It would not be difficult to believe that they were mother and daughter. Climbing to her feet, Astra nodded more to herself than to Eliza. “You are similarly blessed by Rao. I hope that you will raise her well in the sun god’s light.”

 

            Kara had quietly listened to the conversation, letting the words sink in as she sulked about the fact that her aunt was to leave her here. She would lose all of her family this night. Yet, as she was led to believe, she was to receive a new family with this High Priestess. She looked up at Astra as she approached and then knelt before her, gently cupping her niece’s face in her hands.

 

            “Little one, I must go now. I will rule in your stead until you are ready, and you must stay here and learn. Do not tell anyone who you are – do not tell them your name. From now on you must go by … Kiera. You must keep your identity a secret, for your own safety. Do you understand me, child?”

 

            Kara nodded, her eyes filling with tears as she stared at the face that was identical to her mother’s – aside from the white streak, the only thing that had differentiated her. She didn’t want to say goodbye to her, she didn’t want to say goodbye to her old life. There hadn’t even been enough time to say goodbye to her friends – not to Lena, or James, nor Winn. She would say goodbye to everything now, as her aunt left her alone in this foreign temple on the opposite side of her kingdom. Yet, she had to do it. “I understand.”

 

            “Good. Here, keep this. It is- _was_ your mother’s. Keep it and remember who you are, and I will find you again,” Astra promised, tying a golden ring emblazoned with the crest of house El on a leather thong, and then tying it around Kara’s neck. “I will take my leave now, your majesty. Remember where you come from; el mayarah.”

 

            Kara threw her arms around Astra’s neck, holding on tightly as she sobbed into her shoulder. “I don’t want you to leave,” she cried.

 

            Running a hand over her golden hair, Astra held her close for a moment. “I will return for you, little one. Until then, you must do your duty and make your house proud.”

 

            Pulling back, she brushed Kara’s hair back and pressed a kiss to her forehead. Kara sniffled as she wiped her eyes and stubbornly lifted her chin – Astra was right, she had to do her duty now. Without another word, Astra stood and nodded once to Eliza before striding out of the door, sparing a backwards glance at her niece and smiling sadly.

 

            The door banged shut, and Kara looked at the High Priestess, both afraid and in awe of the woman. The woman drifted closer, crouching down in front of her and giving her a warm smile. “Come now, Kiera, let’s get you some dry clothes,” she said in a soothing tone, and Kara blinked in surprise at the sound of her new name - it was going to take some getting used to. Holding out a hand, she waited for Kara to take it and after warily eyeing it, Kara let herself be pulled to her feet.

 

            “Yes, High Priestess,” Kara said, bowing her head slightly.

 

            Quietly laughing, the woman ran a hand over Kara’s golden hair. “You need not be formal with me, your majesty. If I am to be your new mother, then you may call me as such, or by Eliza if you would prefer.”

 

            “As you wish,” Kara said, throwing her shoulders back as Eliza led her out of the room, her face still bare of her mask. Quickly, she led them up the nearest staircase, higher and higher, until they came to the top of the staircase. Kara blinked in surprise, looking around the room as she took in the bookshelves that stretched endlessly around the walls. Weak sunlight streamed in through arched windows, illuminating the room, and Kara took a hesitant step towards one of the wooden desks that held ink and parchment and an old leather-bound tome that lay open. She loved to read, but she had seen nothing like this library, and she glanced around with wonder.

 

            “We are devoted to the gods, but we are also scholars here,” Eliza told her. “There is naught that we do not study here, and we shall teach it to you too. Come, let me introduce you to your new sister.” A nervous look flickered across Kara’s face, and her throat bobbed as she followed Eliza round the curved room. They were halfway around the tower before they spotted a girl with long dark hair climbing down one of the ladders attached to the shelves. She was thirty feet up in the air, a book clasped under one arm as she confidently placed foot after foot on the rungs. “Alexandra.”

 

            The girl looked down in surprise, smiling at her mother and casting Kara a curious glance. She doubled her pace, and a few moments later she landed on the floor and strode towards them both, carefully holding onto the book. “Mother.”

 

            “Have you seen anyone else in here?”

 

            “No. Lyra left not yet a half hour before,” the girl said. Kara looked at her with interest – she didn’t look like her mother, yet Kara knew that she could trust her just as much.

 

            “Come, my daughter. Leave your work, we must talk,” Eliza said, placing a hand on Kara’s shoulder and steering her back the way they came. They made their way back downstairs, and into a room filled with chests and shelves. Pulling a roughspun brown tunic and matching leggings out of some chests, Eliza handed them to Kara, who quickly started to unfasten her still damp cloak.

 

            “Alexandra, what I tell you now does not leave this room. It is of utmost importance – a secret that you must guard with your life. You must swear it upon the gods,” Eliza told her daughter, drawing a small knife from deep within her robes. She passed the knife over to her daughter, who frowned in confusion, but still took it. Her mother had never asked her to make a blood oath before, yet she knew what it entailed.

 

            Running the knife over the back of her hand, the girl drew a shallow line of blood. “I swear it upon the gods.”

 

            Taking the knife back, Eliza gestured to Kara, who was halfway through exchanging her leather doublet for the hooded tunic. “This is the queen.”

 

            “The queen? Mother, she is a child,” the girl laughed.

 

            “The queen is dead,” Eliza sharply told her, and the girl’s laughter died in her throat. She quickly formed a fist over her heart and knelt before the queen, before Eliza told her to rise – they could not be seen paying respects to this girl who was to pass for a commoner. “The queen is to stay with us until she is to return home to be crowned. She is to be your sister, and you will treat her as such, Alex.”

 

            “ _Sister?_ ” Alex echoed incredulously. “I do not understand.”

 

            “No one can know who she is. You will address her as Kiera, if anyone asks, she is your sister, and you will not speak of what you know. You will accompany her everywhere – if she is harmed then we are all doomed – and you will teach her everything you know, and more. You will share your quarters with her, and you will treat her as your sister. If it comes down to it, I ask that you protect her with your life. I cannot trust anyone else with this,” Eliza said, and her daughter looked at her with thinly veiled irritation and surprise. “Am I understood?”

 

            “Yes mother,” the girl murmured, casting her new sister a sideways look.

 

            Letting out a sigh of relief, Eliza nodded. “Go now. Finish your duties and then we shall break fast and worship.”

 

            Inclining her head, Alex opened the door, grabbing a small copper mask off a shelf before walking out into the hallway. “Here. All servants of the gods must wear the mask outside of the temple. If you venture outside the walls of this place, make sure you are wearing it.”

 

            “Thank you,” Kara mumbled, taking the unadorned mask and running her fingers over the smooth metal. They started making their way back upstairs to the library, and the twisting staircases were starting to make Kara feel dizzy.

 

            “I am sorry for your loss,” the girl murmured, bowing her head slightly in respect. Kara inclined her head, her eyes stinging as tears threatened to form. “We shall light a fire tonight in memorial. I hope that Rao will bless your reign.”

 

            Kara quickly looked at her, her tone sharp as she spoke. “I am _not_ the queen. I’m … Kiera.”

 

            “Well then, dear sister, you may call me Alex,” she replied with a wry smile. “Now, the hour of Telle is upon us and we have duties to attend to before we may break fast. Come along.”

 

            Lips twitching in a small smile, Kara looked at Alex with respect at the indifference she showed the young queen. “Yes sister.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So some of this stuff is pulled from the comics i.e. guilds, gods and cities, but some of it will made up I guess because there's not a lot to go on

            Almost eight years passed by, and Kara soon adjusted to her new lifestyle. It was strange at first – she’d never had any duties to perform as a princess, she’d been free to run wild and do as she please – but she fell into the routine of the temple soon enough, and attached herself to Alex as much as possible. No one knew who she was, and they accepted her as Eliza’s daughter without much comment, and as some of the acolytes left for other temples, the new arrivals didn’t know any better. It was the perfect hiding place for Kara, and soon her old life faded to the back of her mind.

 

            Her days were spent cooking meals in the kitchen, foraging for herbs, cleaning the dozens of rooms in the tower, but mostly – reading and learning everything that she could. Under the guidance of the various priests and priestesses, she learnt history and science, art and arithmetic, religion and languages. Everything that she needed to know to rule – and even things she didn’t need to know – she was taught. In the summer she would spend her spare time running free through the surrounding forest and fields with Alex, and they’d pick blackberries and use sticks as pretend swords. In the winter they’d stay inside by the fire, hiding from the howling wind and numbing cold, and Alex would tell Kara stories while she had her hair braided.

 

            Eliza had told Alex to treat Kara like her sister, and they truly were sisters. They did everything together, and there was no one that Kara trusted more. She didn’t think the she could trust Alex more even if they were related by blood – but it made no difference to her that they weren’t. In Kara’s mind, she was every bit her sister, and the longer she stayed at the temple, the less she wanted to leave. Only snippets of her old life stayed with her. The lightening flashing as her father’s throat was slit in front of her. Laughing with Lena as they tore their clothes climbing trees, much to Lena’s mother’s irritation. Her Aunt Astra teaching her the names of the stars, and the ones that belonged to the gods. There were some things that Kara missed, and some things that made her dread the day she would have to go back. There were too many bad memories in Kandor.

 

            Yet the day that she left the temple came sooner than expected, before her twenty first year, and not by her aunt coming to claim her as was planned. It was sooner than expected, and the day started off normal. At dawn, Kara awoke in the room she shared with Alex, quickly dressing in her brown robe and shaking her sister awake before slipping out of the room. Hurrying downstairs, she came out into the freezing morning air, slipping her copper mask over her face as she walked out into the courtyard.

 

            The tree that had made this place feel at home in the first place was still in the middle of the courtyard, and Kara walked over to it, pausing at the edge of the the lake encircling it. The ice had frozen over for the winter, and she confidently strode across it, pulling herself up onto the island by one of the giant gnarled tree roots frozen in the water. Sitting on the root, Kara lay a hand against the white bark and looked up at the canopy of red and orange leaves. Slowly, the sky started to lighten overhead, making it look like the tree was on fire, and Kara’s lips curled into a small smile as she took in the sight. The pool of water was sacred, and none of the other acolytes dared to cross it to lay a hand on the tree, but Kara had never feared Rao’s wrath; after all, she’d spent her entire life being reminded that she was kissed by the sun.

 

            “Daughter.”

 

            Turning her gaze away from the leaves, Kara looked down at Eliza, meeting her steady gaze through the holes in her mask. “Mother.”

 

            “It is cold out, and prayers will be starting soon – you should come inside.”

 

            Climbing back down onto the ice, Kara slid her way back over to the edge of the pool and found herself back on the cobblestones of the courtyard. “Yes, mother.”

 

            “Is your sister awake yet?” Eliza asked, reaching out to put an arm around Kara’s shoulders, rubbing some warmth into her.

 

            “I woke her as I rose, but you know how she is,” Kara laughed, and Eliza joined in. “You’re outside early this morning. What work do the gods have you doing at this hour?”

 

            Eliza’s teeth chattered slightly behind her mask, and her breath was visible before her. “Collecting firewood.”

 

            “Then I shall join you,” Kara said, and instead of turning aside and slipping through the side door of the tunnel, they walked out to the other side and wandered over to the trees. They were bare of any leaves at this time of year, and the fallen branches they collected were wet – useless for a fire. Carrying armfuls of wood back to the temple, the two women were shivering by the time they were finished. By that point the rest of the acolytes were up and ready for prayers.

 

\---

 

            Kara pushed open the door to the infirmary and let out a sigh of relief at the sight of Alex bent over one of the beds. “There you are!”

 

            “Quiet, sister,” Alex quietly hushed her, looking down at the woman laying on the bed. Her eyes were shut and her lips were slightly parted as she slept. Dabbing at her head with a cloth, Alex glanced up as Kara neared. “Pam’s fever has broken.”

 

            “Good! Although I hope that you don’t catch a chill from this,” Kara smiled at her sister, watching as Alex reached for a wooden cup and filled it with water.

 

            “I’m sure that Mordo will give me strength to overcome the disease,” Alex murmured, pulling out a pestle and mortar and pouring a few poppy seed into it. “Here, make yourself useful.”

 

            Kara rolled her eyes, taking a seat on the cot beside the one containing Pam, and quickly set about grinding the seeds. She had small skill as a healer, thanks to Alex’s guidance, and she frequented the infirmary to give her sister a helping hand. Many of the priests and priestesses of the religious guild held an affinity towards one god, and while Kara’s seemed to have been thrust upon her at birth, Alex had found comfort through Telle – the god of wisdom and and sciences. She was a natural healer, and Kara loved to watch her work.

 

            As soon as the seeds were ground, Alex scraped them into the water, mixing it in with some milk and honey, before she trickled a small amount down Pam’s throat. “That should help her sleep.”

 

            “If not, you could always recite the healing properties of aconite. I’m sure that will send her straight off,” Kara teased her, and Alex dipped her finger in the bowl of water she’d been using to bathe the woman’s head, splashing some of it in Kara’s face while she laughed.

 

            Spluttering, Kara wiped her face dry and shot her sister an unimpressed look. Alex grinned widely at her as she dried her hands. “Tell me, sister, what _are_ the healing properties of aconite?”

 

            Kara hesitated for a second, before giving her sister a smug smile. “Aconite is toxic, sister, unless you know which parts to use. The leaves are poison, but the root may be used for pain relief and swelling. As for myself, I would not use it unless I wished to poison my patient, because I _definitely_ do not know which parts to use properly.”

 

            Alex laughed, putting away the jars of salves and herbs that she’d been using. “That is very wise of you, Keira – it is best to know when you are out of your depth.”

 

            “I shall leave the healing to you then, Alex,” Kara smiled at her, falling into step beside her as they left the infirmary. “I believe my path is more … _suited_ for politics.”

 

            “Indeed. Although with that stubborn temper of yours, I think that perhaps you should have been made for war. Too bad that you ended up at the religious guild instead of the military guild,” Alex said, bumping shoulders with her sister. Kara bumped her back, and they laughed as they poked and prodded each other annoyingly. Tripping her up, Alex darted out of the way as Kara stumbled, catching herself on the hem of her robe and sprawling out on the floor.

 

            “Alexandra!” Kara yelled, climbing to her feet and scowling as she looked at her grazed palms. “I shall have your head for that one day!”

 

            “You could not catch me to take it,” her sister’s laughter echoed from around the bend in the hallway. Chasing after her with a determined look on her face, they ran through the hallways of the temple, shouting and laughing like children. It wasn’t until they neared the lower levels that Alex came to a stop, panting as she stood with her hands on her hips. “Truce! Mother will scold us if she sees us in such a state.”

 

            Kara laughed breathlessly, putting her hands on her knees as she bent over and caught her breath. “I fear that winter has made us lazy.”

 

            “Speak for yourself,” Alex said, clapping a hand on Kara’s shoulder. “Come on. It is meal time soon, and you know how mother hates it when we’re late.”

 

            The two girls made their way to the the hall where all the occupants of the tower ate their meals, quickly taking seats close to the door as they saw that they were about to start. Eliza stood up from the high table on a raised platform, where she sat amongst the priests and priestesses who were masters of the different areas of learning taught at the temple. The hall fell silent, and Eliza lifted her wooden cup up in a toast. “To the gods!”

 

            The same words of worship were echoed by everyone else in the room as Eliza picked up the plate that held her meal, before descending the platform and walking over to the large brazier that stood before the high table. She threw a food offering into the flames of the brazier, sending sparks shooting up as the food disturbed the hot coals. As soon as she returned to her seat, the rest of the acolytes rose to their feet and one by one made their own burnt offering to the gods, some of them murmuring a specific name or asking for something in return.

 

\---

 

            After finishing their midday meal, Kara and Alex were among those tasked with clearing the tables and cleaning the hall, much to their displeasure. It was where they were when soldiers dressed in hard leather armour and heavy fur cloaks burst into the hall. Quickly, all members present lowered their heads as they donned their masks and raised their hoods, hiding their heads from the intruders.

 

            It was Alex who stepped forward, her chin held high as she looked at the soldiers from behind her copper mask. They all looked uneasy as they stared at the smooth metal, shining red in the firelight of the hall, and Kara knew how unsettling it was to look at the faceless person stood before you, who served the gods that every man, woman and child in Krypton were raised to fear and worship.

 

            “Weapons are not permitted in a house of the gods,” Alex firmly told them. “And you are not permitted within these walls without permission from the High Priestess.”

 

            “We have no quarrel with you, girl,” one of the soldiers said, taking a step forwards. “You will all come with us and you shall be safe, you have my word. We do not wish to harm you on sacred ground.”

           

            Inclining her head, Alex took a step towards them, and Kara quickly rushed to her side, slipping her hand into Alex’s as they followed they soldiers outside. She already knew they were here for her. They were herded out to the courtyard, and the weak overhead sun shone down on the tree, setting it on fire, and Kara silently prayed for Rao’s help. If she was blessed by him then she would ask that his blessing watch over them now. Other priests and priestesses were already gathered around the frozen lake, huddling together for protection, and Alex quickly dragged Kara over to Eliza. They stayed silent as they waited for orders from the soldiers, but it was another twenty minutes before they spoke, having searched every room in the vast tower.

 

            “We have come for the queen,” the shoulder in charge shouted, making sure that he was heard. His voice echoed off the walls of the tower, and the priests and priestesses all murmured in confusion. “We have reason to believe that she is here. You will hand her over, or you will pay with your lives.”

 

            Everyone fell silent at his words, and no one moved. The courtyard was as still as the wintery landscape beyond its walls, with nothing but the rustling of the leaves above them. There were only four soldiers and Kara couldn’t help but wish that those at the temple were not so peaceful. They outnumbered the soldiers twenty to one, yet she knew that none of the priests and priestesses would lift a hand against them. They were not warriors – they were servants of the gods, and this was sacred ground.

 

            Realising that no one was going to give anyone up, the soldier took a step forward, loosening his sword in its sheath before drawing it. “Very well then. We know she had been kissed by the sun and we _will_ find her. You can make it easier for yourselves by just handing her over now.”

 

            When no one moved or said anything again, he roughly grabbed the closest acolyte, lowering the hood and ripping off the mask. It was a priest, and he was roughly shoved aside for another robed and hooded person. The other three soldiers followed suit, and soon enough, every golden haired woman at the temple was stood in front of the lead soldier, right next to Rao’s tree, while the other acolyte’s stood off to the side of the courtyard, huddled in fear. They all kept their heads down, avoiding his gaze, except Eliza, who stared him straight in the eye.

 

            “You, woman. You are the High Priestess?”

 

            “I am,” Eliza asked, nodding her head slightly.

 

            “You are too old to be the queen, but perhaps you were here when she was brought here. Which one of these women is it? Speak quickly or I will lose my patience,” the soldier barked at her. He roughly grabbed her by the front of her robes, unsheathing his dagger and holding it against her throat. Kara itched to reach out and take hold of Eliza, but she kept her head down, swallowing the lump in her throat as she silently prayed that her adoptive mother did not pay for her stubbornness with her life.

 

            With a snarl, the soldier released her, reaching out and grabbing the nearest blonde who looked to be around the right age as Kara was. She knew the girl – her name was Lyra – and she’d been here even longer than Kara had. They had spent hours learning together, completing their duties together, and fear took ahold of Kara’s heart as she watched the man hold the dagger against her throat. Kara took a deep breath, opening her mouth as she went to stop him, but Eliza’s hand tightly grabbed her own, squeezing Kara’s hand to silence her before she could draw attention to them. She understood then that she would let this soldier slit the throat of all of these other girls before she turned Kara over, and Kara’s eyes prickled with tears at the love that Eliza bore her. Kara raised her head and turned to watch as the soldier slid the dagger across Lyra’s throat, spraying a fountain of blood across the front of his leather armour. Choking back a cry of fear and anguish, Kara watched as he shoved the lifeless body onto the frozen pond, and she watched as the ice was stained red as her blood soaked into the cracks.

 

            Her attention was brought back to the soldier as he came to a stop in front of her and grabbed her by the front of her robe. Raising her chin, Kara looked him straight in the eyes, and in a flash the small knife that Eliza had pressed into her hands moments before was stuck in the side of the solder’s neck. He let go of her, stumbling backwards as he clutched at the knife in his throat, eyes wide as he made choking noises. It only took a moment for the other soldiers to realise what had happened, and as one of them strode forward with her sword raised, Alex was there, pushing Kara out of the way as she plunged her own knife into the soldier’s throat.

 

            Bending down to pick up the commander’s fallen sword, Kara straightened up and steel met steel as the other soldier bore down on her. Alex picked up the woman’s sword, and met the other soldier, and together the two sister’s desperately swung their swords, trying to push back the attack. It had been years since Kara had held a real sword, but her hours spent play fighting with Alex in the forest had led her to retain a little of what she’d been taught as a child – mostly her footwork. It was enough for her to pierce the man’s chainmail and bury the sword in his stomach though, right up to the hilt. Pulling the sword back out, she rounded on the final soldier, kicking her in the back of the knees and watching as Alex slit her throat without a moment’s hesitation.

 

            As the woman collapsed to the cobblestones, the courtyard fell silent. It was almost deafening after the shouting and clashing of swords, and Kara and Alex stood there panting, drenched in blood as they faced one another. Throwing the sword aside, Kara ran to her sister and pulled her into a fierce hug, and then Eliza was there, pulling them apart.

 

            “You must go,” she ordered. “They know you are here now. Alex – you are her sister; you must go with her. You swore an oath to protect her, see that it is done.”

 

            “Yes mother,” Alex said her face pale as she bowed her head in submission. “Where are we to go?”

 

            “You must not tell me. On the winter solstice, you will enter your twenty-first year, your majesty. It is when your aunt planned to fetch you – you should make for Kandor then. It is still two moons away; in the meantime, hide yourself.”

 

            Kara nodded, and the low murmur of the servants of the gods reached her ears. They were all pale after the bloodshed, and they were staring at her with wide eyes, realising that she was the queen. “I am sorry for bringing this upon you,” Kara choked out, keeping her eyes down as they filled with tears.

 

            “It was not your doing. Now, come my daughters, you must pack quickly,” Eliza said, pushing them both in the direction of the nearest door.

 

            They fetched a knapsack each, the ones that they used for collecting herbs or farming their vegetables, instead, filling it with spare clothes from their stores, herbs from the infirmary, and food from the kitchens. Soon enough, they were back in the courtyard, stood before the tunnel that would take them away from their home, and Alex was tightly hugging her mother, who whispered a blessing as she kissed her daughter on her brow. Pulling back, Eliza turned her attention to Kara, and clasped a fist over her heart as she knelt before her. “Your majesty, you have honoured us with your presence here, and honoured me. I pray that the gods watch over you and bring you safely to your throne.”

 

            “Mother,” Kara choked out, and Eliza raised her lowered head, looking lovingly up at Kara. It hurt to see such formality from the woman who had spent almost eight years loving and raising her as if she was her own daughter, and Kara pulled her to her feet and threw her arms around her, burying her face in her shoulder as she squeezed her tightly. “I love you mother.”

 

            “And I you, my daughter,” Eliza murmured, running a hand over Kara’s golden curls. They pulled back, and Eliza murmured the same blessing before kissing Kara’s brow. Stepping back so that she was stood next to Alex, they both faced their mother, and Eliza gave them a small nod. “You are sister’s, look after each other. Do your duties and make me proud.”

 

            Without another word, they turned and walked through the tunnel, their breath misting before them as they set off towards the mouth of the valley. It took almost an hour of trudging through frozen snow drafts and over dead fallen trees before they reached the top, gazing down at their home nestled in the middle of the skeletal forest. They wouldn’t be back for a long while.

 

            “So, where are we to go?” Kara asked.

 

            Alex looked at her, a stubborn set to her jaw as she turned her gaze north. “To Cair.”

 

            _“Cair?”_ Kara echoed in disbelief. The Jewel Mountains were as far north as it was possible to go in Krypton, and none dwelled there but the mountain men, who were unkind to strangers. Even still, their stone cities were carved into the lower region of the Jewel Mountains. Cair was further up – almost at the peak of the highest mountain – and none but the assassins of Cadmus went there.

 

            “No one will come for us at Cair. They fear the assassins too much to risk a journey to the top – and the journey to the top itself is a risk during the winter,” Alex explained.

 

            Kara let out a hysterical laugh. “I _know_ that the journey is a risk, which is why I’m confused as to why _we_ would risk it. Even if we made it to the top, they would most likely kill us.”

 

            Alex gave her a small smile as she set off in the direction of the mountains, which were little more than small bumps along the horizon at this distance. It would take them weeks to reach them on foot, and by that time, it would almost be time for Kara to leave again. “They’ll not kill us.”

 

            “How can you be so sure?” Kara asked, falling into step beside her sister.

 

            “Because father was one of them, until he died,” Alex stated, shrugging slightly as she gave Kara a small smile. Blinking in surprise, Kara took in the new information about her adoptive father, and with a small nod to her sister, agreed to the plan.

 

            “To Cair.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just fyi, the chapters before she makes it back to her throne will be time jumps etc bc it has to span like 5 years, so there won't be like super in depth detail for all of that, but is mostly just to set things up and show what ya girl was up to lmao. Then the real story starts.

           They were almost a fortnight into their journey to Cair, and the weather had been unkind to them as they travelled further north. They’d trudged across the endless rolling hills, their cloaks pulled tight around them for warmth and protection as sleet and snow rained down upon them with every step. They’d stumbled upon the ruins of an old watchtower yesterday evening, and gratefully sought shelter amongst the broken building, feeling warmer than they had in days as they huddled together in a corner where the floor above still offered shelter from the bad weather. After night after night of the freezing cold of the open countryside, they’d thanked the gods for their good fortune and fallen asleep as soon as their heads touched the ground.

 

           There had been enough wood from old furniture and beams for them to keep a small fire burning throughout the night, and as Kara woke the next morning, she was grateful for the coals that still burned low in the ring of ashes. Extracting herself from her position next to her sister, she quietly set about rekindling the fire. As the flames crackled to life, she removed one of her leather gloves and reached out towards the flames, her fingertips almost brushing the flames as she let the fire warm her hands.

 

           Slipping her glove back on, Kara walked over to a hole in the wall facing north, sitting down on one of the massive stones as she looked out at the mountains. Since they’d left the temple, the Jewel Mountains that had been miniscule bumps on the horizon had slowly grown closer and bigger with each passing day, and now they loomed so tall that Kara could scarcely believe that they still had a couple more days to go before they reached the foothills. She felt inconsequentially small in the shadow of the mountain, and as she watched the sky lighten with the sun’s rising, she felt a flicker of doubt rise up within her; she felt of little importance in the grand scheme of the world, and she feared the path she had been set upon since birth.

 

           “It is much too early to be thinking so hard, sister,” Alex grumbled as she dragged herself over to the fire, craving the warmth of the flames. “What bothers you?”

 

           “The future,” Kara murmured, her face hidden in the shadows of her good. “And the past.”

 

           “Those are too heavy a topic to worry yourself over before the sun has even fully risen,” Alex yawned. “Come, cast your troubles aside and warm yourself by the fire while we eat.”

 

           Sighing, Kara climbed to her feet and walked back over to the fire, pulling open her knapsack and removing the small bundle of food that remained of their stores. They had nothing more than stale bread, hardened cheese and dried fruits to live off until they reached the base of the mountain. What they would do then Kara didn’t know, but they had no money to replenish their stores, and she worried over their meagre supplies. An even more pressing matter was their clothing, for they wore their winter robes that suited the freezing cold of the northern temple, but was not suitable for climbing a mountain. The chances of them freezing on their ascent was a real risk, which was how they knew that no one would come looking for them, not until the spring. Kara’s eyes widened at the thought, and a rush of gratitude towards her sister filled her, for Alex had planned this, without a doubt. She knew that Kara wasn’t ready to take to her throne yet, and she had bought her sister a few more months of refuge at least.

 

           She brought out of her thoughts by a cup of hot water being pressed into her hand, and she gave Alex a grateful smile. “We shouldn’t linger here,” Alex told her, casting a wary look at the still, frozen expanse of white beyond the crumbling wall, before her eyes darted towards the sword she’d kept from the soldier she’d stabbed in the neck – a necessary precaution for their trip she’d said.

 

           “Eat quickly then and we’ll leave as soon as we’re packed,” Kara agreed with a grimace. “Although I hate to part with the warmth of our fire so soon.”

 

\---

 

           It was another two days before they reached the foothills, finding themselves in a huge, sprawling town carved into the very rock of the mountain. The Jewel Mountain range above them was impossibly huge, and they shivered as they stood in the shadow of it as the sun slowly sank behind the mountains. The town was so foreign to the two of them, so different to the temple they’d always been within view of, and so different to anything Kara had seen in her life before she’d been sent to the temple. Kara looked around in wonder as they walked down the snow covered main street, her eyes turned upwards as she looked at the arches and walkways expertly carved by the hands of the skilled stonemasons of the town.

 

           “This must be Z’onn Z’orr,” Alex said, her breath clouding before her as she spoke. Kara’s teeth chattered as she looked around in amazement, oblivious to the hostile looks they were receiving from the townspeople that crowded the streets, pushing carts loaded with stone blocks or hauling ore mined from deep within the mountain.

 

           “I would’ve thought that Cair would’ve been above Ma’aleca’andra,” Kara said, looking around. “I went there once as a child; it was bigger than this, and warmer – it was only a day’s ride from the sea.”

 

           “Cair was not built above a specific city, sister, it was built around the god sword,” Alex murmured as she cast an uneasy look around, her hand itching to grasp the hilt of her sword.

 

           Kara laughed, as cheerful as ever as she cast Alex a look of amusement. “Surely you don’t believe that it’s real?”

 

           “Of course it’s real,” Alex scoffed. “They say that Rao himself set it in the stone. Father once told me that it lays upon a plateau at the very top of the mountain. He said that there is no way to retrieve it though, so they cannot be sure if it’s truly there.”

 

           “So you admit that it might not be real? Well, perhaps I shall try and retrieve it myself and see if the rumours are true,” Kara cockily smiled at her sister. “Who better than to claim Rao’s sword than one blessed by him?”

 

           Snorting, Alex rolled her eyes, dragging Kara towards the first building she saw that was emitting cheerful laughter and song. “I don’t doubt that if anyone could do it, it would be you.”

 

           Pushing open the door to the alehouse, Alex pushed her hood down, and Kara copied her as they pushed their way through the crowded room. At the two strangers’ appearance in the tavern, the locals went quiet, and a few of the darker skinned residents picked up their conversation in a language that was foreign in Krypton. Alex stubbornly raised her chin and called for the attention of the serving woman in the same language.

 

           “You speak the language of the Skrulls,” she said in surprise. “From your colouring it’s clear that you’re Kryptonian’s, but your poor clothing choice says that you’re not from Z’onn Z’orr, so how did two outsiders learn the tongue?”

 

           “We were once priestesses of the gods; our education was … extensive. My sister and I are making for Cair,” Alex said, and the woman let out a bark of laughter. “We have need of supplies.”

 

           “Don’t waste your time, girl. You will freeze before you reach the top,” the woman said, not unkindly. She grabbed two flagons and filled them with an amber ale, setting one down before each of them. “Here. On the house; my experiences with servants of the gods is that they are lacking in coin. Warm yourselves by the fire, then I suggest you take your leave and return to your temple.”

 

           Alex inclined her head, with no intention of returning to the temple, but picked up her ale and made towards the roaring fire to drink and warm herself. Kara picked up her own drink, hesitating slightly as she looked at the woman. “Thank you for your kindness. I didn’t catch your name.”

 

           “M’gann,” the woman replied, flashing her white teeth as she smiled. Kara nodded, returning the smile before she made her way over to Alex. Sitting down on the low bench before the hearth, they untied their cloaks and slipped off their gloves, and their cheeks, which had been rosy from the freezing cold, soon became flushed from the warmth. Kara had never had ale – it was not permitted in the temple – and she found herself wrinkling her nose slightly at the unfamiliar nutty taste of it, yet it was a welcome taste after nothing but boiled water to keep them warm on their journey north.

 

           “What now?” Kara asked Alex, looking at her sister for guidance.

 

           Sighing, Alex set her tankard down and drummed her fingers on the table. “We go anyway. Nothing has changed – there is nowhere else for us to go.”

 

           “What of food? What of the snow?”

 

           “I shall sell the sword – it would only get in the way and slow me down as we climb. Besides, Cair will have its own weapons that we may beg the use of if need be,” Alex told her. “As for the cold – we’ll have to climb quickly. I’d wager that it takes a little less than two days to reach the tower, if the weather holds. If we do not delay; we should be off as soon as we finish our drinks.”

 

           “ _Now?”_ Kara quietly exclaimed, her eyebrows shooting up in alarm. “It is almost sundown; we won’t be able to see a foot in front of our faces.”

 

           Alex rolled her eyes, “torches, dear sister. I’d think one who was blessed by the god of sun and fire would remember the uses of a torch.”

 

           “Very funny,” Kara huffed, gently kicking Alex’s boot as her sister laughed. They quickly drank the rest of their ale, making plans for selling the sword, which stores they would buy, and where they would begin their ascent. Donning their cloaks and gloves again, they left the alehouse, casting a longing look at the roaring fire as they left it behind. “Which way to the blacksmith?”

 

           “You’ll be hard pressed to find someone who will sell to outsiders – especially at this time of day,” a voice behind them said, and the two girls whirled around in surprise, Alex’s hand flying to the pommel of the sword. Kara let out a sigh of relief as she took in the sight of M’gann stood in the shadows of the alley next to the alehouse. “Careful with that.”

 

           Alex gave her a disgruntled look, crossing her arms over her chest and staring back at her. She wasn’t wearing a cloak, but she seemed unfazed by the harsh cold wind, swirling snowflakes down around them. “Thank you for your concern.”

 

           Alex started to turn, taking Kara by the arm, but a shout from M’gann stopped them. “Wait. I have supplies for you.”

 

           “Why?” Alex suspiciously asked as Kara accepted the outstretched bundle of food and murmured her thanks.

 

           “I’m … atoning. The Skrulls – my people – we are from the Sun Lands, far beyond the Jewel Mountains. Some of us sought safety here in your lands to escape the endless wars and slaughter, but the atrocities committed there … I beg the gods for their forgiveness. We hold with different gods where I hail from, but you – you have been blessed by yours, and so I hope the kindness I show you will help me redeem myself in perhaps one god’s eyes.”

 

           “Thank you. We will not forget this kindness,” Kara said, bowing her head slightly. Alex inclined her head too, before unbuckling the sheath from her belt and handing it over to M’gann, whose eyebrows shot up in surprise.

 

            “This is castle forged steel,” M’gann said, frowning as she looked at Alex. “Where did a priestess get a sword like this?”

 

           “From a soldier who no longer needed it,” Alex carelessly shrugged, giving her a wry smile. “Take it as payment for the supplies – as well as our thanks.”

 

           They watched as she disappeared inside the alehouse without another word, and then Alex was opening the top of her bag and pulling out her blanket and spare clothes, before packing the bundle of food safely inside. Kara followed suit, layering as many of the clothes on as she could, and then wrapping the blanket around her shoulders.

 

           “We still need wood,” Kara reminded Alex, and she nodded, disappearing into the alehouse and returning a few minutes later with an armful of wood.

 

           “It will be a burden, but it shouldn’t slow us down too much,” Alex said, adding the logs to their packs as well, before closing them and shouldering her own. “Now, we should be off. The night is still young – we can travel a few leagues yet.”

 

           They set off through the twisting stone streets, hurrying so that they could warm themselves as well as reach their destination faster. Kara still had time to take in the beautiful city, marvelling at the engraved archways and the squat stone halls that were plainly, but artfully decorated by the stonemasons. They soon reached the outskirts of the city, where the lower stone hills gave way to the sheer roots of the mountain. Leaving the bustling town behind them, they set off along a thing trail that wound away from their last chance to turn back. Ahead of them lay the only path that would take them up to Cair; up to the assassins.

 

\---

 

           Alex’s stubborn refusal to slow down or stop was the only thing driving them forward. They were lucky – or as lucky as it was possible to be – as the weather was clear on their climb. No snowstorms befell them, and while they froze due to the snow covered path they were forced to wade through, they were grateful that they were not set upon by misfortune. On the first night, when they finally stopped, they huddled together, wrapping their cloaks around them as they made a small fire with their limited supply of wood.

 

           They awoke the next morning, stiff and cold, and after forcing cold food between numb lips, they set off again, pushing themselves as fast as they could go to get their blood running hot. They only broke twice more for meals that day, and as night fell, Alex lit their second last piece of wood to guide the way. “Here, you carry it. Warm yourself,” Alex forced out through chattering teeth as she pressed the wood into Kara’s hand. The lower halves of their faces had been covered with spare cloth, but Kara could see the concern in her sister’s eyes. For the first time, she was doubting herself.

 

           Still, they pressed on, with Alex taking the lead as she forged a path through the knee-deep snow. Kara started quietly stammering a prayer for warmth and sunlight to find them again. A loud howling noise swirled around them, and Kara was unsure whether it was just the wind or if there were wolves this high up, and she cast a look down towards the ground. They’d climbed far over the past day, and the lights from Z’onn Z’orr were tiny flecks below, like the embers of dying coals, and Kara almost believed that she was imagining them; a hopeless dream for the warmth of the alehouse. Casting a look upwards, the saw the peak of the mountain bathed in moonlight, and murmured another prayer to Yuda, goddess of the moon, that she give them enough light to find their way once their last torch plunged them into darkness.

 

           It was a few hours before dawn that the last torch guttered in the fierce wind and died out, and Alex’s nimble fingers couldn’t stop shaking enough to relight it. She couldn’t stop shaking as she looked at Kara, her words almost unintelligible between the screaming wind and the force with which her teeth chattered. “I-I’m s-sorry.”

 

           “W-we shall have t-to go by moonlight,” Kara stammered, tightly gripping Alex’s hand in her own as she stubbornly stumbled onwards, because it was too late to go back now – their only chance of survival was to keep going. She was so tired, and so was Alex, and their breathing became laboured as each footstep became even harder than the last. Up and up they climbed, the path becoming steeper with each passing moment.

 

           It was still dark when the path became too steep to walk, the stars spread out above them in an endless sea of darkness as they had to haul themselves up the icy face of the rock, their hands and feet scrambling for purchase on the stone. Overhand, they pulled themselves up and up, their muscles screaming in protest, and the rough stone biting into the tips of their fingers, even through their leather gloves. Kara was almost afraid that she would fall off the side of the mountain, her fingers too numb to cling to the rock any longer, but she didn’t. She followed Alex up, gritting her teeth and holding on for dear life, until eventually they made it to the top.

 

           The sky had started to lighten as they climbed the last few dozen metres, and as Alex hauled herself over the edge of the sheer cliff face, reaching down to drag Kara up after her, they collapsed to the ground, gasping for breath as they watched the dawn paint the sky red on the horizon. Kara exhaled sharply at the sight, sure that she had never seen anything so beautiful in all her life as she looked out at the endless view of the land spread outwards from the feet of the Jewel Mountains. Her kingdom.

 

           In summer she was sure the white rolling hills that led to the barren countryside would paint the view before her a lush green, bursting with life and the sweet caress of the sun as it shone down on fields of flowers and thickets of trees burdened with new leaves. A part of her secretly hoped that she would still be here to see it, and for even longer so that she could watch the seasons change and the greens turn to a thousand shades of red, orange and yellow.

 

           If they even lived that long, for at that moment the sharp, glittering edge of a sword was placed under Kara’s chin, guiding her head upwards to look at the heavily cloaked figure staring down at her. She let out a sigh of relief at the fact that there were in fact people living this high up – even though she was now doubting the sanity of such people. Alex had a sword held to her own throat, and holding her hands up, she staggered to her feet, the sword matching her movements. She casually took a defensive step towards Kara, who was still knelt on the frozen ground, blocking the path towards her. “We come seeking shelter,” Alex said, her voice firm and clear, despite the freezing cold that snaked down her throat, making every lungful of air painful.  

 

           “We do not offer shelter here,” the low voice of a man replied.

 

           Ripping the cloth away from the lower half of her face, and lowering her hood, Alex stood pink cheeked and defiant before the man. “I am the daughter of Jeremiah of house Danvers. I ask that you offer my sister and myself shelter.”

 

           “The words you speak are true – you have your father’s colouring, but we do not offer shelter here,” the man replied. “Here, we only offer work.”

 

           “Then we shall work,” Alex quickly told him.

 

           The man hesitated for a second, before slowly inclining his head, and turning his back on the two girls. Kara watched in stunned silent as he turned away, the two similarly bundled figures following after him as Alex and Kara watched from the cliff edge. Dragging Kara to her feet, Alex quickly followed after the man with her sister in tow, seeking refuge from the freezing cold.

 

           The plateau they were on was just below the highest peak of the mountain – where the god sword was said to lay – and a black stone tower was carved into the sheer face of the cliff wall. The man walked across the snow covered courtyard that lay before the tower, and disappeared through the dark, gaping hole leading inside. Without hesitation, Alex and plunged into the dark, no fear or doubt in her eyes as she dragged Kara long with her. The white light from outside soon grew to be a tiny dot behind them, and they were cast into a suffocating darkness that blinded them as they carried on walking. Stumbling along in the dark, Kara reached out and touched the smooth, cold stone and let it guide her along the tunnel as they were led deep inside.

 

           Eventually they came out into an open cavern bathed in a warm orange light coming from the braziers burning at intervals. They both raced over to the nearest one, letting out sighs of relief as a wave of warmth washed over them and fighting the urge to plunge their frozen fingers into the very flames as they held their hands over the flickering fire. “You – lower your hood,” the man who had greeted them outside said, directing his question at Kara, who still had her face covered. Pulling down the cloth and lowering her hood, Kara faced him, taking in his appearance. He was dark skinned – a Skrull – and he frowned as he stared back at her. “So, you are the queen.”

 

           “My father told you?” Alex sharply asked, a look of alarm crossing her face.

 

           The man laughed. “No, he did not. He needn’t tell me – it is written all over her face, girl. There are not many outside of those welcome at court that saw the face of Queen Alura, but I was one of the few. You take after your father, but your eyes, they are exactly like your mother’s. They betray who you really are.”

 

           “Then you will help me,” Kara told him, raising her chin as she tried to look as regal as possible.

 

           “As I said, your majesty, we only offer work here. In the eyes of Cadmus, we are all equal here, and all are welcome to join if they make it to Cair. I gather that by your clothing, you have come from the temple that your mother is High Priestess at, and the fact that your identity was kept a secret to all, that you are accustomed to living below your title, your majesty. Here it will be the same.”

 

           Alex frowned, the muscles in her jaw working as the stared at him. “You would deny her the respect she is entitled? When she is your queen, chosen by the gods themselves.”

 

           “I deny her nothing, but I have no time for those who sit idly. I hold with my own gods across the Sun Lands, girl. The most important here of which is H’ronmeer, the god of death and fire – although perhaps you will find some comfort in him, your majesty. Your people say that you have been blessed by your god of fire and sun, and you know more of death than most. But, your gods mean nothing to me, and if you are seeking a religious man of the Kryptonian ways, you should seek out the temple you came from. Here, I will train you in death, poison and killing. Even a queen should know how to protect herself, no?” the man said, arching an eyebrow, and Alex’s shoulders caved slightly in defeat. There was nothing more she wanted than for Kara to be able to keep herself safe, to protect herself if Alex failed in her duties.

 

           “Then we shall work harder than anyone you have trained before,” Kara said, bowing her head slightly. The man nodded, and gestured for one of the cloaked and hooded assassins to step forwards, giving them instructions to take the two girls to bathe and fetch them leathers and furs to warm them. Casting them another look, he announced that their training would begin in an hour’s time, and turned to leave. “Wait! You never told us your name,” Kara called after him, and he paused, turning slightly and bowing his head at Kara.

 

           “J’onn J’onzz.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone waiting for Lena: it'll be a few more chapters

           They stayed at the tower for three years.

 

           They hadn’t intended to stay that long, but Kara had refused to leave. As the winter solstice passed and she turned twenty-one, Kara had used the excuse that it was mid-winter and they would not survive the descent through fierce snowstorms and buffeting winds, and then winter faded and she insisted that they stay for the rest of the year, learning as much as they could about defending themselves from shadows in the night. Still, they stayed longer and longer, and each time Alex broached the subject of leaving, Kara would stubbornly refuse.

 

           The first year at the tower was spent in darkness. Kara had fantasised about the rolling foothills and lush, green countryside during the summer, but she didn’t see it the first year for neither of them were permitted to leave the tower. Instead, they were kept inside, training from dawn until well after dusk, day after day. The first few months their skin was mottled black and blue from fighting as they learnt how to use their bodies to defend themselves, and as they grew faster, stronger, _better,_ the received fewer bruises and their skin turned ghostly from a lack of sunlight. They learnt how to kill also, with poison and venom, and daggers and knives hidden inside their clothes and slipped up their sleeves. Over the first month, their eyes became accustomed to the endless dark warren of the tunnels and corridors carved into the side of the mountain, and soon enough they became a part of the dark. They could find their way from one end of the maze to the other in the pitch black; could silently steal upon each other and hold a knife to the other’s throat. They learnt how to become shadows, silent and deadly, able to slip in unseen and steal away like a thief in the night while others remained none the wiser.

 

           Alex excelled in her studies at the tower, and her knowledge about different herbs gave her an advantage when dealing with poisons. J’onn claimed she took after her father, and she fought with a fierceness that Kara had never seen before, taking her duties as Kara’s protector very seriously. It was expected that Kara would become a warrior, to lead her armies into battle if it came to it, yet the sly, deceptive nature of the assassins didn’t sit well with her, and she had little interest in the art of killing without being seen; if she was to kill, she would look them in the eye and plunge the sword into their chest with no shame or cowardice about the deed. Still, she trained just as hard as Alex, for if she did not she would no longer be welcomed at the tower; no longer be allowed to hide herself from the world, or share in the food and the shelter provided here.

 

           J’onn was a good teacher, and while it was clear that he favoured Alex out of the two sisters, he was protective of them both and taught them himself – an uncommon thing, so it seemed. At the end of their first year, they were both permitted outside again, and the first time they saw sunlight again they had winced at the sharp, blinding pain of it, covering their eyes and muttering curses.

 

           “You now know what it truly is to live in darkness,” J’onn had said, and had left them outside for the rest of the day, staring out at the breathtaking view from the top of the mountain. They had seen nothing but the black stone walls of the mountain for a year, or the huge cavern dimly painted orange by the fire in the braziers, and they had gratefully drunk in the fresh air, feeling like they could breathe again after so long spent shut inside the stuffy tower.

 

           And then they had been permitted inside the actual tower, given rooms with narrow arched windows looking out upon the courtyard. They had both been grateful, having spent every night for a year sleeping on the cavern floor with the handful of other initiates who were yet to be permitted into the actual tower as novice assassins. The first night they’d slept on the low pallets, they had both slept soundly and comfortably for the first time in a long time. And still they trained, and trained, and trained.

 

           For the next two years they trained outside, learning to shoot iron tipped arrows from short bows with deadly accuracy, and wield double-bladed staffs and long knives until they became extensions of their arms. When Kara asked why they didn’t train with swords and shields, she was reminded that they weren’t soldiers; they were not made for endless days on a battlefield, or to fight in close quarters as equals with their opponent. They were made to kill and vanish, as wraiths that their victims didn’t see until it was too late – if they saw them at all.

 

           The day they finally left Cair it was a clear day, the sky painted a deep blue overhead as the sun steadily rose beyond the horizon, and the first hints of spring already starting to show in the patchy green hills far below and the first stalks of wheat and barley starting to grow in the freshly tilled fields. Nothing was different that day, but as Kara sat at the edge of the cliff, her legs dangling over the side as she stole a moment for herself. The thought of leaving had been dangling over Kara’s head for months now – since winter had come and her twenty-fourth birthday had passed – and she knew soon enough she’d have to leave Cadmus. Spring seemed like the best time to leave, with the snow starting to melt off the lower parts of the mountain range, and the warmer weather to keep them from freezing on their way down.

 

           “Something is troubling you,” Alex said as she appeared behind Kara, her silent footsteps unheard by a distracted Kara, who jumped slightly.

 

           Kara smiled up at her sister, shielding her eyes from the sun. “Yes.”

 

           “Go on then, speak your mind,” Alex said, sitting down next to her and swinging her legs over the cliff side. “J’onn will be out to knock us on our asses soon enough.”

 

           “It is time for us to leave,” Kara said, turning to look at Alex, whose eyes widened in surprise.

 

           “Leave? You are sure?”

 

           “Yes. I think we should not linger – we should leave today.”

 

           Alex was silent for a moment, before bowing her head. “As you wish, sister. I shall speak with J’onn.” She climbed to her feet, rushing off to find their master and tell him of their decision. Kara waited patiently for her to return, and as she waited she cast her attention up to the very peak of the mountain, where the god sword was said to be. For three years she had been here, yet she hadn’t made a move to try and claim it for herself – not once – and even as she sat there now, she still felt no desire to try and scale the sheer cliff.

 

           Movement at the mouth of the tunnel leading into the mountain turned Kara’s attention away from the tip of the mountain, and she scrambled to her feet as Alex and J’onn returned, taking notice of the two packs that Alex had slung over her shoulder. She met them halfway, lowering her head slightly in respect for her teacher.

 

           “So, you are to leave here then?” J’onn asked.

 

           “It is time,” Kara replied, raising her chin slightly.

 

           J’onn lowered his head, pressing a hand to his heart as he bowed slightly. “Then go, claim your throne, highness, and rule well over your kingdom. It has been an honour to train you – to teach you what I know – and I hope that it serves you well.”

 

           “The honour has been mine, master,” Kara said, mimicking the gesture out of respect for him. “I do not think this shall be the last time we meet. In fact, I mean to come back.” From around her neck, Kara removed the necklace of leather where her mother’s ring hung, where it had been placed by her aunt the day she left Kara at the temple. Running a finger of the sigil of her house engraved in the gold, Kara looked up at J’onn and held it out. “I cannot take this where I am going. I would leave it here for me to fetch upon my return.”

 

           His big hand reached out and gently plucked the ring from the middle of Kara’s palm, and he curled his fingers over it, hiding it from view. “Then it shall be here when you return.”

 

           “What do you mean you cannot take it?” Alex suspiciously asked, and Kara shot her an uncertain look.

 

           “I cannot go home yet,” Kara said. “I am not ready.”

 

           “Not ready,” Alex echoed, frowning in confusion.

 

           Reaching out, Kara slipped one of the packs off Alex’s shoulder and slipped it onto her own. “Not yet. I know nothing of my kingdom – of my people. I would travel with you, sister, and learn what I can of the common folk. How can I sit myself upon a throne when I know nothing of their lives? Of their troubles?”

 

           “Very well,” Alex said, nodding her head once, before turning to J’onn and saying her own farewells.

 

           “May the blessings of the gods – mine and yours – go with you and protect you,” J’onn said, and the two girls started towards the edge of the cliff, stopping short as J’onn called after them. “There is a quicker way, if you should like to take it.”

 

           They both turned around in surprise, taking in the small smile on J’onn’s face as he looked at them with amusement. He turned and started walking back towards the tunnel, and after quickly glancing at each other, the two girls followed after him. He led them down the long tunnel and into the familiar cavern, and then out through a small crack in the back corner of the cavern. The two girls had paid no attention to it when they’d been sleeping and training in there – there were dozens of small cracks and holes around the walls, with stalactites and stalagmites dotting the room, and they’d just assumed it was another natural formation of the room. Instead, the tight squeeze brought them out into another dark tunnel.

 

           “The worthiness of one who seeks to train here is based upon their ability to make it up to Cair, not climb down,” J’onn said with amusement. “Follow this path to the bottom of the mountain. If you make haste you may reach the bottom by the moon’s highest peak.”

 

           “Thank you, master,” Alex said.

 

           “Farewell to you both, and safe travels.”

 

           Without another word, he squeezed back through the crack in the wall and was gone. With a determined deep breath, Alex turned away from the light, closing her eyes and taking a step forwards. They walked until the shaft of light filtering in through the crack disappeared as the path slightly deviated from its straight line, plunging them into darkness. Their years of darkness within the mountain had leant them the skill to navigate in the dark, and the relative straightness of the path made their descent easy. As promised, by the moon’s highest peak the path levelled out, and a lesser darkness shone in through a hole at the base of the mountain. It was dark outside, but not too dark that they were unable to see – especially after the darkness of the tunnel – and the two of them marked the entrance to the path back up through the mountain. It would be a tiring trek up the incline when they returned again, but an easier one than the mountain path they had taken on their journey upwards.

 

           Smiling at each other, the two girls set off towards the flickering lights of Z’onn Z’orr spread out before them.

 

\---

 

           They slipped out of the cool night air and into the warmth of the alehouse. Kara smiled as she took in the sight of the familiar woman behind the bar, and her and Alex moved through the near empty room towards her.

 

           “Ah, I remember you two,” M’gann said with a small smile. “I am glad that you didn’t perish on the climb up, although I dare say you were close to it.”

 

           “Indeed,” Alex replied.

 

           “I take it that your time up there was spent well,” M’gann said. “It is rare for the Bronze Wraith to deem initiates ready to leave so quickly, unless he forces them out. I take it by the weapons hidden beneath your furs that you were not forced to leave.”

 

           Kara frowned in confusion. “The Bronze Wraith?”

 

           “Then you do not know who lives atop that mountain. Come, take a seat and I shall tell you all about your master.” Two flagons of golden ale were set down on the bar, and M’gann walked out from around the bar, taking a seat on the bench before the hearth. The two sisters sat down opposite her, nursing their drinks as they looked at her expectantly. “J’onn J’onzz is the last of his tribe – killed by the people of my own tribe – and he is a warrior of great renown in the Sun Lands, and here known for his skill as an assassin. He earned his title from the bronze mask he wears when he stalks his prey, and it is true he moves like a wraith.”

 

           “You sound as if you know him,” Kara murmured, raising her drink to her lips.

 

           “I do,” M’gann said, a small smile of amusement curling her lips. “I came here from the Sun Lands begging for mercy for what my tribe did, and to my surprise, I found myself at the mercy of a man my people had tried to murder. I was a warrior in my tribe, and I trained with J’onn a short while, before I decided that I could not suffer bloodshed any longer. I find that I prefer to spend my days brewing ale and making the townspeople cheerful.”

 

           “A worthy cause,” Alex said, raising her flagon slightly in appreciation of the fine ale.

 

           M’gann dipped her head in thanks, giving her a grateful smile before standing. “The hour is late; I will be retiring for the night shortly. You are both welcome to sleep before the fire if you don’t yet have a place to stay.”

 

           The two girls thanked her, drinking their ale as they made conversation with M’gann as she bustled around the hall, wiping down tables with a rag and sweeping the rough stone floor. Before turning in for the night, she barred the front door of the alehouse and bid the Kara and Alex goodnight, disappearing through to the back of the hall where her living quarters remained. Draining the remains of her drink, Kara took hers and Alex’s empty flagons and slipped behind the bar to clean them and put them away, before fetching her blanket out of her bag and making a bed for herself before the fire.

 

\---

 

           They awoke early the next morning, the hearth letting off curls of smoke as the coals burnt low in the fire. Chasing sleep away, Kara kicked herself free of her blankets and rose to her feet, yawning widely. “Good morning,” Kara murmured, spotting M’gann behind the bar, readying herself for a day of business.

 

           “You slept well?”

 

           “Very well. Thank you for giving me a place by your fireside,” Kara smiled at her. “Please, let me repay the kindness. Is there anything I can help you with?”

 

           “A welcome guest need not pay,” M’gann said, waving away Kara’s thanks and offer, but at her insistence she caved in, letting her scatter rushes over the floor and fetch firewood in from the chopped stack behind the alehouse. Alex busy carrying barrels of ale up from cellar when Kara finished with her own tasks, and once she’d finished her own job they sat down to eat the food that M’gann prepared for them.

 

           They didn’t linger in Z’onn Z’orr, and as soon as they cleared up breakfast and rolled up their blankets, they were ready to leave, thanking M’gann once more. Stepping out into the cobblestoned street, Kara smiled at the fine weather, hitching her bag higher up onto her back. “A fine day for travelling.”

 

           “Indeed. Now, where are we to go?”

 

           “West,” Kara immediately replied; the complete opposite direction to Kandor, for the capital stood on the Eastern edge of the country, nestled in a bay of blue water that gave way to the endless sea. It would take them months to traverse the wide country on foot, and even longer to circle it completely, and Kara was looking forward to the chance to see her land. Hopefully by the time they’d travelled the kingdom Kara would be ready to take to her throne; to return to Kandor and rule over her people, for her return was already long overdue.

 

           So they set off west, away from her home, making their way through the foothills of the mountains as they watched spring give way to summer. Their pallid complexion was soon deeply tanned, and they traded their fur and leather for summer tunics, and before long they were almost unrecognisable from the two girls hidden away deep inside the mountain. They passed through village after village, seeking out an inn or welcoming family that would give them shelter and food in return for work, and Kara would ask them endless questions about their lives, their trade, and the village. She was pleased by what she heard; it sounded like her aunt’s rule in her stead was proving well for even the common folk living in the shadow of the mountains.

 

           They found themselves at Ma’aleca’andra at the height of summer, and the stone city at the western edge of the mountains stood tall and strong, surrounded by the craggy rocks that gave way to rolling fields of wheat holding hundreds of farmers. Kara smiled at the big city – the first that she had been in since she had left home – but Alex was wary at the big city. She said there were too many eyes, and Kara’s long overdue return home meant that it was likely that people were looking for her.

 

           Still, they stayed a few days, only managing to get into three fights and bringing the guards to their attention once, which Kara thought was lucky considering her stubbornness and Alex’s fierce temper. Lucky for them, they were quick and nimble after all their training, and they managed to jump over carts an, dart though alleys and scale the rough stone walls of buildings to keep themselves out of reach of the guards. After that they had sat on top of a dilapidated building, gasping for air as they hid behind a crumbling chimney stack, and Alex had firmly decided that they were leaving, much to Kara’s dismay.

 

           So they left the city behind, keeping their hoods up as they walked through the gates so that soldiers would not spot them, and they made west again. Not long after they left they were picked up by a band of travellers, their colourful wagons trundling along the Great Western Road while people laughed, sang and juggled. They were bards and acrobats, travelling from town to city to village to entertain people, and they welcomed Kara and Alex into their group with the enthusiasm of people who were happy and carefree, with not a trouble in the world.

 

           “Strangers, come, travel with us,” a man with wild curls said, urging his horse to slow as the two girls neared the group from behind. “We are heading west, and new company would be gratefully appreciated.”

 

           “We are also heading west,” Kara said with a smile at the man, ignoring the slight dig of Alex’s elbow in her side. “Some song and company would do us good, don’t you agree, sister?”

 

           Alex sighed but agreed without argument, looking up at the man with wariness. “What is your name?”

 

           The man laughed, flashing her a smile. “I was orphaned as a small child – given no name by my mother. Most call me Music Meister.”

 

           “Sing us a song then, Music Meister,” Kara commanded with a smile. She laughed with delight as he sang, and she was quick to join in, picking up the songs and adding her voice to the mix, while the children swarmed her, clamouring to be picked up. Alex was a little more reserved, but even she relaxed slightly with the sound of song, lutes and pipes as children begged for her to carry them on her shoulders.

 

           Almost two months were spent with the group of entertainers, and they learnt much about the tidings of the kingdom as they walked, as well as many stories that the enjoyed just as much. They arrived in Argo City at the turning of the seasons, and as red and orange fallen leaves swirled around them in the breeze, they looked upon the great walled city at the very western edge of Kara’s kingdom. It was squat and made with large limestone blocks carved from the cliffs along the coast. In the late autumn sun, the city was bathed yellow, and Kara felt her eyes prickle with tears and a lump form in her throat.

 

           “I think this is where we part, Music Meister,” Alex said to the smiling man, and he inclined his head.

 

           “Then it has been a pleasure to travel with such excellent company,” he told them, pressing a hand to his chest and bowing his head slightly. “We shall miss the sound of your singing, and your stories.”

 

           Kara gave him a small smile. “The pleasure has been ours.”

 

           They departed the band of troubadours and set off down the wide road leading towards the massive gates of the city, and within a hour they were walking through them, and into the bustling seaport city. The air smelled of salt, and the crashing noise of the waves below could be heard even through the din of thousands of people calling their wares or arguing in the streets. Taking in the yellow bricked buildings and the stalls lining the street, Kara smiled and looked at Alex.

 

           “My father would bring us here every year during the summer,” Kara said, a bittersweet feeling rising within her. “It has not changed a bit.”

 

           “Is there anywhere you wish to go?” Alex murmured, laying a comforting hand on her sister’s shoulder.

 

           Kara shook her head. “We shouldn’t linger here long, there are people who could recognise me. A few days perhaps, and then we should see if we can find a boat that will give us passage south in exchange for work.”

 

           They spent a few days wandering the streets, looking a wares and watching the street performers. They felt guilty about it too, but their provisions had run low over their stay with the travelling troubadours, and their quick fingers were put to use to steal from the stalls of the richest sellers – Kara made sure it was only the rich. They found themselves an alcove at the end of an alley to sleep in at night, and the only things that bothered them were the alley cats and rats scurrying around in the late hours of night.

 

           It wasn’t until the fourth day that they secured themselves passage on the Iph-Ro, a small merchant ship that was heading towards Xan City, the most southern city in her kingdom. They had awoken that morning and picked their way down the steps carved into the limestone face of the cliff, finding themselves at the edge of the port, amongst the fishmongers and their fresh catches, the merchants and their wares, and the soldiers of the navy, returned from their turn at sea.

 

           They spent two weeks aboard the ship, scrubbing the grimy deck and coiling ropes as the sailors navigated the azure sea in payment for passage. The swaying deck was unfamiliar beneath their legs, and Alex had looked slightly green the first day as they bounced over the choppy waves. By the end of their trip though, she’d found her sea legs and enjoyed standing along the side of the ship, feeling the saltwater spray on her face as she breathed in the fresh air – there was almost something freeing about it. Kara would join her, and they would talk and laugh, pointing out dolphins racing beside their boat and the seagulls squalling overhead as their wings carried them on the breeze.

 

           Eventually they pulled into the port of Xan City, and with their thanks to the captain, they found themselves on dry land, their legs unsteady beneath them as they stood on solid ground for the first time in a fortnight. As they wobbled up the jetty, Kara looked around herself with a small smile on her face.

 

           “Welcome, sister, to Xan City. To the home of my cousin, Kal-El,” Kara said, gesturing towards the keep rising above the the bustling city.


	5. Chapter 5

           After two weeks on a ship, they were both aching to wash, and so they walked along the docks until the wood gave way to white sand beneath their feet, and smiling at each other, they stripped down to their underclothes and raced each other down to the water full of screaming children and adults who weren’t preoccupied with work. It was cold but they both laughed in delight, splashing around and dunking each other under the water as they enjoyed themselves under the hot sun. They’d both learnt to swim as children, and had spent countless days swimming in the river near the temple, and after all the travelling they’d done it felt nice to just relax as they drifted with the tide. The Gorvan Shore was beautiful too, with tiny shells drifting in the foam and the coral reef housing dozens of types of little fish. They dived down as deep as they could, opening their eyes in the stinging salt water as they looked around; neither of them had ever seen anything so beautiful.

 

           Before long, their skin started to shrivel and they decided that it was time to get out. The sun would be setting soon, and they didn’t want to catch a chill walking around with wet hair. Sat on the sand, they both scoured their skin dry and clean as they watched the horizon turn orange as the sun started to sink lower and lower. “So, do you think your cousin will recognise you or will we have to find some other way to convince him?” Alex asked, tugging on her shirt.

 

           Kara blinked in surprise, frowning slightly as she processed the meaning behind Alex’s words. “I’m not going to my cousin.”

 

           “What do you mean? You said that this is where he’s lord of,” Alex said, her frown mirroring Kara’s.

 

           “It is, but … see, the thing about Kal … he’s honourable. He was always so serious and honourable, even when I was a child. He won’t understand why I didn’t claim my throne – why I didn’t put my duty first,” Kara explained, tracing patterns in the sand as she avoided Alex’s gaze. “I won’t reveal who I am until I make it back to Kandor. Not to anyone.”

 

           Alex was silent for a moment, before she let out a quiet sigh. “So we shouldn’t linger here then?”

 

           “No,” Kara agreed. “Just a couple of days. We’ll find somewhere to sleep for the night. Tomorrow we can have a look around, and steal some food if we have to, and then we’ll leave the day after.”

 

           “Where will we go? The Ansom Islands? Vathlo Island lies south east of here. I’m sure we could find a ship bound there.”

 

           “I went there once,” Kara said, a small smile gracing her lips at the memory. “The islanders taught me how to row a boat, and how to spear fish from it.”

 

           Letting out a quiet laugh, Alex laced up her leather jerkin and gently elbowed Kara in her ribs. “Well you’d better put your skills to use then, sister. Dinner time is upon us and we have nothing to show for it.”

 

\---

 

           They awoke the next morning to the sun shining down on them from where they lay on a roof unclaimed by any of the other homeless people of the city. Rubbing their sore backs, they both made their way to the edge of the roof and lowered themselves down into the alley below, shouldering their near empty packs.

 

           In the packed street, they were able to steal a pie each from a bakery stall without being caught, and dashing off through the city, they took to exploring. For a brief moment they stopped by the temple, kneeling at the edge of the pool and gazing up at the red tree in the middle, quietly paying their respects to the gods before they passed on. Walking through the city, Kara pointed out the fighting pits arena, where volunteer soldiers and fighters fought against each other to the death to entertain the citizens in return for a champion’s purse. There was a similar arena in Kandor, and Kara had been to watch them fight as a child, finding no enjoyment in the bloodshed even if the fighting entranced her.

 

           At midday, they were walking through the market again, gazing around at the cages of livestock, swathes of coloured fabric and fresh fruit and bread spread out along the stands as merchants, bakers and farmers called out their wares. They took no joy in having to steal from people trying to make an innocent living, but they would need food for the road, and so, with a nod off Alex, they split up, making sure to keep each other in sight.

 

           Kara bumped into a man, apologising as she steadied herself with one hand and palmed an apple with another. She whistled sharply, and Alex’s hand whipped up to snatch the apple out of the air as Kara threw it to her. Plucking a couple more from the table, Kara pocketed them and quickly moved on before the stall owner noticed. She brushed past Alex at a baker’s stall, feeling the warmth of freshly baked bread pressed into her hand, and Kara slipped those into her bag she carried in hand. It wasn’t until they reached a stand strung with an assortment of poultry, rabbits and squirrels. Kara watched as Alex managed to snatch a pigeon with quick fingers, and as she reached out for a rabbit, there was a shout from the owner.

 

           “Thief!”

 

           Kara froze for half a second, the rabbit still tied to the rope by its feet, and she quickly glanced at Alex, then at the owner, and then at the other shoppers and bystanders, before yanking the rabbit free and shooting off through the crowd. She had already been spotted so she may as well take the rabbit anyway so her mistake would be worth it. Her real mistake though was glancing backwards to make sure that Alex had also gotten free, because when she turned her gaze forward again, she was met with a pommel of a sword to her forehead, and she collapsed to the cobblestoned street like a sack of stones.

 

           Still half-conscious, she was aware of Alex yelling her name as she was hauled to her feet by rough hands. Struggling, Kara was met with a fist to the stomach, stealing the breath from her lungs, and she could hear Alex fighting with the other man, but she soon gave in as more men overwhelmed them. All of their training was worthless here – they were not trained to fight in broad daylight where they would be spotted – and even if Alex killed the men holding Kara between them, she was in no position to escape and they would be caught anyway, and the punishment would be worse for murder than for petty theft.

 

           Alex allowed herself to be taken too, and the two sisters were marched through the city, and to their surprise they were taken into a rough-stoned, dilapidated building. The two girls were passed up through a hole in the roof, then walked across a crude bridge made from a plank of wood, and then across another roof. They wove in and out of buildings and across rooftops until they came to a shadowy room, and were shoved down a hole in the ground. The smell was awful, and Kara immediately placed them as the large sewer tunnels leading towards the sea. Instead though, they travelled inwards until they came to a large open space lit by torches, where a woman stood waiting, and were thrown to their knees before her.

 

           She wore a red hooded cloak with holes cut in to free her arms, and the two girls glimpsed a tattoo of a snake’s tail twisting up one arm. Reaching up, she lowered her hood, giving Kara and Alex a sharp smile as they took in her deeply tanned skin and angled eyes. “You would be the thieves then,” she said with amusement, arching an eyebrow in mild surprise.

 

           Alex lifted her chin, “I don’t know what you mean.”

 

           “Oh no, make no mistake, I was not asking. I _know_ it was you. I’ve had eyes on you all day, since one of my street children reported seeing you steal two pies this morning.” Kara screwed her eyes shut, muttering a string of curses at their carelessness, and the woman let out a cold laugh. “Come now, don’t be too hard on yourselves. You’re quite good at stealing – I can only imagine how much you would’ve stolen off _my_ streets if you’d set your eye upon gold instead of filling your bellies.”

 

           “We steal only out of need,” Alex said.

 

           “Oh I don’t doubt it,” the woman said, a devilish smile playing on her lips. “But you admit, you did steal from me.”

 

           Kara swallowed the lump in her throat, casting a look at her sister out of the corner of her eye. “It was me. I stole from you, not my sister.”

 

           Alex shot her a quick look of warning, opening her mouth to argue, but was cut off by a quick movement from the woman. “How noble of you to try and take all the blame, but you were _both_ seen stealing from me, and I shall have payment from you both.”

 

           “Then we shall pay,” Kara nodded. “If I could send word to my home I could-“

 

           “You mistake me again,” the woman cut her off. “You are clearly not from this city, that much is _very_ clear or you would know better than to steal from me – you seem like clever girls to me. Now, I shall tell you who I am – or who I shall be to you. I am known as Roulette to the common folk of this city. There are none now who know my real name, but there is none who do not know me in this city. The lord of this city, he makes the mistake of thinking he runs it, but he is foolish to think that there is anyone but me commanding the peasants. You see, I own the game houses, I own the brothels, I own the taverns, I run the underground fighting pits, _and_ I have eyes watching the businesses of merchants and sellers to catch petty thieves. There is nothing in this city that I do not know, and information is power – you would do well to remember that. So, the money comes to my hand, the people come to my businesses, and as long as they pay, we have no quarrel. But you two … you come here and you find quarrel with me.”

 

           “Then turn us in to the soldiers,” Kara told her. She had no desire to reveal who she was, but if she was given to Kal-El’s soldiers, she would be able to get word to him. She could beg an audience, and he would know her and command her freedom. Alex’s safety would be worth giving up her secret identity a little sooner than expected.

 

           “Turn you over? No, I should think not. I have use of you yet, and a way for you to pay off the slight you have shown me by stealing from me,” Roulette said, walking closer to them. “You two shall fight in my pits. Your freedom shall be bought after a year – if you survive that long.”

 

           “A _year?!”_ Kara exclaimed, trying to struggle to her feet until she was roughly shoved back down to her knees by a heavy hand on her shoulder. “We stole a few coppers worth of food – a day’s begging on the street would earn us that much.”

 

           “Then you should have begged,” Roulette said, her voice cold as she crouched down before Kara and grabbed her chin in her hand. “The debt you pay off now is not for the food stolen, it is for your lives.” Kara jerked her head back, and Roulette smiled as she straightened back up. “Or I could have your throat slit here and your bodies running towards the sea with the sewage and no one the wiser.”

 

           Alex clenched teeth, looking at Roulette with undisguised anger and hatred. “Then we shall fight.”

 

           “A wise decision,” Roulette smiled, nodding to one of the men behind her. He nodded in return and a moment later, Alex was being bent forward and her jerkin, shirt and cloak roughly removed so that the man could brand her with the metal he heated in the flame of the torch. Kara watched with horror as the metal sizzled slightly on her skin, leaving behind an angry red, curled snake, and her eyes prickled with tears knowing that she had done this to her sister. To Alex’s credit, she didn’t scream, she just gritted her teeth and hurled every curse she knew at everyone present. And then the same brand was added to Kara’s shoulder blade, and she bit back a scream as the hot metal burnt into her skin.

 

           Roulette walked closer again, gently lifting both girl’s chins so that they were glaring up at her. She caressed Kara’s cheek as she smiled. “You, you have been blessed by Rao, by then Sun God. You shall be my Flamebird.” She dropped Kara’s chin, and then turned all of her attention to Alex, who was still struggling. “And you, you are dark shadows and unrestrained anger. You are like the legend of the Nightwing, a fitting name for you, don’t you agree? Yes, very fitting. My two legendary birds, so different, yet I think we’ll make fighters of you both. Take them to the Proto-Tombs.”

 

           Afterwards, they were dragged through the sewers until they came upon ancient burial grounds of those who lived in Xan City thousands of years before the city had been built. A caged section had been built into the ruins, and they held a dozen other prisoners. They were thrown into their own cage, and they collapsed upon the floor, neither of them having the strength to move. As footsteps walked away, Alex scrambled over to Kara, who pushed herself upright and reached out for her sister. “Alex, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

 

           “Shh, it’s okay,” Alex soothed her, gently running her fingers over the bruise beginning to darken Kara’s forehead.

 

           “What are we going to do?” Kara whispered, her voice uneven as she winced in pain as her branded shoulder twinged. “What do we do now?”

 

           “We fight,” Alex murmured. “And if we can’t escape, we win back our freedom.”

 

\---

 

           The fighting pits were a harsh place, where the lowborn came to bet on less savoury matches than the ones played in the arena above. Slaves were illegal in Krypton, but all manner of people were captured and brought down to Roulette’s fighting pits to fight against each other and pay off whatever debts they owed her. Each week Kara and Alex saw a variety of faces in the cages with them, due to the arrival of new fighters and the loss of ones who had died in the fights. They were lucky, and their training as assassins aided them in their fights as they were quick and nimble and already were skilled with knives and spears.

 

           However, the swords, shields and axes were uncommon to them, and they spent day after day training with weighted wooden practice weapons, lifting heavy beams and dragging large blocks of stone. As the months wore on their bodies became laden with muscles, and they had the strength to wield their weapons with deadly accuracy. They had no choice but to become skilled with the sword as their lives depended on it, yet they found no pleasure in the slaughter of their opponents they versed. Before long, no one could stand before the sisters, and they were favourites whenever they took to the sands to fight. At night they were dragged to a sandy pit and drew their weapons from a lottery. Their only armour was a leather breastplate and a pleated leather skirt, which did little against the keen edges of the swords and axes they fought with, and Kara hated the fact that every blow she landed on her opponent was another death sentence. They changed much in the year they spent in the pits, not just physically, but mentally, even though Alex did cut her hair into a sharp line above her shoulders, much to Kara’s shock. The toll of killing wore them down though, and some nights they would wake in fright, having seen the faces of the people they’d killed. This was nothing new to Kara though, for she had been dreaming of the faces she’d killed every night since she had been thirteen. Still, every night before she fell asleep on the hard floor of her cell, Kara silently prayed to the gods for their forgiveness and for freedom from the pits.

 

           Winter passed, and neither of them could ever remember being so cold, even at the top of Cair they’d had fur and leathers to keep them warm. In the sewers they were scantily clad in rags when they weren’t in their armour, and the freezing cold seemed to seep through the very bricks, and the rough wind blown in with the storms snaked in through the holes in the cliff and found its way through the tunnels. Still, they fought on, finding warmth in the training, and each win carried them through to spring. It wasn’t until the following winter that they managed to escape though, over a year into their stay at the pits – apparently they hadn’t paid off their full worth within the first year.

 

           There was one other woman who had been there almost as long as they had. Her name was Reign – a warrior from the horse people of the plains who had found herself in the pits by mistake after a trade with a band of horses gone wrong. She was a fierce fighter, all muscle and twisting bands of tattoos, and all who stood before her fell. In the pits she was titled Worldkiller, and both girls were grateful that they never stood against her, knowing that it was only out of Roulette's desire to keep three of her best fighters alive. Alex was even more protective over Kara in the pits, and was strongly against them making friends with the other fighters, no matter how much Kara wanted to help them. It was a sacrifice that Alex was willing to make though, and she would do whatever it took to get Kara safely out of the pits – would _kill_ whoever it took.

 

           Each week they were let out of the sewers, only three of them at a time, and under watchful eyes. It wasn’t just the guards that accompanied them, it was all the children perched on rooftops or stood on alley corners, and they knew they wouldn’t be able to escape the city without being caught. It took them months to plan, to make sure that they _could_ escape without being caught, and eventually the day came for it to happen. Reign was with them, and they were given shabby shawls to wrap around themselves as they walked barefoot through the city, soaking up as much sunlight as they could, even though they were shivering and their lips were almost purple. They walked in a line, with an inconspicuous guard in front and behind, making sure they didn’t run for it. Every walk they were sent on, they spent the entire time mapping the city, looking for an escape route. Alex didn’t tell Kara, but she was only looking for a way out for one person, and even though they’d planned an escape for two, Alex wouldn’t waste the opportunity for Kara to escape, even if it meant that she was forced back underground to keep fighting in the pits – and that was the _best_ case scenario.

 

           “I know what you’re going to do,” Reign murmured in Alex’s ear as she took a step closer behind her. “I would take part in your plan.”

 

           “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Alex muttered, her teeth chattering slightly.

 

           Her reply earned her a low snort of laughter off Reign. “Don’t play dumb with me, girl, I’m not half as slow as our guards. And you’re not half as stupid as you make them believe. I can help.”

 

           “No,” Alex hissed through her teeth, leaving no room for argument.

 

           “I wasn’t asking,” Reign said, sounding amused. “Either you let me come with you, or I’ll tell big ears behind me what you’re about to do. I’d choose quickly – the intersection up ahead is your best bet, is it not?”

 

           Alex was silent for a moment, curses running through her mind as she realised that Reign had realised their entire plan, before she nodded her head in silent agreement. “I can’t promise that we’ll make it,” she murmured, “my sister comes first.”

 

           “You see to your sister, and I’ll follow your lead.”

 

           “Agreed.”

 

           Just before the intersection, Alex halted, letting Reign move ahead of her, and the guard prodded her in the back, cursing at her to keep going. Kara shot her a glance over her shoulder, waiting for the signal, and the line between her eyebrows deepened and her eyes widened slightly when she saw Reign stood behind her instead. Giving her a slow nod, Reign’s eyes seemed to convey the message that the plan was still in motion, and Kara swallowed the lump in her throat as she turned back around. As it had been every single day, the wagon filled with cages of live chickens stood against the rough brick wall of the tavern, which happened to have a balcony on its second floor. Kara kept her eyes on the guard in front as she waited for the signal behind her.

 

           It didn’t take long, because as they stepped into the intersection, abruptly Alex stopped again, bending slightly so that when the guard careened into her, he rolled off her shoulder and was propelled into the oncoming crowd, into a particularly big and nasty looking man. He was shoved backwards, and the front guard turned around at the sound of angry voices, his sword already half drawn, and Kara quickly swiped his feet out from under him, stealing the weapon and throwing it to Alex. In a heartbeat, Kara was running for the wagon, jumping up onto it, starting the chickens, and quickly scaling the wall, using the roughly placed bricks for handholds.

 

           Pausing, Kara watched as Reign landed on the balcony beside her, upsetting a man and his ale in her rush, but Kara was already looking down at Alex, who was screaming at her to run. Stubbornly refusing to move until her sister was beside her, Kara watched as Reign climbed onto the shingled roof of the tavern and started picking her way across it, sliding on the icy stone. Rough hands pushed her from behind and Alex’s voice was in her ear. “Have you lost your wits? Fucking move.”

 

           Boosting Kara up onto the roof, Alex tossed the sword up and pulled herself up, her muscles straining at the effort. And then they were slipping and sliding across the roof, before they reached the end and slid off, right on to the roof below. Their destination was the northern gate, and they made a beeline for it, jumping from rooftop to rooftop, which wasn’t easy with the dangerous weather and the wide streets they occasionally passed. Part of the reason why they’d had to wait until winter was so that any chance of pursuit would be made more difficult by the ice and snow hindering them, as well as a lower chance of Roulette’s watchers staying vigilant in the cold.

 

           The few times they had to descend into the streets, they’d been met by some of the older people that were in Roulette’s gang, and Alex had cut them down with the stolen sword without a second’s hesitation, urging Kara to keep going. Reign was far ahead of them, not letting her chance of escape slip through her fingers because the two sister’s were stubbornly refusing to go without the other. They approached the last stretch of the city – a wide pathway bustling with people heading in and out of the city – and Kara’s feet were bloody and torn as they pounded on the frozen ground, stones and ice cutting into the bottom of them. Still, she didn’t stop, she just listened to Alex’s voice urging her onwards, and the giant gates loomed before her.

 

           She didn’t even pause when a man with a dagger stepped out in front of her, brandishing the knife in front of him. Kara just roared as she tackled him, bowling him over and crashing to the ground, her head banging on the floor. By now they had half a dozen of Roulette’s men on their tail, and as she struggled on the floor with the man, she could see Alex trying to cut down the closest pursuing person – a woman brandishing a long curved knife as she bared her teeth at Alex. A fist to her face brought Kara’s attention back to her own opponent and she spat out a mouthful of blood, right in his face as she rolled them over. She was still wrestling the knife out of his hand when Alex reached her, slowing to help her.

 

           “Go!” Kara shouted at her, and Alex’s eyes blazed with anger. “Alex, run! I’ll be right behind you!”

 

           “No!”

 

           With a yell of anger and frustration, Kara snapped the man’s wrist, pulling the knife out of his hand and stabbing him in the throat with a spray of blood. Pulling it out, she scrambled to her feet, her other hand finding Alex’s as they ran for the gate. Soldiers weren’t looking at the people leaving, only stopping the ones entering, and they didn’t slow as they bolted straight through the gates. They didn’t stop as they ran down the pockmarked road leading away from Xan City, they didn’t stop until the sun was low in the sky and their muscles were frozen and aching and they couldn’t take another step.

 

           Reign had been waiting for them around the first bend in the road, sitting in the branches of a skeletal tree, and she’d hopped down as they’d come running past, breathing hard as the air misted with each exhale.

 

           “I almost thought they’d caught you.”

 

           Alex had the sword aimed at her throat in a second, the tip pricking the soft skin slightly, causing a drop of blood to roll down Reign’s neck. “Leave us.”

 

           “I would travel with you,” Reign replied, holding her hands up helplessly.

 

           “Alex,” Kara warned her sister in a low voice.

 

           Lowering the sword, Alex glared at Reign with distrust. “Why?”

 

           “I wish to return to my people. I am to travel north, and I would see myself safe in the company of those who can fight,” Reign shrugged. “Should we not band together for protection?”

 

           “Fine,” Alex grumbled, turning away and setting off down the road in a brisk jog. “But if you try anything, I will slit your throat in your sleep.”

 

           “If I bore you any ill will, I would’ve told the guards you were going to escape,” Reign said falling into step beside her.

 

\---

 

           They walked north for days, only stopping once when they passed through the first village they saw. Dressed in nothing but rags and a shawl, the three of them were frozen, and they’d begged clothes from the villagers, as well as a hot meal, in exchange for some quick labour. They hadn’t lingered though, and they’d set off north again, this time with leather boots and cloaks to warm them.

 

           For weeks they travelled north, over endless fields and through town after town, and with no supplies, except for one sword and one dagger between them all, and no provisions, they went hungry for days on end. They couldn’t even hunt because every living creature was staying warm wherever they called home, except for the three weary travellers. Their only good fortune was on the day they met up with a farmer hauling a wagon of turnips with a draughthorse, and he’d allowed the three of them onto the back of his wagon and told them the news of the area while they rested their feet.

 

           The longer they travelled together, the more that Kara and Alex trusted Reign, with the former warming to her almost immediately, as was her trusting nature. She told them much about her life with her tribe. They were wanderers mostly, and she’d seen much of the kingdom and spent hours regaling Kara with stories of the things she’d witnessed. It wasn’t until spring approached that they found themselves at the edge of a massive sprawling forest, the trees just starting to sprout a variety of new green leaves. It didn’t have a name, everyone just called it the Old Forest and avoided it as much as possible, said to be claimed by the rangers, who were unwelcoming to outsiders. It was the quickest way north though, and its sprawling mass took up much of the south of Krypton, and they couldn’t afford to spend extra weeks travelling around it. On the northern side of it they would find the plains where Reign’s tribe of horsemen lived, and so they pushed on. After everything they’d been through, a forest was one of the lesser threats they had crossed paths with.

 

           “Do you remember the legend of the Scarlet Forest that mother used to tell us about?” Kara asked, drawing her cloak tighter around herself as they stepped into the dim light of the forest, glancing around at the trees. She could name them all, could tell which ones had leaves for healing, and which ones bore fruit, and Kara felt less afraid because of that. They were only trees.

 

           “I suppose we shall find out if it exists,” Alex said with a smile.

 

           “It does,” Reign piped up, her eyes darting around warily. “I passed through the green of the forest once, and I could see red leaves to my right – so many of them – but I didn’t dare approach. That is where the rangers are said to have their camps. I believe that it was the edge of the Scarlet Forest though.”

 

           Kara made a small sound of surprise, for she was often uncertain whether all the stories Eliza told them were true, or just tales to help pass their boredom. After all, she’d also told them that at the top of the mountain where Cair stood, the very peak that held the god sword, was said to be a golden volcano, yet Kara had lived inside that mountain and had seen no proof of it.

 

           “How long do you think it shall take us to pass through here?” Kara asked Reign, raising her eyebrows slightly in question.

 

           The other woman weighed the question as they walked further into the forest, their feet crunching on long dead leaves and their eyes adjusting to the gloominess. “Perhaps two moons. Quicker if we could skirt the Scarlet Forest, but I would not have us risk it.”

 

           Kara shot a glance at Alex. “We shall be back at Cair within the year.”

 

           “Cair?” Reign’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “What business do you two have at the assassin’s tower?”

 

           “Our business is our own,” Alex told her, for although she trusted Reign now, she would not trust her with who Kara really was. They hadn’t even told her their true names; Kara had stuck with Keira, and Alex had called herself Lexa.

 

           “Well, if I were you, I would make for Kantor Mountain and take the valley pass east,” Reign offered.

 

           Alex frowned slightly. “Kantor Mountain? That is where Fort Rozz is. I would not cross paths with that prison unless it was necessary.”

 

           Shrugging indifferently, Reign kicked at a fallen chestnut. “Very well. The matter is no concern of mine.”

 

           They were silent as they carried on through the forest, and Kara’s eyes flicked from side to side. She felt uneasy, and she could see Alex shifting her shoulders slightly, the way she did when she felt like she was being watched. Casting a look around, Kara saw no one, and the line between her eyebrows deepened as she frowned. Carrying on a few more paces, the three of them started at the voice behind them, and immediately stiffened.

 

           “I would not move unless you wish to find my arrows in your necks.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The animal names are lame af but canon compliant with the comics, because ofc Kara has a cat named sTREAKY, but I wasn't going to give her a lame ass cat as a pet so some slight alterations. Also Lena will be in the next chapter, which will hopefully be tomorrow bc I finished my other fic and might be able to do almost daily updates now, nice.

            The three women froze, heeding the words of the woman behind them. “We’re just passing through,” Alex told her, not even daring to turn her head to face her.

 

            “No one passes through here,” the woman said with a snort of laughter. “Speak your purpose.”

 

            “She speaks truly,” Reign replied. “We make for the great plains, to my tribe of horsemen.”

 

            Circling them, the woman stopped in front of the three girls. They all blinked in surprise, taking in the slight woman clad in a mottled brown, who stood shorter than all three of them. She did indeed have a bow, an arrow nocked and pointing at the ground, but they all knew she could have that aimed at them and released within a heartbeat. She was one of the rangers.

 

            She jerked her chin towards Reign. “You speak truly – your tattoos are those of the horsemen of the plains. You two, you bear no tattoos. Where are you headed?”

 

            “North,” Alex told her, lifting her chin slightly, and the woman scoffed.

 

            “To Z’onn Z’orr,” Kara quickly told her. They were wasting time while they stood here avoiding the truth, and she wanted them to cover as much distance as possible before night fell, which wouldn’t be too long in the forest. The light was already struggling to find its way through the dense canopy, and they were only a few miles in yet.

 

            “Then you would do well to pass back the way you came and skirt these woods,” the woman advised them. Alex scoffed, and the woman tilted her head to the side, deep dimples appearing as she smiled. “You find amusement in my words?”

 

            “We fear nothing in this forest,” Alex boldly proclaimed.

 

            The woman laughed, her teeth gleaming in the dim light. “Indeed? Then you are a fool. There are much more unsavoury things in here than myself.”

 

            “I do not find you unsavoury at all,” Alex said, the words falling from her lips before she could stop them. A small smile twitched Kara’s lips and she listened as Alex scrambled to correct herself. “You stand but a little taller than a child. It’s hard to imagine that there is anything _less_ unsavoury than you.”

 

            The woman narrowed her eyes slightly, but then she let out a loud laugh that echoed around them, un-nocking her arrow and adding it to the full quiver hung across her back. “You have courage, even in the face of death. I like that.”

 

            Alex frowned slightly, taking a step forward and positioning herself in front of Kara, protecting her sister as she always did. “What name do you go by?”

 

            “What’s it to you?” she asked, raising her chin as she crossed her arms over her chest, a faint smile playing on her lips.

 

            “I would know the name of the woman who ousts us from her forest,” Alex said, shrugging indifferently.

 

            “The forest belongs to no one but itself, you would do wise to remember that,” the woman replied. “As for my name … Maggie.”

 

            Alex nodded, and Kara stepped around her. “We would be grateful for a guide north, if you would honour us with your company.”

 

            Maggie’s eyes slid over to Kara, and roamed her face. “You are blessed by Rao … and your eyes.”

 

            “Blue is not uncommon,” Alex stiffly replied.

 

            Maggie shot her a wide smile. “No, indeed all those who have been kissed by the sun seem to favour lighter eyes. There are some with dark hair and light eyes though, and I have seen these one before, in a face that I’m sure you know well, your majesty.”

 

            Kara’s face blanched at the words and the small bow Maggie afforded her. “I-I don’t know what you-“

 

            “It is well known that Queen Alura and her sister Astra In-Ze were as alike in looks as a reflection – except a white streak in the general’s hair where Cythonna, the ice goddess, touched her. I had the good fortune of living in the village where the general came to when she was banished by her sister. I was but a child, but I remember her having no children of her own, though her own husband accompanied her. Which leaves her sister – the queen – who had a daughter kissed by the sun. A funny coincidence that the young queen has been missing for some years, no?”

 

            “Fuck,” Alex muttered, realising there was no way out of this.

 

            Reign gaped at Kara with wide eyes, quickly falling to her knees and bowing her head. “Your majesty.”

 

            Maggie followed suit, paying proper respects to the queen, now that her suspicions had been confirmed. “Your word is my will, your majesty, and I will guide you north as you request.”

 

            “Thank you,” Kara replied, shifting uncomfortably at the sight of the two girls kneeled before her. “I would have you stand in my presence, or we shall find ourselves making little progress north.”

 

            Alex let out a quick laugh, giving Kara a gentle push forward, and the two girls climbed to their feet, with Maggie rushing to Kara’s left side, staying half a step behind her out of respect. Kara cleared her throat slightly, gesturing ahead of herself. “You may lead the way.”

 

            Maggie bowed her head slightly, “your majesty, is it not-“

 

            “Yes, the law says none may walk before me, but you are to be our guide. I would like to think I could find my way through the forest, but we should make faster time if you walk before me.”

 

            “As you command, your majesty.”

 

            Each time she was called ‘your majesty’ Kara winced at the reminder of everything she was and everything she didn’t want. Maggie rushed forward, keeping her bow in hand as she took the lead, and Kara fell into step behind her, followed by Alex and Reign, who were quietly arguing behind her. “You could’ve told me who you were, I would not have spilled secrets shared in trust.”

 

            “No offence was intended, but the safety of my sister was of utmost importance. She would tell no one who she was – not even to save herself from the fighting pits,” Alex said. “Also my name is Alex.”

 

            Reign snorted with laughter, “a true deceiver.”

 

            “Apologies, Reign,” Kara said, turning to look over her shoulder and dipping her head slightly.

 

            “None are required, your majesty. At least I shall have the chance to talk of the time I travelled across the kingdom with the queen and her sister.”

 

            “If it please you, I’d prefer you call me Kara.”

 

\---

 

            They made quick progress north with Maggie guiding them, for she knew all the secret pathways or the quickest shortcuts through the thickets of trees. They never went hungry either, and she proved that her skill with her bow was as deadly as promised, and each night they found themselves around a fire with some sort of animal roasting over it, along with what fruits or wild vegetables they’d managed to forage. The deeper they went, the thicker the trees became, and the darker the forest as little sunlight filtered down to the ground through the thick canopy hundreds of feet above them. Kara loved the forest though, and she found herself enjoying their walk north, feeling safer than she had since leaving Cair. Maggie was right – there were things in the forest that felt dangerous as they lingered just out of sight of the group, but close enough to keep them on edge and alarmed – but they crossed paths with no one else, even though Maggie insisted that they’d passed by a dozen or so other rangers.

 

            Kara felt a little out of place around the two other girl’s now that they knew who she really was, and try as they might, they wouldn’t stop treating her as if she was the queen and it irritated Kara to no end. She’d even asked Maggie to teach her how to track, and how to stay unseen or shoot the longbow that was almost bigger than the short girl, if only so that she could break through the walls that the ranger set between them. It did little to get the girl to warm to her though, but Kara learned a great deal off her, and so did Alex, who had other motives for asking Maggie to teach her what she knew.

 

            Still, it was weeks before they even reached the middle of the forest. The first sign was the glimmer of red in between the green leaves on the floor, and then soon enough they were at the edge of a sprawling mass of white trunked trees with red and orange leaves that made the entire forest look like it was on fire.

 

            “Welcome to the Scarlet Forest, your majesty,” Maggie said, smiling as she gestured ahead. “It would be best if we hurried through here. It is the quickest way, as promised, but the rangers who live in villages reside here to be closer to the gods. As you know, these are Rao’s trees, and we are all servants of the gods here. That does not mean we are welcoming to outsiders though, so please, keep your head down and speak to no one.”

 

            “Of course,” Kara agreed, ensuring that her hood was pulled all the way up, plunging her face into even more shadow than the forest provided.

 

            They walked for miles through a sea of red leaves that crunched and rustled beneath their feet, and Alex frowned as she looked around for some sign of people. Maggie had said there would be villages, but so far, they had seen nothing, not even at the very centre.

 

            “Where are your villages?” Alex murmured, and Maggie flashed her dimples at her as she smiled. Reaching out, she tilted Alex’s chin up, casting her gaze towards the canopy. Kara let out a laugh of amazement as she took in the sight of rope bridges swaying a hundred feet in the air in the slightly breeze, and more criss-crossing even higher up. There were huts and platforms built into the very trees, with ropes and ladders connecting the different levels. Behind her, Kara could hear Reign’s muttered cursing at the sight of it all.

 

            “No one ever thinks to look up,” Maggie said, before hesitating slightly. “Would you care to go up?” Kara shot Alex a pleading look, and it didn’t take much convincing on her part, which meant that Alex really wanted to go too. Maggie gave the three of them stern warnings, but obligingly led them further on through the forest, until they came to a tree with a gnarled trunk, perfect for climbing. Up and up they climbed, until the first lower branch extended to the next tree over, and they carefully clambered across it. They didn’t have Maggie’s sure footing as she practically ran across branches barely wider than they were, and going up was slow progress, but eventually the floor was an indistinguishable carpet of red as they stood two hundred feet in the air.

 

            “Gods above,” Alex breathed as they stepped out onto the first rope bridge, and Kara smiled with delight at the sprawling village spread out before them. Maggie took the lead, and set off across the swaying bridge as if it was a wide paved street, leaving the three girls to shakily walk across, warily eyeing the gaps between the planks.

 

            “I’m almost grateful that we didn’t stop for midday meal,” Reign breathed, looking a little pale. “Feet are most certainly not supposed to rise higher off the ground than is necessary to ride a horse.”

 

            Kara laughed, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she kept walking. “We’ll have you back to your tribe soon enough, my friend.”

 

            They watched as children ran past them on the bridge, laughing as they fearlessly raced each other over the planks, before scrambling up the trunk of the tree the bridge was attached to. Kara was alarmed at the lack of fear they showed at the ground beneath them, and she couldn’t help but wonder how many people had plummeted to their deaths from this height.

 

            After winding their way through the village, Maggie stopped in front of one of the larger huts, sweeping aside the leather door flap and striding inside. They followed her in, finding it surprisingly comfortable and spacious inside, and they were met by hard looks and wary gazes as they took a seat at one of the low tables. Returning a few minutes later with four drinks, Maggie handed them out before disappearing again, only to come back with a platter of cheese, meats and fruit. Kara took a tentative sip of the drink, finding the sharp taste of apples filling her mouth.

 

            “It’s cider,” Maggie told her with a smile. “A lot of the trees outside the edge of the Scarlet Forest bear fruit and food for us – mostly apples – so we do with them what we can.”

 

            “What about livestock?” Reign asked, wariness colouring her tone as if she didn’t trust people who lived in trees and didn’t herd sheep and cows on the open plains.

 

            “We raise enough to keep us all fed and clothed,” Maggie told her, “we just manage to keep out of sight is all. Less trouble that way. Speaking of which, you should drink and eat quickly. I would have us away from here as soon as possible.”

 

\---

 

            They hadn’t lingered in the village, not even for supplies, and they’d set off again immediately, finding themselves miles away by the time the forest fell truly dark. It was another week of walking before they reached the sound of running water, and soon came upon a wide river, and a waterfall crashing down into it from the cliff above, which was the source of the loud noise. Maggie lowered her hood and turned to face them all. “This is Fire Falls, named so because the leaves make the water look like aflame,” Maggie shouted, gesturing to the water that reflected the red and orange of the trees surrounding them. “We should make faster progress from here – I shall get us boats.”

 

            She disappeared through the forest, leaving the three of them to dip their feet in the water and snack on strawberries that Kara plucked from the base of a nearby tree. They were all well rested by the time that Maggie returned with three rangers, carrying two small boats between the four of them. Setting the first one down in the water, Maggie climbed in and rose her eyebrows as she waited for her partner, and Kara gave Alex a quick nudge. Casting an uncertain look at her sister, Alex gave her a quick nod and climbed in behind Maggie, knowing that Kara wouldn’t come to any harm by Reign’s hand. The next boat was placed in the river, and Reign held it still while Kara climbed in, picking up an oar and dipping it in the water. In pairs, they rowed their small boats down the river, letting the current propel them forward. Despite the fact that the river wound back on itself and curved in its journey, they made good time, and before it turned back south to make back towards the sea, they came to a halt. By the time they made it to the straggly, thin trees at the northern edge of the Old Forest, autumn was in the air, and the new shoots were starting to flower on the fields that lay before them.

 

            Reign’s eyes lit up at the sight of the fields, and Kara smiled slightly at the sight of her itching to run out to them – she had made his dislike for the forest no secret. Alex on the other hand, hung back as they stood in the shade at the edge of the forest, and Kara walked over to her sister, nudging her gently as she followed her gaze to Maggie, who was drinking from her waterskin.

 

            “You care for her,” Kara murmured, keeping her voice low so she wasn’t overheard by Maggie’s keen ears.

 

            Alex started slightly at the words, quickly turning her attention to the fields that lay beyond. “You jump to conclusions, sister.”

 

            “And land on proper footing,” Kara said, smiling slightly. “It’s okay, Alex. She is welcome to come with us, if she would accept invitation.”

 

            “Come with us?” Alex asked, blinking in surprise.

 

            Kara’s smile grew wider, “if she weighs heavy on your mind then she is important to me, as is your happiness. She would be welcome at court, if only because she bears my favour. Ask her, and let us continue on our journey. There are still many leagues before us before we turn towards Kandor.”

 

            Giving Kara’s arm a quick squeeze, Alex walked over to Maggie, and Kara smiled in surprise at the nervousness her sister displayed. A few minutes later, Alex nodded her head and stalked off into the long grass. Kara frowned, picking up her pack and chasing after her sister, casting a quick frown in Maggie’s direction. Reaching out for her shoulder, Kara turned Alex around, and watched as the pain on her sister’s face disappeared behind a mask.

 

            “She’ll not come,” Alex stiffly told her. “She says her place is in the trees, not in stone castles.”

 

            “Alex-“

 

            “It is of little concern. Come, we should be off,” Alex said.

 

            Kara nodded, hesitating before running back over to Maggie, who defiantly raised her chin as Kara approached. Drawing herself up to her full height, Kara looked down at Maggie, a small crease between her eyebrows forming at her unhappiness towards the smaller girl. “You will not come?”

 

            Maggie knelt before her, lowering her head respectfully. “Your majesty, I would be of little use in the capital. I fear that there would be no place for me. I am not like Alex, your majesty. She holds a place in your heart as your sister – a bond that is stronger than blood. She will be welcomed at court because of the love you bear her, but I will not be welcomed as she will.”

 

            “You hold my favour, I would make place for you,” Kara insisted.

 

            “Forgive me, your majesty, but I would remain here anyway. My place is in the forest, hunting and tracking and keeping these lands safe,” Maggie told her.

 

            With a small sigh, Kara grimly relented. “Very well. You need not stay on your knees. Rise; I would see a friend stand before me.”

 

            Maggie obeyed, and they clasped forearms and Kara thanked her for her help, before returning to Alex’s side. Before they’d even made it a few steps, she was already gone, melting into the shadows of the forest.

 

\---

 

            Alex was reclusive and moody for the following weeks, and Kara hated to see her sister hurting, and was frustrated that she couldn’t do anything about it. She was almost tempted to go back and find Maggie and order her as her queen - she wouldn’t dare refuse a command from Kara – yet that wasn’t who Kara was. Perhaps she would’ve been if she’d been raised at Kandor, perhaps she would’ve been just as proud and arrogant as all Kryptonian nobility were wont to be, but she had been humbled by many years as a priestess, and her adventures henceforth.

 

            So they travelled further north, angling slightly eastwards towards the lower foothills of Z’onn Z’orr, but they still had a few months of walking ahead of them. Small towns and villages passed them by as they cut across vast fields and rolling hills. Reign still accompanied them, for they had seen no signs of her tribe, but she grew more agitated with each day that passed, especially when Kara and Alex made further east each day. They were in the riverlands of the plains, walking alongside a thing stream, while a castle loomed close in the distance, and Kara frowned.

 

            “This castle … it is Thorul,” she murmured.

 

            “Yes,” Reign said, “the home of house Luthor.”

 

            Kara swallowed a lump in her throat as she looked at the lump of grey stone, knowing that the thick, soaring walls hid a beautiful castle of delicate stonework and sprawling gardens. “I-I used to know someone here.”

 

            “You mean Lady Lena?” Reign asked, arching and eyebrow. Kara nodded, her eyes not moving from the castle.

 

            “The last I heard of her, she was married,” Kara muttered, her heart seizing at the thought. Not a day had gone by when she hadn’t thought about Lena, and she had missed her every moment. Seeing the castle had been a shocking reminder of Kara’s old life, and she found herself with the sudden urge to make for Kandor – Cair be damned. They didn’t stray from their path though, and they carried on north-easterly, skirting around the castle, but from that moment on, Kara couldn’t help but ache with the desire to see her old friend again. She had never wanted for her old life, but now she found that she couldn’t bear the thought of not returning.

 

            “My tribe will perhaps have moved to the western plains this late in the year,” Reign said one day as they traipsed across a flat expanse of grass, nothing in sight except for tiny yellow flowers and a lone gnarled tree that was long dead.

 

            “You are free to depart when you wish,” Kara told her, “we shall continue to make north-easterly though.”

 

            “I understand your desire to reach Cair as soon as possible, and my path will take you away from yours, but you would be supplied with horses. I believe that will greatly speed your journey – you could be at Kandor before the first winter storms set in.”

 

            Alex nodded in agreement, “horses would be greatly appreciated. I think deviating west will prove to be in our benefit, sister.”

 

            “Then we shall turn aside from our path for the time being,” Kara agreed.

 

            Reign had been right, and they found her tribe in a hastily constructed camp of colourful tents and herds of horses grazing around. Her face broke into a smile at the sight in the distance, and she doubled her pace, hurrying to make it home. Kara and Alex showed similar enthusiasm, hoping to find some food and warmth for the night, for the sun was already sinking low on the horizon.

 

            Kara’s identity was kept hidden at the camp, but they were warmly welcomed, and Reign was all too willing to share the story of her journey with her fellow horsemen while the three girls were plied with food and drinks before the massive campfire burning in the centre of the ring of tents. That night, they were given place in Reign’s tent, and they slept soundly with blankets and the soft grass beneath them, rising long after the sun had come up the next morning. As welcome as the people of the tribe had been, neither of them wished to linger in the camp, and they said their goodbyes to Reign.

 

            “It has been an honour to have journey across your lands with you, your majesty, and with you as well, Alex. I feel fortunate to have been placed in the pits amongst such esteemed company, and I pray that we shall cross paths again one day,” Reign said, pressing a closed fist to her chest as she bowed her head.

 

            Kara swung up on the horse that had been provided - as promised – a chestnut coloured stallion that Kara had named Comet, due to the reddish tail that made him look like a red comet that Kara had once watched trail across the sky. She smiled as she reached down to clasp forearms with Reign. “I have been blessed to have one with such skill with a sword to watch my back, and such excellent company to travel with. I do not need to pray to the gods, for I think we shall meet again. Look to the east for my coming,” Kara told her, nodding her head as she reined in her horse. Alex said her own goodbyes, and before long the two sisters were alone again, travelling with only each other’s company as they made their way north-easterly.

 

\---

 

            It had taken them months to walk across the width of Krypton, but with the aid of their horses they made the trip back to Z’onn Z’orr in a little over a month. As they neared the mountains, Kara had found a wolf cub, lost and crying as it wandered around aimlessly, and had begged Alex to let her keep it. With an exasperated sigh, Alex had relented, and Kara had excitedly claimed the grey wolf for her own, calling it Streaky for its mottled coat which made it look like it had darker streaks in its fur. Alex had snorted at the name, but was enamoured with the pup, feeding her scraps and throwing sticks for her as if she were a hound. The wolf didn’t stray far from Kara’s side as they rode north, and Kara was glad for the company of a loyal companion and spent their nights around the fire teaching her to sit and stay.

 

            Eventually, weary and travel-stained, they found themselves gently coaxing their horses up the familiar cobblestoned street while Streaky followed behind, stopping outside the welcoming sight of the alehouse they had departed from a little over two years ago. Swinging themselves down off their horses, they hitched them to the post outside, and gratefully made their way inside, seeking warmth and old friends.

 

            “M’gann!” Kara shouted, catching the attention of the woman, whose face lit up with surprise and happiness as she looked at the two tired girls.

 

            “If it isn’t my two favourite travellers,” M’gann said, smiling brightly at them as she waved them over to the bar. Picking their way through the crowded room, Kara and Alex made it to the bar and thanked M’gann for the mugs of ale that she had poured for them. “You know, one day you might consider telling me your names.”

 

            Kara hesitated, her eyes darting to Alex for a moment. “This is my sister, Alex. My name is Kara.”

 

            “An interesting name,” M’gann said, her eyes narrowing slightly as she studied Kara’s face. “Very interesting.”

 

            “So I’ve been told,” Kara said, nervously laughing as she quickly picked up her drink and took a big gulp, coughing slightly as she roughly swallowed. “We mustn’t linger here, unfortunately, we have need to see our old master.”

 

            “Our horses are outside,” Alex told her, and M’gann nodded. “As well as a certain wolf that we would see no harm come to.”

 

            “They’ll still be here when you come back down.”

 

            “Our thanks,” Alex said, draining her cup and nodding at the woman.

 

            Without another word, they left the alehouse and walked through the city until they reached the lower roots of the mountain. It took them a few minutes to find the mouth of the cave they had descended through when they had left Cair, and they wearily started making their way up through the mountain.

 

\---

 

            It was slow going – they were already exhausted from a full day of riding, and the path upwards was fairly steep – but they eventually made it all the way to the top. The crack of light in the back wall of the cavern filled them both with relief, and they were grateful for some light after so long in the dark, quickly squeezing through the hole to find themselves bathed in dim orange light.

 

            “Thank the gods,” Kara panted, her hands on her knees as she caught her breath. Alex clapped her on the shoulder as she breathlessly laughed.

 

            “Come, we should find J’onn.”

 

            It didn’t take them long to find him – it was daytime, and he was outside, training the other assassins under the sweltering sun overhead. It had taken them a day and a half to walk up the mountain, and they were both blinded by the bright sunlight as they made their way outside.

 

            “Halt!” J’onn’s voice cut through the clacking sound of wooden staff’s hitting each other and the twang of bowstring’s being loosed as arrow’s were aimed at target’s with deadly accuracy. Blinking away black spots, Kara focused on the approaching figure and smiled widely.

 

            “Master,” she said, bowing her head slightly, and Alex copied her.

 

            “My favourite student’s return, as promised,” he said, a smile in his voice as he looked upon them both with affection. He took Kara’s hand in his own, pressing something warm into her hand. “I believe this is yours.”

 

             Looking down at her hand, Kara took in the little golden ring tied on the leather necklace, and laughed. Tearing the leather, she slipped the ring onto the index finger of her left hand, holding it out before her as she admired her house sigil embossed on the gold. “Thank you.”

 

            “You both look tired … and ragged. There seems to be a story worth telling by the looks of things,” J’onn said with amusement. “Come, let us get you bathed and clothed, and then you can tell me all about it while you eat.”

 

            Kara nodded, itching to fulfil her reason for coming, but also knowing that they needed rest. She didn’t argue as she was led back inside and shown to a room with a basin of cold water, quickly scrubbing herself clean and then dressing herself in the black roughspun tunic and leather leggings, throwing her rags into the fire with satisfaction. Alex did most of the talking while they feasted on bread and stew, finding themselves more appreciative of the food than they had been when they’d lived here. As soon as everything was said and done, they collapsed onto low pallets in one of the tower rooms, and were asleep before their heads hit the pillow.

 

\---

 

            They slept the rest of the day and rose the next morning with the sun, feeling well rested and less tense than they had in weeks. After a quick breakfast stolen from the kitchens, they made their way back outside, where the early morning sun shone against the black rock of the cliff face. With a determined look on her face, Kara looked up at the top of the highest peak. The god sword was up there, and she was going to fetch it.

 

            “Bring me a small pick and two coils of rope,” she said to one of the assassins preparing for training, and with a glance at J’onn, who nodded, they ran off to fetch them for her.

 

            “Are you sure you want to do this?” Alex asked, a look of worry on her face.

 

            “No one had succeeded before,” J’onn warned her.

 

            Kara smiled at them both, her eyes crinkling at the corners as her hair shined golden in the sun. “No one had climbed to Cair until the first woman did, when she carved this tower into the side of the mountain. No one sailed to Vathlo Island until the first man got in his boat and sailed across. No one has fetched the god sword, and I shall be the one to do it.”

 

            Alex nervously tapped her foot as she cast her gaze upwards. “If you fall-“

 

            “Then I hope Kal-El is ready to take the throne,” Kara said with some amusement, causing Alex to scowl. Laughing, Kara gave Alex’s arm a quick squeeze. “Alex, I’ll be fine.”

 

            The assassin was back quickly, handing Kara the ropes, which she looped around her body, and then took the small pickaxe, weighing it in her hand. She smiled at Alex and J’onn, and then ran off towards the tunnel while they looked after her in confusion and concern. Through the twisting corridors, and up the spiral staircases, Kara ran until she reached the top floor and came to the first window she found. Looping the pick through her belt, she leant out the window, looking upwards and smiling. Removing her boots, and then one of the ropes, Kara tied it to her belt and then tied the other end to the leg of the bed, which was too wide to fit through the window, and would catch her if she fell, even if it would be painful.

 

            She was careful as she stepped out onto the wide windowsill and pressed herself against the side of the tower. It had been carved out of the side of the mountain, so there were no handholds between bricks, but there was enough grip on the rough stone of the edge of the window to allow her to haul herself up onto the sloping roof. Her feet scrambled for purchase as she threw herself up to the cliff face. Next came the hard part, and she took a deep breath, glancing down at Alex, who had come closer to the base of the tower to watch. Muttering a quiet prayer to Rao, Kara took the small pick out of her belt and started chipping a handhold for herself.

 

            It was slow going as she had to stop every foot to carve herself a new groove for her hand hand, but her feet were secure in the shallow holes, giving her enough security to pause and afford herself the time to chip away at the mountain. Her path led her to the left of the tower – if she fell she didn’t want to smash onto the roof of the tower before the rope managed to stop her fall – and slowly but surely she inched her way upwards.

 

            The sun was at its highest peak when she finally hoisted herself over the lip of the top of the mountain, and Kara let out a yell of triumph as she collapsed to her knees, her breathing ragged after so much physical exertion. She looked ahead of her, and her face went white.

 

            The tales Eliza had told them about the mountain was true, for at the top of the mountain, it sloped downwards, creating a bowl of cracked stone, with a vivid orange in between the cracks. The golden volcano. It wasn’t anywhere near erupting, but the lava was visible in between the already solidified lava, and Kara looked to the centre of the bowl of the mountain, where a sword was plunged into the rock.

 

            The god sword.

 

            Determined, Kara untied the rope from her belt and set off down the side of the bowl, her feet kicking up loose stones as she half slide down towards the middle. The rock was warm beneath her feet, and Kara couldn’t help but wonder how wide the mountain was if the assassins had carved a path down to the bottom of it, yet had come nowhere near to the centre of the volcano. As she neared the rock that the sword was plunged into, she saw that there were words inscribed into it, and she knelt before it to read them.

 

_‘None but the worthiest shall climb Mount Mundru and claim the gift of the god sword set within this rock by the hand of Rao’_

 

            Kara climbed to her feet, frowning as she stared at the sword. The words spoke as if it was free for anyone to take, as long as they climbed the mountain, but Kara was uncertain as to whether the sword would come from the stone freely. It looked to be made from plain steel, yet its edge was razor sharp after years of standing upon the top of the mountain, and there was no rust or blemish upon it. The hilt was plain metal, but the pommel was circular with a topaz set into it, gleaming yellow in the sunlight. With a shaking hand, Kara reached out, gripping the sword and yanking at it. She stumbled backwards as the sword came away easily, and she let out a surprised laugh, holding the blade in two hands.

 

            She had done it.

 

            The real problem now would be getting back down.

 

            Shoving the sword through her belt, Kara scrambled up the side of the bowl of the volcano, unwinding the other rope and quickly tying it around the first secure rock she could find. For good measure, she tied the other rope back around her belt too, and the she slowly lowered herself over the side of the mountain, rappelling down the rough face of the cliff until her feet touched the roof of the tower once more. Climbing back in through the window, Kara untied herself with shaky hands and ran back down through the tower, bursting out into sunlight with laughter.

 

            She drew the sword and held it up for Alex to see, who was running straight towards her, wrapping her in a tight hug. “Thank the gods,” she breathlessly murmured, her eyes running over Kara’s body to make sure she was fine. “You actually did it.”

 

            “I did it!” Kara excitedly exclaimed, holding the sword out towards Alex. “The sword of the gods. It’s real.”

 

            “Oh Rao,” Alex breathed, reaching out to touch it with trembling fingers. “There isn’t a person alive in this kingdom who would forsake you now.”

 

            J’onn warily approached, and much to Kara’s surprise, he knelt before her, touching a hand to his forehead in a sign of respect that was common amongst the Skrulls. He had never shown such deference to Kara, but he wouldn’t dare offend the gods – even those he didn’t hold faith with. “Your majesty.”

 

            Kara nervously swallowed, looking down at the ring glinting on her finger, and the sword clutched tightly in her hand. “I need you to send ravens – to every keep, castle and city in the kingdom.”

 

            “What would you have them say?” J’onn asked, climbing to his feet.

 

            “That the queen is returned,” Kara said, proudly raising her chin. “And she has the god sword.”


	7. Chapter 7

            It took them a fortnight of hard riding before they reached Kandor, pushing the horses as hard as they dared. The problem with sending ravens to every corner of the kingdom meant that news would have spread about Kara, and there was a chance that there would be people watching the roads, and they wanted to try and outrun anyone who would do them harm. They were tempted to turn aside for a short stop at the temple, but neither of them wanted to risk being caught at the temple, especially after the soldiers had found them there last time. A part of them was also worried about what they would find if they went to the temple, and they decided to avoid it for the time being. So instead, they made south-easterly, heading for the coast as fast as they could.

 

            It wasn’t until almost midnight that the castle came into view, and Kara’s stomach tied itself into knots as she was overcome with nerves. Closer and closer the walls grew, and the sheer size of it made Alex utter an exclamation as she looked at the sight with awe. It spread out for miles, with the castle set back from the port city, on a small hill as it looked out at the sea and the surrounding fields and hills. The city was called Kandor, and while the castle was afforded the same name as the city, it was miles away from it, but the castle and grounds were big enough to house the entire population of the city if the need arose.

 

            Urging her horse on, Kara trotted up to the walls, crossing the drawbridge and up to the lowered portcullis with Alex in tow. They were stopped by the guards manning the gate and walls, who looked at them with suspicion. “Halt!”

 

            “I must speak with Astra In-Ze,” Kara told the guard who stepped forward, her face hidden in the shadows of her hood. “It is a matter of utmost importance.”

 

            “The hour is late, stranger,” the soldier gruffly told her, standing his ground. “Return in the morning and present your cause then.”

 

            Alex guided her horse a little closer. “Tell her we have news of the queen. I’m sure she’ll not be opposed to being disturbed so late at night.” Hesitating for a second, the guard seemed to weigh up the consequences of what would happen if they turned out to have important information and he didn’t let them in immediately. He nodded, turning to one of the other soldiers and commanded her to go and fetch Astra. Begrudgingly, the soldier ordered the portcullis raised and let the two girls into the courtyard to wait. Kara looked around nervously as she took in the castle before her. It was four storeys of grey stone, sprawling from the northern to the southern wall, cutting the grounds in half. Kara couldn’t see it, but she knew behind the castle was an expanse of green grass giving way to the godswood, a forest of trees that spanned acres. On the side that the sat, it was cobblestoned, and buildings along the wall housed stables, kennels and barracks. It was all so familiar to Kara, and she felt small as she looked around at the home she’d grown up in.

 

            It was another fifteen minutes of sat on their horses in the dark, cold night before footsteps drifted towards them. Out of a side door of the castle, a figure strode towards them, a cloak clutched tightly around them and trailed by a few guards. Halting before the two horses, Astra looked up at the strangers sat atop them and raised her chin. “You have news of the queen? Speak quickly.”

 

            Kara didn’t say a word, she just raised her hands and lowered her hood. In the light of the torches near the gate, Kara’s face was illuminated and her golden hair was brassy but unmistakable, and Astra’s mouth fell open in shock as she stared up at her niece. Quickly, she dropped to her knees, and Kara dismounted, taking a step towards her aunt.

 

            “Aunt Astra,” Kara said, her voice shaking slightly, and Astra looked up at her teary-eyed, a wide smile on her face. Kara let out a tearful laugh, throwing her arms around her aunt’s neck as she fell to her knees before her, burying her face in Astra’s neck. Her hug was returned, and they stayed like that for a few moments and a part of Kara felt saddened by the fact that it wasn’t her mother, only her twin, even if she looked exactly like her.

 

            Pulling back, Kara climbed to her feet, realising that everyone else had sunk to their knees too. With some awkwardness, Kara cleared her throat. “Oh, um, rise.”

 

            Astra got to her feet and smiled down at her niece. “Your majesty.”

 

            Kara let out a strained laugh. “Aunt, you need not pay respects to me. It is I who should be paying it to you for ruling my kingdom in my stead.”

 

            “It has been an honour to serve in your stead, my niece,” Astra said, inclining her head respectfully. “Although your return is welcomed with open arms, and much happiness. I’ve missed you, little one.”

 

            “And I you,” Kara said. Alex swung down off her horse and approached Kara’s side, lowering her own hood. “Oh, Astra, this is my sister, Alex.”

 

            “Sister?” Astra replied, raising her eyebrows in mild surprise. “You would be Eliza Danvers’ daughter then.”

 

            Alex inclined her head in agreement. “Yes. It is an honour, Lady In-Ze.”

 

            “The honour is mine,” Astra replied. “As well as my thanks for protecting my niece. You’re years past the promised date of return, and I’m anxious to hear all you have to tell about your travels. Come, your castle awaits you, niece, and I would see you fed and watered before you rest.”

 

            Kara nodded, a feeling of guilt welling up inside her at Astra’s comments about her late return to Kandor. Handing the reins over to one of the soldiers, Kara thanked her and whistled for her wolfhound to follow as she led the way into the castle while Alex and Astra followed behind her, flanked by guards. Slowly, Kara stepped over the threshold of her castle, casting her gaze around the hallway, taking in the tapestries bearing the crest of House El, and the cleanly swept flagstone floor. She didn’t ask directions as she walked through the hallways, memories stirred in Kara’s mind, and things she hadn’t even known she remembered came back to her, and every brick, window and doorway was familiar to her. Pushing open a heavy wooden door, Kara walked into the antechamber and looked around at the dark room.

 

            “Fetch a servant,” Astra ordered a soldier. “We need a fire – and food and drink from the kitchens. Quickly now.”

 

            a peculiar expression passed Kara’s face at the fact that she was to be waited on by everyone in the castle, and everything she could ever want would be provided for her. There was already a stack of logs beside the fire, and Alex snorted as she walked over to it, neatly arranging them in the fireplace, before she picked up the flint to start a flame. “There is no need for you to do that,” Astra called from the doorway as she watched.

 

            “It will take but a moment,” Alex assured her, sparks flying as she struck the stones against each other. Within a few moments she had a small flame burning, and gently blew on it, watching the flames grow. “Sister, come sit beside it and warm yourself.”

 

            Kara smiled, walking over to the table and sitting herself at the seat closest to the fire. Astra cleared her throat slightly, gesturing towards the head of the table. “You should take your rightful place at the head of the table.”

 

            “We can dispense with proper conduct for now, aunt. There’s no one here to see,” Kara said, waving away Astra’s concerns while she smiled. The three of them were silent for a few minutes while they waited for the servant to show up with food and drink, and they spent that time quietly observing each other, taking in all the differences.

 

            Astra’s lips quirked up into a small smile. “You’ve grown. You look so much like your father … yet, there’s something of your mother in you. In your eyes.”

 

            Letting out a quick laugh, Kara’s eyes crinkled at the corners. “We crossed paths with a ranger on our travels. I told no one who I was, but she knew just from looking at my eyes who I was … because of you.”

 

            “You went to the Scarlet Forest?” Astra asked, her eyes widening in surprise. “What took you so far south-westerly?”

 

            “It’s a long story,” Alex said, giving her a wry smile as she took off her cloak and sat down beside Kara.

 

            The door opened a few minutes later, and two young girls placed a jug of fresh water and a platter piled high with cuts of meat, cheese and bread on the table. One of the girls reached out to pick up the jug, but Kara beat her to it, pouring water into the three metal goblets and handing them to Alex and Astra. Raising it slightly, Kara looked at them both. “To the gods.” The sentiment was echoed, and the three of them threw some food into the fire as an offering, before they served themselves. Kara smiled as Alex fed a few slivers of meat to Streaky, who lay protectively next to Kara’s chair.

 

            “So, I should probably explain myself,” Kara said, rolling her goblet in her hands.

 

            “If it please you, wait just a moment,” Astra said, smiling slightly at Kara. Frowning in confusion, Kara sat there silently, waiting until Astra was ready for her to continue. The door quietly creaked open, and Alex shot out of her seat as they took in the familiar sight of Eliza.

 

            “Mother!” Alex exclaimed, throwing her arms around Eliza, holding her tightly while she laughed.

 

            Kara was quickly out of her seat too, rushing towards the woman who had raised her as her own child. As Alex stepped back, Kara threw her arms around the woman, giving her a tight squeeze. “I have missed you.”

 

            “And I you, your majesty,” Eliza said, bowing her head.

 

            Giving her an exasperated look, Kara sighed slightly. “You have raised me as your own daughter, mother. I would not see things between us change now things are … different.”

 

            “As you wish,” Eliza said, smiling as she reached out to cup Kara’s cheek. “I am grateful to the gods for watching over you, and to you, my daughter, for keeping your promise.” Alex smiled as her mother praised her, lifting her chin proudly.

 

            “Then let us tell our story,” Kara said, leading Eliza over to the table and filling another cup with water for her. Astra sat herself down opposite Kara, a look of surprise and wariness on her face as she looked between her and Eliza, almost as if she was surprised at the maternal relationship Kara had with her, at the fact that Eliza had taken Astra’s words to heart. Taking a sip of water, Kara placed her cup down, and took a deep breath, before launching into her tale.

 

\---

 

            It was an almost an hour later, before the last of Kara’s story had been told, with help from Alex, and many questions had been answered. She wasn’t sure what Astra’s true feelings were about her going off on a trip across the land, but she didn’t seem displeased with the events that had happened, and Kara felt her guilt lessened slightly.

 

            By the time they were all finished talking, Kara’s eyes were stinging from a lack of sleep, and she could barely keep her eyes open. Astra stood, proclaiming that it was time for them to retire for the evening, and Kara gave her a grateful smile. Calling Streaky to follow her, Kara walked out of the room, and waited for Alex to follow her out. Turning to face Astra, Kara nodded her head slightly.

 

            “You’ll be given quarters in the king- _queen’s_ rooms,” Astra said, and Kara winced slightly at the thought of sleeping in the room that had belonged to her parents, but she nodded her head. “I’ll have a servant show-“

 

            “I remember the way,” Kara murmured, and Astra nodded. “Thank you though.”

 

            “Think nothing of it,” Astra murmured, hesitating before reaching out to cup Kara’s face. She gently stroked her cheek, smiling slightly. “You really are your mother’s daughter. I’m sorry that things have turned out the way that they are. Get some rest, and we shall see things set to order when the sun is risen.”

 

            Covering Astra’s hand, Kara smiled at her, before bidding her and Eliza a goodnight. She gestured for Alex to follow her, and they quietly made their way through the silent castle, followed by two guards. They walked up two flights of stairs, until they came to the massive doors leading to Kara’s new rooms on the third floor. She stood outside them, staring at the heavy wooden double doors, and took a deep breath. Alex laid a hand upon her shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze. “You may take the room across from mine,” Kara told her.

 

            “Would you like me to come in with you?” Alex softly asked.

 

            Kara shook her head, her eyes still trained on the doors. “No. I think this is something I have to do alone.”

 

            “Goodnight then, sister,” Alex said, walking across the hall and opening the door to her room. The soldiers took up sentry positions on either side of Kara’s doors, and she gave them both a nod, and they reached out to open the massive doors for her.

 

            A fire had been lit in the massive fireplace off to the right, and the vast room was comfortably warm as Kara walked inside, the doors softly shutting behind her. To the left of her, a slightly raised platform held the gigantic bed, covered in furs and blankets, and to the right, a sofa and low table was set before the fire. In the middle of the room, a round table stood, holding a bowl of fruit and a jug of fresh water. Walking around the room, Kara trailed her hands over the old wooden furniture, glancing at the sturdy desk that held quills and ink, the basin of clean water near her bed that stood ready for her to wash her hands and face, the empty chests and cupboards waiting for clothes to fill them. It was all exactly as it had looked when her parents were alive, even though she knew that the rugs, bedding and tapestries had all been replaced with new ones. It was almost too overwhelming for Kara, and she quickly tore off her cloak and boots, tumbling into bed in hopes of finding sleep so that she could avoid thinking for a few hours.

 

\---

 

            As exhausted as she was, Kara woke before the sun had fully risen, and quickly dressed herself in her travel-stained clothes, arming herself with only a hidden dagger in her boot before commanding Streaky to stay put. She wanted to be alone for a while, a few more hour’s peace before she had to face her fate as the rightful queen, and so she threw open one of the windows and glanced down. The floor was far below her, yet Kara had always had a penchant for escaping out of her bedroom window when she wanted to give her guard the slip, and she found that it was no more difficult now than it had been as a child.

 

            She landed quietly on the cobblestoned courtyard, and quickly made her way to the servant’s exit of the castle, and was waved through by the soldiers without a second glance – they were more concerned with people coming into the castle, as opposed to ragged staff leaving. Feeling like she could breathe a little easier, Kara set off towards the city in the distance, welcoming the thought of walking around unhindered and careless for a few hours.

 

            By the time she reached the edge of the city, the sun was fully in the sky, and Kara looked around in awe as she walked through the narrow winding streets of the poorer edge of town. Merchants called their wares and children darted between the legs of women carrying baskets of vegetables and men wheeling carts of seafood. A large tower rising above all other buildings caught Kara’s attention – it was the temple of the gods, and was far more lavish than the one she’d been sent to. With a determined look on her face, Kara set off towards it, seeking out the sacred sanctuary offered at the temple, so that she could pay respects to the gods and thank them for guiding her home safely.

 

            After a dozen of so stops to look at wares or buildings that caught her attention, Kara finally reached the temple, and walked up the white stone steps. Despite the loud sounds of tens of thousands of citizens going about their daily lives in the city, the temple had a hushed feeling about it. The giant red-leafed tree in the middle rose up towards the sun, and Kara quickly walked over to the pond that it stood in the centre of. Dipping her hand in the water, she let her fingers trail back and forth, disturbing the stillness of it.

 

            “Do you seek the blessing of the gods, child?”

 

            Kara looked up at the sound of the voice, coming face to face with a bronze mask that glinted in the sunlight. The woman wore the plain brown robes that Kara herself had donned, but there was something about the way that she carried herself that notified Kara to the fact that she was the High Priestess – not just of this temple, as Eliza had been of theirs, but of all of the temples in Krypton.

 

            “I do,” Kara murmured, inclining her head slightly.

 

            The woman knelt beside Kara, reaching down to dip her fingers in the cool water, and she quickly let a few drops fall on Kara’s forehead. “Then may they watch over you, and may they guide you well in the years to come.”

 

            An uneasy feeling swept over Kara at the woman’s words, and there was an almost knowing look in her brown eyes as she stared right back at Kara. “Wh-who are you?”

 

            “Thara Ak-Var, your majesty,” the woman replied, bowing her head as she knelt beside her.

 

            “How do you know who I am?” Kara asked, her eyes widening in surprise.

 

            “I was there with the old High Priestess when you were brought into this world – alongside Eliza Danvers, who I once had the pleasure of calling sister. I was a priestess here when you would visit with your parents to pay respects to the gods. You have grown much, but eyes will always speak the truth, and yours have not changed,” Thara replied.

 

            “You have advanced far in my absence,” Kara murmured. “The gods have deemed you a worthy servant.”

 

            “I but try my best to honour them, as we all do,” Thara humbly replied.

 

            Kara nodded slightly, casting her gaze up towards the red and orange leaves gleaming in the sunlight. The High Priestess stayed knelt beside her, content to stay silent while Kara’s thoughts strayed. She was still sat there when the soldiers came, led by Alex, who sat upon her horse with a look of relief on her face as she saw Kara sat on the floor. In one fluid movement, she dismounted her horse, rushing up the steps towards Kara, who turned to look at Thara as she climbed to her feet. “I seem to have been found out,” Kara grimaced slightly. “It is an honour, High Priestess. I think I shall return here soon to pray.”

 

             “Until then, your majesty,” Thara replied, bowing her head, before climbing to her feet.

 

            “We’ve been looking everywhere for you!” Alex exclaimed as Kara neared her. “They didn’t think you’d left the castle, but they also do not know my sister like I do.”

 

            Kara laughed, nudging Alex in her ribs. “More the fool them then. I just needed a few hour’s peace before I was required to greet the lords and ladies.”

 

            “And there are many,” Alex warned her as she swung herself back up onto her horse, reaching down to help pull Kara up behind her. As she held on to her waist, Kara sighed, glancing around at the oblivious people rushing around them. Things were about to get very tiring.

 

\---

 

            Upon returning to the castle, Kara had snuck in through the servant’s entrance, and then descended to the natural hot springs beneath the castle that served as the bathing rooms. She had a private one for her own use, and Alex went off to find some clothes that would fit them both, leaving Kara to wash in peace. After so long on the road, the warm pool of water was relaxing, and Kara floated on top of the water with her eyes closed, taking her time. Eventually though, she had to get out, and she quickly dried herself off, opening the heavy wooden door and finding a pile of clothes waiting for her on the floor.

 

            The clothes were plain, made for servants, and Kara grimaced as she shook out the roughspun brown dress. It had been many years since she’d worn anything but leggings, and Kara sighed as she slipped it on. She would need clothes made for her – clothes fit for a queen – but for now, she would have to greet her guests in the ill-fitting dress. Flinging open the door, Kara took in Alex’s freshly washed appearance, pouting as she took in the tunic and leggings that her sister wore.

 

            “How come you didn’t get stuck with a dress?”

 

            “ _I_ don’t have to present the appearance of a queen, so I can wear what I please. Not that you look like a queen in that dress, but it’s certainly more regal than a tunic. I’m sure they’ll make you your own tunics and doublets out of fine material, but for now, you’re stuck with servant’s clothes,” Alex said, giving her a small smile of amusement.

 

            Kara scoffed, pulling at the skirts of her dress. “Please, I’m not so vain that I care about my appearance. This dress is finer quality than most things we have worn since leaving the temple.”

 

            “I think fashion choices is of little concern right now, your _majesty_ , you have loyal subjects awaiting you,” Alex said, smirking at Kara, who groaned as she looped her arm through Alex’s and set off towards the stairs, in search of the guests waiting to greet her.

 

            The ravens that had been sent had yielded a number of lords and ladies to hasten towards Kandor, and Kara took to an adjoining hall to the throne room to greet them individually, just briefly. Only those who lived at court or nearby had made the journey in time to make it there before Kara, so there were mercifully few people to meet.

 

            Sat in a chair by the fireside, Kara sipped at some wine as she waited for the next person to be brought in. Alex and Astra stood off to one side, talking in low voices as they picked at food spread out for them, and Streaky sat at Kara’s side, and she stroked her head while she waited.

 

            “Lady Luthor, your majesty,” a soldier said, holding the door open for a regal looking woman to sweep in.

 

            “Your majesty,” the woman said, sinking to her knees before Kara and bowing her head, before Kara bid her to rise. “It brings me great joy to see you returned to your throne.”

 

            “Lady Luthor,” Kara greeted her, her eyes darting behind her expectantly, but no one else followed her into the room and Kara’s heart sank slightly. “You come alone? As you probably can recall, Lena and I were great friends as children, and I had hoped that we would be reunited again upon my return.”

 

            Lillian shot her a strained smile. “Indeed, you were close to my daughter. She will be arriving within the next few hours, I would assume, along with her husband, Lord Spheer. They come from Lurvan, so the journey has not been too long for them.”

 

            “Ah yes, I had heard she was married,” Kara murmured. “And your son? I was sorry to hear of your husband’s passing, but I’m sure that Lex has easily taken to the position of Lord.”

 

            “He has, your majesty. He has left Thorul already, and I would expect him within the fortnight,” Lillian replied. “He is keen to serve you, as am I.”

 

            Kara inclined her head, smiling at the woman. “I hear you still hold the title of Mistress of the Science Guild, as you did when my parents ruled. I am grateful for your long service, and thankful for your presence within my council. I look forward to our first meeting.”

 

            “As do I,” Lillian assured her, before pressing a hand to her chest and bowing again. “Your majesty.”

 

            After Lillian left, Kara stood and walked over to the food, picking up an apple and throwing it and catching it as she sighed. Astra gave her shoulder a quick squeeze and cast a smile at her. “You conduct yourself well, but how are you coping, your majesty.”

 

            “It is not as tedious as I thought,” Kara admitted, “but I do not know half of these people, and I would see familiar friends in my presence again soon. Where are my old friends hiding to?”

 

            “As Lillian just said, her daughter will be arriving shortly,” Astra said with some stiffness and hesitation. “As for the others, I believe Lord Olsen is on his way with his wife, and should be here within the next day or so, and Lord Schott resides in his workshop within the city. I have sent a message announcing your arrival and requesting his presence here so that you may find comfort with familiar faces.”

 

            Kara shot her a grateful smile, thanking her aunt for her consideration, and took a bite out of her apple. Soon enough the next person was being announced and Kara repeated the pleasantries and inquiries about their family and work that she had already repeated a dozen times today.

 

\---

 

            A cluster of soldiers were gathered in the courtyard, tossing an oval ball and tackling each other, careless of the hard cobblestones, and Kara watched with amusement from the shadows of the covered walkway near the stables. She had finished greeting all of the lords and ladies, had been measured for new clothes, dined with Alex, Astra and Eliza for their midday meal, wandered around the castle and grounds to reacquaint herself, and now she sought some fun and games to relax after her busy morning and afternoon.

 

            Alex walked out of the castle, catching sight of Kara and raising her hand to wave. Kara returned the gesture, and Alex hurried over to her, scratching the wolfhound on the head as she watched the soldiers scuffled. They laughed as a slight woman with red hair slammed into a burly man twice her size, taking him by surprise and stealing the ball off him.

 

            With a determined look in her eyes, Alex took a step forward. “Is there room for one more?”

 

            The soldiers stopped playing and the girl with the ball bowed to Alex, “of course, my lady, although I should warn you that it is a brutal game, and you may face injury.”

 

            “That’s nothing that we can’t handle,” Kara laughed following after Alex. Her smile faltered at the wary looks the soldiers exchanged when they realised that Kara intended to play too, and Kara rolled her eyes slightly. “It’s quite alright, I have played this game of tackle before.”

 

            “Forgive us, your majesty, but we would not strike you,” the burly man said, kneeling as he bowed his head at Kara. With a sigh, Kara snatched the ball out of the girl’s hands, clutching it tightly under one arm and facing Alex, who shrugged.

 

            “Then I guess I’m going to have to win this game for us,” she laughed, facing off against Kara. They feinted left and right, laughing as they judged each other’s body language and mirrored each other’s movements, and with a determined yell, Kara ran straight for Alex, hitching the skirts of her dress up in her free hand. Knowing that she wouldn’t truly hurt Kara, Alex barrelled straight into her, catching her around the middle and dragging them both down on to the hard stones, laughing as they wrestled over the ball.

 

            They both looked up at the sound of hooves striking stone, and Kara’s face lit up in a bright smile as she took in the dark skin and bright smile of her friend. “James!”

 

            Disentangling herself from her sister, Kara climbed to her feet as James swung himself off his horse and strode towards Kara, kneeling as she approached. He smiled widely at her, taking in the messy hair and dress hitched up around her knees in the carefree look of someone who didn’t care for what was proper. “Your majesty. You are the same as ever.”

 

            "Somehow that doesn't sound like a compliment," Kara laughed, standing before him and crossing her arms over her chest as she looked down at him. “Well get up off your knees then, you fool. Would you not greet your old friend with a hug?”

 

            James obeyed, and as he stood, Kara wrapped her arms around his chest, feeling the rumble of his laughter as he returned them embrace. Pulling back, Kara took in the sight of a woman with short dark hair, and assumed that it must have been James’ wife, and he quickly went to help her off her horse, and she knelt before Kara as she introduced herself as Lucy. Introducing the pair to Alex, they were soon laughing and reminiscing about their childhood when the sound of hooves reached their ears again.

 

            Kara was frozen as she took in the sight of ivory skin, dark hair and eyes as green as the cloak draped around the woman’s shoulders. She let out a breathless laugh, watching as the horse was reined in, and a man swung himself down off his horse. His gaze landed on Kara, taking in the sight of the servant’s uniform as he reached up to help the woman down.

 

            “You there, girl, come help steady my wife’s horse while I help her dismount.” Everyone’s mouths dropped open in horror or surprise at the tone he commanded her with, but Kara smiled widely as she all but ran over to the white horse, gripping the reins in one hand as she watched the woman lifted off her horse. The man gently set her on her feet, giving her a tender smile, and Lena quickly looked away, briefly locking eyes with Kara, and then doing a double-take when she realised that she knew those blue eyes and long golden curls.

 

            “ _Kara?”_ Lena quietly exclaimed, her eyes widening with shock.

 

            “Hello, Lena.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now the real story begins

            “Oh, um, your majesty,” Lena quickly said, hiding her surprise as she scrambled to remember herself, and sank to her knees, or tried to, because Kara reached out and gently took her arm, pulling her up.

 

            Looking slightly uncomfortable and embarrassed, Kara smiled at her. “You don’t need to bow, Lena. We’re old friends; I would have you stand in my presence.”

 

            Nodding, Lena gave Kara a hesitant smile as she stood up straight. They stared at each other for a moment, until Kara shook herself out of her shock, turning to look down at the man knelt beside Lena, his head bowed. “Lord Spheer,” Kara said with amusement.

 

            He ducked his head down even more, his shoulders tense as he knelt on the ground. “Forgive me, your majesty. I-I didn’t know-“

 

            “It’s quite alright,” Kara assured him with a laugh. “The dress is a little deceiving. You may rise.”

 

            She looked back over to Lena, smiling brightly at her as she reached out and looped her arm through hers. “Come, there’s someone I’d like to introduce you to.”

 

            Excitedly, Kara dragged Lena over to Alex, who was stood with James and Lucy, watching Kara and Lena’s reunion with amusement. James and Lucy greeted Lena with familiar ease, and she exchanged niceties with them before Alex took a step forward, raising her chin slightly. “Lena, this is my sister, Alex,” Kara said, smiling widely as she gestured to Alex.

 

            “Sister?” Lena echoed with surprise.

 

            “I’ve heard much about you, Lady Spheer,” Alex said, inclining her head as she gave Lena a polite smile. Kara’s eyes widened in alarm, and she quickly started rambling about giving her newest guests the hospitality rites before Alex could divulge too much about what Kara had shared with her. The big group made their way in through the huge front doors, everyone making polite conversation behind Kara as she led the way, whistling for Streaky to follow.

 

            “Is that a wolfhound?” Lucy laughed, and Kara turned, giving her a bright smile.

 

            “I thought she’d make a good protector,” Kara said, reaching down to ruffle the fur behind the wolf’s ears. Nodding to a soldier that bowed as they walked past, Kara led them into a sitting room, and her guests helped themselves to some food and drink, and they spoke for a while, with Alex getting to know the people from Kara’s past, while Kara kept glancing at Lena, who was silent for the most part.

 

            As Kara stood up, everyone else around the table quickly scrambled to their feet, and Kara waved a hand dismissively. “I think I shall take my leave now. I will see you all later tonight - I would have us dine together this evening so that we may enjoy ourselves properly,” Kara told them, giving them all warm smiles, before she looked at Lena. “Lady Spheer, would you mind indulging me in a quick word?”

 

            Inclining her head, Lena stood and followed Kara out of the room. They were silent as they walked up through the castle, and Kara led them to her room, murmuring a thank you to the soldiers that opened her door for them. With a weary sigh, Kara sat down at the table, and Lena hovered nearby.

 

            “You can sit down,” Kara told her with a slight smile. Lena nodded, sitting down and avoiding Kara’s gaze. “Lena?” Kara looked at her old friend with concern. They’d been separated for so long that they didn’t know who each other was now, but still, Kara had expected some warmth off Lena, and was puzzled as to why she was keeping herself at a distance. Kara hesitated slightly, “would you like some wine?”

 

            “That would be most welcome,” Lena replied, reaching out to pour them a cup each, but Kara got there before her, and waved away Lena’s protests at being served by her own queen’s hands. They fell into silence again as they sipped at their wine, and Kara waited for Lena to say something.

 

            When she didn’t, Kara gently cleared her throat. “Lena, have I said something to cause offense?”

 

            Blinking in surprise, Lena set her goblet down as she looked at Kara, a slight frown gracing her face. “No, of course not, your majesty.”

 

            “Then can I- can I ask why you don’t seem pleased to see me again? I mean … we used to be so close, and now you can barely stand to look me in the eye,” Kara said, trying to keep the hurt out of her voice as she gave Lena a sad smile.

 

            Lena let out a shaky breath, avoiding Kara’s gaze again. “I-I _am_ pleased to see you, your maj-“

 

            “Don’t call me that,” Kara quickly told her.

 

            “As you wish,” Lena nodded, giving her a small smile. “The thing is … we can’t be friends, your- Kara. It would not be proper.”

 

            Kara’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, before quickly furrowing into a frown. “I don’t understand.”

 

            Giving her a pained look, Lena hesitated. “You’ve been gone a long time – thirteen years – and much has changed since then. I, well … I’m a bastard, Kara. You wouldn’t know – you probably wouldn’t have heard - so it’s understandable why you think that we can still be friends, but I could not bear to shame you like that.”

 

            Kara was silent for a minute, rolling the stem of her goblet between her fingers as she picked her words carefully. “Thank you for telling me, but I should have you know that I had already heard the circumstances of your parentage while I was … gone – as well as your marriage to Lord Spheer. I care very little about who your mother was, and I would shame _myself_ if I turned away your friendship over something so inconsequential. It is of little importance to me, and I would have you as part of my household as my friend once more.”

 

            “Oh, um, well then, I guess …”

 

            “That you owe your friend a proper welcome,” Kara said with a laugh, standing up and placing her cup down. Lena quickly climbed to her feet too, and Kara took a step towards her, wrapping her arms around her and holding her close, feeling Lena stiffen slightly before returning the embrace. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she closed her eyes, and Kara smiled slightly as she gave Lena a gentle squeeze. “I’ve missed you.”

 

            “And I you,” Lena murmured in reply.

 

            Letting her go and taking her seat, Kara smiled brightly at Lena. “So, this husband of yours …”

 

            “Jack. We’ve been married for five years now – arranged by my mother of course,” Lena swiftly explained, giving Kara a wry smile as she visibly relaxed. “I may be illegitimate, but being from the wealthiest family in the kingdom has its perks, and it was deemed a good match by both parties.”

 

            “Is he good to you?” Kara asked, swallowing the lump in her throat.

 

            “He is. He’s very … caring,” Lena hesitantly said. “I believe that he loves me.”

 

            Kara gave Lena a wide smile, genuinely happy that her closest friend had found someone that could give her the love she deserved. “Then I’m happy for you.”

 

             Lena nodded her thanks, giving Kara a small smile, before steering the conversation to a new topic. “So, I’m sure your tale is very interesting, your- _Kara_. Would you indulge your friend in a telling of the story? I've been dying to hear of it since I heard of your return.”

 

\---

 

            They talked for hours, exchanging stories and reminiscing about the past while they laughed and tried to navigate their relationship after thirteen years apart. They were both different people now, and they had endured a lot, but they fell back into easy friendship, and Kara’s heart ached with the thought of how much she had missed out on by being gone for so long. Lena spoke of people that Kara had never heard of, and she was so different from the girl that Kara had known, yet she loved her friend all the same.

 

            They didn’t move until there was a knock on the door, and at Kara’s acknowledgement, Alex poked her head inside. “Sorry to disturb you,” she said, taking in the sight of her sister and her friend drinking wine and smiling happily. “There’s someone who wishes to see you. Should I send them in?”

 

            “By all means,” Kara nodded, nervously straightening the skirts of her dress as she waited for her visitor to walk in. Alex smiled as she pushed the door wide open, walking inside, closely followed by a shorter man who nervously smiled at Kara. A wide smile spread across Kara’s face as she realised she knew that face, or she had known a younger version at least. “Winn!”

 

            He knelt before Kara as she approached, bowing his head. “Your majesty.”

 

            “Oh I do wish everyone would stop kneeling,” Kara sighed, taking him by the shoulders and lifting him to his feet. She gave him a quick hug and offered him a seat.

 

            “Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but now that Lord Schott is here, the council is ready to meet,” Alex said, giving Kara an apologetic look. Taking a deep breath, Kara nodded, draining her wine and standing up. Lena climbed to her feet too, and together, the four of them walked outside. Making their way through the castle, Kara led them to the council chambers, coming to a stop outside where everyone else was gathered. Lena pressed her lips together in a hard line as she saw her mother, and as Kara approached, they all bowed, murmuring respectful greetings.

 

            “Mother,” Lena said, raising her chin slightly.

 

            “Daughter. I would have thought you’d have come to greet me upon arrival,” Lillian said, her tone cool. “Instead I heard of your arrival from your dear husband.”

 

            “Apologies,” Kara said, giving Lillian a small smile. “I’m afraid I stole her away from you. I couldn’t bear the thought of being parted from my dearest friend for even a moment after such a long separation.”

 

            Lillian gave Kara a polite smile, lowering her head slightly. “Apologies are not necessary, your majesty. I am pleased that you still hold my daughter’s friendship in such high esteem.”

 

            Non took a step forward, looking at Lena with disdain. “I believe there is much that my niece is unaware of. I would not have her reputation tarnished from her ignorance of the company she keeps.”

 

            Lena and Lillian stiffened slightly at his words, and Kara cast a glance at the other council members. “If you would all like to take your seats in the council chambers, I will join you shortly. There is a matter I would like to discuss with my uncle.”

 

            Winn bowed his head, and made his way inside, along with the other council members, bar Lillian and Astra, and Alex, who Kara had insisted be present, even though she wasn’t a part of the council. Lena’s cheeks were flushed pink with embarrassment and she didn’t meet Kara’s gaze as she looked at her, before rounding on Non. “Uncle, you seem to have something to say. Please, speak your mind.”

 

            “Your majesty,” Non said, bowing his head respectfully. “I only meant to inquire about how much you have learnt about court gossip while you’ve been gone.”

 

            “You seek to shame Lady Spheer, but you shame yourself,” Kara stiffly replied, aware of Lena and Lillian’s twin expressions of surprise. “I am well aware of the circumstances of her birth – she herself came and told me out of respect for me. It is of little consequence though – she has been legitimised has she not?”

 

            Astra nodded. “She has, your majesty.”

 

            “Then she is a true Luthor, and anyone who speaks otherwise is of the wrong opinion. I’ll not hear another word about the company that I keep. Now, we have council matters to attend to. Lady Spheer, Uncle, if you’ll excuse us.” Without another word, Kara swept into the council chamber, followed by Alex, Lillian and Astra. She looked around the well lit room, taking in the round table at the centre, carved with the symbol of House El, where the other council members had already gone to their respective seats and stood waiting for Kara. Each chair was carved with the symbol of the guild the council member represented, and Kara's throne held a crown with her house sigil carved into it.

 

            Winn was there as Master of the Labour Guild, overseeing the engineering and building of all cities and equipment that Krypton needed. Lillian was there for the Science Guild, and the High Priestess, Thara Ak-Var, as Mistress of the Religious Guild. Mistress of the Arts was a blonde woman named Cat Grant, who was stubborn and strong-willed, but was invested in the entertainment provided to all within the land. Which left Astra as the Mistress of the Military Guild, and General of Kara’s armies. A small chair had been placed next to the wooden throne, and Alex stood beside it, waiting for Kara to take her seat.

 

            Sitting down, Kara looked around the table, smiling hesitantly as everyone took their seats and turned their gaze upon her. “Shall we begin?”

 

            Cat cleared her throat, and everyone looked to her. “First order of business, your majesty; the coronation.”

 

            “Ah, yes,” Kara murmured. “Soon, I should think. A fortnight henceforth – at the full of the moon. Will that day be auspicious enough, High Priestess?”

 

            “It will be well suited, your majesty. The coronation should take place at high noon though, to ensure Rao’s presence at the ceremony,” Thara replied.

 

            “Good,” Cat agreed. “Preparations are already underway. Your dress is being made as we speak, and alterations are being made to the crown. I have arranged for festivities – both within the castle and the city – and I thought perhaps a tournament could be held too. Melee, archery and jousting, perhaps. Also perhaps a feast within the next week, once most of the lords and ladies have arrived, in celebration of your return to court.”

 

            “As you wish,” Kara nodded in agreement. “What other matters are in need of attendance?”

 

            Astra cleared her throat, and Kara looked at her expectantly. “There is one matter of great importance … your marriage.”

 

            Kara’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and she let out an incredulous laugh. “Marriage? I’m sure there will be plenty of time to find an available match. For now, I would see myself reacquaint myself with my old home and friends. I’ve yet to fall in love with an eligible candidate.” Everyone sat in uncomfortable silence as they stared at Kara, and her amusement faded and she quickly looked at Astra. “Aunt, what has you so concerned?”

 

            “Your majesty … your parents sought out a match for you as a child. You, ah, have been promised to someone already,” Astra hesitantly explained.

 

            “To whom?” Kara demanded, frowning as she took in the words.

 

            Giving her niece a wary look, Astra shifted in her seat. “Mon-El, Prince of Daxam.”

 

            _“Daxam?”_ Kara echoed. “I have not yet even taken to my throne and you would send me _away_ to Daxam? To marry a man than I have never met, and that I do not _love,_ and not only that, but he is a _D_ _axamite?”_

 

            “Forgive me, your majesty,” Lillian said, “but nobility are not meant to marry for love. We marry for profit, position and alliances, both of which you would gain from this arrangement. As you know, things with Daxam have always been … _tenuous_ , and your parents sought to make allies of them through this marriage.”

 

            “I have no need for any of that,” Kara said, stubbornly jutting her chin forward. “I have everything I desire right here, and I would still consider Daxam an ally even if I would not marry the prince. Not to mention the fact that he’s my _cousin.”_

 

            Winn shrugged slightly. “He is distantly related, your majesty, but not so close that it would be unsuitable. Your blood relation is thin, and you share nothing but the name of a house that doesn’t exist in Daxam anymore.”

 

            Kara spluttered, “that changes nothing! I’ll not marry him. I’ll not marry _anyone -_  not unless it is out of love and of my own choosing. I would have this betrothal called off immediately.”

 

            “Your majesty, I don’t think you understand-“ Cat started, but Alex cut her off.

 

            “Don’t seek to treat her as a child, Lady Grant, my sister understands quite perfectly,” Alex snapped, casting a glare at everyone around the table as she defended Kara.

 

            “Then you understand that it might be seen as an act of betrayal, and it is possible that Daxam may retaliate - with force,” Astra said.

 

            Kara bit back a curse, but stubbornly lifted her chin, before standing up. “I’ll not marry this prince. See that our betrothal is undone, but make it clear that I wish to remain allies and friends. I think we’re done here for today - that'll be all.”


	9. Chapter 9

            A little over a week passed, and Kara had been kept busy with meetings and plans for her coronation, and after yet another argument about her decision to end her betrothal to Mon-El, Kara had stormed off to the godswood for some peace and quiet. No matter how loud and crowded the castle seemed, the forest of trees within the confines of the walls seemed like a whole other world, and Kara let her hands trail along the trunks of the trees as she walked in the shady canopy of the trees with Streaky in tow. Finding one of Rao’s red trees, Kara hoisted herself up into the lower branches of it, and lay with her back against the trunk and her legs spread out along the branch as she bathed in the dappled sunlight that filtered down through the leaves. The fresh air was freeing after the suffocating walls of the castle, and Kara started to miss the rolling countryside, and the godswood gave her the chance to imagine that she was still in the Old Forest, following invisible paths that Maggie taught her to see, and learning the prints of different animals.

 

            Enjoying the peace and quiet, Kara felt a flicker of irritation at the sound of light footsteps picking their way over the carpet of fallen leaves and grass, and kept as still as possible so that she wouldn’t be found. Her irritation turned to delight as she heard the quiet voice. “Oh! Come here, girl. What’re you doing out here? Who’s a good girl,” Lena cooed, and Kara peeked down over the side of the branch, looking down at the top of Lena’s dark head as she watched her scratch the fur under Streaky’s chin.

 

            Shifting slightly, Kara let her legs dangle over the side of the branch, and then dangled down over the other side. “Boo!”

 

            “Fuck!” Lena swore, clapping a hand over her heart as she stared at Kara with wide eyes, one hand going to her boot for a hidden knife. “Oh! Forgive me, your majesty, I didn’t know you were out here.”

 

            “It would seem that you’re not so much of a lady as I thought,” Kara said as she laughed, lifting herself back up and sitting on her branch as she peered down at Lena, who was smiling sheepishly up at her. Adjusting the plain brown tunic she wore, Kara rose her eyebrows in amusement as Lena climbed to her feet.

 

            “I would greatly appreciate it if you didn’t let my mother know that – she would hate to find out all her efforts have been wasted,” Lena said, giving Kara a wry smile. She hesitated for a moment as she stared up at Kara. “May I ask what you’re doing in a tree?”

 

            Kara let out a loud laugh that echoed around them. “I’m avoiding people, and someone once told me that people rarely look up.”

 

            “Oh, forgive me, I didn’t mean to disturb you,” Lena apologised, bowing her head slightly.

 

            “Not _you_ ,” Kara said, rolling her eyes while she smiled. “I fear that I haven’t been able to spend as much time with you as I would have liked to over the past week. Would you care to join me on my branch and avoid responsibilities?”

 

            “It would be an honour,” Lena said, smiling slightly as she walked over to the trunk of the tree and started climbing up, careful not to tear the fine green dress she wore. Kara shifted along the branch, making room for Lena as she climbed up onto it.

 

            They were silent for a few moments, drinking in the sunlight and silence, and then Kara turned to give Lena a bright smile. “This is like when we were children and we’d run and hide from our tutors.”

 

            “The only thing missing is my mother shouting at me for dirtying my dress,” Lena snorted. “And some stolen food from the kitchens.”

 

            “Ah, well that last one I’ll gladly rectify, but I’d rather not have your mother come and shout at us,” Kara smiled. “How about some honey cakes?”

 

            “They always were your favourite,” Lena said, and Kara smiled as she slid off the branch, dangling from her fingertips and letting go. She landed on the bed of leaves, and watched as Lena copied her, grumbling slightly about her dress. “I think I should take to wearing tunics and leggings if I’m to be spending time with you, your majesty. You always were adventurous.”

 

            Kara laughed in delight, a flutter of happiness inside her at the thought of Lena spending more time with her. Once the coronation was over, Kara was hoping to have a lot of free time on her hands, and she would gladly spend all of her time with Lena. “I believe that you were as adventurous as I, and far stubborner. In fact, I seem to remember countless arguments with your mother to be allowed to train as a warrior before your father allowed it. Are you still well trained with a sword?”

 

            “Of course,” Lena said, landing beside Kara and dusting off her hands on her skirts. “I would have seen myself into the Military Guild if it hadn’t been for my mother’s pesky meddling with an arranged marriage. Although, I will admit that I do enjoy the Science Guild.”

 

            “Well you always were smart – it would seem that Telle favours you … as well as Lorra,” Kara blushed slightly at admitting that she thought Lena was blessed by the goddess of beauty, and she quickly scrambled for something else to say as she nervously fiddled with her hands. “W-we should spar sometime; I fear that I’m out of practice and I would see myself in good form. I was going to have James train Alex and I during the morning when the rest of the soldier’s drill … perhaps you’d care to join us?”

 

            “I would be delighted to,” Lena smiled at her. Kara called for Streaky to come to heel, and together, the three of them walked back through the godswood, listening to the bird’s chirp while they pointed out some late-blooming flowers and other things that caught their attention. They snuck in through the servant’s entrance, and they tried to remain inconspicuous as they made their way to the kitchens.

 

            “Martha!” Kara exclaimed upon seeing the older woman in the kitchen, holding a tray of small round cakes and covered in a fine dusting of flour. The other cooks and scullery maids cast a quick glance at Kara, and their eyes widened in shock and they all scrambled to kneel.

 

            “Your majesty,” the woman replied, as she set the tray down and wiped her hands on her apron before kneeling. Kara rounded the wooden counter as Martha rose, and barely held back from Kara bowling her over. Lena let out a quiet laugh, and the woman’s gaze landed upon her. “Oh, Lady Lena! I should have known the queen would not have been without her other half. You two were inseparable as children – I am glad to see that many years apart has not lessened the bond.”

 

            Pulling back, Kara gave her a wide smile. “Indeed, I am grateful to still have her friendship. I had no idea you were here, or I would’ve come to see you. The last I heard you had gone to Xan with Kal to be his guardian.”

 

            “Indeed, your majesty,” Martha said, giving her a warm smile. “We arrived not yet an hour ago, and I remembered how much you loved honey cakes as a child so I thought perhaps you would enjoy some.”

 

            Kara’s gaze turned to the tray of cakes and she let out a laugh. “I would almost think you read our mind, for they were our exact reason for coming here. I did very much love coming to bake them when I was younger.”

 

            Lena let out a snort of laughter as Kara picked up one of the honey cakes. “If I remember correctly, you were more preoccupied with _eating_ them than _making_ them.”

 

            “But you enjoyed Martha teaching you how to make them _so_ much; I would have hated to get in the way,” Kara said, her eyes crinkling at the corners. Lena picked up one of the cakes, thanking Martha, and they stood there talking for a few minutes, before Kara’s eyes widened slightly. “Sorry, I must go and greet Kal-El if he is here. Will you not come with us?”

 

            “Of course,” Martha said, untying her apron and gently laughing as Kara picked up a few more cakes, feeding one to Streaky before they exited the kitchens. They walked through the castle, seeking out Kara’s cousin while they talked. It took questioning two soldier’s and a maid before they were given an accurate answer, and as Kara neared the open door of a sitting room, she smiled widely.

 

            All eyes went to her face, and her cousin shot to his feet, along with everyone else present, before they sank to their knees. “Well met, cousin,” Kara said with a smile. “El mayarah.”

 

            “Your majesty,” Kal-El replied, smiling up at Kara, who gestured for him to get to his feet. “You’ve grown much since the last time I saw you.”

 

            “As have you, and I’m told you’ve married,” Kara said, her eyes landing on the red-headed woman beside him.

 

            She bowed her head, curtsying slightly. “Your majesty.”

 

            “My wife – Lois of House Lane,” Kal said, smiling lovingly at her.

 

            “Oh, House Lane! I had the pleasure of meeting your sister upon her arrival with James. If you are anything like her, then you are a welcome addition to our family, and I am glad to see our house growing again. I was saddened to hear your parents were not spared the night the castle was attacked, cousin,” Kara said, a flicker of pain and sadness in her eyes.

 

            “It pained me deeply, yet we were both fortunate enough to be spared that night, and I would see our house grow even bigger,” Kal said, glancing at Lois with a smile, and Kara laughed.

 

            “As would I,” Kara agreed. She turned her attention to the other people gathered in the room, and Martha started talking to her adoptive son and daughter-in-law behind her. Lena was silent and stony-faced as she looked at the man stood beside the fireplace. “Lex?” Kara said, eyes widening in surprise. “I hadn’t expected you for a few more days yet.”

 

            The man sketched a quick bow, and smiled at Kara and Lena. “I made good time, your majesty. I left as soon as I received the raven, and the weather made for easy travelling on the road. Although I admit, a month on the road is a long time.”

 

            Giving him a warm smile, Kara turned to look at Lena, who hadn’t said a word to her brother yet. She didn’t look happy to see him, and Kara blinked in surprise before turning her attention back to Lex, whose eyes were on Lena as he smiled slightly. “Hello, sister.”

 

            Lena gave him a quick nod, and then turned to look at Kara, bowing her head slightly. “If you’ll excuse me, your majesty, I must go and find my husband. I had forgotten that I had said I’d join him for midday meal.”

 

            “Oh, right, of course,” Kara said, giving her a reassuring smile.

 

            “I have already spoken with Jack,” Lex interjected. “He has extended invitation to me to dine with you also, so I would accompany you, by your leave, your majesty.”

 

            Pressing her lips into a grim line, Lena cast her eyes away from her brother, but Kara still caught the look. “Perhaps I could join you. My sister, Alex, as well,” Kara suggested, and Lena gave her a grateful smile.

 

            “It would be an honour,” Lena said. Kara hugged Kal before she took her leave, promising to catch up with him once he had settled in properly – she had some things to discuss with him, or rather, a _person_ to discuss with him. Then, with her leading the way, she left the room with Lena and Lex following after her in tense silence - mostly on Lena's behalf.

 

\---

 

            The five of them sat around the table, with Kara at the head, and they all picked at the spread of meat, fruit and cheese while they talked. Kara’s gaze kept straying to Lena, who was as distant as ever as she silently brooded over her meal to Kara’s left. The only time she spoke more than a few words was when Kara directed a question towards her, or brought up something of their childhood. As they all laughed at the time they had gone riding and Kara had been unseated from her horse by a low hanging branch, Jack smiled at his wife, laying his hand on Lena’s for a moment.

 

            “It gladdens me to hear that you have cherished my wife’s friendship as she has yours. Lena spoke of you often in the years you were gone,” Jack said with a tender smile for his wife.

 

            “I’m intrigued to know what has been said,” Kara said, glowing with happiness at the thought of Lena telling others of their past together.

 

            Alex laughed, setting down her cup as she looked at Kara. “I fear your head will be too big for your crown if we must listen to the compliments laid upon you, sister.”

 

            Shooting Alex and amused look, Kara rolled her eyes. “I should think that living in a temple has humbled me, sister, _but_ a little flattery never did anyone any harm.” They all laughed, and Kara looked to Lena to see if she joined in on it, her smile growing when she saw Lena’s smile.

 

            “My dear sister was deeply saddened by the loss of her friend. I am glad to see the smile return to her face,” Lex said, but the smile soon vanished from Lena’s face as she glowered at her brother.

 

            “As am I,” Kara said, giving Lex a quick smile as she reached for her goblet. As drank her wine, she eyed him over the rim if her cup, taking in the shaved head, easy smile and casual arrogance of a lord with too much money and time on his hands. Kara wondered what he had done to make Lena so cold towards him, even though it seemed that he didn’t return the feeling.

 

            They finished their meal in relatively high spirits, and Kara tried her best to diffuse the tension between Lena and Lex by keeping conversation running with Alex and Jack. She found herself warming to Lena’s husband, and even though she hated to admit it, she could see the love in his eyes and hear it in his voice whenever he so much as looked or spoke of Lena. All that Kara would wish for her friend was love and happiness, and it seemed as if she had both of those things in her husband.

 

            After finishing their meal, the men were dismissed, and Kara led Alex and Lena up to an empty sitting room. They sat before the fire, and were joined by Lucy and Lois not long after, as they answered Kara’s summons. Kara hadn’t been around a lot of ladies while she’d grown up at court – it was mostly just Lena – and she’d been away for so long that half of the women that they gossiped about, she didn’t know. Alex was even more clueless, and the two sisters listened with interest as they listened to the latest news, and Kara got to know the wives of her cousin and friend. The hours slipped by as they sat comfortably on the sofa’s, eating sweet cakes and drinking mint tea while they talked.

 

\---

 

            With all the most prominent lords and ladies in the land, the feast went ahead that night, and Kara found herself sat on a large wooden throne at the centre of the high table in the great hall.  Fire pits were set in a line from the huge doors right up to the platform the high table sat on, and long tables and benches were arranged on either side, filled with a hundred guests. There was room for many more, and Kara knew that next week, after her coronation, the tables and benches would be full as more nobles flocked towards the castle.

 

            Astra sat at her right hand, and Alex to her left, but she spent most of the feast gazing at Lena, who sat close to the high table as a part of one of the most revered houses in the kingdom. She stole glances at Kara too, and they would both share a small, secret smile whenever they caught each other’s eye. If Kara had it her way, Lena would be sat at the high table with her, but she sat with her husband and brother, as was the custom, and Lillian sat at the high table as leader of the Science Guild.

 

            Kara was talking to Alex when a soldier approached the table and bowed to Kara, giving her an apologetic look. “Your majesty, there is someone at the gate who wishes to speak to you. They insist on an audience and will not be turned away until they see you.”

 

            “Very well,” Kara sighed, curious as to who the visitor was. “Bring them to me here, the feast is not yet over.” Bowing her head, the soldier turned and walked back down the length of the hall, and Kara waited patiently to see who was brought to her.

 

            It was almost ten minutes later when the soldier returned, and a cloaked and hooded figure followed behind her. Kara’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at the sight of the familiar ragged cloak, and she turned to give Alex a wide smile, holding out her goblet as a servant walked forward with a jug. To Kara’s surprise, Alex took the sharp knife she was eating with and plunged it into the back of the man’s hand, pinning it to the table while he let out a scream of pain and dropped the flagon of red wine.

 

            “I would think an assassin would take care to poison the wine _before_ slipping it into the goblet,” Alex sharply said, as everyone within the vicinity shot out of their seat and everyone else looked on as they took in the commotion. Streaky was on her feet, her hackles raised and her muzzle pulled back as she growled at the man. Kara lifted her goblet and sniffed the wine, breathing in the bitter smell that tainted the wine from the poison the man had slipped in only moments before.

 

            “Cerebin,” Kara grimaced, setting the goblet down and glancing at the man whimpering in pain. She was familiar with the poison, and she knew that even a single seed from the tree it came from could cause death, and a painful one at that. “Why?” He glared at her, letting out a screech of pain as Alex twisted the knife slightly in his hand. Kara lifted her hand slightly, stopping Alex from further twisting it as the man fell to his knees, fumbling for the knife so that he could free himself.

 

            “Your queen has asked you a question,” Maggie said, lowering her hood and approaching the table, before yanking the man’s head up by his dark hair. Alex’s mouth fell open and she looked at Maggie in confusion, wondering why she was here. The man's face contorted into a snarl, and he spat a few words at Kara in a different language.

 

            Kara and Alex blinked in surprise, recognizing the language as that of the Skrulls. He wouldn’t tell them anything further, but at least now they knew who their enemy was. All eyes were on Kara, and she cleared her throat slightly, before nodding to the soldiers. “Take him to the dungeons.”

 

            “Your majesty,” Astra interrupted her in a low voice. “You cannot let him live after this. We have harsh laws – you know this – and the people cannot think you a weak ruler. He must die for his treachery.”

 

            Hesitating slightly, Kara grit her teeth together. “Take him outside.”

 

            Alex yanked her knife out, and Kara pushed her throne back as she walked around the table, followed by her aunt, sister, and uncle, as well as half a dozen soldiers, including Kal and James. Walking down the centre of the hall, Kara blocked out the low buzzing of voices as everyone burst into murmured conversation, and continued on through the hallway. Outside, the man was roughly pushed to his knees, and Astra took a step forward, her hand already drawing her sword. Kara reached out, stopping her with a hand on her arm.

 

            “Your sword.”

 

            “Your majesty, I would-“ Astra started to protest.

 

            Kara ground her teeth together, wishing that she could let Astra continue, but her aunt had been right when she’d said that the people couldn’t be allowed to think Kara weak. “No, I must do it myself, as is our way. My father took the life of everyone he sentenced to die, and I would see myself afford them the same honour, I would see myself look them in the eye as I swing the sword.”

 

            “As you wish, your majesty,” Astra said, looking almost proud of Kara’s decision as she handed over her sword and stepped back.

 

            “Would you like to confess to your crime before you journey to Rao’s halls?” Kara asked the man, but he just raised his chin as he stared up at her in silence. With a grim look on her face, Kara nodded to Alex, who gently pushed the man’s head down, baring his neck. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Kara murmured a quick prayer to the war god, Mordo, asking for steady hands and a swift death for the man. Hefting the sword, Kara forcefully brought it down on the man’s neck, blood spraying over the front of her tunic as she severed it in one swing.

 

            The head thudded to the ground, closely followed by the rest of the body, and Kara avoided looking at Astra as she handed her back the bloody sword. “If you’ll excuse me.”

 

            “Kara,” Alex called after her, but Kara ignored her as she brushed past everyone, walking back inside and straight through to the other side of the castle. She could hear the distant sound of voices coming from the great hall as she passed by it, but she didn’t stop, not until she walked out the other side of the castle, reached the godswood and found herself picking her way over leaves and fallen branches. Streaky had followed her – ever the watchful guard – and as Kara sank down to the ground, the wolf nuzzled her face, and Kara buried her face in the soft fur. Letting out an uneven breath, Kara shook slightly, partly due to the cold, but mostly with adrenaline. It wasn’t the first time she’d killed someone, but she hated it all the same. The first time had been the man who killed her mother, and she still woke from nightmares about it sometimes, and there had been many more in the fighting pits in Xan City, yet each time it hurt Kara just as much as it had the first time. At least before when she had killed, it had been in self defence, but this time it had been an unarmed man on his knees, and it didn’t sit right with Kara. It wasn't a fair fight. She’d thought that she wouldn’t have to do it now that she was back home, but she knew that was naïve of her to think; she’d just been hoping for a small break before she had to put her guard back up and deal with enemies and traitors.

 

            Sat beneath an old oak tree, Kara took deep breaths, letting the cool air caress her face as she willed her hands to stop shaking. Blood dried on her hands, and she could feel it on her face too, but she just sat there in silence, listening to the shuffling breeze as it ruffled the leaves of the trees that held centuries worth of secrets. Seeking the comfort of the gods, and the quiet of the woods, she stayed outside until the moon had risen high in the sky. Eventually though, she had to go inside, and with a weary sigh, she climbed to her feet and made her way back to wards the castle, pausing on her way to pick some of the flowers she's pointed out earlier to Lena, and breathed in the scent of them to cover the metallic smell of blood clinging to her skin and clothes.

 

            Soldiers were posted outside her doors, and they opened them with small bow’s as Kara approached with her wolfhound in tow. As she walked inside she stopped, taking in the sight of Alex and Lena scrambling to get up from their seats before the fire, their eyes trained upon her. Sighing, Kara walked over to them and wordlessly handed Lena the flowers she’d picked, before pulling her bloody tunic over her head.

 

            Alex looked at her sister with concern as she sat back down. “Kara-“

 

            “I’m fine, Alex,” Kara wearily replied, rolling the sleeves of her shirt up as she stared down at her blood flecked hands. Walking over to the wash basin, Kara dipped her hands in the cold water, rubbing them clean before she washed her face. She was just drying her hands on a small cloth when the door opened and Eliza walked in.

 

            “Oh, thank the gods you’re back inside. You know I don’t like it when you wander off alone – especially after a night like this,” Eliza breathlessly said, rushing over to Kara to give her a hug.

 

            “I’m fine, mother,” Kara assured her, returning the hug before pulling back and giving her a tired smile. “Just cold and ready for bed is all.”

 

            “Come, warm yourself by the fire. We’ll take our leave shortly,” Lena said, patting the space beside her on the low sofa. Giving her a small nod, Kara walked over to the table, pouring herself and Eliza some wine, before walking over to the sofa and sitting down next to Lena.

 

            They were all silent for a few moments, quietly drinking their wine while they all looked at Kara, and Kara looked at the fire crackling in the hearth. Alex cleared her throat again, and Kara sighed as she looked up at her sister. “Kara, that man … he tried to kill you. It’s okay to be upset,” Alex gently told her.

 

            “I’m not upset,” Kara assured her, too quickly to be true.

 

            “You could’ve died, Kara,” Alex said, as if Kara didn’t understand what could’ve happened to her if she had drunk the poisoned wine.

 

            Shooting her sister a dark look, Kara drained her cup. “I know. We must all die though, sister. Everything we have in this world is just borrowed for a short time – a gift from the gods – and I would not trouble myself with actions of a dead man when I am still here.”

 

            Eliza hesitated slightly. “If the gods will you to pass to Rao's halls, then they will take you, but perhaps until then it would be wise to have a Queensguard, and a taster for your food and drinks.”

 

            Kara scoffed, frowning as she set her empty cup down. “I would not have someone else die for me.”

 

            They all sat there in grim silence for a moment, brooding over the events of the feast and thinking about how close Kara had been to dying. She blinked in surprise as she realized that she would have been dead if she hadn’t been sat next to Alex, for no one else had seen the man slipping poison into Kara’s wine. “Sister,” Kara quietly said, and Alex looked at her with slightly raised eyebrows. “Thank you. My life is indebted to you once more.”

 

            “It is no debt to save the life of one I love, but a thoughtless instinct, for I would rather the poison pass my own lips than see you pass over to Rao’s halls,” Alex murmured.

 

            “You have my gratitude anyway … for everything,” Kara told her, and Alex gave her a loving smile. Without another word, everyone stood up, for the hour was late and Kara was mentally drained as well as physically exhausted. Walking them to the door, Kara let her mother kiss her and Alex give her a tight hug.

 

            “For a moment there … I thought the man was from Daxam,” Alex hesitantly said, pausing in the doorway before she left. “The ravens will have reached them now, and I thought that perhaps your aunt was right, and they had tried to kill you for going back on your betrothal.”

 

            The muscles in Lena’s jaw worked at Alex’s words, and she hung back with the flowers Kara had given her in hand. Kara said goodnight to Alex, and then turned to look at Lena, who opened her mouth, but Kara beat her to it. “Lena, I would have words with you before you retire.”

 

            “I was of a similar mind,” Lena said, with a nervous smile. Nodding to Alex, who hesitated, Kara shut the door and walked back over to the fireside, sitting down and refilling their cups. “Your majesty – Kara – there is something I would have you know.”

 

            “You are welcome to speak your mind, but first I would ask a question of you,” Kara said, and Lena swallowed nervously as she nodded. “Are things well between you and your family?”

 

            Lena stiffened slightly, and her voice was tense when she answered. “I fear that they are not. My mother … we were never close, but she has been ever distant since I was married off to Jack, which I believe was her intent. I cannot blame her though; the shame she bears for raising her husband’s bastard has been a constant source of embarrassment for her. Lex … we were always so close, as I’m sure you remember, but in recent years, not so much. It was from his lips that I heard the truth of the woman who bore me into this world, and they were spoken out of spite while at court and heard by many. We were too young to understand when we were children, but the truth of my parentage was questioned while your parents were still yet alive, but it wasn't until my brother himself confirmed the suspicions that they were found to be true.”

 

            Kara listened in attentive silence, and her heart ached for the pain her friend had endured for nothing more than the circumstances surrounding her birth. Lena had never been quick to love or laugh as a child, but to see her so cold and distant around others was a source of great displeasure to Kara, even though Lena had warmed to her since her return. “I am sorry for your loss. Sometimes the betrayal of one who is still with us can hurt more than the loss of someone who parted with love. Now, the matter of which you wish to speak.”

 

            “It would seem that you already broached the topic, my friend,” Lena said with a grim smile. “I cannot ask you to keep quiet about that which you wish to publicly speak of, but there are none but my family that know of what I would share with you – not even Jack.”

 

            “What you share with me will be kept between us, and the gods,” Kara assured her, reaching out to place a hand on Lena’s.

 

            Giving her a grateful smile, Lena took a deep breath, and turned her eyes away from Kara’s face. “The woman who birthed me … she is a Daxamite,” Lena hesitantly confessed. “You spoke of your betrothal to the prince, and it gladdens me to hear you turn down such an arrangement, for he is said to be arrogant, cruel and narcissistic … as is his mother. You see, the thing is … we share a mother.”

 

            _“We?!”_ Kara exclaimed, her eyes widening in alarm.

 

            “Wha- no! Not _we_ we,” Lena scrambled to correct her, “the prince of Daxam and I, myself and Mon-El.”

 

            “Oh,” Kara said, letting out a sigh of relief as her heart rate slowed. “Oh, _oh_ , your mother is Queen Rhea?”

 

            Lena nodded, giving Kara a worried look as she waited to see how she would take the news. “It would seem that my father was unfaithful on a trip to Daxam, and, well, I was the product of it. The queen apparently faked my death and I was sent to Thorul, and my father bid my mother to raise me as her own daughter. I begrudgingly say it, but my mother is my mother, and I love her for all she has given me, and she is the only mother I have ever known. I know that we have no love for Daxam or its people, and I would assure you that I bear no love for this woman who shares my blood, or the place where I was born.”

 

            “I know all too well that there is more to family than blood, and I would not hold you accountable for anything that Daxam or its people have done,” Kara assured her. Lena sighed with relief, her shoulders sagging slightly as she fiddled with the flowers she still tightly clutched.

 

            “Thank you, your majesty,” Lena said, looking up meeting Kara’s gaze as she gave her a small smile. “I shall leave you to rest now.”

 

            Standing, Kara walked her over to the door, opening it and smiling softly at Lena. “Thank you, Lena, for telling me. I did not need a confirmation of your loyalty, but I am grateful to know that you trust me with the truth. This is twice now,” Kara said, and Lena returned the smile, bowing her head slightly before she took a step outside. “Oh, and Lena – sleep well.”

 

            Shutting the door behind her, Kara let out a weary sigh and stripped off her clothes as she wandered over to her bed and collapsed onto it, wriggling under the blankets and feeling the heavy weight of Streaky, who hopped onto the end of the bed and curled up on top of the blankets. Before sleep came for her, Kara muttered a quiet prayer to the gods, and turned her thoughts to Lena. She was the only person, besides Alex, who had agreed with her decision to call off the betrothal – the only one who had told her the truth about the man they wanted her to marry. Lena was the only one who cared enough to tell her she was making the right decision for herself, and the thought left a bitter taste in Kara’s mouth, for the right decision Kara would make for herself wasn’t possible. Not now, not _ever_. There was an aching feeling in Kara’s chest at the thought of her never being able to have what her heart truly desired, and Kara pummelled her pillow into shape with frustration before softly sighing. After the taxing day she’d had, she finally fell into a miserable sleep, dreaming of red trees that dripped blood, and a dark graveyard beneath the earth that rang with the sound of steel on steel and a cheering crowd.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have a plan at all (I'm just keysmashing whatever so what's new lmao) but I feel like this is probs gonna be painful for everyone who hates slowburn, angst and pining, so I apologise now bc that's 100% where it's going to end up going and I already hate myself for it

            Tired from a restless night’s sleep, Kara was picking at the breakfast that had been brought to her rooms when the door was opened and one of the soldiers stood to the side. “The ranger, your majesty.”

 

            Wiping her hands on a cloth, Kara turned slightly in her seat to watch as Maggie warily walked into the massive room, her eyes darting around nervously. The door shut behind her, and Maggie quickly knelt before Kara, murmuring her respects. Kara looked down at her with amusement and a little bit of unease. “You may rise.”

 

            Climbing to her feet, Maggie drew her dappled and travel-stained cloak tightly around herself, even though it wasn’t cold. Her eyes were trained on Kara, who looked vastly different from the first time they had met and Maggie had threatened to put an arrow through her throat. The first of her clothes had been tailored, and Kara wore a dark blue doublet that made her eyes look like the pale blue sky outside, and her leggings and boots were clearly of the finest make. A bath had done wonders for her too, and Kara’s revered golden hair curled halfway down her back. “You asked for me, your majesty.”

 

            “Yes, I didn’t have the chance to talk to you upon your arrival last night. I hadn’t expected you to be here at all, in fact,” Kara said, raising an eyebrow slightly.

 

            “Upon your leave from the Old Forest, I made back to the shadows of the trees to wander and track as I have always done … yet, there in the quiet valley, I heard nothing but the tender murmur of a nearby stream and the shuffling breeze, and I realized that I missed the sound of your sister’s voice and the loud footfalls of my companions,” Maggie admitted. “I knew you had made north, and I could possibly track you across the open plains, but if you found mounts during your journey I would not catch up, so I made for your end destination.”

 

            “You came back for Alex?” Kara asked, and Maggie shifted slightly before she nodded. “Then you do care for her?”

 

            Nodding again, Maggie looked at Kara almost defensively. “I do, your majesty. I would not be parted from her again, and I would ask that I be allowed to stay within the castle, as a-a servant or even a soldier.”

 

            “You declined my offer last time, saying that you belonged beneath the trees,” Kara said with amusement, holding up a hand as Maggie opened her mouth to protest, “so I should think you’d find it more comfortable in the godswood. I would have you teach my archers to become rangers. Take them to the woods, teach them to track, to stay invisible, to shoot as you do. I fear that if there was ever a war, they would find themselves useless unless they were on an open field.”

 

            Maggie visibly relaxed and a look of relief washed over her face. Bowing her head, she sank back to her knees before Kara, pressing a fist to her chest. “Thank you, your majesty.”

 

            Kara let out a quick laugh. “I would have my Captain of the Rangers stand before me. You will be needing new clothes, and new weapons if you desire it. Take whatever you please – a horse, some coin for your duties, anything you wish. May I ask where you slept last night?”

 

            “In the stables,” Maggie replied, and Kara’s eyes widened in surprise.

 

            “I’ll see you have proper quarters. If you have not yet eaten, then make your way to the kitchens and see yourself properly fed,” Kara told her, giving her a small smile. “Before that though, I would ask that you go and find my sister and tell her of your new position. I would see her happy this morning.”

 

            “Of course. Thank you, your majesty,” Maggie said, bowing her head again before she left. Kara picked up her cup of water and turned her attention back to her breakfast, tossing scraps to Streaky, who lay at her feet. After finishing her meal, Kara strapped a dagger to her belt before she left, her defenses up as she walked out of the room with her wolf at her heels. Servants and soldiers bowed as she walked past, and Kara inquired about the whereabouts of her sister as she passed Eliza in the halls, on her way to the stables to head towards the temple in the city. She told Kara that Alex was in the courtyard, and so Kara accompanied her mother outside, smiling as she saw Alex smiling with Maggie as they watched some of the archers at practice.

 

            “Sister, you don’t participate?” Kara said, her eyebrows raising slightly. “I would have thought you would have loved the opportunity to show off your skills.”

 

            Alex turned around at the sound of Kara’s voice, smiling as she watched her approach. “I didn’t think it fair to show up your fine soldiers. Neither did Maggie.”

 

            “I would see my ranger display her skills for all to see,” Kara said, giving Maggie a smile, and watching as the short woman bowed slightly before requesting the use of a soldier’s bow. Slinging the quiver of arrows over her shoulder, Maggie walked away from the targets, and Kara bit back a smile as she listened to the soldier’s murmur amongst themselves at the distance. She’d watched Maggie shoot a rabbit through the eye at a hundred paces, but they were unaware of how well skilled the rangers of the Scarlet Forest were.

 

            “You there,” Maggie called out to James, who had just walked out of the castle with the intent to train. “The ring you wear on your finger; I would borrow it a moment.”

 

            Shrugging, James took the ring off and sketched a quick bow to Kara as he passed by. Alex stopped him, taking the ring and giving him a smile as she walked to the middle of the courtyard and gave Maggie a quick nod. With the flick of her wrist, Alex threw the ring into the air, taking a step back as she watched it flip, glinting in the sunlight before it started to fall again. With practiced ease, Maggie drew an arrow, fitted it to the bow and shot it all within the span of a second, and everyone blinked in surprise at the quickness of the movement. If it hadn’t been for the thwack of the arrow embedding itself into the middle of the target, James’ golden ring dangling from its shaft, they wouldn’t have even known she’d moved.

 

            Bowing to Kara, Maggie handed the soldier back his bow with a smug smile on her face. “Was that satisfactory, your majesty?” Maggie asked, her eyebrows shooting up in amusement as she took her place beside Alex and crossed her arms over her chest as she watched the soldier’s take up their places before the targets again.

 

            “A very good show,” Kara assured her with a delighted laugh. “I believe any skills I demonstrated now would pale in comparison.”

 

            “Not at all, your majesty,” James said, giving her a wide smile. “I would like to see all that you have learnt while you were away.”

 

            Alex gave Kara a gentle shove forward, and Kara nervously took the bow and quiver offered to her, taking a closer stance before the target than Maggie had taken. Nocking an arrow, Kara tentatively pulled back on the string, feeling the strong muscles in her arm and shoulder working. Sighting down the shaft, Kara aimed at the target and loosed the arrow, laughing as it found its home in the middle of it. Everyone clapped, and Kara ducked her head in embarrassment, knowing that they were just being courteous to their queen.

 

            “Now, I would have us train,” Kara said, glancing at Alex. “Sister, if you would be so kind as to spar with me.”

 

            “Well someone has to have the guts to knock you on your ass,” Alex laughed, and all of the soldier’s mouths fell open with shock at the way Alex spoke to their queen, but Kara just let out a loud laugh.

 

            “My head will have no chance of getting big with you around to keep my feet firmly planted, sister,” Kara laughed as she took off her doublet and rolled the sleeves of her shirt up to her elbows. “I would see us train with spears.”

 

            Alex gave her a puzzled look. “Spears? Should we not train with swords and shields in the style of proper warriors?”

 

            Kara hesitated slightly, speaking in a low voice. “I would see us train with swords in secret, so that the style with which I fight will be unseen and no weaknesses found. I fear that there are more eyes here than I trust.”

 

            “Of course,” Alex quickly agreed, and Kara quickly gestured for the nearest foot soldier to hand over her spear, while Alex claimed her own. Finding themselves in an open space, the two girls faced off against each other, Alex twirling the spear in her hands while Kara kept a firm grip on her own. A spark of amusement appeared in Alex’s eyes and she lunged forward, swinging the spear around in a wide arc which Kara easily ducked. They both battered each other with the wooden shafts, tripping and shoving each other while they cursed and laughed, until eventually, Alex had Kara flat on her back with the iron tip of the spear pointed at her throat. Everyone watching shifted uncomfortably at the sight of their queen with a sharp blade to her throat, but Kara just let out a breathless laugh, and Alex lifted the spear before holding out a hand to help her sister to her feet.

 

            “An impressive display by both parties,” Lex said, clapping as he strode forward with a wide smile on his face. He bowed to Kara, and gave Alex a quick nod. “Perhaps we could spar some time, your majesty.”

 

            There was a snort of laughter behind Kara, and she turned to see Lena stood nearby, her arms folded and a smile that held no amusement on her face. “Please, brother, you’ve never been able to best me, and her majesty was always more gifted with a sword than I. Is it your desire to have our queen make you look a fool? Because I didn’t think you needed any help with that.”

 

            Lex’s mouth opened and closed as he tried to think of a retort, a slight blush creeping up his neck, and Kara’s eyes widened slightly, her mouth pressed together to hold back her smile as she tried to keep her face neutral. “Perhaps another time, Lord Luthor,” Kara told him, and Lex stiffly nodded. Turning to face Alex, Kara caught the look of satisfaction in Lena’s eye as her eyes flashed to her face for a second. “Sister, if you would be so kind as to join me for sparring.”

 

\---

 

            They fought until their arms were too leaden to lift their swords, and their clothes were soaked with sweat. Kara wielded the god sword, growing accustomed to the weight and balance of it in her hands, and she found it a fitting weapon for herself, and not just a decorative piece of metal to wear at her side. James had come with her, following her request to have him train them, and he had gaped at them as they swung their swords with obvious skill, and hefted the round shields they had borrowed from the armoury. Still, he had given them useful tips and instructions, better suited to the fighting style of soldier’s, as opposed to the vicious fighting pit style that had kept them alive.

           

            Eventually they’d been too tired to continue, and they thanked James before taking their leave. After dropping off her sword and fetching a clean shirt, Kara sought out the bathing rooms beneath the castle while Alex wandered off to find Maggie and practice some more. Pushing open the wooden door to her private bathing pool, Kara stripped off her clothes and jumped into the steaming water, splashing water everywhere as she submerged herself. She swam a few laps in the spacious pool, diving down to touch the rough stone floor and trying to find the source of the natural spring, before she scrubbed the sweat from her skin with perfumed soap.

 

            She was floating on the top of the water with her eyes closed when a hesitant knock disturbed her. The sound was distorted to her ears, which were underwater, and she didn’t move as she listened to the door open. “Forgive me, Kara,” Lena said, poking her head in.

 

            There was a lot of splashing as Kara was startled by Lena’s voice, and consequently bolted upright, forgetting that she was in water, and then sank below the water until only her eyes were visible above the water. Lena arched an eyebrow at Kara, looking almost concerned as Kara flushed bright red. Standing up a little more, Kara crossed her arms over her chest and cleared her throat. “Lena! Wh-what, uh, can I, um, do something for you?” Kara stammered, trying to collect herself.

 

            “Sorry to disturb you,” Lena apologized, letting herself into the room and moving closer to the pool. “My mother sent me to come and ask that you join the council for your coronation planning, if it pleases you to do so.”

 

            “Oh! Right, of course,” Kara said, giving her a nervous smile as she drifted over to the edge of the pool. “Um, would you be so kind as to, uh, pass me a towel please.”

 

            Lena quickly reached out and plucked one off the pile, holding it wide open and averting her eyes as Kara hauled herself out of the water and wrapped the towel around herself. “Thank you.”

 

            She squeezed the water out of the end of her hair, turning to brush past Lena and fetch her clothes, but was stopped by the gentle touch of Lena’s hand on her arm. “Your shoulder,” Lena gasped, and Kara looked up at her in surprise, taking in the look of shock and horror on Lena’s face.

 

            “Oh, yes, a snake to mark me as a slave of the woman who kept my sister and I prisoner’s in her fighting pits. It’s quite unsightly,” Kara said, turning her head and arching her back as she tried to catch a glimpse of the pink scar on her shoulder blade.

 

            “Is she dead?” Lena flatly asked, her face a stony mask that hid the anger raging around inside her.

 

            Kara gave her a small smile. “If we had stayed to kill her, I fear that we would be dead or still in the pits as we speak.”

 

            Frowning, Lena nodded, dropping her hand and turning away from Kara. “I’ll leave you to change.”

 

            Pulling on her clothes, Kara buckled her belt and was still running wet fingers through her hair when she walked out into the antechamber that connected all of the bathing rooms. Lena was sat on a low bench, scratching Streaky beneath her chin while she waited, and she quickly climbed to her feet as Kara walked out. Smiling slightly at Kara’s damp curls, Lena jerked her head towards the bench. “Sit. I shall braid your hair for you so that it’s less … _unruly._ ”

 

            Laughing, Kara obeyed, and she closed her eyes as Lena’s gentle fingers combed through her hair, pulling and maneuvering the locks of hair until it was all neatly plaited into place, and Lena pulled a small golden pin adorned with gilded flowers out of her own hair, winding Kara’s hair into a bun and pinning it securely in place. “All done.”

 

            “Thank you,” Kara smiled up at her, her hand instinctively reaching out to give Lena’s hand a quick squeeze. Inclining her head, Lena gave her a small smile in return, before pulling Kara to her feet. “Come, I would not like keep your mother waiting. I do not think myself a coward, but I should hate to see myself on her bad side.”

 

            “I see that you’ve grown wise in your years away,” Lena snorted.

 

            “Do you mean to say I wasn’t always wise?” Kara asked, raising her eyebrows as she cast Lena a look of amusement, making for the doors.

 

            Lena laughed, hesitating slightly. “I mean to cause no offence, because you have always been quick of mind with an aptitude for learning … _but_ , my Kara was always hotheaded and as stubborn as a mule.”

 

            “Well _your_ Kara is still here, I’ve just grown a little.”

 

            “Indeed,” Lena murmured, a flicker of something that looked like sadness and regret in her eyes.

 

\---

 

            “Things have come together remarkably well, your majesty, especially given the amount of time given to plan and prepare,” Cat assured Kara. “Your dress will be ready for a fitting tomorrow, leaving a spare day for necessary alterations. The troubadours and musicians have arrived this morning and have set up camp beyond the walls. Chefs have been hired to help with the feast.”

 

            “Soldiers have been called in from the garrisons to help double the city watch, as well as to man the walls,” Astra said.

 

            Kara nodded, glancing at the High Priestess. “And what of the Religious Guild?”

 

            “The temple has been cleansed and is awaiting the coronation ceremony,” Thara assured Kara.

 

            “You all have my thanks for your hard work – on this and in my absence,” Kara said, giving them all a warm smile. “I should see you properly rewarded. If there is anything you would ask of me, I will see it done if it’s within my power.”

 

            Lillian shifted slightly in her seat and Kara turned her gaze upon her. “Lady Luthor, there is something you would ask?”

 

            “I would, your majesty,” Lillian said, giving Kara a cool smile. “General In-Ve has made clear your intentions to have a Queensguard.”

 

            “Indeed, it’s true. I shall ask those I am considering when I greet the court after my coronation,” Kara explained.

 

            “I would ask that you consider my son as a potential candidate. It would bring honour to him and House Luthor if he was awarded such a position in your Queensguard.”

 

            Kara inclined her head. “Consider it done, Lady Luthor. If there are no other requests for the time being, we shall retire for the day.” Scraping her chair back, Kara stood and swept from the room with the intent of holding another meeting of sorts.

 

            “Your majesty!” Kara turned at the sound of Winn calling after her, and she stopped, waiting for him to catch up.

 

            “Winn, you’re one of my oldest friends, you may call me by my name, you know,” Kara said, giving him a fond smile.

 

            He returned the smile, fiddling nervously with his hands. “I think titles are more appropriate for what I’d ask of you now.” As Kara gestured for him to keep talking as she carried on walking, her fell into step beside her. “Well, y-you see, there is a thing I would ask of you, not that you _have_ to agree, but I would _like_ you to … it’s just, well, I, um, I would also ask to be a part of your Queensguard, if you would permit it. I-I might not be as well suited to swinging a sword as James is, or Lex, but I would defend you with my life, and I’m not _that_ bad – well, I don’t _think_ that I am, but maybe that’s just wishful thinking.”

 

            Kara laid a gentle hand on his arm to stop his babbling. “Winn, you need not plead your case with me. I would gladly have your sword guarding me.”

 

            “You would? I mean, thank you,” he said, bowing. Kara laughed, looping her arm through his and letting him escort her down the hallway.

 

            “You must not tell anyone of this until I announce it after my coronation though,” Kara sternly told him. “Now come along, there is somewhere we must be.”

 

\---

 

            It took almost an hour for the servants to find and fetch all of Kara’s guests, and she occupied herself by talking to Winn and reacquainting herself with her old friend – which was what her plan was. He was in the middle of excitedly describing his designs for crossbows that could be reloaded faster when Alex showed up with Maggie; the first to answer the summons. They were soon followed by Lena and Jack, and then James and Lucy. The last to arrive was Kal-El and Lois, and when they did, Kara waited until they had both found goblets of wine in their hands, and then lifted her own.

 

            “My friends, I would have us all enjoy ourselves tonight. I have been gone far too long, and I would see us together as we used to be when we were children – with some welcome additions of course. Now that everyone is present at court, tonight, we shall drink and have fun as we used to. Hopefully with a little less trouble than we used to cause,” Kara said, smiling as she tipped her cup towards them all and they laughed. “To my friends.”

 

            She was staring right at Lena, who sat beside her, as she spoke the last part, and she stared back at Kara as everyone echoed the sentiment. So quiet that Kara wasn’t even sure if she heard it correctly, Lena gently tapped her goblet against Kara’s and her voice was a low murmur as she spoke. “To my Kara.”


	11. Chapter 11

            There was a slight chill in the air on the day of Kara’s coronation, but as she watched the sun start to rise, the orange and pinks gave way to a brilliant blue, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. It would be a perfect day.

 

            It was still early, but the castle was bustling with activity as Kara slipped out of her room, nodding to the soldier’s before she made her way downstairs to bathe. The hot water was soothing, and Kara found herself relaxing and her muscles unwinding as she sat in the pool. Years of waiting had led up to this day, and now that it had finally arrived, Kara was nervous – not just about the ceremony, but about having to make decisions as queen. Taking her time, Kara stayed in the pool until her stomach started rumbling and she was tempted out of the water by the thought of food.

 

            Making her way to the kitchens, Kara blinked in surprise at the sight of dozens of chefs and serving boys and scullery maids rushing around the room. Every surface was piled high with heaped plates of vegetables, and the air was filled with the smell of roasting meats being turned on spits over huge fire pits and freshly made bread being baked. She was ushered out of the kitchen before she even managed to step inside, with the castle’s head cook promising to have a servant run breakfast up for her so she wouldn’t get in their way.

 

            Kara found herself back at her room instead, walking through the doors as the soldier’s pushed them open, and her eyebrows shot up in surprise at the number of people waiting for her and she froze. Alex, Eliza, Astra and Lena were all there, as well as a few servants ready to wait upon Kara if she required it. Smiling at her family, Kara walked over to the table and sat down, eyeing Lena in her green gown with some approval as the colour brought out the green of her eyes. “Good morning.”

 

            “Indeed it is,” Astra said, smiling at her niece, “a fine day for such a ceremony.”

 

            “Is everything in order?” Kara asked, feeling nervous again at the thought of something going wrong.

 

            Eliza walked over to her and gently brushed Kara’s hair back out of her face. “Everything will be perfect. Now, we must get you ready.”

 

            Seated before her vanity, Kara watched her reflection in the polished, slightly warped metal while her servants rubbed scented oils and lotions into her skin. As promised, breakfast was brought to her, and she feasted on thick, fresh bread with fruits and nuts baked into it and drank herbal tea to calm her down, not daring to try and stomach anything else. Fidgeting, Kara patiently sat still while her curls were loosing braided and pinned, and tiny white flowers were woven in. Eventually, all that was left was the dress. Stood in her underclothes, Kara was carefully helped into deep blue gown that was cinched it at the wrists, and then a white over gown that was slashed up the middle and from wrist to elbow to expose the blue. Barely visible upon her chest was the sigil of House El, finely stitched in white thread, and the sleeves and skirts of her dress were similarly stitched with patterns of flowers native to Krypton. It was all simply cut, yet the detail and quality of it betrayed the cost of such a dress.

 

            “All done,” Alex said with a smile as she buckled an elaborately decorated leather belt around Kara’s waist. A scabbard had been custom made for the god sword, and all had agreed that Kara should wear it to the coronation ceremony as a display of her undisputed claim to her throne. None would oppose her, not when they gods themselves had deemed her worthy.

 

            Standing, Kara gave her sister a nervous smile, before she turned to look at everyone else. Murmuring her thanks to the servants, they bowed and left quickly, and Kara knew that they would make their way towards the city as quickly as possible so that they could try and jostle the crowd for a good position along the path Kara would take towards the temple of the gods. As Kara looked at Lena, the other girl’s lips twitched into a small smile. “You are a vision of Lorra herself, Your Majesty.”

 

            Kara fought back a blush at Lena’s words, and her hands nervously fluttered around the skirts of her dress. “Oh, well I, um, thank you, it’s, uh, it’s th-the dress – it’s beautiful.”

 

            “Indeed, it is. As are you, my daughter,” Eliza agreed, reaching out to cup Kara’s face in her hands. “You are as lovely as your mother was, but with all the radiance of the sun. Rao has truly blessed you.”

 

            “Yes,” Astra said, voice a little strained and cool. “We should be leaving soon, Your Majesty. The crowning must take place at midday and it will be a slow walk towards the temple.”

 

            Kara grumbled, shooting Alex a dark look as she laughed. “I’m sure you wouldn’t find it amusing if you had to walk there barefoot, sister.”

 

            “I’m sure I wouldn’t,” Alex laughed. “But luckily for me, I can just encourage you from the back of my horse.”

 

            “You shouldn’t tease your queen on the day of her coronation,” Eliza chided Alex, who rolled her eyes. Lena bit back a smile as the family squabbled, and Astra raised her eyebrows slightly, giving Kara an expectant look.

 

            Smiling nervously, Kara picked up the scabbard and attached the sword to her belt, before she hitched the skirts of her dress up and took a deep breath. “I’m ready, aunt.”

 

            With Kara leading the way, they walked downstairs and out into the courtyard where a host of nobles stood around waiting to follow after Kara. As she walked out of the castle, they all knelt, and Kara bid them rise, waiting as horses were brought forward for the rest of her party. She stuck her tongue out at Alex, who swung herself up into the saddle, and her sister laughed, leaning down to poke Kara, who batted her hand away. “Don’t worry, sister, I’ll be here to prod you along.”

 

            “By the gods, you’re a thorn in my side,” Kara sighed, smiling affectionately up at Alex, while the horse shifted, eager to get going. Kara’s horse for the return trip was already saddled, with a blanket of fresh red, yellow and blue flowers woven together and draped over the horse’s flank. From the tip of every spear held by the soldier’s fluttered a small flag in the same colours, bearing the sigil of the House of El, and the entire courtyard was decked in the colours too.

 

            “By your leave, Your Majesty,” Astra said, giving Kara an encouraging smile. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kara nodded, and walked through the gathered crowd of mounted nobles and soldier’s. As everyone got into order behind her, based on their closeness to the crown, with a few exceptions, Kara set off through the main gate, the wooden planks of the drawbridge cold beneath her feet. It was a straight flagstone road from the gate of the castle to the city, and Kara slowly made her way down it, followed by the progression of lords and ladies and the gentle clopping of the horses’ hooves on the stone. There were many of the townspeople lining the road, and as they approached the city the crowd grew thicker, and they cheered and waved as Kara passed them by, held back by soldier’s lining the path. She was careful to keep her shoulders thrown back and her chin up, giving herself a regal appearance as she made the walk.

 

            Upon reaching the white stone steps of the temple, everyone dismounted and servants rushed forward to lead the horses away, and quickly arranged themselves around the entrance to the temple. The acolytes of the gods were all already gathered outside the temple, leaving only the High Priestess stood on the top step, waiting patiently as Kara walked up the steps to meet her.

 

            Meeting Kara’s gaze behind the holes in her mask, Thara bowed her head. “Your Majesty. Shall we begin?”

 

            “Indeed, High Priestess,” Kara said, giving her a nervous smile.

 

            Together they walked over to the pool that held the red tree of Rao, and Kara sank to her knees before it. Shifting so that she could swing her legs around and put her feet in the water, Kara washed the dirt of the road from her feet. It had always been a custom for the ruling monarch’s coronation that they walk barefoot to the ceremony out of reverence and respect for the land they were to rule over, and now in the house of the gods, Kara washed away the accumulated dirt out respect and reverence for the sacred place of worship. She washed her hands too, and then returned to her kneeling position as Thara took on her duties as High Priestess and started muttering a long prayer.

 

            On and on she spoke, reciting the rites and laws, the history of the gods and their divine power that they used to favour Kara’s reign. As her prayers came to an end, she reached down and let her fingers dip into the cool water for a moment, before tilting Kara’s bowed head up and letting a few drops fall onto the middle of her forehead. The blessing of the gods complete, Kara pressed a kiss to her fingers before clenching her hand into a fist over her heart and bowing towards the tree in the middle of the pond. It was almost midday, and the sun turned the tree to fire, reflecting off the still pool of water. It was time for the crowning.

 

            Climbing to her feet, Kara walked beside Thara, over to the top step of the temple, in the middle of the main archway, and looked out at the sea of faces spread before her. She kept her face neutral, but her stomach tied itself into knots as she took in the sight before her, and Kara swallowed the lump in her throat.

 

            “In the light of the gods and men, I ask if there is any who would deny Kara Zor-El her claim to the throne of Kandor?” Thara asked, her voice ringing out loud and clear. The crowd was silent, and Kara let out a slow breath as no one spoke a word of protest. She had half expected angry protestors, resentful towards her for her shirking her duties for so long.

 

            “Draw your sword and kneel,” Thara ordered her when no protests were forthcoming, and Kara drew the god sword for everyone present to see, before turning to face Thara and planting the point of the sword on the ground and kneeling. She kept a tight two-handed grip on the hilt of the sword as she bowed her head. Kara knew the words to speak, and she listened as Thara began the vows.

 

            “With this sword do you swear to rule with an iron first, and protect all those beneath your rule?”

 

            “I do so swear.”

 

            Next, a thick red cloak was brought forward, and the High Priestess took it off the acolyte and draped it around Kara’s shoulders. It had a sandy coloured wolf’s fur mantle that weighed heavily on Kara’s shoulders, and a thick golden chain held both sides together as it settled on Kara’s shoulders. Engraved in the metal disks that pinned each end of the chain to the cloak was the house sigil again, and Kara dimly acknowledged the fact that this was the cloak that her father had worn before her.

 

            “With this cloak do you swear to bear the burdens of your people, and to bear the laws of this land?”

 

            “I do so swear.”

 

            Next came the crown, brought forward on a velvet pillow and presented to Thara. It was simply made, yet still beautiful – as were all Kryptonian things – and the gold crown was nothing more than a thick band that slightly peaked at the front and was engraved was swirling patterns. The High Priestess hesitated this time before putting the crown on Kara’s head.

 

            “With this crown do you swear to rule with wisdom and honour, and bear the responsibility of the gods’ divine gift of your righteousness to rule?”

 

            “I do so swear, in the sight of the gods and men,” Kara vowed, feeling the weight of the crown as it nestled down on her curls as Thara set it down on her head.

 

            “Then rise, Queen Kara Zor-El, the first of your name,” the High Priestess said, and Kara used the sword to push herself to her feet, turning to face the crowd. “I present your undoubted queen.” As one, everyone present sank to their knees, bowing their heads in respect and reverence for Kara, who stood still, feeling the weight of the crown and cloak as she looked out across the sea of bent heads. “All hail the queen,” Thara called out from her kneeling position next to Kara.

 

            The answering response thundered around Kara, and she blinked in surprise as she shook slightly with nerves. Sheathing her sword, Kara walked down the steps, and the white stallion was brought forward for her, and she quickly hauled herself up into the saddle. Her cloak spread out behind her, over the flower covered flank of the horse, and she watched as everyone rose to their feet. In the midst of the overwhelming cheers and cries that thundered around her, Kara found Alex’s face, and then Lena’s and Eliza’s and Astra’s. They all smiled proudly at her, and her face broke out into an answering smile. Turning her horse, she nudged it forward, and slowly started making her way back to the castle, leaving everyone else to find their horses and scrambled after her.

 

            As she trotted along the path she had taken down to the city, her people threw flowers before her, carpeting the cobblestones street beneath the horse’s hooves, and Kara smiled and nodded to them. A little girl managed to snake past a soldier, running up to the horse and holding a red rose up to Kara, who smiled and leant down to gently pluck it from the girl’s fingers, keeping it held tightly in her hand.

 

            The journey back to the castle was much quicker, and upon her return, Kara dismounted and walked inside and disappeared into an antechamber.

 

\---

 

            It was almost an hour before everyone important enough to warrant a place in the throne room and at the feast made it back to the castle. Kara was left alone in the antechamber, nervously pacing back and forth while she listened to the distant sounds of voices as her guests made their way to the throne room. She hadn’t been in the throne room upon her return – hadn’t seen the seat she would sit herself upon in a few short minutes – and she was nervous about greeting everyone from her throne.

 

            The sound of the door opening behind her caught Kara’s attention, and she whirled around, her face breaking into a nervous smile when she saw a soldier stood there. Bowing her head, the soldier gave her a wide smile. “Your Majesty, they’re ready for you.”

 

            Taking a deep breath, Kara followed after the soldier, who stood off to the side as Kara waited outside the closed doors. Giving the woman a nod, Kara looked straight ahead as the doors were pulled open, revealing the throne room filled with people looking at her. Keeping her chin up, Kara focused her gaze on the massive throne on the raised dais at the far end of the room. It was a huge lump of grey stone at the bottom where the actual seat was carved, but the top of it was uncut topaz from where the hunk of rock had been mined straight out of the mines and dragged to the castle. The rough previous jewel gleamed yellow in the light that streamed in from the high windows behind it, bathing the room in soft golden light, and Kara walked down the plush red carpet leading up to it. As she reached the throne she looked down at the uncomfortable rock, taking in the house sigil carved into the back of the rock, and the hard cold seat, unadorned by even a thing pillow. Turning around, Kara swished her cloak around and seated herself on her throne, watching as everyone knelt.

 

            “Rise,” Kara commanded, trying to keep her voice steady as she gave the order. Everyone climbed to their feet, and Kara gestured for Astra to come forward with Non. They knelt before her, taking Kara’s hand and kissing the ring on her index finger in a sign of fealty. “Astra In-Ze, you have served me well in my absence. I would see you serve me now as my advisor in all matters, as my right hand.”

 

            Astra voiced her gratitude, giving Kara a smile as she stood and stood off to Kara’s right while she watched her husband climb down the steps and retake his place in the crowd. Next, Kara waved Alex forward, causing a murmur to go through the crowd, as by the custom, Kal-El and Lois should’ve been next due to her cousin’s blood relation. Kara would’ve called Alex forward first if she hadn’t wanted to cause offense to her aunt, but she would see that her sister be shown the respect she deserved.

 

            When Alex knelt before her, kissing the ring, and a moment later Kara stood, sending another murmur running through the assembled crowd. “Rise.” Alex climbed to her feet, keeping her head bowed as Kara took a step towards her. “I would embrace you as my sister, for it is true in my eyes and in the gods’, as they brought us together in their place of worship. We do not share blood, but we share a deeper bond than blood could ever bring us. There are those who would say I am unlucky to have lost my family, but I would say it is them who are unlucky, for they were not blessed to have been given you as a sister and to find a new family. I would acknowledge you as a member of my house and have my sister stand by my side.” Wrapping her arms around Alex, she gave her a quick hug, kissing her on the cheek before pulling back and giving her a wide smile.

 

            Alex walked to the left of the throne, giving Astra a quick nod, before turning her attention back to Kara, who was still standing. “Mother, I would see you approach next.”

 

            Every word that Kara said seemed to send a rippled of surprise through the crowd, and as Eliza approached, kneeling and kissing Kara’s ring before she was ordered to stand, everyone was murmuring once more. “As with my sister, we share no blood, but you have shown me a mother’s love and I would acknowledge you as such. I know that my mother resides in Rao’s halls, but it brings me great joy and pride to call you mother also.”

 

            She reseated herself after that, and didn’t rise for anyone else, even if she wanted to for some, but she wouldn’t be seen showing so much favouritism so publically, even if it was already known who held her favour. On and on it went, with endless people approaching her and swearing their fealty as they knelt before her. Eventually, as the last couple of guests were acknowledged, Kara cleared her throat.

 

            “I would ask that Lord Kal-El, Lord Luthor, Lord Olsen, Lord Schott, and Lord Spheer come forth,” Kara said, and everyone muttered amongst themselves as each of the men came forward. “I would ask that the five of you be members of my Queensguard, to protect and defend me with your lives and to serve and obey my every command.”

 

            The five of them knelt before her, some in surprise and others with proud smiles, for they already knew what was coming, and all five of them agreed, thanking her for the honour she had shown them. After acknowledging a few others that she awarded, giving them titles or positions at court, Kara climbed to her feet and proclaimed that it was time for the feast.

 

            With a delighted smile, Kara put one hand on her hilt and descended the dais, making her way down the path that opened up before her, and out of the throne room. She led the procession into the great hall, and took her seat upon the throne behind the high table, watching as everyone rushed to their seats. The tables were piled high with every kind of food imaginable, and Kara waited for everyone’s goblets to be filled with wine before she lifted it and toasted the gods, throwing an offering into the fire pit before her, while everyone else followed suit.

 

            Serving herself, Kara piled her plate high with different cuts of meat and vegetables, smiling at Lena as her eyes darted over to where she sitting and saw that Lena was staring right back at her. “Kara, are you listening to me?” Alex asked, sounding amused.

 

            “Hm? What?” Kara said, shaking herself out of her stare as she turned to Alex expectantly.

 

            “I said I’m very proud of you, sister.”

 

            Kara gave her a loving smile. “Thank you. I’m rather relieved now that it’s over with, I was quite nervous.”

 

            “You don’t say,” Alex snorted, and Astra let out a quick laugh.

 

            “You acquitted yourself well, niece,” Astra said, lifting her cup and silently toasting Kara before drinking. Nodding her thanks, Kara smiled as she speared a potato on her fork, her eyes flickering back towards Lena as she ate. A well aimed kick to her shins made Kara jump, and she scowled at Alex, who apologized with a slight smile.

 

            After that, Kara was sure to keep her eyes wandering, and to make conversation with all those who sat along the high table with her, smiling and laughing along with everyone else. They spent hours sat in the hall, and troubadours, musicians and storytellers came in to entertain them while they ate and drank. Eventually the plates were mostly cleared, and Kara stood, waiting as everyone climbed to their feet and looked at her expectantly. With a wide smile, she proclaimed that it was time for them to return to to the throne room for dancing and more entertainment.

 

            Long tables had been set up in the throne room, bearing platters of sweet cakes and pastries and an overwhelming amount of ale, wine and ciders. Settling herself back down on her throne, Kara watched as everyone filed into the large room, and as the last stragglers came in, she gestured for the musicians to start up the music.

 

            Approaching the throne, Kal bowed to Kara, speaking over the sound of pipes and strings. “Your Majesty, I would ask for the honour of a dance.”

 

            Kara laughed, climbing to her feet and unbuckling her sword. “I would be delighted, cousin.”

 

            Escorting her to the middle of the room, where a space had opened up for them, they began to dance, spinning in circles and laughing. Kara had loved the feasts that her parent’s used to throw, and she had missed being able to dance and watch the entertainers. She was aware of others joining them, and after the first song came to an end, she dropped Kal’s hands and curtsied to him while he bowed. Leaving him to take up with Lois, Kara was quickly asked a dance by Winn, and on and on it went, until she was sure she had danced with half of the men and women in the room.

 

            Excusing herself from the dancing, Kara found Alex by a table of berry tarts, making her way through one as she tried to pretend that her eyes weren’t flashing to Maggie’s at every chance they got. Plucking the tart out of her sister’s hands, Kara ignored Alex’s complaints and gave her a nudge in the ribs. “She’ll not dance with you if you don’t ask her, sister.”

 

            “I don’t know what you speak of,” Alex feigned innocence as she fiddled with the skirts of her dress. Kara rolled her eyes, giving her a gentle push in Maggie’s direction.

 

            “Go. Enjoy yourself,” Kara told her. “And mind you don’t step on her feet. I should’ve given you court dancing lessons while I had the chance.”

 

            Alex scoffed, waving her hand towards the couples tracing circles around the room. “court dancing? The dancing of us common people is _far_ better than this shuffling around.”

 

            “Musicians!” Kara called, and they quickly cut off mid-song, causing the dancers to stop and all eyes to look upon her. “Perhaps a more … _folkish_ tune.” At the sound of a song that the two sisters had heard in many taverns and alehouses on their travels, their faces split into a wide smile.

 

            Giving Alex another push towards Maggie, Kara searched the faces before her until her eyes locked onto a pair of amused green eyes. Walking forwards, Kara let her cloak trail out behind her and smiled nervously. “Lady Spheer, perhaps you would indulge me in a dance?”

 

            Lena’s eyes widened slightly, and she hesitated before bowing her head and smiling at Kara. “Of course, Your Majesty.” Kara smiled and walked to the middle of the room, and the two girls curtsied to each other, while Alex and Maggie did the same nearby. “I’m afraid I don’t know this one,” Lena murmured as Kara took a step towards her.

 

            “I should think not,” Kara laughed, taking a step forward, “it’s a dance picked up in taverns and alehouses that the common people favour, and hardly proper for a Lady. It isn’t too hard to follow though.”

 

            Lena laughed, raising her eyebrows as Kara reached out a hand, and Lena mirrored her. They barely touched, their fingertips and palms gently pressed together, and Kara picked up the skirts of her dress if her other hand, watching as Lena did the same. Smiling, Kara stepped around Lena, propelling her around with her so that they were turning in circles, and then she dropped her skirts and took both of Lena’s hands in her own, spinning them around like children. As the song came to a close, Kara laughed as she dropped Lena’s hands, curtsying to her, whose eyes held a spark of amusement as she returned the curtsy.

 

            There was polite applause and laughter from everyone assembled, and Kara saw the slightly disapproving look on Lillian’s face. “I don’t think your mother approves of you skipping around in circles like a child,” Kara murmured to Lena, who rolled her eyes as she smiled.

 

            “My mother doesn’t approve of anything,” Lena snorted.

 

            Walking away from where the other guests now stood dancing, Kara made her way to one of the tables piled high with food, smiling as she saw the sugared dried fruits that she’d requested, even though it wasn’t an actual dish. Kara’s smile widened as she saw Lena’s eyes light up slightly at the sight of them, plucking a sugar coated apricot from the platter and popping it in her mouth. “They are still your favourites then?”

 

            Lena smiled as she chewed her bite. “You remembered?”

           

            “Of course I did,” Kara said, “how many hours did we spend making the boys try and steal them for us?”

 

            “I feared that their slow hands would be forever bruised by the cook’s quick slaps,” Lena laughed, “it is good fortune that they were born to such noble families, or I fear they would’ve starved on the streets if left to steal their own supper. They didn’t quite manage to keep up with our quick fingers.”

 

            “A skill that served me well on my travels,” Kara told her with a mischievous smile.

 

            Alex approached, raising her eyebrows as she perused the selection of sweets spread out before her. “Only until an ill-timed stolen bird ruined it for us, sister.”

 

            Kara laughed, shrugging helplessly as she drank her wine. “It was a rabbit, dear sister, and I’m sure it would’ve been delicious if we’d had the chance to cook it.”

 

            They all laughed and were interrupted Jack as he approached, dipping his head respectfully at Kara before he turned to Lena. “I would ask that you favour me with a dance, my love.”

 

            “Of course, husband,” Lena said, giving him a small smile. She dusted the sugar off her fingertips and nodded at Kara, before she was swept away on Jack’s arm. Kara picked up a sugared fruit, popping it in her mouth as she watched Jack hold Lena close, lovingly smiling at her as he led her around in slow-stepped dance. A flicker of sadness welled up inside Kara as she watched them dance, but she dismissed it and turned her attention to Lucy, who approached with a friendly smile on her face.

 

\---

 

            It was after midnight when Kara found herself stumbling slightly into her room. Lex had begged the honour of being the first of her newly assembled Queensguard to take the first watch, and she bid him goodnight as he took up a post outside her door. Shutting her door, Kara took the crown off and then shrugged out of her cloak, feeling so light that she could almost imagine that she was floating. Struggling out of her dress, Kara draped the layers over the back of a chair and started pulling the pins and flowers out of her hair, running her fingers through her curls. With a sigh, Kara flopped down onto the furs of her bed, letting out a tired groan. It had been a long day – a good one, but long – and she was tired. Feeling the familiar weight of Streaky jumping up onto the bed, Kara smiled, wriggling under the blankets and fluffing up her pillow as she nestled her face into it. Sleep was slow to come, and Kara restlessly tossed as she tried to settle down. Her mind was weighed down with heavy thoughts though, and she felt frustrated but couldn’t do anything to stop the feeling. She was still wide awake when the door quietly slipped open.

 

            Not wanting to be disturbed, Kara stayed still, pretending that she was already asleep, but the slow footsteps continued to near her. Something felt wrong. Slowly, Kara slipped her hand under her pillow, gripping the hilt of the dagger she slept with, and she closed her eyes, waiting for the person to announce themselves of make a move. She was still feigning sleep when the cold, sharp edge of a blade pressed to her throat, and in a flash she was throwing herself at the person, knocking them to the ground, while Streaky lunged for them, teeth pulled back in a snarl.

 

            Kara froze for a moment, blinking in surprise as she looked down at Lex’s face. Gone was the charming smile and in its place a cruel sneer, and he quickly stabbed at Kara, who managed to block his arm and knock the blade out of his hand. She took a heavy blow to the face, and in return, Streaky latched onto Lex’s arm, growling as she shook it. Pressing her own dagger against his throat, Kara pulled him up with her. “Walk,” she coldly commanded, keeping the blade to his throat while she walked him to the door. Streaky prowled protectively beside her, her hackles raised as the wolf stared at Lex. “Open the door.”

 

            His hand on the door handle, Lex hesitated, before throwing the door open and stumbling back into Kara. She fell to the floor, with him on top of her, and his hands wound around her throat as his face took on a grim look. Choking, Kara fumbled with her dagger, trying to stop him in his arm, even though the chain mail he wore stopped the tip of the blade. Lex started screaming as the wolf launched herself at his shaved head, mouth wide open as a snarl tore from her throat. Wasting no time, Kara quickly got in a few punches, before she climbed to her feet, but was tackled by Lex as he lunged for her legs. Catching herself on a chair, Kara went down along with it, and Lex scrambled towards her, grunting as Kara kicked him in the ribs. They scuffled on the floor for a few minutes, before Kara managed to get the dagger back to his throat, and breathing hard, climbed to her feet and dragged Lex out into the hallway.

 

            The door lay open, and with the noise they had made, people started opening their doors and poking their heads out. First was Alex, who was half dress and half asleep with her sword in hand. Kara kicked Lex’s knees out from under him, yanking his head up by the dangerously sharp edge of the blade, and he collapsed to the ground before Alex, who levelled her sword at him. Lillian, Astra, Non, Lena and James were soon out in the hallway too, with Jack and Lucy hesitating in the doorway as they watched the commotion. With four swords and a dagger trained on him, Lex started to laugh, his teeth stained red with blood from his split lip.

 

            “What is the meaning of this?” Lillian demanded, and Kara shot her a sharp look.

 

            “Your son had a knife pressed to my throat,” Kara replied, her voice shaking slightly.

 

            Frowning, Lillian stumbled back a step. “Wha- no, Alexander, tell me this isn’t true.”

 

            “You would call the queen a liar?” Alex hotly said, her eyes blazing with anger as she turned her gaze away from Lex to stare at Lillian.

 

            Bowing her head apologetically, Lillian backtracked. “Of course not, I only mean to ask if there was a misunderstanding. My son would not do this.”

 

            “Oh, but mother, I did,” Lex laughed.

 

            “You bastard. I’ll kill you for this,” Lena spat, pulling a dagger from Non’s belt and raising it as she stormed towards Lex. Kara intercepted her, her hands firmly gripping Lena’s wrists and stopping her in her tracks. There was an anger in Lena’s eyes that Kara had never seen before, but it faltered as she looked Kara in the eye and some of it faded slightly.

 

            “No, sister. You would be the bastard in our family,” Lex laughed. The resounding slap was loud and startled everyone present, including Kara who had struck out without a second thought as her anger flared up. Everyone was silent, and Kara gently took the dagger out of Lena’s hand, handing it back to her uncle who nodded and returned it to his sheath.

 

             Turning to face Lex, Kara felt a flicker of sadness and regret at what had happened. “Why?” she quietly asked. “We used to be friends.”

 

            Lex swallowed thickly, and he almost looked ashamed and scared. “I had my orders.”

 

            “Orders?” Astra brusquely asked, taking a step forward and digging the point of her sword into the chainmail covering Lex’s heart. “Orders from whom? Those who escaped after slaughtering the king and queen? New enemies? Speak.”

 

            “There are those within the Daxamite court who are … _displeased_ by the rejection of a marriage between the prince and the queen,” Lex said, glancing down the length of the sword. “They would see the slight made right.”

 

            Clenching her jaw, Kara stared down at Lex as she frowned. “With my life? There was a raven only a few days ago from King Lar Gand assuring me of our continued alliance. Why would he speak of such friendship if he only aimed to stab me in the back?”

 

            “The king is weak,” Lex hissed through clenched teeth. “He would offer friendship when nothing but insult has been offered. It is not him who would have you killed, but others.” His eyes slid to Lena for a second and Kara knew he was talking about Rhea. If the rumours were true, then she would not take kindly to having her son be rejected.

 

            Everyone looked at each other uneasily at the thought of Rhea’s reach extending all the way to the very insides of the castle, and Kara knew that this wouldn’t be the last of their attempts to get revenge. Perhaps she had been too hasty with rejecting the betrothal. “Take him to the dungeons,” Kara murmured to her aunt and uncle, before turning towards her chambers.

 

            “Your Majesty,” Lillian called after her, and Kara let out a weary sigh. She was tired, and she didn’t want to listen to Lillian plead her son’s case at this hour. Turning around, Kara gave her an expectant look, watching as Lillian proudly raised her chin. “Our way deems that he pay with his life.”

 

            Kara blinked in surprise, and it showed on everyone else’s faces too, for it was well known that her son was her pride and joy. Even Lex sharply turned his head towards his mother, his mouth falling open in surprise. “Mother!”

 

            “He has chosen his fate, and now he will pay the price, as is our custom,” Lillian said, faltering slightly as Lex spoke. Nodding, Kara gestured for Astra and Non to drag him outside where she would behead him.

 

            “Trial by combat!” Lex shouted, his voice panicked as he was hauled to his feet. “I would see my fate decided with a trial by combat.”

 

            Alex let out a cold laugh. “You confess to your treachery yet ask to die with a sword in hand? That is an honour unbefitting a coward like you.”

 

            Gently placing a hand on Alex’s arm, Kara reined in her sister’s anger. “For the friendship we once had, I will grant you this trial by combat.”

 

            Quickly, Alex sank to her knees before Kara, bowing her head respectfully. “Sister, I would ask that you name me your champion, to fight in your name.”

 

            Pulling her up to her feet, Kara placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder and gave her a grim smile. “I am queen. I sentence him to his death, and I will face him myself. The sands will run red with his blood by the time I am through with him.”

 

            “Your Majesty, you cannot,” Astra said, keeping a tight grip on Lex as she shot her niece a panicked look. “If he were to best you then-“

 

            “I _will_ be my own champion. I would dishonor myself to have someone else fight for me,” Kara said, stubbornly raising her chin. “Lady Grant asked for a tournament in honour of my coronation – I shall give her one. A week’s henceforth we shall hold the trial at the arena in the city. We’ll play by the traditional fighting rules. Make sure he is fed and watered, for I would have him at full strength when I best him. That’ll be all.”

 

            Without another word, Kara walked back into her room, leaving the door open behind her. She could hear the sound of swords being sheathed, and the low murmur of voices. Sitting down in a chair, Kara lay her hands down flat on the table to stop them from shaking, watching as Streaky lay down at her feet and started licking her muzzle clean. She didn’t look up as tentative footsteps made their way into her room, but as a cup was placed into her hands a few moments later, she looked up at Lena. Alex sat down across from Kara, and the three of them were silent for a moment as Kara drank to calm herself down.

 

            “Are you okay?” Alex asked, her voice hoarse from her worry.

 

            “Fine,” Kara curtly replied, setting the cup down. “You should get some rest.”

 

            A hysterical laugh burst out of Alex and her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “ _Rest?_ Y-you were almost just killed and _I_ need to rest?”

 

            Giving her sister an exasperated look, Kara picked up her cup again, draining the strong wine and setting the empty cup back down. Lena picked up the jug and poured another small measure into it, nudging the cup back into Kara’s hands, as she looked at her with concern. “Your Majesty-“

 

            “Lena, I’ve told you before, we’re old friends, you may call me by my name,” Kara muttered, feeling irritated at the use of her title.

 

            “I fear that old friends aren’t as loyal as expected,” Lena stiffly replied, her anger barely controlled.

 

            Kara sighed, running a hand through her tangled hair, aware that all three of them were in various stages of dress. “I would not see your brother’s actions reflect upon you,” Kara assured her. “You are still my greatest friend – and I know that you hold nothing but kindness within you.”

 

            “You’re bleeding,” Lena gasped, noticing the trickle of blood on Kara’s throat as she’d turned her head to look at Lena.

 

            “It’s nothing – a scratch,” Kara said, waving a hand dismissively. Walking to the basin, Lena dipped a cloth into the cold water and then carried it over to Kara, who let her tilt her head to the side and gently dab at the shallow cut, hissing at the stinging feeling. “Thank you,” Kara murmured as Lena set the bloody cloth down on the table.

 

            “You should rest now, sister,” Alex said, and Kara agreed with a tired sigh. Climbing to her feet, she walked over to her bed, slipping the dagger back under her pillow and flopping down onto her blankets.

 

            The two girls hesitated, casting worried looks in Kara’s direction. “James has taken up guard duty for the rest of the night. Would you like me to stay with you in here, sister?” Alex asked after they fell into silence.

 

            “No,” Kara sighed. “Both of you should return to your beds, please.”

 

            “Good night, Your Majesty,” Lena murmured, giving Kara a grim smile, and without another word, her and Alex slipped outside, closing the door behind them. Left alone, Kara stretched out along the length of her bed, arms folded behind her head as she stared up at the ceiling. It was still dark outside, but sleep wouldn’t come, and she stayed in that position for the rest of the night, only rising when the sky started to lighten outside her window so that she could watch the sun paint the sky a dozen shades of pink and orange as it rose.


	12. Chapter 12

            Things at the castle had been tense after the whole ordeal with Lex, and while Kara was wishing that she didn’t have to fight him, she couldn’t wait for it to be over so that it could be in the past. She’d spent every moment she could privately training with Alex and James, and she was sure that she would win the fight, but wasn’t sure what the cost of it would be. Even though she’d been a child when she’d left Kandor, she remembered Lex training as a young soldier, and she knew that he would’ve gotten better in her absence. So she trained until she was exhausted, and then she’d seek Lena’s company and they’d walk through the godswood or Kara would rest in her chambers while they talked.

 

            Part of the reason why things had been tense was because others were distrustful towards Lena and Lillian now. There had been numerous arguments and backhanded insults that Kara had firmly opposed, insisting that one person’s actions didn’t account for all, but still, Lillian’s resignation from the council was ordered, as well as Lena’s company. Kara had furiously objected to even the suggestion of it, and after that the arguments had ceased and everyone had stayed mute on the topic. Still, Kara didn’t spend time in Lena’s company with others, for she didn’t like the sly looks sent her way, despite her innocence in the matter.

 

            Eventually a week had passed, and Kara awoke the day of the trial to an overcast day and a chill in the air. She changed quickly into a tunic and some leggings, knowing that she would change again upon reaching the arena, and sat alone in her room, picking at her breakfast until the sun was high enough in the sky that she knew it would be time to leave for the arena soon. It was a place for those who wished to fight one another – usually just to surrender – or for archery melee’s when the need for entertainment arose. Very rarely had the arena seen a trial by combat, and everyone was buzzing with excitement, even though they tried to remain demure in Kara’s presence. She knew that today they would be careless with their emotions, and she wished more than anything Lex hadn’t invoked a trial by combat so that she could’ve removed his head from his shoulders with little fuss.

 

            Sighing, Kara walked over to the door and threw it open, giving Jack a terse nod. He was on guard last night, and he looked weary, but he bowed to Kara, murmuring a good morning to her. “Please send word for everyone to assemble in the courtyard within the hour.”

 

            Shutting her door again, Kara seated herself at the table and stroked Streaky’s fur while the wolf scoffed down the meat that Kara fed her. Alex found her there not too long later, a worried look on her face as she took in Kara’s drawn and tired expression. “Sister, you look as if your eyes didn’t close all night.”

 

            “I fear that they haven’t,” Kara grumbled.

 

            “Let me fight for you,” Alex blurted out, taking a step forward. “Please, I beg of you. I will see him dead, and if not, at least the blade would not strike you.”

 

            Kara closed her eyes, exhaling sharply as she listened to Alex plead her case yet again. “I will have no one fight my battles for me.”

 

            “Kara-“

 

            “Enough of this,” Kara said, her eyelids flying open as she jumped up from her chair, “it is time for us to make for the city.”

 

            Alex was silent, but her frustration was clear in the stiff nod she gave Kara. Sighing, Kara walked over to her vanity and quickly braided her hair back out of her face, and pinning a loose strand pack with a golden hairpin decorated with gilded flowers. It was the one that Lena had pinned in her hair that day at the bathing rooms, and Kara gained small comfort by wearing it. Without a word, Kara slipped her boots on and walked out of the room with Alex following behind, and Jack close behind.

 

            “Are the armour and weapons ready?” Kara asked as she briskly walked down the hallway.

 

            “Yes,” Alex assured her. “It shall all be waiting for you both in the rooms beneath the arena.” Kara nodded, making her way downstairs. A few minutes later she was outside in the courtyard, and the stablehand’s were saddling horses and leading them out for the people waiting to make their way to the city. Lex had already been taken there, under guard, and most of the lords and ladies had left earlier to ensure that they had good seats.

 

            There was a private box for Kara’s use, and those closest to her or of high position were to make their way to the arena with her, before seating themselves there. It was almost another twenty minutes before everyone who was joining Kara was accounted for – Lena had been missing, and it had taken a while for soldier’s to locate her in the godswood where she had been praying beneath one of Rao’s trees. Mounting her horse, Kara patiently waited for everyone to jostle for position, before setting off through the castle gates, across the drawbridge and towards the city.

 

            It was another twenty minutes of gentle riding before they reached the outskirts of the city, and they didn’t pause as they wound their way through the streets, with soldier’s cutting a path through the crowd as they bid people to make way for their queen. Making their way through the city, they came to a stop outside the arena, and as soon as Kara dismounted she was whisked inside and away from the citizens gathered outside.

 

            Walking through the tunnels beneath the arena, Kara walked into the room holding her gear, and dismissed everyone except Alex and Lena. They were silent as Kara trailed her hands over the leather armour: a band of leather to cover her chest, attached to overlapping scaled of leather to protect her sword arm and shoulder; a pleated leather skirt; and a round wooden shield. It wasn’t armour to protect one from injury or death, it was armour to make a sport of the fighting before the killing blow was dealt. In the fashion of the traditional fighting style, Kara had been provided with a heavy, steel-tipped spear, a sharp-edged short sword, and a piece of metal with three prongs that could be worn between the knuckles like claws. The rules dictated that they would match each other weapon for weapon so as to make it a fair fight, and the only weapons they were permitted were the ones present.

 

            Alex and Lena stayed with Kara, turning their backs and talking amongst themselves while they gave her privacy to change into her armour. Strapping on her sword and looping the claws through her belt, Kara rounded on her sister and friend. “You should take to your seats now.”

 

            Hesitating, Alex nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. She looked genuinely terrified, and she quickly pulled Kara into a hug, holding her tightly before pulling back. Quickly double-checking that everything was strapped into place properly, Alex clapped Kara on the shoulders and then reached up to cup her face and kiss her on her brow. “You kill that bastard. Do you hear me, Kara? You kill him and you sit your ass back down on your throne and you stop picking fights with people who want you dead.”

 

            “I hear you,” Kara said, smiling softly at Alex. “I love you, sister.”

 

            “And I you.”

 

            “Would you tell our mother … I could not bear to see her worried.”

 

            Alex gently stroked Kara’s cheek and gave her a tight smile. “We shall both see you afterwards.”

 

            Kara nodded, and then she looked at Lena, who hovered behind Alex looking paler than Kara had ever seen her. All of the blood had drained from her face, and her eyes held fear in them as she stared at Kara. “Kill him, for me, and for yourself. Just please, kill him.”

 

            “I’ll kill him … for both of us,” Kara promised, her face softening as she gave Lena a tender smile. Lena swallowed thickly, opening and closing her mouth before she settled on a nod and walked out of the room. Alex hesitated, looking back once before she took her leave too.

 

            It was another fifteen minutes before the piercing sound of a horn cut through the dim roar of the crowd, and Kara grabbed her shield and spear. Taking a deep breath, Kara stepped out of the room and took the hallway that led towards the sand. A square of bright light grew bigger as she walked along the tunnel, and the sound of the crowd grew louder until it was almost unbearably loud. Gritting her teeth, Kara stilled her nerves and tuned out the sound. Taking her first step onto the sand, she was met by a loud cheer, but she was only aware of the cold, roughly packed sand beneath her bare feet, and the chill wind that caused the hairs on her arms to rise. Across from her she saw Lex entering the arena, wearing identical armour to hers, and she could almost see the cold smile on his face as he strode towards the centre.

 

            They stopped a dozen feet apart from each other, and Kara nodded stiffly at him, before she looked up at the platform that held her personal guests. Alex, along with the rest of Kara’s Queensguard, wore a stiff mask of anger, Lena and Eliza were both pale with nerves, and Lillian’s face was just blank. She watched as Astra walked forward, holding a hand up to silence the crowd, which immediately fell quiet. Pausing for a moment, Astra looked at the two opponent’s stood in the middle of the arena and clenched her jaw, almost as if it physically pained her to cry out the next word. “Begin.”

 

            Turning to face Lex, Kara spun her spear around in lazy arcs, before she tossed it aside, letting it clatter to the sand. Lex frowned, but followed the rules and threw his spear aside too, quickly drawing his blade. Kara unsheathed her own, and the two of them began to circle each other tentatively, feinting left and right as they tried to gauge each other’s reflexes and movements. After a few minutes of nothing, Kara let out a laugh and tore the wooden shield from her arm, carelessly tossing it aside too. Looking slightly less arrogant, and a little more concerned, Lex cast aside his shield and frowned at Kara.

 

            “Will this be your excuse when I best you?” Lex called to her, trying to goad Kara into attacking. “The queen died because she had nothing to defend herself with?”

 

            Kara was silent as she knelt and dug the tip of her sword into the sand, leaving it standing upright, wobbling slightly with the force that she’d plunged it into the ground. Lex let out a roar of frustration, throwing his sword aside and quickly fitting the claws in between his fingers. Copying his actions, Kara armed herself with her own, and then Lex lunged for her, lashing out with his fist and striking air as Kara whirled away from him. She was too quick – years of training with the assassins had made her all but a wraith, and Lex couldn’t land a hit – and she anticipated every move he made a split-second before he made it. His knuckles would turn white as he clenched the metal in his hand, and Kara would dodge out of the way of his next attack, swiping his feet out from under him, or shoving him forwards. She was toying with him and giving nothing of her skills away. She would not fight unless it was upon the battlefield – she would have no one knowing of her skill with a blade unless it was absolutely necessary. She could win this fight with nothing but tiny metal claws clutched in a tight fist.

 

            “Oh how I’m going to enjoy killing you,” Lex snarled at her. “And if I do not, it will be just as satisfying to know that you have killed me, but you’ll never be happy so long as you sit upon your throne, knowing that you can never have what you truly desire. Oh yes, I see the way you gaze upon my sister. How it must torture you to know she sleeps in another man’s bed each night, to know that you cannot have her.” As she spun away from his next attack, Kara made the mistake of glancing up at the platform, and everything seemed to fade away. Lena was stood at the very edge, leaning over the edge of the balcony as she watched with poorly concealed panic and and worry. Her hair gently blew around her face as a breeze swept through, stirring up the sand beneath their feet, and Kara momentarily forgot herself. A sharp pain in her side brought her back to reality, and she dropped onto her back to avoid the next attack.

 

            “See? You cannot tear your eyes away from her face for long enough to even protect yourself. How do you expect to kill me when she holds your attention? When she is your every waking thought?”

 

            Kara flipped herself back up onto her feet and coolly stared at Lex. “I’m not going to kill you,” she told him, letting the claws slip from between her fingers and fall to the sand. Dodging his next swipe, she found herself behind him and quickly grabbed his arm. “You are your own downfall, Lex.” With a quick jerk of his neck, Kara ran his neck along the sharp edges of the claws Lex held in his own hands, drawing three red lines across throat. She let him collapse to his knees, choking on his own blood as it ran down his chest and stained the sand beneath him red.

 

            Breathing heavily, Kara turned her back on Lex’s body and strode over to the tunnel she had come in through, not even pausing to bask in the cheers and applause than thundered around her. Clutching a hand to her side, Kara quickly rushed through the tunnel, coming outside and climbing onto the first horse she found. Wheeling the horse around she urged it forwards and galloped through the city, heading straight for the castle as fast as she could.

 

            Sliding off the horse, Kara stumbled as her feet hit the ground and she waved away the servants and soldier’s that had stayed behind at the castle. Her hand was slick with blood as she lurched towards the side gate that led to the opposite side of the castle without having to cut through it. She made for the godswood, only managing to make it a few feet into the shadows the trees cast, before she braced herself against a tree and vomited at the base of it. He had been her friend once – he had been the boy who would carry her around on his back, the boy she would run around with as they skinned their knees getting into trouble. He was never the one she was closest to – he was the eldest and was quickly consumed with his duties to the Warrior Guild – but they had still been friends, and his betrayal cut deep. And now he was dead.

 

            She sank down next to the pool of her vomit, sitting there shaking while she kept her hand firmly pressed to her ribs, and she prayed to the gods for Lex’s soul – for the kindhearted and funny boy she had once known. It was there that Lena found her, letting out a cry of relief as she collapsed to the ground in front of Kara.

 

            “Kara,” she softly said, and Kara opened her eyes, blinking slowly. She gave Lena a small smile. “You must come inside, Kara. You must let us attend to your wound.”

 

            “It’s but a scratch,” Kara mumbled, yet she weakly tried to climb to her feet. Lena’s arms were quickly around her, hoisting one of Kara’s arms over her shoulder’s and bearing most of her weight. She kept one hand tightly clamped over the one Kara held to her ribs, and it was quickly soaked with blood. Others ran towards them as they approached the back door to the castle, and Kara quickly bid Lena to let her go so that she wouldn’t be seen as weak, even with her injury. She could never show weakness.

 

            “Kara!” Alex shouted, rushing over to her sister and taking in her injury. Her face was stark white, and she quickly hauled Kara along after her. “We must get you to a healer. Mother will be back by now; she will will attend to you.”

 

            Nodding, Kara walked inside and as they made their way to the stairs she shook her head. “I cannot walk up those. I feel that I am faint headed at the moment. We shall have to make do with a room on this floor.”

 

            Alex muttered a curse, her frown deepening as they made their way along the warren of hallways and found a small room with a chaise for Kara to sit on. Lena mumbled something about fetching rags, and she quickly disappeared, leaving Alex to poke at Kara’s side in furious silence. The door opened not too long after, with Eliza running in with a panicked look on her face, which quickly turned to relief as she looked at her daughter, who was still conscious and giving her a reassuring smile.

 

            “Alex, I’ll need supplies, and your help,” Eliza ordered her, and Alex nodded, immediately going to fetch them. Astra replaced her position at Kara’s side, and looked at her niece with pride and concern. Everyone was mostly silent as they waited for Alex to come back, but Lena was back first, a bundle of linens clutched in her arms, as well as clean clothes for afterwards. She quickly walked to Kara’s side and pressed the rags to the cuts. The clean cloth was quickly stained red as blood seeped into the fabric, and Lena held it pressed tightly against Kara’s ribs.

 

            The door opened again and Alex rushed in, setting down an armful of herbs, bandages and tinctures. She ordered the servants following behind her to do the same, and another brought in a large bowl of hot water. Rolling the sleeves of her robe up, Eliza peeled back the cloth and inspected the wound, her face grim but less worried. Three lines ran from the right side of Kara’s torso, right down to her hips, curving slightly from the angle that Lex had clawed her. “It is not too deep, but it will need stitching closed. I fear that there shall be scars, but it will heal well,” Eliza told her, and Kara nodded. “Alex, grind poppy, willow bark and gingerroot and boil it with water.”

 

            Scrambling to do as her mother ordered, Alex began rifling through the herbs, and Lena quickly grabbed a jug of water and splashed some into a pot for her. “Daughter, I need you to lay flat on your side,” Eliza gently told Kara, who quickly obliged, biting back a groan as the wound twinged.

 

            Astra stood back, watching with a grim look on her face. “Should not the court healer attend to her?”

 

            “I have treated the queen for many years, and I will treat her now,” Eliza brusquely replied, dipping a cloth in the bowl of hot water and dabbing at the wound. Astra fell silent after that, and let Eliza clean the wound in peace. As soon as the tea was done, a cup of it was pressed into Kara’s hand and she quickly it, and then Eliza was handing her a wad of cloth to stuff in her mouth so that she would not bite her own tongue. Slowly, the tea began taking affect, and Eliza poured different tinctures onto the wound to make sure that it was clean and to stop the threat of infection.

 

            “It will be painful, daughter, but you must keep still,” Eliza told her as she threaded a curved bone hook with thick thread. Kara nodded, closing her eyes as she waited for Eliza to start stitching. The pain in her side, which had dulled from the tea, flared up as the hook was pushed through her skin, drawing the two sides together, and Kara bit back a scream. On and on it went, and the drowsiness of the tea, coupled with the pain, was enough to make everything fade away as Kara lay there having her wound sewn shut. It took ages, for the length of the three cuts was long, and Eliza was being careful to make sure that the wound was closed properly. As soon as it was shut, Eliza banished everyone, except Alex, from the room and ordered her to start unbuckling the leather armour that Kara wore while she ground herbs into a paste. Gently, Eliza spread the salve over the stitches, and then had Alex prop Kara up so that she could bind her torso with clean linen. She was helped into the clean clothes that Lena had brought her, and then Eliza pulled the damp cloth out of her mouth and trickled in a tincture that would make her sleep.

 

\---

 

            Kara awoke on the sofa, and a shark pain in her side made her wince as she tried to sit up. She hissed as she shifted slightly, looking around the room in confusion. “Don’t try and move, my dear,” Eliza said, and Kara looked at her with a puzzled look on her face as she tried to shake away the fuzzy feeling in her head. Gentle hands brushed Kara’s hair back out of her face, and she smiled up at Eliza, her eyes fluttering as she tried to fight off the remnants of the sleeping draught that she’d been given.

 

            “What time is it?” Kara asked, raising her head up. Eliza knelt down beside her and carefully helped pull Kara up into a sitting position, and Kara felt a bit light-headed as she sagged back against the pillows.

 

            “It’s a little after midday,” Eliza murmured, pulling the blankets up to cover Kara’s shoulders before she reached up to check if Kara was feverish. “You’ve been out for a few hours.”

 

            “Where is everyone?” Kara asked, her voice coming out scratchy.

 

            Eliza stood up and fetched a cup of water for her. “I sent them away to let you rest. There was a lot of unhappy grumbling – especially from Alex. I think she was hoping for some leniency off her mother.”

 

            Kara laughed and winced as pain lanced through her side. She took the cup with thanks and sipped the water as she watched Eliza rifle through the supplies for some willow bark, which she handed to Kara to chew on for pain relief. Once the pain in her side dulled down, Kara threw the blankets off her and climbed to her feet unsteadily, ignoring Eliza’s protests, and she clutched her mother’s shoulder for support. “You should not be up,” Eliza chided her, but Kara stubbornly pouted.

 

            “I would see myself back to my room,” Kara told her, and Eliza gave her an exasperated look as she sighed, but she didn’t argue, she just slowly helped Kara over to the door and began to guide her upstairs. Winn had taken up guard position outside the small room, and he bowed as Kara walked out, and gently took the weight of her off Eliza. It was slow-going, put with the help she was soon back in her room. Eliza had forced her into bed, and Kara sat up against the pillows, watching her mother fuss with the furs and make sure the fire was burning steadily. The room was stiflingly hot, chasing away the chill that seeped from the cold stones, and Kara felt content as she lay there.

 

            It didn’t last long though, because as soon as Eliza and Winn left her alone to rest, Alex barged in. She let out a sigh of relief, seeing Kara awake, but then her expression changed to one of anger as she stormed over to Kara’s bedside. “What is the god’s names were you thinking? You could’ve _died_ Kara! You were a fool to throw away your weapons so readily.”

 

            “Sister,” Kara curtly greeted her.

 

            “You were reckless and arrogant and now look at you, you’re hurt!” Alex continued to rant. “You really are the stubbornest and- and the most idiotic person I’ve ever met! You could’ve ran him through with a sword in a heartbeat! You wield a spear with such finesse that you could’ve knocked him on his ass with it and speared him in the heart before he could climb to his feet, and _still_ made a show of it!”

 

            “Reckless, arrogant, stubborn and idiotic? Is that any way to talk to your queen?” Kara asked with amusement.

 

            “Kara-“ Alex hotly replied, ready to argue, but Kara sighed and held out a hand for her sister. Falling silent, Alex took her hand and sat down on the edge of the bed, looking at Kara with concern.

 

            Smiling slightly, Kara gave Alex’s hand a quick squeeze. “I told you, I don’t want anyone to know what I can do. If Lex had seen me fight that day in the courtyard, he would’ve seen my weaknesses. If I’d fought him on the sands, everyone else would’ve seen my weaknesses. I-I have enemies, Alex, and I didn’t even know I had them. I can’t risk them knowing what I can do, so for now, all they know is that I-I’m quick, and I can kill someone at their own hand.”

 

            Alex frowned as she looked down at their intertwined hands. “You got hurt.”

 

            “I’ll be fine,” Kara quickly reassured her. “You’re truly your mother’s daughter – an excellent healer – and you _know_ that it’s nothing that’ll trouble me for more than a few weeks. You’re right though – it was my mistake. I let him … distract me, and he got inside my head for a moment.”

 

            “What did he say?” Alex asked, and Kara pressed her lips together in a grim line. “Kara, I saw your face; you were angry, upset.”

 

            “It’s nothing,” Kara told her, giving her a forced smile. Her stomach rumbled slightly and she used it as a distraction. “Would you mind finding a servant and asking them to bring me some food. I don’t mean to get all high and mighty on you, because I’d go to the kitchens and beg for it myself, but I fear that if my feet so much as touched the ground, mother would materialize out of thin air and strap me down to the bed.”

 

            Alex let out a laugh, reaching out to give the end of Kara’s braid a gentle tug. “As would I. I’ll find someone to fetch you something.”

 

\---

 

            The rest of the day was spent in bed, and Kara was relieved at the peace and quiet provided as she read by the light filtering in through the windows, and as the sun started to set, the light of the candles that a servant came in to light for her. Eliza had forbidden visitors aside from herself, and so Kara found herself lost in her thoughts, or caught up in dreams whenever the tinctures that Eliza brought her made her drift off into restless sleeps.

 

            The castle was quiet when Kara finally climbed out of bed, feeling restless from too long spent laying down. She needed some fresh air. Draping a blanket around her shoulders, Kara staggered over to the door with Streaky at her heels, muttering curses under her breath as her skin pulled at the stitches. She pulled open the door, and Kal jumped in surprise, whirling around to face her. “Cousin. You should be resting.”

 

            “I’m fine, Kal,” Kara said, giving him a crooked smile. “I just need to stretch my legs. I won’t need an escort.”

 

            “I’m a member of your Queensguard, Your Majesty,” Kal protested, looking displeased by Kara’s decision.

 

            “I’m only going to the end of the hallway, cousin. You may retire for the night,” Kara ordered him, and with a bow, Kal bid her goodnight and walked over to his room down the opposite end of the hallway. Walking in the opposite direction, Kara set off towards her destination, feeling a bit woozy from the blood loss. As she neared the wooden door at the end of the hallway, she could hear the muffled sound of raised voices – one of them unmistakably belonging to Lena. Hesitating slightly, Kara raised her hand and knocked on the door.

 

            It was pulled open a moment later by an angry looking Lena. “I said I- oh, Kara! Forgive me, I wasn’t expecting you. Should you be up?”

 

            “You have no need to apologise,” Kara said, blinking in surprise as she looked at Lena. “Forgive me, the hour is late, I should not have disturbed you. I just had a need to stretch my legs.”

 

            “No, no, please, come in,” Lena said, holding the door open wider to let Kara pass by. Her long dark hair spilled around her shoulders and she was wearing a white nightgown, looking ready for bed aside from the barely restrained anger as she politely permitted Kara into her rooms. To Kara’s surprise, Lillian was stood next to the fire, a goblet of wine held in her hand, and she bowed her head to Kara as she approached.

 

            Giving Kara a tight smile, Lillian took a step towards her. “Your Majesty, it gladdens me to see you up on your feet so soon, although I would advise you to not overexert yourself. Please, make yourself comfortable before the fire. General In-Ze informed the council that your wounds weren’t too severe – we were all relieved to hear so.”

 

            Kara nodded her head in thanks as she took a seat, and they all fell into silence. Lena hovered to Kara’s right and Kara could feel the tension between her and her mother, but she didn’t dare inquire into what the argument had been about. There were other matters she was here to discuss. Hesitating slightly, Kara looked at Lillian. “I’m sorry … for your loss,” Kara awkwardly apologized, knowing that Lillian must have despised her for killing her son.

 

            “None are necessary, Your Majesty,” Lillian stiffly replied.

 

            “I would see him have full burial rites,” Kara continued, and Lillian and Lena both looked at her in surprise.

 

            “He is- _was_ a traitor, Your Majesty. It is customary to withhold cremation in such cases,” Lillian said, looking at her in confusion.

 

            Kara nodded. “I know, but I would see him go to Rao’s halls. He was my friend once … for that I would not see him suffer.”

 

            “You would give him honour in death, when he had none in life?” Lena sharply asked, sounding faintly disgusted.

 

            “I would,” Kara agreed, and Lena scoffed as she poured them both some wine and roughly handed a cup to Kara, who was taken aback by her anger.

 

            “Lena,” Lillian hissed at her in disapproval.

 

            Whirling around, Lena glared at her mother and Kara busied herself with her wine as she tried to ignore the argument. “No, mother! He was a coward, he was spineless. He tried to murder her in her _sleep_ because he didn’t even have the courage to do it in broad daylight.”

 

            Setting her wine down, Kara cleared her throat slightly, cutting off whatever retort was about to fall out of Lillian’s mouth. “Perhaps I should take my leave.”

 

            “No, please, stay Your Majesty,” Lena told her, her anger dimming again. “My mother was just leaving.” Lillian snorted, but just drained her wine and set the goblet down on the table. Sketching a quick curtsy to Kara, she left the room without sparing a glance at her daughter. Sighing, Lena closed her eyes and ran a hand through her hair, before taking a seat opposite Kara in front of the fire. “Forgive me, Kara. I did not mean to let my temper escape me.”

 

            “It’s quite alright,” Kara murmured, looking at her with concern. “I came to see if you were alright.”

 

            “If _I’m_ alright,” Lena bitterly laughed. “I should be asking you that. You were as pale as I when I found you in the godswood.”

 

            Kara smiled slightly, “I’m already on my feet, I shall be fine. How did you know where to find me though?”

 

            Lena gave her a gentle smile, the last of her anger fading away as the sharp edges of her face softened slightly. “You’ve always loved the gods, ever since you were a little girl. That was always the first place I’d look when you were upset, and it’s where you’ve gone every time you’ve been upset since your return.”

 

            “I would appreciate it if you didn’t divulge that to anyone else,” Kara quietly laughed.

 

            “Of course not,” Lena said.

 

            “ _Are_ you alright?” Kara asked, realizing that Lena hadn’t answered her earlier on.

 

            Closing her eyes for a moment, Lena took a deep breath and then face Kara. There was pain hidden behind her eyes, and it hurt Kara to know that she was partly responsible for causing that pain. “I … am grateful that you won. For a second I thought that he was going to- that you would- you didn’t though, and the gods have answered my prayers.”

 

            “He was your brother, Lena,” Kara murmured.

 

            “And I would have slit his throat the night he tried to murder you if you had not stopped me,” Lena curtly replied.

 

            “It’s okay to be upset, you know,” Kara gently told her. “It’s okay to love him despite what he’s done. It’s okay to hate me for taking him away from you. He was everything to you when we were children – he made you laugh and you loved him dearly. I’m sorry to have taken that away from you.”

 

            Lena stiffened slightly. “He stopped being that brother a number of years ago and I’ve had little love for him since then. And you are wrong on two accounts, for I could not find it within myself to hate you in the slightest for what you have done, and he was not the one who was everything to me. He never has been.”

 

            They fell into a comfortable silence for a moment, and Kara stared at the flames as they danced and spat sparks into the air. Picking up her wine, Kara took a sip and stared at Lena over the rim of her goblet. Her skin was bathed in orange light from the fire, and she was like a statue as she stared at the flames. She was beautiful. Lena seemed to shake herself out of her thoughts, and quickly looked at Kara, who turned her gaze away so that she could pretend that she wasn’t staring.

 

            “You’re different, you know,” Lena murmured, and Kara look back over to her with a look of interest on her face. “Different than when we were young. Still, I can’t help but feel like things haven’t changed at all. You’re still so kind, and smart, and _loving –_ you’re still my Kara. Everything seems to bring me back to our childhood, and I regret that there’s a large part of you that I don’t know.”

 

            “You’re different too,” Kara softly replied. “A lot different.”

 

            “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” Lena asked, giving her a wry smile.

 

            Kara hesitated for a moment, before deciding on the truth. “I’m not too sure.” Lena tilted her head to the side, waiting for Kara to elaborate. With a sigh and an awkward smile, Kara continued. “You were warm, and loving and kind, and just … so loveable as a child, and I don’t mean that you’re _not_ all of those things now, because you are. It’s just that a lot happened while I was gone, and all of that is hidden away beneath this … blank mask. You don’t talk to anyone, you don’t get excited about anything anymore, you don’t love easily anymore. It makes me sad that you’ve been hurt.”

 

            Lena’s defenses seemed to rise as Kara spoke, and she gave her a strained smile when Kara fell silent. “I'm not that way with everyone.”

 

            “Were you lonely until I returned?”

 

            “I was,” Lena admitted, “it was isolation of my own choosing. You know how strong willed I have always been, yet I was not yet so hard of heart when my parentage was revealed. It … _hurt_ to hear people say nasty things about me, so I avoided them. I was too prideful to let them to reject me, so I rejected them. I had thought that I would stay alone forever, until you returned and were so quick to lay the blame elsewhere and rekindle old friendships. Thank you for that.”

 

            “I would not see myself without you in my life, you bring a joy to my life that only my sister can rival. I would see you happy. Jack … does he truly make you happy?” Kara dared to ask, and her heart ached because she knew that she would give anything to make Lena happy, yet she couldn’t do it herself. The best she could hope for was for Lena’s husband to treat her the way she deserved to be treated.

 

            “He has much love for me,” Lena hesitantly replied. “He is the perfect husband, and yet … he is not the person I would have picked for myself. I feel that in another life I might’ve loved him back, just not in this one. I am not unhappy though, and I would thank you for asking him to be a part of your Queensguard. I know you did it for me, so that I could stay at court.”

 

            Kara nodded, for it was true that that was the only reason she’d asked Jack. She had no connection to him, no reason to trust him, and while he was well skilled with a blade, she had asked him so that she would not be parted with Lena after her coronation. “Think nothing of it. It was out of my own selfishness that I asked, for I could not bear the thought of being parted from my dearest friend so soon.”

 

            A feeling of sadness washed over Kara as she stared at Lena, and she quickly drained her wine and climbed to her feet, muttering a curse as she pulled at the stitches in her hurry. She couldn’t stay any longer, she couldn’t sit here and listen to Lex’s voice haunting her as she sat in the room that Lena shared with her husband, and she couldn’t sit here knowing that he was right and they could never be anything more than friends. Lena quickly climbed to her feet, a look of worry on her face as she reached out slightly as if to steady Kara should she need it. “Forgive me, I fear that today’s events have exhausted me. I will retire for the night.”

 

            She turned and walked towards the door without a look back, Streaky silently following along. As she pulled the door open, she heard Lena’s soft voice calling her, and she paused in the doorway, her shoulders tense as she stood there, turning her head slightly, but not enough to look at Lena. “Thank you, for everything you have done for me and my family. It is more than we deserve.”

 

            Hesitating, Kara nodded, before she silently walked out, firmly closing the door behind her. Walking back to her own room, she stepped inside and strode over to her bed, where she slipped under the covers and lay there looking up at the ceiling. Not for the first time, Kara felt bitter about her life, knowing that everything she’d ever wanted had been taken away from her over a stone chair and a piece of metal, but there was a guilty part of her that knew that she should not complain of her privilege, for she had seen the way that some people in her kingdom lived, and now she was duty bound to change it, for no one else but her could. Gritting her teeth as she blinked back angry tears, Kara pushed her feelings aside and set her focus on her duties as queen. It may not have been the life she would have chosen for herself, but she was honour bound to uphold the vows she had taken in the sight of gods and men, and she would uphold those vows, even if it meant sacrificing her own happiness.


	13. Chapter 13

            The next day Kara was up early, slipping out of her room with a bundle of clothes under her arm and Streaky close behind her. She hadn’t slept well, and the sun hadn’t yet risen so the castle was relatively quiet as she made her way down to the bathing rooms. Carefully undressing, Kara unwound the bandages around her chest and hissed in pain as she scraped off the herbal salve that Eliza had applied. The edges of the cuts were pink and slightly crusted with blood, but other than that it didn’t look as if it was inflamed, and Kara sighed with relief.

 

            Slowly lowering herself into the hot water, Kara relaxed as it soothed her wound and closed her eyes as she floated on the top of the water. Careful not to pull at the stitches, she slowly sank beneath the water and started swimming back and forth, reveling in the feeling of cutting through the water; she might’ve been kissed by the sun, but she would be content to stay in the water all day. She knew that there was a council meeting today though, and sooner or later someone would come looking for her. Scrubbing herself clean, Kara hauled herself out of the pool, quietly groaning as the dull pain flared up – her first order of business for the day was to go to the infirmary and grind herself up a pain relieving tea.

 

            With some difficulty, Kara re-bandaged her chest and slipped on a loose shirt over some leggings, before leaving her clothes in a neat pile in the basket by the door. She was just walking out when she almost bumped into someone also leaving. “Oh, Lena!”

 

            “Kara! You startled me,” she breathlessly exclaimed, one hand clutching the front of her dress. Her dark hair was damp, evidence that she’d been in one of the other bathing rooms, and she wore a long red tunic that seemed to make her eyes even more piercing. “You should not be down here alone when you’re so injured.”

 

            Laying a gentle hand on her arm, Kara gave her a warm smile. “I’m fine, really. I’d hate to think I’d survive a trial by combat only to drown in a bathing pool the very next day.”

 

            Lena let out a quick laugh, biting her lip slightly as she looked at Kara’s face. Hesitating slightly, she slowly reached out and brushed her fingertips along the bruise on Kara’s cheekbone in a feather-light touch. “I would see everyone who ever struck you dead, and I am glad that justice has been served this time.”

 

            “It saddens me that it had to be this way,” Kara murmured, and Lena winced slightly, dropping her hand and turning away from her. “Would you escort me back to my room?”

 

            Nodding, Lena fell into step beside Kara as they walked to the door, carefully making sure she was the tiniest bit behind her so that she would not precede the queen. They quietly spoke as they made their way through the castle, Lena’s hand gently taking Kara by the elbow whenever they came to a set of stairs. They were approaching the hallway leading to Kara’s room when Lena stopped, and Kara shot her a puzzled look. Sitting down on a bench below an arched window, Lena looked down at her hands as she fiddled with her hands. “Kara, may we speak frankly for a moment?”

 

            “Of course,” Kara quickly said, sitting down next to her and staring intently at her. “You know I would have no secrets between us.”

 

            “Would you not? For last night you did not seem yourself before you left,” Lena said, looking up to look Kara in the eyes.

 

            Keeping her face blank, Kara opened her mouth and closed it again, laughing nervously as she tried to pretend that everything was fine. She’d said she would be no secrets between them, but she could not tell Lena what was troubling her – not truly. “I fear that it was just the herbs my mother had given me making me feel a bit weary,” Kara assured her, hesitating slightly before supplying a half-truth too. “As well, I was worried for your happiness. I sought you out to make sure you were well after yesterday. I was left feeling drained.”

 

            “So things are well between us?” Lena asked, her forehead wrinkling with concern. Kara gave her a warm smile, reaching out to smooth the worry lines away, and fighting the urge to brush a damp lock of hair out of her face.

 

            “Always,” Kara promised.

 

            Letting out a sigh of relief, Lena gave her a small smile and climbed to her feet, before she carefully helped Kara to her feet too. In a slightly better visible mood, Lena guided Kara back to her room and upon entering, they found themselves face to face with Alex, who let out a loud sound of frustration.

 

            “There you are! I came to bring you some tea and found your bed empty. I had half a mind to alert the soldier’s, but I didn’t think you’d get very far without hurting yourself,” Alex said, giving Kara an amused smile. She picked up the cup of tea and handed it to Kara, who gave her a grateful look as she drained it. “You should be resting.”

 

            “I have tried that one already this morning,” Lena told Alex, the corners of her lips curling up into a small smile.

 

            Alex snorted, “and I’m guessing it went as well as expected?” Lena let out a quick, quiet laugh, shrugging helplessly.

 

            Rolling her eyes, Kara sat down at the table, gesturing for the other two girls to join her as she started to pick at the breakfast spread out before her. There was far too much to eat by herself, and so the three of them enjoyed a hearty breakfast of oats and fruit while they spoke of court life. Once the sun was high enough in the sky, Kara sighed and climbed to her feet as she walked to fetch her crown and the heavy cloak.

 

            “And where exactly are you going off to on royal business?” Alex asked, arching an eyebrow as she stared at Kara.

 

            “We have a council meeting, sister,” Kara reminded her. “Or have you become lax in your duties so quickly?”

 

            Alex’s raised eyebrows quickly turned into a frown. “Kara, you should not be out of bed so quickly. Let your councilors rule your kingdom while you rest.”

 

            “I shall be sat in a chair, Alex, it’s hardly taxing,” Kara huffed. “Besides, I cannot show weakness. If word gets out that I am bedridden, people will be more likely to take advantage of the opportunity. Thousands saw Lex draw blood yesterday, and I would have them think it nothing more than a scratch.”

 

            “Very well,” Alex grumbled in resignation, “but if you so much as turn a shade paler, I will have mother bind you to the bed for a week.”

 

            Giving her sister an amused look, Kara adjusted her cloak and ran a hand through her wild curls. “Do you see this thing around my head, sister?”

 

            Alex narrowed her eyes slightly, pursing her lips. “I see it.”

 

            “Oh good, for a moment I thought I was living some grand illusion where I _wasn’t_ the ruler of a kingdom and could do whatever I wished,” Kara said, giving her a wry smile. “Now stop bossing me around or we’re going to be late to the meeting.”

 

            Laughing, Alex rolled her eyes as she climbed to her feet, giving Kara an exaggerated curtsy. Lena’s lips twitched into a smile, and she stood up too, waiting for Kara to lead the way. The three of them made their way to the council chambers, and Kara stopped outside, nodding at Alex to head on inside. Lena raised her eyebrows slightly, and Kara gave her a hesitant smile. “I would speak with you a moment, if you have the time.”

 

            Snorting with laughter, Lena arched an eyebrow in amusement. “I think I may be able to fit my queen into my _busy_ schedule.”

 

            Laughing, Kara walked over to a nearby alcove and sat down on the windowsill, patting the space beside her for Lena to sit. “Right, well, I, um, I know we spoke about last night earlier on … but I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay. It’s none of my business, but your mother …”

 

            “Ah, right,” Lena muttered, “I had wondered if you would ask about our argument.”

 

            “No, I would not ask you to share your private life with me. I wish only to know if things are well between you two, and if there is anything I could do for you?”

 

            Grimacing slightly, Lena stared out the window in silence for a few moments. “Things have never been easy between us,” Lena murmured as she watched soldier’s drilling in the courtyard, “she sent me away to be married at nineteen, and I was grateful to be away from her. I’ve seen her perhaps a dozen times since then, and now … I have to see her every day. It hasn’t made things easy, it hasn’t been … well, it’s not what I would _like_ to be doing everyday, and Lex … he’s always been her favourite. I always knew it; I just didn’t know _why_ I could never compare to him. I do now, of course, and now he’s gone, and now what? I’m forever going to be second best to the memory of a dead man?” She laughed bitterly, and Kara’s heart ached for her.

 

            “I’m sorry,” Kara whispered, reaching out to place a gentle hand on Lena’s shoulder. She jumped slightly at the touch, and quickly turned to face Kara, giving her a grim smile. Kara’s touch was brief, and she knew it would’ve been of little comfort to Lena, and she wanted to do something _more_ – she didn’t want to leave her alone right now. “Let’s go for a ride. Do you still like riding?”

 

            “You have a council meeting, Kara, right at this very moment,” Lena reminded her.

 

            Kara waved away her concerns, “then I’ll cancel it. We can go out to the woods beyond the first hills – just the two of us. I know how to sneak out of the castle without anyone noticing – they wouldn’t even know I was missing for a few hours at best. It might be a bit harder with the horses, but I’m sure we can manage.”

 

            Giving her a grateful smile, Lena stood up, and Kara quickly scrambled to her feet. “Come on,” Lena said, jerking her head down the hall. “Your council awaits.”

 

            “But-“

 

            “I’m _fine,_ Kara. I would love for us to go riding sometime, but you must put your kingdom before such trifling matters.”

 

            Kara nodded, feeling slightly disappointed at spending time with Lena outside the castle walls, but she gave her a warm smile. Walking to the council chambers, Kara bid Lena goodbye, and walked inside, where everyone was quietly conversing amongst themselves as they waited for her arrival.

 

            “Sorry to keep you waiting,” Kara apologized as she walked to her seat. “Shall we begin?”

 

\---

 

            After hours of discussing finances, taxes, the tournament and important matters of the guild, Kara was restless and eager for the meeting to end. It had all been going relatively well, and Kara was pleased with everyone’s work within their guilds – it was the matters more pertinent to the crown that she took issue with. Particularly marriage, which was broached again during the meeting. Kara had immediately become defensive, objecting to the very idea of her being sent away like a brood mare to produce heirs, or even the idea of marrying a prince to live in Krypton with her. It hadn’t been personal when she’d rejected her betrothal to Mon-El, she didn’t even _know_ him, and by the sounds of things, she didn’t want to, but the fact of the matter was that she wouldn’t marry someone she didn’t love. The meeting ended on a sour note, after a lot of tentative explaining and subtle manipulation to try and get Kara to agree to consider potential matches, but she’d firmly opposed the very idea.

 

            Proclaiming the meeting over, Kara had climbed to her feet and stormed out of the room, leaving Alex to rush after her. In silent irritation, Kara led them downstairs, leaning heavily on Alex as they descended the stairs and ignoring her complaints about Kara overexerting herself, and made a beeline straight for the godswood. Lena’s comment last night about how Kara always fled to seek solace with the gods came back to her, and she felt slightly surprised at how right she had been, for Kara hadn’t even consciously decided to come here. Yet as soon as she stepped into the shade of the trees she let out a heavy sigh of relief.

 

            Trailing her fingers over the rough bark of the trees, Kara trampled over a carpet of leaves and cast her gaze upwards to the canopy where the withering leaves rustled, creating a song in the sound of the breeze. Winter was almost upon them, and soon the trees would stand bare; silent sentries for the gods. As they moved deeper into the forest, Alex cleared her throat, and Kara turned her gaze upon her with an expectant look on her face.

 

            “Something weighs heavily on your mind sister,” Alex said, drawing her cloak tight around her shoulders as the breeze picked up and the trees whispered to each other. “You’re upset, and I would trace it back to the thought of marriage.”

 

            “Oh?” Kara murmured, her voice gloomy as a crease formed between her eyebrows.

 

            Alex huffed, “yes, _oh_. In fact, I would jump to conclusions and infer that a certain pair of green eyes in a pretty face was the cause of your misery and your frustration.”

 

            “You talk of things you know nothing about,” Kara sharply replied.

 

            “Do not treat me like a fool, for I am not as blind as everyone else,” Alex replied, sounding peeved at Kara’s dismissal. Her tone softened as she reached out to stop Kara mid-stride with a gentle hand on her arm. “I only wish to help you, sister.”

 

            Kara didn’t meet Alex’s stare, instead she leant against the rough trunk of an apple tree and sank down to the cold ground, turning her gaze up to the red fruit hanging above her head. Alex paused for a moment before sitting down across from her, at the edge of a small pool that stood in the middle of a circle of trees. Picking up a fallen apple and rolling it in her hands, Alex gazed at Kara with a look of pity. “I do not mean to speak harshly towards you, I apologise,” Kara murmured, and Alex silently nodded. “You asked what Lex said to me yesterday; he spoke of Lena. It would seem that he was not blind either, and his words were … _harsh_ , yet they were true, and they cut deeper than the blow he dealt me. It was Lena who was the cause of my distraction, as ever.”

 

            Alex was silent for a few moments, choosing her words carefully. “I remember a little girl with skinny legs and sad eyes brought to live with me almost thirteen years ago. She was quiet and clever, and she didn’t want to make friends with anyone else because she already had a friend. For the first couple of weeks the only time she showed any signs of happiness was when she would talk about her dearest friend, and her eyes would light up and she’d smile so wide that I would ask her about her friend often, just to see her happy. You’ve been in love with her since you were a child, Kara. I’ve known it for years, even if you did not realize it yourself, and I do not raise the subject now to hurt your feelings. I wish only to help ease your frustration.”

 

            “W-we were children, and I loved her deeply, yet I did not know what it was at the time – not until I was older. By the time I realized, I-I’d been away for some time; I thought of her often, and I couldn’t be sure whether I-I loved a dream of my own creation - the memory of a girl I thought I knew … and then to my joy and sorrow, I returned to find out that it was not just fanciful dreams, but that she was … everything and _more_ than I remembered, and my love was real and true,” Kara said, her voice breaking slightly and a pained look on her face as she spoke. She looked up at Alex and gave her a bitter smile. “And she will never know.”

 

            “I won’t lie to you – I never have, and I would not start now just to spare your feelings. I do not know if your feelings are returned, and she is already wed in any case, but I would ask you to think carefully about your position.”

 

            “I have given it much consideration already,” Kara muttered. “There is naught that I can do. I am forever doomed to watch her call another man’s name, to know that he’ll never love her the way that I do, and that even if she was not wed, I would still not be allowed to pursue her. If I was anyone else, _anyone_ , no one would bat an eye at my love for her, but no, I am from a great house and duty-bound to produce heirs, and so I must marry someone who does not hold my heart.”

 

            Hesitating slightly, Alex cleared her throat. “You are a victim of circumstance, sister. I know that you are not afforded the same liberties as I, for I am not of noble birth and I come from no great house, and am free to pursue my heart, _but_ … there are those at court who are in similar circumstances as you. They would marry out of duty and take their lover-“

 

            “You suggest that I take her as a lover? She is _married,_ Alex, do you suggest I ask her to leave her husband to become my lover? Even if she was not, I could not bear to ask her to do such a thing, I could not shame her in that way. I would give her all of me – I would trade every treasure I own to hold her close, for she is more precious to me than anything else – but I could not bear the thought of wedding someone else only to keep her as a lover on the side. She deserves more than that – if she would even return my feelings to begin with. No, if I can’t have her, I would live this life alone.”

 

            “Then what will you do? You cannot keep her at court as a constant reminder to taunt you. You must send her away. It will not lessen your love for her, but it would cause you less pain.”

 

            Kara shook her head, giving Alex a tight smile. “I could not bear to be parted from her again. I would suffer in silence every day just to be able to stumble across her in the hallways for a brief moment. I would be in pain no matter what, but at least this way I would have her by my side, to give her what little happiness I can. She has been lonely for far too long, and I would not see her denied of a friend who loves her because I harbor feelings for her.”

 

            “You are too honourable, sister,” Alex sighed.

 

            “Is that a bad thing?”

 

            Giving her sister a grim smile, Alex reached out and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I do not believe this world was made for honour.”

 

            Sighing, Kara climbed to her feet, her hands finding purchase on the rough bark of the roots as she muttered curses under her breath as hot pain coursed through her ribs. Alex scrambled up with her, and stood across from Kara, looking at her with concern before she pulled her into a careful hug. Relaxing into the loving embrace, Kara hugged her back before pulling back and giving her a reassuring smile. “We should return soon,” Alex told her and Kara grimaced, not ready to leave the peace and quiet the trees provided.

 

            “I would stay a little while longer yet,” Kara told her and Alex agreed without argument. Casting her gaze upwards, Alex walked over to the tree with a determined look on her face and started scrambling at the trunk for handholds. With amusement, Kara watched as Alex climbed up to the lowest branches and plucked an apple, tossing it down to Kara, who rubbed it on her shirt before taking a bite. Alex reached out and plucked another apple, using her tunic as a basket as she plucked another and another.

 

            Kara ate her apple as she watched Alex gathering the fresh fruits, itching to join her in the branches but knowing that she would tear open her stitches and receive a tongue lashing if she so much as tried to. She absentmindedly stood in the dappled sunlight that filtered down through the canopy, and laughed as Streaky decided to take a dip in the pool, splashing water everywhere. “That is a sound to lift spirits,” a voice said off to Kara’s right, and she quickly whirled around to face Lena, giving her a small smile.

 

            Maggie was stood next to her, the hood of her cloak pulled up as she stared intently at Kara. Feeling slightly uneasy at Maggie’s stare, Kara shifted slightly, unsure how long she had been standing there, for she knew that Maggie could’ve heard their entire conversation without being seen or heard. They stood there in silence for a few moments, which was shortly broken by a cry from Alex as she overbalanced and fell off the branch. Apples thudded to the ground and rolled in every direction, closely followed by Alex, who landed on the carpet of leaves with a dull thud. The three girls burst into laughter as Alex grumbled, rubbing at her elbow while she frowned. Picking up an apple, she threw it at Kara, who caught it with a laugh, and then she threw another which sailed past Kara’s head.

 

            “Thank you for the fruit, sister,” Kara laughed, taking a bite out of the apple as she tossed the core of the other one into the underbrush. Alex tossed another one at her with along with an insult, and Kara laughed as she caught that one too. With a growing smile, Alex tossed another one at her, and Kara caught it, balancing the three apples in her hands, giving Alex an exasperated look. “Do not even think-“

 

            Alex threw a fourth apple at her, and Kara caught it with a muttered curse, fumbling with the apples as she tried to balance them. With a sigh she juggled them slightly, and Alex threw another at her, which quickly joined the four that Kara juggled, laughing in delight. "Well sister, if you ever decide to step down from your throne, you’ll make an excellent entertainer.”

 

            “Oh would you shut up,” Kara grumbled, rolling her eyes. She glanced at Lena who was watching with an amused look on her face, and Kara stopped juggling, catching the apples awkwardly as she tried not to drop them. “We crossed paths with a travelling band of entertainers upon our travels and one of them taught me how to juggle. Since then, my sister finds it amusing to throw a number of things at me and watch me juggle them before they reach the floor.”

 

            “Remember the time with the eggs?” Alex chuckled with amusement as she climbed to her feet with an armful of apples.

 

            “Vividly,” Kara replied, giving her an unimpressed as Alex carried on laughing, walking towards the edge of the pool to pick up some more of her escaped apples. With an exasperated sigh, Kara gave her a quick shove, laughing as Alex overbalanced and fell into the pool with a big splash, her armful of apples going everywhere once more. The three of them laughed as they watched Alex resurface with a splutter of indignation as she splashed around in the water. Giving Lena a mischievous smile, Kara walked over and handed her an apple.

 

            The three of them stood there laughing as they watched a soaked Alex drag herself out of the water, glowering at them as she wrung out the bottom of her sodden cloak. “If you were not injured I would knock you on your ass,” Alex told Kara, muttering curses under her breath as her teeth chattered.

 

            “Apologies, sister,” Kara said, giving her a sheepish smile. “We should get you inside before you catch a chill.”

 

            “A chill!” Alex spluttered, “I am already chilled to my core! Have you _felt_ this water? You’re lucky I don’t throw you in myself.”

 

            “Do you hear that?” Kara asked Lena and Maggie, giving them an amused smile. “Threats towards her queen.”

 

            Alex stomped past them, shivering slightly as she ranted. “I’ll show you a threat, Kara Zor-El.”

 

            Maggie stooped down and plucked a couple of apples from the ground, before straightening up. “Alex! You forgot your apples.” The three of them burst into another round of laughter at the vulgar gesture Maggie gave them over her shoulder.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never proofread, but I'm sick and I think my mum overdosed me on children's medicine, so please excuse me if there's more mistakes than usual lmao

           “Kara!”

 

           Turning at the sound of her name being called, Kara’s face split into a wide smile at the sight of Lena approaching from the opposite end of the hallway. They weren’t alone in the hallway, and as soldier’s, servants and nobles bowed to Kara as they passed, they shot disapproving looks at Lena for her lack of formal respect for the queen. “Lena!”

 

           “Your Majesty,” Lillian said to Kara’s left, having just exited the council chambers after the meeting had finished.

 

           Kara turned to look at her, giving her a polite smile. “Lady Luthor.”

 

           “Daughter,” Lillian said as Lena drew closer.

 

           “Mother,” Lena stiffly replied.

 

           They all stood there for a moment in tense silence – mostly emanating from Lena and Lillian, almost as if they were ready to spring into attack at the slightest provocation. Clearing her throat slightly, Kara gave them both a wry smile, “well now that greetings are out of the way, may we proceed?”

 

           “Of course,” Lillian quickly replied, her eyes moving from her daughter’s face to Kara’s. “I wanted to pursue the matter of your coronation tour. I shall have one of the scholars find the weather records so that you may pick a suitable day to depart. When it is convenient for you I would have us meet to discuss the matter so that the council can make preparations.”

 

           “Thank you for your efforts, it is much appreciated. Whenever you are ready to meet, I would make myself available,” Kara told her.

 

           Dipping her head, Lillian glanced at Lena, hesitating slightly before giving Kara another respectful nod. “Your Majesty.” The two girls silently watched Lillian walk away without another word, and then Lena rounded on Kara, arching an eyebrow at her.

 

           “ _It is much appreciated?_ ” Lena echoed, and Kara shrugged slightly, turning around and walking down the hall as Lena fell into step with her.

 

           “She’s a council member, and Mistress of the Science Guild. You have your issues with her – and I do not side with her on them – but I cannot afford to offer insult towards those who are to help me run my country,” Kara said with a sigh. “ _But,_ if she so much as raised a hand to you she would find herself lacking any sort of position here.”

 

           Lena let out a quick laugh, a spark of delight in her eyes as she looked up at Kara. “I am almost tempted to goad her into anger, if only to see the look on her face when she is turned out from the castle.”

 

           Giving her a stern look, Kara removed her crown and her cloak, and made her way over to the nearest staircase. “May I ask if there was a reason for you to catch my attention?”

 

           “Am I not permitted to greet my friend?” Lena asked her, raising her eyebrows while the corners of her lips twitched into a small smile. Kara gave her a warm smile, reaching out to lay a quick hand on Lena’s forearm.

 

           “Of course you are,” Kara told her, “but I was hoping there was a cause for distraction. Although, you are a welcome distraction in itself.”

 

           Snorting with laughter, Lena rolled her eyes. “You flatter me. I was hoping that you would offer distraction to _me_.”

 

           “Is something the matter?” Kara asked, her voice full of concern as she quickly glanced at Lena, coming to a stop. Lena kept on walking, and Kara reached out to stop her, pulling her into the nearest shadowed corner for some privacy. “I would know if there is something bothering you.”

 

           “It is nothing,” Lena quickly assured her, her smile uneven as she tried to avoid looking Kara directly in the eye. “Jack is … well, he wishes for me to be happy.”

 

           “I am glad to hear that he cares for you in such a way. He is a lovely man, and I’ve come to like him in the few weeks he’s been guarding me,” Kara admitted, for it was true – she could find no fault with him. It almost made it worse in a way, because she couldn’t even hate him for loving the woman she loved, she could understand completely.

 

           Lena choked out a laugh, and a blush crept up her neck as she turned away from Kara. “He thinks my happiness will be brought through children to love.”

 

           “Ah,” Kara muttered, already regretting broaching the topic. She was a little flustered as she tried to think of a reply. “I-, uh, well di-did-, um, what do you think?”

 

           Giving her a pained smile, Lena urged them to keep walking, and Kara quickly fell into step beside her, looking at her expectantly. “I’m not, uh, sure if that is what I want for myself. I do not think I would be happy just from having a child; in fact, I believe it would have the opposite affect, to bear a child I do not want. Yet how can I deny him the one thing I am to give him? What use am I to him if I cannot give him an heir?”

 

           “A woman’s worth is not based on her ability to conceive,” Kara quickly told her, her voice softening as she spoke. “Nor is it her purpose. We are just unfortunate enough to have been born to a class that seems to think it so. My Aunt Astra has no children, yet she is the General of my armies, and has ruled our kingdom in my stead. No one has deemed her worthless for a lack of a child, and the same would go for you.”

 

           Lena was silent for a few moments as they climbed up another set of stairs. Eventually she looked at Kara, reaching out to touch her on the arm, and Kara’s stomach fluttered nervously at the casual familiarity of the touch. “I admire you for not giving in to everyone else’s desire for you to wed,” Lena quietly said. “I only wish I had fought harder for my own rights.”

 

           “Why didn’t you?” Kara asked, a curious look on her face as they walked down the hallway leading to Kara’s room. Shrugging, Lena ducked her head. Kara shot her a concerned look as she pushed opened the door to her room, gesturing for Lena to come inside and shutting it once Streaky slipped in after her. Kara took off her cloak and draped it over the back of a chair, setting her crown down on the table and walking over to the counter to pour them both some wine, before sitting down opposite Lena at the table.

 

           Murmuring her thanks as she accepted her wine, Lena ran her finger around the rim of the goblet, causing a faint high pitched sound to ring out. Kara waited patiently for her to say something, and after a few moments Lena looked up, slowly choosing her next words. “Do you ever think that you’ll find someone to love you?”

 

           Kara choked on her wine, spluttering slightly as she forced herself to swallow. Dabbing at her mouth with the back of her hand, her eyes widened in surprise; that wasn’t what she’d been expecting Lena to say next. Hesitating slightly, Kara gave her a sad smile. “No, I don’t think that I will.”

 

           “Neither did I,” Lena murmured, “and then Jack desired my hand, and I could not bear the thought of being alone, so in the end I gave in. Sometimes I think I was too hasty, and I made the decision based on the fact that I am bastard born … perhaps if I’d waited a few years I could’ve been with someone I loved too.”

 

           “The future is a mystery to us all,” Kara said with a sigh. “I do not know what may have happened if you had not wed, but I’m certain that there would’ve been someone else who would love you, for I can't imagine someone _not_ loving you … I do not know if you would’ve loved them back though. Love is a fickle thing, and I find that it is not always easy to love someone.”

 

           Lena raised her eyebrows slightly, “you speak as if you have felt such things.”

 

           A lump formed in Kara’s throat, and she took a sip of her wine to stop herself from stammering out a poor attempt to hide her feelings. Placing her cup down, Kara gave Lena a small smile. “I speak of my sister and her love for the ranger, Maggie. She was hurt by her at one point, unintentionally of course or I would not permit her to stay here, but Alex was deeply upset by the thought that Maggie did not return her affections. We travelled with Maggie for a few months, and it was not easy for Alex to be parted from her, but she was, because she had sworn to protect me, and that kept her from pursuing her heart’s desire. I fear that duty can a curse when it comes to love.”

 

           “You speak truly,” Lena muttered.

 

           Before Kara could reply, her door swung open and Alex let herself in, pausing when she saw Lena sat at the table. Backtracking slightly, Alex gave Kara a sharp look but gave Lena a polite smile. “Excuse me for the intrusion.”

 

           “Nonsense, sister, come and join us,” Kara said, waving aside Alex’s apologies and pulling a chair out for her. She seemed oblivious to the pointed look that Alex was giving her as she approached the table and sat down. “Where did you disappear to after the meeting?”

 

           “I was discussing the tournament with Lady Grant,” Alex said.

 

           Kara nodded, standing to fetch a cup of wine for Alex, who murmured her thanks as Kara presented it to her and took her seat. “What did she have to say on the matter?”

 

           “Everything seems to be in order,” Alex said, taking a drink as she smiled in amusement. “I do not think anything would be _allowed_ to go astray if it is under her charge.”

 

           “No, I do not believe so,” Kara laughed.

 

           “Do you intend to participate?” Lena asked them both, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

 

           Frowning, Kara lifted her cup and took a sip as brooded over the question. “I would like to fight in the melee, but it would not be sporting for me. I would crown the victor the person who would knock me off my feet, for I fear that none would have the courage to do it.”

 

           Alex laughed, giving Kara‘s shoulder a gentle shove. “Then I would gladly be the one to knock you on your ass, sister. Perhaps you’d fair better in the archery tournament? Maggie would beat you with her eyes closed and I doubt she would even think twice about it, for she would not diminish her skill just to please you.”

 

           “I don’t doubt it,” Kara said, letting out a quick laugh as she turned to look at Lena. “Are you considering partaking in the games?”

 

           Lena shrugged casually. “I had a mind to fight in the melee also, as well as the jousting. I can sit a horse better than most and my aim is true.”

 

           “The melee?” Alex said, smiling widely at her. “I hope we have the chance to cross blades.” Kara sighed heavily at the thought of the two of them fighting, and she wasn’t entirely sure who would win. Alex was skilled with a sword, and had training as an assassin as well as in the rough fighting pits, yet Lena had years of professional tutelage at the hands of some of the best soldier’s in the kingdom. She was sure it would be entertaining to watch at the very least.

 

           “Just so long as you don’t lop parts off each other, by all means, have at it,” Kara said, rolling her eyes.

 

           “Come now, sister, don’t be bitter. You know that even if someone would dare to strike you, you could still not fight or you would risk reopening your stitches,” Alex reminded her, and Kara pouted, a line forming between her eyebrows as she frowned. “Perhaps you would let me wear your favour, sister, so that everyone knows you have a good eye for your best fighter.”

 

           Kara snorted, giving her an amused look. “I don’t think Lois would approve of me giving Kal my favour in her place.”

 

           Pressing a hand to her heart, Alex gave her a look of mock offense, “you wound me, sister. You will rue the day that you did not show your support for me.”

 

           “We shall see a week hence, sister,” Kara said with a smile.

 

           "There will be many competitors," Lena mused as she lifted her goblet. "Not many returned to their homes after your coronation, and I fear that it shall be a long event before we get a champion. Although if your ranger participates, it is no secret who will take the champion's purse for archery. I should think it hopeless for anyone to even oppose her - you should save them the embarrassment and hand over her coin now."

 

           Alex let out a loud laugh, "I fear that this much praise would go to her head, although it is well deserved."

 

           "Indeed," Kara agreed, " _but_ , we shall have to wait and see what surprises the tournament has for the other events. I, for one, am excited to see how well the people serving my kingdom can fight. If I cannot fight myself, at least I can take some pleasure in watching others who are skilled at it."

 

           "If you desire to fight, why don't you?" Lena asked. "You're the queen; you may do as you please."

 

           Kara gave her a tight smile, thinking about all that she could not do  _because_ she was queen. To love someone was a sacred thing, and not for the first time since realising her feelings for Lena had Kara wished that she wasn't bound by her duty. She would give up her crown, her kingdom, her  _everything_ for Lena, but she knew that she would not be allowed to. She would have to suffer knowing that Lena was stuck in a marriage that she did not want to be in, and knowing that even if she wasn't, Kara would _still_ not be afforded the simple luxury of loving who she desired like those who were not of noble birth. Worse still, her honour would not even allow her to take Lena as a lover as those of noble birth did when required to produce and heir out of duty, but with no desire to present a farce of a marriage. She was stuck, and there was no out for her - none except the loneliness of a lifetime alone, for she could not bear the thought of someone else occupying the space beside her where Lena should be. Just to be near her would have to suffice, because Kara had come to the realisation that while she was the most powerful person in the kingdom, she could  _not_ do as she pleased. 

 

           "No, I may not."


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick question for everyone; do you prefer more frequent updates on one fic or more fics and less frequent updates?

           The excitement over the tournament was almost palpable in the air the day the event was to take place. Everyone in the castle was buzzing with anticipation of the events, and the past few days had been a flurry of activity as tents and stands were erected outside the city walls, for those who were not guests at the castle, armour was polished and weapons sharpened, horses were led up and down the long expanse of arena in the city to practice for the big day, and the kitchens were jam packed with all manner of cooks and servants as food was prepared. Even Lena seemed to be in higher spirits when Kara sought her out that morning in her rooms, despite her initial irritation.

 

           As Kara knocked on the door, she heard Lena permit her to enter and she slipped inside and took in the scene before her. Lena was dressed plainly in leggings and a shirt, with a small coat of chainmail worn over the top, and Jack was in the process of helping her into her steel breastplate, with little success. “You’re doing it wrong!” Lena snapped, and Jack let out a sigh. “How can you _not_ know how to put armour on?”

 

           “I have a squire, wife,” Jack said, fiddling with the straps.

 

           “Would you like some help?” Kara asked, and they both looked at her in surprise.

 

           Jack bowed to her, and Lena gave her a warm smile. “Kara! I had thought you a servant bringing us our breakfast. Forgive me.”

 

           “Sorry to disappoint,” Kara laughed, “although I see that I may be able to provide a service that a servant could not. Here.” She slowly crossed the room, and Jack backed away from his wife as Kara took his place. Trying not to let her hands linger too long, Kara buckled the leather straps on the sides, tugging the metal pieces into place. She reached for the spaulders on the table and quickly attached them to the shoulders of the breastplate and secured them around Lena’s upper arms, and then attached a gorget with beautifully engraved flowers etched into the steel. After lacing Lena’s flower etched vambraces to her forearms, Kara gave the front of her breastplate a quick tug to make sure it was secure, and her eyes flickered up to Lena’s intense gaze, and she smiled nervously, realizing how close their faces were. “I’ll leave you to finish the rest.

 

           Kara took a step backwards and Lena reached for her greaves, kneeling down to fit them to her shins. “Thank you.”

 

           “Not at all,” Kara waved away the thanks, and turned slightly to Jack. “Would you like some help with you own armour?”

 

           “I am not fighting today, Your Majesty,” he grimly replied. “I have drawn watch for today, along with Lord Schott.”

 

           Frowning, Kara grimaced at him. “Well I hardly think that is fair. By all mean, participate; there will be many eyes there today, and as many swords.”

 

           “Forgive me, Your Majesty, but that is the reason why I must stand guard at your side,” Jack said, “it brings me great honour to do so. I would not trade places with anyone for a few hours of lighthearted game.”

 

           “I’m pleased to hear you say so,” Kara said with a smile. “I should leave you to finish preparing for the tourney. I’ll see you at the grounds.”

 

           “Wait, Kara, you came here for something?” Lena asked, raising her eyebrows expectantly.

 

           Giving her a small smile, Kara nodded. “I came to wish you luck today, in case I do not see you before the melee begins.”

 

           Returning her smile, Lena dipped her head, “thank you.”

 

           Kara left without another word, returning to her chambers to dress in her fine clothes. The weather was starting to cool for the winter, and Kara donned a deep blue coat that fell to her shins over the top of her shirt and leggings. Hesitating for a moment, Kara reached for her scabbard and buckled the sword belt around her waist – Jack’s words about there being a lot of eyes made her feel a little uneasy about being out in the open with no weapons. She fetched her crown and slipped it on her head, the gold circlet coming to rest around her forehead.

 

           As she reached for her cloak, there was a knock on the door and she permitted the person on the other side to enter, turning to see who came in. Her face lit up in a smile when she saw that it was Astra, dressed in her armour and looking very dangerous – Kara hated to think about who would cross swords with her on the field. “Aunt, I thought you would already be scoping out the competitors,” Kara greeted her, swinging the heavy read cloak around her shoulders and fussing with the gold chain that strained cross her chest.

 

           “There are few that I believe could beat me, and as for those that _could_ , I have been keeping an eye on them for months. If your uncle had not left for the garrison at Fort Rozz last evening, I think I would have some competition, but fortunately fo me …” Astra told her, giving Kara a droll smile. She stooped to scratch Streaky as the wolf approached her, and smiled up at Kara. “Your pup grows still.”

 

           “She will soon be fully grown, and already is a fierce protector,” Kara said, smiling as her wolf padded towards her and nudged her muzzle into Kara’s hand. Scratching her along her snout, Kara looked back at Astra, who was giving her an odd look.

 

           Tilting her head to the side slightly, Astra approached and brushed out the sandy fur of the wolf mantle around Kara’s shoulder. “There was a time when I didn’t think I’d see your wear your father’s cloak or your mother’s crown.”

 

           Kara cleared her throat as she ducked her head in shame. “I think … there was a part of me that didn’t think I would too.” She glanced up at Astra, whose eyes widened in surprise at the confession. “A large part of me was given up the night you dropped me off at that temple … I was unsure if I would ever desire for it to return.”

 

           “I know what it is like to abandon your duty, for I did the same after a disagreement with your mother. Given the option to stay and serve, or banishment … I chose banishment.”

 

           “I never did understand why she would not permit you at court,” Kara said, frowning in confusion. “What matters did you disagree on?”

 

           Astra hesitated before she cupped Kara’s chin in her hand and gave her a grim smile, “you, little one.”

 

           “ _Me?”_ Kara exclaimed in surprise, “what for?”

 

           “I think … we should discuss this another time,” Astra slowly told her, “there is much you do not know about your parents, things you were too young to realize at the time. Perhaps once winter passes, and your coronation tour ends, we can discuss the matter in full.”

 

           Fighting back the urge to protest, Kara nodded. “Then it is time for my General to win the melee and show the people why you lead my armies.”

 

           “After you, little one.”

 

\---

 

           Kara was seated on a wooden throne atop the raised platform in the arena, flanked by Winn and Jack who flanked the throne and cast distrustful glances at everyone present. There were thousands of people packed into the arena, most of them nobles and soldier’s, but also common folk who were unencumbered by work and other duties. Kara was joined on her private platform by the rest of her council members, as well as her closest friends, most of whom were wearing their armour as they prepared to fight in the melee. She was laughing as she listened to Alex rile Lena up, who was trying hard not to rise to the bait.

 

           “Your Majesty, should we begin?” Cat asked, and Kara turned to look at her, giving her a quick nod. Cat gave a signal to a nearby soldier with a horn, and she let out a short blast of loud noise, and a hush fell over the grounds. “All competitors in the melee should now make their way to the fighting grounds,” Cat announced, and a flurry of activity ensued.

 

           Kara watched as Maggie tied a scrap of cloth around Alex’s arm, and she smiled at the small gesture of affection. Nearby, Kal received such an offer off Lois, who was to sit out the fight beside Kara, and James and Lucy exchanged favours with each other, and Lucy gave his shoulder a playful push as she made a quip about him losing. Brooding over the thought of not being able to compete, Kara’s mood turned even sourer as she watched Jack step towards Lena and tie a pie of cloth to her sword belt and press a kiss to her cheek as he wished her luck. Turning her gaze aside, Kara’s eyes landed on Astra, who was unstrapping her scabbard, drawing her sword and tossing the sheath aside. She took a few practice swings to loosen up her muscles, and there was a serious look on her face; she was here to win. “Aunt!” Kara called out to her, and everyone within earshot turned to look at Kara with interest. Drawing a small white handkerchief from her pocket, Kara rose to her feet, beckoning Astra to come closer. “I would have my General wear my favour in the melee.”

 

           Bowing with a fist clasped to her breast, Astra stayed obediently still as she let Kara tie the piece of cloth around her mailed arm. “You honour me, niece. I will do everything in my power to win in your name.”

 

           Giving her a nod and a small smile, Kara reseated herself and watched as everyone started to leave the platform. Lena was last to descend the steps, and before she could slip out of earshot, Kara called after her. “Lena! I would wish you luck also.”

 

           She received a small smile in return, and Lena dipped her head respectfully, “thank you, Your Majesty.”

 

           As soon as everyone was assembled on the huge expanse of sand, Kara rose from her throne again and walked to the top of the steps. She held up a hand for silence, and a hush descended over the crowd of onlookers as the fighter’s jostled each other for position on the field. “May the best fighter win,” Kara shouted, her voice ringing out loud and clear as she smiled. She locked eyes with Alex, giving her a supportive nod. “Begin.”

 

\---

 

           The fighting went on for hours, and there was much conversation on the platform as everyone commented on whichever fight held their attention. The beginning was messy as the fighter’s swarmed towards each other, the sound of metal meeting metal as weapons crossed and armour clanged. The fighting thinned out within a few minutes as the easy targets yielded or were knocked unconscious by the fierce competitors who were there for glory. Kara’s eyes sought of the people she was interested in, namely Lena, but also the others who she cared for. Alex had forgone a shield and fought with a sword in each hand, cutting a path through the fight as she knocked down every opponent she crossed paths with. Kal was holding his own against one of the daughter’s of the castle’s blacksmith; James was knocking down one of the son’s of a noble house, while nearby, Lucy cut down a hulking figure twice the size of her.

 

           It wasn’t hard for Kara to spot Lena, even though the shining steel of her armour and her dark hair made her indistinguishable from everyone else. She just seemed radiant as crossed swords with anyone she came upon, cutting them down with a skill to rival the best fighter’s on the field. There was a furious beauty to her as she frowned, her braided her whipping around her as she fought with dangerous skill, and Kara could picture the way her green eyes would glint with determination as someone else engaged her in combat. “Your daughter fights with great skill, Lady Lillian,” Kara said, not taking her eyes off Lena.

 

           “Indeed. A skill she has spent many years honing, much to my dismay,” Lillian sighed.

 

           Kara turned away to raise her eyebrows at Lillian. “Dismay? I would imagine such a skill would be a cause for pride and boasting. Especially when coupled with her intelligence, kindness and beauty. The gods have truly blessed your daughter with many gifts.”

 

           Lillian hesitated for a moment, before nodding, her eyes seeking out Lena on the field. “Indeed, they have.”

 

           With some satisfaction, Kara turned her attention back to the fight, watching as Astra took on two girls with ease. She almost pitied them having to go up against her, for Kara could remember the tournaments when she was younger, and it seemed that her aunt’s skill with a blade hadn’t diminished in her absence from court.

 

           From the comfort of the platform, Kara watched on as the field thinned even more, drinking wine and eating from the plates piled high with food prepared for the guests. Soon there were only the skilled fighters left – the ones with dumb luck had been weeded out – and the fighting became more of a practiced dance as everyone faced off against each other with the practiced ease of learned techniques. Everyone except for Alex. She had learnt the ways of an assassin, and then they brawling, dishonourable fighting of the pits beneath Xan City. While the nobles and the soldiers faced off in a proper fashion, unwilling to deal dirty blows, Alex was a force to be reckoned with as she slammed shoulders with her opponents, dragging them down to the muddy ground as she fought with her fists as much as her swords. Kara watched with amusement as opponent after opponent was felled by her silent and deadly fury; none could stand against her because she’d fought to survive, and they had learnt to fight because it had been expected of them. Yet she still had fierce opposition before her, and by the look on her sister’s face, Alex relished it.

 

           It was another hour before before the final competitor’s stood, covered in mud and lurching unsteadily on their feet as they fought. They must’ve been exhausted by that point, the swords and axes heavy in their leaden arms as they scrounged up enough strength to raise it again and again. In the end, only eight of them remained; Alex, Astra, Lena, Kal, James, and Lucy, as well as Lucy’s father and a woman with white hair called Leslie who bore a lightening bolt on the blue painted wooden shield she carried. Astra quickly took down Lord Lane, while Alex took down Leslie. Lena took on Lucy, which left Kal and James. Kara let out a laugh of delight as she watched Alex and Astra size each other up, before they turned away from each other and engaged the other fighters in contest.

 

           As Lena took down Lucy, she turned was met by Alex, and Kara was on the edge of her seat as she watched with raptured attention. Kal defeated James, and soon enough it was just the four of them left. Alex and Lena were both exhausted, and Lena had the added weight of a shield, as opposed to Alex’s lighter second sword, and each blow she warded off with her shield made it harder for her to lift it again. She held her own well though, and when Alex slipped on a patch of muddied grass, falling to her stomach and losing her swords, Lena hesitated as she raised her sword, her honour stopping her from taking advantage of a defenseless opponent. Alex scrambled forward on her hands and knees, quickly finding one of her swords and slashing at Lena’s legs. She was back on her feet in an instant, and a moment later she had her sword at Lena’s throat. Nodding stiffly, Lena knocked Alex’s sword aside with her own and sheathed her own as she made her way off the field. Kara was applauding her as she climbed the platform and let her shield fall off her arm, a dissatisfied frown on her face as she approached Kara and bowed respectfully.

 

           “You fought well, my friend,” Kara told her with a smile. “With honour and great skill.”

 

           “As does your sister, much to my dismay,” Lena replied her with a grim smile.

 

           Kara laughed, resting a hand on Lena’s arm, “perhaps a little less honour than you though, for I do not think she would have steadied her hand if you had lost your weapon. Forgive her, she has always fought for her life, and mine, and not for honour or glory.”

 

           “Then if it were a real fight, I would be dead,” Lena said. “I would do well to remember not to show mercy to my opponent. She has been a worthy competitor, none the less.”

 

           “I’m sure she would say the same for you,” Kara assured her, trying to sooth Lena’s wounded pride. She climbed to her feet and walked over to the table spread with food and drink, refilling her goblet and pouring one for Lena too. “Come, drink with me. A toast to your excellent skill.”

 

           Lena raised her goblet slightly and Kara clinked her cup against it before they drank. There was dirt caught in the engraved flowers on Lena’s gorget, and Kara fought back the urge to reach out and brush some of it away. “Oh Rao, here we go,” Lena muttered, and Kara looked up to see Lillian approaching.

 

           She stopped next to them, and busied herself with pouring some wine into her cup. “You need to strengthen your shield arm, daughter, you let it slip too low.”

 

           “Really? I had not realized,” Lena snarkily replied, draining her cup and refilling it again.

 

           “No matter how skilled we are, there is always someone better, wouldn’t you agree, Lady Lillian?” Kara asked, giving her a sweet smile, before turning her attention back to the fight, watching as Kal fought off an attack from both Alex _and_ Astra. “For I would think myself a skilled fighter, yet I am not confident in my ability to match your daughter. I would also think myself a scientifically minded woman, yet I don’t doubt that you know more than I.”

 

           Lillian gave her a sharp smile, “I would not presume to think myself above you, Your Majesty.”

 

           “Nevertheless, it is true, and I am not ashamed to admit it,” Kara told her, “if we were born all-knowing, then we would not be humans, we would be gods. Alas, we are all flawed, and that is how we learn. I find it … refreshing.”

 

           Kal fell into the dirt, and no sooner had Astra pressed the tip of her sword to his throat did she spin around, her sword meeting Alex’s as the pressed advantage. Leaving Kal to scramble out of the way, the two women faced off in the middle of the field – they were the only two competitors left. They broke apart, circling each other while the crowd cheered them on, and Kara spared Kal a quick smile as he walked up the steps. “Well fought, cousin.”

 

           “Thank you, Your Majesty,” Kal said, giving her a tired smile as he caught his breath. “I should like to believe that I tried my best, but I fear that there is none that can best General In-Ze.”

 

           “We are about to see, my love,” Lois said, approaching her husband and wiping away the mud on his cheek to plant a proud kiss upon it.

 

           Everyone turned their attention to the fight, watching as Alex lunged forward, swinging one sword wildly while she stabbed with the other. Astra hefted her shield, putting the weight of her shoulder behind it as she caught the wide swing on it, the sword gouging a deep cut into it and sticking. Alex stumbled forward as the sword was yanked out of her grip, and she smiled widely as she switched her remaining sword to her dominant hand. Kara watched as Astra pushed Alex back, and she bit back a smile as she watched her sister grab hold of the shield and twist it, forcing Astra to let it go if she didn’t want to risk a broken arm. On equal footing, they both squared off with a sword each, and then Astra lunged at Alex, forcing her to yield some of her ground as they fended off each other’s attacks. A heavy-handed blow off Astra knocked Alex’s sword out of her hand, and Kara took a step towards the edge of the platform, and burst out laughing as Alex cast a look at her abandoned sword, shrugged, and threw herself at Astra. Straddling her in the mud, Alex got in a quick bunch to Astra’s face, before she roughly grabbed by the front of her breastplate and shoved off her.

 

           “I believe it’s descended into wrestling match,” Lucy laughed with delight, watching as the two women fought in the mud. They both struggled to their feet, empty handed and smiling at the prospect of a good fight. It was almost five minutes of punches, flips and kicks before Astra’s hand managed to wrap around the hilt of an abandoned sword and she had it pressed to Alex’s throat. The latter was straddling Astra’s waist, breathing heavily as she stared down the length of the sharp edged sword. She nodded, climbing to her feet and reaching down to help pull Astra to her feet.

 

           Kara smiled widely as the crowd burst into cheers and Alex and Astra made their way towards the platform, after reaching down to pluck their weapons off the ground. “Well fought – both of you. That was quite the display,” Kara applauded them both as she gave them a wide smile.

 

           “It was a good fight,” Astra said, dipping her head to Alex.

 

           Alex smiled as she returned the nod, “indeed. I am honoured to have fought against such a worthy opponent. Perhaps the next time our swords cross, I will be more fortunate in my luck.”

 

           Kara laughed, giving her sister a congratulatory hug, and then her aunt, before she held a hand up to silence the crowd. “Our champion has triumphed!” Kara proclaimed, gesturing to Astra, and the crowd took up its cheers and thundering applause. “Kneel, aunt, so that I may crown you the champion for the day.”

 

           Astra obliging knelt, bowing her head as Kara beckoned a servant carrying a small pillow forward. On it was a small golden circlet, and Kara picked it up and placed it around Astra’s brow, before drawing her back up to her feet and presenting her to the crowd.

 

\---

 

           The castle was packed as everyone swarmed back towards it in anticipation of the feast and entertainment waiting for them – and hot baths and clean clothes for the muddy and sweat-soaked warriors. Everyone was in high spirits as they rode back towards the castle, even if a few were disappointed, and they were soon making their way in through the front doors of the castle and Kara proclaimed the feast begun, tossing some food into a brazier for the gods before she excused herself and made her way up to her room.

 

           The hallways were filled with nobles clad in armour as they made their way to their rooms to change for the feast, and Kara congratulated many of them on their fighting as she passed. Once inside her chambers, she removed her sword and set it carefully aside, giving herself a few minutes of peace and quiet before she would spend the rest of her night enjoying the feast. She waited until the distant noise of guests in adjacent hallways lessened, and then she slipped back out into the hallway, throwing her shoulders back and straightening up as she walked down the hallway. Kara didn’t get very far, for as she rounded the corner, Lena was just about to enter her room, and she quickly looked up as Kara stumbled upon her.

 

           “I thought you’d be in the bathing rooms by now, so that you could rush to the feast. You must be starving after so much fighting,” Kara said as she approached.

 

           Lena sighed heavily as she gave Kara a grim smile, “unfortunately so is everyone else, and I’m afraid there’s quite a queue at the bathing rooms.” She walked into her room and Kara slipped inside after her, shutting the door behind her.

 

           “You may use my private pool, if you desire it,” Kara offered, and Lena raised her eyebrows slightly.

 

           “A generous offer,” Lena said, awkwardly reaching for the straps of her armour, “thank you.”

 

           Kara smiled softly, taking a step towards her. “Here let me.” She gently brushed Lena’s hands away and worked the straps free, pulling the dirty pieces of armour off her and carefully setting them aside. “You fought very well today.”

 

           “Thank you,” Lena murmured, her voice quiet as she watched Kara fiddle with her gorget. Kara made the mistake of glancing up at her, and Lena was staring at her so intensely that she quickly ducked her head, feeling a flush creep into her cheeks. “I would like to take you up on your offer to spar sometime.”

 

           “Of course,” Kara murmured, keeping her head down as she unlaced one of Lena’s vambraces, holding her hand gently in one hand while the other worked at the laces. Her conversation with Alex came back to her, as well as the countless arguments with the council about her marrying. Kara felt as if she was caught between a hammer and an anvil, and either way she would be crushed. She slid off the vambrace and Lena reached out to take Kara’s hand in her own, causing Kara to quickly look up at her. “Are you well, Kara? You seem distracted.”

 

           “I’m fine,” Kara told her, giving her what she hoped was a reassuring smile. “I just have a lot weighing on my mind. It was nice to enjoy myself for a few hours.”

 

           Lena gave her hand a gentle squeeze, “anything I can help you with?”

 

           Kara bit back a hysterical laugh at the prospect of Lena helping her with her problem of not being able to pursue her feelings for Lena, and wryly thought about what would happen if Lena knew. “It’s nothing of consequence,” Kara lied, and turned her attention back to the vambraces.

 

           They were both silent as Kara removed the rest of her armour for her, and she gave Lena a warm smile when she finished. “I shall see you downstairs.”

 

           “Thank you, Kara,” Lena said, and Kara nodded to her before taking her leave.

 

           She made her way back down to the hall where the feast was well underway, and everyone bowed to her or murmured their respects as she walked down the centre of the vast room, taking her seat on the throne at the high table. Alex cast her a questioning look and Kara ignored her as she piled food onto her plate and fed a few pieces of meat to Streaky, who happily sank her teeth into it.

 

           Turning her attention to her guests, Kara was content to make small talk and discuss the skill of many of the people present. She was aware of Lena slipping into the room not too long later, her hair slightly damp as it waved down her back and clad in a green dress. Jack was close behind her, and they took their seat at the end nearer to the high table, and as Kara caught their eye, she raised her cup in a toast.

 

           She fought back the urge to abandon the high table and sit next to Lena so that they could talk and laugh all night, but she knew that such a gesture would not go unnoticed, and she couldn’t risk showing Lena too much favour. Yet, as soon as Lena finished eating, Kara saw a look of anger cross her face as she spoke to Jack, clearly keeping their voices low so that no one would notice that they were arguing. With a furious look on her face, Lena rose from the bench, the skirts of her dress swishing around her legs as she briskly strode out of the hall. Kara was on her feet instantly, pardoning herself with the excuse that she was going into the throne room to join the dancing and entertainers. Rushing from the room as swiftly as she could, Kara came out into the hallway and cast her eyes around as she tried to determine which way Lena had gone.

 

           “Kara,” Alex sharply called her from behind, and she whirled around to look at her sister with surprise.

 

           “Alex,” Kara said, her eyebrows rising expectantly.

 

           “You must stop this, Kara,” Alex gently told her, and Kara frowned slightly. “You cannot go rushing after her at the slightest sign of her hurting. There are many eyes here tonight, sister, you cannot just leave to go in search of her. She is your friend, and you love her deeply, I know that … but you must be careful, and I fear that you are not. How often I catch you looking to her to make sure she is laughing at a joke you have made, or staring at her with open adoration. It is a wonder that the entire castle doesn’t know by now.”

 

           Kara scowled at Alex, crossing her arms over her chest. “I do not care what others think; I will do as I please, and if there is anything I can do to comfort her, I will. Tell me that you would not do the same for Maggie.”

 

           Alex opened and closed her mouth, knowing that it would be a lie to say that she would not. “Th-that’s different,” Alex argued, and Kara let out a snort of laughter.

 

           “The only difference, sister, is that I was born to privilege and you were not. If it weren’t for that, I would be free to pursue her, as you are free to pursue Maggie,” Kara huffed, her frustration rising.

 

           “Would you not have me pursue her?” Alex asked, her eyebrows rising slightly.

 

           “You know that is not what I mean!” Kara snapped. “I gave her position here to make you happy. I would cut out my own heart and offer it to you if it would please you; you are my sister, and you are everything to me.”

 

           Alex’s mouth was a grim line as she stared at Kara. “Not everything – I am not her. Go on then … go after her. She will break your heart, Kara Zor-El, and more the fool you for letting her.”

 

           Kara spluttered indignantly as Alex turned her back on her and stalked back into the great hall. Blinking back angry tears, Kara stood in the shadows of the hallway, tossing between returning to the feast or seeking out Lena, and even though she knew Alex’s words rang true, she set off down the hallway in search of her.

 

           It was almost fifteen minutes before Kara considered giving up. She couldn’t find Lena anywhere, and her frustration was growing, partly because of her argument with Alex, but also because she couldn’t deny the truth to her words, and it hurt Kara to think that the love she bore Lena would pain her in such a way. Love was supposed to make you feel good, not sick with worry, and heavy of heart. In the back corner of the castle, Kara leant back against the wall, sighing as she closed her eyes. A faint chill swept over her and the wind seemed to caress her face as she opened her eyes, smiling slightly as she took in the open door. She knew where Lena was.

 

           The godswood was dark, and Kara muttered curses as she picked her way over twigs and rocks hidden in the blackness of the night. Kara’s senses were keen in the dark, but she knew that Lena’s would not be, so she couldn’t have gone far. “Lena,” Kara quietly called, listening for the sound of a reply.

 

           There was a slight rustling sound, and a pale face peeked out from behind the bottom of a tree, and Kara glanced down. Drawing closer, Kara looked down at Lena sat in a hollow in the roots of a great oak tree, her knees pulled up to her chest as she shivered slightly. “Kara, you should be inside,” Lena murmured.

 

           “I saw you leave; you looked upset,” Kara told her. “Do you mind if I join you?”

 

           Lena shifted over slightly, making a little more room for Kara as she sat down. The royal cloak that Kara wore was huge, and she gently wrapped some of it around Lena’s shoulders to still her shivering, and Lena gave her a small smile. “No one but the monarch is supposed to wear this, you know,” Lena murmured, running her hand over the fur mantle.

 

           “I know,” Kara murmured. They both fell into companionable silence for a moment, until Kara turned her head to look at Lena. She was impossibly close, and Kara’s mouth felt dry as she looked at Lena. In the weak moonlight that filtered through the canopy, she could see a dark smudge on Lena’s cheekbone; the beginnings of a bruise won in her fighting. “May I ask what troubles you?”

 

           “I am sulking,” Lena stated matter of factly, jutting her chin forward stubbornly. “Jack has _forbidden_ me from entering the joust tomorrow. Apparently the bruises I received today are unsightly and straining my body will not make it easy for me to bear children for him. He is starting to think that there is an issue with me, and that is why he does not yet have an heir, and he is trying to treat me as if I’m a newborn fawn that cannot defend itself.”

 

           Kara pressed her lips together in a hard line as she picked her words carefully. “I am your queen, and if you desire to joust, then you shall joust. Whatever you wish for yourself, you may have it, and if that is a life without children, then no one can force you to bear them. The fault is not with you, Lena. I care not for what is _expected_ of us; I have had enough of that excuse. Speak freely of that which you desire and that which you do not, and I would see it yours.”

 

           “You are a better friend than I could have asked for,” Lena murmured, her hand gently resting on Kara’s leg as she rested her head on her shoulder. “Now, tell me of your troubles.”

 

           “They are nothing to-“

 

           “Yes, they are something to bother me with,” Lena quietly but firmly protested. “I would see you comforted too, for you are clearly upset.”

 

           Kara laughed quietly, “a disagreement between sisters is all. It is but a trifling thing, and harsh words will have faded from though by the rising of the sun. We are just both stubborn, and while I fill my head with fanciful thoughts, she remains firmly planted on the ground. It is a quality I admire most in her, yet it can be the bane of my existence when we butt heads.”

 

           “You love her very much,” Lena pointed out, and Kara smiled.

 

           “I do.”

 

           “I would see you find someone else to love too.”

 

           Kara shot her a quick look, feeling as if her heart was being squeezed, for it pained her to hear Lena say such words. “Would you?”

 

           Lena hesitated slightly, before turning to look at Kara. “I would see nothing but the best for you.”

 

           “And what if the best isn’t what we can have?”

 

           “You are the queen – take it,” Lena simply told her.

 

           Laughing, Kara climbed to her feet and reached down to pull Lena to hers. “I fear that it is not that simple – no matter how much I would wish it.”

 

           “Jack always says that things are always simple, it is just having the mind to find the right solution,” Lena said.

 

           Kara gave her a small smile, tilting her head to the side while she stared at Lena. “Then I fear that he is wrong on two accounts.”

 

           “Oh? And what would the other wrong be?”

 

           Reaching out, Kara quickly tilted Lena’s chin up as she smiled, her eyes crinkling slightly at the corners as she took in Lena’s regal posture. “You could never be unsightly.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! (Almost) daily updates will go ahead as per usual. I wasn't sure if having the same story update daily was a bit much, especially bc I think this might get super long, but if you're happy then I'll keep at it.

           The door opened and Kara looked away from the fire that she had been entranced by, watching as Alex walked over to her and gave her a stiff bow. “You summoned me, Your Majesty.”

 

           “Alex,” Kara sighed, running a hand through her hair as she gave her sister an exasperated look. “You know that I would never _summon_ you – I only asked that you come and see me.”

 

           “And you are my _queen_ , so here I am,” Alex said.

 

           Picking up her tea, Kara sank back into her seat, waving a hand at the chair opposite her. Alex poured herself some tea and sat down before the fire, giving Kara an expectant look. “I regret our harsh words last night, I would apologise.”

 

           They fell into silence for a moment, and Alex raised her eyebrows, “was that the apology?”

 

           Giving her sister a look of annoyance, Kara huffed as she placed a hand over her heart and ducked her head slightly. “Forgive me, sister.”

 

           “I too spoke harshly, even if it was truly, and I would apologise for my tone. Whatever else you are, you are my queen first.”

 

           “No, I am your sister first, and I would have you speak your mind regardless of my feelings,” Kara corrected her, and Alex gave her a small smile. “That does not mean I was not hurt by your words though, for they weighed heavily on my mind all last night.”

 

           Alex gave her a regretful look, fiddling with her cup of tea, “I did not speak out of unkindness, only out of worry and concern for you. I fear that you are going to get your heart broken.”

 

           “I know,” Kara murmured, “but I know my own mind, Alex, and I know my own heart. I cannot give her up, and if that means that I am tormented everyday by her presence, then it is a welcome pain.”

 

           “But you cannot-“

 

           “See, that’s the thing,” Kara laughed, “last night she told me to take whatever I want, because I’m the queen. Yet you, you would tell me what I cannot do. I am torn between whose council I should take. Hers is the one I want to take, of course, but yours is more realistic and, as always, I need you to keep me grounded.”

 

           Alex climbed to her feet, exhaling sharply as she went to fetch more tea for herself. Breakfast had already been brought up for Kara, and Alex helped herself to an apple, standing with her back to Kara as she toyed with it. “There is a difference between her reckless agreement to whatever you want, and my careful warnings,” Alex told her, “for she does not know of what she encourages.”

 

           “I _know_ that, and I would not pursue her anyway,” Kara huffed, “I’m not as foolish as you think, sister. I know that no matter what, I cannot pursue her, and so I seek comfort in her friendship.”

 

           “You will not be content with a consolation prize,” Alex gently told her, and Kara frowned as she clenched her jaw.

 

           “Her friendship is _not_ a consolation prize; it is more precious to me than anything,” Kara stiffly replied, and Alex sighed. “I know that she does not return my feelings, or if she does, she is also smart enough to keep them to herself. In some ways I think it would be for the best that she doesn’t return them, for if she loved me in return, I think that I would not be able to stop myself from making the biggest mistake I could make. I’m not naïve enough to _not_ realize that if I were to proclaim my love for her, things would descend into chaos. There would be a war, and at the forefront would be her _husband_. Whichever way I look at this there is no hope … so if I am able to take small comfort in pursuing her out of pure intentions, to make sure she’s safe and happy and loved, then I _will_.”

 

           “Kara-“

 

           They were interrupted by the sound of the door opening, and Eliza walked in was a wicker basket held under one arm. Her eyebrows rose at the palpable tension in the room as Alex stood with her arms crossed and Kara looked as if she was about to leap out of her chair. Realising her stiff posture, Kara relaxed back into her chair, giving Eliza a warm smile. “And what, may I ask, is causing such anger so early in the morning?”

 

           “Nothing, mother,” Kara sighed.

 

           Alex shot her a sharp look, before turning to Eliza. “Matters of love.”

 

           “Ah, of course. I don’t believe that there is anything else that could come between you,” Eliza murmured, and she smiled at the look of annoyance Kara gave Alex. “Daughter, do not be angry with your sister for her honesty, for I would know of such matters.”

 

           “There are no matters to talk of,” Kara quickly assured her, ignoring Alex’s snort of laughter.

 

           Eliza walked over to her side, brushing Kara’s hair out of her face and pressing a kiss to her forehead. “There are many kinds of love, and none of them are easy. Now, you asked that I remove your stitches?”

 

           Kara nodded, standing to raise her shirt over her head. They had been in for a little over a week now, and the wounds were three red lines trailing from ribs to hips. Eliza poked at the cuts, pulling gently as she tried to determine whether or not she should remove the stitches. “I will remove them, but only if you promise me that for the next week you will be the laziest queen the kingdom has ever had,” she told Kara, giving her a warm smile.

 

           “I promise,” Kara said with a sigh, and Eliza picked up a small knife and carefully cut the thread. It was slow process, and none of them said anything as Eliza worked, but Kara could feel the tension growing between her and Alex. Snipping the last stitch, Eliza set down the knife and applied a quick salve to the claw marks, before climbing to her feet and sitting down next to Alex.

 

           “Now, tell me what has caused this problem.”

 

           “Alex is … _concerned_ about my friendship with Lena,” Kara admitted, “she believes that I favour her too much.”

 

           Alex opened her mouth to protest, for that was not the reason for her concern, but she quickly shut it as she realized that she couldn’t start spreading the truth about Kara’s feelings for Lena – not even to her own mother. “It will not do well to be so … open,” Alex stiffly replied. “People will seek to manipulate you if they realize that they can use her to get to you.”

 

           “And would you have me isolate myself from everyone I care about? From you? Our mother? My aunt?” Kara quickly replied. “I am not as naïve as you might think, and you _know_ how strong-willed I am. I appreciate your concern greatly, sister, but I will not let people use me. My kingdom comes before all else, and I would sacrifice anything for the good of the realm.”

 

           “If you say so,” Alex said, climbing to her feet. “If you’ll excuse me, I must get ready for the joust.”

 

           Kara quickly climbed to her feet, taking a step towards Alex. “Wait. Sister, I would not have you leave here in annoyance, I wish only for things to be well between us.”

 

           Sighing, Alex gave her a small smile, taking a step forward and reaching out to give Kara’s shoulder a quick squeeze. “Things will always be well between us … even if you’re a pain sometimes.”

 

           Kara laughed, throwing her arms around Alex in a big hug. “Careful! No overexerting yourself for a week!” Eliza scolded Kara, who gave Alex a quick squeeze before letting go.

 

           “Of course, mother,” Kara said, giving her a sweet smile. “Now, the tournament.”

 

\---

 

           The archery competition had been first, and there were a large number of common folk present in that one, for they were accustomed to using bows to hunt game. It was the most fairly matched competition between the different classes, and Kara’s soldier’s and the nobility were given a run for their money. Even Maggie reined in her skills for the first few rounds, making the competition more challenging for herself. Eventually she reigned champion of the archery though, hitting the bullseye at three hundred paces with no competition. Kara placed a gold circlet around her head and proclaimed her the winner, and she had a seat of honour at Kara’s right hand to watch the joust.

 

           There were less of her friends competing in the joust than in the melee, and so she had more company to enjoy the competition. Alex, Lena, Kal, James and Lucy all took to the field once Kara proclaimed the jousting begun, and she offered Alex her favour, alongside Maggie’s, as a small peace offering after their quarrel. Kara had been pleased to see Lena dressed in her armour when she had seen her in the courtyard that morning, and she was excited to see her ride.

 

           It was a long day of riding – far longer than the melee had been yesterday – but the excitement grew with each joust as a competitor was knocked out and another moved closer to the final. Kara had been looking forward to seeing Lena ride, and she was not disappointed as she took in the small figure charging down the sand on her black stallion. She sat a horse well, and her aim was true, and Kara cheered her on whenever she took to the track. She was not the only one to pick a favourite in each match, and many coins exchanged hands around her as people placed bets on each fight, and made predictions about who would reach the final.

 

           To her delight, Lena and Alex were to face each other again, after Alex had ridden down a woman called Vasquez, and Lena a woman called Alana. They had both placed high already, as the tournament was soon to be nearing its end, and Kara was excited to see which one of them would advance to the quarter finals. Leaning forward slightly in her seat, Kara watched with interest as the two of them took to the sand. They both missed each other the first time, thundering past as their horses kicked up sand and they tried to rein them in and keep hold of their lances. Reeling around, they faced each other again, and Kara could imagine the look in the two women’s eyes behind their helmets as they got ready to charge again. The next time there was a sound of splintering wood as it struck metal, and Alex barely managed to stay in the saddle as tried to regain her balance. Cheering Lena on, Kara smiled as she watched Alex give her a respectful bow and remove herself from the arena so that the next competitors could have at it.

 

           In the end, the last two jousters were Lena and Kal, and Kara indulged herself in a small bet with Alex that Lena would win. The entire stadium cheered them on as they galloped towards each other and Kara held her breath as she watched, silently urging Lena on. Her eyes widened as she watched Kal’s lance hit its mark with the force of his weight behind it, as well as the massive war horse’s speed. Lena was flung backwards out of her saddle, and she landed on her back as her horse kept on rushing forward. Kara was on her feet in an instant, walking towards the steps to see if she was okay, but a quick jerk on her cloak pulled her back slightly.

 

           “I know you did not care for my words last night, but do _not_ go to her, Kara,” Alex’s low voice came from behind her. “She is already getting up.” She spoke truly, and as Kara watched, Lena climbed to her feet unsteadily, and Kal was already dismounting to help her up. Batting aside Alex’s hand, Kara held up a hand to silence the crowd, plastering a bright smile on her face.

 

           “We have a victor! Well done cousin, you have honoured the House of El,” Kara exclaimed as Kal guided Lena towards the platform. “And Lady Spheer, you rode with much skill; you should be proud.” They both knelt before Kara and removed their helms, and she bid them to rise, but not before she settled a golden circlet around Kal’s forehead. All the while, Kara was casting concerned glances at Lena, checking to make sure she was okay. It had been a hard fall, and Kal had apologized for it as everyone crowded around Lena to make sure she was okay. Sure that she could walk, they all made their way out of the arena, and Kara slowed her pace so that she could be slightly ahead of Lena.

 

           Shrugging off Jack’s overbearing touch, Lena rolled her eyes. “I am fine, husband. I’m not a fragile flower to crumble at the slightest touch.”

 

           “I told you not to ride,” Jack said in a low voice, sounding peeved at the fact that Lena hadn’t listened to him.

 

           Turning around, Kara gave Lena a warm smile. “You rode well today, my friend, as I expected you would. Silver place was well earned.”

 

           “You were a worthy opponent, and I was impressed by your skill,” Alex said, and Kara was as surprised by the compliment as Lena. “It seems that we are both superior to the other in one way or another, yet there is still stiff competition ahead of us.”

 

           “A cause to keep practicing,” Lena said, giving her a small smile.

 

           Kara let out a loud laugh, her eyes crinkling slightly at the corners as she turned to look at them both. “I am afraid that if I leave you two alone I should find you scaling the side of the castle to prove who is the better climber. Such rivalry will get you hurt.”

 

           “Well I have to find _someone_ I can compete against now that you’re queen. Besides, I already know what I can beat you at, and it’s … refreshing to have someone else to beat,” Alex said, giving them both a cocky smile.

 

           “The score stands even between us,” Lena reminded her, a glint in her eye at the prospect of a challenge. “Perhaps we should settle the winner once and for all.”

 

           “Pick your match,” Alex told her, and Kara let out a loud groan.

 

           “No! No more competitions. We’re to go on my coronation tour in a few week’s time, and I would have the two of you unharmed and intact.”

 

           Alex gave Kara a glum look, but Lena just turned to her and smiled. “Knife throwing.” Kara let out another loud groan, shaking her head as she hoisted herself up onto her horse. With any luck, they would all make it through the feast tonight unscathed.

 

\---

 

           The hem of her dress slithered over the stone floor as she made her way into the private dining room, and a figure by the fire turned to look at her upon her entrance. “Mother.”

 

           “My son,” Rhea said, “we have had news from Krypton. It would seem that Alexander Luthor failed in his duties and fell at the Kryptonian bitch’s hands.”

 

           “Does father know?” Mon-El asked, swirling the wine in his glass as he stared into the fire.

 

           “No, our plans still remain secret. We shall yet have our revenge though,” Rhea assured her son. Mon-El drained his cup and looked up at her, the lines of his face hardening as he clenched his jaw.

 

           “How? Two assassination attempts have been thwarted, and father talks of _peace_ ,” Mon-El bitterly said. “He would let his own son be shamed by that foreign whore and do nothing to right the wrongs done to us.”

 

           Rhea walked towards him, cupping her son’s face in her hands as she gave him a sharp smile. “I fear that the time for assassins is over. We have other eyes still within the Kryptonian court, we shall be able to plan our attack accordingly. As for your father … I shall see to him.”

 

           Mon-El frowned slightly as he watched his mother turn and leave, pausing to cut a piece of cheese off the chunk on the platter, keeping the knife clutched in her hand as she left the room. The sound of her determined footsteps echoed off the stone walls as she walked through the dark castle, and servants quickly stepped aside and bowed to her as she passed. There was a determined look in her eyes, and her face was a cold mask of indifference as she made her way through the warren of corridors.

 

           Lar Gand was watching the stars from the highest balcony of the castle, and he turned as he heard footsteps approaching. His face softened as he took in the sight of his wife, but a small frown appeared between his eyebrows as he took in the stony look on Rhea’s face. “Wife-“ Without hesitation, Rhea slit his throat with the cheese knife, and Lar Gand’s words were cut off as he choked on his own blood. Rhea watched him clutch at his throat, his hands staining red with his blood as he made gurgling noises and stared at her with wide eyes. Her face was expressionless, and she dropped the knife to the ground and watched as the king of Daxam fell to the ground, dying in a pool of his own blood.


	17. Chapter 17

           Kara was sat at her desk, reading over the reports that her council members and other important figures in the castle had left for her. She was reading the report off Astra about the current military situation, taking in numbers of registered soldiers and weapon and armour caches, when there was a light knock on her door.

 

           “Enter.”

 

           The door creaked slightly as the heavy wooden door was pushed open, and Kara turned at the sound of hesitant footsteps on the flagstone floor. Alex was dressed in her armour, looking sweaty and slightly flushed from training with the other soldiers. She hovered just inside the doorway, looking concerned, and Kara gave her a puzzled look. “Well aren’t you going to come in, sister?”

 

           Alex sighed, running a hand through her short, damp hair. “Sister, I would have you know that I just passed Lady Spheer not too long ago, leaving the bathing rooms – she looked upset. I thought … well, I know it would concern you to see one you love in pain.”

 

           “Is she okay?” Kara asked, rising from her seat.

 

           “You should ask her yourself.”

 

           Kara gave her sister a bewildered look, but she nodded and walked towards her door, walking out into the hallway and ordering Jack to stay put. A thought about whether Jack knew what troubled his wife crossed her mind, but Kara kept her questions to herself, and as Alex followed her out into the hallway, Kara promised that she would see her later, before they parted ways. Alex had said that Lena had been leaving the bathing rooms when they’d crossed paths, and Kara was unsure of where she might be, but thought that she would check Lena’s chambers first. All that Kara knew was that if Lena was upset there was no way she would be publically walking the halls; she would be tucked away in an abandoned room or the shadowy corner somewhere within the castle. Kara doubted whether she would even have risked being seen going to the godswood. No, she would check her chambers first.

 

           She hitched up the skirts of her dress and walked to the end of her hallway, soon finding herself outside Lena’s room. Gently knocking on the door, Kara patiently waited for an answer, and after receiving none, banged on the wood harder. “Lena … it’s me.”

 

           The answer came a moment later through the sound of metal scraping and clanging as a heavy bolt was drawn back, and the heavy door creaked open. The room was dark inside, the curtains drawn and no fire in the hearth, and Kara narrowed her eyes slightly as she peered into the gloomy chambers. Lena was mostly hidden behind the door, and her face was ghostly pale in the dark, yet there was no mistaking the troubled look on her face.

 

           “Oh, Lena,” Kara softly sighed, crossing the threshold of the room and shutting the door behind her, plunging them both into darkness. She took a hesitant step towards Lena, reaching out for her, and Lena was as still as a statue as Kara wrapped her in a gentle hug. It took a few moments, but the tension slowly faded out of Lena’s shoulders, and she let out a shaky breath as she returned the hug.

 

           “You should not have come,” Lena whispered, her voice unsteady, as if she were about to cry.

 

           Kara drew back, frowning slightly as she looked down at Lena. She ached to run her fingers over Lena’s cheekbones, to caress her face and wipe away the salty trails left behind by dried tears. “Go to the stables, get them to saddle your horse, and then meet me near the servant’s exit.”

 

           Without waiting for a reply, Kara walked over to the door and let herself back out into the well-lit hallway. Hurrying back to her room, Kara cast Jack a quick look before she disappeared back inside. Stripping off her dress, Kara rummaged around in her cupboard for the old servant clothes she’d worn upon her return to Kandor. Dressing in brown leather leggings and a roughspun brown tunic, Kara threw a worn green cloak around her shoulders and slipped a knife into her boot. Creeping towards the window, Kara peered down to the courtyard, and upon seeing it empty of any watchful eyes, she pushed open the window and found footholds on the rough bricks of the castle walls. Carefully, she scaled down the side of the building and soon found herself on the cobblestoned ground of the courtyard, and was off towards the kitchens as quick as possible. No one stopped her as she found a basket and poached some honey cakes, hot pies, dried fruits and a bottle of cider. She stole some freshly baked bread too, slipping the buns into her basket and sneaking out the back exit.

 

           Her hood was pulled up over her golden curls, and Kara was careful to keep her head down as she neared the smaller gate at the opposite side of the castle. She quickly plucked two warm buns out of her basket and tossed one to each guard stood either side of the gate. “To keep you warm on your watch,” she told them, flashing them a wide smile that was visible even if the upper half of her face was not.

 

           “A welcome gift,” one of the soldier’s replied, and she gave Kara a grateful smile, not batting an eye as Kara continued down the drawbridge and out of sight of the gate. Walking along the edge of the moat, Kara let one hand skim the tops of the long reeds that grew along the edge, while the other hand swung the basket back and forth while she kept an eye out for Lena. It crossed her mind that she hadn’t even waited to hear if Lena agreed to meeting her, and a small laugh tumbled past Kara’s lips at the thought of her being stood up. Yet before the laugh had even died upon her lips, Lena was trotting towards her on her black stallion, a sable cloak thrown over the top of her long red coat.

 

           Lena reined in the horse as she neared Kara, and in the bright midmorning light it was easy for Kara to see the red puffiness to her eyes, and a spark of worry grew in her heart at what had caused Lena so much pain, for she was usually so stoic and it troubled Kara to see her look so unhappy. She was silent as she passed the basket up to Lena and swung up behind her on the horse. Carefully, Kara wound her arms around Lena’s waist, feeling Lena stiffen slightly before she urged her horse onwards. Grass and clumps of mud were torn up at the sudden burst of speed, and Kara was content to let Lena pent all of her frustration by galloping across the open fields in whichever direction she desired. It mattered little to Kara where they went, she just wanted to help Lena as much as she could, and she knew that the castle and all its occupants could be a bit stifling at times.

 

           The rode until the horse’s sides were heaving, and it slowed to a slow plod, nearing a copse of trees in a shallow dip between two rolling hills carpeted with red flowers. Lena brought them to a stop next to a twisted aspen tree with brown leaves, and Kara dismounted, reaching for the reins so that she could tie the horse to a low hanging branch. Taking the basket off Lena, Kara set it to the ground and helped her friend dismount, finding herself extremely close to Lena’s face. She knew that Lena wouldn’t think anything of the closeness, but Kara couldn’t help but feel a bit too warm as she flushed slightly, despite the chill wind. Clearing her throat, she turned away from Lena and sat down on the ground, flattening some of the red flowers in the process.

 

           Sitting down across from Kara, ensuring that she was in the shade, Lena gently brushed the petals of one of the flowers, keeping her head ducked down as her dark hair created a curtain around her shoulders. “Lena-“

 

           “Blood has been spilt here,” Lena quickly murmured, cutting Kara off before she could finish her sentence. “They say that these are Rao’s flowers, that they grow where blood has been shed. It’s hard to imagine such beauty can be born of tragedy.”

 

           “Poppies,” Kara murmured, “their seeds can be used as a painkiller and a sleeping antidote. A common reason why they are associated with Rao, for if you eat too many seeds, you may die. Although the scarlet colour speaks of resurrection in his halls.”

 

           Lena was silent for a moment, twirling one of the flowers between her slender fingers. “Do you ever think about death?”

 

           Kara’s eyes widened slightly at the question, and her forehead creased as she contemplated the question. “I … yes, I do; not in the way you might think though. I spent many years at the temple, and then at Cair, and then the fighting pits, and I learnt much about death. My old master at Cair … he once told me that I was already familiar with death, and I think that has stayed with me after all these years.”

 

           They fell into silence again, and Kara frowned as she stared at the top of Lena’s bent head, wishing that she’d look at her. Reaching out, Kara gently took her hand in her own, and there was a twinge in her heart at the soft feeling of Lena’s hand, and a small smile tugged at her lips as Lena turned her hand and laced their fingers together. It was in moments like that when it hurt Kara most of all, for she would imagine that there were snippets of hope that her feelings could be returned, that perhaps Lena wanted more too, but they were brief, gentle touches, and they always reached their end. The agony of wishing to make her feelings clear was almost unbearable, but Kara bit her tongue and ran a thumb over Lena’s knuckles while they listened to the long grass rustle in the breeze. It was so hard to make the words come out, so she just kept quiet, and let thoughts of Lena consume her until there was nothing but the overwhelming thought of brutal honesty; she was in love with Lena. It was a few more moments until Lena looked up at Kara, and her eyes were still slightly red, and her cheeks were still blotchy from crying, but her eyes were still a furious green, and her high cheekbones and wide lips curved into a sad smile made Kara want to love her. All Kara could think was that Lena’s beauty would destroy her, and she didn’t care that it tortured her to hold Lena’s hand while she looked at her, because it was enough.

 

           “Are you afraid to die?” Lena asked, tilting her head to the side as she stared at Kara intently. The dark turn of their conversation unsettled Kara, but she would let Lena talk about whatever she desired, as long as it would make her feel better and turn her thoughts aside from what was bothering her.

 

           “No,” Kara told her, hesitating slightly before she continued, “I’m afraid to live.” Eyebrows rising in surprise, Lena gave Kara a questioning look, and she sighed as she elaborated. “Sometimes … I fear that I am not cut out to be the person I have constructed in my mind. Nothing is like I think it is, and I’m … frightened by the way I feel.”

 

           “What do you feel?” Lena murmured.

 

           “Trapped,” Kara said, and she quickly dropped Lena’s hands and plucked a red flower from the space in between them.  Her life felt foreign to her, all of her childhood spent in Kandor was a distant memory, some of it best forgotten, but the quiet moments with Lena brought relief. Just the two of them, both of them feeling trapped, feeling the way they felt – it offered them a chance to feel the way they wanted to, to feel _free._ “When we were children, I thought everything was possible, I thought that everyone was on my side. Then I grew up, and I spent years … well anyway, now everyone wants to kill me.”

 

           A flicker of anger passed over Lena’s face and she tore up a fistful of grass, quickly plaiting the blades together as she frowned. She started to pick some of the flowers too, breathing in the scent of them as she inspected the deep red petals. She didn’t seem to be in a talking mood, and Kara quickly stood to bring the basket nearer, handing Lena a honey cake and pulling out the bottle of cider. She took a swig, and handed it off to Lena while she savored the sharp taste of apples, watching as Lena took a long drink. The thought that she should’ve brought more crossed Kara’s mind, for it seemed that Lena was deeply troubled and was seeking a release. The bottle was soon pressed back into Kara’s hand and she stared down at the mouth of the bottle, thinking about Lena’s lips pressed against it just moments ago. She slowly took a sip, and the thought of kissing Lena crossed her mind, but instead she just drank the cider, thinking about how the cider wasn’t enough to fill her craving for Lena’s soft lips against her own.

 

\---

 

           They stayed for hours, talking and eating and listening to the wind howl around them as they lay on their backs in the midst of the poppies, watching the clouds twist and form new shapes as weak sunlight beat down on them. For the first time in weeks, Kara felt like she could breathe, and she cherished the clear air of the open fields and the lack of steel ringing on steel or the rushed footsteps of people hurrying up and down the corridors.

 

           At some point they had both sat back up, enjoying the now cold pies while the wind played with their hair, and as Kara finished the last bite of her food, she had the urge to reach out and brush a lock of Lena’s hair out of her face. She wanted to blame it on the cider, but she knew that she hadn’t drunk enough for it to affect her judgment; she just wanted to brush her fingers against Lena’s cheekbone, to brush her raven locks off her shoulder and watch the wind lift it with its invisible fingers. A small smile played on Lena’s lips and she closed her eyes at Kara’s touch, and so Kara shifted behind her and started to intricately braid it down her back as she kept up a confident stream of chatter. Lena hadn’t told her what was wrong yet, and Kara had been frightened to let the conversation come to a lull, in case Lena fell back into her dark mood, and so Kara prattled on about whatever thought came to mind as she wove red poppies into Lena’s braid, and smiled at her handiwork. Soon enough she was finished though, and the sun disappeared behind the clouds and the winds seemed to shift, casting a chill over the day. They would have to leave soon.

 

           “Lena, will you not tell me what bothers you?”

 

           Lena turned her gaze aside as she drew her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on top as her arms circled her legs. Her eyes glistened slightly, and Kara felt panicky at the thought of Lena crying in front of her – she couldn’t say when the last time Lena had cried in front of her was, but she would’ve been eleven at most, and it was probably because of a skinned knee or the stinging slap off her mother after a stern scolding. Even then, it had been rare for Lena to actually cry, for she would rub her stinging eyes and pretend that it was the pollen drifting on the summer air, even if it had been the middle of winter.

 

           Quickly reaching for the basket, Kara plucked a dried plum from it and presented it to Lena with a warm smile, and Lena burst into tears as she reached out with a shaky hand and took it. Almost upsetting the rest of the basket’s contents, Kara instinctively reached out for Lena, pulling her towards her and cradling her in her arms. Lena buried her face into the gap between Kara’s shoulder and neck and her hands clutched fistfuls of Kara’s shirt as her shoulders shook with sobs. Running a hand over her hair, Kara murmured soothing noises to her and gently rocked her, feeling a lump form in her throat and her eyes prickle as she held Lena tightly. Lena mumbled something again Kara’s chest, but it was muffled from the shuddering sobs and Kara’s shirt pressed against her face, and Kara didn’t hear her. Lena turned her head to the side slightly, her eyes tightly squeezed shut as she let out a shuddering breath and repeated herself, the words coming out broken and disjointed. “I-I think I-I might b-be with child.”

 

           Kara felt like she’d been kicked in the stomach, and she cradled Lena’s head against her chest for a moment as she sat in stunned silence. “Oh.” Shaking herself out of her shock, Kara scrambled for something else to say. “A-are you sure?”

 

           Lena choked out a hysterical laugh and buried her face back into Kara’s shoulder, more tears joining the already soaked fabric. “No.”

 

           “It’s okay,” Kara assured her, smoothing her hair out of her face and resting her head against Lena’s as she shut her eyes. “I-I’ll help you.”

 

           “You will?” Lena asked, her voice hitching in surprise.

 

           Kara gave her a gentle squeeze, her voice softening slightly as she replied, “Of course I will; you are my greatest friend, I adore you. I-I know this isn’t what you want, but you shall not endure this alone - no matter what happens.”

 

           “Wh-what am I going to do?” Lena asked, and Kara hesitated for a moment, caught speechless. What could she say? Words would be of little comfort to Lena right now, for she had confessed to Kara her fears about falling pregnant, and it was possible that it was a reality. Possibly.

 

           “First, you shall have to wait and see if your suspicions are true,” Kara told her, and Lena glumly nodded, her breathing hitching as she bit back a sob. “It’ll be alright.”

 

           “That’s what we say anyway, isn’t it? And if we’re not, we try and mask our pain to make sure no one knows that we suffer.” Kara didn’t have anything to say to that, and so she held her close until Lena’s breathing evened out and her shoulders stopped shuddering, and then she held her closer a little while longer, not ready to let her go.

 

\---

 

           They had ridden slowly back to Kandor, and Kara’s hands were gingerly placed on Lena’s hips and it crossed her mind that Lena had stiffened earlier on at Kara’s hands wrapped around her waist – wrapped around her _stomach_. She had cringed at the very touch to her stomach, and it pained Kara to think that she might be carrying a child.

 

           At the sight of the castle walls nearing them, the two girls both let out gentle sighs and laughed quietly at the other’s exasperation. Kara had been gone longer than she had anticipated, and there was no doubt in her mind that there would be someone waiting for her, ready to scold her for giving her queensguard the slip, and possibly the soldier’s that stood on guard if they had realized she’d managed to make it outside the walls. If she was lucky, they might think she’d tucked herself away in some hidden corner or up high in the branches of a tree in the godswood.

 

           The horse’s hooves clattered up the wooden drawbridge and Lena reined in her horse as they neared the stables. Kara’s eyes landed on three women stood in the doorway of the castle, arms crossed and looks of irritation on their faces; Alex, Astra and Lillian. At the sound of the horse’s hooves, all three of them had looked over, and relief melted the irritated look off Alex’s face as Kara dismounted.

 

           “Where in Rao’s name have you been?” Astra furiously whispered as she neared the horse, which Kara was holding steady while Lena dismounted.

 

           “Riding,” Kara simply explained.

 

           “I should’ve known that you would be involved,” Lillian sniffed as she looked at her daughter, who stiffened as if bracing herself for an attack. Kara gave Lena a small nod, indicating that she should remove herself from this conversation while she still had the chance, and Lena gave her the barest hint of a smile as she left without a word to anyone, disappearing into the castle. Kara hated to leave her as she was, but it looked like she had bigger problems to attend to.

 

           Alex cast her a worried look as she handed her a scroll of parchment, the seal already broken. Kara’s eyebrows furrowed in concern as she took in the L shape and the starburst pressed into the yellow wax. Her eyes quickly scanned the message and she felt the blood drain out of her face at what she read.

 

           “ _King?”_ Kara quietly exclaimed.

 

           “This does not bode well for us, niece,” Astra said, laying a hand on Kara’s arm. “I fear that your refusal will not hold well with King Mon-El, for the death of his father comes as a surprise to us all. Lar Gand was said to be in excellent health, and a kind soul, unlike that of his wife. This reeks of Rhea’s doing.”

 

           Kara swallowed the lump of fear in her throat. “What does this mean?”

 

           All three women looked at each other, before their eyes returned to Kara’s face. “It is possible that we shall soon be at war,” Lillian told her.

 

\---

 

           The rest of Kara’s afternoon has been spent with her council, and tempers were short as they ran over every possible scenario that could ensue from the new king of Daxam. Their best hope was that there would still be strained friendship between their countries, even after Kara’s rejection of a marriage, but they all knew it was a fool’s hope, and they quickly set about making plans for war.

 

           When Kara returned to her rooms later on that night, she asked for Alex to join her, and she stood by the fire warming her hands as she waited for her sister to arrive. At the sound of the door creaking open, Kara turned and gave Alex a small smile. “I wanted to thank you for coming to me earlier,” Kara told her, “and to ask why.”

 

           Alex let out a soft sigh, nervously wringing her hands as she gave Kara a grim smile. “I fear that I have been unfair to you, sister, and foolish, for I have been hypocritical and wrongly judged you for something that I myself have been through. I have only ever wanted your happiness, and I see that you suffer enough already with your secret feelings for her, and it was wrong of me to challenge your friendship with her when it brought you comfort. I tried to take your comfort away from you – I’m sorry.”

 

           “I would never blame you for your words, sister,” Kara gently told her, and her voice turned slightly bitter as she looked back into the flames. “I am grateful that you have changed your mind, but I fear that it is all in vain. She suspects that she is with child.”

 

           “Oh, _oh_ , Kara, I’m so sorry,” Alex said, her voice full of pity as she took a step towards her.

 

           Kara let out a snort of laughter as she looked at Alex. “It is not I who needs your pity, but Lena. She does not wish this for herself, and it pains me to see her so upset. Thank you for seeking me out this morning all the same, for I think that it would’ve weighed heavily on her to suffer alone with this burden.”

 

           “I should never have tried to stem your friendship,” Alex murmured, frowning slightly, “I know the pain that I was in to be parted from Maggie, and it pains me to say it, but I believe that by luck of circumstance, I am allowed to express my affection for her while you are not, and in my happiness I forgot my suffering.”

 

           “You know that I would never begrudge you your happiness,” Kara told her.

 

           Alex smiled, taking a seat in front of the fire. “And I yours.” They fell silent for a moment and Kara took a seat opposite Alex, watching her sister fidget in her seat as she pondered her next words carefully. “Sister, if it comes to war, I would not have you fight in vain.”

 

           “How so?” Kara asked, puzzled by her words.

 

           “You had no desire to marry Mon-El, that much was clear, but to anyone with eyes it was also clear that it was nothing to do with him specifically, and everything to do with Lena. You have denied every option of marriage presented to you, and it is clear that it is because you cannot bear the thought of being with anyone but her, and so if it comes to war, I would not have you fight a war with nothing to show for it. Fight for her, sister. If you love her, as I know you do, then do not waste time, and do not fight for an empty cause,” Alex fiercely told her. “Do it for her.”

 

           “You would have me proclaim my love for her and go to war over a woman I cannot have?” Kara asked in disbelief.

 

           Alex’s face was grim as she nodded. “There can be no victory in silence.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a twitter so hit me up maybe @lostariels

            Rising before the sun, Kara anxiously paced back and forth. It had been a week since she had held Lena in her arms as she cried, a week since the council had started making plans for war, and a week since Alex had encouraged Kara to pursue her heart. It had been a taxing week for Kara, and she had spent endless hours constructing messages to her bannermen to muster their army and start training new soldiers, and for grains and wheat and oats to be set aside, meat and fish smoked or salted, and fruit dried, for if it came to war, they would need as much food as they could they could scrape together. With the threat of war hanging over their heads, Kara had been in a foul mood, irritable and short-tempered, and the only time she’d found some peace and quiet had been in stolen moments with Lena.

 

            She had been mulling over the idea of telling Lena of her true feelings, and had been too afraid to tell her, but today she would, which was partly why she was anxiously pacing back and forth. Alex had been right; Kara’s marriage rejection hadn’t been personal, and it wasn’t specifically towards Mon-El, for she would decline any proposals if they did not come from one she loved, and as Lena was already married, the chances of that happening were non-existent. For too long she had denied herself the chance to tell Lena how she felt, for it would make no difference, but if they went to war, Kara would have her know why. And if Lena _was_ with child, then it changed nothing, and Jack could have his heir, and Kara would keep Lena by her side – she would still not shame Lena by taking her as her lover while married, but she could stay at court as Kara’s friend and Jack could return to his holdings with their child. It made no difference to Kara. As long as Lena was happy, then Kara would be too, but she just had to let her know that a life trapped in a marriage she did not want, with a child she did not want, wasn’t her only option – even if she didn’t return Kara’s feelings.

 

            The sun was just starting to paint the horizon a warm yellow when Kara made up her mind. Fetching a tunic from her cupboard, Kara slipped out of her room and nodded good morning to Kal, who fell into step behind her, his chainmail clinking as he walked. They spoke of the threat in Daxam as they walked down to the bathing rooms, for while Kal wasn’t on her council, he was her cousin and she trusted him with her secrets. Although, they would not be secrets for much longer.

 

            As Kara entered the bathing rooms and made for her private pool, the door to one of the women’s bathing rooms opened, and Kara glanced over at the woman leaving, doing a double-take when she realized that it was Lena. She looked even paler than usual as she dried the ends of her dark hair with a towel, already dressed in a long black dress that made her look beautifully cold, like death and shadows in the dimly lit hall. Kara’s hand hesitated on the handle of the wooden door, and she turned away from it as Lena’s eyes landed on hers. She’d planned to find Lena after breakfast and ask for her company on a walk through the godswood, but here was as good a place as any, and so Kara took a deep breath and walked towards Lena, meeting her halfway.

 

            “Good morning,” Kara said, giving her a warm but nervous smile as she fidgeted with her hands. “I-I was hoping to talk with you later on, there’s, um, w-well, you see, I have something t-to tell you.”

 

            “As do I,” Lena told her with a relieved smile, “I’m not with child.”

 

            Kara blinked in surprise, and relief washed over her for Lena’s sake, yet there was a small part of her that was filled with worry. “Oh!” Kara softly exclaimed, reaching out to take Lena’s hand in her own. “I am happy that you would not have to endure something you do not wish.”

 

            “As am I,” Lena said, squeezing Kara’s hand slightly, “I would thank you for your friendship over the past week, you have been a great source of comfort to me. I also find comfort in the knowledge that you would’ve helped me through it if it had been true, but I am pleased to know that it is not.”

 

            Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled at Lena’s happiness, but there was a knot of worry in Kara’s stomach, for she didn’t know how Lena would take her admission of her feelings. Lena hesitated slightly, and gently pulled Kara over to one of the low stone benches and sat down, leaving space for Kara beside her. “Kara, this might be … uncomfortable for you, but I would ask you a favour, if you would grant it.”

 

            “Anything,” Kara immediately promised.

 

            A faint blush coloured Lena’s high cheekbones, and she ducked her head down as she picked at a loose thread on her dress. “Your knowledge of herbs … you learnt much in your time away. Do you know if there are- if there are any that could prevent …”

 

            “Oh!” Kara quietly exclaimed, realizing what Lena was asking her. “I- well, yes. My mother taught me the uses of many and _that_ was one use for a few. The root of peonies … red berry and greenwood also, and perhaps ginger root.”

 

            “Would you- could you tell me where-“

 

            Their fingers were still intertwined and Kara gave her hand a reassuring squeeze, giving Lena a small smile. “Do not trouble yourself with it,” Kara told her, “I shall get you what you need … if you are sure.”

 

            “Thank you,” Lena breathlessly murmured, and she hesitated for a moment before she reached out and cupped Kara’s face, tilting her head to the side so that she could place a delicate kiss on Kara’s cheek. It was barely a brush of her lips, but they were hot on Kara’s cheek and she felt her throat constrict at the feather-light touch, aching for more, but knowing it was nothing but a gesture of gratitude. A friendly kiss. In that moment, all of Kara’s courage faded away, and she knew that she couldn’t jeopardise their friendship for unreciprocated feelings. “Now, you said there was something you wished to tell me?”

 

            Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kara plastered a wide smile onto her face as she met Lena’s gaze. “It is nothing. I only meant to tell you that I did not wish for you to strain yourself by accompanying me on my coronation tour in your … _condition_.”

 

            “Well, my condition is now nothing more than being cursed with the ability to bear children even if we do not wish it,” Lena snorted, rolling her eyes slightly, and Kara gave her another small smile.

 

            “We are to leave tomorrow then, at dawn.”

 

            “I am glad,” Lena said, giving her a small smile, “will I see you later?”

 

            “I should hope so,” Kara murmured, climbing to her feet. Lena bowed her head slightly and Kara returned the nod, before she walked over to the door to her bathing room and let herself inside. Quickly shutting the door behind her, Kara fell back against it, throwing her head back and closing her eyes as she let out a shaky breath. She had become too caught up in Lena, and but there was the ever present thought that was always at the back of Kara’s mind; Lena loved her, she had no doubt about it, but not in the way that Kara loved her. She hadn’t fallen into the trap of instant love the way that Kara had, and she knew that her dreams were foolish, but they wouldn’t go away. The wondering would never fade.

 

            Kara tore her clothes off in frustration and jumped into the pool, splashing water everywhere as she sank beneath the hot, soothing surface of the pool. In the dim light of the room, only the water knew of her sorrows as she wordlessly vented her frustration beneath the surface, a stream of bubbles passing her lips as her heart ached.

 

\---

 

            The door to the medicine storeroom in the infirmary was locked, and Kara cast a quick glance around the empty room before she pulled a thin knife out of her boot and shoved it in the lock, jimmying it slightly until she heard a small click and felt the lock give way as she turned the knife. Slipping into the storeroom, Kara quickly cast a look about for the plants and herbs she needed, letting the small shaft of light streaming in through the tiny window illuminate the room. It didn’t take her long to find what she needed, and she grabbed the bundles of dried roots and flowers. Turning around, Kara let out a surprised squeal as she took in the person stood before her.

 

            “Daughter,” Eliza said, arching an eyebrow slightly. “Can I help you?”

 

            “Oh! Mother. You snuck up on me. I had thought you at the temple with the High Priestess.”

 

            “Indeed I was, and now I am returned to find you poaching my stores,” Eliza said with amusement, her eyes landing on the herbs that Kara was trying to hide. “What is it you come here for? Are you unwell? Is … is that _ginger root?_ And red berry … Kara-“

 

            Flushing bright red with embarrassment, Kara found the floor very interesting as Eliza reached out and plucked the herbs from her hand, taking in the sight of Kara’s choices. “They’re not for _me_ ,” Kara mumbled, clearing her throat slightly in discomfort.

 

            “Ah,” Eliza murmured, “is she with child?”

 

            “No, just a precaution,” Kara explained, and Eliza pressed the herbs back into her hands. Quickly, Kara grabbed a fistful of her cloak and wrapped it around the plants, hiding it from any other eyes who would be able to identify which herbs she carried.

 

            “That should be enough for her while you are gone,” Eliza said, and Kara nodded, brushing past her mother with a murmured goodbye. “And daughter, tell her to be careful that her husband does not find them, for I do not think he would be happy to be deprived of an heir. I do not think it would bode well for either of you if you are found to be complicit in this also.” Nodding again, Kara slipped out of the infirmary and made her way towards Lena’s chambers, lightly knocking on the door when she arrived.

 

            At the sound of her entrance permitted, Kara opened the door and walked inside, taking in the scene of Lena sewing by the fire while Jack fastened his cloak around his shoulders. “Forgive my interruption, but I would like a moment alone with your wife,” Kara said, nodding her head in acknowledgement of Jack’s low bow.

 

            “Of course, Your Majesty,” he said, pausing to kiss Lena on the top of her head before he passed by Kara and slipped into the hallway. Kara locked the door behind him, and Lena frowned slightly in confusion, until Kara pulled the shielded bundle out from inside her cloak, extending one hand as she crossed the room to hand them over to Lena, whose face showed understanding at the sight.

 

            “Thank you,” Lena breathlessly muttered, taking the herbs off Kara, who took a seat opposite her in front of the fire. “What must I do?”

 

            Kara hesitated slightly. “Once a month brew a tea with the herbs … it will do the task. You should be careful to keep it hidden from Jack.” Lena nodded, setting her needlework aside as she fetched a cloth and bundled the herbs up in it, hiding them away in a leather bag packed for their travels in the morning. “Lena … I should inform you that it will be painful. There will be cramps, possible nausea and headaches. I would think long and hard about your decision before it is made.”

 

            “Thank you, Kara, but I would not have asked this of you unless I was sure,” Lena murmured, giving her a sad smile. “I just wish that there was a more … _pleasant_ way to go about this, but I fear that Jack wouldn’t understand.”

 

            “No, I do not think that he would,” Kara agreed, “but I believe he loves you, and would give you whatever you wished.”

 

            Lena frowned as she wrung her hands, pacing back and forth slightly. Letting out a heavy sigh, she ran her fingers through her long hair and swore under her breath. “He is a good man – kind and brave and thoughtful - and I wish that I could return his feelings, but I cannot. I fear that he cannot give me what I truly desire – he cannot unwed me, and I do not wish him _dead_ , or have any ill wishes towards him, so I am stuck in a marriage that I cannot escape. So really, he cannot give me what I wish.”

 

            Hands gripping the arms of the chair she sat in, Kara shifted slightly in her seat, a feeling of irritation welling up inside her. They were both victims of circumstance, with no escape from the traps laid for them. “Y-you have not spoken of your desire to be unwed before.”

 

            Giving her a sad smile, Lena sat back down in her seat. “No, I have not. I fear that things have changed of late though, and before it was easy to tell myself that I was content to live this life, but recently … I have not been so content. It grows harder for me to bear this life with each passing day.”

 

            “What’s changed?” Kara asked, watching as Lena picked up her needlework and carefully started embroidering the white square again. She sighed at Kara’s question, and cast her an exasperated look.

 

            “You came back,” Lena said, giving Kara a grim smile. “You reminded me of my worth, for I had thought myself unworthy of someone loving me because of my father’s unfaithfulness, and you - the most important person in all the land – _you_ accepted me. The love of friendship you have shown me has made my cold heart remember what it is like to have someone know the deepest parts of you, and I find myself happier now, which is why it pains me to suffer in a way that I did not know I suffered.”

 

            “You have never been cold hearted,” Kara told her, smiling slightly, “you were just … stubborn, and caught up in your loneliness. You have never been to blame, for anything.”

 

            Lena made a small sound of agreement, and they were both content to sit there in silence before the fire. It was a cold day outside, and Kara knew that the road would be even colder when they left tomorrow. It would take them months on horseback to traverse the land, taking a southerly route in the hope that by the time they made their way north the worst of the wintery weather would have passed, and they would be able to travel unhindered, aside from light snowfall and mild storms. Kara couldn’t wait to be on the open road again, surrounded by the trees and endless fields stretching as far as the eye could see. For all her love of Kandor, the memories of the past were etched into the very stones of the castle, and the leaves whispered with the ghosts of old conversations that still weighed heavy on Kara’s mind. Not a day went by when she didn’t think about her parent’s, or their death, and each day she cursed the souls of the people who had taken them from her. Her uncle’s execution of them all was a small consolation prize, but it would never bring back her parent’s, and although she had a new family, she couldn’t stop feeling bitter about the fact that she had been left alone. Her bitterness and anger was in some parts directed towards her parents, and in the weeks since her return, she had avoided the crypts where their ashes had been entombed in stone. It was too painful to think about standing in the dank place, speaking to the darkness and the dead while she was all alone.

 

            “You look troubled,” Lena interrupted her thoughts, and Kara quickly met her gaze, giving her a small smile.

 

            “I was just thinking about my parents,” Kara admitted, and Lena gave her a grim smile and her eyes held pity within them. “I am troubled by this place still - by that night. I sometimes find myself waking with the sound of my mother’s last words ringing in my ears, and I find myself forgetting what my father looked like. I fear that the same would be said of my mother if it wasn’t for my aunt, although that in itself is a curse, for sometimes, when she is turned to the side, I forget that she is not my mother, even though I know she loves me as if I were her own daughter.”

 

            “I’m sorry for everything you have lost,” Lena told her, and she tied off the thread she had been sewing with and stared down at the white square of cloth, before she folded it and held it out to Kara. “Here. I made it for you.”

 

            Kara took the piece of thin cloth with curiosity, wondering what Lena had been stitching. She smiled as she shook it out, taking in the finely embroidered red poppies, just like the ones that Kara had woven into Lena’s hair only a week ago. Running her fingers over the pattern, Kara felt a lump form in her throat, and once again she was driven by the desire to admit her love, yet she bit back the words she wished to speak and replaced them with gratitude. “Thank you, it’s beautiful.”

 

            “I had considered blue, like your eyes, but you are fire and love and kissed by the sun … and Rao’s flowers have a new meaning to me,” Lena slowly explained, and Kara gave her a sweet smile as she folded up the handkerchief and slipped it into the pocket on her tunic.

 

            “I love it,” Kara assured her. “Speaking of Rao, I had a mind to go to the city to visit the temple soon, if you would be interested in joining me. I would like to ask for blessings for our trip and pray before we leave in the morning.”

 

            “I would welcome the trip,” Lena said.

 

\---

 

            Kara had reluctantly agreed to a small guard of four soldiers, as well as Kal, to accompany her and Lena on their trip to the temple, and as the seven of them rode through the streets, Kara attracted much attention. Lena cast wary glances at the citizens as they pressed towards them, reaching out to brush the flanks of Kara’s horse, or the end of her cloak spread out behind her, almost as if they thought it would bring them luck or bless her. She was revered for her golden hair, and in the weak sunshine it shone brightly, and with her golden crown and heavy red cloak, she truly looked the part of a queen.

 

            Weapons were not permitted past the steps of the temple, and so Kara and Lena knelt side by side by the edge of the pool, their heads bowed in silent prayer. It would have been so easy for Kara to be selfish, to pray for Lena to love her back and damn the consequences, but as she knelt beside her, feeling her presence strongly in the silence, she prayed for Lena to be happy, for she would not deny her that, even if it tortured her to know that she was not the one to bring it to her. Yet, as she opened her eyes and looked up at the orange leaves of the living monument to Rao, she felt Lena’s warm hands hold her own, and her steady gaze upon her face as she turned to meet her eyes, and it felt like a sign. Gently, Lena dipped her fingers in the blessed water of the pool and smeared a drop of it on Kara’s forehead, just between her eyes, and Kara returned the favour, before they both pressed their hand to their forehead and kissed their fingertips, murmuring their thanks to the gods.

 

            Walking out of the temple, Kara decided that she wasn’t yet ready to leave, and a nearby stall selling pies caught her attention. Smiling widely, Kara dragged Lena over to the stall, buying them both cherry pies, and trying to coerce Kal into stepping down from his role as a queensguard to sit on the temple steps and eat with them, with no luck. With her thanks, she handed a few coppers over to the baker, and took the pies, handing one to Lena with a smile. She felt a quick jerk at her belt, and in a flash she had the wrist of a small boy held tightly in her hand, her purse clutched in the tiny hand attached to it.

 

            “You have courage to steal from the queen,” Kara said with amusement, staring down at the small child as he looked up at her with fear. “If you are to steal, I would try food over money, boy, and have faster fingers, or you’ll find yourself losing them.”

 

            “Forgive me, Your Majesty,” the boy begged, twisting slightly in Kara’s grip as Kal stepped forward and grabbed him by the back of his ratty tunic. Kara frowned at the fear in the child’s eyes, and she reached into her purse, drawing out a copper coin and handing it to the boy.

 

            “Be off with you, child,” Kal said, giving him a gentle cuff around the ear as he let him go. The little boy stomped on Kal’s foot and Kara clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter as she watched her cousin swear under his breath, shaking out his hurt foot as he glowered. The child was already darting off through the crowd, no doubt trying to find more unsuspecting targets.

 

            Biting back a smile, Kara looked at Kal with amusement. “I should hate to see you defend me in a real fight if a little boy has reduced you to a hopping mess, cousin.”

 

            “I’ll remember not to underestimate children again,” Kal wryly told her as he fell into guard position behind her as she walked over to the temple steps and sat herself down. Lena sat beside her, and they bathed in the weak sunlight as they ate their pies, watching the people rush about their daily lives. It was loud, but Kara loved to watch people go about their mundane lives, hauling carts of fresh fish from the boats at the harbor, rolling barrels of ale to the taverns, and leading wagons leaden with ore to the blacksmiths that rang with the hammering of metal.

 

            As Kara watched, a little girl caught her attention, hovering nearby with a fistful of small white flowers – weeds picked from a nearby garden patch. Smiling at her, Kara beckoned her forwards, and the little girl hesitated, eyeing the guards as she took a slow step towards Kara, and then another when they made no move to stop her. She knelt before Kara and held the flowers out to her, quickly scuttling backwards as Kara’s hand touched hers. “Thank you,” Kara told her, giving her a bright smile. “Come, I have a gift for you also.”

 

            The little girl stepped closer, and everyone on the courtyard surrounding the temple seemed to pause as they watched Kara take the little girl’s hand and sit her down on the step below her. “How would you like to hear a story?”

 

            The little girl nodded, and Kara smiled, her eyes flickering to Lena’s face for a second, finding a look of bewildered curiosity on it as she looked back at Kara. As Kara watched, more children approached, slowly inching closer and closer, almost as if they were afraid that they would be shooed away if they dared to come any faster. Soon enough there were a dozen children crowded before the two women as they lounged on the steps, and Kara started to tell a story as she wove the little white flowers into a circlet.

 

            “Long ago, when the gods still walked these lands, there was said to be a war between the Rao and the Daxamite god, Sard. Rao awoke a great firebird to fight for him, and Sard brought the nightwing to Krypton, and the two birds fought through the long night, yet neither of them could triumph. It was Mordo, the god of battle, who managed to trap the two birds in a great cavern in the centre of one of the Jewel Mountains, the ancient golden volcano, and the two birds were said to have turned to stone. It was years later, when the gods had left, and the different tribes of our land waged war against each other, and Hyr-El, one of the first of House El, was visited by Rao in a dream. Rao bid him to go to the the Jewel Mountains, and release the firebird, and he would unite the kingdom. Upon releasing the two birds, they continued to fight, and so did the men, Hyr-El under a firebird standard, and his brother Vad-El bore a nightwing on his standard, until at last the firebird vanquished the nightwing. Upon the defeat of the nightwing, Vad-El fled along with his followers, sailing to the land now known as Daxam, and there the Daxamites descended from his line, while his brother, Hyr-El united the kingdom into what we know as Krypton. The nightwing defeated, Rao was proclaimed the god of gods, and the firebird became his sigil, and to this day we still worship him as our sun and light and fire, for it is Rao that gives us life. And the firebird … it is said that it returned to its cavern inside the mountain, and some say that it is still sleeping there to this day, waiting for the day that it’s needed again to go to war and protect the descendants of House El.”

 

            Upon finishing her story, Kara placed the woven circlet on top of the little girl who sat in front of her, jerking her chin slightly while she watched the little girl smile. All of the children whispered amongst themselves at the story, and a few of the braver ones even dared to ask for another, but Kara just laughed, shooing them back to their mother’s, finding herself alone with Lena once more. She leant back on her elbows and shaded her eyes with one hand as she watched people rush around before them.

 

            “Do you want children?” Lena bluntly blurted out, and Kara’s head quickly whipped around to look at her in surprise. “Sorry, I only meant to inquire into your perspective of them. You seem to like them.”

 

            “Well, I do … they’re sweet, and funny, and they live in a dream – I envy them that, for I miss the days when I was so naïve,” Kara said, grimacing slightly. “I’m not sure if I would see children for myself though. I would not have them out of wedlock, of course, and as I have no desire to marry, I do not believe children are in my future.”

 

            “What about your line?” Lena asked, frowning in confusion. “It is all of our duty to ensure that our houses continue.”

 

            Kara’s eyebrows shot up at Lena’s words. “Yet you have no desire for yours to.” Quickly looking away, Lena tensed slightly, and Kara straightened up, mentally kicking herself for her words. “I do not judge you for that, Lena, if anything, I would think myself closer to you, for I _understand_. I would think that you understand me too.”

 

            “I don’t,” Lena said, shrugging slightly. “You have always been honourable, Kara, and I am not, nor have I ever pretended to be. You are though, so I assumed that you would put your own desires aside to fulfil your duties. I would imagine that would include an heir and a husband.”

 

            “I don’t wish for a _husband_ ,” Kara tensely replied, stressing the word husband as a small line formed between her eyebrows. “I imagine that one day it will fall upon my shoulders to do my duty, but I would not wish it for myself, and it will be, as you say, to fulfil my duties. I would imagine that if I had a child I would love it all the same though, regardless of whether it was with someone I loved or someone else.”

 

            Lena nodded, brushing away a stray pastry crumb off the front of her dress as she silently brooded. Her moods were subject to quick changes, and a moment later she was looking at Kara with curiosity. “Where did you hear such a tale?”

 

            “From my mother – Eliza – at the temple. She would tell Alex and I stories, some of which are true, and others that are little more than legends, like that one. I had thought the Scarlet Forest and the god sword myths too, but I was wrong,” Kara explained. “I enjoyed the stories all the same, they were a … welcome distraction.”

 

            “From what?”

 

            “You, mostly. My parents. The life that was stolen from me by the sharp edges of swords,” Kara bitterly muttered.

 

            “A distraction from me?” Lena asked, tilting her head to the side as she looked at Kara. “Did you not want to remember our friendship?”

 

            Kara gave her a sad smile, “I spent years trying to forget you.” At the flicker of hurt that flashed across Lena’s face, Kara scrambled to make her meaning clear. “I mean that it hurt so much to think about you, that I tried so hard to forget you. It didn’t work, of course, and every day I was tormented by memories of our friendship. Of the time you fell in the river the summer we caught frogs by the old oak tree over the hill. Of the winter when we had a snowball fight and I accidentally struck your mother as she came out to scold you for skipping your lessons. The time I tried to climb onto the roof of the stables when it was raining, but slipped on the slick rocks and broke my arm in the fall – you lied and said that I had tripped over an uneven cobblestone. Countless memories … I missed you every day.”

 

            “You were my first kiss, you know,” Lena laughed, her eyes sparkling with amusement as she looked at Kara, whose cheeks were slightly pink at the thought of kissing her again. “I was seven and you were nine, and neither of us would kiss the boys when they dared us to kiss them. We ran away, and we hid behind the willow tree in the furthest corner of the godswood – do you remember?”

 

            “I remember; you were mine too,” Kara murmured, a shy smile playing on her lips. “The willow tree seemed to whisper secrets to us as we stood inside the circle of its trailing branches, and I remember thinking that one more couldn’t hurt it. If I remember correctly, _you_ kissed me first … after I asked you to, so that neither of boys would have the satisfaction of claiming our first kiss.”

 

            Lena sighed wistfully, “oh to be young. Children question all that is possible, and I thought that love was possible back then. I was a child with a head filled with dreams and nonsense.” And then she smiled at Kara, and she looked so beautiful that for a second, Kara forgot the mess of the conflicted thoughts and overwhelming feelings inside of her. “When you left you took the light with you, but I held onto the tiny spark of hope that you would return to me one day, and in that tiny prick of light, I waited for you.”

 

            “I’m sorry to have kept you waiting so long,” Kara murmured, and it almost felt like an admittance of her feelings, but the absence of a blatant confession made Kara remember Alex’s words; there could be no victory in silence. Yet even in the failure to admit her feelings, Kara still felt a snippet of hope that Lena would see that her words held a greater meaning. Her hope was bright like the tiny prick of light that Lena had clung to while Kara had been gone, and Kara knew that through the love she bore Lena, perhaps those childish dreams were still alive. Perhaps they were still possible.


	19. Chapter 19

            Kara awoke early the next morning, after a restless sleep and circling thoughts of Lena’s words, and in the pre-dawn darkness, she paced back and forth before the fire, wondering if perhaps there was a deeper meaning to Lena’s words. The way she spoke was almost wistful, like she longed for the days when her and Kara had run freely throughout the castle, but her words did not speak of love, only of distant memories. Her frustration made Kara restless, and she was itching to escape her room, and so she slipped a knife into her boot and threw a brown cloak over her nightgown and padded barefoot over to the door.

 

            Winn looked at her in surprise as she opened the door, his hand going to the pommel of his sword before he relaxed again. “Your Majesty, is it morning already?”

 

            “A little while before dawn, Winn,” Kara told him with a smile. “You may retire for the night; I’m only going downstairs to bathe.” Hesitating for a moment, Winn nodded, bowing to Kara as he excused himself from guard duty.

 

            Watching him leave, Kara hesitated before going down the opposite end of the hallway and making her way downstairs. The corridors were empty and some of the torches had guttered out during the night, leaving her to pass by unseen as she walked the passages, the stone beneath her feet chilling her to the core. She felt a little less tense by the time she’d made it down to the bathing rooms, but she suspected that it was because she was numb from the cold. As she made her way towards the bathing rooms, she heard the sound of a door being opened at the other end of the hallway, and span around in surprise. The opposite end of the hallway led towards the crypts, towards her parent’s ashes entombed in stone, and she had avoided that end since returning, and hadn’t expected anyone else to frequent the place.

 

            As a figure stepped out of the darkness, Kara relaxed slightly at the sight of Astra exiting. Of course the only other person who would frequent the place would be her aunt. Kara smiled as she locked as with Astra, who blinked in surprise at the sight of her niece up so early. “Aunt,” Kara greeted her, taking a step towards her.

 

            Smiling, Astra shut the door to the crypt and walked down the hallway towards Kara. “Little one, you rise early this morning. I would’ve thought you’d rest as long as possible before you take to the road.”

 

            “I could not sleep,” Kara admitted, shivering slightly in the cold and damp of the sub-levels of the castle. “I thought a walk to the baths might help. You’re up early also.”

 

            “I was visiting your mother,” Astra said, giving her a hesitant smile.

 

            Kara tilted her head to the side slightly, looking at her aunt. “Do you do that often?”

 

            “Yes. I like to talk to her – it used to be about what was happening in the kingdom, but now, I tell her of you. She always said you would have the heart of a hero, and I believe that she spoke true, and we shall find out just how much of a hero you are soon enough.”

 

            “You miss her,” Kara murmured, and Astra gave her a sad smile as she nodded, reaching out to brush Kara’s golden hair out of her face and gently tilting her chin up.

 

            Quietly sighing, Astra gave Kara a sad smile. “I do. I have you though, and you are more dear to me than any daughter Rao could’ve given me. Every day I am grateful that you were not taken away from me that night.”

 

            A dim feeling of pain welled up inside Kara, for she had spent years wondering about what it would’ve been like to be raised by Astra, to be raised at court amongst her own life, for she knew that Astra indeed did love her as a daughter. There was also the part of Kara that couldn’t help but feel grateful that she _had_ been sent away, for if she hadn’t, she wouldn’t have been given a sister and a mother, but there were just so many things that could’ve been different, and the thoughts of what might’ve been hung over Kara’s head. “It is because of you that I was spared,” Kara murmured, thinking about how Astra had ridden hard for days to ensure that Kara was far away from danger. How she had found a safe place for her to be loved and cared for, away from any threats.

 

            “I would have done anything to save you,” Astra said, smiling even though her eyes betrayed the pain within her. “I-I left you alone, I sent you away, and all of it was to protect you. To keep you safe. I have done some … difficult things, and that is where your mother found her quarrel with me. I know she never told you why, but in part it was because I disagreed with her on many things, but mostly over the betrothal to Mon-El of Daxam. I fought hard against the decision, and that’s why your mother banished me from court. The day that your parent’s agreed to that marriage … they signed the death warrant of everyone in our kingdom, and they used you to do it. If there is one thing that I am glad of, it is that you would refuse him.”

 

            “Do you think it will come to war?” Kara murmured, fear igniting within her at the thought. If her parents had signed the death warrant of their country by agreeing to marry off their only daughter to Mon-El, Kara didn’t want to think what it would mean for Krypton if Daxam declared open war for the slight they had been shown.

 

            Astra hesitated, giving Kara grim look. “Yes.”

 

            “Oh,” Kara breathlessly said, feeling as if the air had been sucked out of her lungs. “I think I have made a mistake.”

 

            “No, never say that,” Astra sharply told her, gripping her shoulders and giving her a gentle shake. “You are a queen, you are of the House of El, and you will raise your armies and smite down anyone who bears arms against you. You are kissed by the sun, and Rao himself watches over you – no one can stand against you.”

 

\---

 

            Kara was dressed plainly in travelling clothes, her bag packed and her sword buckled onto her belt. She had insisted that everyone accompanying her wear plain clothes, and only leather armour, for she would have no one know who she was while travelling, lest the Daxamites be tipped off as to where she was because she had been too recognizable. Over the top of her brown tunic, she wore a leather cuirass, as well as vambraces and greaves on her forearms and shins, but she was hoping that the light armour would not be needed at all. Hopefully they would have safe travels, and she could enjoy herself as she met with the lords and ladies in their castles and holdings.

 

            With the looming threat of war, Kara had ordered her council to stay behind, which meant that Winn was missing from her queensguard, and Astra would be remaining behind to give orders in Kara’s absence. In their place, Lena and Maggie would be accompanying Kara to make up some extra numbers, and also for the happiness of the two sisters. Along with James, Kal and Jack, their party consisted of seven of them, and Kara was happy at the thought of spending weeks in the company of her friends, even though she knew she would be afforded little privacy with Lena.

 

            It was just before dawn, and she was anxiously waiting for everyone else to ready themselves. Pacing back and forth just inside the huge front doors of the castle, Kara’s thoughts were weighed down heavily by her conversation with Astra earlier, and after a moment’s hesitation, she set off through the castle. Her feet made the familiar journey down to the twisting staircase, but she turned right instead of left when she reached the bottom, and found herself soon stood before the heavy wooden door that she’d watched Astra come out of earlier on. Hesitating, Kara laid her hand upon the wood and pushed it open, taking a wary step inside. It was dark inside, so as to not disturb the dead, and only one torch was lit on the inside of the door, and Kara reached out to take it so that she could find her way.

 

            She passed tall blocks of stone, plain except for the crest of the House of El or whatever house sigil of the house the princes and queens had been born into and their names etched in the glyphs of the Kryptonian language. The nearest to the door was the oldest, the stone rough and the engravings slightly worn, but as Kara moved further down the long hall, turning corners as it turned back and forth on itself, the monuments were cleaner cut, and the engravings were sharp. And then she was at the end, with the endless darkness stretching out before her, and Kara slowly turned, looking at the last stone she had passed, and realizing that it was her mother’s.

 

            Brimming with sadness, pain and a small amount of fear, Kara took a step towards the stone, reaching out with a shaky hand to lay it upon the cold, smooth stone. “Mother,” Kara whispered, her voice cracking on the word.

 

            For so long, Eliza had been her mother, and in some ways, Kara remembered her _more_ as her mother than Alura, because there were so many years of memories that had faded away. All that was left of her parent’s were foggy memories or stories she’d heard from others that had known them – all that was left were the ghosts of who they had been. It hurt more than she thought to be there though, and everything that she _did_ remember came rushing back to her. The way her mother would cradle her close when she was small, telling her stories and teaching her how to sew while Kara pricked her fingers on the needle and made haphazard stitches, or how her father had a long knife made for Kara when she turned six, teaching her how to wield it as a sword, and had carried her around on his shoulders and let her sit in on council sessions she didn’t understand.

 

            She rested the torch in an empty bracket on the wall and reached out to the stone beside her mother’s, resting a shaking hand on that one too. “Father.”

 

            Falling to her knees between the two tall blocks of stone, Kara started to sob with all the pent up grief and anger that had stayed with her for almost thirteen years. Of course she’d mourned the loss of her parents and her old life when she’d arrived at the temple, but she’d also had to take on a new life, and all of her pain had been stamped down deep inside her, and she’d carried it with her ever since. Coming home had reminded Kara of all that she had lost, yet she hadn’t given herself the chance to mourn for it – it had been too long already - but as she knelt in the dark, with tears running down her cheeks, she realized that some hurts never faded. She had old wounds that could not be healed whole again.

 

\---

 

            Kara stayed in the crypts for as long as she could, hoping that her face would be back to normal by the time she resurfaced, but the shock on everyone’s faces when they glanced at her told her that it was not. They were all waiting outside the front doors, garbed in heavy cloaked with fur mantles and thick leather clothes to chase away the cold that they would face in the wintery months to come, and Kara quickly turned her gaze aside as she crossed the courtyard. Astra’s hand on her arm stopped her, and Kara glanced up for a moment, meeting those familiar blue eyes, and the urge to cry again almost overwhelmed her.

 

            “I am fine, aunt,” Kara muttered. “A trip to the crypts is all that troubles me. We should be off; it is already past dawn.”

 

            “Of course, Your Majesty,” Astra replied, bowing her head. Kara gave her a weak smile and threw her arms around her aunt, seeking some consolation in the warm embrace of the woman who she could almost imagine was her mother. “Safe travels, my dear niece.”

 

            Kara pulled back, and Astra placed a soft kiss to her brow. “I shall return,” Kara promised. Without another word she walked over to her horse and swung herself up into Comet’s saddle, the horse shifting slightly beneath Kara’s familiar weight. She waited patiently while everyone else mounted their own horses, and she met Alex’s concerned eyes and gave her a reassuring nod. She was okay; she wasn’t fine, but she was okay.

 

            Soon enough they were all filing down the drawbridge, the horse’s hooves plodding along in unison as they turned southerly and made their way away from Kandor. The morning was cold, and their breath billowed out in white clouds and their gloved hands stiffened around their reins, but for all the discomfort, Kara found the tension bleeding out of her.

 

            The leagues passed by at a steady pace, and they followed the curve of the wide road through copses of bare trees and over fields of half-dead grass. No one spoke, and Kara attributed it to her low spirits, and before long she couldn’t take it any longer. This wasn’t how she wanted the trip to happen. Turning in her saddle, Kara looked to Alex, who was hunched over in her saddle, bracing herself against the fierce wind that blew against them. “Sister, do you remember the songs that the troubadours taught us on the road to Argo City?”

 

            Everyone looked at Kara in surprise at the sound of her voice, and Alex smiled slightly. “I do.”

 

            “Would you care to fill the silence so that the cold would be more bearable?”

 

            “You have the prettier voice, sister, I believe that we would all much prefer it if you sang for us,” Alex told her, and Kara rolled her eyes, even as she smiled. Lena rode before Kara, taking up a guard position beside Jack at the front, and she turned in her saddle to give Kara a tender smile.

 

            “I remember you used to sing at all the celebrations; songs of the gods and of heroes long dead. I would be pleased to hear your voice again, for I remember it being as beautiful as the songbirds that sang in the trees at Thorul. Do you remember them?”

 

            Kara blushed slightly at the praise, and was grateful that her cheeks were already bitten pink by the sharp wind. Nodding her head, she gave Lena a small smile. “I do. I used to cherish the times I visited your family’s castle. I fear that I do not remember any of the old songs I used to sing, and the only ones I know now are, as I said, songs learnt from troubadours or in alehouses. There is a silly song that brings great amusement though, about a little saucepan, a cat and a soldier boy.” Clearing her throat, Kara quickly burst into a lilting song and everyone quietly listened in amusement, clapping and laughing when Kara finished. After that, everyone was in higher spirits, and Kara felt herself feeling more relaxed as she fell into easy conversation and banter with her friends.

 

\---

 

            Night had fallen, and they were all sat around a campfire, warming themselves by the fire as a few small rabbits – courtesy of Maggie’s hunting – turned over the flames. They’d only brought one packhorse with them, and it had been leaden down with food, Kara’s finery for when they arrived at any of their stops, as well as a tent for Kara to sleep in. It was only small, and afforded no protection against the chill, but was useful against the wind, and she felt slightly guilty at the thought of everyone else curling up around the fire with their bedrolls and blankets. She had half a mind to ask if anyone wanted to share with her, but she knew it would not be proper to share with any of the men, and Alex would no doubt wish to sleep beside Maggie, which left Lena. She was too scared to ask if Lena would like to share with her, for she travelled with her husband, and even if Lena didn’t return his affections, if would not do for her to choose to squash into a small tent with the queen rather than sleep beside her husband.

 

            Even as Kara watched, Jack reached out and gently rubbed his arms up and down Lena’s to rub some warmth into her, giving her a loving smile all the while. Abruptly standing up, Kara pulled her cloak tightly around herself and stepped away from the fire. “Where are you going?” James asked, and Kara quickly scrambled for an excuse.

 

            “Firewood,” Kara blurted out, her eyes falling on the fire and the smattering of trees behind their camp.

 

            Kal was rising from his seat even as he spoke. “Cousin, let one of us fetch it. You are the queen; you need not do such menial tasks.”

 

            Giving her a lopsided smile, Kara shrugged slightly. “I am not an invalid, cousin, and it would help warm me.”

 

            Grimacing slightly, Kal nodded, but continued to climb to his feet. “Someone should still accompany you though. Who knows what lies within the trees.”

 

            “There is nothing foul within those trees,” Maggie said, her hood hiding her face in the shadows. “Although, perhaps you could give the perimeter of our camp a wide sweep while Her Majesty fetches the wood.”

 

            “Then who shall accompany her?” Kal asked, and Maggie shrugged slightly, her head turning slightly towards Lena while her hand clamped down on Alex’s leg.

 

            “I shall,” Lena said, quickly scrambling to her feet. “I am a strong fighter, and I believe my less hulking figure may go unnoticed if we cross paths with anything unsavoury in the dark.”

 

            Biting back a smile, Kara nodded and set off towards the trees, trampling grass and kicking up dead leaves as she walked beneath the shelter of the sparse canopy. Bending down, she plucked a thick branch from the cold ground, snapping it in half and tucking them beneath her arm. Lena followed quietly behind her, picking up her own twigs and branches, silent except for the sound of her footsteps. They slowly made their way further into the trees, and then Lena sighed, stopping in her tracks.

 

            “Kara? Are you well?”

 

            Turning to face her, Kara gave her a small nod, taking in the ghostly pale face in the weak moonlight, and the look of concern etched upon it. “You speak of this morning? I visited my parent’s ashes in the crypts. It was the first time and I found it harder than I could have imagined.”

 

            “I-I’m sorry,” Lena stammered, and Kara wasn’t sure if it was due to her loss of words or because of the cold wind.

 

            Shrugging slightly, Kara gave her a sad smile. “I have always thought it so unfair that I was dealt this hand by the gods, and I had denied myself the chance to mourn for my losses. I know that it does not do to dwell on the past, but it doesn’t hurt to stop and cry for what could’ve been and what was not.”

 

            “Then you mean to say that there is no hope for the future?” Lena asked, a look of pain crossing her face, and for what, Kara didn’t like to imagine.

 

            “I cannot speak for the future, for I am but mortal,” Kara murmured. “All that I know is that I am not the product of my past, and neither are you, and we should live the lives we want for ourselves. It pains me to say it, but I have most likely bought mine with the cost of thousands of innocent lives.”

 

            “You are not the one who wishes for war,” Lena soothingly reassured her. “If it comes to it, know that it is not of your doing. That will all be on the Daxamites. On that … woman, and her son.”

 

            “It also lies with my parents,” Kara said with a sad smile. “I fear that they were not the people I once thought them to be, and they had their faults and they died because of them. I won’t make their mistakes.”

 

            Lena reached out and laid a frozen hand against Kara’s cheek, smiling as she stroked her thumb across Kara’s high cheekbone. “Your brilliance is immense, and you radiate the qualities of Rao. I believe that we are just starting to enjoy the hero and queen that you are. You will not lead us astray, and I will always hold faith with you.”

 

            “And I you.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn you're really making me feel bad about the slow burn, but get ready for another 30 chapters of it anyway with a fuck tonne of angst lmao

            They spent weeks travelling from castle to castle, making stops to visit lords and ladies so that Kara could see her land and meet with her loyal subjects. They were inconspicuous on the road, and no one bothered them, for their weapons and leather armour were enough of a deterrent, and seven of them and a large wolfhound was a large enough party to keep any bandits and thief’s away from them. The further south they rode, the further into winter they got, and most of their days were spent riding through pouring rainstorms that were swept in from sea, or light snow that lasted for days and left them feeling stiff as the horses plodded over frozen fields and roads slick with ice.

 

            Whenever they passed a village or a farm they would beg the shelter of a stable or a barn, and the villagers or farmers would offer them a hot meal, and everyone’s spirits would be higher as they huddled around a warm fire and told stories or sang. Even camping out in the snow was bearable in the company of her friends, and Kara couldn’t remember ever feeling so free and happy at the same time. Even watching Jack’s gentle touches and sweet caresses whenever he was with Lena didn’t hurt quite as much, but still, the endless nights that she lay awake shivering in her tent while she thought about Lena, sleeping by the fire a few metres away, was enough to keep torturing her.

 

            It was a particularly cold day when they neared the southern coast, almost six weeks into their trip, when they set up camp on the rocky outcropping that gave way to the grey churning sea. The clouds above them were almost black, and heavy with anticipated rain, and they all knew they would be in for a miserable night with no fire. As Kara stood on the edge of the cliffs, shivering in her heavy cloak, she stared out at the horizon, watching as the sun started to slip beyond the waves and the first stars tried to peek out from behind the clouds. She watched as restless seagulls battled against the wind, listening to the rising and falling of the sea, and wave on wave crashing on the long shore, scratching the damp fur behind Streaky’s ears as she watched. Behind her delicate footsteps crunched on loose rocks, stumbling towards her, and she didn’t have to turn to know it was Lena.

 

            “The stars are veiled here,” Kara murmured, the wind and the crashing waves all but drowning out the sound of her voice. “I fear that we will have a storm tonight. We should see if the cliffside houses any caves, for I believe that none shall enjoy being outdoors.”

 

            “It is beautiful though, is it not?” Lena said with a sigh.

 

            “It is,” Kara murmured, “I have lived my entire life in the light, in the summer filled with life and sunshine, knowing that Rao has bestowed his blessing upon me … but there is something of the fading wintery sun, and the darkest hours that, that speaks to my soul. I was born to the storms and the winter, yet I was not _made_ for it. Still, when words are not enough, when they will not fall past my lips, and I feel that I am drowning, it is enough to know that in the restless night the wind screams its pain and the thunder shudders with anger. It makes me feel less alone.”

 

             Lena reached out to place a gloved hand on Kara’s arm, and in the fading light, she looked beautiful. Her dark hair whipped around her face, and her breath fogged before her, and Kara couldn’t help but feel like Lena was made for this weather. She was a swirling maelstrom of emotions, and a part of her was always hidden, even with Kara. There were things she carried inside that no one else could see, and Kara understood that. They understood each other on so many things, and when words ran dry they didn’t have to try, for Kara was Kara and Lena was Lena, and together they just _were_. Yet the one thing that Kara couldn’t understand were Lena’s feelings towards her. Sometimes it seemed like more than friendship – or the potential for it, at any rate – but she spoke in such a way that Kara was left turning over her words to look for the signs, and she saw them, but she wasn’t sure if they were the product of her own wishful thinking.

 

            “You are not alone,” Lena fiercely whispered, and her eyes held all the intensity of the storm about to hit, and then her face softened slightly and she gave Kara a sad smile. “I only wish that you would share your burdens with someone who loves you.”

 

            “I am yet to find one,” Kara bitterly murmured, turning her gaze from Lena’s face as a lump formed in her throat and her eyes prickled slightly. She didn’t see the spasm of pain that flickered across Lena’s face. “If I am to drown in my sorrows, then I shall do it silently, rather than cry for help.”

 

            Stood on the edge of the cliff, with the faint smell of salt on the wind and feeling of the cold in her lungs, a vague memory swept over her. The memory of swimming in the freezing cold sea at the docks in Kandor. It had been the middle of winter, and Zor-El had taken Kara to see the ships from his fleet, and the smaller fishing and merchant boats, and Lena had come too. It had been windy and Lena’s scarf had become unwound and had floated on the breeze, straight into the harbor. Seeing the look of dismay of Lena’s face, Kara had jumped straight into the water, splashing around as the icy shock of the sea numbed her. The docks were so loud with sailors shouting, children running messages and dockhands loading and unloading cargo, and no one noticed that Kara had jumped in. She could barely swim for the violent shivering that had overcome her, yet she had silently swam towards the sodden scarf, stubbornly intent of retrieving it rather than crying for help for someone to come and fish her out of the water. She remembered the surprised look on her father’s face when she appeared at his side minutes later, soaked through and shaking as her lips turned blue, and she remembered the look of joy on Lena’s face as Kara had handed over the scarf, and the look of concern as she’d undone her cloak and tossed it around Kara’s shoulders, pulling it tightly around her to warm her up. Perhaps Kara’s words were too harsh, for she even with the intent of suffering in silence, Lena had _never_ let her her do it alone, and she wouldn’t now.

 

            “Forgive me,” Kara sighed, “I do not mean to sound so …”

 

            “Not at all,” Lena said, giving her a slight smile. “You are rather eloquent, even in your brooding moods. You should consider writing poetry, I imagine it would be very … insightful.”

 

            Kara let out a bark of laughter, looking straight ahead as her wind bitten cheeks reddened a bit more. “They would not be very happy poems, and I fear that in all the languages I know, I do not know the words to let my heart speak truly of its feelings and desires.”

 

            “What is it you desire?” Lena asked, and Kara’s eyes flickered to hers for a moment, before she returned her gaze to the churning sea stretching out before her eyes.

 

            _You – only you._ Kara bit her tongue to stop the words from falling, and she knew that if things were different – if it was just the two of them stood on the edge of the cliff, if she didn’t have her closest friends and family resting only a dozen metres away from her- she might’ve let the words tumble from her lips, unafraid and brutally honest. Even if it wouldn't have changed a single thing, she would’ve brushed Lena’s wind tossed hair out of her face, cupped her cold cheeks and placed the smallest of kisses to her chapped lips. They were dirty and saddle sore, and far from the romantic dreams of finely garbed queens and noble ladies stealing kisses in gardens full of roses, but it would have sufficed. Just the barest hint of her lips against Lena’s would have been beyond her wildest dreams, and for just a moment, Kara had the urge to do it, even with everyone present, but then a loud crack of thunder split the tension of the moment, and Kara’s gaze turned upwards as fat drops of rain started to fall. When she looked back down, Lena was still staring at her with intense eyes, and Kara wasn’t sure if it was the static of the storm, but the air felt charged between them.

 

            Smiling slightly, Kara swallowed the lump in her throat. “At the end of the day, in the dark hours of the night, all I desire is to know what it’s like to be loved.”

 

            Lightening flashed across the sky, illuminating the sea and their surroundings, and Lena opened her mouth to reply, but Kara was already turning away. The rain was starting to get heavier, and soon they would all be soaked as well as half-frozen. “I would have us look for shelter in the cliffs below, if there is any to be found.”

 

            “And the horses?” Alex asked, petting the neck of her brown stallion.

 

            “We’ll not be able to get them down to the beach. Tie them to the trees - they are brave creatures; the storm will not trouble them. I’ll set Streaky to guard them.”

 

            With that, everyone picked up their saddles and packs and walked over to the edge of the cliff. They had rope with them, and there had been an argument about who would go last, realizing that they had nothing to tie the rope to, and the last person would have to scale the sheer sides of the cliff. In the end Kara’s stubbornness won out against her queensguard’s gallant efforts to ensure that their queen didn’t fall to her death, but Alex had pointed out that she’d watched Kara scale the side of a mountain to retrieve the god sword, and that had ended the conversation. One by one they were all lowered down to the ground below, the biggest going first so that Kara would only be bearing the weight of Maggie when she lowered her to the ground by herself. Quickly winding the rope up, Kara looped it across her torso and then lowered herself over the lip of the cliff and slowly started her descent, finding hand and footholds on the sharp edges of the rocky face of the cliff. Soon enough she was stood on the hard-packed sand and everyone dumped their bags and split off to look for any caves along the shoreline. There were no big ones, but there were a handful of small ones set slightly back from the incoming current where they would be able to stay dry. It wouldn’t be comfortable – there would be barely enough room for them to lay side by side in each of them, but they would suffice.

 

            Fetching their belongings, they set it all in a pile before the caves and then wandered off to fetch some of the driftwood that had been washed up on the shore. Soon enough they had a huge bonfire built on the sand - smoking slightly from the damp wood, but warm all the same - and Alex and Maggie were plucking the feathers off the birds they’d managed to catch earlier on in the day. Kara was left with nothing to do, and so she stood like a statue at the very edge of the sand, watching the waves rush up to the tips of her boots as she watched lightning flash across the sky, splitting the darkness of the early twilight hours.

 

            They were all exhausted, and the thought of some shelter was enough to have them all wolfing down their hot food and the tea that Lena had brewed, and reaching for their blankets and bedrolls so that they could rest with a roof over their head for the first time in days. There was one cave slightly bigger than the other two, and after much deliberation, it was agreed upon that the three men would have to share that one, for it wouldn’t be proper for Kara to share with one of them in the smaller cave – if they could even squeeze in beside her – which left Alex and Maggie to one of the caves, and Kara to share with Lena. She’d had to bite back a sound of surprise at the conclusion everyone had come to, and was trying to act nonchalant about the arrangement as they all bid each other a goodnight and made their way towards their respective caves. Even watching Jack give Lena a quick kiss wasn’t enough to cut through Kara’s nervousness about the intimacy of sleeping next to someone she loved, and she quickly looked to Alex with panicked eyes, and got a small reassuring nod in return.

 

            Slipping inside the dry cave, Kara almost had to bend in half so as to not hit her head on the low jagged ceiling, and she quickly moved as far to the back as she could – they’d already ventured as far in as possible to make sure nothing unsavoury was hiding unsuspectingly. The darkness outside was only slightly lighter than the suffocating darkness of the cave, and Kara watched Lena’s silhouette, outlined by the mouth of the cave, make its way towards her.

 

            Lena stumbled slightly on the uneven floor, and Kara rose quickly to steady her, bumping her head hard on the ceiling. “Ow, shit,” Kara hissed, and Lena let out a surprised laugh. With a jolt of surprise, Kara realized just how close she was, and that her hands were firmly placed on Lena’s waist to steady her. Gentle fingers probed along Kara’s face, and she was as still as a statue, until pain lanced through the tender spot that she’d just hit on the roof, and she let out a hiss of pain.

 

            “Sorry,” Lena whispered, soothingly rubbing it, and Kara let out a breathless laugh. They were both still hunched over, and impossibly close, and Kara quickly lowered herself back down to the rough, uneven ground, rolling out her bedroll and sitting on it. Lena copied her, and she had to squeeze her bedroll in for the cave wasn’t very wide. Laying down on her back, Kara draped her blanket over the top and drew her cloak tightly around herself and, staring up at the dark ceiling above her as she listened to Lena make herself comfortable beside her. They knocked elbows and bumped feet as they both shifted to make room for each other, and Kara closed her eyes, swallowing the lump in her throat at the feeling of warmth radiating off Lena, and the gentle caress of her breath on her cheek as she spoke. “Kara.”

 

            It was little more than a whisper, and Kara let out a shaky breath as she turned on her side to face her. The sound of her name rolling off Lena’s tongue was enough to make her pulse race, and she didn’t dare make a sound, for fear of saying something that she would regret in the morning. For all her thoughts of bravery, she wouldn’t risk their friendship on the shadow of a dream. “Do you think we shall go to war?”

 

            Fear took hold in Kara’s heart at the ‘ _we_ ’ and she was silent for a moment, until she could find her voice. “I think it will come to it,” Kara whispered, her voice hesitant as she picked her words carefully, “although … I would not see you go.”

 

            The blankets rustled as Lena sat upright, twisting slightly so that she was almost hovering over Kara. She couldn’t see her, but she knew that she there, and Kara reached up with a shaking hand, searching for her face and brushing her hair back before she cupped her cheek, running a thumb over her cheekbone. “I would not be parted from your side,” Lena stubbornly told her, and Kara sighed, picturing the frown that Lena would be wearing on her face.

 

            “I would not have you leave it, ever, but I would not want you to come to harm because of me … because of my decisions,” Kara whispered.

 

            Lena let out a frustrated huff, “you have made your decision, and I would make my own.”

 

            “You would fight – die even – for a war that you need not fight in?”

 

            “Why? Why do we go to war?”

 

            Kara hesitated, her voice strained when she replied, “for love.”

 

            “Exactly. You need to understand … I would do this for you.”

 

            “I would have you fight for yourself – for your own love,” Kara murmured, feeling a twisting feeling in her stomach as she spoke the words.

 

            “I know, and I would be.”

 

            Kara nodded to herself, pulling her hand away from Lena’s cheek and settling back down on her bedroll. She felt Lena shift beside her, and a moment later, the pressure of her pressed up against Kara’s back. “I would keep you by my side then, but let there be no more talk of war tonight.”

 

\---

 

            She couldn’t sleep for her mind was troubled with Lena’s words and the storm was loud outside, and sometime during the long hours of the night, Lena rolled over, and she curled up against Kara’s side with her head on her chest and one arm flung across her. Kara didn’t dare move for the rest of the night.

 

            She didn’t move until dawn broke, and the mouth of the cave lightened to show the grey waves, gently lapping back and forth in the calm aftermath of the storm, and in the early morning light, she looked down at Lena’s face. She took in the gentle slope of her nose, the fluttering eyelashes, and the slightly parted lips, and with a sad smile, Kara ran her fingers over Lena’s soft hair for a moment, thinking about how young she looked. Her anger at the world made her seem older than her years, for she had endured much, yet in sleep, it was washes away by tantalizing dreams and the sharp angles softened into an elegant beauty. Lena’s words about Kara becoming a poet came back to her, and she knew that If she _did_ write poetry, she would’ve written about how it felt to wake up beside her, to wake up next to such a lovely sight.

 

            Sadness welled up inside Kara, and she couldn’t stay there any longer, no matter how much she wished to stay by Lena’s side for just a moment longer. Carefully, she cupped Lena’s head, lifting it off her shoulder and lowering it to the bedroll, and then Kara draped her blanket over the top of her, tucking the edges in. She hesitated for a moment, watching Lena breathe evenly, before she half-crawled out of the cave, bracing herself against the strong wind. No one else was awake yet, and so Kara started a fire with the remainder of the driftwood and then set off down the beach to fetch more. She’d accumulated an armful by the time she’d rounded the corner and left the caves just out of sight, and she suddenly had the urge to stop, dropping the wood to the damp sand beneath her feet. Stood at the edge of the water, Kara could almost imagine that she was stood at the edge of the world, for there was nothing before her, just the endless sea and whatever mysteries lay beneath its surface. She wished more than anything she could find a boat and set off south, skimming the waves as she left all her problems behind her.

 

            All of a sudden, the overwhelming urge to cry swept over Kara, and she grit her teeth as her eyes prickled. She was frustrated. Stooping down, Kara picked up a small pebble and with a hoarse shout she threw it as hard as she could, watching it plop into the water and send ripples cascading outwards until they melded with the small waves. Again and again she threw pebbles, sometimes skimming them and sometimes throwing them as far as she could, and with each toss, she could almost believe that she threw her troubles away with them. But she didn’t, and her troubles snuck up on her again.

 

            “Kara.”

 

            She let out a weary sigh at the sound of Lena’s voice; she just wanted to be able to not feel the way that she did. She wanted to rid herself of the anguish in her heart whenever she so much as looked at Lena, and more than anything, she wanted to be able to tell Lena of her true feelings. If it hadn’t been for Jack, she would’ve told her, even if Lena told her that she didn’t return her feelings; it would be as simple as that. There was no overcoming the vow she’d made before the gods though, and Kara knew it would only cause more trouble for them if she made her feelings clear.

 

            “What do you want, Lena?” Kara asked, not unkindly, but her voice was tired and she couldn’t bring herself to face her right now. There were too many pent up feelings within her, roiling around and making her frustration grow. A gentle hand on her shoulder firmly turned her around, and Lena looked at her with concern in her eyes. There was a small crease between her eyebrows, and her head was tilted to the side as she gazed intently at Kara’s face.

 

            “You have not slept,” Lena murmured.

 

            Kara let out a breathless laugh, shivering slightly in the cold air as she turned her gaze to her left, taking in the sight of the rising sun. “No, my thoughts were troubled.”

 

            “You have been saying that more frequently as of late,” Lena said, pressing her lips together in a grim line. “It pains me to see you suffer when you will not tell me of the cause. And do not say you do not wish to bother me with them.”

 

            “It’s nothing, I just-“

 

            “The truth, please Kara,” Lena interrupted her, her frown deepening slightly. “Each time you tell me of what is bothering you, I know you tell me of a trifling matter instead of what has long been growing within you.”

 

            Grimacing, Kara watched as seagulls rose battled against the wind, seemingly floating in midair as they made shrill sounds. “I cannot tell you the truth.”

 

            “Cannot or will not?”

 

            “Both.”

 

            Lena put both hands on Kara’s shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze. “I-is the fault with me then? Y-you will not even look me in the eye. Have I caused offense?”

 

            Kara snorted, forcing herself to meet Lena’s gaze for just a moment. “The fault lies within myself, and I am the bringer of my own unhappiness, for I hunger for the impossible.”

 

            “You _are_ the impossible,” Lena simply told her. “You make all the colours fiery, and the truth believable. Escape the shadows of your mind and cling to the light you hold within. Do not falter now, for you have ever been the dreamer and it would sadden me to see you forget to believe in dreams.”

 

            “I may have lost myself,” Kara whispered, her face crumpling with pain, “the person I used to be seems so far away from me.”

 

            “You are what you surrender to,” Lena firmly told her, the wind swirling around her and tossing her hair around her face as she looked fiercely at Kara. “And we are Kryptonians, and we do _not_ surrender. You have the strength to face anything – even the darkest parts of yourself.”

 

            Kara nodded, throwing her shoulders back and taking a deep breath. Lena was right, and the only thing keeping Kara trapped were her own dark thoughts, the ones that whispered to her late at night and sowed seeds of doubt in her mind. There were so many laws and rules of the land, and she could not pursue Lena with them dangling over their heads, but she was the queen and she could do what she pleased. Lena had told her that once, and Kara had been too scared to take control of her own life, to fight against millennia of traditions, but she could change the laws. She had the power to free herself. She was in a cage of her own design, and she would create a way out.

 

            Her journey had been filled with a thousand conflicting emotions, but her pain changed her path, and as they stood in hushed silence, staring beyond the rolling waves and low grey clouds, Kara realized the simplest thing; love is all.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't literally mean 30 chapters lmao, I don't even have a plan. Nothing is pre-written, and bc I do daily updates I'm just making it up as I go along, so please bear with me you wonderful readers

            They rode along the coast for weeks, the cliffs soon giving way to the rising and falling sand dunes, and the snow really started to settle in. Still, even the swirling snowflakes settling in their hair and freezing them to their saddles wasn’t enough to dampen Kara’s spirits, and she found herself happier than she had been the whole trip. She was going to tell Lena.

 

            Not yet, but she had promised herself that day on the beach, and when they’d passed a copse of Rao’s trees on the outskirts of a small fishing village, she’d made a silent prayer and told him of her desires and her wishes and her promises. She would do it once her coronation tour was over, when they were safely back in Kandor, but only _after_ she got every scholar to find a loophole in the legitimacy of marriages. She was adamant that she wouldn’t bring shame upon Lena by asking her to break her marriage vows. Once she had an answer though, she would tell Lena, and she would present her with the option of annulment firstly, so that she knew that Kara wanted her to be free no matter what. It would not be a bargaining tool for her to hold over Lena’s head to make her return Kara’s feelings, but Kara hoped that she returned them all the same, of her own free will. In a few months, she could tell her.

 

            She was still smiling to herself about her decision when they came to a stop for the night. They had stumbled upon a band of troubadours camped under the open sky, their colourful tents and wagons haphazardly placed around small campfires, and children ran around while adults shouted back and forth. Excited at the prospect of some hot food and songs, Kara cheerfully swung herself down off her horse, placing her hands on her hips as she looked around the white wasteland dotted with tents, and looked towards the woman walking towards her. They exchanged few words, and were welcomed with open arms and an invitation to hitch their horses up to a nearby tree and join them at the bonfire in the very middle of their camp. Kara was even happier than she had been minutes ago, and Alex was nearby, fiddling with her horse’s reins as she staked him to the ground for the night and looked up to see her sister’s face split with a wide smile. “You seem in higher spirits of late, sister. I fear that we haven’t been able to openly speak of your troubles with ears so close by, but I take it all is well?”

 

            Kara smiled widely at her, “I have a plan; I shall tell her soon.”

 

            Alex’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and she fiddled with the straps of her saddle, before giving Kara a soft smile, reaching out to give Kara’s hand a squeeze. “Then I hope it all goes to plan, and I would be of service to you if there is any I can provide.”

 

            “What secrets are you two sharing?” Lena asked, smiling slightly as she approached with a water skin in her hand. She held it out towards Kara, her eyes drilling into her with an intensity that set Kara’s heart racing and a warm feeling spread through her as she stamped down a blush. Taking the water skin off her, Kara gave Lena a small smile.

 

            “You shall know soon enough,” Kara told her, biting her lip slightly. She unstoppered the water skin and took a sip, coughing when she realized it wasn’t water. “Where did you get this?” Kara spluttered, wiping her mouth on the back of her hand while Lena and Alex laughed. Narrowing her eyes slightly, Kara took a bigger mouthful, letting the burning liquor warm her up.

 

            Lena smiled, taking it back and handing it to Alex. “A man in the camp gave it to me. There’s a lot more, so I think we’ll all be well into our cups tonight.”

 

            “Gods that’s strong,” Alex said, handing the skin back to Lena. “I fear that a little more and we’ll be struggling to stay in our saddles in the morning.”

 

            They all laughed and continued to unsaddle the horse, before making their way towards the middle of the camp and sitting down beside the bonfire.

 

\---

 

            The moonless sky was dark, and the fire and strong mead chased away the chill of the night as they laughed and drunkenly sang along with the troubadours. They had been welcoming, offering hot stew and warm bread and plenty of drink to their guests, and in return Kara had sang them a few songs she’d picked up on the road with Alex, and they had been delighted by them. Now, they all sang along as the troubadours took up a tune with their pipes and fiddles, passing around wineskins and cups of ale. In the dark, everything was bathed in an orange light, and things blurred slightly together as the drink took hold of their minds. Only Kal was reserved in his drinking, keeping a watchful eye on Kara to make sure that she remained safe, despite the welcoming merriment of their company.

 

            As the fiddles changed to another song, Kara shot up out of her seat and she stumbled forward a few steps, finding gentle hands steadying her. She looked up into Lena’s questioning eyes, ensuring that she was okay, and Kara let out a loud laugh, lacing their fingers together and dragging Lena closer to the fire. “Dance with me,” Kara shouted, a joyful smile on her face as she picked up Lena’s other hand and started spinning them in circles.

 

            Lena’s cold exterior had warmed slightly with the drink, and she was quick to oblige, letting Kara spin her around while she laughed. They weren’t the only ones dancing, but hidden beneath the moonless sky, staring into Lena’s wild eyes, Kara felt so close to her, and although the was afraid to pursue Lena in that moment, it was hard to keep everything straight in her drunken mind. Abruptly stopping, Kara caught Lena as she stumbled towards her, and steadied her, taking in the slight frown that graced Lena’s face. “I- excuse me, I need air.”

 

            “We’re outside,” Lena laughed, looking confused, but Kara just dropped her hands and walked away. She passed the inner ring of tents and wove through wagons and small caravans, finding relief in the cold air that she sucked in through trembling lips. The fire had been stiflingly hot, and she could feel herself becoming delirious from too much drinking and dancing, she needed a few minutes to clear her head and organize her thoughts. She was waiting to tell Lena for a reason, it would not do to waver now. Once again, her nerves were too fragile, and she suppressed a laugh at the thought of how she was supposed to be a fearless queen, when she was hovering near the end of her struggles and couldn’t even muster up the courage to say it before she had a reason to.

 

            Taking a quick walk around the perimeter of the camp, leaving light footprints in the snow, and smaller ones beside her as Streaky padded along silently, Kara turned her gaze upwards towards the stars, counting them to distract herself, until she looked at the little red one that was said to be Rao’s star. She frowned as she looked at it twinkling brightly in the pitch black of the night, and nearby she could hear the sounds of the troubadours noisily having fun, but it all seemed so disjointed and out of touch to Kara as she pondered her thoughts. She almost pitied the night for having to put up with her overactive imagination as she ran over every scenario in her head, and the consequences of her actions. With a heavy sigh, she looked upon that red star, silently praying for the strength to hold on for a little while longer.

 

            Kicking up some snow, Kara slowly began making her way around the outskirts camp again, and it wasn’t until she heard close voices that she slowed, frowning as she recognized them, and heard the anger in them. Cautiously approaching their horses that they’d tied up to graze earlier on, Kara looked at the silhouettes of the two people arguing.

 

            “Do you think me a fool? I know what they are - what they’re for – I asked one of the healing women in the camp,” Jack furiously whispered, barely managing to keep his voice down as he waved a bundle around in his hands.

 

            “You had no right to go snooping through my bags,” Lena hissed, the stubborn tilt of her jaw clear by the outline of her from light of a nearby fire.

 

            Jack let out a humourless bark of laughter, “no right? I have every right, I am your _husband_ , and you will do what I let you.”

 

            “What you _let_ me?” Lena incredulously asked, “I am _not_ your property. I am not some brood mare for you to buy to provide you with heirs.”

 

            “That is _exactly_ why I have you. I am your husband, and I have been good to you, Lena, I have asked for nothing off you but children. I have never even asked for you to _love_ me. You do not know how lucky you are, for no other man would’ve have taken you – no other man would’ve taken a bastard-“

 

            “Is there a problem here?” Kara coolly interrupted, and both of them jumped as they turned to look at Kara, taking in her blazing eyes and the sharp angles of her face as she stared at Jack in anger.

 

            There was an awkward moment of silence as they all stood there, and Lena wouldn’t meet Kara’s gaze when she spared her a glance. Raising her eyebrows expectantly, Kara gave Jack a cold look, and he quickly bowed to her. “Forgive us, Your Majesty. There is a private matter we are disagreeing on.”

 

            “I know of the matter,” Kara stiffly said, raising her chin and throwing her shoulders back. “And the blame is not to be laid upon your wife, for she carries those herbs because of me.”

 

            Lena’s head snapped up and her eyes widened slightly at the insinuation behind Kara’s words, for they were true but were wrongly interpreted by Jack. His mouth fell open, and he quickly snapped it shut as he flushed red with embarrassment. “Forgive me-“

 

            “Lena, the night is late, you should retire for we shall be off early in the morning. It is cold tonight – there is room for another in my tent.” Nodding at the dismissal, Lena drew her cloak around herself and made her way towards Kara’s small tent. Some of the troubadours slept in big tents, piled together on the floor, and the rest of their party had been offered a place where they could find it, but Kara didn’t want Lena to be left alone after harsh words with her husband. She waited until Lena was out of sight, and then Jack bowed, about to take his leave, and Kara stopped him with a hard grip on his arm.

 

            Her voice was low and full of anger as she looked him in the eye. “You will not speak to her like that ever again. Do you understand me? You may love her, but you do not care for her as I do, and I will have her out of your grip the moment you so much as speak unkindly towards her again. And if you _ever_ raise a hand against her, you will find yourself without hands.”

 

            Jack didn’t reply, he just ducked his head as he bowed and then walked off, leaving Kara stood alone in the dark. Her threats were of little consequence, for she knew that Jack would never strike Lena, but she would have him know that she wouldn’t allow anyone to speak to Lena like that – not even her own husband. They may have taken their vows beneath the sight of the gods, but Kara was the queen, and she would protect Lena from anyone, vows be damned.

 

            Running her hands through her hair, Kara let out a weary sigh, her breath puffing out before her as her feet kicked up snow. Slowly, she made her way back to the fire, checking on her sister and wishing her a goodnight, before she made her way over to her small tent. There was a dark lump inside, and she crawled in next to Lena, who stirred slightly as she turned to face Kara. “Forgive me, I have taken your blanket,” Lena murmured, and Kara winced slightly at the hoarse sound of her voice. His words had hurt her.

 

            “Keep it,” Kara gently told her, drawing her cloak around herself as she lay on the edge of her bedroll. Shaking out the blanket, Lena draped it over the two of them and Kara smiled slightly to herself as Lena pressed up close to her. “Lena … what he said, it wasn’t true.”

 

            “It was,” Lena whispered, “no one else would’ve wanted me. No one else would’ve _loved_ me.”

 

            “I do,” Kara said, “I have cared for you above everything else in the world. You are so dear to me, and it hurts to see you in so much pain. You’re not alone though, Lena, I just think you’re afraid that you do not feel loved enough, but you _are_ loved.” It was as much of an admission as she could give, and it was more than she had intended to say, but there had been a voice in the back of her mind just urging her to say it. Lena would take the words as nothing more than love born of friendship, but she would have her know that there was someone who loved her deeply in at least one way. Isolation and loneliness had led her to a solitary world, but Kara would have Lena know that she did not need to stay there.

 

            “I know you care for me, and you have brought me so much happiness since your return,” Lena murmured, and there was a light in her voice, replacing the strained pain from harsh words.

 

            “I would see you happy all the time,” Kara sighed.

 

            “Then never let me part from your side,” Lena told her, and Kara let out a quiet laugh.

 

            “Never,” Kara promised.

 

\---

 

            They awoke early the next morning, dark hair mingling with golden, and Lena had moved during the night so that she with her head in the crook of Kara’s shoulder, and Kara had wrapped an arm around her, holding her tightly against her chest. They’d both abruptly jolted awake at the shifting of Streaky as the wolf climbed to her feet, and there had been a moment of confused awkwardness as they both realized the positions they had been in, and then Kara had quickly excused herself and crawled out of the tent as quickly as possible.

 

            They would soon be upon Xan City, and they had another castle to reach before then. Kara hoped they would reach there by noon so that they could enjoy a nice midday meal, for good meals were far between on the road. The thought of food made her stomach rumble, and Kara quickly found her way to the centre of the camp, straightening her cloak as she stumbled upon the bonfire and Alex and Maggie already spooning porridge into their mouths.

 

            “Good morning,” Kara yawned, taking a seat beside Alex and reaching out towards the fire to warm her hands through the gloves. “You look terrible.”

 

            “You don’t,” Alex grumbled, “you look like you’ve slept better than you have in weeks.” Kara just shrugged at her comment and stared into the flames, watching it spit sparks into the cool air before they were swept away on a light breeze.

 

            She found herself a bowl of porridge and quickly wolfed it down while it was still hot, and she watched as Lena made her way over to the fire not too long later, with Jack in tow, him looking apologetic and rough after a night of drinking, and Lena looking pissed off. “Looks like they’re quarreling,” Maggie said, her watchful eyes picking up on the tension.

 

            “Do you know what it’s about?” Alex asked Kara, who froze slightly.

 

            Clearing her throat, Kara hesitated for a moment, choosing her words carefully. “It is a personal matter, and we should not pry.”

 

            That settled the matter, and soon enough everyone was gathered around their horses, their saddles secured and packs fastened, and with their gratitude to the troubadours, they were off. It was a still day, and after the amount of drinking that some of them had done last night, they weren’t in a talkative mood, and the tension between Lena and Jack only served to add to the grim morning. On and on they trudged, and the miles quickly passed them by in silence, nothing but the howl of the wind and the sound of the restless sea not far off to their left.

 

            The only good thing to come out of their dampened spirits was the fact that they made more progress than they would’ve if they’d been singing and tossing jokes back and forth as they rearranged their positions depending on who they wanted to have a conversation with. Instead, they all sat hunched over their horses, bracing themselves against the cold as they plodded along in single file. They were fortunate enough to see the lumpy shape of a castle approaching on the horizon just before noon, and Kara let out a sigh of relief at the sight – it looked like they would be getting their good meal, and she secretly hoped it would put everyone in a better mood.

 

            It was almost another hour before they found their horse’s hooves clopping along on the cobblestoned path leading up to the gates. It was the home of the House of Ur, and as they approached the gate – Kara having donned her crown and a fine long yellow coat over her shirt and leggings – they were met with a few rushing soldiers, who were quick to fetch Dax-Ur, the current lord of the house. They were still dismounting when he all but ran out into the courtyard, his thin face pale and scared as he approached Kara and knelt before her. He wasn’t a big man – he had devoted himself to the Science Guild, and had spent endless hours in workshops – but he looked almost frail as he extended a sealed scroll with a shaking hand. She looked down at Astra’s seal embedded in the white wax, and Kara frowned as she tore it open, her eyes scanning the words.

 

            She could feel the blood drain out of her face, and fear took hold in her heart as she turned to face Alex, who was looking at her with concern. “What is it?” Alex asked, and Kara held the letter out.

 

            “Daxam. They’re here.”

 

            “Fuck!” Alex loudly swore, reading over the elegant script and passing it back to Kara. “What now?”

 

            Kara swallowed the lump in her throat, looking at each face in turn, her eyes lingering on Lena’s face a little longer. “Now, the path has been chosen for me. We are at war. Now, I ask that you all follow me down this path, for we must hasten to the Westfold plains and join my aunt and my army.”

 

            “I would follow you over any path,” Alex quickly agreed, and everyone else quickly agreed.

 

            “Then we leave immediately. They have taken our amour with them in anticipation of us joining them, and my aunt has mustered my army. Daxam has taken Argo City already, and Astra already rides towards them. We shall ride north and join with them as they march west.”

 

            Hauling herself back up into her saddle, Kara spared a quick thank you for Dax-Ur before she wheeled Comet around and was galloping out of the gate while everyone else was still scrambling up onto their own horses.

 

            She rode hard, urging her horse onwards, and Kara couldn’t stop herself from shaking, and she clenched her jaw to keep herself from crying. For all their talk of war, she had been hoping she wouldn’t have to take that path, but it had been lain before her feet, and now she would take it, for she had set herself upon this course. She had denied Mon-El of a wife in order for her to pursue her feelings for Lena, and now all she prayed for was that it would be worth it in the end.


	22. Chapter 22

            They barely stopped at all over the next few weeks, and they wore themselves out at the fast pace that Kara set. She was sick with worry, and she barely spoke to any of them at all, and when she did she snapped or was snarky, and everyone was in a terrible mood as they raced across the country. Over and over again, Kara couldn’t help but think about what she was getting everyone into – thousands of innocent lives were at stake, all because she was too in love with someone to even consider a marriage. She hadn’t regretted her decision yet though, and her biggest fear was that she would. A part of Kara was terrified that in the end she would think that Lena hadn’t been worth it, and the thought scared her more than anything because she would hate for the war to twist something so beautiful and pure as her love for Lena.

 

            With each step though, Kara’s fear grew, and she was anxious and tense as she sat on the back of her horse, dreading the thought of war. She had never even been in a proper battle before, only one on one fights that had barely lasted ten minutes at the most, and she was expected to fight for hours on end in sieges and battles, and Kara was scared that she wouldn’t be deserving of her crown. The people needed a strong leader, and she didn’t doubt that she’d be prompted to return home to let everyone else fight the war for her once negotiations were out of the way, but she wouldn’t let them do it. She wouldn’t be able to sit on her throne and know that she had sent people to die for her and had locked herself away behind tall walls. She felt sick about the whole thing.

 

            They rode north-easterly for a month, riding as far as they could each day, and as they passed other travelers on the rode, the news of the Daxamites invading was slowly starting to spread south-east. From what Kara picked up along the way, it seemed like they were waiting for something, and a part of her wondered if it was _her_. They must’ve known that someone as honourable as her would fight her own battles, and they had taken Argo City, the place that she was born, purposely. She hated to think about them filling the streets with their soldiers and slaughtering the innocent citizens, and Kara urged her horse onwards with a burning fury. They couldn’t have her country.

 

            “Kara,” Alex’s ragged voice came from behind her, and Kara slowed slightly, realizing that they weren’t keeping up with her. Turning around, she took in the dark circles under everyone’s eyes and the sweaty, heaving sides of the horses. “We must rest. The sun has long since gone down. Those lights – we come upon a village - we can find proper shelter and a tavern.”

 

            Fighting back her fear and restlessness, Kara silently nodded, knowing that they couldn’t keep up the grueling pace for much longer. She would run them all into the ground if they carried on, and just one look at Lena’s tired eyes was enough to make her calm herself down just a little bit. Her fear was making her panic too much. Urging her horse on more slowly this time, Kara made for the small village and the hope of some hot food and a warm fire.

 

            “I know this place,” Lena murmured through chattering teeth as they rode into the village. “We are not so far from Thorul – a little over a day’s ride south-west of it.”

 

            “We should be crossing paths with General In-Ze soon. Perhaps a few more days if they have made good time,” James said, almost sounding relieved at the thought of a slower march to war.

 

            Soon enough they were all dismounting, and a young girl came out of the tavern to help them take their horses to the stables around the back, and Kara sent Streaky with them. Unbuckling their bags, they left her to unsaddle them and made their way into the warm building. The tavern was filled with laughter and music, and somehow that made Kara feel even more tense as they squeezed through the crowded room. The owner gave them the keys to two rooms, and a serving boy carried all of their bags upstairs for them while the party sat themselves down at a table in the back corner and a manner of food and drinks were brought over to them. In brooding silence, Kara drank her mead and tore chunks off the fresh bread as she dipped it in the hot stew. No one had much to say and so they got drunk in silence instead.

 

            Hunched over in her seat, Kara’s eyes darted around the room for any signs of danger, and there was a twisting feeling in her stomach at the sight of so many happy people. They were just normal people – farmers, blacksmiths, tanners and weavers – they had no place in a war, yet soon enough they might have no choice. She would bring ruin and destruction down on these people if she wasn’t careful. With any luck she would be able to reason with Daxam – there might be something Rhea or Mon-El wanted besides her.

 

            “You’re not from around here,” a drunken man said to Kara’s right, and she sighed as she looked up at him. His friends were behind him and they all wore smiles that spoke of friendship, yet there was no denying the leering looks they gave them. They were trouble.

 

            “Indeed we’re not, friend,” Kal said, giving the man a polite nod as he lifted his cup. “We travel from the south.”

 

            The man’s eyebrows shot up and he let out a quick laugh, lurching slightly to the side. “Seems to me like you should turn around and go back that way. If it comes to it, the war will certainly reach us here.”

 

            “Then we shall fight back against it,” Alex stubbornly replied, arching an eyebrow at the man. Him and his friends all laughed as they looked at Alex.

 

            “A slight thing like you? War is no place for you,” one of them laughed, and Kara and Maggie both tensed at the same time, but a look off Alex was enough to keep them both in their seats. “And you, by the gods, you’re a pretty one.”

 

            Kara shot the man a look as he reached out to stroke Lena’s cheek, and Lena snorted as she knocked his hand aside and he stumbled slightly. He took a step forward and Kara, Jack and Alex were all on their feet, staring at the man, and he quickly held his hands up in surrender, and with narrowed eyes, the three of them sat back down. Picking up her clay cup, Kara filled it with some ale as they tried to ignore the men.

 

            “Hey, wait a moment ... I know you. I’ve seen you here before,” one of the men said, squinting at Lena as he tried to remember how. His eyes widened slightly as he came to his realization. “You’re that Luthor basta-“

 

            He didn’t get to finish the word before Kara had drained her cup and smashed it over his head, the clay shattering and falling to the floor as the last remnants of mead trickled down his face. She was sick of people using the circumstances of Lena’s birth against her, and she was sick of being scared about the war, and most of all she was sick of loving Lena and not having the courage to tell her yet. With all the pent up frustration and fear she’d accumulated since finding out about the Daxamites, Kara’s temper was short, and she was in no mood to sit there and let the men speak to Lena in such a way. She didn’t even give the man enough time to catch his bearings after being hit with the cup, before she threw the next punch, hitting him squarely on the jaw. She heard a sigh from across from her, and then Alex was wearily draining her cup and climbing to her feet. They'd been in enough tavern fights before, and the sisters had always had each others backs.

 

            One of them made a grab for Alex, but she caught him by the wrist and twisted it hard before headbutting him in the nose and swearing loudly at the pain that lanced through her forehead. Kara threw herself at the next man, and he stumbled into a man who was caught in conversation with another, spilling his ale everywhere, and then _he_ turned and grabbed the man by the back of his jerkin and punched him in the stomach. And then there was an outright brawl. Kara had so much repressed anger inside her, and with the amount that they’d been drinking, she was less tolerable and patient than she usually was, and she was also less coordinated, finding herself on the receiving end of some hard punches as the whole room descended into chaos.

 

            The brawl came to a halt only five minutes later, and the men that had started it were thrown out into the cold and Kara and her party were given a stern warning to sit down and finish their meal in peace or they would find themselves joining them. It was already late anyway, and the tavern was slowly emptying as they sat back down at their table. Kara’s nose was bleeding, but it didn’t seem broken, and as she pinched the bridge of it, she cast a look at her friends. They were all flushed, and a smattering of cuts covered their faces and Kara knew that in the morning they’d all be sporting nasty bruises in a variety of colours. Lena was better off than anyone else, and so she fetched a bowl of water and sat down next to Kara to tend her wounds first. She didn’t speak, and although her touch was gentle, she was silently fuming.

 

            “Sorry,” Kara murmured as Lena mopped up the blood on her chin.

 

            Lena’s shoulders tensed and she clenched her jaw as she wrung out the bloody cloth, turning the clear was pink. “You are the _Queen_ ; you should not be brawling in taverns over the words of a drunkard. Especially when you yourself have been drinking. Your aunt will have our heads if we let anything happen to you.”

 

            “And you are my … _friend,_ and I will defend your honour if it is insulted,” Kara stubbornly replied. Lena dabbed at cut on Kara’s cheekbone, and Kara hissed in pain as the cut stung.

 

            “I do not _need_ you to defend my honour,” Lena stiffly told her. “I can protect myself, and my skin is thicker than you think.”

 

            “Is it?” Kara scoffed, thinking back to the way that Jack’s words had hurt Lena when they argued. She put on a brave face and a cold front, but there was no denying that Lena was afraid that no one would love her for only being half a Luthor, and Kara didn’t want her to feel like she was any less for it. She would’ve fought every person in the tavern single-handedly for so much as _looking_ at Lena the wrong way.

 

            Dropping the cloth into the bowl, Lena wiped her hands on the bottom of her shirt and climbed to her feet, stalking off towards the staircase without another word, and Kara wanted to kick herself for her words. She didn’t want to fight with Lena, but tensions were running high and even after relieving some of it in a fight, they were all still anxious about what was to come next.

 

            “Don’t worry,” Alex told her, giving Kara’s arm a gentle squeeze. “She’s just worried is all.” Kara nodded, looking down at Alex’s hand and looking at her bloodied knuckles. With a sigh, Kara pulled the bowl to her and wrung out the cloth, before taking Alex’s hand in her own and dabbing at the cuts.

 

            They all went to bed soon after, and when Kara, Alex and Maggie came up to their room, they looked at the lump under the blankets and were careful to be quiet when Lena didn’t stir. Kara grabbed her own blanket from the back and made herself up a bed on the floor, not wishing to disturb Lena, and she had a whispered argument with Alex about her taking the other bed that was supposed to be for her and Maggie. In the end, Alex had sighed and relented, throwing Kara the blanket from her pack so that she could make a pillow with it.

 

\---

 

            They had a quick breakfast downstairs the next morning, everyone wincing at their injuries from the fight, and a flicker of pain crossed Kara’s face when she saw the purple bruise ringing Lena’s right eye the next morning. They all looked awful, and Kara didn’t feel guilty about standing up for Lena, but she did feel a little bit bad as she looked at everyone else’s bruised faces. They didn’t complain though, and the warm bread, fresh fruits and hot porridge, on top of a good night’s sleep in a warm bed, was enough to put them in slightly better mood as they sat by the fire and ate breakfast. They didn’t linger though, and the sun had only just finished rising when their horses were saddled and they were leaving the village behind them.

 

            And so their frantic race across the country began again, and their mood dampened again at the grueling pace and the wintery weather that pressed upon them. The snow fell heavier the further north-westerly that they rode, and when it was too cold to snow, they would all violently shiver on their horses wishing that it _would_ snow, if only so that it would be marginally warmer. Still, they followed Kara on and on, and she was grateful for their unwavering trust and loyalty, and she knew that she would treasure it even more once the war actually came. There was a seed of fear in her heart though at the thought of Lena and Alex fighting – she would be able to bear it if something happened to the others, even if she felt bad for thinking it, but she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if anything happened to Alex and Lena. With every step they took, the seed grew bigger, and when they saw the first soldiers of her army marching west a few days later, Kara didn’t think she had any more room in her heart for fear.

 

            It was almost a relief to find them, and Kara took in the sight of thousands of men and women slowly marching forward, outfitted in all manners of leather and metal armour, under the banners of a dozen different lords and ladies. There were more to come; this was just a small amount from the eastern edges of her kingdom, mustered by Astra and whoever else was close enough to receive word straight away. Once the ravens had been sent, others would’ve started their own marching towards Argo City, and they would be so vast in numbers that Kara knew they would fill the plains that stretched before the gates of the city. Still, they had a few more weeks of marching before them before they would near the city, and there was much that Kara needed to be filled in on. Urging her horse forward, Kara rode down the length of the column of solider’s, seeking out Astra at the head of the army, and she almost broke down at the sight of her aunt, looking so calm and composed as she rode west on her huge charger.

 

            “Aunt!” Kara shouted as she neared her, reining in her horse to slow down. Astra turned to look at her, blinking in surprise at the cuts and bruises on Kara’s face that were still healing.

 

            “Your Majesty,” Astra said, her voice filled with relief at the sight of her mostly unharmed. Breaking away from the front of the column, Astra, as well as the rest of Kara’s council, rode over to the weary, travel-stained and sore party. The lead was given to General Lane, who bowed to Kara from the back of his horse as he continued to lead the army onwards. Dismounting, Kara’s knees almost buckled as she stood on firm ground, and she quickly clasped her aunt’s forearm before pulling her into a hug. “What trouble did you find yourself in?”

 

            Kara breathlessly laughed, her breath puffing out before her in the cold air. “Nothing more than a quarrel in a tavern. Tell me, what is our plan?”

 

            Nodding, Astra dove straight into the details, and servants rushed over with chairs and a small canopy to shelter them from the snow as they quickly fell into conversation about the war. They were brought hot wine and warm buns with currants baked in them, and for the first time in weeks, they allowed themselves to rest under the wintery midday sun while maps were weighted down on a table and little figures were spread out.

 

            “General Zod has already arrived at the battlefield and has sent ravens to us informing us of their numbers. As many as fifty-thousand have landed on the western shores, but he estimates only thirty-thousand have taken up occupation within and outside the walls of Argo City. From his reports it’s suggested that Lady Ursa was taken prisoner during the siege, but has not been harmed, and the civilian casualties have been minor. Quex-Ul has brought his army down from Ma’aleca’andra, and Non has emptied Fort Rozz. We expect at least a hundred-thousand, not all of them well trained, but numbers will be more important than skill. The cavalry will be the brute of our force – we have thirty-thousand upon horses. I would lead the vanguard, General Zod the southern flank, and General Lane the northern. Our Navy lies to the south, gathering at the port in Xan City, and I would see that it has a good leader.”

 

            Kara looked towards Kal. “Cousin, you have been born and raised on the sea, you shall lead the navy. Bring them up to the eastern shore and ensure that they do not have an exit. Only engage in battle when necessary – for I fear that they will have more ships sailing for us and we shall need all of our boats to cut them off from supplies and reinforcements. I would agree with your plans, aunt, and you may lead the vanguard, for you know more about war than I, but I shall ride beside you.”

 

            Astra’s mouth fell open, and she started to protest, but Kara held up a hand to cut her off. “I know you would have me leave after we have negotiated the rules of war, but I am not a coward. I _will_ fight for my crown, my kingdom, and _my_ decision, otherwise I would not deserve to sit upon my throne. Now, what is our siege plan?” Kara asked.

 

            “Hopefully they will be drawn out into battle on the plains, but the Labour Guild has been designing siege weapons. Lord Schott?”

 

            Winn stepped forward, clearing his throat as she spread out rolled up parchment containing diagrams and plans. “We have new plans for trebuchets – they can fire a heavier load and with a longer distance. There’s also these large crossbows, which will make it easier to hoist up our ladders. There is new designs for a battering ram too, which has a spiked metal end so that the wood should splinter easily beneath it. The defences have been planned too – we shall dig a trench at our front in case they try a night attack – and we have been working with the Science Guild on flammable substances that may be useful to create fire bombs or barriers if the need arises.”

 

            Lillian nodded and elaborated on Winn’s explanation. “If we coat the missiles in the trebuchets with a substance we have devised, and then light it on fire, we can take out more of the city with fire. The same goes for creating barriers of fire – for the horses will be frightened of it, and it causes severe burns. I would use it as a last defence, for it will hinder our ability to cross it too. It is more of a weapon to be used in the case of a retreat so that we can buy ourselves enough time to escape.”

 

            “I would not have us use the trebuchets unless it is necessary,” Kara told them. “My people are inside Argo City too, and I would not send them to their deaths to wipe out the enemy. This substance will prove useful – I would have arrows coated in it too for the archers to use. It shall be used, as you say, as a last defence, but I would not see us retreat from a fight. We are not cowards.”

 

            “Of course not,” Astra agreed, “but if the need arises to get you to safety, then we shall burn down all within our path to see you escape.” Kara pressed her lips into a grim line, but she didn’t argue. She knew that she wouldn’t willingly give up, but she also knew her family wouldn’t let her die on the field if it could be helped.

 

            “Then we should press onwards,” Kara said, standing up tall and taking a deep breath. Now they would make the long march towards the front lines of the battle, and there would be no turning back now. She would face her enemies on the battlefield, and she would kill everyone who stood between her and her chance to be with Lena.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You wanted it like this, right?

           It was another month of marching before they came upon the arming sprawled out along the horizon. It was all of their soldiers who were there already, and Kara let out a breathless exclamation at the sheer number of tents spread out before her. Some of the tents belonged to those who had ridden on ahead to set up Kara’s private tent, as well as the command pavilion where they would convene to talk about their strategy. As Kara reined in her horse, she took in the sight of men and women rushing around in clinking armour and tents being pitched, and the sound of weapons being sharpened, horses whinnying, orders being shouted. It was organized chaos, and Kara found it hard to breathe as she took in the sight of the war camp. It was all too real now.

 

           As she swung down off her horse, most people didn’t give her a second glance. They didn’t know what the Queen looked like – they’d never seen her before, and all they would’ve heard is that she had golden hair, and possibly blue eyes. Astra dismounted too though, as well as the other Lords and Ladies, and they respectfully waited for Kara to lead the way, and that was when everyone realized. Slowly, all of the soldiers turned to stare, dropping to their knees and pressing a fist to their chest as they realized who walked among them.

 

           Hesitantly, Kara walked over the frostbitten grass, Streaky staying close to her side with raised hackles as she took in the sight of so many people, and Kara made for the red tent with her sigil flying above it. The tent was sparsely decorated, but it was luxurious and comfortable compared to sleeping on the cold, hard ground as she been doing for months, and it was a lot better than what she knew the common soldiers would be sleeping on for the next gods knew how long. With a tired sigh, Kara collapsed onto the low chair, looking at the fur covered cot that she was longing to fall onto and sleep for a week. There was a dummy stood off to one side holding her armour, and Kara stared at the metal with grim determination. She would don it tomorrow, and the smooth, unmarked metal would become dented and scratches as she cut a path through her enemies. Staring at the symbol on the gorget, she thought about what the House of El stood for – it was a symbol of hope, and she was hoping that it would still be true once the ground beneath their feet was stained red with blood.

 

           “I shall have someone fetch you some food and drink while I find our Generals,” Astra said, and Kara gave her a small smile, watching as the heavy tent flaps closed behind her. Looking up at Alex, Kara furrowed her eyebrows together in fear.

 

           “Alex? Do you think I’ve made a mistake bringing us here?” Kara asked, sounding so young in her self-doubt.

 

           Kneeling before her, Alex gave her a reassuring smile, taking Kara’s gloved hands in her own. “I think that it is a necessary action for the greater good of the kingdom. The other option was for you to marry an arrogant fool and leave your home, and I would slaughter everyone on the battlefield alone to keep you here.”

 

           “You know that it is not only to stay here that I declined him,” Kara murmured, looking down at her hands clutched in Alex’s. Giving her hands a quick squeeze, Alex reached up to lift Kara’s head up.

 

           “You still haven’t told her, have you?”

 

           “I’ve barely had the chance to talk with her since news of the war reached us,” Kara bitterly muttered, “and she was hurt by my words, which has made her distant even when we’ve had the chance to talk.”

 

           Alex gave her a pitying smile. “Kara, I know you are my Queen, but you have always been my sister first, and I have always been honest with you – even if harsh sometimes.”

 

           Kara let out a quick laugh, “I know, sister, and I have always been grateful for you keeping me grounded, for I fear that I would have drifted off into rose-coloured dreams without your incessant nagging.”

 

           “I nag out of love only,” Alex said, giving her a warm smile, before turning serious again. She sighed quietly giving the back of Kara’s hand a gentle pat. “I know that you wanted to be noble, and honourable, and do the right thing, but … you must tell her, Kara. You must tell her of your feelings before it is too late. Tomorrow you shall negotiate, and it might fail and you might never get the chance to speak of it again, and you can't risk being distracted. If she doesn’t return your feelings, that is a heartbreak that will wound you deeply, but at least you’ll know and the torment of wondering will stop. I know she is married, and it is not right to steal another man’s wife, but you should not deny yourself the chance to share the truth and demonstrate your love.”

 

           Closing her eyes, Kara breathed deeply and exhaled sharply. She rubbed her tired eyes and looked at Alex, giving her a small smile. “You are right, and I should speak with her tonight, but for now, I fear that we shall be expected at the war council soon.”

 

\---

 

           The day had been long, and Kara had spent hours upon hours meeting with Lords, Ladies, Generals and dignified soldier’s, listening as they told her of their plans and ideas, and what had been achieved while she’d been riding here. They were miles away from the gates of Argo City, and Kara had gone to the eastern front, looking out across the vast fields before her, and in the distance, she could just about make out the shadowy bumps of the opposing army. The battlefield would be massive, and they would fill it with the sounds of their cries and screams as they clashed together.

 

           It was dark by the time they had finished talking, and she was escorted back to her tent by her Queensguard, all of them wearing their armour and walking with their hands on their swords, distrusting everyone and everything. They were at war now, and Kara knew that she had enemies – lots of them – and the chances of them being in her own camp were high. Still, she made it back safely, and she was alone in her tent, except for Streaky, taking comfort in the silence as she sorted out her thoughts over a meal of venison and roasted wild vegetables that hadn’t been touched by the frost. As soon as her plate was clean, Kara slipped off her heavy red royal cloak and changed into her tattered clothes from the road, donning the torn brown cloak and pulling her hood up to hide her face. No one would know it was her if they didn’t look too closely at the sword that hung at her waist or the face hidden in the shadows. Pulling up the bottom of the tent, Kara rolled out at the back, finding herself staring at a pair of brown boots. Glancing up, Kara met Winn’s bewildered expression.

 

           “Winn! You frightened me.”

 

           “May I ask why you’re crawling out from under the back of your tent, Your Majesty?” he asked, looking almost amused. “I figure it’s so that no one can follow you.”

 

           “Yes. I know I’m not supposed to leave my tent without an armed escort, but it’s important, and I need to do it alone, so I need you to keep this to yourself. Please.” He hesitated, and of course he had to give in, because Kara was the Queen, and if she didn’t want an escort, then she wouldn’t have one. He turned around and looked back out at the sea of tents surrounding them, and Kara climbed to her feet, breathlessly murmuring her thanks before she darted off through the tents.

 

           It took a while to find Lena’s tent, placed in the middle of thousands of tents with the orange flag with the white starling embroidered on it that symbolized house Spheer. She knew that Jack wasn’t in there – he was still standing guard outside her own tent – but still, Kara hesitated for a moment, the feeling of nervousness welling up inside her until she thought she would be sick with worry. Taking a deep breath, Kara threw her shoulders back and cleared her throat.

 

           “Lena? Are you in there? I-It’s me.”

 

           The flaps parted an instant later, and Kara gave her an uneven smile as she took in the flawless beauty of Lena’s ivory skin bathed in moonlight. “Kara. Where are you guards? You shouldn’t be here alone.”

 

           “I had to come alone,” Kara said, brushing past Lena uninvited before someone spotted her. “We’ve been distant the past few weeks, and it has pained me greatly to not be able to talk as we usually do. I am here to rectify that, because above all, you are my greatest friend, and I would have nothing come between that … I want you to know that. There is something I must say to you.” She faltered then as she took in the sight of Lena, dressed for bed and looking exhausted, and Kara panicked for a moment. “Please don’t go to war.” It wasn’t what she’d come here to say, but seeing Lena look so tired, with the purple circles under her eyes and the sagging shoulders, Kara was suddenly afraid for her.

 

           Lena stiffened slightly at the words, and she stubbornly jutted her chin forwards as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Why should I be denied the chance to fight for what I believe in? I told you, I can protect myself. Besides, you’ve seen how well I can fight,” Lena told her.

 

           Kara let out a weary sigh, running her hands through her long hair. “I know that you can protect yourself, and it is not for your benefit that I ask you not to fight tomorrow, but for my own. If anything happened to you … I would never forgive myself,” Kara said, swallowing the lump in her throat.

 

           “Then is this your command, Your Majesty?” Lena asked, scowling as she sulked.

 

           Letting out a surprised laugh, a flicker of pain crossing her face, even as she smiled. “No, you know that I would _never_ command you. I wish that I _could_ because then at least I’d know you were safe, but I could never take away your right to make a decision. I won’t make this decision for you, but I ask you … please don’t do this, for my sake.”

 

           Lena was silent for a few moments, a blank look on her face as she stared at Kara, who was busy worrying at her bottom lip with her teeth, a small line between her eyebrows as she frowned. “You told me in the cave that I should fight for myself. You said that we would fight for love, and I told you that in fighting for love, I _would_ be doing it for myself.”

 

           “I-I know I did, b-but-“ Kara quietly stammered, and Lena let out a frustrated groan.

 

           “Kara, take back your muttering and speak plainly,” Lena ordered her, and Kara was taken aback by the commanding tone.

 

           She hesitated, and Kara’s frustration grew as she struggled with the emotions roiling around inside her. Her eyes stung with tears that prickled in them, and there was an ache in her heart as she tried to find the words, clenching and unclenching her hands as she paced back and forth. Stopping in her tracks, Kara braced herself on the edge of the small table in the corner, her back to Lena as she took a deep breath. It would be easier to speak her words to the dark, for she had spent many nights confessing her secret feelings to it.

 

           “I-I am torn at every edge, Lena, for the vow I made to the gods, and my duty to my kingdom … a-and my love for you.” All she got in return was stunned silence, and Kara slowly turned around, taking in the wary look on Lena’s face. “I have loved you since we were children. I-I thought of you _every_ day while I was gone, and I kept you secretly in my heart, knowing that we could not be. I would plunge my kingdom into war and never regret choosing to throw myself into the unknown, for I would … I would _enjoy_ the fall, because in that choice, it’s full of _you._ And yet … y-you are wed. You are wed and I cannot defy the gods, and it pains me to say it, because you are … everything. I tried for _so long_ to set you aside, to be honourable and do the right thing, and it hurt _so much_ , and then you’d laugh … and everything went from hard to the easiest thing in the world. Loving you is _so_ easy. I know that no matter what, I will always stick to the hard choice, because it’s full of the possibility of you, and I couldn’t give you up for anything in the world. I know how selfish it sounds to say it but I- it is _breaking_ me to not be able to tell you, it has tormented me for years while I was gone, and months since I returned. I’m so sorry, Lena, for I love you and I cannot stop.”

 

           Lena stared at her with wide eyes and parted lips, and Kara let out a shaky breath while she waited for her to say something – _anything_. Shaking herself out of her shock, Lena blinked slowly, a small frown furrowing her brows as she looked at Kara in confusion. “I-I can’t offer you anything.”

 

           Kara gave her a sad smile, her heart breaking slightly and her eyes filling with tears at the words. “You can offer me a love that I would risk everything for.” She hadn’t come here for a proclamation of love off Lena, and she didn’t want to risk a rejection, so she turned and stepped towards the tent flaps, feeling a gentle, but firm hand clap down on her shoulder.

 

           Almost as if she was unsure, Lena slowly turned Kara around, and cupped her face in her hands, moving closer. Kara quickly took Lena by the wrists and removed her hands, forcing Lena to stop, a slight frown on her face as she looked at Kara. “But-“

 

           “I would not dishonor you, Lena. You are still wed, and it would shame you if I was to pursue my feelings for you now. I had no intention of telling you how I felt until _after_ finding a way to annul your marriage, yet I could not face tomorrow without telling you of how I felt.”

 

           “But I love you,” Lena breathlessly admitted, and Kara let out a sob of relief, cupping Lena’s face in her shaking hands and gently resting her forehead against Lena’s.

 

           “Y-you do?” Kara stammered, her voice hitching as she spoke.

 

           “Yes! How could you _not_ know? Gods, I’ve loved you since we were children too, Kara. I _hate_ that I’m married, I hate that I’m stuck, I-I didn’t want it to be like this,” and then Lena was crying, and Kara was crying too as they stood in the middle of the dimly lit tent, forehead to forehead. “Why? Why didn’t you come back straight away? If you’d come back when you were supposed to, I-I wouldn’t have had to marry him.”

 

           Kara let out a sob, running her thumbs along Lena’s cheekbones and wiping away the salty tears that ran down them. “Forgive me, please. I did not mean for this to happen, I didn’t _know_.”

 

           “There is nothing to forgive,” Lena whispered, her nose gently bumping against Kara’s as she moved close. Her lips were just a hairsbreadth away from Kara’s, and her breath was hot against Kara’s skin, and then Kara was slowly pulling away.

 

           “I-I cannot, Lena.”

 

           “Please.” It was a desperate whisper, full of longing and heartache, and Kara felt her resolve waver slightly. “It would not shame me to press my lips against those of one whom I love. In fact, it shames me more that they have known the touch of one whom I didn’t love, when all I ever want was you.”

 

           Hesitating slightly, Kara leant in, brushing Lena’s hair out of her face and staring deep into her eyes. Then she closed her eyes, leaning in closer and letting her lips graze Lena’s, feeling them part slightly beneath the touch. It was a slow kiss, as if they were afraid to let themselves believe that it was real, and as Kara’s lips softly came down on Lena’s, they both let themselves relish in the feeling of the other’s lips on their own. Kara’s lips lingered as long as she dared, and then she slowly pulled back, a hesitant smile breaking out across her face as if she couldn’t believe what had happened. She’d dreamt of kissing her so many times – endless nights spent thinking about what Lena’s lips would feel like beneath her own. A similar smile broke out across Lena’s face, and more tears slid down her cheeks, and then Kara was crying too, for it was so bittersweet, to know that they loved each other yet could scarcely touch one another. They were each the reason why they cried so happily, yet smiled so sadly. Brushing away Lena’s tears with gentle fingers, Kara touched their foreheads together just for a moment. “That’s all for now.”

 

           “It is more than enough,” Lena quietly choked out, “it is more that I ever _dreamed_ of.”

 

           Kara let out a small sob, wrapping her arms tightly around Lena and burying her face in her shoulder as she held her close. Lena returned the hug, stroking Kara’s golden curls with one hand while the other circled her waist and tightly held her, and they both savoured the moment – the touch – for they knew they couldn’t risk it again, not so intimately close.

 

           She knew she had already stayed too long, yet Kara let herself cradle Lena for just a moment longer – not for her sake, but for Lena’s. She would go back to her tent and sleep alone, but Lena would be forced to sleep in her bed with Jack, and Kara pitied her for it, and felt a burning anger inside that they had been forced into such circumstances. It hurt her more than it had before, to think that Lena would be forced to endure a marriage she didn’t want, for Kara hadn’t known that she’d returned her feelings. For all Kara’s talk of being trapped, at least she wasn’t bound by vows to spend her life with someone else.

 

           Gently pulling herself out of the hug, Kara brushed Lena’s hair out of her face and gave her a small smile. “I will have you by my side tomorrow, and I will fight for the possibility of a someday with you.”

 

           Lena nodded, and words failed her, but she didn’t have to say anything, because Kara knew. She knew every unspoken word between them, and those words would stay with her forever. With the gentle caress of Lena’s cheek, Kara was gone, the tent flaps parting for her as she left, her hood drawn back up as she wound through the camp.

 

           Winn was still standing guard when she approached her own tent, and he gave her a quick nod, holding the tent up at the bottom so that she could roll underneath it. He didn’t see the tear-stained face in the shadows of her hood, and she was grateful, because she didn’t think she could face any questions at that moment. Not without crying again. In some ways, her heart ached even more than it had before, and it fought to overwhelm the feeling of joy that Lena returned her love.

 

           Frustrated, Kara tore her cloak off and threw it into the corner of the room. Running a hand through her hair, she paced back and forth and felt her breathing become uneven, and her heart ached so much that she knew she was about to cry again. Clenching her teeth and running a shaking hand over her weary face, Kara tried to calm herself down, listening to the murmuring voices outside her tent. Then the flapping sound of someone entering caught her attention, and Kara turned to look at Alex, whose eyes widened as she took in Kara’s red eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

 

           “Oh … oh, Kara, I’m so sorry,” Alex softly said, taking a step towards her with outstretched arms. She couldn’t stop herself from letting out a broken sob as she threw herself into Alex’s embrace and buried her face in her shoulder as she shook. Gently stroking Kara’s hair, Alex held her close and let her cry until she’d worn herself out.

 

           Fetching them both some wine from the pitcher on the table, Alex sat down on the bed, where Kara had sat down and was fiddling with the bottom of her shirt. “She loves me too,” Kara whispered, her voice shaking as she spoke.

 

           “Wha- she _does?_ I thought-“

 

           “No, she returns it. I-I thought it would be easier if she did … but I-I don’t think that it will be. She’s married, she has to sleep beside him tonight, and there’s n-nothing I can do to stop that.”

 

           Alex opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to come up with anything. “Well just-, I-I don’t know, I’ll kill him for you. H-he’s nice, and I don’t _want_ to, but I’ll make her a widow for you.”

 

           Kara let out a bark of laughter, wiping at her teary eyes. “You mean it as well, but I couldn’t live with myself if I let you. I wouldn’t deserve her.”

 

           Laying a gentle hand on Kara’s knee, Alex gave it a reassuring squeeze. “If there’s one thing you deserve, it’s love. All will be well, you’ll see.”

 

           “First, we have a war to win,” Kara said, taking a deep breath.

 

           Kissing her on the top of her head, Alex stood up and drained her wine. “First, get some sleep. You’ll need your strength tomorrow.”

 

           Nodding, Kara kicked her boots off and peeled back the furs on the bed, burrowing underneath them and letting out a weary sigh. She murmured goodnight to Alex, and watched as her sister extinguished the candles and left her alone with her thoughts. Tomorrow, the war truly began, and tomorrow, she would fight for Lena. She would fight for them both, but if she died, then at least she went knowing that Lena loved her, and Lena knew that she loved her. With that knowledge, she had the strength to face anything.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I've been screaming about taylor swift for the past 2 hours and tbh I'm crying as I type this so just excuse me. Anyway, so it begins.

            The sounds of the camp rising woke Kara the next morning, and she slowly stretched as her eyelids fluttered open. She had slept soundly, exhausted from crying and travelling, and comforted by the knowledge that Lena loved her too, and she was slow to wake up as she stared up at the ceiling of her tent. Blinking in surprise, Kara realized that she’d kissed Lena last night, and as she pulled her fur blankets up to her chin she smiled to herself, a warm feeling spreading throughout her body at the thought. Lena _loved_ her. She would’ve been content to lay there all day, wrapped up in thoughts of Lena, but she knew that soon enough someone would come looking for her. They had a war to negotiate.

 

            Climbing out of bed, Kara walked over to the wash basin in the corner and splashed some cold water on her face to wake herself up, before she pulled out her clothes from a chest beside her armour. It was freezing as she stripped off her clothes, and she hurried to redress in the leather legging and thick cotton shirt. Over the top went a blue tunic, and a padded leather jerkin, protecting her from the cold of her armour as she donned a suit of chainmail that fell almost to her knees. Next came steel-toed boots and metal greaves and vambraces, and she fumbled for a moment as she laced the vambraces to her arms. Kara paused for a moment as she looked at her steel breastplate, and she reached out to run her fingers over the metal engraved with her sigil. Gently lifting it off the stand, she slipped it on and awkwardly did the straps up, making sure the pauldrons were secured around her shoulders, and the gorget was fastened around the neck of her breastplate. With a deep sigh, she reached for her sword and tied the belt around her waist, and threw her shoulders back as she walked out of the tent. The armour made her feel braver than she felt as she walked through the flaps, and Kal and James fell into step behind her as she set off through the camp.

 

            First things first, she had breakfast with Astra and Alex, and they went over the plans for the day, just in case things went south. Kara wasn’t particularly hungry, but it was so cold that she wolfed down her porridge just to help warm her up, stroking Streaky’s head while she toyed with the splintered bone of a boar. With grim amusement the thought of how fighting would warm them all up a bit crossed her mind. At the thought of fighting, Kara had the sudden urge to speak to a certain someone, and she excused herself from the table and set off through the camp, her guards in tow. It didn’t take her too long to find Jack, and she dismissed Jack and Kal at the sight of him eating with his soldiers.

 

            “Your Majesty,” he said, bowing low to her as he rose from his seat, and Kara dipped her head in acknowledgement. “Are we to assemble now?”

 

            “Not yet,” Kara said, hesitating slightly before jerking her head for him to follow her. “I would have words with you.”

 

            She’d spent a lot of alone time with Jack while he guarded her, and she knew that he was a good man – kind and honourable – and if it hadn’t been for Lena, she would’ve found him good company too. Yet she felt a bit uncomfortable as they walked together, for she wasn’t sure how to broach the topic she’d come here to talk to him about without fully admitting her feelings. Clearing her throat, Kara looked straight ahead, watching a young woman run a whetstone along the edge of her blade as she eyed the sharpness of its edge. “You love your wife, do you not?”

 

            “I do,” Jack said, nodding in agreement.

 

            “Above anyone else?”

 

            Jack hesitated, frowning slightly at Kara. “Yes, I should think so.”

 

            “She fights today, by my side, by _your_ side,” Kara said, coming to a stop as she looked up at him. “Your vow is to protect me with your life, yet I would ask you to protect her. Do not tell her, for she would hate the thought that she needed protecting, but do _not_ let any harm come to her.”

 

            “But, Your Majesty, my vow is to you, as you said.”

 

            “Indeed. Yet if it comes down to it, and you must choose between letting me fall, or her, I would have you save her. It is not a request – it is an order, as your Queen.”

 

            A look of concerned disapproval crossed his face, but Jack bowed his head. “As you command.”

 

            Relief flooded through Kara, and she breathed a little easier as she gave him a small smile. “Is she in your tent?” At Jack’s nod, Kara dismissed him and turned around, heading back the way they had come. People stopped to bow or murmur good morning as Kara passed by, and she gave them warm smiles, hoping that they couldn’t see the fear in her eyes. So many of them would die.

 

            Brushing thoughts of war aside, Kara hesitated outside Lena’s tent and stamped down the fluttering nerves inside her. She’d already admitted her feelings, and had them returned, so she had nothing to be nervous about, but there was something about the two of them sharing stolen moments together than had Kara’s pulse racing. “Lena?”

 

            She was being pulled inside in an instant, Lena’s hands gentle against Kara’s gloved hands. Looking well rested, and happier than she had in weeks, Lena gave Kara a slow smile, reaching out to gently stroke Kara’s cheek. “Good morning.”

 

            “Mm, it is,” Kara said, returning the smile, if a little shyly. And then everything came crashing down on her, and the smile slipped away and was replaced with a brooding frown. “For now at least.”

 

            “It’ll all be okay,” Lena soothingly told her, and Kara watched as Lena sat down on the edge of her bed and started strapping on her greaves. She was already wearing her chainmail, and Kara swallowed the lump in her throat at the sight of Lena donning the rest of her armour. She shouldn’t be going to war. If she had it her way, none of them would, but it was too late to take back her actions, and she wouldn’t anyway.

 

            “Don’t leave my side today,” Kara told her, her voice coming out slightly hoarse. “I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you. And don’t do anything reckless or stupid.”

 

            “Reckless and stupid?” Lena asked, raising her eyebrows as a small smile played on her lips. “When would I ever?”

 

            Kara let out a frustrated groan, running a hand through her long hair as her eyes prickled with the threat of tears. She couldn’t even think about Lena being hurt without fear overwhelming her. “I’m serious, Lena.”

 

            She was in front of Kara in a second, brushing her hair out of her face and cupping her cheeks. “I know. I’ll be fine – I’ll be with you. Now sit down and I’ll braid your hair for you.” Kara obeyed her, and she felt herself relax slightly at the soft touch of Lena’s fingers running through her hair and pulling it back into a long plait. She noticed the way that Lena’s fingers lingered on her neck, and Kara smiled to herself. There were a thousand ways to share their love in secret, and they daren’t risk another kiss, but it was enough to know that even through a gentle caress, their love was evident.

 

            Standing up, Kara reached past Lena and picked up the heavy breastplate, and Lena let Kara help buckle it into place, just like she had that day of the tournament. As she finished buckling the underside of the pauldrons, Kara met Lena’s eyes and they both smiled, and Kara gave the armour a quick tug to make sure it was all attached properly, pulling Lena slightly towards her. Her eyes darted down to Lena’s lips, and she felt her heart rate accelerate as Lena’s hands came up to brace herself against Kara’s breastplate. Clearing her throat slightly, Kara gave Lena a pained smile and took a step back. “You should have something to eat before it’s time to go.”

 

            Lena nodded, and belted on her sword, leaving her shield and helmet behind for the time being. As she made towards the tent flaps, Kara stopped her with a gentle touch on her arm. “Wait a moment,” she said, scrambling to lift the cuff of her tunic slightly, revealing the piece of leather wrapped around it three times. It had been the piece that Kara had left her mother’s ring on for years, and after she’d donned the ring, she hadn’t thought to throw the leather away. Now, she unwound it and quickly tied it around Lena’s wrist; it wasn’t much, but it was a piece of her, and she wanted Lena to carry her with her.

 

            Tucking it safely beneath her sleeve, Lena smiled at Kara, before casting her gaze around the tent. “Shit, I don’t have anything for-“

 

            “I already have one,” Kara softly told her, pulling up her left cuff to give Lena a glimpse of the white knotted handkerchief embroidered with red poppies. “I wanted you close to me, and that day … you were so _sad,_ but we were free. I’ll fight for us to be free like that again – together.”

 

            “Just stay safe,” Lena whispered, “that’s all I ask. I would take a lifetime of imprisonment if it meant that you were safe.”

 

            “Haven’t you heard? I’m blessed by Rao,” Kara said, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she smiled. “I’ll be okay.”

 

\---

 

            Kara was speaking with her Generals when a soldier came sprinting over to them, breathlessly proclaiming that the enemy was on the march. Swearing, everyone scrambled to their feet, and Kara ordered someone to fetch her shield and helmet for her from her tent. Soon enough, all of her advisors, councilors and highest ranking soldiers were stood nearby, and everyone was talking over each other in their panic, and in some cases, excitement.

 

            “Absolutely _not!”_ Kara looked up at the furious shout, her eyes widening as she looked at a disapproving Lillian, and then her gaze slid to Lena, who was pushing through the group of people with Jack in tow. “Go back to your tent, Lena.”

 

            Scoffing, Lena scowled at her mother. “I’m not a child, mother, and I am skilled with a blade. I _will_ fight.”

 

            “Jack, will you not tell your wife to go?”

 

            “Forgive me, Lillian, for I have tried, but she is as stubborn as a mule and will not listen,” Jack said, giving her a helpless shrug and a pained look.

 

            Lillian turned to Kara, and she didn’t have to speak, for Kara knew what she would ask, and it pained her to press her lips together in a grim line and remain silent. She had promised Lena that she could fight, and she had gone to lengths to ensure that she would be protected, and she wouldn’t go back on her word now. It would hurt Lena to think that Kara had betrayed her.

 

            “We should be off,” Kara said, striding towards her horse and swinging herself up into her saddle with some difficulty due to the added weight. Her helmet was clasped under her arm, and her shield strapped onto her left forearm, and as she sat atop her horse, she looked dangerous and fierce. Alex approached, dressed similarly, and she held a bowl of red liquid up to Kara, who quickly dipped her bare fingertips into the paint and ran four red lines across her face at an angle, from temple to jaw. It was a custom, supposed to symbolize the blood of their enemies, and as Kara stared ahead with blazing blue eyes, her golden hair shining in the sun, it was possible to believe that it _was_ the blood of her enemies. Soon enough it would be.

 

            As everyone else mounted, Kara started forward, making her way towards the front lines where her army was already gathering under the banners of their Lords and Ladies. In the middle was Kara’s own army, and they parted as she approached, letting her and her party through. They came out the other side of the sea of soldiers, and Kara looked out across the frostbitten plains stretching out before her. Soon the white frozen grass would be churned up by their horses, and stained red with blood, and she could already see crows reeling overhead, almost as if they could sense the battle. In the far distance, a smudge on the horizon signified the enemy, and they watched as a small group dispatched themselves from the army, riding out towards the middle of the battlefield.

 

            “They have a white flag on top of one of those spears,” Maggie said, and Kara turned around to look at her. She didn’t doubt that Maggie was right – she knew how sharp the girl’s eyes were, and she turned to look at Astra, who nodded.

 

            “Astra, Alex, Lillian, Kal,” Kara addressed them all, “I would have you ride out with me.”

 

            Lena guided her horse forward an urgent step, “I would come too, Your Majesty.”

 

            Biting back a sigh, Kara nodded. She hated the thought of Lena being even closer to the enemy, but under a white flag there wasn’t much they could do to harm them, unless they went against every rule of honour. The six of them rode out to meet the party waiting in the middle of the field, with Kal holding up their own white flag of peace.

 

            They stopped a dozen yards away from each other, and Kara’s eyes were focused on the woman in the middle, wearing a crown and smiling coldly at her. So that was Rhea. “Your Majesty,” she said, giving Kara a mocking bow from her saddle.

 

            “Your son sends his mother to fight his battles for him?” Kara said, letting out a snort of laughter. “I am glad I turned down a marriage to such a coward.”

 

            There were quiet sighs from everyone with her, except for Alex, who muffled a laugh. Rhea’s face flushed red with anger, but she just kept her cold smile in place, her eyes narrowing slightly. “I would think you’d be less critical when you’re about to lose.”

 

            “Lose? Oh no, I came to win,” Kara said, the arrogance of her noble upbringing coming out in the challenge. “You are invading _my_ land, and I will give you one chance to leave. Now.”

 

            “I’m quite enjoying myself here,” Rhea said, smiling at Kara, who just clenched her jaw and frowned.

 

            Astra cleared her throat slightly, and Rhea turned her attention to her. “Then on to negotiations.”

 

            “With pleasure,” Rhea said, and she genuinely looked like she took joy in talking about the terms of their war. “We should fight six days out of seven – leaving one day for rest and worship – from sunrise to sunset.”

 

            “Agreed. The dead shall be returned for proper burial rights. We would also have no civilians harmed – there is no need for senseless slaughter,” Astra bargained, and Rhea scoffed quietly.

 

            Her eyes flickered back to Kara’s face. “Indeed. You could save yourself a lot of death if you would hand over your Queen.”

 

            “Never,” Alex snarled, her knuckled tightening on her reins as if she was about to urge her horse onwards and throw herself at Rhea. “You’ll not kill her. Even if I have to face your army alone, I will _not_ let you do it.”

 

            Letting out a bark of laughter, Rhea’s smile grew wider. “Kill her? No. I’m going to tear her apart in ways you can’t even begin to imagine. You’ll be _begging_ me to kill you once I’m through with you. I’ll show you what pain really feels like – not physically, but oh, how I’ll enjoy breaking your heart and spirit, and your _mind._ ”

 

            Kara swallowed the lump of fear in her throat, for she didn’t doubt that Rhea would do all of those things if she got her hands on her. “My aunt is right, there is no need for senseless slaughter. How about we settle this with single combat? Pick your champion.”

 

            “Single combat?” Rhea asked, hesitating slightly, before nodding. “Very well.” She turned to look at a hulking man sat on his horse beside her, giving him a nod, and he turned to look at Kara with determination in his eyes.

 

            “Let me fight for you, niece,” Astra asked and Kara jutted her chin forward.

 

            “I have told you before; no one fights for me,” Kara said, and everyone started to protest, before she held up a hand to silence them, swinging herself down off her horse. “It was _not_ a negotiation. Return yourselves back to the front lines.”

 

            Everyone gave her varying looks of fear and disapproval, but they obeyed. Alex gave Kara a stern nod, cupping her cheek quickly as she brushed past, and Lena stared at Kara with fear in her eyes. Just before she wheeled her horse around, her eyes darted to Rhea’s face, and the woman gave her a sharp smile. “It’s good to finally meet you, daughter.”

 

            Anger burned within Kara, and Lena silently ground her teeth together as she looked away, glancing at Kara once more before racing after the retreating figures of Kara’s advisors. They were slow to make their way back to their frontline, ensuring that Rhea was doing the same before they let their guards down. Her gaze lingered on Kara’s face for a moment longer, before she turned and galloped back to her own army, and Kara didn’t trust the small smile that curled her lips.

 

            The man across from her gave her a wicked smile, drawing a two-handed greatsword and holding it easily in both hands while he waited for Kara to draw her own sword. She stood there for a moment, observing him, before she donned her helmet and pulled the dagger out of her belt. The man let out a roar of laughter, and Kara smiled, adjusting her grip around the familiar hilt. Lifting the sword, the man took a step towards Kara, and her hand whipped out faster than he could react to, and the knife struck him in the throat, in the gap between his breastplate and helmet – in the weakness that Kara had spotted a moment ago. She watched as he reached up and pulled the knife out, gurgling as blood poured out of his mouth and down his neck, and then he collapsed facedown on the cold, hard ground. Walking towards him, Kara knelt down and picked up her dagger, slipping it back into its sheath.

 

            It was over in less than a minute.

 

            “Kara!” The yell came from behind her, but she looked forwards, watching as the army advanced. Swearing under her breath, Kara turned and started running back towards her army, watching as Alex led her own army towards Kara, urging her horse on as fast as possible with Kara’s in tow. Weighed down by her armour, Kara was slower as she pounded across the frozen ground, her breath puffing before her in white clouds as she tried to outrun the advancing army and her panic. Alex reached her before the army did, reining both of the horses in and giving Kara enough time to haul herself up into the saddle, before they both turned to face the oncoming army.

 

            Drawing her sword, Kara lifted it high into the air, the point of it catching the sun, and then she lowered it towards the army, letting out a wild yell as she urged her horse forwards, right at the exact moment that the rest of her army caught up to her, their own battlecries shattering the quiet of the morning.

 

            The sound of the two armies meeting was deafening, and Kara winced at the sound of metal on metal and cries of wounded horses as she made down the first solider to cross paths with her, but was intercepted by James. Her Queensguard surrounded her, their swords clashing with anyone who came close to Kara as they tried to keep her out of the thick of the fighting. She let out a huff of anger at that, and turned to look at Alex, who was wielding her two swords and in the process of piercing the chainmail of the woman in front of her. Pulling the sword out with a spray of blood, Alex turned her gaze around, locking onto Kara’s eyes. There was an unspoken conversation, and Kara gave her sister a determined look and Alex nodded. As the two armies melded into one in the centre of the field, the two sisters lunged through a gap, side by side as they plunged into the enemy.

 

            They faced in opposite directions, moving their horses in circular motions as they guarded each others backs and cut down the enemy. Kara looked into the brown eyes of a young woman for a split second, before she regretfully plunged her sword into her face, and then lashed out at a man with the sharp edge of her round shield, slicing his throat open and spraying her polished armour with scarlet blood. Nearby, Alex opened up the stomach of a hulking man, whirling her swords around with deadly skill. Kara was dimly aware of her own soldiers breaking through the ranks to come to their Queen’s defence, and as a woman raised her sword in front of Kara, she was cut off before she could block the attack – a familiar small figure on a black horse knocking the woman off her horse with their shield. Reeling her horse around, Lena’s green eyes were blazing, and they softened for a moment as they met Kara’s stare, before she was plunging further into the fray with Jack in tow. Kara was relieved to see him sticking close to her side – he wouldn’t let her get hurt.

 

\---

 

            The fight became messy, and neither side pressed any advantage and it became an all out bloodbath as both side mingled and bodies piled up. The smell of blood was thick in the air, and Kara’s skin was slick with sweat as she fought on and on, cutting down anyone in her path. Before long, her swings were slowing and and she was forced to urge her horse over the bodies beneath her, pummeling them into the ground while she added more to the pile. On and on it went, and Kara fought with grim determination, taking no pleasure in the lives she took, and she forced herself to look at every face, to stare into every pair of eyes until they were etched into her memory. She would pray for their souls tonight, and beg forgiveness for the fate she’d brought to them.

 

            Every so often she could hear Astra ordering the troops around, trying to form some order, and the lines would be reformed for a short while, until they charged forward, breaking upon the enemy in wave after wave. Beneath the weak sun, they charged again and again, boiling in their heavy armour, despite the chill in the air, and even when a light heavy snow started to fall, it didn’t do much to relieve the suffocating heat of thousands of bodies packed tightly together as they grappled with opponents.

 

            “Kara!”

 

            She plunged the sword through boiled leather and fur, watching blood pour out of the wound, before she turned towards Astra, who was surging forwards with a group of her best warriors. Darting around screaming, horseless soldiers laying in the mud and blood, Kara fought her way towards her aunt, breathing heavily as she hefted her heavy shield up against any attacks.

 

            “Make for camp,” Astra shouted to her over the din of the fight, as soon as Kara was close enough.

 

            “The battle still rages on,” Kara protested, and Astra grabbed her horse by its reins to stop Kara from leaping back into battle.

 

            “It has been hours, niece,” Astra said, fending off the attack of a young girl with ease. She didn’t seem tired at all, and Kara was in awe of her obvious skill as she sat atop her war horse and cut down warrior after warrior with minimal effort. “You cannot over exhaust yourself. It is time to rotate soldiers, and that includes you. Take your sister and your Queensguard and rest a while, the fighting will still be here waiting for you.”

 

            Gritting her teeth, Kara stiffly nodded, hating the thought of others dying for her while she put her feet up and rested, but knowing that Astra was right. There were thousands behind them who had yet to even catch a glimpse of the enemy, and thousands more still at camp, waiting for their turn. Wheeling her horse around, Kara made for their camp, cutting down enemies as she retreated, and trusting that everyone would follow her.

 

            She wasn’t the only one to retreat, and as the group crossed the trenches and made it back to the first tents on the outskirts of their camp, Kara took in the sight of bloody and exhausted soldiers, stuffing food into their mouth and pouring water over themselves to cool down. Others who hadn’t been ordered to fight yet looked pale as they shivered around campfires, watching people pour back into camp with wide eyes.

 

            They didn’t stop until they reached Kara’s tent, and she quickly dismounted, her knees almost buckling beneath her bodyweight, and then Alex was beside her, making sure she was okay. Pulling off her helmet, Kara gave her sister a tired smile. “I’m fine.”

 

            Her hair was plastered to her face and blood and sweat mixed with the red war paint and black mud, but she was fine. She made it to the ring of ashes from the campfire this morning, and collapsed onto the ground, abandoning her sword and shield beside her as she caught her breath. Everyone else was quick to join her, but not before Maggie hitched up their horses and Jack got a fire started. No one spoke for the longest time, until the cramps in their limbs had started to fade and they were overcome with ravenous hunger. James slipped away with Lucy, and they both returned soon after with armfuls of food and drink, and everyone shared it around and silently bit into the doughy flatbreads, savouring the taste of nuts and dried fruits in between sips of watered down ale that was passed around.

 

            “Treacherous fuck,” Alex eventually managed to spit out as she cleaned off one of her swords with a rag.

 

            “I should’ve known that it was too easy for her to agree to single combat,” Kara bitterly muttered, thinking about Rhea’s sly smile as she’d retreated. Her eyes darted to Lena, taking in the deep scowl as she chewed on some bread, and Kara was suddenly struck by Rhea’s words to Lena about how they had never met before. It was probably weighing heavily on her mind, and Kara wished she could speak openly about it now, but no one else knew, and Kara daren’t let the secret get out now. It would be dangerous for Lena for anyone to know that she had ties to the Daxam royal family, even if she had never acknowledged them.

 

            They rested for an hour, and by the time they rejoined the fight, the sun was high overhead. With her helmet covered most of her face, Kara rode back into battle with her blue eyes filled with grim determination and her sword poised to cleave its way through the flesh of anyone who dared approach her.

 

            It was going to be a long day.


	25. Chapter 25

            The first week was bloody and tiring, and when Kara woke on the seventh day, she was relieved that they would be allowed to rest and pray and do menial tasks that they’d been too exhausted to do after a full day of fighting. She rose late, her muscles aching and sore as she sat upright, her golden curls falling around her shoulders as she stretched. The air inside her tent was freezing, and she quickly slipped her boots on and a fur lined coat, before buckling on her sword and pushing aside the tent flaps. She should’ve worn her armour – she didn’t trust Rhea not to attack on their chosen day of peace – but the thought of not having to bear the weight of it just for a day was enough to make Kara feel like she was floating as she stepped outside.

 

            Alex was sat outside her tent, sharpening her two swords with care. She was bundled up in her armour and a thick cloak, and Kara watched as snow dusted her shoulders – the weather had been worsening, and the snow had been thick on the battlefield yesterday. Nodding to James and Winn, Kara walked over to Alex, who looked up, smiling widely as she sheathed both of her swords in the scabbards strapped to her back and climbed to her feet. She pulled Kara into a rough hug, and Kara frowned as she returned it.

 

            “Happy birthday, sister.”

 

            “ _Birthday?”_ Kara echoed, her eyebrows rising in surprise. “Today is Midwinter’s Day?”

 

            Alex let out a surprised laugh, pulling back. “You had forgotten your own birthday? Is it twenty-six or eighty-six that you have turned?”

 

            Rolling her eyes, Kara smiled, “I had lost track of the days on our trip. I should’ve been in Argo City on the anniversary of my birth – I did not think I would be sat a few dozen miles away from its gates fighting a bloody war.”

 

            “We may not have winterberry wine and honey cakes or candles to keep the long night at bay, but we shall have ale and mutton and keep the fires burning throughout the night.”

 

            “All I would ask is that we have a peaceful day,” Kara murmured, her mouth set in a grim line. She usually looked forward to Midwinter’s Day, not only for her birthday, but to celebrate the winter solstice. It was always a day of celebration, rejoicing in the knowledge that the sun was beginning its long journey back to earth, and the knowledge that Cythonna would take her ice and death and be replaced by the long awaited spring.

 

            “We shall,” Alex confidently assured her. “There is no gift I can give you out here, but there is some small happiness I may give you. Meet me tonight, before the sun sets.”

 

            Kara gave her a warm smile, “sister, the fact that we, and those we love, are still standing here today is a bigger gift than I could ask for. I hope that our luck holds out.”

 

            Together, the two sisters, with Kara’s Queensguard in tow, sat down for breakfast, and were soon joined by her other friends and family. They all wished Kara a happy birthday, and she smiled gratefully as she ate her hot porridge. She wished that Eliza was here too, but her mother had no place on a battlefield – she was a religious woman and her skills were better served in a temple. As Lena joined her, murmuring her birthday wishes with a secret smile, Kara scanned her face, and was relieved to see that she looked well rested and in higher spirits after the long week of fighting.

 

            They were all content to sit around drinking wine in the snow, laughing for the first time all week, and Kara could almost pretend that things were fine – except for the lingering smell of blood and the quiet sounds of injured soldiers whimpering with pain mixed in with the everyday sounds of the camp. Eventually though, duty called.

 

            Mounting her horse, Kara made her way to the edge of the camp, stopping as she reached the wide spike-filled trench. Gazing out upon the battlefield, she watched as her soldiers and the Daxamite’s mingled on the frozen plains, hauling their dead out from under inches of snow and loading them onto wagons. The air was thick with smoke and the smell of death and decay as bodies were piled onto funeral pyres, and the bitter taste of bile filled Kara’s mouth.

 

            “You have been the sun of our lives. Our prayers will be the sun that lights the way on the journey home. We will remember you in every dawn, and await the night we join you in the sky. Rao’s will be done,” Kara muttered the prayer for the dead, the words feeling thick on her tongue as she watched new bodies piled onto the pyres. There would be more stars in the sky tonight, joining Rao’s red sun high above them as their souls moved on to his halls.

 

            She watched for what felt like forever, before wheeling her horse around and trotting back through the camp. Dozens of soldiers wished her a happy birthday as she wound in between their tents, and she spared as much time as she could exchanging words with them. Most of them had never so much as _seen_ her, let alone spoken to her, and she felt guilty about sending them off to fight for a Queen that they didn’t even know. It was the least that she could do, to let them know that she cared, that she valued their lives.

 

            Making her way to the command pavilion, Kara dismounted, and walked over to the table where her Generals were clustered. She had already spent breakfast with Astra, and so everyone else quickly bowed and gave their birthday wishes, before Kara ushered them to continue talking about their strategy.

 

            “Some of us in the Labor Guild were talking of old battle strategies,” Winn said, and Kara nodded for him to elaborate. “In ages not long past, our warriors rode chariots. If we were to fashion a couple, attach long blades to the wheels and situate archers in the back, we could cut a path through the enemy’s cavalry – giving us an advantage over their horseless soldiers. It would also give the archers further reach.”

 

            “Good. Make arrangements immediately,” Kara agreed. “Speaking of the archers though, I have given thought about how best to use them. Unless the enemy is drawn in close, we cannot use them to their full potential, for fear of hitting our own soldiers. I had considered sending out a thousand of them down the left flank of the army, with General Zod. The beginnings of a small forest starts to the south – the rangers that my Captain of the Rangers has been training will fair well in the trees if the enemy can be drawn away from the body of the battle. It will also give more room to the normal archers to take them out if they form ranks behind the cavalry.”

 

            Zod bowed his head. “Your will, Your majesty.”

 

            “Cousin,” Kara said, looking at Kal, who looked back with serious blue eyes. “You will make for your city tomorrow. The navy shall be soon be ready to set sail from the port of Xan City, and they will need their General. While you are there I would have you seek out a woman named Roulette. As I understand it, she is very skilled at finding out information and running around beneath people's noses. Tell her that the Flamebird asks for her help in exchange for any favour; she will know my meaning.”

 

            “Of course, Your Majesty,” Kal said.

 

            Staring down at the map on the table, Kara ran her fingers over the lines. “Would anyone else have anything to offer?”

 

            To her surprise, it was Lena who spoke. “I-I might have an idea. If we were to replace the vanguard with foot solider’s, and send the cavalry through the right flank, we could cut a path through the middle of their forces with more effectiveness. If we continue to collide head on with them, we shall never be able to breach their defences beyond the first few rows. The same is true for them as well.”

 

            “Our foot soldier’s will be at a disadvantaged by their cavalry, but they won’t breach our shield wall. If we can quickly cut a path through them from the side, and then have one half turn towards our own camp, we can attack their cavalry from behind and have them caught between a hammer and an anvil. I like it,” Astra said, a sharp smile gracing her face.

 

            “What of the foot soldier’s though? As you said, they will be disadvantaged,” Kara said. “Unless we hurry to have the chariots readied by tomorrow, and then we can have archers within their midst as well as a way to cut through the cavalry before overwhelming us.”

 

            General Lane cleared his throat, and Kara spotted Lucy stood behind him, ever the loyal daughter. “Would it not serve the cavalry better to have the chariots clear the path for them?”

 

            “No. I would not use the foot soldier’s as fodder to make it easier for those who are already advantaged by being on horseback. I’ll not squander any lives unnecessarily, and I will give them their best chance at holding the shield wall in place while you bring in your right flank.”

 

            “Then we shall make arrangements,” Lillian said, bowing her head to Kara as she began to roll up the maps spread out before them.

 

            “My gratitude,” Kara said, “the meeting is adjourned. Now, celebrate the beginning of the return of Rao’s light and rest. Tomorrow, we shall see ourselves the victors of the day.”

 

            Turning around, Kara left the pavilion and took the reins of her horse, leading it through the rows of tents as she headed back to her own. The sun was still before its peak, and she couldn’t help but wonder what Alex had planned for her later on.

 

\---

 

            The nobles and the common soldiers mingled as barrels of ale and mead were cracked open and boars roasted over fires, and a mixture of lutes and pipes added to the sound of laughter and conversation as everyone enjoyed themselves. It was a welcome distraction from the war, and Kara sat wrapped up in a fur cloak, drinking from her cup as she watched a woman wrestle one of the men for a small gilded dagger. The sun was starting to sink low in the sky, and as many candles, torches and fires as possible were burning brightly as dusk set in.

 

            The only thing missing was Lena, yet Kara was hesitant to go looking for her. She didn’t want to make her absence noticeable, not on a night of festivities where thousands of soldiers would notice her skulking around the campsite - _especially_ around a tent that didn’t belong to her.

 

            A small tap on her shoulder made Kara turn and look up. Alex gave her a small smile, leaning down to whisper in Kara’s ear. “Tell them you go to make an offering to the gods, for their blessing in the turning of the seasons, and their protection in battle.”

 

            Frowning slightly, Kara slowly climbed to her feet and lifted her cup. “The gods have ever watched over us, _blessed_ us, and kept us safe and fed. I must go now and offer them our gratitude, and to ask for them to guide our sword arms tomorrow and in the days to come. To the gods!” She poured out some of the wine she was drinking, letting it soak into the snow beneath her feet, and the sentiment was echoed all around her.

 

            “Niece, I will have some guards readied to accompany you,” Astra said, but Alex stepped forward.

 

            “I have already arranged it, and I shall accompany her myself,” Alex said, assuring Astra of her safety.

 

            Nodding, Astra quickly clasped Kara’s forearm and turned back to the celebrations, leaving her to closely follow behind Alex, letting her lead the way. They were a few rows away from Kara’s tent when she asked where they were going in a hushed voice. Quickly plunging them into the nearest tent, Alex pulled Kara’s hood up to hide her face.

 

            “We go to the nearest Godswood. No one would dare shed blood on the sacred ground of the gods, and the forest is too difficult for open fighting should the enemy try to invade through it anyway.”

 

            “My gift is to pray to the gods?” Kara asked, giving her sister a confused smile.

 

            “You ask entirely too many questions,” Alex sighed, “just follow me and keep your face hidden. It is not yet dark enough for you to not draw attention to yourself.”

 

            Quietly laughing, Kara pushed aside the tent flaps and stepped back out into the snow. Her breath plumed out before her and she tightly wrapped her cloak around herself, following Alex as she darted down another row, passing by a group of soldier’s who were busying cheering on a wrestling match, and more, playing runestones and cards as they bet what little coppers they had to offer.

 

            They made their way to the southern point of the camp, the trenches looming before them, and Alex nodded to the guards as she crossed over the wooden planks that served as a bridge. Kara didn’t bother asking why they weren’t stopped, assuming that Alex had taken care of it earlier on. Still, as they walked across the frozen expanse that led up to the shadows of firs shedding their dead needles, and disappeared beneath the bare branches of the trees. The Godswood wasn’t too far in, and Kara could see the beginning of the trees representative of the different gods.

 

            “I leave you here,” Alex said, and Kara turned to frown at her. “Maggie scouts the area, and I will stay here. If you should need me, you need only call.”

 

            “I don’t understand,” Kara said.

 

            “I have no gift to give you out here. No books, no clothes, not even a new weapon to have forged for you. I can only give you this small comfort; just for a little while. Now, go before you waste all the time that can be spared.”

 

            Still confused, Kara stomped through the underbrush, trampling dead, frozen plants and trying not to crack twigs as she moved between the trunks of the trees. She stopped when she saw the orange leaves of Rao’s tree, mostly still intact, but with some of them fallen and carpeting the ground beneath the shadow of its branches. Kara let out a breathless laugh, turning around to look back the way she had come, even though she couldn’t see Alex. Walking forwards, Kara dropped to her knees on the fur that was spread out beside the trunk of the tree, and she reached out with gentle hands to cup Lena’s face.

 

            “We do not have much time,” Lena murmured, one hand coming up to cover Kara’s. She pulled it back slightly and placed a kiss to the palm of it, and Kara smiled.

 

            “Every second alone with you is precious to me, and worth more than a thousand with anyone else,” Kara replied, her smile growing wider. “You have been plotting with my sister, I see.”

 

            Lena laughed, picking up a wineskin and handing it to Kara. “She would see you happy on your birthday, as would I. Although, this is as much a gift for me as it is for you.”

 

            Settling down on the furs, Kara unstoppered the wineskin and took a sip, before handing it back to Lena. “I am glad you treasure our time together too, although I wish it did not have to be in secret. I chose to love you in silence before, for in silence came no rejection, but now … apologies, I do not mean to complain, for in our secrecy, I have you to myself. In our secrecy, I keep you safe.”

 

            “It matters little to me if we have to sneak away for stolen moments where I can caress your face for just a moment,” Lena said, reaching out to do just that as she spoke, “for every time I am around you, my palms itch with the desire to reach out and touch you … yet I will not pretend that I do not feel as you do, for I dream of words spoken with no shame behind them, for everyone to hear.”

 

            The last rays of light broke through little branches, and the two girls turned their gaze upwards, watching as the long night descended. Turning to look at Lena, Kara let out a shaky breath as her lips curled up into a small smile. “Perhaps one day we shall occupy the space beside each other, shoulders touching, hands clasped, and the secrets we have shared between us will not be of our love, for the whole world will know of it.”

 

            “It is both comforting and disheartening to hear you say that,” Lena sighed heavily, “for it is everything I dared to dream of, yet I wish it were already true. It is agonizing to think that it has only been a week, and even more so to not know how long we must endure this.”

 

            “I fight this war for my right to love whomever I choose, and I _will_ prevail. Hopefully it will all be over soon,” Kara said, her eyebrows furrowing as she fiddled with the fur blanket. Gentle fingers tilted her chin up, and a small smile graced Kara’s lips as she met Lena’s soft gaze. There was little sunlight left now, and she couldn’t make out the greenness of them, but Lena’s beauty was just as striking in the grey twilight as dusk settled over them like a blanket. Lena’s fingers gently caressed Kara’s face, and she yearned for more, but she knew it would have to wait, and so did Lena, for a moment later she pulled back, letting out a quiet exclamation.

 

            “I almost forgot,” she said, a smile in her voice as she reached behind her and pulled out a cloth wrapped bundle. “Your gift.”

 

            Kara let out a breathy laugh, reaching out to take it off Lena, a curious glint in her eyes as she peeled back one corned of the cloth. “Honey cakes!” Kara exclaimed, a wide smile lighting up her face as she quickly glanced up at Lena. “How did you manage to get some?”

 

            “I made them myself this afternoon,” Lena said, giving her a lopsided smile as she reached out to tuck a golden curl behind Kara’s ear. “I know they’re your favourite.”

 

            Picking one up, Kara bit into it with a small groan as the taste of honey filled her mouth. “I have never received such a perfect gift before. Thank you, truly.”

 

            Lena laughed, looking proud of herself as she took one of the cakes that Kara offered her. They were silent for a few moments, savouring the taste of something sweet as they watched snow gently fall around them. Slowly, the dark of the early night wasn’t quite as dark. Looking around in amazement, Kara let out a breathless laugh. “Winter fireflies,” Kara softly said, watching as the lights blinked in a synchronized, cascading rhythm as they wove in between the trunks of the trees.

 

            “I have never seen them in winter before,” Lena said, her voice hushed as she watched the small green lights with wonder etched upon her face. Turning to look at Kara, she gave her a hesitant smile, reaching out to stroke one of her high cheekbones; she couldn’t keep her hands to herself. “Happy birthday, my love. I would ask that you let me give you another gift.”

 

            Leaning into the feeling of Lena’s cold hand on her face, Kara’s eyes fluttered closed. “Of course,” she softly sighed, a smile playing at the corners of her lips. She knew what Lena wanted, for she wanted it as well, and she blindly reached out for Lena, pulling her close by her belt as she leant forwards to meet her halfway. Just like last time, it was slow and soft, and they made it last as long as possible so that they could cherish the moment.

 

            But time never rests, and before long, they were both parting. Foreheads touching, and breath visible before them, they stayed like that with their eyes closed for a few moments, letting themselves get wrapped up in their shared secret for a little while longer.

 

            “Kara.” The soft call came from behind her, and with a regretful sigh, the two girls parted. Lifting Lena’s hands, Kara placed a kiss to the cold knuckles of them both and, because she didn’t know when she’d have the next chance, she leant in to steal a quick, chaste kiss off Lena. Letting go of Lena’s hands, she bundled up the honey cakes and climbed to her feet, watching as a dark figure materialized out of the night behind Lena. It was Maggie, and she knew that Alex waited behind her.

 

            Hesitating a moment longer, Kara leant in and let her lips brush against Lena’s earlobe, feeling the shuddering breath on her neck as Lena shivered with pleasure at the sensation. “We shall go back to the poppy field again one day, to be free and to love each other without the trappings of marriage and duty. Wait for me there, in the dream of that day to come.”

 

            “Forever,” Lena whispered, her voice trembling slightly. With a loving smile, Kara turned and walked over to Alex, who gave her a small nod. Pausing for a moment, Kara looked back over her shoulder, watching as Lena pulled her gloves on and picked up the fur blanket and wine before walking over to Maggie. She stopped too, looking over her shoulder, and just for a moment, Kara wondered what it would feel like to go to her, take her hand, and just run off into the forest.

 

            Shaking her fantasies away, Kara pressed her fingertips to her lips and reached out towards Lena, before her hand dropped to her side and she turned back around. Alex was silent as they retraced the steps they’d made earlier, dodging skeletal trunks that loomed out of the darkness and wading through the snow. The first torches of the camp came into view as they stepped around the pale trunk of an oak tree, and Kara stopped Alex with a gentle touch.

 

            “Thank you, sister. It is a greater gift than anything else you could’ve given me,” Kara told her in a low voice, and Alex gave her a small smile, giving her hand a squeeze.

 

            “If I had it within me, I would stop time itself to see you happy with one whom you love for a little while longer. Yet time stumbles onwards, and we are at a loss to stop it,” Alex told her as they resumed their walk back to camp. “I would see you win this war so that even if you cannot stop time, you may go forward with her by your side.”

 

            They were silent the rest of the way back to camp, and when Kara rejoined the fray near her tent, she slipped inside to safely stow away her honey cakes before joining the celebrations. She was handed some warm cherry wine, and as she drank away the chill in her bones, she locked eyes with green ones filled with love that spoke of shared secrets, and Kara’s eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled and raised her cup to Lena.

 

            They would return to the poppy field, and all it held for them.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taylor swift's new song dropped and I'm going to be incapacitated for the next 3 months but I didn't want to disappoint with no update today so I somehow managed to type this through my tears

            The fighting continued.

 

            Two weeks later found Kara with a spear in hand as she stood in the back of a chariot that was rattling along over the bumpy ground. After three weeks of fighting, the ground was a shredded mess of mud, blood and slushy snow, and she was jostled in the back of the chariot as Astra guided the horses. This was the first time they were putting their plan into action, and Kara could feel a lump in her throat as she watched the foot soldier’s march alongside the chariot. Many of them would die if the plan didn’t work.

 

            Looking out to her left, Kara stared out at Alex, who was in another chariot that was being pulled by Lucy. They were both fierce fighters, yet Kara was worried for her sister and her friend, for she knew that they would be made a target for the fact that they led one of the chariots. Still, they had a better chance than others, and Kara turned her gaze to the small figure near to her own chariot. She would know Lena anywhere, even in a sea of metal and leather, and she felt panic well up inside as she thought about their opponents washing over them and taking Lena down with them. If Kara had it her way, Lena would be in a chariot too, or with the archers where she could stay out of reach of the swords and spears. Here they were though, and Kara ground her teeth together as she looked back out at the approaching army, a mixture of foot soldier’s and those on horseback.

 

            “Do we press advantage?” Astra asked, turning to look at Kara, and she nodded, her shoulders tense and ready to spring into action as she tightened her grip on her spear. Lifting her sword into the air, Astra let out a wild cry, which was picked up by the rest of the soldier’s, and urged the chariot onwards. The other four that they’d had made leapt forwards as well, and Kara hoped that they would be able to thing out the first few rows by the time the rest of the army caught up with them. She knew that at the same time, General Lane would be sweeping in from the right, and General Zod would be drawing out the left flank where Maggie waited with a group of archers.

 

            As the Daxamite army grew closer, Kara waited with bated breath, cringing as the sound of bone splintering reached her ears as they smacked into the first soldiers. The chariot pitched backwards as it bumped over trampled bodies, and Kara scrambled to keep her balance as the horses dragged them onwards. She lunged out with her spear, catching a man in the side of the neck, before yanking the tip back out and whacking a woman on the head, leaving her helmet ringing with the force of the blow. The long blade worked perfectly, and they’d even attached some to the sides of the horse’s harnesses, which meant that they cut a path through the soldier’s as they tried to give them a wide berth. As they broke through the fourth line of soldier’s, Astra yanked them to the left, shouting a warning to Kara as she turned them in a tight curve, heading back through the front lines again. They didn’t want to risk getting trapped behind enemy lines with just the two of them, and they knew that the cavalry would already be starting to sweep through anyway.

 

            Striking out with the sharp edge of her shield, Kara cut a deep gash into a man’s chest, whirling around and plunging her spear into the stomach of another. She had spent endless hours training with staffs up at Cair, and she wielded it with deadly accuracy and skill, using it as much to kill as to keep them at bay. Soon enough their foot soldier’s were upon them though, braking over the enemy like water upon rocks.

 

            “Form ranks!” Astra roared, and the order was repeated up and down the lines as soldier’s stood shoulder to shoulder, their spears poking out over the top of their shields as they pressed forward as one. They’d brought a few of their best close-range archers with them, dispersed amongst the soldier’s and Kara was dimly aware of them being hoisted up to shoot arrows at the enemy, before being yanked back down out of harms way. To her left, she could hear the distant shouts of surprised soldier’s as they were trampled down by the horses. It was all going to plan.

 

            Again and again, Kara struck out with her spear, finding her target every time as Astra cut down soldier’s with one hand and steered the chariot with the other. Around them, the battle raged on, and Kara was lost in the sounds of fighting as she concentrated on cutting down everyone around her.

 

\---

 

            Hours passed, and she didn’t need to take a break because she’d been stood in the back of a chariot the entire time and her legs were stiff from being jolted around, even if her arm was aching from lunging back and forth with her spear. It had started snowing a while ago, which had dampened the spirits of the fighters as their cold armour weighed down heavily on them and their lungs ached each time they sucked in cold air. Sweaty and covered in blood, Kara panted as she cast her gaze around, momentarily refocusing to stab a young man in the shoulder as he made a mad dash for her. Looking back up, Kara saw Alex nearby, her and Lucy both safe and unharmed in their chariot, and then she found the orange shield painted with a white starling that belonged to Jack. The air was forced out of her lungs as she realized that Lena wasn’t by his side.

 

            Frantically casting her gaze around, Kara’s eyes landed on the small figure a few metres ahead of Jack, slashing out with a sword as soldier’s swarmed around her. There weren’t many of their soldiers around her – she was too far ahead - and Kara’s heart seized with panic at the sight of Lena surrounded by so many enemies. Snapping the leather strap binding her to the chariot, Kara let out a hoarse shout as she dove over the side of the chariot, landing ungracefully hard on her shield and a person she took down with it – she just hoped it was one of the Daxamites.

 

            “Kara!”

 

            Scrambling to her feet, Kara ignored the shout from Astra, who stared openmouthed as her niece pushed through the crowd, slamming the spear through the stomach of a giant man with enough force to pierce the chainmail at the back. Leaving the spear in the man’s stomach as he sank to his knees, Kara drew her sword and cleaved a path through the enemy, heading in the general direction she’d seen Lena. She could hear Astra roaring behind her, but Kara didn’t care, and as she caught a glimpse of steel armour in the midst of a circle of boiled leather and chainmail, Kara let out a roar of anger.

 

            “Shield!” she shouted at the nearest soldier, who stared at her with wide eyes before dropping to her knees. Sprinting forward, Kara stepped onto the braced shield and launched herself over the tops of some of the soldiers. She smashed into the back of one of the men with enough force to cave in his chest as they slammed into the ground. Kara locked eyes with a furious looking Lena, and it was like a calm of silence swept over her in the middle of the mayhem, before she saw a man dart forward. Barreling into him with her shield, Kara rolled off him and scrambled into a protective crouch in front of Lena, her teeth bared at the soldier’s as they circled them. Lunging forward, Kara stabbed a soldier through the throat, spraying blood all over herself as she pulled it back out.

 

            “What the fuck are you doing?” Lena’s angry yell came from behind her, and Kara felt herself being yanked backwards by the back of her breastplate. Feet slipping on the muddy ground, Kara twisted, bracing herself against Lena as they came face to face, chests heaving and eyes blazing. And then Kara was pushing her aside as she dropped to her knees and plunged her sword upwards into a woman’s gut, then cutting a man’s leg out from under him as he stepped forward. “Kara! Get out of here!”

 

            She ignored Lena’s shouts, dimly aware of her fighting against her own opponents, and she kept on fighting, almost as if she was in a frenzy, as she drove them back and slowly made her way back towards the thick of her own army, making sure that Lena was behind her the entire time. With the push and pull of battle, and the indistinguishable armour, Kara was far away from Astra as she spared a glance around for her aunt, and then with some surprise she realized that the soldiers were backing down slightly, leaving them in a small clearing. Turning slowly, she realized that stood before Lena was Rhea.

 

            Covered in blood, she smiled wickedly as she looked at her daughter and Kara. A sword was held loosely at her side and her breastplate was scored with shallows lines from swords that probably belonged to dead people now. “Well isn’t _this_ interesting,” Rhea said, the delight dripping from her words as her eyes darted from the protective stance that Kara took before Lena, to the way that Lena shielded Kara’s left with her shield.

 

            “I’ll admit, I didn’t see this happening,” Rhea admitted, giving them a helpless shrug while her smile sharpened. There was a gleam of something that almost looked like excitement in her eyes, and Kara’s face contorted into a snarl as she tracked Rhea’s movements. “I believe I offered the wrong child up.”

 

            “Stay away from _my_ daughter,” a cold voice spat from behind them. Lillian.

 

            “Ah, so _you’re_ Lillian. I never had the pleasure of meeting you,” Rhea said, her lips curling into a satisfied smile. “Your husband on the other hand …”

 

            Kara was almost relieved at the fact that it didn’t get a rise out of Lillian – she was too smart, too cunning, to let it get a rise out of her. Letting out a snort of laughter, Lillian grabbed Kara by the back of her breastplate and dragged her backwards. “Move your ass. _Now,”_ she snarled, and Kara staggered as her Lillian let her go, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise at the tone and command. Slowly, the three of them backed out of the circle, keeping a wary eye on the still soldier’s and Rhea’s smug smile.

 

            The spell seemed to break the moment that they pushed past the last soldier, and soon enough they were cutting a path ahead of them, forging their back towards the thick of the fighting as quickly as possible, where their fellow warriors fought on. Kara pulled up short at the sight of a horse rearing slightly before her, avoiding the long blade sticking out from its harness, and then she saw Alex hopping out of the back of the chariot, two swords whirling as she fought off anyone who came close with a ferocity that shocked even Kara, and them rough hands were pulling and pushing her until she was stood behind Lucy, who let out a harsh shout as she urged the horses onwards.

 

            “Lucy! Turn around!” Kara ordered her, clinging to the sides of the chariot as they made a straight line back to camp. Their own soldier’s were quick to move out of the way of the horses and blades, closing up the gaps as soon as they flew past, and Kara felt her frustration grow as the sounds of battle grew further and further away. “Lucy! Take me back to the battle. Now!”

 

            “Forgive me, Your Majesty, but my duty is firstly to keep you safe,” Lucy shouted, and Kara was tempted to fling herself out of the back of the chariot and charge her way back through the ranks of soldier’s, but they were already back at camp. Reining in the horses, Lucy brought them to a skidding halt before the trench, jumping down and dragging Kara with her. She kept a firm hand around Kara’s arm as they rushed across the wooden planks, finding themselves back inside the camp, and only then did Lucy let her go. “Do _not_ let her cross the trenches!” Lucy shouted at the soldier’s stood on sentry duty, before she turned and ran back to the chariot, the wheels tearing up the ground as she raced back through the army, shouting at soldier’s to move.

 

            Kara let out a frustrated yell, slamming the tip of her sword into the frozen ground as she caught her breath. She was silent for a few minutes, removing her helmet and running a gloved hand over her forehead, wiping away the sweat that was started to freeze on her face. Spitting out a mouthful of blood, Kara donned her helmet again and pulled her sword out of the ground before she looked at the soldier’s. “If either one of you tries to stop me, I’ll see you shoveling horse shit for the next month.”

 

            Neither of them tried to stop her.

 

            Feet pounding on the wooden planks, Kara made her way through the rear of her army, bearing right so that she would come out away from who would try to drag her away from the fight. The sounds of fighting grew louder as she pushed through to the front, the air thick with the smell of blood and the indistinguishable sounds of screams of pain overwhelmed her. “Brace your shield!” she barked at a soldier, who turned to look at her, eyes widening in recognition, before they obeyed and Kara boosted herself over the heads of the last of her soldier’s holding the line and joined the fray where the two armies clashed.

 

            Spinning around in a wide circle, Kara sliced through three soldiers with the sharpened edge of her shield as she sheathed her sword and yanked a spear out of the stomach of a dead man. Forging forward, she found herself surrounded by enemies, and was quick to knock them back with the spear, whirling it around in wide arcs before making quick jabs. Each time she struck, she ended another life. The ground beneath her feet was soon swimming with blood, and she trampled over dead bodies, feeling sick at the feeling of bones giving way beneath her weight. Yet still, she pushed onwards, her soldier’s rallying behind her as they speared their way through the right flank of the army. Soon enough they were mingling with horses, and Kara scrambled up onto the back of a riderless horse, wheeling the black stallion around and trampling a soldier as its hooves slammed back down to the ground. Launching her spear through the back of a helmed head, Kara drew her sword and started slashing at anyone who came near her, steering the horse with her knees as she covered her left with her shield.

 

\---

 

            The sun was setting as Kara wearily urged her horse into a plodding walk over the uneven ground as they retreated. Her eyes lingered on the sight of the dead bodies, and at the sight of one of her own soldier’s still alive, face ghostly pale and twisted in pain, she stopped and dismounted. “Shh, you’re okay,” she choked out, pulling the woman out from underneath the dead weight of a man. Her leg was broken, the jagged edge of yellowish bone poking out through her thigh, and Kara clenched her teeth, willing herself not to be sick. “This is going to hurt.”

 

            Quickly, Kara tore the bottom of the shirt on the closest dead body, pushing the woman’s chainmail up high and winding the trip around the thigh. She didn’t hesitate as she quickly tightened it around the leg, eliciting an ear-splitting scream off the woman, who promptly vomited all over herself. Kara repeated it just above her knee, murmuring apologies and soothing words to the woman, who was on the verge of passing out. Tearing bigger strips off more bodies, Kara gently covered the wound, hoping that it wasn’t too late to stave off infection as she climbed to her feet, sheathing her sword and slinging her shield over her shoulder. Leaning down, she lifted the woman, struggling with the dead weight and heavy armour as she draped her over the back of the horse. A nearby man helped her, and Kara breathlessly thanked him, clapping him on the shoulder before she gathered the reins in her hand and slowly walked back to camp.

 

            She crossed over the wooden planks, blending in with the stream of hundreds of soldier’s, all muddy and bloody, some wounded and some not, and she made for the nearest medical tent. Turning over the woman to the first healer she saw, Kara made her way back outside, handing the horse off to a man who didn’t have one, hoping that a mount might help him survive the rest of the war.

 

            Dragging her feet, Kara trudged through the camp, weaving in and out of soldiers and horses, tuning out the sounds of screams of pain as the wounded were tended to. Her feet instinctively led her back to her own tent, and she was in a daze, which was only broken by a hand clamping down on her shoulder. Slowly blinking away the shock of the aftermath of the battle, Kara looked up at Astra, who quickly propelled her into her tent.

 

            “What the _hell_ was that?” Astra shouted at her, fuming as she stood across from her. With a tired sigh, Kara let her shield fall to the ground with a dull thud before she took off her helmet and placed in on top of her stand, and slowly began to unbuckle her armour with numb fingers. “What were you even thinking? _Were_ you even thinking? What in Rao’s name made you think jumping into the enemy _alone_ was a good idea?”

 

            With a frustrated huff, Kara gave up with the buckles of her armour, and then gentle hands began to unbuckle it for her, and she looked up at Alex. Her face was all sharp angles and tense with anger, but she didn’t even meet Kara’s gaze, and then further behind her was Lena and Lillian, and Kara was relieved to see that everyone was fine. Astra snapped her fingers before Kara’s glazed eyes and she blinked herself back into focus. “I was doing my duty,” Kara stiffly replied.

 

            “Your _duty?”_ Astra echoed, her eyebrows rising in surprise. “Your duty is to sit on your throne and rule the people, _not_ to needlessly charge into the middle of a fight and risk your life. I made a promise to your mother that I would keep you safe, little one, and I will not have you make me break it by charging into the middle of a group of Daxamites.”

 

            “That _is_ our way,” Kara replied, stubbornly jutting her chin forward.

 

            Astra’s eyebrows furrowed together in a scowl, “that is _not_ our way. Our way is bravery and courage, and to never give in to defeat. Not t-to recklessly risk our lives and make foolish decisions in the midst of battle. What did you achieve from this?”

 

            Forcing herself not to look at Lena, Kara fumbled as she tried to think up a lie; she couldn’t tell them she’d seen Lena in danger. “I-I saw Rhea,” Kara blurted out, “I thought perhaps if we- if we cut the head off the snake we could take a small victory. Besides, I was not alone – Lena was there, as well as Lillian.”

 

            “She could’ve had any of her soldier’s cut you down,” Lillian said, “if she did not want you alive, you would be speared on the ends of their swords.”

 

            Kara let out a snort of laughter, “do you think so little of mine and your daughter’s skills in battle? I should think that we’ve proved ourselves enough.”

 

            “Kara,” Alex said in a low warning voice in Kara’s ear.

 

            “Leave me,” Kara ordered them, her hands fumbling with her sword belt as she undid it and tossed it aside. Her temper was short and she was exhausted as she stripped off her chainmail and let it slither to the floor as it gently clinked. Everyone stood there for a moment, before they all bowed and turned to leave. As Lena went to walk out lastly, Kara stopped her. “Not you.”

 

            Stopping, Lena let the tent flaps fall back into place and crossed her arms over her dirty breastplate. She’d taken off her helmet, and her hair was plastered to her face, stray curls clinging to the sweat, war paint and blood on her face, which was a mask of anger as she faced Kara.  They were silent for a moment, and Kara pulled off her greaves and vambraces before walking over to the washstand and splashing her face with water. With a sigh she rounded on Lena, wiping her face with a cloth. “What in the God’s names was that?”

 

            “ _Me?!”_ Lena exclaimed, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise. “Don’t you mean _you?_ Seriously, Kara, what the fuck were you doing?”

 

            “No, Lena, what were _you_ doing?” Kara snapped, her eyes burning with anger that only barely hid the fear. “Where was Jack? Where was _anyone?_ What were you doing that far ahead of the fighting? I-I thought you were going to get hurt, I thought you were going to _die_.”

 

            “Well then you _let_ me get hurt, and you let me die. You don’t charge into the middle of people trying to _capture_ you,” Lena argued.

 

            Kara threw the cloth down into the basin of water, splashing it everywhere as she let out a frustrated huff, her eyes prickling slightly as her anger roused . “You think I could watch you die and just stand by and do _nothing?_ ”

 

            Lena’s shoulders sagged as she let out a heavy sigh, reaching out for Kara. “No, but you _must._ Just like how we must keep us a secret. You don’t have to like it, but you have to do it. _”_

 

            “I am the Queen, Lena, I do what I _want_ ,” Kara harshly told her, her hands circling Lena’s wrists and holding her at arms length, “something that everyone around here seems to be forgetting. I am _not_ a child who needs to be chastised whenever they do something that someone else doesn’t like. I make _my own_ decisions; do you understand?”

 

            “Yes, Your Majesty,” Lena stiffly replied, bowing her head as she tore her arms out of Kara’s grip. “Excuse me.”

 

            Kara reached out for her as she turned away, “wait, Lena, I didn’t mean-“ The tent flaps fell closed behind her and Kara’s face crumpled with pain. Letting out a frustrated groan, Kara ran her fingers through her hair, muttering curses under her breath. She didn’t want to fight with Lena; they got to spend so little time together already, and the last thing she wanted was for harsh words to get in between them. Stripping off her jerkin and sweat-soaked tunic and shirt, she quickly picked up the cloth, wringing it out and wiping away as much of the grime and dirt away as she could. Fishing out a clean shirt, Kara slipped her fur trimmed coat on and re-belted her sword on.

 

            Walking outside, she paused to untie Streaky and ruffled the fur on her neck, dislodging some of the snow stuck in her fur. James and Winn fell into step behind Kara as she made her way through the camp, offering nods and tight smiles to soldier’s as they bowed and murmured their praises for her fighting today. Soon enough the big tent with the orange flag flying above it loomed before them, and Kara bid James and Winn to stop far enough away that they would be out of earshot, even though the camp was loud enough to drown out any conversations anyway. Walking up to the tent flaps, Kara commanded Streaky to sit outside, before hesitating slightly.

 

            “Lord Spheer,” Kara called out.

 

            The tent flaps parted a moment later, and Jack was stood there, looking tired as he dried his wet hair with a cloth. “Your Majesty.”

 

            “I would have words with you – alone,” Kara stiffly told him, and he moved aside, which she figured meant that Lena wasn’t inside with him. She wasted no time, and quickly turned around to face him. “I told you _not_ to leave her side.”

 

            Kneeling before her, Jack bent his head. “Forgive me, Your Majesty. I have tried to follow close behind her for the past three weeks, but she is easy to lose in a crowd.” _Not to me_ , Kara thought to herself. “I am usually but two steps away before I catch her up, but today she forged on ahead and I was cut off by one of the enemy.”

 

            “She could’ve died,” Kara bluntly replied.

 

            “I would have torn them apart with my own hands to stop that,” Jack murmured, “as you tried to do.”

 

            Swallowing the lump in her throat, Kara nodded. “If she is hurt, I shall never forgive you.” Brushing past him to leave, she was stopped by him calling her name. Not her title, her name.

 

            “Kara, I’m sorry,” Jack murmured.

 

            Nodding, she didn’t turn around. “Do not let it happen again.”

 

            “I do not speak of today,” Jack said, stopping her again as she reached out to push aside the flaps. “I-I’m sorry that I cannot take back my vows. I’m sorry for both of you, for I know that you love her, and I have recently come to realize that the reason she doesn’t love me is because she loves you.”

 

            “What has she said?” Kara sharply asked, turning around to look at Jack with frightened eyes.

 

            “Nothing. She didn’t have to,” he gently told her. “She has been happy since your return, and there is love in her voice whenever she talks of you, or in her eyes when she looks at you.” Kara found it hard to breathe as fear welled up inside her at his words. “I truly do love her, I hope you know that, and for that, I wish that I could let her be happy with you. I would wish that for you as well, my Queen. I hope you can understand why I cannot let her see you in secret. It is everyone’s honour on the line.”

 

            Kara gave him a small smile, realizing that he truly did mean his words. “I care not for my honour, but I would not let her leave you for me, for her own sake. Just … don’t tell anyone, for her safety. Please.”

 

            “Of course,” Jack said, bowing his head. Kara nodded again, and walked outside, whistling for Streaky to follow as she made her way towards James and Winn. She saw Lena talking to them, and as Kara approached, Lena walked towards her, or rather, past her, and Kara brushed her hand against hers in a gentle touch. Lena didn’t so much as acknowledge the soft touch, but Kara saw the way her shoulders sighed with relief as Lena walked over to her tent. Tensions were just running high out of fear and weariness; neither of them were angry, they were just frightened.

 

            They all were.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost considered moving the timeline of the overall fic up so I could end the slow burn quicker, but then I thought why not stick to the plan that I don't have yet and give you more chapters until I figure out what the hell I'm doing lmao

            Into the second month of war, the fights turned into light skirmished of only a few thousand a day, or the cavalry and archers would take to the field and thin out the lines. It gave them more time to rest, on both sides, and Kara knew that it was a necessary compromise, for they had all been run ragged over the past six weeks. Still, there was no sign of victory in the near future – not unless Kara could take out Rhea – but there was no sign of defeat either. For every one of their soldier’s killed, two of Rhea’s were in turn, for she had most of her forces still on ships or within the city, and Kara was waiting to hear from Kal about her own naval fleet.

 

            The fighting had also spread away from the main battlefield, some skirmishes ranging into the rolling hills where Kara was pleased to find Reign and her tribe riding to join them in battle, while others took place in between the small forest to the south, where Maggie’s rangers hid in the canopy and picked off the enemy one by one with their arrows. The addition of the tribes of horsemen from the plains helped boost their cavalry, and Kara was pleased to see her friend again. More and more troops had poured into the camp too, as foot soldier’s walked the length of the country to join her war, seeking glory and fame that Kara couldn’t promise them. A lot of them would die, and no one would remember their names. A part of Kara prayed that her name wouldn’t be remembered for her being the Queen to lose a war and plunge the kingdom into death and chaos. It was everything she had wanted to avoid, and it was a very real possibility if the war raged on for a long while. There was hopes that it would be through before the year turned again, but even then, there would be thousands put down by swords and arrows, and Kara was hoping that it would be over in a few more months. Even that long sounded unbearable, but there was some comfort in the fact that winter was starting to fade.

 

            Even as Kara swung herself up onto the back of Comet, she could see that the trees were starting to form little buds where flowers and leaves would soon sprout, and the snow covered plains and hills showed hints of green as new shoots of grass sprang up underneath the melting snow. Soon enough they wouldn’t be fighting in the snow, but with a grim look on her face, Kara realized that they would soon be fighting in the rain, and the already muddy battlefield would be slippery with puddles of water seeping into all the holes they’d made in the trampled ground.

 

            They were making their way to the Godswood to pray on their day of rest, and Kara suspected that so many of her friends offered to join her as guards so that they could escape the choking smell of burning flesh that came from the funeral pyres on the battlefield as an unfortunate few dozen men and women burnt their dead. The smell of blood and death lingered even with the overwhelming smell coming off the fires, and Kara breathed shallowly as they crossed the trenches, seeking the smell of rotting foliage and the clean wind that blew northerly and carried no stench of death with it.

 

            Amongst the thick trunks of the trees, Kara felt a weight lift off her shoulders slightly. Here, she didn’t have to give orders, or listen to the sounds of people dying, and she let out a quiet sigh of relief. Her shoulders were still hunched as she stiffly sat upon the back of her horse though, and her mind was full to the brim with a thousands troubling thoughts, the most pressing one being Lena. They hadn’t had a moment alone since they had fought, and while Kara knew that things between them were fine, she hadn’t had time to tell her about Jack, and she wasn’t sure if he’d told her himself. She hadn’t even had the chance to fully talk about their fight, only murmured conversations around the fire to ensure that they weren’t angry with each other, and Kara found her frustration growing as everything seemed to be working against her. For one who was supposed to be blessed by the gods, Kara couldn’t help but bitterly think about how unfair everything was, and most of it was entirely her own creation. If she’d just married Mon-El, things would be so much simpler – worse, but simpler.

 

            “Stop,” Maggie called out from behind them, and Kara turned to look at her in confusion. The smaller girl was sat on the back of her horse, shoulders tense and head cocked to one side as she pulled her hood down. “Do you hear that?”

 

            “What?” Alex asked, her defences rising as she moved her horse up next to Kara’s and placed her hand on the pommel of her sword, ready to draw it if there was an ambush waiting for them.

 

            “Chimes on the wind,” Maggie softly murmured, her eyes closed and a small crease forming between her eyebrows. Urging her horse forwards, Kara carried on towards the Godswood, her eyes darting around for any sign of movement, and soon enough she could hear the gentle clinking sounds too. It wasn’t until they broke through to the small clearing with Rao’s tree did they realize its source.

 

            Kara’s eyes widened in horror as she looked at the dozens of swords strung from the branches of the red-leaved tree, swaying in the howling wind and colliding with sharp sounds of metal striking metal. It was almost melodic. Beside the swords were the dead, bloated bodies of their owners, strung up by their ankles or necks, with purple frozen faces and wide, staring eyes. Kara felt tears sting her eyes at the sight, and she ground her teeth together as she willed herself to not let them fall.

 

            “Fuck.”

 

            She turned around in the saddle, taking in the angry and sickened faces of everyone present, and hearing the muttered curses as they covered their noses to lessen the smell of blood and death. Sliding off her horse, Kara landed on the ground and walked closer to the tree, staring up at the unrecognizable faces. Footsteps followed after her, and she turned around to face Astra. “Burn them.”

 

            “Of course, Your Majesty,” she replied, snapping her fingers at two of the closest soldiers and sighing as the man started to retch. Walking towards the left side of the clearing, Kara let out a shaky breath, whirling around at the cry of anguish.

 

            It was Zod. She watched as he stared up at a woman with dark hair swinging from one of the lower branches. Wrapping an arm around her legs, he cut her down and lowered her to the cold ground, cradling her in his arms as he stroked her bloated face with a shaking hand. “No, no, no, Faora.”

 

            Faora. Kara knew her, she was Zod’s wife, and she hadn’t even recognized her face. She felt sick to her stomach as she watched him cradle his wife’s dead body, and she couldn’t stop her eyes from darting over to Lena as she thought about how it would feel to lose the person you loved most in the world, and to hold their body in your arms. Lena was staring right back at her, and Kara had to look away. She felt sick.

 

            Turning around, she strode off through the woods, moving further and further away from the tree hung with the dead. She quietly prayed that the gods would strike down whoever had done it as she moved further and further away from the tree that was supposed to represent light and life. She didn’t stop until a white trunked tree loomed before her. With a bitter laugh, Kara looked up at the bare branches, realizing that it was an aspen – the tree that represented Cythonna. She had run from life and light, only to stumble upon the tree dedicated to the goddess of ice and death. Kara couldn’t help but think about how fitting it was for the moment. In a burst of anger, she lashed out at the trunk of the tree, her fist thudding into the hard wood and sending a spike of pain through her knuckles.

 

            “You will not be able to swing a sword if you carry on.”

 

            She whirled around at the soft sound of the voice behind her, taking in the sight of Lena stood in between the trunks of the trees Kara had just come through. Turning back around, Kara braced herself against the trunk of the tree, feeling the bumps beneath her leather gloves. “You should not be here,” she murmured, listening as Lena stepped closer.

 

            “Alex is nearby, as is Maggie. They will stop anyone who comes this way,” Lena assured her, and Kara let out a soft sigh.

 

            “We have not been as careful as you might think,” Kara said, turning around to face her. She was only a few steps away now, and Kara’s heart yearned to be closer to her, to touch her, but she stayed firmly planted where she was. “Jack knows of our true feelings. I’m not sure if her knows of our time stolen together, but he knows all the same.”

 

            Lena let out a forceful breath, as if the air had been knocked out of her lungs by the news; he clearly hadn’t told her. “Well … at least I know why he has not tried to touch me for the past two moons,” Lena dully replied, not sounding the least bit bothered.

 

            “You act as if it is of little consequence,” Kara quietly exclaimed, “if word gets out then you can be used against me.”

 

            “Have you already forgotten that that _woman_ has eyes?” Lena asked, frowning slightly as she pursed her lips. “I fear that you gave us away the day you tried to take on a dozen soldiers while she watched from the sidelines. It is a wonder that no one else has figured it out; what do you suppose my mother and your aunt would say? Besides, she has other reasons to capture me, _besides_ using me against you.”

 

            Kara huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “That isn’t the point, Lena. I will not give her another reason to capture you – or to let anyone else use you against me. You _know_ that I would sacrifice anything for you. We must be more careful around each other; we cannot risk secret glances or touches anymore. If they captured you, I would lay down my crown, my life, my _soul_ to keep you safe. I wouldn’t want any of it without you.”

 

            The muscles in Lena’s jaw worked as she looked away. “Do not say such things.”

 

            “But they are true!” Kara insisted. “Keeping them to myself does not make them any less true, and I would have you know how I truly feel. I do not wish to make things more difficult, but you know all this already. You know how I feel.”

 

            “I do,” Lena murmured in agreement, “and you do not need to reassure me of your feelings … but I would caution you against being so open with your words beneath the sight of the gods, for your soul belongs to them.”

 

            Rolling her eyes, Kara smiled slightly. “You have never been overly faithful. Why the sudden change of heart?”

 

            Lena shrugged, wrinkling her nose slightly as she looked at Kara. “We only ever get to spend time together when we are in the Godswood, whether it be here or at Kandor. It would seem that _they_ want us to spend some time together at least, so I must keep faith with them.”

 

            “Keep faith with _us_ ,” Kara softly told her, her lips curling up into a small smile as she walked forwards, gently stroking Lena’s cheek as she brushed past her and made her way back towards the way they had come.

 

            “Kara, wait,” Lena called after her, stopping her near the trunks of the trees. “Things between us … they are well?”

 

            Giving her a tender smile, Kara nodded. “Always.”

 

\---

 

            All of the bodies were cut down and taken through the forest and onto the battlefield, where they were added to the pyres and had the death prayer recited. Kara was present as Faora was added to the pyre, but she had no words of comfort for Zod; nothing would bring back his wife, and anything she said would feel empty. After that, she left the soldiers to pile the rest of the bodies on, and made her way back to camp.

 

            “Your Majesty!” a soldier called out, running towards her as she made her way back towards her tent. “There is someone waiting for you at your tent. A woman who says she is here for the Flamebird,” the woman breathlessly told Kara, who nodded and doubled her pace.

 

            As she neared the small clearing before her tent, she noticed a red cloaked figure stood by the fire, and smiled to herself. Clearing her throat, Kara watched as Roulette turned around and her face went pale as her eyebrows shot up, taking in the golden crown that encircled Kara’s head. “ _You?!”_

“Me,” Kara said, giving Roulette a helpless gesture as she shrugged slightly.

 

            Slowly kneeling, Roulette bowed her head, her shoulders tense as if she awaited the blow of a sword to her neck. “Your Majesty. I beg your forgiveness-“

 

            “Save your words,” Kara interrupted, beckoning for her to stand up. “I have asked-“

 

            Kara cut off as Lena brushed past her and swung at Roulette, catching her squarely on the jaw. Mouth falling open in shock, Kara silently watched as Lena grabbed her by the hair and kicked her knees out from under her, pulling Roulette a bit closer to the fire. Quickly shaking herself out of her shock, Kara stepped forward. “Enough!”

 

            “If you ever so much as _touch_ her again, I will cut your throat and leave your body for the crows, and the only fire that will kiss your flesh is the one I use to burn my mark into you skin, the way you did to her,” Lena hissed, letting her go. Roulette pulled herself to her feet, looking faintly amused as she watched Lena stalk back over to Kara and stand behind her.

 

            “Well, now that that’s out of the way,” Kara said, her eyes still slightly wide as she looked at Roulette. “I am in need of your services.”

 

            Roulette hesitated, giving Kara a puzzled look. “Y-you aren’t going to kill me?”

 

            Kara smiled, her nose wrinkling slightly as she looked at her. “I had a mind to seek you out when I reached Xan City, and punish you for all the innocent lives you have taken in your pits. Yet, we are at war, and I learnt a valuable lesson from you; knowledge is power. I asked you to come in return for any favour you would ask – I suggest you use it for me to spare your life, for I may not be so inclined to do so once the war is over.”

 

            “Then I shall use it as such,” Roulette grimly agreed, pressing her lips together with a look of displeasure on her face. “If I may, why have you requested my presence, Your Majesty?”

 

            “I am in need of someone who can obtain information for me. You had a whole city running under your command – oblivious to my cousin – and every piece of information running through it came back to you. I would have you find a way into the enemy’s camp and make yourself one of them. Talk to the soldiers, find out what you can, and report back to me.”

 

            “I am to be a _spy_?” Roulette asked, arching an eyebrow.

 

            Nodding, Kara mimicked her expression. “Is that going to be a problem? I could just as easily have you put in chains and let you stand on the battlefield and wait for someone else to take your life.”

 

            “I relish the thought of new information,” Roulette said, giving her a slight smirk.

 

            “Then go,” Kara ordered her, “and if you so much as give them _anything_ , I will not spare your life again.”

 

            “Your Majesty,” Roulette murmured, bowing low to Kara, who turned and walked into her tent. She flopped down on her bed cherishing the soft furs and thin mattress beneath her, and she laughed as Streaky jumped up beside her and started licking her face. Propping herself up on her elbows, Kara ruffled the wolf’s fur, turning her head slightly as she watched Alex part the tent flaps and walk in with Astra.

 

            Kara turned her attention back to the wolf, who was busy slobbering all over the front of Kara’s tunic as she panted. Smiling Kara, ran her fingers through the fur and waited for someone to talk. Alex poured herself some wine and sat down on the stool, and Astra gently cleared her throat. “We should talk about today.”

 

            “They have given offence to the gods,” Kara said, turning her head to the side to look at Astra. “They do not fight with honour. I should have known they wouldn’t from the very beginning.”

 

            “We must fight smarter,” Alex said. “Honour will get us all killed – we have to fight dirty. They have set the rules of the game, and now we should follow them.”

 

            Kara pushed herself back up onto her elbows and arched an eyebrow at Alex. “Your sister is right, little one,” Astra said, and Kara turned to look at her, “we must fight back against their actions.”

 

            “Will the gods not enact their own revenge?” Kara pointed out, and Astra let out a small sigh.

 

            “You are kissed by the sun; you carry Rao’s blessing. Perhaps you _are_ their revenge. Set a night attack, poison their water supply and burn their camp down. Starve them out. Do whatever it takes to win, for I fear that they will not fight honourably again.”

 

            Sitting up and swinging her legs over the side of the cot, Kara got to her feet with a weary sigh. “You are right. We should hold a meeting; gather the Generals.”

 

\---

 

            They spent hours strategizing as they tried to come up with a way to retaliate. No one was happy about the fact that they would have to resort to fighting dirty, but it was a necessary tactic if they wanted to keep as many of their soldiers alive as possible, while taking out as many of the enemy as possible. Many arguments broke out as everyone tried to fine tune their plans and argued over what was the best way to do it, and by the time the sun was setting, they had a plan.

 

            With a grim look on her face, Kara nodded to everyone and left the pavilion, feeling drained and exhausted. Alex and Maggie walked past, and Kara reached out to stop her sister. “Be careful.”

 

            “I will make sure it is done,” Alex assured her, and Kara squeezed her eyes shut.

 

            “I know you will, but I would see you safe with a failed plan, rather than you sacrificing yourself to see it done.”

 

            Alex wrapped her in a quick hug, and Maggie gave Kara a stiff nod, before they disappeared through the camp in search of the other rangers. It would take them hours to set the plan in motion, but Kara knew that if anyone could get it done secretly, it would be the rangers. She trusted Maggie to see it done, and she trusted Alex to oversee it all, even if she would’ve preferred her sister to stay safely within the walls of the camp. It was a small comfort to know that the darkness of night would help hide them, and after a sleepless night, Alex would spend all day tomorrow resting instead of fighting. Kara would only have to worry about Lena tomorrow.

 

            Making her way back to her tent, Kara sat down before the large fire, staring into the flames as she got lost in her thoughts. She didn’t stir until a wooden bowl piled high with pottage was placed in her hand. Looking up, Kara gave Lena a small smile, accepting the bread she was holding out and murmuring her thanks. Slowly, Kara began to eat, savouring the warmth of it as she dipped her bread in and chewed. Everyone spoke in low voices around the fire, and her eyes darted to each face, taking in the dark shadows under their eyes and the gaunt looks in their faces. Her eyes flickered back to Zod as her eyes passed him, taking it the glazed look in his eyes and the hard lines of his face; he looked cold. With a feeling of guilt, Kara looked away. His wife was dead because she’d wanted to be able to love Lena; he lost someone he loved for the slim chance of a someday for Kara.

 

            She looked over at Lena, who was sitting a few seats down to remain inconspicuous; if people were starting to find out, they needed to be more careful. The flickering flames of the fire bathed her face orange, and Kara’s eyes traced the curve of her cheekbones, the sharp angle of her jaw, and the heavy brow as she stared into the depths of the fire, nursing a cup of hot wine. Kara wondered what she was thinking, and she wished that she was at liberty to just ask without anyone being able to see through the guise of her friendly words. A feeling of bitterness welled up inside Kara; they were at war and they could scarcely talk to one another for fear of being caught out, and Kara hated the fact that at any moment something could happen to them, and they wouldn’t have had the opportunity to be together. They would’ve wasted so much time on being honourable.

 

            Turning her gaze aside, Kara leant towards Winn, who was eating beside her. “Winn, you are a scholar – a good one – and I know that you have a penchant for design and engineering … but I wonder if you could tell me of marriage laws.”

 

            “ _Marriage?”_ Winn quietly asked, his eyebrows rising slightly. “You’re not thinking of offering to take back your rejection, are you?”

 

            “No,” Kara said with a quiet laugh, “I do not think that would help anyone now. I only wish to know of what constitutes a legal marriage … and how one may break it.”

 

            Winn sat there with a thoughtful look on his face as he pondered Kara’s questions. Hesitating, he slowly began to explain what he knew. “You know that the vows must be said before the gods, with a witness present, and it must be consummated afterwards. If no witness is present, or it is not consummated, then the marriage will be nullified. There are other ways to break them also – death, lunacy, infertility. In the cases of such things, the marriage will also be nullified.”

 

            Kara nodded, taking a sip of her wine. “Thank you, Winn.”

 

            “Is there anything I can help you with? Is-is there a reason …?”

 

            Slowly taking another sip, Kara set the cup of wine down and willed herself to not glance at Lena. Smiling warmly, she turned to Winn. “No reason. I was just wondering if it would’ve been possible for me to have gotten out of a marriage to him if I’d gone down that path. I’m glad that it wasn’t necessary.”

 

            “As are we all,” Winn said, returning the smile.

 

            Eating the last of her bread, Kara’s mind turned over his words. Sneaking a quick peek at Lena, Kara couldn’t help but hope that there was an easier way for them to be together. Either way, she knew that she wouldn’t stop fighting for Lena, or for the dream that one day they could love each other out in the open.

 

            The sound of distant screams tore her out of her thoughts, and she glanced towards the direction of the Daxamite camp, an unsurprised look on her face. She knew the camp would be bathed in orange flames as it swept through the tents and wagons, burning everything in its path. The tar-like substance that Lillian had told her the Science Guild had created was very flammable, and she knew Maggie’s rangers would have blended in with the surroundings, getting as close to the enemy as possible before they let loose a rain of flaming arrows. Alex would be there with a few other rangers, on the opposite side of the camp, to let barrels full of the substance leak onto the battlefield while Maggie’s archers distracted them near the fringes of the forest. In the morning, the battlefield would be lit up, burning alive hundreds of Daxamite’s at the rear of the army, with no enemy to fight back against. With grim satisfaction, Kara counted it as a small victory for them that night.

 

\---

 

            Standing at the edge of the trenches, Kara looked out at the orange flames still burning even after almost an hour, and the thick smoke rising that blotted out the nearly full moon hanging overhead. They should be back soon.

 

            Almost as soon as she thought it, figures started to materialize out of the dark, and she let out a relieved sob at the sight of Alex rushing towards her in the midst of dozens of rangers. It took her a moment to realize what was wrong, but she realized Maggie wasn’t walking beside her, she was leaning _on_ her. “Get a healer,” Kara shouted to no one in particular, knowing that the order would be obeyed, and she patiently waited for everyone to make it over the wooden planks.

 

            Alex was covered in blank tar, and her face was bone white in the glimpses that peeked through the thick coating of the substance. She was unharmed, but she looked terrified as she carried Maggie into the camp, and Kara saw the arrow sticking out of her shoulder. Rushing forward, she carefully helped guide Maggie through the camp, taking her to the tent she shared with Alex, and helped set her down on the cot. With trembling hands, Alex started to unbuckle the leather armour she wore, and Kara reached out to stop her.

 

            “Go outside, Alex,” Kara softly, but firmly ordered her. Alex opened her mouth to protest, but Kara laid a gently hand on her shoulder and propelled her towards the tent flaps. “I have sent for a healer already, and in the meantime I know what I am doing. You will worry yourself sick if you have to watch. Now go.”

 

            Alex’s bottom lip trembled slightly as she looked at Maggie, whose face was drawn in pain and was extremely pale, with eyes glistening with tears. She drew in a shuddering breath and nodded, blinking back tears and walking outside the tent. Kara didn’t hear footsteps leaving though, and she knew Alex would have planted herself right next to the door, stubbornly refusing to move an inch more.

 

            Approaching the cot, Kara gave Maggie a tense smile, reaching out with gentle hands. “I’ll be as gentle as I can,” Kara assured her, and Maggie gave her the tiniest of nods as Kara started to unbuckle the leather. Once it was all undone, she braced a hand against Maggie’s chest, pinning her down, before she snapped the flights off the arrow shaft, gritting her teeth as Maggie let out a scream of pain and arched her back off the cot. Making gentle hushing sounds, Kara slipped the leather armour off the end of the arrow shaft, trying not to jostle it, and then the healer arrived.

 

            She stayed throughout the whole thing, offering what little assistance she could, just like she used to do with Alex. The worst part was pulling out the arrowhead, but Maggie was barely conscious by that point and the darkness soon took over her. Once the wound was sewn shut and her shoulder was tightly wrapped, Kara walked out of the tent, and Alex scrambled to her feet.

 

            Gripping her hand tightly in her own, Kara gave her sister a reassuring smile. “She will be fine. I'm sorry that our plan has put her in harms way.”

 

            “Thank you, sister, and the blame is not with you. We all know what is at stake,” Alex hoarsely whispered, and Kara gave her a small nod.

 

            A smile played on the corners of her lips, “I guess I am not as useless at healing as I had thought.” Alex let out a hysterical laugh, gently elbowing Kara in the stomach as she rolled her eyes, and the Kara moved aside and let Alex slip past her.

 

            There was a feeling of dread inside Kara as she skirted the fire and walked towards her own tent. Lena was sat down in front of the fire, on the log closest to the entry to Kara’s tent, and Kara hesitated, before walking over to sit down beside her. Lena gently nudged her knee with her own, and Kara gave her a small smile, forgetting that she had warned Lena against these very things earlier on. A part of her wanted to say she didn’t care what would happen if everyone knew of their love, but she would be lying to herself, for she cared a great deal about it. Not about what they would _say_ , but about what some of them would do to Lena to use her against Kara. She wasn’t naïve enough to think that she didn’t have enemies within her court; she knew for a fact that she did.

 

            For a moment, it was nice to forget though. There had been too much violence on that day, on the day that was supposed to be their day of peaceful rest. Just for a few moments, she would let there be a gentle touch of love, and if it was a mistake, if it was their undoing, then she would welcome the mistake. In that moment, it was enough.  


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates might be a bit irregular over the next couple of weeks bc I have a tonne of uni work to do, but I'll try my best to post daily

           The fighting had turned dirty since the day that they had found the bodies swinging from the trees, and Kara had found her mood worsening as the weeks slipped by without any advancement towards a victory. The camps had moved slightly over the duration of the war, sometimes shifting north to fight in the rolling hills, and sometimes nearing the cliffs as Kara tried to attack from the north and breach the walls of Argo City, yet they were met with walls of Daxamites at every turn. One small comfort was that no one else close to her had been injured – thankfully – yet they couldn’t seem to win, and every day longer that they lingered in the war, she feared that someone she cared about would be taken away from her.

 

           They barely slept in the night now, fearing attacks off the Daxamites ever since the rangers had lit up their camp. Their one day a week for rest and prayer was always spent on edge too, and nobody took their armour off, even when they slept. The first signs of spring were in the air, and while the glimpses of green and budding flowers made for a welcome change, fighting in slippery mud and puddles of water as rain poured down made the fighting more difficult and unpleasant. It made for unhappy and tired soldiers, and Kara couldn’t blame them for it. There were other pressing matters too, like food supplies and farming, for spring was the time when crops would be sown, and farmers would till the fields ready for planting. Kara worried that with the amount of people joining the army, there wouldn’t be enough people in the fields, and there wouldn’t be enough supplies harvested to keep her vast army fed. There was also the matter of the people in Argo City. It had been months now, and she knew that they would be running on the winter supplies, and possibly fish, and they had no way to plant for the next harvest because the city gates were firmly closed at all times.

 

           Kara was laying on her cot, staring up at the tent ceiling and tossing over ideas of what to do, when the tent flaps were parted. Turning her head, she watched as Streaky climbed to her feet and went to sniff Alex’s boots as she ducked her head to come inside. “Good morning. You should come and eat before the battle.”

 

           “I have no desire to eat,” Kara replied with a weary sigh.

 

           “Even so, you will need your strength,” Alex told her, and, knowing that she was right, Kara got up off her cot and followed her outside. Fetching herself some porridge and tea, Kara sat down before the fire and started eating, getting lost in her thoughts once again. The sky was a pale blue today, with low clouds tracing their way across the sky, and the threat of rain didn’t seem to be too likely, which was a small mercy.

 

           Scraping her bowl clean, Kara set it down beside her and tilted her head back as she closed her eyes. The feeling of the weak sunlight felt nice on her face, and she bathed in it for a few minutes while she pretended that she was elsewhere; in that poppy field with Lena, or at the beach in Argo City where she had swum as a child. Anywhere that was far from the noisy war camp filled with death and chaos.

 

           “Your Majesty.”

 

           Kara looked up at Roulette, who was hiding her Daxamite armour with a ragged brown cloak. How she managed to slip in and out unseen was unbeknown to Kara, but Roulette was as good at remaining unseen as Maggie or the assassins at Cair, and for a moment Kara wondered if she hailed from either groups of people. Nodding her head in a bid for Roulette to talk, Kara stared at her expectantly.

 

           “They plan to place the bulk of their cavalry on their right flank today – our left – and cut down the side and push us up into the hills,” Roulette told her, and Kara nodded. They would be cut off from part of their supplies and camp if they managed to cut them off along the edge of the forest, for the rangers had set up hidden stores within the trees so that they would be able to stay within the trees for days on end if need be, picking off the enemy from the safety of tree branches. It had been Maggie’s idea, and Kara was only too happy to let her decide where the rangers were best suited.

 

           “Anything else?” Kara asked.

 

           “Your cousin has managed to breach the blockade of their ships. Sixteen of their ships were destroyed in the process, all holding supplies of food and weapons. I believe that your cousin is now in possession of them.”

 

           Kara let out a sigh of relief, a small smile curling her lips at the good news. “Thank you. Orders remain the same.” Roulette bowed to Kara and slipped away. She didn’t trust her as far as she could throw her, but her information had always been exact and had saved the lives of many, and Kara knew that the threat of Roulette’s life being taken from her was what kept her loyal – for now.

 

           Climbing to her feet, Kara dusted her hands off on her leggings and went to find her Generals to plan for the fight.

 

\---

 

           Sat atop her horse at the very left flank of her army, Kara looked out at the Daxamites marching and riding forwards. Giving the signal, she spurred her horse towards them and they met the enemy halfway. The Kryptonians broke over them like water over the sand sculptures Kara had used to make as a child, washing through them and obliterating any trace of them as they drove the cavalry back. She was almost at the other side of the fighting when Kara realized that something was wrong.

 

           It shouldn’t have been that easy.

 

           Roulette had said that they would be setting the bulk of their cavalry at this point, but Kara and her soldiers had carved through them like a knife through soft butter. The enemy hadn’t stood a chance against the mass of the cavalry that the council and Generals had plotted to put there. Looking around, Kara slashed the throat of a soldier riding towards her, before she set off in search of Astra.

 

           She found her aunt locked in battle with a huge woman, and Kara rode up and pierced her heart from behind, ending the battle so that she could speak to Astra. “Something is wrong,” Kara shouted over the deafening sound of swords clashing and metal striking metal as swords fended off attacks. “It shouldn’t be this easy. We outnumber them four to one, easily.”

 

           “I know,” Astra shouted back, yanking a standing spear out of a dead body and throwing it twenty paces to catch a man in the chest. “I have sent riders to see how the other Generals fare.”

 

           Nodding, Kara lashed out with her shield, slicing open the stomach of a man and watching with disgust as his innards slithered out and he fell from his saddle. “We should press northwards.”

 

           Astra nodded and started shouted orders for everyone to form ranks facing north. They attacked the enemy from the side, up and down the left flank, forcing them to scramble back from two fronts of attack, and Kara felt grim satisfaction at the fact that they were pressing their advantage. She was just waiting for the other shoe to drop though, because it all seemed too easy.

 

           The fighting didn’t last more than a few hours, and the sun was only just hitting its peak when the Daxamite horn of retreat sounded. Kara immediately turned and ordered her soldiers to retreat, cutting down any soldiers wearing Daxamite army as they tried to run past and make for their own camp. At the sight of their fellow soldiers leaving the battlefield, the archers all mounted waiting horses and galloped across the field, letting loose a shower of arrows, taking down dozens of fleeing Daxamites before they managed to make it to the safety of their own camp. Leaving them to pick off the stragglers, Kara rode over the trenches and dismounted, pulling her helmet off and brushing stray sweaty curls out of her face.

 

           A soldier came to take her horse to be fed and watered for her, and Kara made her way to the command pavilion, awaiting all of her Generals and advisors to discuss the battle. She wanted to know what she was missing; something had happened and she wasn’t sure what.

 

           One by one, every one returned to the pavilion, and Kara took in the lack of injuries on her friends and family with relief. It wasn’t until five people didn’t show up that she realized why. Firstly, James and Lucy weren’t there, and neither were General Lane or General Zod. Lillian wasn’t there either, but she soon showed up, her face a mask of anger as she strode into the pavilion, bowing her head respectfully at Kara.

 

           “Their cavalry was positioned at our right flank, Your Majesty,” Lillian told her, “we had mostly foot soldiers there, for you had the bulk of the cavalry at the left flank with you. The losses … there were many.” There was swearing all around as Lillian broke the news to everyone, and Kara ground her teeth together in anger, her eyes stinging as tears threatened to form.

 

           “We should’ve known better than to trust the woman who kept us prisoners for a fucking year,” Alex said, her eyes blazing with anger. Kara nodded, her jaw clenching as she realized that Roulette had fed her lies, had made their right flank weak and let the enemy cut down her own people without much resistance.

 

           “Bring her to me,” Kara ordered no one in particular, and watching as Jack bowed to her and left.

 

           Lillian cleared her throat, and Kara turned her gaze to her, raising her eyebrows expectantly. “I believe that General Lane did not survive the battle, You Majesty.”

 

           Closing her eyes, Kara let out a shaky breath, realizing that Lucy would be mourning her father, and James would be with his wife. Eyelids fluttering open again, Kara nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. “And General Zod?”

 

           “I have not seen him since before the battle started, Your Majesty,” Lillian informed her.”

 

           Nodding, Kara ran a hand over her face, overcome with weariness. She stared down at the map spread out on the table in the middle of the pavilion, looking at the little markers for their army, and the ones for the enemy. That morning they had been arranged for their plan, trusting the words of Roulette, and Kara felt a wave of anger rush over her at her stupidity. She should’ve known never to trust her; she should’ve killed her as soon as she had been brought before her. Instead, she had thought she could use her. As she silently cursed Roulette in her head, the woman herself was dragged in a few moments later, stumbling slightly as James let her go.

 

           Drawing her sword, Kara walked towards her, grabbing her by the throat and placing the edge of the blade against her throat, watching as Roulette’s eyes widened in surprise, not entirely managing to mask her fear. “You snake,” Kara hissed, “give me one good reason why I shouldn’t slit your throat where you stand.”

 

           Roulette made a choking sound as she tried to answer, and Kara let her go, shoving her away roughly. Coughing, Roulette’s hands fluttered around her throat as she gasped. “I-I don’t know what-“ she rasped.

 

           “You lied,” Kara interrupted her, the tip of her sword hovering a hairsbreadth away from Roulette’s chest.

 

           “Your Majesty, I-I assure you, I have only told you the truth.”

 

           “You told me the Daxamite’s would be setting the bulk of their cavalry at our left flank,” Kara snarled, “they were at our right.”

 

           Roulette let out a shaky breath, her throat bobbing up and down as she swallowed. “I told you only what I knew. That was what I was told- there must’ve … it wasn’t me. I didn’t lie to you, Your Majesty. I will swear it upon the gods.”

 

           Lowering her sword, Kara sheathed it and slowly turned around, scanning the faces of everyone present. “I have been betrayed,” she slowly said, watching as everyone cast everyone else wary looks, not trusting the person next to them. “Where is Zod?”

 

\---

 

           Soldiers searched for hours, but no one found him, not even dead on the battlefield. Memories flashed before Kara’s eyes; of his wife’s body strung from a tree, him cradling her dead body, the glazed look in his eyes afterwards. She knew without a doubt that he had betrayed her, and he had done it because his wife had died in Kara’s war for her own selfish love. She couldn’t even blame him, because she had brought this upon herself.

 

           That night, and every night afterwards, there were eight soldiers guarding Kara’s tent at all time, as well as herself whenever she left it, and a part of her felt suffocated by the constant presence of her guards. No one wanted to risk an assassination attempt off a vengeful Zod, even if Kara secretly wouldn’t blame him for trying.

 

           The worst part of it all was that she couldn’t even steal moments with Lena anymore. She couldn’t crawl out under the back of the tent while Winn pretended he was oblivious, and she couldn’t steal gentle touches when they brushed past each other, and she began to wonder if the war would ever end. It had gone on for months already, with no signs of an end, and now her own people were turning on her, and more and more died every day. It was almost unbearable, but Kara couldn’t turn back now, or it would all be for nothing.

 

           She would win this war or she would die in it – those were the only options available to her.


	29. Chapter 29

            They took to the battlefield the next morning, everyone grumbling at the spring showers that soaked the mud beneath their feet and pinged off their armour, creating a chorus of clinking sounds that chimed in with the sounds of chainmail tinkling and swords being drawn. Sat atop her horse, Kara looked out at the advancing army, waiting for them to press the attack first. She never started the assault – the earlier they fought, the more lives would be lost. Instead, they would make for the battlefield at first light, and they would spend hours there sometimes, stood still as they waited until the enemy struck, and only then would Kara urge her soldiers forward to meet the enemy halfway.

 

            That morning though, she watched as a white flag was hoisted up and a few riders came forward. Spurring Comet onwards, Kara made her way forward, trusting those who needed to come to make their way forward too. The space between the army wasn’t too big, so it didn’t take long for them to cover the distance and meet Rhea and her warriors in the middle. Reining in her horse, Kara pulled her helmet off so that she would be able to hear, letting the rain weigh down her golden curls as she tucked the helmet under one arm. Her sword remained firmly in her sheath, put her hand rested on her pommel.

 

            “I believe this is yours,” Rhea shouted across the gap, breaking the silence as she gestured to a soldier. He dragged forward Roulette, gagged and bound at the wrists as she kicked and fought against the soldier’s tight grip. “Oh yes, I’ve known about your little spy for a few weeks now. It would’ve been easy to kill her, but it was even easier to feed her lies. Small ones at first, so that you wouldn’t be suspicious, and some truths too just in case. I had a surprise guest a few nights ago though … perhaps you know him.”

 

            Kara clenched her jaw as she looked at Zod, wearing Daxamite armour and giving Kara a cold look. “Zod, I am sorry for your loss, but do not do this.”

 

            “I already have,” he said, giving her a slow smile. “I should be careful if I were you, I’m not the only one you need to protect your back from.”

 

            She didn’t rise to the bait, she just looked back at Rhea. “Let my spy go. She doesn’t need to die for following orders.”

 

            Rhea gave her a sharp laugh, her horse shifting beneath her as she took a small step forward, coming right up to Kara, who tensed in her saddle. “No, she didn’t.”

 

            Unsheathing her sword, Rhea nodded for the soldier to bring Roulette to her. She didn’t get the chance to swing her sword, because as she moved to strike her down, Kara launched herself out of her saddle, tackling Rhea off her own horse and crashing to the ground. Kara punched her squarely in the face with her mailed fist, gaining some satisfaction from it. A fight broke out around them as Kara’s party moved to intercept Rhea’s as they trained their weapons on Kara, and in the mud, she carried on fighting Rhea. Her shield was still strapped to her arm, and Rhea grabbed it and twisted, the bones in her arm protesting at the movement, and Kara let out a shout of pain, rolling with the movement so that Rhea didn’t break her arm.

 

            And then Rhea was on top of her, and Kara managed to cover herself with her shield while she tried to buck Rhea off her with her legs and hips, wriggling in the mud as she tried to put some space between them. Getting one foot between them, Kara kicked her backwards and Rhea went flying, a snarl contorting her face as she scrambled around for her sword. Staggering halfway to her feet, Kara was still in the middle of trying to draw her sword when Rhea swung at her.

 

            The sword bit into metal, getting stuck in the breastplate, just shy of piercing the chainmail but with enough force to break the collarbone, and Kara's shout got lost on her lips. Lena let out a roar of pain at the blow, but she twisted to the side, and Rhea lost her grip on the sword. Yanking Lena back, Kara’s face was white with terror and anger, and she quickly stepped forwards, but not before Lillian got there first, smacking Rhea across the face with the fist that clutched her sword. There was a spurt of blood from Rhea’s nose as it broke from the force of the punch, and she stumbled backwards. Kara leapt forward and sliced through the hand of a woman who rushed to her Queen’s aid, and then plunged her sword into the woman’s stomach, watching as she collapsed to her knees.

 

            “Touch my daughter again and I will fucking tear you to pieces,” Lillian hissed, grasping Rhea by her chin and squeezing slightly.

 

            “ _Your_ daughter?” Rhea asked, laughing as blood trickled down her chin. Her teeth were stained red and she spat a mouthful of blood in Lillian’s face, wrenching herself free of her grip. Kara hesitated, watching as Rhea stumbled backwards, weaponless and defenceless, but she turned around, grabbing Lena by the arm and hauling her over to the nearest horse. Kara had enough time to skim her eyes over Lena’s face and breastplate, checking how bad the injury was, before she grabbed the horse by the rein and held it still. Ignoring Lena’s protests, Kara boosted her up onto the horse and gave it a smack on its rump, setting it back off towards camp as the rest of the army surged forward.

 

            Turning back to the fighting, Kara found her dropped helmet and quickly slipped it on, before dashing forward and slicing through someone’s stomach with the sharpened edge of her shield. Fighting her way through the advancing forces, Kara found herself back to back with Alex, and the two of them fell into the familiar routine of protecting each others backs. Alex crossed her swords and slit a man’s throat, kicking him in the chest as he choked on his blood, and Kara dropped to her knees, slicing out with her sword and shield to cut the legs out from under two women. As Kara climbed to her feet, a man charged towards her, letting loose a war cry, and as Kara lifted her shield to fend off a blow, an arrow whizzed past her and struck him in the eye. Maggie. She galloped over to Kara, fluidly dismounting and falling to her knees as she pulled two arrows from her quiver and let them fly. Kara strapped the shield to her back and climbed into the saddle, reaching down to pull Alex up behind her, and then she leapt forward, cutting in front of Maggie so that the horse hid her from sight. A Daxamite rode past and Kara leapt onto his horse, taking him by surprise, and shoving him out of his saddle. Taking over the reins, she charged towards the enemy, just as her army collided with them.

 

            Reign was at the front, amidst her tribe of horsemen, and Kara was surprised to see her reach down and help Roulette up behind her. The horsemen were skilled fighters on an open field, and Kara joined them as they swept through the enemy, pushing them back. It raged on around them, and Kara was soon drenched in blood, mud and rain, grimly cutting down anyone in her path. As she turned around, she watched as one of the soldiers nearest to her was stabbed in the stomach, watching them fall off their horse, the helmet falling off the head to reveal Jack’s face, his dark hair plastered to his forehead and his face twisted in pain. Kara watched as the woman slithered off her horse and raised her sword above her head, about to deliver the killing blow. Jumping off her horse, Kara ran at the woman and tackled her to the ground, before cutting her throat open and scrambling to her feet. She quickly went to Jack, who looked up at her in shock, holding out a hand to help pull him to his feet.

 

            “Get back to camp!” Kara roared at him, whirling around and plunging her sword into a man’s thigh, severing the artery and parting the muscle. She didn’t wait to see if her order was obeyed, she just kept on carving a path through the fighting, until she came upon Rhea again. She hadn’t managed to find a new horse, and she was in the middle of a small clearing, squaring off against Lillian again. Or rather, Lillian was fighting off any Daxamites brave enough to take her on, all the while trying to fight Rhea. The Queen was swaying slightly on her feet, and Kara knew that she must’ve been in pain from all the punches she’d sustained earlier on. Pushing her way through the warriors, she helped push back the soldiers attacking Lillian, and soon found herself face to face with Rhea.

 

            Crossing swords, they both tried to force the other one back, but they were both tired and neither of them could press their advantage. No one else dared to intervene either, so they carried on for almost half an hour, before they were both panting and could barely lift their swords. A silent agreement passed between them and they both took a step backwards. “Enough for today,” Rhea said, and Kara nodded.

 

            As one, both armies started to retreat, calling it a draw for the day, and Kara quickly looked around for the nearest horse. Lena was her first thought. Seeing a man on horseback, Kara quickly ran over and ordered him to turn over his horse, and scrambling up into the saddle, she galloped past the soldiers dragging themselves back to camp, shouting for people to move as she cut a path through everyone. Hooves thundered over the planks over the trench, and Kara quickly dismounted, throwing the reins to the nearest soldier. “Have you seen Lady Spheer?”

 

            “She is with her husband, Your Majesty,” the man replied, bowing his head slightly. “In the healer’s tents.”

 

            Quickly thanking him, she set off at a run, frantically searching the tents filled with the sick and wounded, looking for the familiar ivory skin and dark hair, those green eyes filled with secrets and love for her. It took her almost fifteen minutes to find the right tent, and Kara let out a sigh of relief when she spotted her in a crowded tent. She was sat next to Jack, who was laid out on a cot, his armour in the process of being removed by a healer, and she looked fine, except for the arm that she had in a sling. The sword had been pulled out of her armour, leaving behind a deep gash in the metal. Weaving through the room, Kara took her helmet off and ran her eyes over Lena’s face, double-checking that she was actually fine. Feeling as if she could breathe again, Kara turned to look down at Jack, watching as the healer cut his tunic open to reveal a small stab wound where the sword had pierced his abdomen. It didn’t look too deep, thanks to the chainmail, and he clenched his teeth as hot water was poured over it.

 

            “You saved my life,” Jack said to Kara, sounding amazed and confused as he gave her a bewildered look. The healer stepped away to go and fetch supplies, giving them a few moments to murmur in the noise of the packed tent full of screams and voices clamoring to be heard.

 

            “Lena, would you fetch me some water to drink, please,” Kara quietly asked her, wanting a few minutes alone with Jack. She winced slightly at Lena’s wince when she got to her feet, hating the fact that she was injured. Turning back to Jack, she tilted her head to the side. “Yes, I did.”

 

            “Why? You could’ve left me to die … y-you could’ve got everything you ever wanted,” Jack said, wincing in pain as he moved.

 

            Kara let out a quiet laugh, her brow creasing as she frowned slightly. “Do you really think I would’ve let you die just so I could steal your wife? If I had watched and done nothing, I would not have deserved her. I would not let a person die so that I could love her.”

 

            “You have let thousands,” Jack said, and Kara physically recoiled, feeling as if he had slapped her. “Forgive me, Your Majesty, I did not mean-“

 

            “The truth needs no forgiveness,” Kara murmured, “get some rest.”

 

            She climbed to her feet, giving him a small nod and turned around, coming face to face with Lena, taking the cup off her with her muttered thanks. “Your Majesty.” At Jack’s loud call, Kara turned back around, giving him an expectant look as he bit back a curse at the healer, who had returned and was gently dabbing at the stab wound. “I would ask a small favour, if you would permit it. My wife … she is injured. I cannot escort her back to our tent, but you are her closest friend, and I would be indebted to you if you ensured that she returned to it safely and was looked after.”

 

            Kara gave him a small smile, nodding her head before she turned back to Lena. He had asked loudly and in public, ensuring that everyone within earshot would have heard his request, and so no questions would be raised at Kara walking through the camp and spending longer than wise to, given the nature of their feelings. It was not a favour for Jack, but a favour for Kara, to give her a few minutes with Lena to see for herself that she was fine, to be able to touch her for just a moment. Kara felt conflicted about it; he shouldn’t have been so gallant about the whole thing, and Kara wondered when the other shoe was going to drop. They couldn’t keep this up forever. Since he’d told Kara that he knew, her and Lena had been even more careful than before, and they’d barely spent a moment alone together. It killed them both to do it, but it was necessary.

 

            Leaving the tent, they fell into step beside each other and Kara couldn’t stop herself from sneaking peeks at Lena as they walked, making sure that she was okay. She was walking fine, and she was still wearing her armour, which led Kara to believe that she’d been right when she’d thought that the sword hadn’t pierced the mail. The scrap of cloth tied in a sling made her frown though, for she would’ve definitely broken her collarbone, but a small part of her guiltily felt relieved, for Lena wouldn’t be able to fight for weeks now.

 

            They took their time walking back to Lena’s tent, both of them savouring every moment that they got to spend next to each other, occasionally letting their hands bump against each other while they tried to pretend like it was an accident. Eventually the tent came into view though, and Lena waved Kara in ahead of her. She crossed her arms over her chest as she watched Lena come in and drop her shield to the ground, and Kara’s anger started to flare up, but she stayed silent.

 

            As Lena started to fumble with her sword belt with one hand, Kara let out a sigh and walked of to her, gently brushing her hand aside and unbuckling it for her. Next, she worked at the pauldrons and gorget, her frown deepening as she took in the deep line gouged into the metal of one of the pauldrons. Tossing the armour onto the bed, Kara carried on undoing the straps on the vambraces and the breastplate. She had to undo the sling to get the breastplate off, and she was as careful as possible, wincing whenever Lena did, and then it was time for the chainmail, which was even worse. By the time Kara was undoing the greaves on her shins, the tension between the two of them was almost palpable. Reaching for the dagger in her belt, Kara decided to cut away the clothes that Lena wore, rather than trying to gently peel them off and risk further hurting Lena.

 

            She got the tunic of fine, but as she cut the shirt along the shoulder seam, she inhaled sharply, taking in the deep purple bruise covering Lena’s shoulder. Ripping the shirt lower, Kara ground her teeth together as she looked at the massive bruise covering Lena’s shoulder. It was almost black in the middle, and she knew that her collarbone would definitely be broken.

 

            “You’re angry,” Lena sighed, tilting her head to the side as she observed the deep frown that furrowed Kara’s brow. She blinked in surprise as Kara quickly looked up at her, her eyes burning with anger and her face unusually sharp; gone was the usual softness and smiles that she reserved for Lena.

 

            “ _Angry?”_ Kara incredulously laughed, the sound devoid of any humour, “I’m _furious._ Don’t you _ever_ try anything like that again.” She quickly sheathed her dagger and turned around, opening the chest with Lena’s clothes in and fetching her a clean shirt.

 

            Lena stubbornly raised her chin, a slight frown gracing her face. “You could’ve died.”

 

            “Then you let me-“

 

            “Ah, see, there it is,” Lena snorted, “you jumped into a ring of soldiers to ‘save’ me and then said that you wouldn’t be able to stand and watch me die, yet you expect me to do it. You’re the _Queen_ , Kara, that will always come first. I will _always_ throw myself in front of anything that will harm you, and I will always do what I can to protect you. Not only because I love you, but because you’re my Queen.”

 

            Kara ran a hand through her hair in frustration, feeling the wetness of it from the rain and sweat. “I don’t _want_ you to protect me, I want you to say safe. For a second I wasn’t sure … you could’ve been killed.”

 

            “She won’t hurt me,” Lena murmured, and Kara let out a frustrated groan.

 

            “But she did! Because she thought that she was going to strike me, not you,” Kara told her, taking a step forward and reaching out with shaking fingers to gentle press against the purple outskirts bruise visible through the rip in the shirt. Lena let out a hiss of pain, her hand coming up to uselessly flutter around the wound. Kara raised her eyebrows, looking slightly satisfied as she proved her point. “It doesn’t matter now anyway; you won’t be fighting anymore.”

 

            “It will be healed within a few weeks,” Lena said, grimacing slightly at the prospect of being sat inside the camp with nothing to do but help run messages or prepare food.

 

            Kara let out a small laugh, tossing Lena her clean shirt and turning around so that she could change. “It will, but you will not take to the field again even then. You are done in this war, Lena.”

 

            She was roughly yanked around, and Lena was scowling at her. “You need me. I’m a good fighter, don’t be ridiculous.”

 

            “ _Ridiculous?_ I should think not,” Kara spluttered. “I am doing what I must to keep you safe. I almost came with you today, when you left, to make sure that you were safe. All I could think about the entire fight was if you were okay, if you were seriously hurt, if you had made it safely back to camp. You are all I can think about, and it is distracting me.”

 

            “Is that all I am to you? A distraction?” Lena asked, a small smile on her lips even though the rest of her face showed her hurt and anger.

 

            “Right now? Yes, you are,” Kara snapped.

 

            Lena flinched slightly, turning around as she walked over to the bed and sat down. Kara busied herself by looking at the floor as Lena tore her shirt off and shrugged her new one on. As she reached for the sling, Kara looked back up, but Lena wasn’t looking at her. “Well don’t let me distract you, Your Majesty. I’m sure you have more important things to be doing,” Lena said, her voice trembling slightly.

 

            Letting out an exasperated sigh, Kara felt all the fight fade away as she took a step towards Lena. “Please, I don’t want to fight with you.”

 

 

            “Well then stop being so hypocritical, Kara,” Lena snapped, “you may have started this war, but you are not the only one who has something to lose in it.”

 

            Kara’s mouth fell open at Lena’s tone, and a wounded look crossed her face. “I am doing this for _us_ ,” Kara softly said, “and I need to keep you safe so that one day there _can_ be an _us_.”

 

            “Well I am tired of someday’s,” Lena huffed, standing up and going to the wash basin. She scrubbed away the war paint on her face, turning the water red, and let out a frustrated sigh.

 

            “And you think that I am not?” Kara asked, pressing her lips together in a grim line. “I am trying my hardest, Lena. There is only so much that I can do, and I am trying but you need to be patient a little while longer.”

 

            “I am tired of being patient!” Lena shouted. “I hate this! I hate waiting, I hate being trapped. I just want _you_.” She stormed towards Kara, reaching out to cup her face, and Kara stepped backwards, trying to put as much distance between them as she could. Still, Lena reached forward with her good hand, and Kara grabbed her wrist in one hand and her waist in the other, gently but firmly pushing her backwards. Lena pushed back against her for a moment, but Kara stubbornly refused to let her come any closer.

 

            It pained her to keep Lena at arms length, but she knew that they couldn’t keep playing this secret game. It was tiring for them both, and Kara knew that it was all or nothing, and at the moment they couldn’t risk it all, so it had to be nothing. “No, Lena,” Kara softly told her. “We cannot.”

 

            She let out another frustrated sigh, and stepped back from Kara, who let her go. Walking back over to the wash basin, Lena fished the cloth out of the water and resumed cleaning her face, her back to Kara as she ignored her. Letting out a weary sigh, Kara waited for her to turn around, to let go of her frustration, but she didn’t. “You should go,” Lena told her, her voice uneven as she spoke, almost as if she was trying not to cry. “You’re right – we cannot be together.”

 

            “Lena-“

 

            “Don’t worry, I only mean for the time being ... and possibly future it we don't win,” Lena bitterly laughed, rubbing away a fleck of mud on her chin. Kara slowly walked up behind her and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, feeling the tense muscles beneath Lena’s shirt as she hunched her shoulders. “Go. I should rest ... my collarbone.”

 

            Even though she couldn’t see, Kara nodded as she swallowed the lump in her throat. “I shall have food and medicine brought to you,” she told Lena, her voice cracking slightly. She didn’t get a reply, so Kara quickly ducked her head and placed a kiss on Lena’s good shoulder before walking over to the tent flaps and parting them. Kara blinked in surprise as she barely avoided walking into Lillian, who was walking towards the tent.

 

            “Oh, Your Majesty,” Lillian said, bowing her head as she took in Kara’s appearance.

 

            “I was just escorting Lena back to her tent,” Kara explained, giving Lillian a small smile. “She is not badly injured, but she wishes to rest.”

 

            “Then I should be quick,” Lillian said. Kara nodded to her, stepping around her and making her way through the crowds of soldiers walking around. She stopped to command a soldier to take food and medicine to Lena, as promised, and then made her way towards her own tent, yearning for some dry clothes and a hot meal.

 

            She quickly stripped off her armour and washed her face and neck, before putting on dry clothes and turning her attention to her armour. After months of war, it was scratched and dented, but Kara still patiently started to wipe away the blood and mud, readying it for tomorrow. As Streaky’s ears pricked, Kara turned her attention to the door, watching as Alex poked her head inside.

 

            “I brought you something to eat,” she said, and Kara nodded in thanks, scratching at some blood that was caught in the engraved sigil on the gorget. Alex walked inside and set the bowl and a cup on the table, before sitting down and watching Kara. “How is she?”

 

            “She’s fine. A broken collarbone, but nothing serious,” Kara murmured. Sighing, she set her armour aside and climbed to her feet, taking a seat opposite Alex and pulling her food towards her. Picking up the bread, Kara took a bite and slowly chewed. “She’s angry with me.”

 

            Alex arched an eyebrow at Kara, waiting for her to elaborate. “She is sick of waiting for us to make our love public, and I told her she would not be allowed to fight anymore … and I said she was a distraction.”

 

 _“Kara!”_ Alex admonished her. “Of course she will be mad if you say that she is nothing more than a _distraction!_ ”

 

            “But I didn’t mean it like that!” Kara protested. “I meant that when we’re fighting, I can’t help but always think about if she’s still safe, or if she’s been hurt and I don’t know it, and it distracts me from my own fighting. That’s why I said that she wasn’t allowed to fight anymore. She could’ve been killed by her own m- stupidity.”

 

            Kara stumbled over her words at the end, almost forgetting that no one knew of Lena’s relation to Rhea, except Lillian. Alex let out a snort of laughter at Kara’s words. “You cannot protect everyone, sister. We are all free to make our own decisions, and she has decided to fight, and so you must let her. You might not like it, as I do not like you or Maggie fighting, but that’s the way it is.”

 

            “And what if something happens to her, Alex? What would have been the point in it all?”

 

            “The point will have been that you risked everything to love her, and I’m sure she would rather die knowing that than live a safe life seeing you sent away to be married, and never knowing that her feelings were returned,” Alex told her, climbing to her feet and leaning forward to kiss the top of Kara’s head, before slowly making for the door. “Now, eat your food, sister, and then make your peace with your beloved. You waste far too much time on the could be’s when all we have is right now.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is somewhat the start of the angst?

           The next few weeks passed by quickly, and spring had truly come, bringing with it fields of flowers and barley, and green – so much green everywhere, that it was almost possible to ignore the muddy battlefield that stretched on for miles, empty of any life or beauty. The weather grew warmer, and the rain gave way to sunshine, and the cold wind turned gentle, bringing the faint smell of the distant sea with it.

 

           Not much had changed in the war. They still fought almost every day, adding more souls to Rao’s halls, and the armies slowly moved their camps north and south, neither of them yielding so much as a foot to the other without blocking them at every turn. It was almost as if Rhea knew every plan that Kara made, and she always managed to block Rhea in return, and every time it happened, Zod’s words about how Kara should guard her back came floating back to her. She didn’t want to believe that there were more spies within her camp – not yet.

 

           They were currently camped on the rolling hills, a few thousand of them ranging further north to fend off the Daxamite raiding parties that were sent out from the army to attack the towns and burn crops. Kara always insisted on going on those excursions, giving her the chance to see her people, and more importantly, for the people to see their Queen fighting for them. There wasn’t much comfort she could offer them during war, but she did what little she could.

 

           They had just finished fighting back the enemy on the outskirts of an abandoned village, and were making their way back to their hastily made camp when a rider galloped towards them. She reined in her horse before Kara, bowing her head before she launched into her message. “Your Majesty, General In-Ze has bid me ride and tell you that news has reached her off Lord El.”

 

           “What news?” Kara quickly asked, a feeling of dread filling her as she waited with bated breath.

 

           “They launched an assault against our navy, and Lord El was victorious, but it was only a ruse. Dozens of their ships managed to bypass our fleet, and they sail northwards. Scouts have reported that they have landed on the beaches west of Ma’aleca’andra – thousands of them - and General In-Ze believes that they will try to take the stone city while our forces are gathered outside Argo City.”

 

           “Shit,” Kara cursed, her knuckles tightening around her reins. “Return to camp and tell my aunt to send as many of the cavalry as she can spare, and have them meet us outside Ma’aleca’andra. Have foot soldiers begin marching too, but send the cavalry ahead. If she needs more men, have her tell my cousin to ground some ships south of Argo City and have them join her forces.”

 

           “Yes, Your Majesty,” the woman said, bowing her head once more, before turning and galloping back south. Kara was frozen for a moment, but then she urged her horse back towards their camp, and quickly ordered everyone to disassemble their tents and pack up; they were going north.

 

           As Kara dismounted outside her tent, she spotted Lena sat near the fire, tearing rags into strips to be used to bind wounds once everyone returned from the battle. Her collarbone was still healing, and while she couldn’t fight, she had begged Kara to be allowed to come with her, and for her own selfish reasons, Kara had agreed. She may not have been at liberty to spend time alone with Lena, but every time she caught a glimpse of her across the fire, or walked next to her and gently brushed their hands, Kara felt at ease. Lena climbed to her feet as Kara walked towards her, her eyes roaming over her face and then darting to Lillian briefly, before she looked back at Kara.

 

           “Pack your things, we’re going north,” Kara quickly told her, striding past her, and into her tent while Lena followed after her.

 

           “What happened?”

 

           “Daxamites have landed on the beaches west of Ma’aleca’andra,” Kara said, “we must cut them off.”

 

           Lena frowned, “we don’t have enough forces.”

 

           “I have sent word to Astra to send some of the cavalry as reinforcements. They’ll be days behind us, but we should be able to hold them off until they get there,” Kara explained, quickly rolling up the fur blankets and the bedroll she’d been sleeping on.

 

           A hand on her shoulder stopped her, and Kara looked up at Lena with raised eyebrows. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Kara.”

 

           Kara’s raised eyebrows turned into a frown, and she pursed her lips slightly. “We can’t just sit here and do nothing, Lena.”

 

           “I’m not saying we should do nothing, but … I have a bad feeling about this,” Lena said, “I don’t think we should go.”

 

           Giving Lena a small smile, Kara climbed to her feet and cupped her face in her hands, just for a moment. “We’ll be fine.”

 

           “No,” Lena said, her mouth a grim line, “this doesn’t seem right to me, Kara. We’re going to split our forces and make ourselves vulnerable, it’s what she _wants_.”

 

           “Even if it’s what she wants, she won’t get her own way,” Kara told her, sounding slightly arrogant as she carried on packing away her things. The muscles in Lena’s jaw worked, but she bit her tongue and nodded, leaving to go and pack her own things.

 

\---

 

           They rode for days, watching as the lower roots of the mountains grew bigger, and Kara was anxious to reach the city. There had been no signs of the invading army yet, and she was hoping that they would reach Ma’aleca’andra first so that they could be within the walls when the city was attacked. It would do little to keep them away from the walls, but at least the city would have thousands of soldiers to man the walls, and hope to break the siege, if it came to it.

 

           Yet as they rode, something didn’t sit right with Kara. She kept thinking about if she was making the right decision, bringing only a slim portion of her army ahead of the rest, and she couldn’t help but think that maybe Lena had been right. If it was a trap they were walking into, she would be giving Rhea exactly what she wanted because of her own stupidity. It was too late now though, and if it was a trap, then she had doomed them all. She had no doubt in her mind that Rhea was smart enough to make Kara walk into a trap, but Kara had too much honour to let innocent people die and her cities fall, all to keep herself out of yet another fight.

 

           Holding up a hand, Kara brought her army to a halt as she looked forwards, her eyes scanning the foothills and the fields spread out before them. “We’ll rest for a moment,” Kara said, looking at Alex, who nodded and shouted the order backwards, letting it ripple through the army.

 

           “I shall scout the area, Your Majesty,” Maggie told her, bowing her head and gesturing for a few of her rangers to join her.

 

           Dismounting and pulling some slightly stale bread out of her pack, Kara sat down on the long grass, her armour creaking and clanking as she stretched her legs out before her. Lena, Alex, Lillian and her Queensguard joined her, and Kara cast the older woman a wary look. Kara had long since suspected someone in her council and advisors as the other spy, as Zod had been, and while her Queensguard were welcome at those meetings to discuss strategy and plans, they never left Kara’s side, so she doubted it was one of her friends. A small part of her suspected that it might be Jack though, for no man was that gallant when another woman vied for his wife’s heart, or indeed had already got it. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that it wasn’t Alex, which left Lillian. It could’ve been Astra, but Kara knew deep down that her aunt would never betray her to the Daxamites, not when she had been banished from court by her own sister for opposing the marriage in the first place.

 

           So it left Lillian, but it didn’t make any sense. What possible reason could she have for betraying Kara? As Kara watched the woman carefully, she ran over every possibility. Kara had killed her son; that was the only reason she could think of for her to betray Kara. There was no other reason. Rhea had slept with her husband, had given Lillian a daughter that she’d never asked for, and had manipulated Lex into joining her. The thought of Lillian being stupid enough to ally herself with her enemy didn’t sit right with Kara.

 

           “We should take the mountain path through the foothills, and come at Ma’aleca’andra from the east,” Kara said, watching everyone’s reactions closely.

 

           Reign had walked over to the group as Kara spoke, and she sat down with a slight frown on her face. “My horsemen are not well suits for fighting in the foothills, Your Majesty.”

 

           “I am hoping we can skirt the fighting by going that way,” Kara said, giving her a small smile. “They will expect us to ride in a straight line across the hills, but we won’t lose much time by using the foothills.”

 

           “I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Lena slowly said, and Kara raised her eyebrows at her. “I only mean … it is a good place for an ambush. Might they not anticipate you going that way to avoid a battle before we reach the city?”

 

           Tilting her head to the side, Kara considered her words for a moment. “I think that it’s possible, but they would have to ride hard to cut us off, and only because they knew that’s where we’d be. We spoke of the possibility a few days ago, and I told you that perhaps the mountain path would be the best option.”

 

           “You spoke of this?” Lillian quickly asked, her tone a bit sharp. Kara arched an eyebrow slightly. “With whom?”

 

           “I was riding beside my sister and your daughter,” Kara said, “we discussed the best way to approach the city.” Lillian pressed her lips together in a thin line, but she didn’t say anything, she just nodded her head and sipped from her water skin.

 

           They didn’t linger too long to rest, and soon enough they were back in the saddle, angling slightly to the east and making for the gap between two of the reaching roots of the lower stone foothills. It would take them another day at least to reach the city, but riding along narrow, winding paths through the foothills would help keep them away from prying eyes and the open fields, where they could be ambushed at any time.

 

\---

 

           That night, they stopped before they entered the foothills, camping along the banks of a river and a small forest, and ask night fell over the banks of the river, Kara watched the current rush southwards, the water reflecting the last rays of light. She dipped her feet in the water, watching wild ducks swim among the reeds on the opposite bank and feeling the cool breeze stir her hair as she stroked her wolfhound.

 

           Footsteps beside her made Kara look up, smiling as Lena sat down beside her, dipping her water skin into the river as she pretended that was her purpose for coming to the river. Kara sighed, turning her gaze upwards and watching as the first stars appeared, and the pale shadow of the full moon hung against the slowly darkening sky.

 

           “Do you feel homesick?” Kara suddenly asked, turning to look at Lena, who hesitated.

 

           “No.”

 

           “Why not?”

 

           Lena gave her a small smile, pushing the cork back into the neck of the skin and settling down beside Kara. “Home is more complex than a place,” she murmured, “I have never felt at home at either of my homes, but I have felt at home in Kandor, but that was because of you. Now, we are near Ma’alea’andra, and I still feel at home, so no, I do not feel homesick. Not while I am with you.”

 

           Kara let her hand creep across the grassy gap between them and _just_ brush against Lena’s hand. “I think I am homesick for something that I’ve never had,” Kara sighed, “the walls of the castle felt stifling while I was there, and now the fields and forests and mountains make me yearn for them. I know that if I were there though, I would feel suffocated once more.”

 

           “You are homesick for freedom,” Lena said, and Kara let out a quiet laugh.

 

           “I think perhaps you’re right.”

 

           “Y-you should get some rest, Kara,” Lena whispered, climbing to her feet. Kara frowned as she gazed up at her, wondering why Lena was leaving so soon. They could spare a few more moments together, yet Lena seemed almost as if she was trying to push Kara away, and a part of Kara wondered if Lena was hurt that Kara hadn’t replied to her confession that Kara was her home. Scrambling to her feet, Kara followed after her, whispering Lena’s name as loudly as she dared.

 

           “Have I caused offense?”

 

           Lena gave her a lopsided smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “No. You could never. I am tired though, and I think I should rest.”

 

           “I’ll say goodnight then,” Kara said, and Lena nodded before walking off.

 

           With a sigh, Kara decided her time would probably be best spent resting too, so she followed after Lena, and slid into her own tent, wrapping herself up in the furs and feeling the familiar weight of Streaky as she curled up beside Kara’s legs and rested her head on Kara. The sounds of the camp slowly faded as Kara lay there in her tent, and soon night blanketed the camp.

 

\---

 

           Kara lay there for hours, feeling restless. She couldn’t sleep, not with the sky feeling like it was pressing down on her and the warmth of the spring wind making her feel like she was trapped inside her small tent. Trying to take deep breaths, Kara crawled from her tent, cherishing the open space around her as she emerged from the it.

 

           A flicker of movement caught Kara’s eye, and she strained her eyes to see in the dark. It might’ve just been the leaves on the trees, or a sentry guard, but then she saw the movement again. A cloaked figure was picking their way across the camp, making for the trees, and Kara frowned as she watched. She knew how to move quietly though, so she ordered Streaky to stay where she was, and after unsheathing her dagger, Kara slowly and quietly followed after the figure. As quiet as they tried to be, they made noise in the forest, cracking twigs beneath their feet and rustling leaves, which allowed Kara to hang back but still follow after them. They walked for ages, through the trees and over rocks, until she couldn’t hear the person anymore.

 

           She quickened her pace when she heard voices, and hid behind a log that was hidden in shadow, staring out at the Godswood nestled in the middle of the forest. No one would see her unless they knew she was there, and were looking for her. Peering over the top of the log, Kara watched as a woman stepped into the clearing – the one who had spoken – and with a shock, Kara realized that it was Rhea.

 

           “You have done well to bring her here.”

 

           “I’ve done nothing,” came the reply, and Kara’s heart stopped for a moment, before picking up speed. If she wasn’t already sat down, she would’ve collapsed at the sound of the voice, for she would know it anywhere.

 

           It was Lena.

 

           Kara’s mind was reeling at the revelation. The spy wasn’t Lillian, it was Lena. Kara felt foolish for not seeing it sooner: she was Rhea's blood; she had second-guessed Kara on every decision, sometimes saving them from the Daxamite army; she wasn't a part of the council or advisors, but Kara shared everything with her, even things she didn't share with them; her moods had been strange lately, and Kara hadn't been able to understand why. She had been spying for _months._ Forcing herself to focus, Kara blinked back tears and listened to what they were saying. Rhea was pacing back and forth before Lena, who was as still as a statue, the dark hood hiding her face from view.

 

           “Still, she is here. Tomorrow night, you shall be outside the city. Get her alone at an outcropping just to the east of it – you will know it by the monolith in the middle of it.”

 

           “I’ll not give her to you,” Lena stubbornly said, and even in the dark, Kara could see the way she lifted her chin. The sound of the stinging slap caught Kara off guard, and she had to stop herself from leaping of the log and gutting Rhea.

 

           “You will do as I say, or I will kill her when I get my hands on her,” Rhea hissed, grabbing Lena’s face in her hands and yanking her forwards, making her stumble slightly. “And if you bring guards, or try and ambush us, I will make you watch as every single person she cares about is torn apart, slowly, and she will hate you all the more for it.”

 

           Lena wrenched her face out of Rhea’s grasp, shoving her back slightly, and Kara watched as the guards slightly drew their swords, but were waved down by Rhea. “Daughter-“

 

           “I am _not_ your daughter,” Lena spat.

 

           “ _Daughter_ , I have promised that you may come with us, and if you don’t do this, you’ll never have her. She never has to know the truth; she will think you both captured unsuspectingly. She will wed your brother, but he will have no use for her beyond heirs, so you can be with her. You’ll be a princess; you’ll be _worthy_ of her.”

 

           Kara choked back a sob at Rhea’s words, for she knew that it was everything that they wanted. The deal sounded so sweet – and if Lena didn’t turn her over, Kara had no doubt that Rhea would carry out every single threat she’d made, so why not take the deal? “You won’t hurt her?”

 

           “I want her alive,” Rhea said, and Kara caught the glimpse of white teeth smiling.

 

           “You will leave everyone alone if I do this? All of her family? Her friends? You will leave her people and her country alone?” Lena asked, her voice shaking slightly. Kara’s eyes spilled over with tears, because Lena was doing this all for her – for them – she trusted that Rhea would hold up her end of the bargain. She knew that Kara would trade anything for her loved ones and her kingdom to be safe, and Lena had made that deal for her. The betrayal stung, yet she couldn’t even be angry, she just felt sad. Sad that Lena had been so desperate for them to be together, that she had struck a deal with the enemy just so that the war could end and they could be allowed to be together in whatever capacity was available to them.

 

           Kara stayed crouched behind the log, listening to the other threats that Rhea made, and Lena’s stubborn refusal and then bitter submission whenever Kara or someone Kara loved was threatened. It was almost an hour later when Rhea bid her goodbye and Lena whirled around and stalked back the way she came. Giving her a few moments headstart, Kara followed after her, all the way back to the edge of their camp, where she stopped, listening to the sounds of Lena crying. Kara’s heart ached, and she almost went to her and took her in her arms, kissing away the tears and the pain, but she held herself back and stayed hidden behind a tree, tears making their way down her own face.

 

           She couldn’t let Lena know that she knew.


	31. Chapter 31

           She didn’t sleep all night.

 

           Kara had snuck back to her tent and bundled herself back up in her blankets, trying to steady her breathing as panic threatened to take hold. Try as she might, she couldn’t fall asleep, and her mind kept turning over the events of the night while she listened to the gurgling of the river and the quiet hooting of a nearby owl. Everyone else was asleep – probably even Lena by that point – and the camp was quiet as Kara tried to come up with a plan.

 

           A part of her questioned whether Lena really loved her, or if it had all been an elaborate plan to deceive her and hand her over to Rhea, the woman she had never met and had sworn meant nothing to her. Yet Kara knew that wasn’t true; Lena loved her, she knew that in her heart. Nothing between them had been fake. It had been so real that Lena had been desperate to be with Kara in any way possible, and somehow that made her feel even worse about it. _Everything I do, I do for you_ , Kara recalled Lena saying, and she knew this was one of the sacrifices she’d made for Kara. She’d commit treason to help.

 

           Dawn was a couple of hours away when Kara figured out what she had to do. She could’ve kept quiet, but she knew that she couldn’t carry on like everything was fine. If she’d fed Lena lies and let her report back to Rhea, she could tip the war in their favour, but the war would go on, and thousands more would die with no guarantee that they would win in the end. She wanted to end it, as soon as possible, and so, crouched down in her tent, Kara quietly started unbuckling her armour. The handkerchief tied around her wrist was kept on, the white of the fabric slightly stained from months of being worn hidden beneath Kara’s glove and chainmail, but still bearing so much meaning for her. She couldn’t take it off. She left it in a pile in her tent, whispered for Streaky to stay put, kissing the top of wolf’s head and ruffling her fur, and then grabbed the god sword and crawled out of her tent.

 

           Creeping over to Alex’s tent, which was close to hers, Kara knelt down and parted the flaps. “Sister.”

 

           Alex grumbled as she stirred next to Maggie, her guard down at the gentle sound of her sister’s voice. “Mm?”

 

           “Apologies for waking you,” Kara murmured, getting a half asleep grunt in reply, “I would have us break camp in the morning and return to Argo City.”

 

           “Mm.”

 

           “Could you take care of Streaky for me too? I won’t have time to do it.”

 

           “Mhm.”

 

           Kara gave her a sad smile, gently placing the sword down near the two girl’s weapons; Alex would find it in the morning. “Thank you, sister. I love you.”

 

           “Love you too,” Alex said, the sound muffled by her bedroll. Smiling again, Kara ducked back out of the tent and let the flaps fall back into place.

 

           Quietly walking to a different tent, Kara opened the flaps to that tent too. Taking a shuddering breath before she spoke. “Lena.” She watched as Lena sat up, her face hidden in the shadows of the dark tent, and she quickly glanced at the dark lump sleeping on the opposite side of the tent. Jack.

 

           “Kara? What time is it?” Lena whispered, sounding confused as she rubbed at tired eyes.

 

           “A little while before dawn,” Kara murmured. “I need you to come with me.”

 

           Lena quietly crawled out of the tent, already wearing her armour, which clinked loudly in the still quiet of the pre-dawn morning. Kara moved backwards, giving Lena room to crawl out of her tent as quietly as possible. A gentle hand gripped Lena’s arm as she started to reach for her sword, and Lena frowned at Kara, her brows low over her eyes as the pale moon bathed her skin in its weak light. “You won’t need it,” Kara softly told her, “you won’t be gone long.”

 

           Climbing to her feet, Lena followed Kara as she carefully darted through the camp, using the tents for shelter as they made their way to where the horses were all tied up along the edge of the forest and the start of the rolling hills. The mist was slowly creeping down from the mountains, giving them some cover as they silently picked their way across the camp. Careful not to let the sentries see them, Kara walked to the nearest horse and scrambled up onto it, the saddleless back feeling strange beneath her. Reaching down, Kara held out a hand to help pull Lena up behind her. She felt arms wind around her waist, holding her tightly, and Kara smiled at the feeling, shivering as Lena’s breath tickled her neck when she spoke. “Where are we going?”

 

           “It’s not far,” Kara told her, urging the horse quickly into the trees. She maneuvered them out to the rolling hills and then spurred the horse into a gallop. The wind was cool against their face’s, tangling their hair and making them shiver slightly as they sped along. Kara didn’t slow down until they were far enough west that she was sure that no one from the camp was following them.

 

           Eventually Kara brought them to a stop, near a copse of willow trees hugging the edge of the forest, and she quickly dismounted and tied the horse to the tree, before helping Lena down. Her hands were gentle on her waist, and Kara pushed her backwards, through the trailing branches of the willows, and pressed her up against the trunk. Leaning in, she placed a hard kiss to Lena’s lips, cherishing the feeling of them beneath hers, remembering their first kiss beneath the branches of a different willow tree when they were only children. Pulling back, Kara brushed Lena’s hair out of her face, smiling slightly at the wide eyed look Lena was giving her, her lips slightly parted and a hungry look in her eyes.

 

           “This way,” Kara murmured, lacing their fingers together and pulling Lena through the forest. They walked hand in hand, and Kara rubbed small circles on the back of Lena’s hand, savouring the feeling of being able to hold Lena’s hand as they walked, like she’d always dreamed of doing. Soon enough the trees started to look familiar to the path Kara had taken only hours ago, and Lena must’ve realized it soon, because she stopped and pulled slightly at Kara’s hand.

 

           “We should return to camp now,” Lena said in a low voice.

 

           “A little bit further,” Kara whispered.

 

           They walked a bit further forward, and then Lena pulled at her hand again, using a little more force this time, yet Kara still walked forward, giving Lena no choice but to stumble after her. “Kara-“

 

           “I know,” Kara said with a heavy sigh.

 

           “No, you don’t understand,” Lena said, her urgent voice sounding loud as it shattered the quiet sounds of animals foraging and leaves rustling. “We have to go back, _now_.”

 

           Kara just kept walking, a sad smile gracing her face as she gave Lena’s hand a quick squeeze. “I do understand, which is why I cannot.”

 

           “But-“

 

           They broke out into the clearing that Lena had met Rhea in earlier on, and there were no signs of her, but Kara knew that she would be nearby. Keeping a tight hold on Lena’s hand to steady herself, Kara took a deep breath. “Rhea!” she shouted, the sound echoing slightly around her, and the wind picked up, the leaves rustling almost as if the trees whispered the word to each other over and over again.

 

           “Kara,” Lena whispered, her voice breaking on the word as she realized that Kara knew. She knew and she’d come here with her anyway, and Lena started to cry. “Turn away, quickly. Before she comes.”

 

           Turning to face her, Kara gave her a tearful smile, reaching up to cup Lena’s face. “I make this decision, so you do not have to.”

 

           “Please,” Lena begged her, but Kara just tenderly stroked her cheek, turning at the sound of approaching footsteps.

 

           Rhea emerged from the trees with two guards in tow, looking mildly surprised, yet smug. She slowly walked forwards, leaving her guards to hand back as she approached Kara, a small smile playing on her lips. “Well, this is a pleasant surprise. I hadn’t expected you until tomorrow.”

 

           “Let us put an end to what we have created,” Kara told her, stubbornly raising her chin.

 

           “I’m not sure whether you’re as arrogantly foolish as the rest of your kind, or stupidly brave,” Rhea mused, tilting her head to the side. “I suppose it doesn’t matter now.”

 

           Kara nodded, taking a step forward so that they could be on their way. The two guards approached her, and she stared them both down as they reached out for her, quickly dropping their hands and taking up positions either side of her instead. Kara turned to look behind her, smiling slightly as she held a hand out for Lena, who took a step towards her. Rhea intercepted her, a hand clamping down on her shoulder. “I should think not.”

 

           “Wha- you said I could come with you,” Lena said, her voice filled with confused anger.

 

           “I did,” Rhea said, smiling coldly, “but I lied.”

 

           “No!” Lena shouted, trying to brush past Rhea, but finding her path blocked once more. She pushed Rhea back, her face a mask of anger, even as tears pricked her eyes.

 

           Rhea laughed, the sound sharp as it echoed around them, “you are a fool if you think that you could beat me, girl. Did you think I would not be suspicious at you handing over your lover so easily? You might’ve been playing the long game, but I am playing the longer one, and I have done so for far longer than you’ve been alive. Did you really think I would let you near my son? What was your plan? Kill him and free your lover? Kill _me?”_

 

           Lena let out a roar of anger, throwing herself at Rhea, who just laughed, moving to the side and watching as her daughter went sprawling on the ground, her armour clashing as she fell. Kara made to go to her, but a rough hand yanked her back by her arm. Her anger flaring up, Kara yanked the man’s dagger out of his belt and stabbed him in the stomach before he could even blink, and then she turned on the other soldier.

 

           “Stop!”

 

           The shout froze her, just as she was about to plunge the knife into the woman’s neck, and Kara looked over at Rhea. She had a fistful of Lena’s dark hair clutched in her hand, and a knife pressed to her throat as Lena writhed on her knees in her grip. “I do not wish to harm my own blood, but drop the blade or I will spill her blood beneath the sight of your gods.” Kara let the knife go immediately, and Rhea laughed, removing the knife from Lena’s neck and pushing her to the ground.

 

           “Give us a moment,” Kara said, her mouth feeling dry and her tongue thick in her mouth as she spoke. “Please.”

 

           With a sigh, Rhea stepped around Lena and walked forward, sneering at Kara as she passed her. “Even now, knowing that she betrayed you, you still love her?”

 

           “I will always love her,” Kara fiercely whispered.

 

           Turning away from Rhea, Kara quickly walked over to Lena, who was climbing to her feet, and Kara quickly wrapped her in a tight hug, before she pulled back. Brushing Lena’s hair out of her face, Kara cupped her cheeks and tilted her head upwards so that they were looking each other in the eye, both of them filled with tears.

 

           “Listen to me,” Kara said, her voice shaking with the effort it took not to cry, “do not tell anyone what you have done. Do you hear me, Lena? No one, not even Alex. It is treason and they will kill you for it. Promise me you will not tell anyone.”

 

           “I promise,” Lena sobbed, looking down as more tears fell.

 

           Kara let out a shuddering breath, feeling slightly relieved at the promise as she tilted Lena’s head back up, drinking in the sight of her. “Look at me, Lena. Don’t come after me either; m-make sure Alex doesn’t-. Tell my aunt she’s to be in charge until- … I would also have you return to Kandor. I would not have this be for nothing.”

 

           “I’m sorry, please don’t do this, please, I am _begging_ you,” Lena whispered, her voice cracking as she spoke. “I love you, please don’t go with her. I-I wasn’t going to-”

 

           “Shh, it’s okay, my love. I know,” Kara laughed, the sound coming out choked up as she gave Lena a wavering smile. “I have to though, for both of us. I won’t let her threaten you anymore. I’ll be okay, Lena.”

 

           Letting out another sob, Lena threw her arms around Kara’s neck, hugging her tightly as she buried her face in her shoulder, shaking as she was wracked with sobs. Holding her close, Kara squeezed her eyes shut, savouring the feeling of Lena in her arms. She tried to pull away, but Lena stubbornly clung to her, and Kara let out a broken sob. “Let me go. Lena, you must let me go.”

 

           “I cannot live without you,” Lena cried, and Kara gently pushed her back, wiping away the tears on Lena’s face with shaking fingers.

 

           “Then die,” Rhea flatly replied, appearing behind Kara, “for you will not see her again. Make your goodbye’s, quickly.”

 

           Kara crushed their lips together in a frantic kiss, putting all of her love and devotion into it as the kiss softened. She never wanted it to end. Pressing a few more chaste kisses to Lena’s lips, Kara let her go, giving her a small push in the direction they had come.

 

           “This is not the end for us,” Kara said, “wait for me in the poppy field.”

 

           The soldier that was still alive dragged her away then, before Lena could reply, and Kara watched as more soldiers appeared out of the trees, their swords pointed straight at Lena as she tried to run towards Kara. She screamed as her path was blocked, and Kara had to look away, swallowing the lump in her throat as the sounds of Lena’s sobbing and begging followed after her.

 

           It was too late though, Kara was already gone.

 

\---

 

           Lena didn’t know how she made it back to camp. She was numb and she hadn’t stopped crying the entire stumbling run through the dark forest, and the jolting ride back across the fields as she grasped at the horse’s mane to stop herself from falling off. She didn’t even wait for the horse to stop when she reached the camp, and she landed jarringly on the hard-packed ground, stumbling slightly from the force of the landing. With not a moment to spare, Lena ran through the camp, just as the first hints of the sun were starting to peek over the horizon, painting everything varying shades of greyish light.

 

           She dropped to her knees before Alex’s tent, tearing the flaps back and reaching out to drag the blankets off the two sleeping girls. A knife was pointed in her direction a moment later and Lena let out a choked up sob. “Alex, you have to come quickly. They have her,” Lena sobbed.

 

           Within seconds, Alex was scrambling out of the tent, reaching for her swords and then realizing she’d picked up a different sword – Kara’s sword. “Where is she?” Alex hoarsely asked, and Maggie crawled out beside her, slinging a quiver of arrows over her shoulder.

 

           “Sh-she took us to the forest … Rhea, sh-she took her, she handed herself o-over,” Lena stammered in between sobs. “Sh-she said n-not to go after her, but we h-have to get her back.”

 

           Immediately, Alex started shouted, rousing the other soldiers from sleep, before she turned back to Lena, giving her a suspicious look. “Why did you go free?” Alex asked, narrowing her eyes slightly. Lena was silent, swallowing a sob as she bit her tongue. She’d promised Kara she wouldn’t tell anyone, even though it was killing her inside, knowing that she’d done this. Alex unsheathed her sword, leveling at Lena as she repeated her question through clenched teeth.

 

           “R-Rhea let me go,” Lena said, her voice breaking as more tears fell.

 

           “Why?” Alex asked, “why were you out there?”

 

           “She woke me … she took us out t-to the forest, and then sh-she called out for her. She turned herself over – Rhea p-promised to end the war if she h-had her.”

 

           Swearing loudly, Alex lashed out with her sword, cutting one of the tent poles in half and collapsing it. She turned back around, the sword leveled at Lena once more. “Fuck! I should’ve known when she woke me earlier – I should’ve _known._ I should’ve been there to stop her. To stop them taking her. And you - you _let_ them take her? After everything she is to you? You let her _go?”_

 

           “I-I didn’t have a choice. She didn’t let me take my sword,” Lena cried in a small voice. “I tried to go with her, b-but I wasn’t allowed.”

 

           “And she didn’t kill you? The most bloodthirsty woman I’ve _ever_ crossed paths with, and she just _let_ you walk away unscathed? Tell me the truth, _now._ ”

 

           “She’s my mother!” Lena exclaimed, and Alex’s eyes widened in surprise, the tip of her sword dropping slightly. “Sh-she wouldn’t kill her own blood so she let me go, sh-she let me bring Kara’s m-message back to you.”

 

           And then Lillian was there, storming towards the girls with a look of anger on her face as she saw the sword pointed at Lena’s chest. “What’s the meaning of this?” she demanded, and Alex gave her a cold look, ignoring her. Dragging Lena backwards, Lillian reached out and grasped the sword in a gloved hand, twisting the blade until Alex was forced to let go. “Point a sword at my daughter again and you’ll find yourself facing the end of my own,” Lillian coolly threatened her.

 

           “ _Your_ daughter?” Alex questioned, and Lillian clenched her jaw. “That manipulative _bitch_ has my sister. Your _Queen_. If I find out _your_ daughter had anything to do with it, I’ll kill her myself.”

 

           “You doubt her loyalty to her Queen because of a woman she’s only ever met on the battlefield?” Lillian asked, raising her chin as she looked down at Alex, who hesitated slightly. Of course Lillian didn’t know Lena’s true feelings for Kara, but Alex did. Alex knew that Lena would die for – had already thrown herself in front of her sister once before – and so she knew that it wouldn’t make sense for Lena to betray her. She didn’t know the whole story though.

 

           Lena ground her teeth together in frustration and anger; she just wanted to get Kara back. Each minute they spent arguing amongst themselves took her further away from them. She could almost feel her slipping away and her heart ached with so much pain that it physically hurt her. Alex didn’t reply, she just turned around and started barking orders at the soldiers that were quickly rousing themselves from sleep. Tents were abandoned as everyone strapped on weapons and saddled their horses – the Daxamites would be making for their ships a few days ride west, and they couldn’t waste time dismantling the camp if they wanted to rescue Kara before they got her on board.

 

           Two hands roughly shaking her out of her numbness caused Lena to focus on her surroundings. Blinking slowly, Lena stared into her mother’s eyes, trying to focus on the words as she spoke. “If she’s right, and you had _anything_ to do with this, she won’t have to worry about killing you. I’ll do it for her,” Lillian quietly threatened her.

 

           Watching her mother walk away, Lena was let alone, her breathing hitching as she cried. She gently peeled back the cuff of her chainmail and tunic and touched the piece of leather tied around her wrist. “I’m so sorry,” Lena whispered, more tears sliding down her face as she uttered the words.

 

           She was sorrier than Kara could ever imagine, and she knew that she would never forgive herself. She would not rest until she had her back though. Lena would right her wrong, and they would go back to the poppy field. This wasn’t the end.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was almost hit by a CAR yesterday lmaooo, can you imagine if the last chapter you ever got was Lena betraying Kara and her handing herself over?
> 
> Things are going to be a little dark in this chapter with torture etc. It's not like super graphic, but just a warning in case you don't want to read it.

           Only a dozen soldiers had escorted Rhea down to the foothills, with the rest remaining just outside of Ma’aleca’andra, where they had been set to ambush Kara once Lena had turned her over to them. Instead, Kara had turned herself over, and so they’d strapped her to the back of a horse, unable to move due to the rope binding her wrists and ankles, and they’d rode straight for their army. They didn’t have time to stop, knowing that Kara’s order to make sure no one pursued her would be ignored, and they had to put as much distance between them as possible. They had perhaps an hour headstart, and Rhea had them push the horses as hard as possible, riding through the night.

 

           The only time Kara had been allowed off the horse was a day later, when they finally reached Ma’aleca’andra, and the rest of the soldiers abandoned the camp as they readied themselves to ride on. Kara was yanked down off the back of the horse by a large man, and Rhea gave her a smug smile as she ripped the gag out of Kara’s mouth and splashed water in her mouth, watching Kara choke and splutter. Glaring at her as she stoppered the water skin, Kara spat in Rhea’s face, and the woman dealt her a stinging blow to her face, splitting open Kara’s lip with the force of it. Staggering backwards, Kara sucked on her lip, spitting out a mouthful of blood, this time at the ground.

 

           Rhea smirked as she tilted her head to the side, watching Kara. “You know, you really are quite beautiful.”

 

           “I don’t give a shit what you think,” Kara snapped, “you lied. You’re nothing but a treacherous snake, and I hope the Gods spit on your grave when I kill you.”

 

           “Kill me? I should think not,” Rhea laughed, and then sighed and she gave Kara a look of pity. “I almost feel _sorry_ for you. She betrayed you and you _still_ love her. You still hoped that she would be allowed to come with you, and that I’d hold up my end of the bargain. How pathetic and naïve.”

 

           Kara swallowed the lump in her throat. “She’s your daughter, you-“

 

           “She’s _not_ my daughter,” Rhea sharply replied. “She has my blood, and for that reason I did not kill her, but she is nothing to me. I would not care if she tripped and fell onto her own blade – it would make little difference to me. She was little more than a means to an end, oh and how I enjoyed using her to get to you. She cried, you know, the first time I made her tell me your plans. It was so easy to take her off the field while you were distracted – to make her squirm and scream. She didn’t give up at all, no matter how many times my men beat her - not until I told her I would have arrows plunged into your sister’s heart at my signal. The only person you love as much as her; she knew if would destroy you. I knew I had her then; she would do anything to protect you from losing the ones you love, even if it meant betraying you. I told you I would tear you apart in ways that you couldn’t even imagine, and how easy it was to do it with the one you love most in the world. My only suggestion now is that you cooperate, or I will have her brought before you and torn apart before your very eyes – and I don’t doubt that she would come willingly, just for the chance to see you one last time.”

 

           “You sadistic bitch,” Kara spat. “I swear to the Gods, if you so much as touch _any_ of them, I’ll-“

 

           “What? Make empty threats while bound in ropes and in my grasp? Careful little Kara, you wouldn’t want to give me a reason to hurt you ... or her.” As curses and more threats started to fall from Kara’s lips, Rhea laughed and grabbed the gag, pulling it back up to muffle the sounds. With a nod to the soldier, he hauled Kara back up onto the horse, strapping her down over the back of it like saddlebags. She lashed out with her feet in frustration, catching the soldier in the side of the head and getting a few hard punches in return.

 

           Soon enough they were moving again, with thousands of them galloping westwards towards their ships.

 

\---

 

           It took them a week of hard riding before they reached the sandy beach where their ships had been moored. Everyone dismounted the second they reached the shoreline, and soldiers waded out into the cold water to get one of the boats ready to set sail as soon as possible. There had been no sign of the Kryptonian’s in pursuit, but that didn’t mean that they weren’t coming, and Rhea didn’t want to lose the chance to kidnap their Queen. Kara lay silently over the back of the horse, as she had done every day since they’d taken her, and she silently prayed that Alex had obeyed her orders. She had made this decision for herself; it would’ve been too easy to carry on playing the long game with Rhea, but she had wanted the war to end, and she hoped Alex would see why she’d done it.

 

           Soon enough they had one ship ready to sail, and Kara was lifted off the horse and onto a soldier’s shoulder and carried into the sea. The man quickly waded through the waves and handed Kara up to the crew, and soon enough the ship was setting sail, leaving everyone else to scramble to catch up with them. Kara was quickly tied to one of the masts, and the rest of the soldiers started heaving at the oars, propelling the ship through the waves while the deck lurched beneath their feet. Not for the first time, Kara was grateful that she didn’t get sick at sea, for she doubted that her gag would have been removed if she started vomiting.

 

           Other ships started to follow behind them, and they were soon leaving the shores of Krypton behind, and for a moment, just before they slipped beyond the horizon, Kara thought she could see the tiny figures of horses cresting the top of the sand dunes, and then they were out of sight.

 

           The wind was in their sails, spurring them onwards, and Kara was left tied to the mast, squinting in the sun as she looked out at the endless blue waves spread before her. Rhea stood at the prow of the ship, her hair streaming out behind her as she stared out before her, watching as they sped away from Krypton. Almost as if she could feel Kara staring daggers at the back of her head, she turned around and smiled as she walked towards her.

 

           “Cut her loose,” Rhea ordered, snapping her fingers at the nearest soldier, and Kara’s eyes widened slightly in surprise.

 

           “Your Majesty-“

 

           “She won’t run; she has nowhere to go and she is too far from land. If she holds even the slightest hope of seeing her beloved again, she won’t be foolish enough to dive over the side and drown herself, or try and kill anyone.”

 

           Kara scowled, because Rhea was right, and the soldier quickly unsheathed his dagger and cut her loose, and at a questioning look at Rhea, he also removed the gag and the ropes binding her wrists and ankles. As soon as Kara was free, she grabbed the front of the leather breastplate the man was wearing and headbutted him squarely on the nose, earning a satisfying crack as it broke and sprayed blood everywhere. Grabbing a fistful of her hair, Rhea snatched the dagger out of the man’s hand as he howled in pain, and she pressed the sharp edge against Kara’s neck.

 

           “Just because I won't kill you, do not think that I won’t carve up your pretty face if you tempt me,” Rhea warned her, slamming Kara back into the mast. Kara let out a choked up laugh, sounding almost hysterical as she flashed her bloodstained teeth. “Test me, I dare you.”

 

           Kara stubbornly pushed forward, her hair pulling at her scalp and the sharp edge of the knife drawing a shallow line of blood across her throat. “Do it,” Kara hissed, her voice raising as her temper flared up, “you coward. Do it!”

 

           “Tie her to the prow,” Rhea said, removing the dagger. “We’ll see if she has anything to say while she chokes on the sea.”

 

           Kara struggled and fought as two burly men dragged her to the front of the ship, but they were twice her size and heavily muscled and as they reached the huge snake figurehead at the front, there was nothing she could do as they tied her to it. The further out they got, the bigger the waves were, and as the boat lurched over waves, the salty spray soaked Kara through to her core. Her hair and clothes were plastered to her, and as wave after wave broke against the hull, Kara received another face full of water, the seawater choking her and filling her nose with the briny smell of the sea as she gasped for air. And then another wave would come, and on and on it went, until her eyes were sore from the salt and her throat felt like it was on fire. She didn’t utter a single word though, she was too proud to give Rhea the satisfaction, and so they let her hang there all night. The sky was just lightening on the horizon when they untied her, dragging her limp and soaking body onto the deck and leaving her to collapse on the rough wooden deck, retching as she coughed up water, before passing out where she lay. That was only the first day.

 

\---

 

           It took weeks to get to Daxam, and Kara thought about Lena every day, wondering what she was doing, if she was safe, if she was on her way back to Kandor as Kara had asked of her. Even just thinking about her made Kara sad. Her heartache made Kara angry, and so she took a small amount of pleasure in her stubbornness, and she fought Rhea at every turn. She knew that she wouldn’t kill her – why waste all that effort to capture her, if she was just going to kill her? – and so Kara would just raise her chin and give Rhea a poisonous look, hurling insults at her whenever she tried to make Kara do something.

 

           By the time that the red cliffs of Daxam came into sight on the horizon, Rhea’s patience with her was growing thin, and Kara knew that soon the real torture would start. She tried not to think about what Rhea would do to her, but she knew that at least she wouldn’t kill her; she needed Kara to marry her son so that he could claim Krypton for himself. Kara would rather open her own throat up than let that happen, and if it came to it, she would turn thoughts into action, but only as a desperate last resort.

 

           As they got closer to the wide bay, Kara’s hands were bound in front of her and soldiers rowed faster at the sight of their home. She dimly acknowledged the fact that most of these soldiers probably had families and their own lives that they’d left behind on their King’s orders, and she almost pitied them for having to be away for so long, fighting in a war that didn’t concern them. They weren’t her enemies, just like her soldiers weren’t Rhea’s. It was a war of politics, between a few people who had sacrificed many for their own selfish gain. Kara stared into the eyes of the young woman before her as she tugged at the rope binding Kara’s wrists, making sure that they were tight enough that she wouldn’t get free.

 

           Soon they reached the docks, and soldiers pulled in oars while others jumped off the boat, landing on the wooden jetties and tying the ship to the posts. Rhea barked orders at the soldiers, and soon enough horses were being untied from the others ships and brought to them. Meanwhile, Kara gazed around, taking in the unfamiliar landscape of the kingdom. The water was almost purplish as the red sand contrasted with the blue sea, and her eyes traveled further upwards, taking in red cliffs with zig-zagging smooth paths carved into the side of them. Above the cliffs she knew she would find the capital; she’d seen the small bump of the castle in the distance as they’d approached, and she knew that’s where Rhea would be taking her.

 

           Sure enough, a few minutes later, Kara found the other end of her rope tied to the saddle of Rhea’s horse, and the woman urge it forward, leaving Kara to stumble after her to keep up. Her skin was deeply tanned and peeling from so many weeks at sea, her golden hair even yellower from the sun, and Kara’s clothes had become ragged, but being forced to stumble along behind the horse was a way to identify her as the Queen. They would know who she was, for no one else would be worth humiliating, as Rhea did as she rode through the sea of peasants and sailors, children and laundry women, spurring the horse on faster, so that Kara was yanked forward onto the hot sand. Still she didn’t stop, and Kara was dragged along, the sand clinging to her wet hair, skin and clothes. Scrambling to her feet, Kara spat out a mouthful of red sand, and a moment later was yanked forward again, sprawling out yet again. More people were gathered around now, all of them vying for a spot at the front to watch as Rhea dragged Kara along behind her horse, a wicked smile on her face as she did so. Soon enough, the people were throwing things at Kara; apple cores, small rocks that drew blood as they split skin, horse shit and rotting fish guts. She was soon even filthier than before, and she forced herself to keep her face neutral as she breathed through her mouth, almost gagging whenever she caught a waft of herself.

 

           They soon reached the beginning of the path cut into the cliffs, and Kara grit her teeth as she fell to her knees, skinning them on the rough stone. Lurching to her feet, she stumbled onwards, silently cursing Rhea with every step as she shot daggers at the woman’s back. Almost as if to remind Kara that she was her prisoner, Rhea would urge the horse onwards every once in a while, so that Kara had no choice but to have her arms ripped out of their sockets or be dragged along until Rhea slowed down again. Soon her skin was raw and peeling in places, but still she didn’t utter a sound.

 

           It felt like an eternity before the walls of the red castle loomed before her. They had made a direct line through the sprawling city, and every moment had tormented Kara as civilians jeered and threw slurs and insults at her, but she took it all on the chin, stubbornly holding her head high with her shoulders back. She was a Queen in every right, and she wouldn’t let them break her. As she was dragged through the city, Kara caught glimpses of the red brick buildings, the scraggly trees and other plants that didn’t need much water to thrive. It was a stark difference to the lush green fields of Krypton, and while Kara didn’t doubt that Daxam was able to produce enough of its own grains and fruits, she knew that Krypton offered a different variety that Daxam would love to get its hands on. If only they’d been content with the trade that their kingdom’s had.

 

           Huge bronze gates parted as the neared the castle, and Kara was dragged into the courtyard, falling to her knees in an exhausted pile as Rhea brought her horse to a stop. Dismounting, she spared Kara the barest glance and then ordered the soldiers to take Kara to the dungeons. A part of Kara was relieved to be taken out of her presence, but she knew it would only be for the mean time – Rhea would soon begin her real torture. Cut loose from behind the horse, Kara was roughly dragged around the side of the squat castle, too tired to even pay attention to her surroundings as she was taken inside and led downstairs. Soon enough she was being shoved into a dark cell, devoid of any light, and then she was left alone.

 

           She’d collapsed to the ground when they’d pushed her inside, and she couldn’t even muster the strength to move. The ground was cool beneath her, and Kara was almost grateful after the sweltering heat and weeks of exposure to the sun. Pressing her bloody and dirty cheek to the cool stone, Kara let out a shaky breath, curling up in a small ball. And then she cried. She hadn’t cried since the day she’d handed herself over, and she’d been numb with shock and too stubborn to cry on board the ship in front of those who would think her week, but alone in the dark, Kara was overcome with every bottled up feeling, and they all came out at once. Her shoulders shook, and tears cut a path through the dirt, sweat and blood covering her cheeks, and Kara cried until she exhausted herself so much that sleep claimed her. Gratefully, she sank into it, letting the darkness sweep over her so that she could escape for just a few moments.

 

\---

 

           The sound of metal scraping metal reached Kara’s ears and she bolted upright, sleep quickly vanishing as she scrambled to her feet and backed up into a corner. It was dark, but the soldiers carried torches as they walked in, followed lastly by Rhea, who was smiling. Her cruel face was bathed orange in the flickering light of the flames, and Kara swallowed the lump in her throat. Her torture began now.

 

           One of the soldiers without a torch stepped forward, carrying heavy chains with him, and as he reached for Kara’s left wrist, she smacked him across the face. The blow was returned, and Kara pushed back against the wall, kicking him in the chest as he reached for her again. The next time he came for her, his face contorted into a snarl, Kara launched her self at him, catching him off guard as she threw her arms around his neck. It took all the strength she had, but she jerked his head sharply to the side, letting his limp body collapse to the ground as she straightened back up, wiping her bloody nose on the sleeve of her tunic.

 

           Raising her eyebrows and looking slightly amused, Rhea gestured for the other soldiers to chain her up, and Kara let them without a struggle. She’d wasted all her energy on taking out the soldier, and it didn’t matter how many she killed, there would always be another one to take their place. The shackles circled each of her wrists, and the chains were looped through rings embedded in the walls, and they quickly pulled until Kara’s arms were splayed out as wide as they could be. She wouldn’t be able to snap anyone else’s necks – not with her hands at any rate.

 

           “I hope you’re settling in nicely,” Rhea said, her smile sharp as she taunted Kara. “Normally a person of your station would be given a nice prison, but I thought this would be more fitting for your wild behavior. It’s almost as if you didn’t have parents to raise you … well, I guess that’s somewhat true. Never mind, I’m sure they still regret what they did.”

 

           “The only wrong thing my parents ever did was agree to wed me to your son,” Kara hissed, the chains rattling as she pulled at them, trying to get as close to Rhea as possible.

 

           She let out a surprised laugh, and Kara was surprised to hear actual amusement in it, instead of the usual cold, humourless one. “I do not speak of your parents, you foolish girl. I speak of their killers and how they must regret putting you on the throne … oh, but you don’t know who they are? How sad.”

 

           “And I’m supposed to believe that you do?”

 

           “Oh no, I do not think you would believe me if I told you. I think I shall keep it to myself for now though. I’ll enjoy torturing you with that later on,” Rhea said, a slow smile spreading over her face. “Another thing to slowly tear you apart. Oh, we’re going to have so much fun, you and I, little Kara. I might even be merciful and make your torture physical, just to spare you the pain of more betrayal. It must be sad to know that so many around you have stabbed you in the back, but the saddest must be that _whore._ ”

 

           Kara spat in Rhea’s face at the insult directed at Lena. “When I escape, and make no mistake, I will, I will take pleasure in returning the favour. So go ahead, insult her some more, but in the end I will have my revenge, and so will the Gods.”

 

           Rhea punched her in the stomach, and the air fled Kara’s lungs as her knees buckled beneath her, the chains holding her up as she sagged slightly. Wiping the blood and spit off her face, Rhea let out a quiet laugh, which sent shivers through Kara. “You really _are_ a fool. Where are your Gods now, girl? Where is Rao? He has not _blessed_ you, and they care little for the lives of mortals. Your golden hair? It is little more than a farce used to bolster your arrogance, and you’ll not see sunlight again, my little sun kissed Queen.”

 

           She unsheathed her dagger, taking a step forward and pressing the sharp point against Kara’s neck, the sharp prick drawing a bead of blood which rolled down her throat. With a quick laugh, Rhea moved the dagger, making a sharp chopping motion through Kara’s golden hair that she had knotted in her other hand. The blonde locks fell to the floor, and Kara jerked her head as far away from Rhea as she could. And soon enough, her waist-length hair had been shorn off, leaving Kara’s head feeling bare, and the golden armour of the Rao’s blessing was soon piled around her feet. She willed herself not to cry as Rhea cut her hair, she just cursed her and cursed her over and over again, with every cut of the knife, until her hair was jagged and patchy, not even covering her ears.

 

           After she was finished, Rhea admired her handiwork with satisfaction and then ordered Kara to be unchained. Leaving the cell, Kara was dragged after Rhea, her weight supported between two soldiers as they carried her through the castle. Kara looked around at her surroundings as they made it to the ground level of the castle, and she looked at the obvious wealth of the place, extravagantly decorated with silk tapestries and exotic hides of animals, and Kara couldn’t help but think about what a waste it was. They were less lavish in Krypton, with the crown’s money earned from taxes being preferred to be spent on ways to make sure there was enough food and work for everyone in the kingdom. Here, apparently more importance was placed on having golden mirrors and jewel encrusted candle stands.

 

           Eventually they came to a huge room, and Kara spotted the figure of a man outline by the flickering fire in the hearth. He turned at the sounds of their entrance, draining his goblet and setting it aside as he walked towards them. “Mother,” he said in a low voice.

 

           “My son, I bring you Kara Zor-El, Queen of Krypton,” Rhea proclaimed, gesturing to Kara as she stepped to her son’s side. The room was dimly lit, but in the light from the fire, she could see his face clearly. She supposed he wasn’t ugly, he was boringly handsome, and he looked bored too. With disinterest, he stared down at her, and she stubbornly glared back at him.

 

           “She’s unsightly,” he said after a few moments, “and she smells worse than the sewers. I thought she was supposed to be beautiful.”

 

           “Well we’ve had some ... _disagreements_ ,” Rhea shrugged, her teeth flashing as she smiled at her son. “Her hair will grow back, and her face will heal – eventually. Besides, you are not marrying her for her looks, you shall marry her for the child she’ll give you.”

 

           “I would rather die,” Kara coldly laughed, and one of the soldiers kicked her legs out from under her. Collapsing to her knees, Kara carried on laughing, and tears streamed from her eyes as she couldn’t stop herself. It didn’t matter what they did to her, she would speak her mind and she would take whatever punishment they threw at her.

 

           Mon-El looked faintly disgusted as he watched her hysterically laugh as she knelt before him. “Have you broken her, mother? She is a madwoman.”

 

           “She is in shock, my son. She’ll soon come around to our side, I’m sure of it. She won’t even know who she is by the time I’ve finished tearing her apart and putting her back together,” Rhea reached down and caressed Kara’s dirty cheek as she spoke, smiling as Kara jerked her head back. “Take her back to her cell.”

 

           The soldiers obeyed, and Kara was no match for them as they dragged her back the way they had come, their hands firmly clamped down around her upper arms as she kicked or tried to stubbornly stop walking. It was no use, and they just dragged her along on the floor. She was soon locked back in her cell, chained to the wall and left alone with the dead body of the man she’d killed. Kara wondered if they were going to let him rot in here with her, or whether he’d be afforded burial rights, but she didn’t care right then. She just wanted to sleep, but more than anything, she wanted to be back home. It tormented her to not know what was happening to Lena and Alex and everyone else she cared about, and she would’ve killed to find out if they were okay. To see their faces again would be more than she dared to dream of.


	33. Chapter 33

            She wasn’t sure how long she was kept in the cell. Time seemed to drag on in the dark, and the only time the door was opened was to give her food or for Rhea to come and taunt her.

 

            The body had only stayed in there with her for a day, because although her arms were chained to the wall, she had stretched out as far as she could, using her feet to grip the handle of the dead man’s dagger and drag it out with some difficulty. She grit her teeth in pain as the manacles bit into the skin of her wrists, and it took all of her willpower to bear the pain and stretch as far as she could to reach it, but finally, panting and sweating, she dragged the dagger along the floor towards her. It was hidden beneath her boot the next time the soldier’s came in, unchaining her so that Rhea could have her fun. Kara had purposely collapsed to the floor, scrambling for the dagger, and as the soldier had dragged her to her feet, Kara had drove the dagger into the woman’s neck, a spray of fresh blood coating her face as the woman fell to her knees. She’d thrown herself at the next soldier, and Rhea had backed out of the cell, locking the door back into place.

 

            “It would seem I underestimated you,” she said through the tiny slit in the door, while Kara opened the throat of the other soldier. It didn’t take long for her to come back with more soldiers; so many that even armed with a sword, Kara was overwhelmed before she could take them all out. By the time they had both of her arms spread wide and chained to the walls, they were treading on dead bodies, and Rhea ordered them all to be removed and manacles be brought in for Kara’s ankles too. They wouldn’t make the mistake of underestimating her again.

 

            “If you like fighting my warriors so much, then perhaps I should make sport of it,” Rhea had said, grabbing Kara’s face in her hand and and caressing one cheek.

 

            From then on, Kara would be let out of the cell occasionally to fight against Rhea’s soldiers. They would gather in the throne room with the lords and ladies, and Kara would be stuck in the middle of a ring of them while they took it in turns fighting her for their own amusement. She was weak but she still fought with vicious, deadly skill, but no matter how many dead bodies she littered the hall of the throne room with, and no matter how many weapons she got her hands on, there were always more soldiers to overwhelm her. Other times Rhea came in, and Kara would be unchained from the wall, only to have both arms spread wide so that Rhea could whip her back with a wooden cane. The beatings left long bruises and cuts, and sometimes cracked ribs, but wood was chosen on purpose so that Kara’s back wouldn’t bear the scars of her beatings; she was still to marry Mon-El eventually, and Kara was still confused as to why she hadn’t been forced to yet. Perhaps it was because Rhea hadn’t succeeded in breaking her. She might’ve locked Kara away in the dark, but she didn’t know that Kara had spent a year in the suffocating darkness of Cair, and she might not have been allowed outside, but being let out of the cell to brawl with soldiers was enough to give her glimpses of light.

 

            The worst was when Rhea would talk though, for there was nothing Kara could do but listen. At least when she was whipped and beaten, she would press her lips together and bite her tongue to stave off the screams that threatened to fall, and unconsciousness would soon take her when the pain became unbearable. But when Rhea talked, her words pierced Kara’s ears and wormed their way into her mind, planting seeds of doubt as she told her everything Lena had spilled to her. Kara wasn’t sure if she was lying just to make it hurt more, but there was some undeniable truth to her words too. Plans and strategies, military and supply figures, personal things about Kara. It hurt to hear them all repeated back to her, and Kara would grind her teeth together and squeeze her eyes shut as she repeated all of their good memories in her mind. The softness of her lips beneath Kara’s; the arch of her sarcastically cocked eyebrow; the sound of her laugh; the secret look of love in her eyes whenever they locked eyes with each other across a campfire. She thought about her in the in between moments too, when she was left alone to dwell in silence. She thought about Lena in between each beat of her heart, each time her she let out a shaky breath as she willed herself not to cry, and each time she mustered her courage to face the torture she was about to endure whenever she heard the sound of a key in the lock. She bore this torture so that Lena could be safe. That was enough to help her endure it over and over again, no matter how many times she wanted to give in to whatever Rhea asked for.

 

            She felt trapped in the nightmare of endless torture. Locked in the cell, shaking and trying to pretend like she wasn’t afraid, and the nightmare didn’t happen just once, it happened over and over again. Day after day.

 

            Soon, the days turned into weeks, and then months, and the only way Kara kept track of the passing time was her hair, which slowly began to fall in soft curls, first past her ears, and then to her chin. Kara wasn’t sure how long exactly she was held there; the meals were infrequent and sometimes she thought she would starve before she managed to escape. She grew thin, and the deeply tanned skin she’d come in with soon grew sallow and ghostly beneath the thick coating of dirt, and she missed the feeling of the sun kissing her skin. More than anything she missed Lena. She still had the handkerchief wrapped around her wrist, and she would blindly stare at it in the dark, and when her hands weren’t chained to the wall she would run her fingers over the embroidered poppies. Some nights she still cried, missing those she loved and feeling the sharp sting of Lena’s betrayal, but for the most part, she planned. No one had come for her, as far as she knew, and she was relieved that her orders had been followed, but she also knew that she would have to free herself.

 

            She planned from the moment she had seen a soldier with golden hair cut to her chin, and locked away in the dark corner of the dungeons, Kara bided her time, waiting for her opportunity. Her opportunity drew closer at the news that Rhea was leaving to sail back to Krypton, and from what she told Kara, it sounded like her army hadn’t stood down, and Rhea was sailing back to squash them. She had made the most of her last opportunity to try and break Kara, and had promised that she’d be back, perhaps with one of Kara’s loved one’s head on a platter for her, and Kara had cursed her while Rhea laughed. It had almost been a relief for her to be given a break from Rhea, but a part of her was terrified at Rhea hurting anyone she cared about. Kara would’ve taken a beating everyday for the rest of her life if it meant that everyone else would be spared; it was why she had handed herself over in the first place.

 

            At least with Rhea out of the way, she could put her plan into motion though. It would be a few more weeks, but then she would be able to escape, she was sure of it. What she hadn’t anticipated was Mon-El visiting her, and one day, the cell door was unlocked and he walked in with two soldiers. Kara was shocked to see him; she had only seen him when she was taken upstairs to fight, and he hadn’t spoken a word to her the entire time. Yet, that day when he walked into her cell, she found herself afraid. His mother was sadistic and cruel, and Lena had said he was just like her, and she wondered what he was going to do to her.

 

            “Your hair … it grows,” he said, bringing a torch close to Kara’s face, and she winced at the brightness and the heat coming off it. “I’ve heard that in some kingdoms, they believe that hair holds the strength of a person, and to cut it is to make them weak. Yours was your armour, was it not? Blessed by Rao. I wonder what your god would make of you now.”

 

            “If you’ve come to torture me, get on with it,” Kara hissed, her hands gripping the chains to brace herself for the blow.

 

            “I’ve come to talk,” Mon-El murmured. “You rejected my marriage proposal.”

 

            Kara let out a shaky laugh, “sorry to have offended you, but I would rather you run me through with a sword right now than bind myself to you.”

 

            Snorting, Mon-El gestured for his guards to leave, and they bowed their heads before leaving. “Why? What reason could you have for denying me?”

 

            “Is this about your _pride_?” Kara asked incredulously. “I’ve heard of your vanity and narcissism, but _really?”_

 

            He bristled at her words, his jaw tightening as he raised his chin and sneered at her. “I would think of your own pride. Consorting with a married woman? I would not have taken the Queen for a whore.”

 

            Kara scoffed at his words; he clearly had no idea what he was talking about. “You know nothing of love,” she snapped, “I would not turn her into my mistress.”

 

            “So you handed yourself over to my mother instead? How foolish of you,” he laughed, pacing back and forth in front of her. “Even after you knew she betrayed you.”

 

            “She didn’t betray me,” Kara said, “I came of my own free will. Your mother’s plan wasn’t carried out how she planned it. I did this to _myself_.”

 

            Letting out another quiet laugh, Mon-El stopped pacing and looked at Kara. Tilting his head to the side, he reached out and lifted Kara’s chin, even as she tried to pull away from him. “It’s a pity you did this to yourself. You could’ve saved yourself a lot of pain, and I would have treated you well if you were my wife. I’m told you’re quiet beautiful, not that I can see it beneath all the filth.”

 

            “Am I not to be your wife anyway?” Kara bitterly asked.

 

            “No, I should think not,” Mon-El said after a moment. “I did not want you as my bride – that’s not what this was ever about. You gave offence, you rejected me, and I could not let you scorn me when you yourself were raised with riffraff in a _temple_. I heard you were left to run wild around your country; hardly a fitting bride for a King.”

 

            “Fit enough to rule my own country though,” Kara said, raising her chin.

 

            “And look how well that worked out for you,” he smiled, “chained up in my dungeons, at my mother’s mercy, to torture and toy with as she pleases. I doubt this is where you imagined your crown would lead you.”

 

            Kara swallowed the lump in her throat. “I would not change a single decision I made.”

 

            “Tell me something; is she really worth it? This bastard sister of mine?”

 

            “She is worth _everything_ ,” Kara whispered, her eyes shining with unshed tears at the thought of Lena.

 

            “Then I’m truly sorry that you’ll never see her again,” Mon-El said, and he almost sounded regretful and sincere as he spoke. He didn’t say anything else after that, he just turned and walked back out of the cell, leaving Kara alone in the dark. That settled her mind once and for all; he would die in her escape. She had almost considered letting him live seeing as he had done nothing to her personally, and Daxam still needed a ruler, but he had let his mother rule him like a little child. He could’ve let Kara go back to Lena, to her home, but he would keep her here out of the sake of his pride and his mother’s entertainment. Before the cell shut, she stared into the face of the soldier with the blonde hair, and Kara made up her mind.

 

            She just had to hold on for a few more weeks.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm sneakily updating this in class bc it runs for 9 hours, and 5 hours of travelling to and from uni means that I won't have time to write it when I get home. Unfortunately that also means that I probably won't be able to update tomorrow, because I have the same class AGAIN for another 9 hours, plus 5 hours travelling (probably should've just let that car hit me) but I'll try my best to get one up anyway.

           Her hair reached her chin, and she grew weaker still. 

 

           She played on that weakness, relying on it heavily to make them think that she was beginning to crack. After unknown months of torture and and torment, it wasn’t a surprise to the soldiers when Kara started hysterically laughing to herself, or that she couldn’t stand anymore, she would just sag against her chains whenever she was pulled to her feet and chained up. It hurt her joints to just hang there, but it was a necessary part of her plan, and Kara had endured worse pain at Rhea’s hand, so she could handle anything for the chance to escape.

 

           It came when they were stupid enough to let their guard down. Either Mon-El was foolish enough to think that his mother had broken her, or his guards had grown lazy in their duties. Either way, they started to only send one soldier to bring her food and water and check that she was still breathing, and that was the biggest mistake they could’ve made. Kara’s time came the day that the blonde woman came into her cell to bring her food and force some water down her throat. Kara had started refusing to eat and drink, knowing that they would force feed her to ensure that she stayed alive for whatever purpose their King and Queen had for her. So when the blonde soldier walked in with Kara’s food, alone, she let out a weary sigh and walked over to Kara, slapping her face to get her attention. Sluggishly, Kara murmured and stirred, her head lolling as she peered at the woman.

 

           “Here.”

 

           “I-I c-can’t,” Kara stammered in a hoarse voice, “m-my hands.”

 

           With another sigh, the woman set the tray down and reached to unlock one of Kara’s wrists so that she could feed herself. With one hand unlocked, Kara pitched forward, letting herself collapse to the ground, one hand still chained to the wall and keeping her dangling as she hung limply. Muttering curses, the woman reached out to drag Kara up by the scruff of her neck, forgetting to keep a hand on her weapons for a moment. It was more than enough time for Kara to pull the dagger out of her belt and plunge it into the woman’s neck before she could even make a sound. Ignoring the sounds of the woman gurgling and choking as she died, Kara fiddled with the screw on the other manacle with shaking fingers, quickly freeing herself. She collapsed to the ground, breathing heavily for a moment; it might’ve been partly an act, but she _was_ a lot weaker than she would’ve liked. Still, there was no time to waste, and she scrambled towards the woman and started unbuckling her armour. She didn’t know how long it would take for another soldier to come looking for her, so Kara made sure she was quick. Stripping off her own tunic, she exchanged it for the dead woman’s, and then dressed her in her own blood soaked rags.

 

           Dragging the dead body to the wall, Kara chained her up, looking at the way she sagged with satisfaction. With the blonde hair and the limp way her body hung from the chains, she looked like Kara in the dark, and no one would know until the next watch. Quickly strapping on the woman’s armour, Kara used the water she’d been brought to wash her face before she shoved the helmet on, making sure her blonde hair was poking out of the bottom the way it did for the woman. Hopefully no one would look too closely at her, and she’d be able to pass for the woman until she managed to get herself free.

 

           Opening the door, Kara let herself out and locked it behind her, seeing a soldier peer around the end of the hallway and give her a nod. She returned it and walked down the hallway, keeping her head down as she passed by the man and walked upstairs. She knew the route up there by now, and it wouldn’t take her long to find the front door of the castle. Kara was just silently praying to the gods that they’d present her with an escape route; one that wouldn’t cause suspicion. Her only chance of escape now lied with the slim chance of finding a boat bound for Krypton, and Kara knew that posed as a soldier, she might be able to slip aboard a ship with no questions asked. Part of the reason why she had waited was to gather information, and her patience had been rewarded with snatches of conversation as she fought in the throne room. Ships left Daxam carrying soldiers and supplies, and Kara knew that Rhea had asked for reinforcements, had heard from the mouths of lords and ladies that she was under siege at Argo City, and had locked herself away inside the walls. If Kara could make it to Argo City on board one of their ships, she would be free.

 

           Hesitating, Kara wondered if she should just make a run for freedom, or if she should carry out her whole plan. If she left Mon-El alive, he would just send more reinforcements and the war would continue, even after she’d killed Rhea. Setting her mind, Kara walked through the castle, hoping to find out where Mon-El was quickly so that she could kill him and disappear before anyone realized. A small slave girl ran past, and Kara quickly grabbed her by the arm, and the girl’s eyes widened with fear.

 

           “I have a message for the King, where is he?”

 

           The girl pointed down the hallway, and Kara nodded, letting her go and hurrying forward. She hated the fact that such a young girl was already bound to a life of slavery, but Kara knew that she couldn’t save everyone – not right now – but she hoped that one day Daxam would be a peaceful and prospering country without stealing people from homes and selling them as slaves. One day she would get her revenge for all the slaves in Daxam, but right now she had to escape. She knocked on half a dozen different doors before she heard Mon-El’s voice permitting her to enter. It looked like his personal chambers, and he was sat before the fire enjoying what looked like his breakfast. He glanced at her quickly as she strode in and knelt before his chair.

 

           “Stand,” Mon-El ordered her, sounding bored, and he didn’t see the dagger that Kara had slipped out of her belt. As she climbed to her feet, Kara’s hand shot out and buried the dagger up through his chin. His mouth opened in surprise, and Kara could see the metal buried up through the roof of his mouth, and she watched as blood began to pour out of his mouth. She didn’t stay to watch him die, she knew without a doubt that he would, so Kara yanked the dagger back out and quickly fled the room. The whole thing had taken a minute; she didn’t want to drag it out purely to make it more painful for Mon-El. This was her one chance at freedom and revenge, and she would seize her opportunity, but she wasn't sadistic like Rhea, and she took little pleasure in torture. He might've been her enemy, but he deserved a quick death, and she gave it to him. She had more important things to do than stand around watching him choke on his own blood. She had a ship to catch.

 

           She made herself walk slowly through the castle and towards the front doors, trying to remain inconspicuous so that she wouldn’t be spotted, but when she walked outside into the blinding sunlight, Kara let out a small sob of relief. She hadn’t felt the sun on her face in months, and such a simple thing felt like such a luxury after so long inside. Gulping down lungful’s of fresh air, Kara smiled at the feeling of the wind brushing against her face.

 

           “Soldier!”

 

           Kara whipped her head around at the shout, finding the left side of the courtyard packed with soldiers, all lined up and stood to attention.

            

           “Fall in or I’ll have you whipped through the streets!” A woman shouted, and Kara quickly rushed over to stand in line with the other soldiers. It looked like they were some of the reinforcements that Rhea had asked for, and Kara stopped herself from letting out a sigh of relief as she listened to the woman bark more orders at them. Soon enough they were marching through the city, and Kara tried to keep up, even though she felt like she might pass out from exhaustion.

 

           She didn’t though, and as she tramped along the red sand of the beach, which gave way to the rough planks of the docks, Kara allowed herself a small smile. She could almost taste the freedom, and even the smell of the sea was enough to bring her some joy. They were quick to get on board their waiting ship, and everyone started preparing it to sail, with Kara taking a seat at the oars in preparation to row. She didn’t think her muscles could bear it, but she would have to keep up appearances until they reached Krypton, or she would find herself floating amongst the waves with her throat slit.

 

           Before long they were out on the open sea, the wind in their sails and the docks fading into the distance. The bells started to ring in alarm before they were out of earshot, and Kara’s heart jumped into her throat, thundering as she glanced around at the other soldiers. The alarm clearly meant that they’d found Mon-El, but no one on board knew that, and they were already on their way to Krypton. When no one showed any concern for what was happening behind them, Kara let out a shaky breath and relaxed into the rhythm of rowing.

 

\---

 

           The weeks spent at sea were heaven to Kara, and she basked in the feeling of freedom – or as free as she was, considering the fact that she was on a boat surrounded by the enemy. She didn’t take her helmet off the entire time she was on the ship, earning herself a few jibes off the other soldiers who just called her Helmet when she didn’t give them her name. Even with the helmet on, she still reveled in the feeling of the sun and wind on her face, and even the briny smell of the sea was a blessing after so long spent in a dank prison cell with only the smell of mold and stale air. The food was even better, and after months of stale bread, the hard cheese and salted meat they ate felt like a luxury, not to mention the watered down ale that was passed around. She might not have been home, and she might be discovered at any moment, but Kara was content to eat, drink and row beneath the open sky for as long as it took to get home, and if she died, at least it wouldn’t be in a black cell while she wasted away.

 

           She wasn’t found out though, and eventually they made it to Krypton. The first glimpse they had was of the very north-western point of the kingdom, and Kara quickly stood and stared out at the sheer limestone cliffs and the white sandy beach stretching out along the edge of the entire coast. The weather was overcast and windy, and the water was a murky blue beneath them, but even still, Kara felt a rush of homesickness and joy at being almost home.

 

           “First time coming here?” a soldier asked to Kara’s left, and she quickly turned to look at him, giving him a small nod. “Strange isn’t it, the white sand. It makes me homesick.”

 

           Kara choked on a laugh; she’d forgotten that most of them wouldn’t be happy to be here. They just wanted to be back at their own homes, just like Kara did. “Where are you from, Helmet?” the soldier asked.

 

           Shooting him a suspicious look, Kara braced herself against the side of the ship as she stared intently out at the land spread before her. She had the sudden urge to dive over the side of the ship, but she was too far away from land, and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to swim that far. She would have to wait until they got further south, and a little closer to the shore. “A place far away from here,” was all she murmured in reply.

 

           “Let’s hope we all get to return, huh? If it wasn’t for that blasted girl, we would’ve all been safely at home by now. I saw her once, you know, their Queen. On the battlefield. She had beautiful golden hair, and the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen, kind of like your-“

 

           Fear welled up inside Kara as the man spoke – fear of being killed before she saw Lena or Alex again; fear of being held prisoner again; fear of being so close to home that she could almost see the endless rolling fields and the sprawling forests, but not being able to see it one last time. Hesitating for a moment, Kara looked at the soldier, and then looked at the beach in the distance, and then she dove over the side of the boat. It wasn't the wisest decision, but Kara had panicked, and a small part of her realised that maybe in some way, Rhea had broken her. Not in the way she had hoped, but in ways that made Kara afraid like she had never been before. Her fear came from her desperation, and she had never been more desperate in her life.

 

           The water was freezing cold, and Kara felt all of the air rush out of her lungs as she plunged beneath the waves. The shock of the cold made her tense up as she tried to right herself, and as her head broke the surface, she gasped for air, hearing the sounds of shouting voices, and then a wave swept over her, filling her mouth with water. Spluttering and trying to stay afloat, Kara struggled against the weight of her armour threatening to drag her down. Another wave tossed her about, and Kara sucked in a lungful of air as she took her helmet off and fumbled for the buckles of the breastplate with numb fingers. Eventually she struggled out of the breastplate, but fighting to keep her head above the waves had exhausted her, and Kara’s breathing was ragged as she tried to the stop the heavy chainmail from dragging her under, if the waves didn’t do it first. She needed to get to shore, quickly. Taking a deep breath, Kara dove underwater and let gravity do its work. The waves tossed her about, but slowly the chainmail was dragged down to her head, and Kara wormed her way out of it. Feeling lighter, she resurfaced, gulping in fresh air as she bobbed in the waves, and taking deep breaths, she wearily started to swim towards the shore.

 

           It was so far away, and Kara could barely lift her arms as she swam towards the shore, desperately trying to make it home. She was too tired, and before long, she found herself barely able to keep her head above the water as she furiously kicked herself onwards. She had to get home. She had to get back to Lena. She had to see Alex again, and she had to retake her throne. There were so many unfinished things for her to do; she had to get home.

 

           In a daze, Kara stopped swimming, pitching forward with the force of the waves. She couldn’t swim any longer, she couldn’t make herself move. Instead, she let the sea push her towards the shore, too tired to even stop it from tossing her around and filling her mouth and nose with water. She had spent months fighting, clinging onto life with a desperate hope, but now, when she was so close, she found that she couldn’t fight any longer. She didn't even have the strength to open her eyes and see how far away land was, she just kept her eyes squeezed tightly closed and let the waves batter her and drag her under. Soon enough, she couldn't remember anything. All she could taste was the salty seawater, and all she could hear was the sound of waves crashing. Eventually that faded away too as everything faded to black.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the next chapter anyway, even though I said I probs wouldn't, so what's new lmao. I'm updating from class again so excuse any errors bc I'm supposed to be pretending I'm a therapist right now, but I'm being sneaky while I finish this instead.

_She was drifting along the still river, staring up at the blue sky above as she sun beat down on her, and Kara closed her eyes as she smiled to herself. A drop of warm rain landed on her face, and Kara frowned, listening to the drops splash around her as they joined the river, and her eyes flew open. It had been sunny a moment ago, but now the sky was black with thunder clouds and she couldn’t see anything. A bolt of lightening flashed across the sky, and Kara’s eyes went wide with horror as she took in the red water she swam in. A trickle of warm liquid slid down Kara’s face and she reached up to wipe it away, her fingers coming away stained red._

_It wasn’t rain, it was blood._

_Titling her head back, Kara looked up as the blood began to pour down heavily, covering her completely in the thick, hot liquid as she gagged and choked on it. The red water began to rise around her, the still surface turning choppy as she was dragged down the river. A crack of thunder startled her and Kara sank beneath the surface of the water as it rose above her head, but there was a dull roaring noise in her ears. She couldn’t see where it was coming from, and she frantically turned underwater as she looked for the source of it._

_And then she was being dragged down, down, down._

_She was tossed and turned by the strong current of water as it fell off the lip of the cliff and thundered down to rejoin the river below, and Kara couldn’t catch her bearings as she fell with it. Her ears were filled with the sound of the roaring water, and her mouth and nose were filled with water and Kara started to panic. She couldn’t breathe. Almost as if her world was tipped upside down, Kara found herself staring up at a bright life. Everything seemed to calm all of a sudden, and the water stilled and the sounds of the waterfall disappeared. Holding her breath, Kara was suspended underwater, feeling the cool current slip around her, fanning her hair out around her as she floated just beneath the surface._

_A familiar laugh broke the stillness, and Kara’s eyes flashed upwards at the sound._

_“Kara! You have to swim, silly,” Lena’s amused voice came from high above, and Kara started swimming upwards towards the surface. Her hands came to a stop when she tried to break through, almost as if a thin sheet of glass was separating her from the surface. Letting out a wordless shout, a stream of bubbles passed Kara’s lips and she banged on the barrier with her fists. Slowly but surely, a small crack appeared, which soon spread outwards, fracturing the barrier. Hands broke through the water, reaching down towards her, and Kara saw a brown leather strip tied around one wrist as they grabbed the front of her tunic and dragged her upwards._

_Kara came out shivering, surrounded by endless white snow as she looked down at the ground far below her. She was half-frozen and her teeth chattered as she shielded her eyes from the snowstorm._

_“Sister!”_

_Kara looked around for Alex’s voice, her heart leaping at the sound, so close by. She couldn’t see her; all she could see was white and feel the grey stone behind her back._

_“Sister, you must climb!”_

_Alex’s voice sounded frantic, and Kara felt panic well up inside her at the sound. Turning around on her small ledge, Kara’s hands found purchase on the face of the cliff, and she slowly began to haul herself upwards, her fingers tearing on the jagged rocks as her breath billowed out before her in white clouds. Her arms shook and she felt like she was going to be blown away by the howling wind._

_She reached for the next handhold, but found only flat rock spread out before her, and Kara pulled herself up over the lip of the plateau. Exhausted and panting, Kara collapsed, feeling the heat of the rock beneath her cheek as her eyelids fluttered with the effort to keep them open. Soon enough, the heat became unbearable, and Kara found herself sweating as she looked up. She was on a small rock in the middle of a volcano, the lava spitting and oozing around her as she scrambled to her feet._

_A loud screech reached Kara’s ears and she looked up as a red and orange bird flew low overhead. It screeched again, slowly gliding lower, until it was flapping its great wings in front of Kara. It was a giant flamebird. It fixed its amber eyes on Kara, and she trembled as she stared back, jumping slightly as a voice echoed all around her._

_“It’s a flamebird, Kara. You remember, don’t you? Like the one in the story you told me. It is Rao’s bird and it protects those of Krytpon; it protected them against the evil of the Daxamite’s. You must do it once more. You are the flamebird, remember?” Lena’s voice said, and Kara was dimly aware of a distant memory of someone else calling her their flamebird. She had fought a long time ago, in the dark, and she’d fought under the name of Rao’s creature. She had been blessed by him too. She was the protector of the Kryptonian’s. She was their Queen._

_“Wake up sister,” Alex’s soft voice said from behind her, and Kara span around, taking in the face of her sister and watching as her appearance slowly flickered and she turned into a black bird. A nightwing. It flew past her head, and Kara ducked, spinning back around as she watched it reach the flamebird, and the two birds flew around each other in circles._

_“Wake up my love,” Lena’s voice gently sighed, echoing around her._

_At a loud squawk from the two birds, Kara jolted awake._

_\---_

           A piercing screeching sound reached Kara’s ears and she winced as she blearily opened her eyes. A coughing fit overcame her, and Kara spat out a mouthful of water, her throat feeling raw as she vomited up some more. Letting out a groan as the screeching sound came again, Kara grasped at the ground beneath her as she tried to weakly push herself up. She found her hands filled with fistfuls of sand, and she looked around her as she got to her knees.

 

           The white underside of a seagull’s wings darted overhead, and it let out another screech that sent a sharp pain through Kara’s head. Squinting slightly, she shielded her eyes as she looked up at the cliffs rising before her, and the seaweed strewn beach she lay upon. Kara let out a weak laugh that turned into a sob when she realized where she was; she was home.

 

           Laughing in joy, Kara flopped down onto her back, staring up at the white sky while the wind blew stinging sand at her. Kara was too relieved to even care, and she just lay there, soaking wet as the sea rushed towards her and made her even wetter. Soon she would have to get up and come up with some sort of plan, but she just wanted a few more minutes of relief to do nothing.

 

           Her few minutes turned into a few hours as she dozed off just out of reach of the waves, and Kara awoke to the sun sinking low on the horizon and a chill in the air. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep, and she hadn’t meant to be awoken so abruptly, but a gentle kick to her ribs has jolted her awake and Kara found herself staring down the length of a sword.

 

           “Who are you?” a suspicious voice asked, and Kara looked into the face of an elderly woman.

 

           “Kara,” she said, her voice feeling raw from all the saltwater she’d swallowed. “My name’s Kara.”

 

           “Kara?” the woman asked, sounding even more suspicious. “You are …”

 

           Holding up her left hand, Kara let the last rays of sunlight catch the golden ring bearing her house sigil, and the woman sucked in a surprised breath, dropping to her knees beside Kara and bowing her head. “Your Majesty.”

 

           With some difficulty, Kara staggered to her feet, sagging slightly once she got upright, but the woman reached out and steadied her, murmuring her apologies at touching Kara without permission. Kara made her gratitude known, and leant heavily on the woman as she led her to a path leading up the cliffs.

 

           They came out on the grass covered edge of the cliff, and Kara spotted the crumbling ruins of an old watchtower. “You are the watcher?” Kara asked the woman, who nodded.

 

           “A few of us older soldiers who have been injured in war have found ourselves out here,” she explained, and Kara nodded. They would have already sent word at the passing of the ship that Kara sailed on. “We didn’t see you abandon ship. It is fortunate that I was checking the nets for dinner, or I fear you would have been left out in the cold all night.”

 

           “I have faired worse,” Kara murmured, “although I am grateful to you for finding me.”

 

           She was led into the lower levels of the old watchtower, which was still mostly intact, and the woman helped her through the door of the garrison, where four other soldiers were all sat around a table playing cards. They all looked up in unison as Kara was led in, their eyebrows rising in surprise at the sight of her. “Bringing in strays now are we, Mala?”

 

           “Hold your tongue,” the woman - Mala – snapped, and the soldier blinked in surprise at the harsh tone. “You address Her Majesty, the Queen.”

 

           All four mouths fell open in shock, and cards and money went flying as they all quickly stood up and then fell to their knees, pressing their fists to their chests. Mala ignored them and led Kara through to another room where a row of bunks were held, and she carefully lowered Kara onto one of them.

 

           “I’ll fetch you clean clothes and some food, Your Majesty,” she said, bowing her head before leaving to do as she had said.

 

           Kara’s body felt leaden as she sank down on the thin mattress, but it felt like heaven beneath her after so many months without a bed. She wanted to cry, but she knew that now wasn’t the time. She wasn’t home yet; she wasn’t with her family. Letting all of the fear and tension drain out of her, Kara half dozed as she waited for Mala to return. It wasn’t long before she did, carrying in a bowl of steaming water and a clean set of clothes, which she set down on a stool at the end of the bed.

 

           “I’ll be back with food shortly,” she said, and Kara hoarsely thanked her.

 

           Climbing unsteadily off the bed, Kara walked over to the stool and started stripping off her sodden clothes. She leant heavily on the bunks as her legs felt wobbly beneath the weight of her body, but she managed to wash off all of the dirt that remained without collapsing. She quickly dried off and pulled on a pair of worn legging and a coarsely woven blue shirt, toweling her hair dry as she sat back down on the edge of the bed. She ached everywhere, but her stomach felt hollow so she stayed awake as she waited for the food, listening to the muttered conversation happening outside the room.

 

           “All I’m saying, Mala, is that she doesn’t _look_ like the Queen. I saw her on the battlefield when I was outside Argo City; she did not look like that,” a deep voice argued.

 

           “It’s true,” said another woman, “she was said to hair beautiful long, golden hair, and was fair of face as well. This girl … she looks like she’s got one foot in the grave.”

 

           A sharp shushing sound silenced their conversation, and Kara could just make out Mala’s voice as she replied. “The Queen gave herself up to the Daxamite woman; what do you _expect_ her to look like, hm? Gods know what they did to her over there. I’m surprised that her head is still attached to her shoulders. She has her family’s ring, and that is proof enough for me, so I’ll hear no more about it.”

 

           Kara was still staring at the door when Mala walked in with a wooden bowl and a water skin, handing them both off to Kara, who muttered her thanks. She fumbled with the spoon, picking it up in a shaking hand as she stirred the contents of the bowl. It was fish soup by the looks of things, and Kara’s mouth watered at the smell of it. She couldn’t remember eating anything so good in so long.

 

           She hesitated before eating though, looking up at the woman before her. “Why are you so sure I am who I say I am? Any fool with golden hair could fake a ring and pose as me.”

 

           “It is true, but none of them would hold themselves the way that you do … or look like you do.”

 

           Kara let out a surprised laugh, scooping up some of the soup and taking a hesitant bite. She swallowed and gave Mala a small smile, “do I really look that bad?”

 

           “I had nearly mistaken you for a corpse, Your Majesty,” she honestly replied, shrugging apologetically, and Kara let out a snort of laughter as she scooped up another spoonful of soup. “I shall leave you to rest, and make sure that you are not disturbed.”

 

           Bowing, the woman turned around, and Kara called after her as she reached the door. “Thank you, Mala.” Giving Kara another nod, she slipped out the door and left her alone.

 

           Quickly scraping her bowl clean, Kara drank the entire contents of the water skin, and feeling better than she had in ages, she pulled back the blankets and was asleep almost as soon as her head touched the pillow. With warm blankets and a soft mattress, Kara was all but dead to the world, and she didn’t even dream as she slept deeply.

 

\---

 

           Bolting upright in bed, Kara looked around with wild eyes as she scrambled back up the bed. The other woman stationed at the watchtower stopped mid-step, an apologetic look on her face as she looked over at Kara. “Forgive me, Your Majesty,” she murmured, bowing her head.

 

           Kara took a deep breath, running a hand through her hair as she nodded at the woman. Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Kara bent down for her boots and quickly laced them on before she climbed to her feet. She could feel the woman watching her as she made the bed with practiced ease – a familiar task from her years at the temple – and then Kara made for the door. It didn’t take her long to find Mala, who gave her a bow as she approached.

 

           “Our army is still outside Argo City, is it not?” Kara asked as soon as the polite greetings were out of the way, and Mala nodded in agreement. “Then I shall need as many of your birds as possible to send messages.”

 

           “I am afraid that we only have one carrier pigeon at the moment, Your Majesty,” Mala told her, “the rest were sent down the coast with news of the ships passing by.”

 

           Muttering curses, Kara nodded. “Then I shall need it, along with parchment and ink.”

 

           Kara’s orders were quickly obeyed, and she was soon pressing her ring into the wax sealing the message, leaving behind the imprint of an S. Tying the message to the leg of the pigeon, Kara said a silent prayer as she walked outside to set the bird free, hoping that it made it to the mountains in the cold weather that signaled the approaching winter.

 

           Walking back inside, Kara walked over to Mala again, who was eating with the other soldiers. “I shall be leaving now.”

 

           “So soon, Your Majesty? Should you not rest longer?” Mala asked, her eyebrows furrowing in concern.

 

           “I shall have time enough for rest once this war is over,” Kara said, “do you have horses here?”

 

           “There is one for the case of emergencies,” Mala told her, “it shall be saddled at once. I will have supplies scrounged up for you too.”

 

           Kara thanked her, and within fifteen minutes she was outside, wearing a warm tunic and thick cloak to keep the wind out, and an old sword was belted around her waist in case she ran into trouble on the road south. The horse stood nearby, laden down with supplied and impatiently scuffing the grass and tossing its mane as it waited for Kara to mount it. She thanked Mala once more, truly grateful for her rescuing her, and Kara climbed into the saddle.

 

           With a nod to the gathered soldiers, Kara urged the horse forwards, and was soon flying across fields of brown wheat and barley, the last crops to be harvested before winter came and froze everything. The bracing winds that buffeted Kara kept her awake as she clung to the reins clutched tightly in her hands, and Kara felt her legs begin to chafe at the unaccustomed feeling of riding a horse; it had been months since she’d sat upon a saddle, and she knew that tonight her thighs would be raw and she would be walking with some difficulty. At least she would sleep well though.

 

\---

 

           She rode for two weeks, passing by signs of long abandoned war camps and battlefields, which grew more frequent the further south she went. Kara's strength returned to her as she feasted of whatever she could catch with the snares that Maggie had taught her, or with whatever she could beg from villagers whenever she reached a town. Even sleeping beneath the stars on the open fields was enough to hearten her, and the smell of rain and plants was more comforting to Kara than she had ever imagined; she never wanted to see blistering sands and sweltering heats ever again.

 

           The further south she rode, the more anxious Kara found herself growing, and more impatient too. Judging from the turning of the seasons, she had been gone almost six months, which was shocking to her, and winter would soon be underway. The war had been going on for almost a year. The realisation at how long it had been made Kara grit her teeth and urge the horse on faster and faster. The sooner she made it to her army, the sooner the war would finally be over. She had a plan. She was going to right the wrongs she had made, and she was going to go back to her castle and sit herself down on her throne and never leave it again. First she just had to win the war though.

 

           It wasn't until the end of the second week that Kara saw the small lump along the horizon, and a smile broke out across her face as she took in the sprawling mass of tents as she looked upon her army. She had made it. She was one step closer to home. With an affectionate pat on the horse's neck, Kara urged it onwards, her shoulders sagging with relief as she watched the tiny tents grow larger as she approached.

 

           She had made it.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, thank you for all the comments and for reading this. I really do appreciate it a lot.

           By the time Kara had neared the camp, the sun was sinking below the horizon and the colourful banners with the sigils of the houses in her kingdom flapped in the blustery wind. As the sky was painted red, and the first stars peeked out from between heavy clouds, Kara wearily urged her horse as she clung to the back of it with all of her strength. She had pushed herself and the horse as hard as she dared over the past two weeks, and now that she was nearing her destination, she felt exhaustion wash over her, and she struggled to keep her eyes open as she swayed slightly on the back of the horse.

 

           Plodding towards the first row of tents, Kara was met with the shouts of soldiers as they leveled spears at her and pulled back bowstrings, ready to kill her if she turned out to be an enemy. “Halt!” a woman barked, and Kara came to a stop, sliding off the horse and stumbling as her knees threatened to buckle beneath her weight. Lifting her arms up, Kara shuffled towards them.

 

           “I-I need to see whoever’s in charge,” Kara told them, slowly reaching to pull her hood down. None of the soldiers reacted to her appearance, and Kara knew that she was unrecognisable compared to how she looked on the battlefield – if they had even seen her on it. Giving Kara a suspicious look, the woman jerked her head at the soldier next to her, who carefully lowered his bow and un-knocked his arrow. He ran off through the camp, and Kara let out a small huff of frustration at being kept waiting, but she knew that no one would believe her except those who knew her. The soldiers wouldn’t risk an enemy slipping into the camp.

 

           They surrounded Kara on all sides, and she got a stern warning off the woman in charge to stay put or she would find herself on the end of their spears. One of them had even been ordered to take Kara’s weapon, and she’d willingly let the woman unsheathe the sword and toss it aside. No one spoke as they waited, the soldiers tense as they stood on alert and Kara swaying slightly on her feet. She had held it together just long enough to make it here, scraping up every scrap of energy she could, but now she felt like she was going to pass out at any moment.

 

           And then the soldier was returning, and behind him was Alex, striding towards them in her dented armour with her swords strapped across her back. Her forehead was furrowed and she looked tired, but otherwise she looked fine, and her eyes widened and her mouth fell open when she glanced at Kara. Kara didn’t even think, she just let out a wordless shout and brushed past the surprised guards as she launched herself at her sister. “Alex!” Kara cried out, her voice cracking as she tripped over her feet in her rush to get to her.

 

           Throwing her arms around Alex’s neck, Kara buried her face in the crook between her neck and shoulder, letting out a broken sob as her legs buckled beneath her. Alex had caught her though, and she held Kara tightly as she lowered them to the ground. “Kara! Oh Gods, Kara, it’s really you,” Alex cried, her voice thick as she buried her face into Kara’s hair and cried.

 

           At the comforting sound of her sister’s voice, Kara cried even harder, her shoulders shaking as her entire body was wracked with sobs. She couldn’t stop herself, and she just limply lay in Alex’s arms, feeling the weight of the past six month’s crash down on her as she felt safe for the first time since she’d been taken by Rhea. Alex’s soothing words that she choked out between sobs became indistinguishable to Kara as she became unaware of her surroundings. All she knew was that she was safe. She was safe with Alex.

 

\---

 

           Kara opened her eyes to the blank ceiling of her tent, jerking awake at the sound of a large crash. Her heart was beating rapidly, and Kara lay there for a few moments, feeling her heart rate slow as she sucked in deep breaths, feeling the soft mattress beneath her and the thick furs covering her. Her bones felt leaden as she lay in bed, blinking slowly as she tried to get her bearings. She didn’t remember being carried to her tent – she didn’t remember anything except Alex holding her while she cried – and Kara was disoriented.

 

           Sitting up slowly, Kara’s gaze fell on Alex, who was sat beside the bed with her head on the mattress while she slept. At Kara’s movement, she slowly roused herself and frowned as she rubbed at her tired eyes. The overwhelming urge to cry swept over Kara again, and she let out a breathless sob as Alex met her gaze, her expression softening as she realized that Kara was awake. “Alex,” Kara choked out, feeling more relieved than she could ever remember being.

 

           Alex didn’t say anything, she just wrapped Kara in a tight hug, holding her close for a few moments. Then Kara started crying again – she couldn’t stop herself – and Alex made gentle hushing sounds as she pushed Kara over and climbed onto the bed next to her, letting Kara cry into her shoulder. “You’re okay, sister, you’re safe. You’re okay,” Alex murmured, stroking Kara’s hair all the while.

 

           Eventually she managed to get herself under control again, and aside from her breathing hitching every now and again, Kara was silent as she collected her thoughts. Her emotions were all over the place; she was relieved, tired, happy and scared, but most of all she felt safe. “H-how long have I been out?”

 

           “Almost a day,” Alex said, brushing Kara’s hair out of her face and picking up a lock of it as she frowned at the short length of it. “You needed your rest, and we’ve been holding our own with the siege. I-I tried to come for you, I did, but we weren’t- … forgive me, sister.”

 

           “There is nothing to forgive, for I hoped that you wouldn’t,” Kara told her, giving her a wobbly smile. “Th-the siege … I heard that Rhea was locked inside the city.”

 

           Alex hesitated, silently debating whether or not now was a good time to fill Kara in on everything she had missed. “She is.”

 

           “Is Lena safe?” Kara asked, tilting her head to look up at Alex, fear taking hold of her heart, because the first thing she’d realized was that Lena wasn’t there, and if she was in the camp, she would’ve been there.

 

           “She’s back in Kandor. After you … well, she was inconsolable. It was the full moon when y-you were taken, the soldiers had thought her struck with lunacy. She was … _mad_ with heartbreak, I’m surprised that no one figured it out. You had ordered her to return home a dozen times, and after you _left_ she listened. I sent Winn with her to keep her safe for you, and Streaky.”

 

           Kara let out a relieved sigh, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders, even though the thought of being parted from her for even longer made Kara’s heart twinge as it ached. “Thank you, sister.”

 

           “Kara … did she … Rhea is her mother,” Alex hesitantly said, “how did she- was it Lena? Sh-she was distraught, and she kept blaming herself for not stopping you. Did she …”

 

           Sitting up, Kara swung her legs over the side of the bed, running a hand through her hair. She didn’t look at Alex, because she didn’t want to lie to her face and see the look of suspicion in her eyes; Kara had never been a great liar. “I-I gave myself over to Rhea, it was _my_ decision. I made Lena come so that she could tell you everything that happened. She … she didn’t want to let me go.” A lump formed in her throat as she thought back to that night, and it still hurt to think of how Lena had screamed and begged as she cried. Turning to look at Alex, who nodded in acceptance of Kara’s words, she tilted her head to the side as she saw a hesitant look in Alex’s eyes. “What have I missed, sister?”

 

           “You should rest some more before concerning yourself with what you’ve missed,” Alex gently told her, a look of concern in her eyes as they roamed over Kara’s face.

 

           Kara let out a quick laugh, “do I truly look that bad?”

 

           Alex cracked a smile, brushing Kara’s hair out of her face, “you look like you’ve crawled through the underworld.”

 

           Looking down at her hands, Kara fiddled with the frayed end of her shirt with shaking fingers. A lump formed in her throat and her eyes prickled as she tried to hold back tears again – she didn’t want to think about Daxam just yet. Alex laid a gentle hand on Kara’s shoulder, quickly removing it when her sister jumped in fright, and then reaching out more slowly the next time. Realising that Kara needed something to take her mind off what she’d been through, Alex started to tell her what she’d missed.

 

           “When Rhea returned, she was let back into Argo City, and she took Lady Ursa’s life. She had kept her prisoner for long enough, and whatever happened while Rhea was … gone, well, she came back with a vengeance. Most of the lords and ladies that were held prisoner in Argo City were put to the sword … along with the citizens. That’s when we launched our attack. We had thought to distract the soldiers from slaughtering innocents, and the city has been under siege ever since.”

 

           Kara opened and closed her mouth in shock as she took in the words. “But h-how did Rhea get back in? Kal’s had our fleet blocking the harbor since the beginning of the war.”

 

           Alex gave her a pained look, a sad look in her eyes as she gave Kara’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I am sorry, sister, but your cousin fell during the attack. Zod … he sounded a challenge and set all the ships in the harbor to attack, and Kal … he met him head on with all of our navy. H-he fell at Zod’s hand, and he took him out with him. I am so sorry.”

 

           The muscles in Kara’s jaw worked as she blinked back tears. Kal was the only other surviving member of the House of El, and Kara felt the sharp pain of loss in her chest. Her thoughts strayed to Lois, and how she widowed now, and Kara winced at the memory of them saying they had hoped to make their house grow. Instead, Kara had led them to shrink in number, and she couldn’t help but blame herself as she felt grief well up inside her.

 

           “Your aunt has taken control of the fleet now, and your uncle is with her. We still have the harbor blocked, but they were not quick enough to stop Rhea from slipping in during in the chaos. I have assumed the position of General here, alongside Lady Luthor,” Alex explained, and Kara nodded. She knew that between Alex and Lillian, they would win the siege, for they were both logical and skilled tacticians, and well versed in war by now. She wasn’t going to let it go on for much longer though, and if her carrier pigeon had managed to do its job, she would only need to wait a few more weeks, or two months at the most.

 

           Sighing, Kara slipped off the bed, reaching down for her boots, but Alex reached out to touch her on the shoulder. “You should rest some more, sister. I shall fetch you some food and drink, and anything else you should need.”

 

           “I need to meet with whoever I have left to plan with,” Kara said.

 

           Alex let out a soft sigh as she pressed her lips into a grim line. “I would see you recover some more before you throw yourself back into war, sister.”

 

           “I wish to discuss a way so that it won’t be necessary _for_ me to throw myself back into war,” Kara told her, sounding exasperated. “I have sent word to Cair for J’onn to come with as many assassins as he can muster as quickly as possible. He should be here within weeks and I would have my plan ready for his arrival.”

 

           With a small smile, Alex nodded, “then you will be happy to know that I already summoned him while you were gone. He is here within the camp, with M’gann and half a dozen of our old comrades. Rest tonight, and I will have everyone assembled at first light so that you may share whatever plan you have concocted on your way here.”

 

           With a hesitant nod, Kara lowered herself back down onto the bed, watching as Alex disappeared through the tent flaps and left her alone. It was dark outside, and the wind buffeted the tent, but Kara was warm as she burrowed into her furs and listened to the sound of soldiers returning to camp. It was a familiar sound, and Kara took small comfort in the sounds of war as armour clanked and horses whinnied. She hated the war, but in the months that she’d been locked in a dark cell, the sounds were a welcome reassurance that she was far away from the place.

 

\---

 

           A plate piled high with sausages and thick slices of bacon was perched on Kara’s lap, and she had to force herself to eat slowly before she made herself sick. She took a small bite out of the bread she was holding and listened as Alex spoke, trying to focus on the words rather than how good the food tasted. She had come back with food, as promised, and then had proceeded to answer all of Kara’s questions, mostly to placate her and keep her in bed.

 

           They didn’t talk about what had happened to Kara, but it hung unspoken between them that Kara had not been treated kindly by her captors. More than once Kara caught Alex looking at her with concern in her eyes, but also a flicker of happiness as she looked at her sister, safely back in the confines of their camp.

 

           Eventually though, Kara grew restless, and she ached to get up and do something. She knew that she was weak, and tired even though she’d slept for almost a day, and she didn’t dare risk getting out of bed. Alex would strap her down if she so much as let her feet touch the ground. Taking a bite out of the bacon, Kara let out a satisfied sigh, and a part of her couldn’t believe that she was back. It would take some time to get used to it.

 

           “Alex, you’ve been well while I’ve been … gone?” Kara asked after her questions about the war had run dry.

 

           “ _Me?!_ I should be asking you how you’ve been,” Alex said, a hysterical laugh falling past her lips. “I have been a wreck since you were gone. It killed me to know that I’d let you slip past my fingers. We reached the beach just a little too late to stop you from being taken on their boats.”

 

           Kara gave her the barest hint of a smile, “I’m glad that you weren’t able to come.”

 

           “Kara-“

 

           “It was as I ordered,” Kara firmly told her, “I had to do it.”

 

           Alex’s jaw tightened as she clenched her teeth, and her knuckles turned white as she clenched her hands into fists. She was angry. “You didn’t _have_ to do it. The war hasn’t changed while you’ve been gone, sister. Losing you did not help in the slightest. What in the God’s names were you _thinking_?”

 

           Letting out a weary sigh, Kara set her plate of food aside and wiped her greasy hands on the bottom of her shirt. “I-I have brought ruin upon us, Alex. It wasn’t my intention to, but the love I bear for Lena … it was the cause of this. I can’t bring myself to regret loving her, and I don’t even regret starting a war over it. What I do regret is that thousands have died for it … I don’t think I shall ever get rid of the guilt for it. I offered myself up as penance for my actions.”

 

           “Penance?” Alex snapped, “and did the Gods give you absolution while you were gone?”

 

           “I-I had time to think while I was … gone. I have more time gone than I did as Queen, Alex. I haven’t been a good ruler – I made stupid, rash decisions with my heart. People have died _because_ of that, and I know that giving myself up won’t bring them back, but … I would have died if it meant that the war ended. I have been foolish and ignored the council of many of my advisors – yourself included – and my childishness and incompetence has put us here. All I can do now is try to be better. A better ruler, a better listener, and better at making decisions.”

 

           At the weariness in Kara’s voice, Alex’s anger seemed to fade, and her voice was gentle as she reached forward to take Kara’s hand in her own and give it a small squeeze. “You are not to blame for this. You didn’t ask for war, and you didn’t ask to fall in love. Although, you _are_ right on some things, and you would do well to listen to what you have realized while you’ve been gone. Do you- ah, um, are you to say that your decisions made with your heart … they no longer stand?”

 

           Kara quickly looked up at Alex, her eyes looking almost panicked at the suggestion behind Alex’s question. “No. I could never set her aside. I only mean that I should have been open from the beginning, and made my feelings towards her publically known. Perhaps things would have turned out different if we had not been forced to keep it secret out of fear of what would be said. I know that she is still married, but if I had made it known … perhaps Rhea would have been able to understand that I loved her daughter and not her son. Perhaps I would not have had to give myself up.”

 

           “I don’t … I do not think it would have made a difference, sister. You know as much as I do that she is not Lena’s mother,” Alex quietly said. “And now … I would advise you to keep silent a while longer. Until you return home and speak to her. I know that your feelings have not changed with all that has happened … but still.”

 

           “Of course,” Kara quickly agreed, “there is much I need to talk to her about.”

 

           Alex nodded, biting her lip for a moment as she frowned slightly. “Kara?”

 

           “Mm?”

 

           “Never do that again,” Alex said, her voice shaking slightly as she met Kara’s gaze. She was surprised to see that Alex’s eyes were shining with unshed tears, and Kara realized that she had genuinely believed that she would never see her sister again. Kara had been consumed with the thought of escaping, had clung to the hope while in the cell, all the while Alex had been desperately fighting to try and get ship to sail for her with no luck. She would have hated herself for not being able to save her sister, and Kara suspected that she had probably thought that Kara was dead, or would have soon been. “Do you hear me, Kara?”

 

           “I hear you,” Kara murmured, a feeling of guilt welling up inside her, “I promise that I won’t.”

 

           “Good,” Alex said, picking up the plate of food and sitting back down as she picked at the leftovers. “Now, get some rest.”

 

           Pulling back the furs and blankets, Kara lay down and pulled them up to her chin as she settled down on her pillow. She hesitated for a moment, pushing herself up slightly to look at Alex as she extinguished all but one of the candles, plunging the tent into semi-darkness. “Alex? Can you- w-will you stay?”

 

           “I’m not going anywhere,” Alex said, giving her a small smile as she picked at the food. Feeling relieved, Kara letting out a shaky breath as she relaxed against her pillow and let her eyelids flutter closed. The muffled sounds of the camp were a comfort to Kara, and she felt calm as she waited for sleep to come. Even after all the sleep she’d gotten, it didn’t take long for her to drift away into a deep, dreamless sleep, feeling comforted by the knowledge that Alex was with her.

 

           She was safe.


	37. Chapter 37

            Kara woke late again the next day, the sun already past its highest peak, and she turned her head towards the sound of voices, finding Alex with her head poked outside, talking to whoever was on the other side. It sounded like Maggie. Pushing herself up, Kara yawned widely, rubbing her eyes as she fully woke up.

 

            “Good morning,” Alex softly said, and Kara blearily looked up at her, giving her a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Well, afternoon.”

 

            “I don’t think I’ve ever slept so much in all my life,” Kara said as she stretched.

 

            “You need your rest,” Alex said, taking a seat on the stool beside Kara’s cot.

 

            Throwing the blankets off her, Kara swung her legs over the side of the bed and ran a hand through her hair. “What were you and Maggie discussing?”

 

            “She was telling me that one of our trebuchets has broken, but it is fixable.”

 

            “Do not worry about fixing it,” Kara said, and Alex raised her eyebrows. “I would have that meeting now.”

 

            Alex made a small sound of disapproval at the back of her throat, a small crease forming between her eyebrows as she gave Kara a concerned look. “Should you not rest longer?”

 

            “I have spent months cooped up inside, sister. I can assure you that twiddling my thumbs is the last thing I want to do,” Kara said, and at Alex’s frustrated sigh, Kara let out her own sigh. “But, if it will appease you, we may hold the meeting in here and I shall stay put in bed.”

 

            Rolling her eyes, Alex gave her a small smile. “Who would you like me to summon for you?”

 

            After giving her a list of names, Alex poked her head outside and relayed them to a nearby soldier, who ran off to fetch everyone that Kara had asked for. Soon enough, Kara and Alex were joined by Maggie, who bowed and murmured some words of her relief to have her Queen back. Kara just nodded in reply, watching as Maggie’s wide eyes darted to Alex’s face with concern. Next came James and Jack, who both bowed low and made their own comments about the good fortune of Kara’s return, and how she truly must be blessed by Rao. J’onn was next to arrive, and he hadn’t seen Kara in over a year, not since she’d retrieved the god sword, and if he was surprised by her appearance, he hid it well. Reign slipped in, looking as fierce as always in her leather and fur armour, and she gave her old friend a quick smile. Lastly came Lillian, and she knelt before Kara, paying her respects, before she met her gaze and gave her a strange look. Kara couldn’t understand it, and she just nodded her head for Lillian to rise to her feet.

 

            She scanned the faces of everyone gathered before her, feeling a twinge of disappointment that Astra was stuck on a ship with no way of making it back to shore to come to the meeting. The absence of Lena also stung deeply, but not because of the strategic input she could’ve given to Kara’s plan, but because Kara desperately missed the sight of her. She had dreamt of her smile and her eyes and the sound of her laugh, over and over again in prison and on the ship, and even when she’d travelled from the watch tower. The quicker the plan was put into motion, the better.

 

            “Thank you for coming,” Kara said, her voice slightly hoarse as she spoke, “I would also like to thank you for all that you have done in my absence. I am grateful to know that your loyalty to your kingdom is unwavering.”

 

            “To you as well, Your Majesty,” James said, bowing his head. A small smile curled the corners of Kara’s lips at his words, and she gave him a grateful nod.

 

            Taking a deep breath, Kara looked at each face in turn again. “I would have this war end. Tonight.”

 

 _“Tonight?”_ Alex echoed, sounding surprised.

 

            “Yes, sister, tonight,” Kara said, a determined look on her face. “As soon as the sky is black, I would have us strike. We must move quickly to plan our attack, for there will be no moon tonight and if we do not do it tonight, I fear that we will lose our best chance to do it in secret. I had thought to do it at the next moonless night, once Cadmus had arrived, but you had already brought them here, so we may as well move ahead with the plan as quickly as possible and save as many of our soldiers as we can.”

 

            Lillian cleared her throat slightly, and Kara raised her eyebrows in question, waiting for her to speak her mind. “What is the plan you propose, Your Majesty?”

 

            “I had heard that Argo City was under siege while I was gone, and so it would make little difference to attack the city as you have been doing. I would not have risked this before because of the high chance that innocents may die during the attack, but Rhea has already but them to the sword, so it is a risk we shall have to take. I would have our armies attack on all three sides, keeping Rhea’s armies within the walls busy while a select group scales the cliff side from a little ways north, and then climbs the walls of the castle. They will know that we cannot breach the walls from the western side because we cannot take the harbor with their ships in the way. I would have a bird sent to my aunt to tell her to attack their ships while the attack is pressed from the other three walls. Those scaling the walls will stick to the north-western tower, so as to stay as hidden as possible in case soldiers patrolling the walls may spot them. Their task will be to sneak through the castle and find Rhea, where she will be executed.”

 

            “Forgive me, Your Majesty,” Lillian said as everyone else stood silently, “but how do you suggest we end this war? Will her son not come and seek revenge? I fear that if he seeks revenge, they will not stop until they have your kingdom in their possession.”

 

            Kara fought back the urge to laugh, giving Lillian a lopsided smile as she looked at her. “He will not come.”

 

            “How can you be so certain?”

 

            “Because I killed him,” Kara simply told her, her voice flat as she shrugged slightly.

 

            Alex let out a sound of surprise, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to scramble for something to say. “Y-you _killed_ him?”

 

            “Yes.”

 

            “Then you will ask for their surrender?” J’onn asked, crossing his arms over his chest as he ran over the plan that Kara proposed in his head, while everyone else stood in stunned silence.

 

            “No, I will  _command_ it.”

 

            Everyone glanced at each other, and Kara patiently waited for them to agree to it. She was going to carry out the plan whether or not they all agreed, but she was hoping that they would all help her do it. An unspoken agreement was made between them all, and after a glance at Lillian, Alex turned to face her sister, giving her a firm nod.

 

            “We are with you, sister. I would ask that you let me be a part of the group to scale the walls, for you know that I can do it.”

 

            “I would have no one else by my side,” Kara assured her, and Alex’s face quickly arranged itself into a frown, as well as everyone else’s. She knew that no one would be willing to risk her going, and Kara sighed as everyone started talking over one another, trying to plead their case for her to not go, but Kara held up a hand, silencing them all with a look. “I will go, and I will chop the head off the snake myself. It is not a request; I will do it whether it pleases you or not. I would also have Cadmus join me, for we are all skilled climbers to have made it to Cair.”

 

            J’onn bowed his head in silent agreement, and Kara was relieved to have his approval, for she knew her old master was a skilled tactician and a logical thinker. If he supported it, she knew that he would see it done, no matter what the cost.

 

            “Lillian, you will be in charge of the main assault on the front wall and gate, and Reign, you shall bring your horsemen to the front in case they open the gates and send out their own cavalry; James and Jack, each of you will take the north and south wall and launch your own attacks; Maggie, I would have you take your rangers and pick off as many archers along the walls as possible. Sister, you and I will be with Cadmus then. Is everyone clear on their plan?”

 

            With the sounds of agreement, Kara sighed in relief, although a feeling of worry grew inside her at the prospect of carrying out the plan. She knew that it would be better for her to stay behind, and to let them do the job for her, as any other ruler would, but Kara would be the one to deal the killing blow to Rhea, and to end this war once and for all. With everyone else’s agreement, it made Kara feel more validated though, and she knew that they would all do what was necessary.

 

            They spent the next few hours readying themselves for their attack, and Kara found her worry growing. At Alex’s insistence, Kara stayed in bed the entire time that everyone else planned in the command pavilion, for if Kara wanted to come with them, she would need every ounce of her strength. The look of worry on her sister’s face made Kara less inclined to argue, and so she stole a couple of hours of sleep and spent the rest of the time lounging on her cot while she ate and thought of Lena. She would come back to her soon enough. This was it; the end.

 

\---

 

            Night fell, and once it was truly dark outside, Kara got changed into the black leather clothes that Alex had brought her to help her stay hidden in the dark. She tied her short hair back too, covering it with the hood of the jacket, and tied a black piece of cloth around the lower half of her face. A sword would get in the way with her climbing, so Kara strapped a long knife to each thigh and then stepped out of her tent.

 

            The cold wind was bracing, and she fought back shivers as waited for everyone to assemble around the campfire. It didn’t take long, and soon enough all of the assassins accompanying her all appeared like wraiths out of the dark of the night. Everyone was dressed identically in black, and stood to attention as they came before Kara. A few moments later, Lillian showed up, dressed in her armour and looking ready for blood as put a fist to her chest and bowed her head to Kara.

 

            “Everything is in place?” Kara asked her, and Lillian nodded.

 

            “Lord’s Spheer and Olsen are ready to attack at your command, as are my forces, Your Majesty,” Lillian told her, and Kara nodded.

 

            “Then see it done.”

 

            Bowing again, Lillian turned and walked off through the camp, and Kara’s gaze turned to Alex, who, in a rare display of public affection, gave Maggie a brief kiss, and then turned to Kara. Maggie nodded to her and slipped off through the tents to join her rangers, leaving only those who were accompanying Kara standing around the fire.

 

            “Let us be off,” Kara ordered, and everyone quickly slipped through the tents. As Kara passed by one of the hooded assassin’s, she did a double-take when she realized that she knew those eyes, and remembered Alex telling her that she’d come. “M’gann!”

 

            “Your Majesty,” M’gann murmured, dipping her head.

 

            “I had not thought to see you here, and was surprised when my sister told me you’d come,” Kara said, giving her a small smile. “I am glad that you have though.”

 

            M’gann’s eyes crinkled at the corners, and Kara assumed that she was returning the smile. “As am I, Your Majesty. I would like to play my part in ending this war so that we may all return to our homes.” Kara nodded in agreement, and they fell silent as they carried on walking with the rest of the group.

 

            It took the better part of an hour for them to make it far enough away from Argo City so that they could angle towards the cliffs without being seen, and Kara’s breathing was a bit faster than everyone else’s once they came to a stop on the grassy edge, overlooking the thin sandy strip and rolling waves below. They doubled back towards the city, trying to get as close as possible so that they wouldn’t tire themselves out once they had to start scaling the rocky cliff face or the castle walls, and soon enough they could make out the small flickering torches lining the top of the ramparts. One by one, the assassins all lowered themselves over the lip of the cliff, their gloved hands and booted feet scrambling for purchase on the stone. It was slow going, and they all had to rely on their senses, honed from training in the dark, to creep along the cliffs.

 

            By the time they were below the north-western tower, Kara’s arms were shaking, and her fingertips felt raw, even through the leather of the gloves, which was being worn away by the jagged rocks biting into her hands. Taking a deep breath, Kara cast her gaze upwards, the top of the wall seeming so far away as Kara sucked in a deep breath to steady herself. Her muscles aching in protest, Kara hauled herself upwards, finding handholds in the gaps between the huge bricks, and slowly made her way upwards. If she could make it up the sheer side of a volcano, with no handholds, to collect a sword, then she could make it to the top of the wall, even if she was still weak. She had to do this herself.

 

            It took all the strength she had to do it, but she did make it to the top eventually, after almost losing her grip a few times as her arms threatened to give out. Only the thought of making it home to Lena kept Kara going, and she stubbornly refused to let go of the wall, clinging to the side of it like a leech. Alex hauled her up the last few feet, having made it to the top first and quietly taken out the two soldiers stood nearby, and Kara collapsed to her knees as soon as Alex let her go.

 

            “You should not have come,” Alex hissed, trying to keep her voice down as she crouched down next to Kara, who was shaking with the effort of trying to stand. “I will do this for you, sister.”

 

            “No, I _must_ do it,” Kara murmured, her words punctuated with gasps as she caught her breath. “I am fine, sister. I just need to catch my breath a moment. After this is done, I will let you strap me down in the back of a wagon if it pleases you.” Alex let out a quiet laugh, giving Kara’s ribs a gentle prod as she helped her to her feet.

 

            The other members of Cadmus were all hauling themselves over the edge of the ramparts, and at a nod from Kara, they all melted into the shadows like wraiths. They would prowl the walls and take down any soldiers they saw along the way, before making their way towards the keep in the middle of the city, leaving a clear path for Kara and Alex to get to Rhea. Pulling both of the knives out of the sheathes, Kara gripped them firmly in her hands and followed after Alex as they entered the watchtower and descended through it, finding it empty as all the soldiers would be on the walls or in the courtyard, waiting for the gates to be breached.

 

            Moving through the city, Kara grit her teeth at the signs of destruction that the Daxamite’s had brought upon it. They kept to the shadows so that they wouldn’t be spotted, but Kara could see bloodstains or rubble from ruined buildings and statues in the parts of the city that were illuminated. Windows and doors were boarded up, and from behind some of them, she could hear hushed voices of scared citizens that had locked themselves away in the hope that they would be able to survive the slaughter that their enemies brought upon them. Some hadn’t been so lucky, and Kara spotted dead bodies littering street corners, and other hanging from gallows that were constructed, their bodies unburnt so that they couldn’t join Rao’s halls.

 

            Slipping down allies and staying out of sight of the occasional guard running past, Alex and Kara soon made it to the walls of the keep, and Kara felt sick at the sight of Lady Ursa’s head on a spike, along with others belonging to various lords and ladies that Kara knew from her coronation, as well as from when she would visit Argo City as a child. Rhea would pay for the loss of every Kryptonian, and Kara would take some small satisfaction from that, if not from the kill. She had seen enough of war and death, and she bore the weight of every kill she’d ever made weighing her down. Never had she felt any joy in killing, and even after suffering at Rhea’s hand, Kara still wouldn’t find any joy in it, but it would satisfy her to know that everyone’s death had been avenged, even if a small part of her felt guilty that she had brought death to just as many as Rhea had.

 

            Pushing aside thoughts of justice and revenge, Kara hung back in the shadows with Alex, who let out a bird call that she’d learnt from Maggie. It was quiet, but it carried over the distant sounds of battle as trebuchets launched bricks and burning balls of fire over the city walls, and the Daxamites launched rubble back with small catapults. They didn’t have to wait long, and a similar bird call floated back towards them. On top of the walls of the keep, Kara could see movement, even though she couldn’t distinguish the shape from the black of the night sky. It was one of the assassins though, and a rope was quickly lowered over the side of the wall. Alex made Kara make a run for it first, and she sheathed her knives before running across the empty courtyard. Quickly, Kara pulled herself up, hand over hand, using her feet to give herself some grip. Soon enough she was on top of the wall, peering over the edge as she watched Alex dash for the rope and grab it. As soon as her hands fell on it, a shout came from behind her as four soldiers burst into the courtyard. One of them levelled a crossbow at Alex and a shout fell past Kara’s lips at the same time as the bolt was let loose.

 

            The faceless assassin next to her hadn’t hesitated at the sight of the soldiers though, and had jumped over the wall, grabbing onto the rope as they fell and swinging down to the ground, where they managed to kick Alex slightly to the right. The bolt buried itself in Alex’s shoulder instead of her chest, and she let out a cry of pain as she stumbled backwards. Whoever the assassin was, they didn’t hesitate as they let go of the rope and dashed towards the four soldiers, pulling out two knives as they stalked towards their prey, shouting at Alex to go as they did so. Not needing to be told twice, Alex grabbed hold of the rope, letting out a groan of pain through clenched teeth as the crossbow bolt in her shoulder shifted as she tried to climb. Kara quickly grabbed at the rope and braced herself against the rampart with her foot as she slowly hauled her sister upwards.

 

            By the time that she pulled Alex to the top, Kara felt exhausted, and she was breathing heavily as she helped Alex over the top. Her hands nervously fluttered around the end of the feathered shaft buried deep in Alex’s shoulder, and Kara felt her heart speed up as she started to panic.

 

            “I’m fine, Kara,” Alex told her, stumbling over the words as she bit back groans of pain. “We need to move, now.”

 

            Kara’s face was white beneath her hood and mask, and her eyes were wide and frightened, but she nodded and turned. Setting off along the walls as fast as she could on her shaking legs, Kara pulled open the door of the tower in the corner, and they both made their way down to the bottom floor, finding themselves in the courtyard before the gates of the castle. Another assassin was stood in the shadows by a side door used for servants, and they let out the bird call to signal them over.

 

            Rushing over, Kara didn’t stop as she pushed through the small wooden door, finding herself within the dark hallway. She hesitated as she looked back for Alex, who was rushing after her with one hand clamped down on her shoulder. “Go!” Alex shouted, “I’m right behind you.”

 

            Kara grit her teeth and hurried down the hallway, her lungs burning as she pushed herself as hard as she could. Up and up she went, because she knew that Rhea would have cowardly hidden herself at the top of the castle, as far away from the fighting as possible. Cadmus had done their job well, and as Kara ran through the hallways, she passed dead soldiers or assassins locked in battle with them, but she just kept on moving.

 

            She had been right, for when Kara reached the small tower at the very top of the castle, the place where she had come to stargaze as a child while Astra taught her the names of them, Rhea was stood, bracing herself against the pillars of the huge arch as she looked out upon the burning city.

 

            “It’s over, Rhea,” Kara said, slipping out both of her knives as she took a careful step forward. “Let us end this now.”

 

            “How-“ Rhea asked, whirling around as her mouth fell open at the sight of Kara.

 

            “Your son is dead,” Kara bluntly told her, and Rhea let out a small sound of pain, clutching a hand to her chest. “I killed him myself. No one will avenge your death now. Hand yourself over and I will make it quick and painless.”

 

            The pain on Rhea’s face quickly turned into a mask of cruel anger, and she drew out her sword as Kara stood across from her. “Oh, little Kara, do you really think you have won? You might kill me, but you have lost everything in the process. Your true love? She doesn’t love you. She _betrayed_ you, whatever else you think. She never loved you – it was all an act. My dearest daughter has been loyal to me from the moment she was born, and how she laughed to me about your pitiful attempts to win her heart. Stringing you along only made the game all the more enticing for her, and she played her part well. A little too well I’d say, for you are still pathetically in love with her. It’s _sad_.”

 

            “Shut up!” Kara shouted, her voice cracking as she spoke, lifting her knives and adjusting her grip as she took a step forwards.

 

            “You think you have won, but you haven’t. What happens now? You kill me and you go back to her, ready to take her in your arms and love her again? Will you beg her to love you when you realize that she doesn’t return your feelings? What will you offer her to stay? Do you think it’ll all have been worth it once you’re sat on your throne before a kingdom that _hates_ you? With no family, and no friends, and no one to love you. They’re all dead, or they have turned their backs on you and lied to your face as they bowed and scraped before you. So go ahead, kill me. We both know you will not do it.” Rhea laughed as she tossed her sword aside, spreading her arms out wide as she waited for Kara to do it.

 

            Kara had her eyes squeezed shut, trying to shake off Rhea’s words as they burrowed down into the deepest parts of her mind. She’d heard words like these a thousand times in the dark cell of the dungeons as Rhea tormented her and taunted her with half-truths, spinning her lies as she tried to warp Kara’s mind. In some ways, she had succeeded, for Kara hesitated, unable to finish the task. She couldn’t kill her.

 

            “Sister,” Alex’s soft voice called out from behind her. Kara spun around, taking in Alex’s white face, drawn with pain as she lowered her hood and mask. “Do it. Finish what you came here to do. Put an end to this war.”

 

            “Come on, little Kara, do your duty. Your hands are stained red with all the lives you have taken, what does one more matter? Your Gods will curse you anyway, you may as well take another soul while you’re at it. Your hands are so dirty that even if she loved you back, you could not touch her without feeling all of the pain you have caused with them. All the blood that has been spilt by them. You are not worthy of her love. Do it, the kill is yours.”

 

            Trembling as she held the knives out towards Rhea, Kara felt her breathing accelerate. All of her fears were being fed by Rhea’s words, which Kara knew was her intention, but she couldn’t help but believe them. “Do not listen to her, Kara,” Alex’s firm voice came from behind her. “You know that Lena loves you. Do not let her words poison your mind with her lies. Listen to your heart, sister. Wherever your heart is, that is where you’ll find her. She holds it in her hands, and keeps you close to her own heart. You know I speak truly, sister. Cast aside her words, and finish this, or I shall do it for you, if it pleases you.”

 

            “No,” Kara choked out, and she walked forwards, raising one of the knives. Rhea’s eyes widened in fear, and Kara struck out with the knife. Rhea collapsed to the ground, and Kara turned to face Alex. “The kill does not belong to me.”

 

            Walking forwards, Alex helped Kara lift Rhea’s unconscious form up off the floor. A red welt was already forming at her temple where Kara had struck her with the pommel of her knife, and her eyes were rolled back into her head, only a small glimpse of the whites visible. Between the two of them, they dragged her through the castle, and out of the shadows, all of the assassins appeared, falling in behind their Queen as they marched out the front door of the castle, and then a few of their party ran ahead to unbar the gate, after stripping off the armour from a few dead soldiers so that they could blend in.

 

            As they waited in the courtyard, a bell started to toll from one of the towers on the corner of the keep. Kara didn’t have to look to know it was M’gann, who had gone to sound the signal for the Daxamite’s to fall back to the keep. The rest of the assassins ran through the city shouting the retreat too as they made their way towards the gates to open it as soon as the army retreated so that Reign could charge in with her horsemen. There was a chance that they wouldn’t make it in time, and that they would kill Kara on sight when they saw her with Rhea’s limp form on the floor before her, but it was a risk that Kara would have to take if she wanted things to end.

 

            It didn’t take long for the first of the Daxamite’s to come in through the gates, obeying what they thought was their Queen’s orders. The first few dozen of them burst through the gates, and stopped, bumping into each other as they took in the sight of Kara and a few assassins clustered around their Queen. More filed in, and Kara took a step forward, lowering her hood and her mask as she stared out at them.

 

            “I am Kara Zor-El, Queen of Krypton. Your King is dead, and I have his mother here. She will soon follow him. I will hear the terms of your surrender from whoever is next in line.”

 

            It was a few minutes of muttering and shuffling as the message was passed along. Eventually a young girl dark-haired, not much younger than Kara, walked forward, dressed in armour and with an air or arrogance around her that could only come from a noble upbringing. “I am Laurel Gand, niece of King Lar Gand, and cousin of King Mon-El. I am next in line to the throne of Daxam.”

 

            Kara nodded at the young girl, beckoning her forward. “My army rides in under a white banner, I hope that you will extend the same courtesy.”

 

            At a nod to one of her soldiers, the order rippled through the Daxmite’s, and Kara felt a small flicker of hope that they would be able to end this all here and now. “Let us talk of our truce,” the girl said, and Kara smiled slightly at the confident way she walked towards Kara. She brought one guard with her, and out of respect, Kara did the same, bringing Alex with her as she made her way into the castle.

 

            They didn’t go far, finding the nearest antechamber with a table and chairs. Wearily, Kara gratefully sank down into hers and ran a hand through her hair as she watched the girl across from her. She didn’t seem at all bothered by the fact that Kara held her aunt prisoner right outside, or that she would die soon, instead she just looked determined.

 

\---

 

            It took over an hour for them to hammer out the details of their truce, but eventually they did come to an agreement. Laurel would take her army and leave Krypton, and Kara would never return there, which she was all too quick to agree to. At Kara’s insistence, Laurel would also do away with the slave trade in Daxam, which the girl had begrudgingly agreed to. It had also been decided that they would have trade between their kingdoms once more, and Kara had been quick to label her enemy as an ally. She did not blame the kingdom, she blamed the corrupt rulers, and their new Queen’s readiness to correct the wrongs of her family made Kara inclined to trust her, just a little.

 

            At the end of their agreement, Kara pulled out a knife and slid it across her palm as she swore an oath to uphold her end of the truce, and then she passed it to Laurel, who repeated the vow. Neither of them would risk going against a sacred vow to the God’s, and so they felt slightly more at ease as they both walked out of the castle and stood before their armies. The tension in the air was palpable, and Kara turned to look at Laurel, holding out her arm. The other girl moved to clasp her forearm, and gave Kara a quick nod.

 

            “I hope this is the last we see of one another,” Laurel said, giving Kara a small smile.

 

            Kara let out a laugh, and nodded her head. “I would hope so too.”

 

            Without another word, Laurel dropped her arm and walked over to her army, taking a horse off a soldier and mounting it. She raised her hand in farewell, and Kara returned the gesture, watching as the horse cut a path through the army, which turned and started to file out. They had agreed on a week for the Daxamite’s to vacate the city, with Laurel leaving immediately to secure her seat on her throne. It was about time that Kara returned to Kandor to do the same.

 

            Kara turned to look at her sister, who was frighteningly pale as she clutched a rag to her shoulder to stem the blood. “Let us take our prisoner and tend to your wound, sister. I am tired.”

 

            Alex gave her a weary smile in agreement, reaching out to clasp Kara’s shoulder as she touched their forehead’s together for a moment. “Let us go home.”


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to withhold the supercorp reunion for just a little bit longer, but I hope this gives you enough hope until the next chapter, when they finally reunite.

           It was finally over. After a year of fighting, the war had come to a close, and everyone was all too willing to leave Argo City as quickly as possible. The night that she’d ended things, Kara had gone back to her tent and barely made it into bed before she passed out and, true to her word, once they’d left Argo City, she’d spent the first few weeks in the back of a covered wagon, resting and regaining her strength. It wasn’t so much physical strength, although she was still extremely thin and lacked the muscle that she’d gained from lugging around armour for hours on end, but she just felt so emotionally exhausted. She was safe though, and that was all that mattered, except now her mind had come to terms with it, and more than once on the way home, she had woken up in the back of the wagon, screaming and writhing around beneath her blankets. In the dark cell, she hadn’t had nightmares, because she was living that torture everyday, but her mind sometimes wasn’t up to speed, and Kara would dream that she was still there.

 

           Alex had barely left her side since she’d come back, and she had taken to riding in the back of the wagon with Kara occasionally, and slept beside her on the floor, just to make sure that Kara knew she was safe, as well as for her own peace of mind. Astra too was constantly on edge about Kara’s safety. After they had called a truce, and the Daxamite’s started to leave, Astra had docked her ship and made straight for her niece. Kara had been relieved to see her, and had to stop herself from bursting into tears at the sight of her family. She had suffered greatly, but now was the time to keep it together and be strong. She still had appearances to keep up.

 

           There was nothing she could do about the nightmares though, and it didn’t matter, because she wasn’t the only person within the army that woke up screaming. Late at night, the sounds of soldier’s yells could be heard throughout the army, and Kara heard them all as she lay awake, trying to avoid her own nightmares. It was during those late hours, when night blanketed the camp and the gentle pattering of rain striking the canvas of the covered wagon, that Kara thought about Lena. Or rather, she thought about Rhea’s words, and tried to ignore them by thinking about Lena. It was hard not to doubt her words – had Lena really been on Rhea’s side the whole time? Had she ever truly _loved_ Kara? Kara knew that Lena loved her in some capacity, but she was afraid that a few gentle kisses had meant nothing to her – but then Kara would push her doubts aside. Alex had said that Lena was mad with grief, and Kara had seen herself how Lena had screamed and cried and begged for Kara not to be taken, or even just to come with her, and Kara knew that she loved her. It was love that had put them there in the first place. In those long hours before dawn, Kara thought long and hard about Lena, and she hated to admit it, but she was afraid of what she would find when she got home.

 

           Still, she had Rhea in chains in the back of a caged wagon, and that counted for something. Kara hadn’t seen her since she’d turned her over to a group of trusted soldiers, and she had no desire too, but she knew once they made it to Kandor, she would have to deal with her. It wasn’t her kill to make, but she would have justice for everything Rhea had done. For now, though, Kara was content to keep her locked up in the wagon, out of sight and far away from Kara, who rode at the front of her army. She wouldn’t let Rhea poison her mind anymore.

 

\---

 

           The weeks passed by as they made their way eastwards, and the army slowly began to disperse as lords and ladies began to take their soldier’s home with them, and Non took the bulk of the force back to the garrison at Fort Rozz. Kara’s strength came back, and she soon found herself back in the saddle, feeling more herself as she led her people. She had to stop herself from pushing them faster, and she grew impatient at how long it was taking them to traverse the country. More than anything she wanted to gallop off and push herself as hard as possible to make it back to Lena. She wasn’t foolish enough to think that anything had changed though, Lena was still married to Jack, which is why it surprised her one day when they came to the riverlands and stopped for a quick rest to eat and water the horses.

 

           Kara was drinking from her water skin as she stood next to Comet, stroking his mane as he grazed on the sparse grass beneath them. She looked up as Jack approached, bowing to her. “Your Majesty, could I trouble you for a word in private?”

 

           “Of course,” Kara agreed, corking her water skin and putting it back in her saddlebag. She followed after Jack as he led her through the sprawling mass of soldiers and horses, and away from it all, and Kara’s eyebrows rose in surprise as he kept on walking. They ended up just out of sight of the army, near the banks of a small river, and they both stood beside one another, watching the ducks glide along on the top of the water. Kara waited patiently for Jack to broach the topic he wished to discuss with her, and after a few moments he cleared his throat.

 

           “I know that I have taken vows to protect you, Your Majesty, and it has been my honour to do so, and I will continue to do so if it pleases you … but I would also beg you to release me from my vows so that I may return home with my army.”

 

           Kara’s heart skipped a beat and a lump of fear formed inside her. “You want to _go?”_

 

           “I do,” Jack murmured, his gaze steady on Kara as he spoke. Kara went to open her mouth, but Jack carried on talking. “I know that you are probably going to deny my wish, because you think that you will lose Lena.” Kara closed her mouth, pressing her lips together in a thin line, for that had been her first thought. Wherever her husband went, Lena would be bound to follow him, and Kara had originally made Jack a part of her Queensguard to keep Lena close to her. She gave Jack a small nod, and he gave her a sad smile. “I did not wish to do this while you were gone, Your Majesty, for I did not know if you would return, and would not leave her to be alone if you did not, but I have been wed to Lena for six years now … she has not given me a child. I would declare her barren, and so, I would set her aside as my wife.”

 

           A choked up sound of surprise fell past Kara’s lips before she could stop it, and she stared up at Jack with wide eyes. He was going to renounce Lena as his wife, she would not be bound by any vows. It changed everything. “Y-you will not be her husband?”

 

           “No,” Jack said, giving Kara another sad smile. “As I said, I did not wish to leave her if you were not coming back, but since you have returned, I think it is time to but an end to this farce. You still love her, do you not? And would be with?”

 

           “Yes, of course ... but why are you doing this?” Kara asked, her forehead wrinkling in confusion. “You love her. No man is _that_ noble.”

 

           “I do love her, as do you, but she loves you and not me.” He let out a sigh, casting his gaze back to the ducks for a moment as her collected his words. “Your Majesty, I do not do this to be noble. I have no family, except Lena, and I had hoped that she would return my feelings over time and give me the family I desire. She has not, and I know that she never will. All I wish is to have someone who loves me, and to fill my castle with the sound of children laughing.”

 

           Nodding, Kara felt slightly guilty as she looked at Jack. She had pegged him wrong, and she felt bad for doing so, and she now saw that he was truly selfless. “I thought it was you, you know,” Kara muttered after a moment, “the spy. I thought you were bitter and vengeful for me coveting your wife. It made sense, because no one is that gallant, no one is that kind. Forgive me, Jack, for I was wrong, and you are all of those things and more.”

 

           “It was her, wasn’t it?” Jack softly asked.

 

           Kara stiffened slightly, turning her eyes away from him. “I don’t know what you mean.”

 

           He let out a quiet laugh. “Of course not, Your Majesty.”

 

           “Call me Kara,” she replied, giving him a small smile as she looked back up at him. “I will be indebted to you for something more precious to me than my own life, and for that I would see you call me by my name. What you ask for is granted, and I would see you have anything in the world you desire, as a token of my gratitude, although there is nothing that can truly show you how grateful I am.”

 

           “I wish only to find love and be happy,” Jack said.

 

           “Then I hope you find it,” Kara told him, and she truly did mean it.

 

           Jack gave her a small smile, “then I renounce Lena Spheer as my wife, and sever all ties to her, in the sight of the Gods.”

 

           Kara hesitated when he said the words, and then she threw her arms around his neck. She had never been friends with Jack, and had never been so friendly towards him, but in that moment, she didn’t think she had ever been more indebted to someone in her life, and she knew that she would be eternally grateful to him for what he had done. He briefly returned the hug, letting out a surprised laugh, and Kara pulled back, her eyes shining slightly with tears.

 

           “Go in friendship, and may you find everything you are looking for, my friend,” Kara told him. “You shall always have a place in my court, if you desire it, and I am truly grateful to you for your loyalty and kindness.”

 

           “I wish you a long reign, Kara,” Jack said, and he gave her shoulder a quick squeeze. Together they walked back to the camp, and with a nod off Jack, Kara watched him disappear through the crowd, off in search of his own soldiers so that he could go home.

 

           Feeling shocked, and filled with a hope that she had never imagined she would feel, Kara made her way back through the camp in a daze. This was everything she had ever wanted, handed to her on a silver platter, and now all Kara had to do was make it home. She needed to speak to Lena first, and she wasn’t stupid enough to believe that things would be exactly like they were before, but she wouldn’t let anything come between them. Kara wouldn’t believe that Lena would have willingly turned her over to Rhea, without a reason, and so nothing else mattered to her.

 

           Whatever happened, they would be okay.

 

\---

 

           It was still a few more weeks before they made it to Kandor, and Kara’s patience was wearing thin. As winter fully arrived, everyone’s spirits dampened with the snowfalls and wind that chilled them to their core, and even the end of the war wasn’t enough to keep their spirits up. Kara knew that they were all dreaming of their homes or loved ones too, and she knew that they would appreciate the end of the war more once they were all safe and warm.

 

           A part of her thought that they would never make it, but eventually they did. By the time the walls of Kandor came into view, they numbered only a few thousand, and the soldiers all deviated from Kara’s party to make their way to the nearby garrison, while others made a beeline straight for the sprawling city along the coast. Kara only had eyes for the castle walls, and the House of El banner waving from the highest point of the castle. She was home. After a year, she had made it back, despite everything, and she let out a heavy sigh of relief, her breath puffing out before her as she stared intently at the castle. The thought of Lena and Eliza made a quick smile flash across Kara’s face, and she quickly urged Comet onwards. She had waited too long for this.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping things will get easier from now on, until the angst hits again, but considering the fact that I don't really have a clue what I'm even writing, we'll see.

           As Kara rode up the drawbridge of the castle, she felt a weight lift off her shoulders at the feeling of being home, within the walls that she’d grown up in. The fear of facing Lena was still there, but just the fact that she was back home was enough to make her breathe easier, and she saw a similar smile on Alex’s face as she reined in her horse beside Kara. Swinging down off her saddle, Kara turned around, watching as her soldiers followed inside, and she looked to Astra and Lillian.

 

           “Bring her,” Kara ordered, and they didn’t need to ask who she was talking about. Alex and Maggie followed behind, as well as James and Lucy, and the five of them crossed the courtyard and passed through the huge front doors. It was all exactly the same as it had been when Kara had left on her coronation tour, and she was glad that the war had not spread everywhere.

 

           Walking through the castle, up winding staircases and brightly lit corridors, Kara made for Lena’s room, but before she got there, she spotted a blonde woman walking around the corner. A wide smile broke out across Kara’s face, and she watched as Alex ran down the hallway. “Mother!”

 

           Kara was quick to follow after her, and a moment later she was in Eliza’s tight embrace, and their mother was crying as she looked at the faces of her daughter’s. Her eyes roamed over every inch of them, ensuring that they were safe, and Kara noticed that her eyes lingered a little longer on her face, taking in the obvious signs of the torture that Kara had undergone. She knew that messages had been sent, relaying the news to Eliza, and the dark circles under her mother’s eyes spoke of the sleepless nights that she had endured as she worried about her daughter’s from the safety of the other side of the kingdom.

 

           After a few minutes of relieved words and tearful smiles, Kara took a deep breath and made to keep going. Astra and Lillian were dragging a chained Rhea between them, and had managed to catch up with them as Kara and Alex met up with their mother. They all fell in together as Kara resumed her determined walk through the castle, making straight for the room that Lena had shared with Jack. A lump formed in her throat as the doors came into sight, and Kara had to stop herself from shaking with nerves as she took a deep breath and pushed the doors open without knocking.

 

           She made it one step inside before she froze, her eyes filling with tears as she took in the dark-haired and extremely pale sight of Lena sat before the fire. She was thin – almost as thin as Kara – and she looked sick as she stroked the fur on Streaky’s head, piles of furs draped around her shoulders and on her lap to chase away the chill. Kara was struck by the drastic change, and she had to stop herself from crying. Lena looked up at the intrusion, and Kara let out a shaky, almost silent sob as she took in the familiar green eyes set in a gaunt face, and she had to stop herself from throwing herself at Lena and taking her in her arms.

 

           It took a moment for Lena to realize that it was Kara stood before her, and a crease formed between her eyebrows as she blinked in confusion. Almost as if she couldn’t believe it, Lena slowly climbed to her feet, letting the furs slide to the floor as her mouth fell open. Before Lena could say anything, Kara drew her sword, and she hesitated slightly at the look of fear in Lena’s eyes. How could she think that Kara could ever hurt her? Everything she had done had been for Lena. Taking a deep breath, Kara walked further into the room, drawing herself up to her full height as she forced herself to keep it together for a little while longer, and she presented her sword to Lena, hilt first, watching as she reached out with a pale shaking hand and took it.

 

           “Bring her in,” Kara commanded, turning slightly to speak over her shoulder, but not taking her eyes off Lena. She could see the way Lena’s shoulders sagged slightly at the sound of her voice, and Kara forced herself to swallow the lump in her throat as her heart ached for her to reach out and touch Lena. As Rhea was dragged in and kicked to her knees, Lena’s eyes flickered to her, and she visibly winced as the fear in her eyes grew. “The kill is yours,” Kara gently told Lena. She hoped that Lena knew it wasn’t a test of her loyalty, because Kara didn’t need to test it in such a brutal way. It was more of a twisted gift, to bring her her mother that had abandoned her, and to offer Lena the chance of revenge for everything that Rhea had done to her, for if Kara was to believe Rhea’s words, it had been as twisted as the torture she had endured herself.

 

           Lena couldn’t bring herself to speak, so she just nodded to Kara, her knuckles tightening on the hilt of the sword as she turned to Rhea. Kara found it hard to find any similarities between the two of them, and she watched Lena carefully to see how she reacted to Rhea, noticing the muscles in her jaw clench and the way that Lena’s hands steadied as she lifted the sword.

 

           “Go ahead,” Rhea spat, “do it, and let the Gods curse you for killing your own blood.” Lena didn’t even hesitate, she just jammed the sword right into Rhea’s heart with a cry of anger, and Kara’s eyes widened in surprise, as did Rhea’s as she looked down at the sword in her chest, blood trickling out of her mouth, which had fallen open in surprise. A movement behind Rhea caught Kara’s attention, and she watched as Lillian’s sword was brought down on the side of Rhea’s neck, cutting off the choked sounds coming from her mouth as the sword bit into the skin, parting muscle and severing nerves.

 

           "They will not," Lillian hissed, and Kara let out a small sigh of relief at the fact that Lillian had technically carried out the finishing blow, sparing Lena the torment of thinking that the Gods would curse her for killing the woman who had birthed her. With a small nod to Lillian, Kara turned her gaze back to Lena.

 

           Lena stared into the blank eyes of Rhea and pulled Kara’s sword out of her chest, watching as Rhea’s dead body collapsed forward onto the floor and a pool of blood started forming beneath her. Taking the sword off her, Kara sheathed it, and faced everyone else, who were all staring in shock at Rhea’s dead body. In some ways, her death truly signaled the end of the war.

 

           “Remove her, and bury her outside the castle,” Kara ordered, unwilling to give Rhea a funeral pyre so that she could be at peace. She knew that the Daxamites didn’t hold with the Kryptonian Gods, but she knew they used a funeral pyre to go to whichever afterlife they believed in, and Kara wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of it. At a gesture to Lena, Kara walked forward, making for the door with another order to everyone assembled. “Do not disturb me for the rest of the night.”

 

           Lena quickly followed after Kara, with Streaky in tow, and Kara made herself keep her chin up as she walked down the hallway to her own quarters. There were no guards posted outside as there used to be, and so she opened the door herself, slipping inside as she unbuckled her sword and tossed it aside, leaving the door open for Lena to join her. As Kara walked over to the table along the opposite wall and poured wine into two cups with shaking hands, she heard the door shut behind her. It was followed by silence, and then a shuffling sound as Lena sank to her knees and started to sob.

 

           And then Kara was crying too, and she turned around, clutching the two cups in hand as she walked over to the table in the middle of the room and set them down. “Get up off the floor,” Kara said, looking at Lena. She was knelt just inside the door, her bony hands grabbing fistfuls of her dress as she sobbed, her whole body shaking with the effort.

 

           “F-forgive me, p-please,” she begged, her voice breaking as she cried.

 

           “Get up,” Kara told her again, her voice firm but not unkind. She was trying to keep it together, and even thought her voice shook and tears rolled down her cheeks, she was determined not to fall to pieces. Not yet anyway. They had too much to talk about. Lena climbed to her feet, a hand covering her mouth as she tried to muffle the sounds of her broken sobs as she looked down at the floor. Kara let out a breathless sob as she looked at Lena, her heart hurting just from seeing Lena cry. “Lena, look at me.”

 

           She shook her head, and Kara choked out a surprised laugh, reaching for her wine and taking a drink to steady herself. After she’d drained her cup, Kara set it back down on the table and let out a long, shaky sigh as she ran her fingers through her hair. Over the past few weeks, it had grown down to brush her shoulders, and Kara was looking more like her old self, but she still missed her long curls. “Lena, look at me,” she said again, “we cannot talk if you won’t even look at me.”

 

           “I cannot,” Lena hoarsely replied, her breathing shuddering as she tried to stop herself from crying.

 

           “Then listen, for I have much to say,” Kara said, bracing herself on the edge of the table as she collected her thoughts. “I’m not angry at you, Lena. I had months to think about what you did, and that woman tried to warp my thoughts, and it worked too, but not well enough, for I know in my heart that you would not have done it to hurt me. I was mad for a while, but I had months to forgive you, and I have. She-“ and that’s where Kara stumbled, for she didn’t want to know the truth. “She said that sh-she forced you to tell her things. To spy. She had you beat and blackmailed … is it true? Or the other one she taunted me with; y-you never loved me, and you were in on it from the beginning. I-it was all a game for you. Which one was it?”

 

           Lena bit back a sob. “First,” Lena choked out.

 

           Closing her eyes, Kara let out a sigh of relief, but a feeling of anger welled up inside her. Rhea had played them both, and she had done it so well, and now she was dead and there was nothing that Kara could do about the burning rage inside her. “I’m sorry,” Kara softly said, and Lena’s head shot up, meeting Kara’s gaze for the first time since she’d walked into the room.

 

           “ _You’re_ sorry?” Lena echoed, her eyebrows pulling knitting together in a deep frown.

 

           “I should have known,” Kara said, her voice cracking as she spoke, “all those bruises … I-I assumed they were from fighting. All the times you advised me on where to move the troops, saving me from falling into h-her traps. You could’ve told me. I didn’t know, and I-I’m so sorry, Lena, but I just wish you had _told_ me.”

 

           “I-I couldn’t,” Lena said, her face crumpling as she stared at Kara with eyes swimming with tears.

 

           Clenching her teeth in frustration, Kara tipped her head back and ran a hand over her weary face. “Just tell me why.”

 

           “ _Why?”_ Lena repeated. “To keep you safe. E-everything I did, I-I did for you.”

 

           “For _me?_ I didn’t want any of this, Lena,” Kara said, her frustration growing. “I don’t understand. Y-you could’ve come to me; I would’ve helped you.”

 

           “And that’s why I didn’t!” Lena said, her voice rising as her frustration rose too. “I had a plan, and I-I wanted to keep you safe! I wanted to do this for you, to spare you having to face the fact that thousands more would die for this war. So many innocents have died screaming for us, Kara, and I-I didn't want that to torment you. If you’d just given me some more time ... I _had_ a plan.”

 

           Kara let out a humourless laugh, a look of disbelief on her face. “How was I supposed to know? I had _no_ clue what you were doing. All I knew was that you were being blackmailed, and so I stopped it.”

 

           Pinching the bridge of her nose, Lena closed her eyes and let out a huff of anger. “You could’ve trusted me.”

 

           “ _Trusted you?_ I just spent _months_ trying to figure out if everything between us was a lie. Every word, every touch, every _kiss_. I _hated_ myself for doubting you, and you think that I was supposed to trust you after I watched you agree to hand me over to your _mother?”_

 

           “She’s _not_ my mother,” Lena sharply corrected her, her eyes blazing with anger. “Her words are poison, and I know what she would’ve whispered to you. She did it to me too, and it _hurt_. It hurt so much to even think that she was right! Which is why I agreed, so that I could keep you _safe,_ and everyone else too.”

 

           “But I didn’t _need_ your protection!” Kara shouted, fighting back the urge to stomp her foot like a little child. “And you had no reason to doubt me. What did I get from loving you, except _you?_ It tortured me for _months_ to think that you didn’t love me, and you _still_ thought I didn’t mean it? After everything? We were _children_ when I fell in love with you. I didn’t even know what it was, but I loved you. I did. I do. I always have.”

 

           “We’re not who we used to be, Kara,” Lena said, her voice hitching as she spoke. All of the anger seemed to fade away, and in its place was a heartbreaking sadness that left Lena sounding like a little girl. “You left, and I didn’t think you were ever coming back! I was nineteen when I was married – _nineteen_ – and I was heartbroken, because you didn’t come back when you were supposed to. You left me! You left me alone, so I got married, and I _hated_ myself for doing it. And then you came back, and it hurt so much to not be with you, a-and then … _she_ dragged me off the battlefield one day, and she had them strip my armour off me so they could force me to tell them all I knew about you without you being any the wiser. I didn’t say a word … not until she threatened Alex. I would rather have died than tell her anything, but your sister ... how could I let her kill your sister? It would kill you too. And so I told her everything. After that, sh-she promised to reward me if I kept feeing her your plans. I did. I-I played the long game, and it backfired. I would _never_ have let her take you for whatever plan she had. I had my _own_ one. I was going to have her get her son to legitimize me, I was going to kill them both and free you. I could’ve taken the crown for myself and forced the armies to leave Krypton. W-we could’ve been together; me and you. I _had_ a plan.”

 

           Kara let out a breathless sob, tilting her head to the side as she gave Lena a look of pity. It was the same story Rhea had given her, for the most part, and Kara’s heart ached at the thought of what Lena had tried to do for them, and what she’d been through to do it. “She played you,” Kara said, giving Lena a sad smile. “She played us both.”

 

           “And now she’s dead,” Lena said, her voice shaking as fresh tears spilled over.

 

           “Oh Lena,” Kara sighed, and then she rushed forward, all but throwing herself at Lena, who was shaking as Kara wrapped her arms around her. She was real, and imperfect, but she was herself, and Kara loved her. They both had done things that neither of them could bear to think of, but Kara loved Lena despite what she’d done, and she hoped Lena felt the same. Rhea’s words about how Kara wouldn’t be able to touch her without remembering all the blood she had spilt to be able to do so again. Right now, Kara didn't think she'd be able to let go of her even if she tried, no matter what she'd done to be able to hold Lena again.

 

           “I’m sorry,” Lena sobbed into Kara’s shoulder, over and over again while Kara bit back her own sobs and made gentle soothing noises, stroking Lena’s hair and feeling the sharp angles of Lena’s bones beneath her touch. Neither of them moved for what seemed like forever, getting lost in the feeling of one another, and the knowledge that they were both safe, but eventually Kara pulled back, kissing Lena’s tearstained cheeks and brushing her hair back out of her face. “Your hair-“

 

           “It doesn’t matter now,” Kara whispered, letting out a shaky laugh before brushing her lips against Lena’s in the barest hint of a kiss. It wasn’t enough though, and for the first time, Kara realized that there was nothing holding them back, and as Lena brought her hands up to tangle them in Kara’s hair, leaning forward to try and push back against Kara’s lips, Kara pulled back. “Jack-“

 

           “I don’t care,” Lena murmured, reaching for Kara again. For the relief of her touch, of her being close to her after so long spent apart. Lena didn’t want to let her go ever again, even if she had a husband she was bound to.

 

           Kara let out a small laugh, brushing Lena’s hair back and kissing her on the cheek. “He has returned home … and he has renounced you as his wife.”

 

           “He- wha-“ Lena stammered, her eyes widening in surprise, but there was a relief behind it, and she let out a breathless sob as a smile spread across her face. And then Lena brought her lips down on Kara’s in a hard kiss, with nothing holding them back, and Kara gratefully sank into it, marveling at the feeling of Lena’s soft lips beneath her own. It was more than the gentle, brief kisses they’d shared before, and Kara couldn’t get enough of Lena as she parted her lips and deepened their kiss. Her hands moved from Lena’s waist to the front of her dress, and Kara grabbed a fistful of the fabric, pulling her with her as she stumbled backwards towards the bed.

 

           It wasn’t long before they were both asleep beneath the furs, with Kara’s arms wound tightly around Lena’s waist, grasping at her dress almost as if she didn't believe that she was there, and Lena’s head tucked into the crook between Kara’s neck and the tear-stained shoulder of her shirt. They hadn’t meant to fall asleep, but they hadn’t wanted to let go of one another, and as the sun set outside, they found themselves giving into their exhaustion as they talked quietly of lighter things and let their lips become familiar with the feeling of the other’s beneath their own. For the first time in a year, they both slept soundly and comfortably, breathing in sync as they slept deeply.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the later update! Sadly, writing isn't my job and real life is about to get in the way of daily updates over the next week or so with uni, work and family, but I'll try and update as much as I can.

            It was a few hours before dawn when Kara woke the next morning, jolting awake in the dark room to the sound of screams. For once, it wasn’t her nightmares that woke her, it was Lena’s, and Kara quickly shifted upright as Lena thrashed around under the blankets. She grasped at the front of Kara’s shirt, her screams muffled by the fabric and her legs kicking wildly as Kara tried to gently wake her up.

 

            “No, no, please. Don’t take her, take me instead. Not her, please,” Lena sobbed into Kara’s chest, and Kara’s eyes prickled and a lump form in her throat as she listened to Lena’s cries. She didn’t have to guess what her nightmare was about.

 

            Shaking her a little more roughly, Kara spoke softly to her in a trembling voice. “Lena, wake up my love. I’m here.”

 

            She woke with a start, her breath coming ragged and fast as she stared up at Kara with confusion in her eyes, almost as if she didn’t dare believe that she was really there. “Kara?”

 

            “I’m right here,” Kara assured her. “Go back to sleep, it was just a dream. It will be okay; nightmares go away.” Slowly, Lena sank back down against the pillows, and Kara settled down beside her, her arms winding back around Lena’s waist. Shifting slightly, Lena laid her head down on Kara’s chest, letting out a shaky breath.

 

            They were silent for a few moments, and Lena listened to Kara’s steady heartbeat while her own slowed and her breathing evened out. In the dark, Kara stroked Lena’s hair, waiting for her to speak or fall back to sleep – whichever came first.

 

            “I thought I lost you,” Lena whispered, and Kara squeezed her a little bit tighter.

 

            “It was only a bad dream,” Kara crooned, her lips brushing against Lena’s forehead in the barest hint of a kiss.

 

            “No, it wasn’t,” Lena said, her voice cracking as she spoke. “I wish I’d been there. I wish I’d come with you.”

 

            Kara winced slightly at the thought of Lena being there with her, and fear took hold in her heart. “I would not have wished that upon you. I-it made it bearable to know that whatever happened, you were safe.”

 

            “I’m so sorry,” Lena cried, pressing her face into the front of Kara’s shirt as she let out a shuddering breath.

 

            Pulling the blanket up under her chin, Kara rubbed soothing circled into her back and closed her eyes to the darkness. “Hush now. Sleep, and we shall talk more when the sun has risen.”

 

\---

 

            Kara didn’t sleep again, but Lena eventually drifted off and Kara was more than content to just lie there and hold her close. To sleep beside her, holding her, was more that Kara had ever dared to dream of, and she could scarcely believe that it was real as her mind ran over the events of the past day. She was home, and now more than ever, she understood Lena’s words that home was more than just a place, for even though Kara had been overwhelming relieved to be back at the castle, she hadn’t truly felt safe until she’d wound up in Lena’s arms.

 

            The sun was beginning to peek over the horizon, chasing away the darkness and flooding Kara’s chambers with weak sunlight, and Lena stirred beside her. Slowly, her eyelids fluttered open, and she frowned as she sat up. A small smile curled the corners of Kara’s lips as she watched Lena wake up, and a thought of being able to wake up beside her every day flickered across Kara’s mind.

 

            “Good morning,” Kara murmured, and Lena gave her a small smile. Hesitating slightly, Kara reached out and brushed Lena’s hair back, cupping her cheek and stroking a thumb along her cheekbone. They both paused for a moment, and then Lena let out a small laugh of surprise when Kara leant in and gave her a lingering kiss, cherishing the feeling of being able to touch each other without the fear of being caught or with the guilt of knowing that it was wrong for them to do it when Lena was still married.

 

            “It is,” Lena agreed, but her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, and Kara frowned as she pursed her lips slightly. “What is it?”

 

            “A-are you feeling well?” Kara slowly asked her.

 

            Lena closed her eyes and breathed slowly, letting out a gentle sigh. “I am better than well, but … I think perhaps it will take some time for my mind to catch up with me.”

 

            “I will not leave you again,” Kara promised, stroking Lena’s hair, before she started to climb out of bed. “But for now, you should find yourself something to eat and get dressed. There is somewhere I wish for us to go.”

 

            Following her out of bed, Lena nodded, and Kara walked around the bed to stand before her. She pulled Lena close by the skirts of her dress, giving her a shy smile as she ducked her head to give Lena another kiss. “I shall meet you back here within the hour,” Lena promised, and Kara’s eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled.

 

            Opening the door, Kara poked her head outside to check if the coast was clear. They might have been allowed to be together now, but it wasn’t something that they could publicly advertise, for there was still the matter of Kara marrying to produce an heir. No matter what, there would be people who would oppose their love, and Kara just wanted to be happy for a while before she had to worry about coming clean with her feelings towards Lena. The only person in the hall was Alex, who was leaning against the wall, dressed in her armour with one hand on the pommel of one of her swords. “The coast is clear, sister,” Alex said, raising her eyebrows slightly in amusement, and Kara rolled her eyes as her cheeks turned slightly pink.

 

            She pulled the door open wider and Lena slipped past her, giving Alex a small nod as she passed her by. With a small sigh, Kara stepped to the side to allow Alex inside, bracing herself for a torrent of questions, and possibly a few jibes and jokes, depending on how her sister felt. Busying herself with fetching them both cups of water, Kara left Alex to settle down near the glowing embers of the fire, walking over to her as she watched her rekindle the flames and flood the room with suffocating heat. Handing Alex a cup, Kara sat down and watched Alex sit across from her, her head tilted to the side and a question in her eyes.

 

            “Speak frankly, sister,” Kara wearily told her, and Alex cracked a small smile as she drank, her eyebrows rising in amusement.

 

            “I do not have anything to say.”

 

            Snorting, Kara gave Alex an exasperated look, “I fear that if you found yourself without a tongue, you would _still_ have something to say. Come on, out with it.”

 

            “Nothing has changed between you two?” Alex asked, a look of genuine interest and mild concern on her face.

 

            “Everything has changed,” Kara said, giving her a grim smile, which grew slightly as she continued, “but there are some things which are the same despite that. I think that she will still have me.”

 

            “Of _course_ she would,” Alex scoffed, “she would be a fool not too, and she is quite possibly the smartest person I’ve ever met. I fear that this will only be the beginning of your hardships though, and you should tread carefully for a while.”

 

            Grimacing, Kara nodded, “I know. I cherish every moment though, for I had not thought to ever even be allowed one with her. Th-there is much that I must … _handle_ with myself too though, after e-everything that happened, and I hope that we are strong enough to make it to the other side.”

 

            “You will be,” Alex firmly reassured her, before she hesitated slightly. “There is, ah, one matter I think you should know of. It is concerning your successor.”

 

            “Alex, I do not wish to talk of these things,” Kara said, shifting uncomfortably at the thought of another conversation about how she couldn’t be with Lena _and_ fulfil her duty towards the continuation of her line.

 

            Rolling her eyes, Alex pressed onwards. “Your cousin was your heir, as the next in line in the House of El, but … he is gone. He leaves behind his wife – a pregnant wife.”

 

            “Lois is with child?” Kara exclaimed, her eyes widening and eyebrows shooting up in surprise. There was a feeling of sadness and guilt inside at the thought of Kal not being able to raise his child, but she felt a rush of joy at the thought that this wouldn’t be the end of her house. She was not the last El.  “Wha- well then this is a good solution; I shall have a niece or nephew to carry on the line.” Kara felt a weight lift off her shoulders, and she gave Alex a relieved smile.

 

            The smile she received in return was a little more subdued, and the look in Alex’s eyes was almost pitying. Kara knew that her sister was more concerned with how her relationship would be received, rather than the fact that Kara wouldn’t produce her own heir, but she knew that Kara loved children, and she would have to sacrifice the chance to have her own children in order to be with Lena. It was a welcome sacrifice though, and Kara had spent long months fantasizing about a life with Lena, sometimes imagining them with an adopted child to raise as their own, as Kara and Lena had both been raised. It made no difference to Kara, she just wanted to be happy with Lena, and she would be more than happy to hand her crown over to her cousin’s child when the time came to it.

 

            “I am happy for you, sister,” Alex told her, her expression softening as she gave Kara a smile. She looked tired, but Kara could see that her shoulders were less tense, and it was a relief for things to be back to normal. They had lived with the threat of Daxam over their heads for far too long, and Kara was looking forward to a time when everything was as it had been, only with Lena openly by her side. It would be a long time before that happened, but still, she knew that her kingdom would be rebuilt and wounds would heal, and she would have peace with their enemy, for she trusted that Daxam’s new Queen wouldn’t be foolish enough to seek out war so soon. In the end, Kara couldn’t help but think it was all worth it, and she would have done it all over again if it meant that she would be allowed to stay in Krypton and rule her kingdom with those she loved most kept close by. Now, she just had to learn _how_ to rule, for she’d only just begun learning when they’d been plunged into war. There would be enough time for that later though; for now, she would rest a while, and regain the strength that still eluded her.

 

            “Have you eaten?” Kara asked Alex, and Alex shook her head in reply. “I need to bathe quickly, but I would eat breakfast with you and mother before I go.”

 

            “And where exactly are you going?” Alex asked, arching an eyebrow at her.

 

            Shrugging casually, Kara ran a finger around the rim of her cup. “I was thinking that I should spend the day in the godswood, praying for the souls lost in war and paying my respects to the gods.”

 

            “Ah, and would you be keeping vigil alone?”

 

            Trying to fight back a blush, but not quite succeeding, Kara cleared her throat slightly. “Well, no, Lena shall be accompanying me. Please, do not tell anyone, for I would have them think me alone, or else they may intrude.”

 

            “I shall keep it to myself – and perhaps Maggie too, for she would not look suspiciously out of place sneaking things into the godswood for you. It is cold and you will get hungry if you are to stay there all day … _praying_ ,” Alex said, raising her eyebrows slightly, and Kara’s cheeks turned redder at the insinuation behind her words.

 

            “I- well, no, i-it’s not- we, ah, well, um, I wouldn’t-“ Kara stammered as she tried to justify her intentions with Lena. Alex burst out laughing as she watched her sister struggle to find the words, and climbed to her feet with an amused look on her face.

 

            She made for the door, leaving her empty cup on the table as she looked back over her shoulder. “Breath, sister, I am just teasing you. Go and bathe; I shall arrange everything.”

 

            Fetching some warm winter clothes from her cupboard, Kara followed Alex out of the room, with her wolf padding silently behind her. They walked downstairs together, before Alex made for the kitchens, and Kara continued down to the bathing rooms. She wasted no time stripping off her clothes once she was inside her private room, and she quickly jumped into the hot pool, feeling her muscles relax at the warmth of the water as it soothed all of her aches and pains. It was hard not to just stay in there all day, and Kara had to remind herself that Lena would be waiting for her, and that was enough motivation for her to quickly scrub herself with sweet smelling soap, and wash away the dirt that had seemed to cling to her, no matter how hard she’d tried to keep clean on the road. For the first time in over a year, she felt truly clean.

 

            Dressing quickly in her warm clothes, Kara rushed back upstairs to share a quick breakfast with her family, and as she feasted on the best food she could ever remember eating, she found herself relaxing and laughing, even if Eliza watched her with concern. Kara had caught a glimpse of herself in the polished metal mirror, and when she’d been in the water, and she knew she looked awful, but she was trying hard not to dwell on that. For now, she would fill the silence with laughter and joy to try and chase away the darkness lingering in the corners of her mind.

 

\---

 

            After Eliza left, Alex lingered a few moments longer, assuring Kara that she had taken care of things with Maggie, and promising that she would make excuses for Kara and keep everyone away from her. Giving her sister a grateful hug, Kara took her sword that Alex handed her, rolling her eyes at the thought of needing to use it within the walls of her own castle so soon after the war had finished, but she could never be too careful. Alex left a few moments later, and her disappearance was quickly replaced with Lena’s appearance. She gave Kara a warm smile as she approached the open door, and Kara walked over to her. “Meet me at the northern edge of the godswood,” Kara quietly told her, her eyes darting around to make sure that no one else was around. “I’ll meet you there soon.” Lena didn’t say anything, she just turned to walk off, but Kara yanked her back, casting another look around, before placing a gentle kiss to the back of Lena’s gloved hand. With a smile, Kara dropped her hand and watched Lena walk off.

 

            She waited a few minutes before walking downstairs, making her way out through the main back entrance, and whirling around at the sound of her name being called. Astra was passing by the end of the hallway, and she paused to look at her niece. “Aunt,” Kara greeted her, retracing her footsteps back up the hallway.

 

            “I thought you would have rested longer after such a tiring trip,” Astra said, and Kara gave her a grim smile.

 

            “I would pay my respects to the dead and the gods today. It will not exert me to stand vigil, so I would see it done as quickly as possible, in case there are any souls who have yet to make it to Rao’s halls,” Kara explained.

 

            Astra gave her a quick nod, a small smile playing on the corners of her lips as she looked at her niece, so willing to to keep up the appearance of being strong so that no one would ever think her weak. “Would you like company?”

 

            Kara hesitated, not wanting to be blunt or abrupt in her denial, and she tried to wave away Astra’s offer as casually as possible. “I think I should like some peace and quiet,” Kara said, giving her a warm smile. “I fear that I have not had a moment alone since before I returned to Argo City. Would you please make my excuses to anyone else who seeks my presence? I would do the vigil proper justice and see it through until tomorrow’s sunrise.”

 

            “Of course, niece,” Astra said, bowing her head to Kara. With a quick nod to her, Kara turned around and walked outside, drawing her cloak tightly around her as she tramped across the frozen grass spread out before her. Everything was dusted in a light covering of snow, and Kara realized that her birthday would be upon her again soon. This year they would celebrate Midwinter’s Day in a proper fashion, and Kara knew that a big feat and celebration would be called for in honour of her birthday too. As she crossed the frostbitten lawn, she smiled at the memory of her last birthday, and the honey cakes that Lena had baked for her in the midst of a war.

 

            She was still smiling when she stepped into the shadows of the mostly bare trees, picking her way through the trunks to find Lena. She felt cold leather cover her eyes, and Kara let out a quiet laugh, gripping Lena’s wrists and pulling her hands away as she turned around. Her smile grew wider as she looked at Lena’s rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes deep in the shadows of her hood. “What’re you smiling about?” Lena asked, her quiet voice low, almost as if she didn’t dare to speak loudly for fear of disturbing the godswood.

 

            “You,” Kara said, leaning forward to brush her lips against Lena’s. They were cold, but Kara smiled against her lips anyway, cherishing the feeling. Pulling back, Kara placed a quick kiss on the tip of Lena’s cold nose, laughing when she scrunched her face up. “Always you.”

 

            Lacing her fingers with Lena’s, Kara led them through the forest, listening to the trees whisper to each other and the quiet panting of Streaky, who padded along behind them, sniffing at the base of trees and pawing at hidden lumps beneath the snow. The woods sprawled on for ages, and they were silent as they walked, with Lena patiently waiting for Kara to reveal her plan, even though a small part of her had an inkling as to what it was. As they reached the back corner of the woods, just shy of the castle walls, Kara brushed aside the drooping branches of a willow tree, smiling as she looked at the pile of furs and blankets and the picnic basket that Maggie had snuck out for her. There was also a log that had been chopped almost all the way through and lit from within, letting off a small amount of heat without the smoke of a real fire. Turning to look at Lena, Kara started to unbuckle her sword.

 

            “The willow tree,” Lena said with a wide smile, “the one we had our first kiss under. I didn’t take you for such a sentimental romantic.”

 

            “Oh? I have spent years running over the memories of us, and their sentimental value is greater than any treasure I could ever own. Perhaps we haven’t been afforded the chance to really court each other, but I would like to think that I could be romantic for you though,” Kara said, giving Lena an embarrassed smile.

 

            Biting her lip, Lena stepped towards Kara, tilting her head to the side as she stared intently at Kara. “Mm, I think that you could, and I don’t mean to say that you haven’t been before, but it is nice to see that such small things in the past still hold value for you.” She reached out for Kara, pulling her close by the hem of her cloak, and Kara willingly stumbled forward, smiling as Lena’s lips parted slightly.

 

            Brushing her hood back and tangling her fingers in her dark hair, Kara kissed her gently, smiling when Lena pushed back with more force. Pulling her backwards, Kara felt the soft fur beneath her feet and slowly sank down, bringing Lena with her, unwilling to let their lips part. Falling into her lap, Lena laughed as they clumsily fell onto the blankets, and Kara joined in, her laugh slightly shaky as she held Lena by the waist and stared up at her. In one fluid motion, Kara flipped them over so that she had Lena pinned down beneath her, and she pressed a slow, teasing kiss against her lips. Kara laughed as Lena tried to reach up and kiss her back, but found Kara’s hands against her shoulders keeping her pressed down, and she let out a huff of frustration, collapsing back against the furs.

 

            “Have we not suffered enough?” Lena asked, her lips tugging up at the corners, and Kara quickly sat upright, her hands dropping away from Lena’s shoulders. She gave Lena a small smile, and Lena’s eyes widened slightly as she struggled upright, reaching out to hold Kara by the waist while she propped herself up on an elbow. “Kara, I-“

 

            “I know,” Kara quickly said, leaning down to give her a quick kiss. “I shouldn’t tease you though, we’ve already wasted enough time.”

 

            Lena’s face softened, and she reached up to trail a gloved hand along Kara’s cheekbone. “We have all the time in the world now, it’s okay to take our time. I lost you once before, and a part of me will _never_ forget that, but now … we shall love each other all our lives.”

 

            “I know,” Kara smiled, wider this time, and she climbed off of Lena’s lap, reaching for the basket of food and then burrowing underneath one of the blankets. She pulled one corner back for Lena to join her beneath it, and then the reached into the basket, coming out with a skin of tea that was still hot. She took a sip and handed it off to Lena, savouring the taste of the wild berries, and as Lena’s lips parted to take a sip, all Kara could think about was kissing her and tasting it on her lips. Plucking the skin out of her hands and popping the cork back in, Kara reached for Lena, pressing a lingering kiss to her lips and moaning slightly as Lena pushed back against her.

 

            By the time they parted again they were both breathing heavily, and their cheeks were pink for reasons beside the cold. Letting out a shaky laugh, Kara placed a kiss to the corner of Lena’s mouth, and sat up straight. “As much as I would love for us to carry on, I think that perhaps we should talk,” Kara said, brushing a lock of hair out of Lena’s face.

 

            Sitting tensely, Lena looked at Kara apprehensively, and Kara gave her a small smile as she reached out and jerked her chin slightly, earning a small smile off Lena. “Could I- well, I would apologise again, firstly,” Lena said, a spasm of pain crossing her face for whatever thoughts crossed her mind.

 

            “Lena, you need not apologise to me,” Kara murmured, taking her hand in her own and giving it a slight squeeze. “I know that you were caught between two hard choices, and you picked the one that would cause me less pain.”

 

            “But it didn’t – it caused you _more_ pain, physically at least,” Lena argued, and Kara gave her a tense smile. The bruises and cuts had long since healed, but Kara could still remember the explosion of pain breaking out across her back at the touch of the wooden cane. That had been the worst pain, but Kara had refused to give Rhea the satisfaction of even the smallest whimper of pain. Sometimes she feared that she would bite her tongue off with the effort of keeping silent.

 

            Kara cast her eyes away from Lena’s face, watching the trailing branches of the willow tree rustle in the wind. “It was a welcome pain if it meant that those I cared about would be spared – if _you_ would be spared. I am only sorry that I didn’t realize it sooner, sorry that I didn’t know she was hurting you.”

 

            “Don’t-“

 

            “It’s _okay_ , Lena,” Kara said, “nobody is perfect, least of all me, and I would not hold this against you.”

 

            “It was _treason,_ Kara, even if I did it to protect you,” Lena protested, her eyes shining with unshed tears, and Kara sighed as she squeezed her eyes shut.

 

            Her eyelashes fluttered as she opened her eyes, reaching out to stroke Lena’s cheek, watching as she blinked back tears. “It is whatever I say it is,” Kara softly told her, “and I say it is not.”

 

            Lena choked back a groan, rubbing her forehead as she closed her eyes. “Kara-“

 

            “Let us not talk of this anymore,” Kara firmly said, “I haven’t yet had the chance to speak of what I wished to.” Lena nodded, her throat bobbing as she swallowed whatever she’d been about to say. “I would tell you that I love you, Lena.”

 

            Kara smiled as Lena let out a breathless laugh, her breath visible before her, and she cupped Kara’s face in her hands and kissed her roughly. Tangling her fingers in Lena’s hair, Kara kissed her back, before she started to laugh against Lena’s lips. “Are you going to let me finish?” Kara mumbled as Lena chased after her when she tried to pull back. After another quick kiss, Lena pulled back and looked at Kara expectantly. “I want us to be together more than anything, but-“ Lena jerked backwards, and Kara sighed, pulling her close again. “ _But_ , I’m not sure how to announce it to … well, the kingdom. I-I need more time to, you know, find out how to make it _okay_. Is that … okay with you?”

 

            “Kara, I just want _you_. I don’t care how,” Lena said, giving her a small smile, “just you.”

 

            “You’ve had me since we were children,” Kara murmured, laying down on the furs and bringing Lena down with her. “I’m sorry it took so long for us to me like this though. It’s not how I wanted things to go. In my head I thought it would be … easier.”

 

            Snorting, Lena laid her head on Kara’s chest, pulling the furs up to her chin to keep herself warm. “Nothing in life is ever easy, Kara. Do you … think that things would’ve been different if you had stayed here?”

 

            “I don’t know,” Kara said, shrugging slightly. “I know that I would have loved you no matter what, and I think that that’s all that matters to me. Everything else would’ve fallen into place, I’m sure of it. The gods have a plan.”

 

            “Your unwavering belief is comforting,” Lena snorted.

 

            “Don’t mock me,” Kara chided her, laughing slightly as she tickled Lena in the ribs, “I know you’re not as dedicated as I am, but I do believe that they had a plan. It might not be all rosy-coloured dreams, but I think things are set in stone, things are meant to happen for a reason. We were always going to be in love, from the very beginning.”

 

            “I know,” Lena quietly agreed, and Kara squeezed her tightly, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

 

\---

 

            They stayed beneath the willow tree for hours, trading kisses and whispering the things they had never had the chance to say to each other before. It was one of the best days of Kara’s life, and she wished that time could stand still so she never had to leave the moment.

 

            Eventually the sun began to fade, and a few hours later it was bitterly cold, even with the furs wrapped around them, and the warmth of being pressed as close as possible to each other. The remnants of their picnic was spread nearby and they were both content to lie there for a little while longer. When Lena started shivering, Kara knew it was time for her to go inside though, and they walked hand in hand back to the edge of the godswood. Kissing her goodnight, Kara cradled Lena’s face in her hands and pressed their foreheads together.

 

            “Won’t you walk me inside?” Lena asked, a smile in her voice as she gently stroked Kara’s cheek.

 

            “I said I was keeping vigil tonight, and I must spend the rest of the night out here to make the lie become truth,” Kara said, giving her a grimace at the thought of a night spent outside in the freezing winter. “If we are to sneak around, it would be best if we _didn’t_ get caught, or it will all be a waste.”

 

            “It wouldn’t be a waste,” Lena quickly said, “and I wish we didn’t have to sneak. We have denied ourselves for too long because of what was right and proper.”

 

            Sighing softly, Kara gave her another quick kiss. “And to be able to kiss you is the product of our long waiting, and it is enough to fill me with more joy than I could ever imagine. We shall not have to hide forever. If it was up to me, we would not hide at all, but I would parade you in front of my court with the smuggest smile you could imagine, for I would be the envy of everyone present.”

 

            “Most people don’t think so highly of bastards,” Lena laughed, her teeth chattering slightly as a gust of wind whistled through the skeletal trees, shaking the snow off the branches. Kara smiled as she reached up to brush some off the shoulder of Lena’s cloak.

 

            “You should not listen to the opinion of others,” Kara firmly told her, a crease forming between her eyebrows.

 

            “Is that not the reason why we are hiding in the shadows of the godswood so late at night?” Lena asked, cocking an eyebrow at Kara. The pale moonlight washed over her face, and Kara smiled at the sight – she was beautiful.

 

            Laughing, Kara rolled her eyes and pulled Lena a little closer. Their noses gently bumped, and Kara tilted her head to the side, leaving a trail of hot kisses along Lena’s jaw, hearing Lena’s breathing hitch as she shivered – not from the cold. “It is,” Kara murmured just below Lena’s earlobe, “but I plan to rectify it soon, I promise you.”

 

            “It doesn’t bother me,” Lena said, “as long as we are together, that is all I care about.”

 

            “Then I will never leave your side again,” Kara promised, kissing Lena again and again. “Now, go inside before you catch a chill.”

 

            “I am more concerned with _you_ catching a chill,” Lean sighed, shaking her head as she grimaced at the thought of Kara staying outside for the rest of the night. “But, I know that my absence will soon be noticed, if it has not yet already been, and if we are to keep this secret a little longer, I shall need to play my part to make the lie into a truth.”

 

            Smiling, Kara brushed a snowflake off Lena’s cheek and then placed a gentle kiss where it had just been. “Goodnight, my love,” Kara whispered. “Dream of sweet things, and I shall see you once the sun rises.”

 

            “Goodnight,” Lena said, giving Kara a lingering kiss, before she stepped out of the tree line and made towards one of the small side doors and let herself inside. Kara watched until she was sure that Lena was back inside, and then she went back to the willow tree, burrowing down under the blankets and stroking Streaky’s fur as she silently prayed to the gods.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think I'd be able to write a chapter today, but I did it anyway lmao oops

           As soon as the sun started to rise, Kara climbed to her feet, letting the furs pool to the floor as she shivered in the early morning cold. Her eyes were stinging from a lack of sleep, and Kara rubbed at them as she bent down to pick up her sword, before she strode off in the direction of the castle, whistling for Streaky to follow.

 

           It was still dark within the castle as Kara stepped inside, and she spotted a servant relighting the torches at the end of the hallway. Torn between bed and warmth, Kara hesitated, watching a torch flicker to life as the servant lit it, and turned and walked the opposite way. She descended the stairs to the sublevels of the castle, and made for the bathing rooms, deciding that a hot bath would help warm her up before she climbed into bed. With shaking hands, she undid the clasp tying her cloak together, and shouldered open the door to her private rooms. Her clothes were quickly shed, and Kara jumped into the steaming water without hesitation. She violently shivered as heat washed over her, and her fingers and toes were so numb that they hurt as warmth coursed through them. Letting herself dwell in the feeling of warmth for just a moment, Kara sank to the bottom of the pool and envisioned summer. She could almost imagine that she was swimming in the river, while the hot sun shone down above her and fish darted past, and the wind was a sweet caress that brought with it the smell of flower blossoms and filled the air with pollen. Being kept prisoner in Daxam meant that Kara had missed the last summer, and she couldn’t wait to lay in a field of flowers and listen to the buzzing of bee’s drone on, or taste the fruit that would soon be weighing down the trees. It was just a few more months away.

 

           The dream of summer faded once Kara broke the surface of the pool, and she paddled over to the edge, pulling herself out and wrapping a warm towel around herself. The room was hot from the steam curling off the top of the water, but Kara was still quick to dress before a chill set in. Her damp hair was curling around her shoulders as she stepped from the room, her cloak drawn tight around her as she set off back up through the castle.

 

           A few more people were awake as Kara walked through the hallways, and she acknowledged the bows and curtsies with nods and small smiles, not stopping to make conversation with anyone. Her bones felt leaden, and she could barely keep her eyes open as she made her way towards her room. Over the past few months of travelling back to Krypton and then on to Kandor, Kara had put on some of the weight she’d lost in prison, and while her collarbones and ribs were still more prominent than they should’ve been, she no longer looked skeletal, but it still hadn’t been a good idea for her to sit outside in the freezing cold all night. A lack of sleep, coupled with a malnourished body and weeks of travelling had left Kara feeling drained, and the moment she pushed open the doors of her room, she let her cloak fall to the floor, tossed aside her sword and strode over to the bed. Without even pulling back the covers, Kara collapsed onto the furs and fell straight asleep, her arms wrapping around a goose feather pillow and burrowing her face into it. A crackling fire burned in the fireplace, and Kara felt content as she slept on.

 

\---

 

           Lena wrapped an embroidered blanket around her shoulders like a shawl before she left her rooms, walking across the new rug that covered the spot where she had helped kill her mother. Slipping out into the hallway, Lena made her way downstairs, heading for the kitchen, where she ordered the cook to had a meal prepared for Kara immediately. Whether it was the fact that Lena had specifically said it was for the Queen, or if it was because of the almost arrogant tilt of her chin and the regal way she carried herself, Lena didn’t know, but the order was obeyed without hesitation, and ten minutes later she was carrying a loaded tray back upstairs. The cook had tried to send her off, insisting that she would have a servant send the food up, but Lena had stubbornly refused to budge until she held the tray in her own hands.

 

           Outside Kara’s chambers, Lena hesitated, wondering if she should knock. The sun was almost about to set, and she’d spent the day amusing herself by reading and embroidering while Kara slept off her sleepless night, and Lena was worried that she would forget to eat if food wasn’t brought to her. Still, Lena hated to disturb her if she was still asleep, so she carefully balanced the tray as she reached out and let herself into Kara’s rooms, quietly shutting the door behind her as she winced slightly at the creaking of the hinges. At the sight of Kara spread eagled and facedown on the bed, Lena bit back a smile, setting the tray down on the table in the middle of the room and casting a glance at the fire. It was starting to burn low, so she quietly busied herself with adding more logs to the fire, a slight frown gracing her face as her fingertips acquired a fine dusting of ashes as Lena tried to build the fire up – she’d never had to do it before, but it wasn’t _that_ hard.

 

           Quietly padding over to the bed, Lena removed the blanket from around her shoulders and shook it out, before she draped it over Kara’s sleeping form as gentle as possible. As she pulled it up to Kara’s chin, she woke with a start and before Lena could even so much as blink, she was staring down the length of the dagger that Kara slept with under her pillow. Lena was frozen in place, listening to her heart thundering in her ears while she stared at Kara, who was breathing heavily as she looked at Lena with wide eyes.

 

           It took a moment for Kara to realize that it was Lena, and she quickly pulled the dagger back, running a hand through her unruly curls as she settled back against the pillows. “Forgive me,” Kara breathlessly said, closing her eyes as she let out a shaky breath.

 

           “I should not have startled you,” Lena said, waving away Kara’s apology as she perched precariously on the edge of the bed. Kara looked down at the blanket that was draped across her, reaching out to trace her fingers over the pattern of poppies, bluebells, birds and other creatures and flowers stitched all over it. “I made it for you,” Lena said by way of explanation, “while you were … gone.”

 

           “It’s beautiful,” Kara murmured, looking up to give her a warm smile. She reached out towards Lena, her open arms and invitation for Lena to move closer, and Kara cupped her cheek and leaned forward to gently kiss her. “Thank you.”

 

           “I didn’t know what else to do,” Lena shrugged, wincing slightly at the memory of months spent sat in the chair before the fire, wasting away as she waited for Kara to come home. She had only stepped foot outside once since she’d come back to Kandor, and the rest of the time had been spent inside, stitching away at the blanket while she silently prayed for Kara to come back to her.

 

           Resting their foreheads together, Kara smiled slightly, brushing Lena’s hair out of her face. “I’m sorry it took so long to come home. I always seem to keep you waiting longer than I would like. I kept you near me though, I kept the handkerchief you made me.” Kara pulled back and reached into the pocket within her doublet, pulling out the dirty and stained handkerchief embroidered with poppies.

 

           Lena let out a laugh of disbelief, reaching out to take the worn scrap of cloth in her hands and running her fingers over the pattern. “You still have it.”

 

           “Of course I do,” Kara said, frowning slightly at the surprise in Lena’s tone. “It is my most cherished possession.”

 

           “I went there once, you know, the poppy field, I mean. You told me to wait for you there. It was almost two moons ago, at the start of winter, and I was starting to doubt if you would ever return to me, and so I went there,” Lena told her, rambling as she started to panic slightly, “it was the only time I left the castle since my return, and I knew that I had to go, for I knew I would see some sign of you there, even if it wasn’t you. I thought that I would feel closer to you there, but I got there and all the poppies were dead. I cried for hours, I thought it was a sign.”

 

           “They’ll grow back,” Kara softly told her, picking up Lena’s hands in her own. “We’ll go back there too, in the summer. I promise.” She pressed a kiss to the back of each of Lena’s hands, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she smiled.

 

           Lena reached out to toy with the end of a lock of Kara’s hair, and a line formed between her eyebrows as she pressed her lips together in a grim line. Curling the lock of hair around her finger, Lena grimaced. “Do you not like it short?” Kara laughed, flashing her teeth at Lena, who rolled her eyes.

 

           “It is not so much that I do not like it, for I think you beautiful regardless, but you have always taken so much pride in your hair. It was a sign that you were kissed by the sun, and it saddens me to think that she tried to take away your pride and your belief,” Lena murmured, running her hands through Kara’s hair and knotting her fingers in it.

 

           “It’ll grow back too,” Kara said, “and a lesson in humility helped to put things into perspective for me. I realized that a lot of my decisions had been made with my heart and not my head, and I had been, well, a shit Queen sometimes, even if I hadn’t intended to be.”

 

           Lena made a sound of disapproving protest, “you have _not_ been a shit Queen, Kara. You have made peace with a kingdom who would hold the threat of war over your head if you dared to oppose their marriage request. You might not have _wanted_ to go to war, but we did, and we _won_ , and now, for the first time in centuries, we shall have true peace with our enemies. That is no small feat, especially for a new Queen.”

 

           Rolling her eyes at the praise, Kara smiled slightly. “I know that it was necessary, and I did it so that I wouldn’t need to be sent away from home, and I wouldn’t have to marry him, but there are other matters that I should have handled better. Perhaps my head had been filled with too many fanciful tales as a child, but I had thought myself free to do as I pleased because I wear a piece of metal on my head, but there is more to ruling than that. I think now is the time for me to learn, and I am grateful that I shall have my aunt to guide me in the way that she cared for my kingdom in my long absence. There is still much I do not know.”

 

           “I’m sure you will do a splendid job,” Lena said, leaning forward to briefly capture Kara’s lips with her own, before she pulled back and stood up. “But for now, you should eat. I brought you food.” Kara made to follow after her, but Lena gently, but firmly, pushed her back down against the pillows. “You stay where you are.”

 

           “Yes, _Your Majesty_ ,” Kara laughed, pulling the blanket up to her chest as she watched Lena saunter over to the table and pick up the tray. She smiled at Kara as she brought it back over, setting it down on the bedside table and climbing onto the bed. Kara shifted over slightly and threw the blanket over Lena too, leaning in to kiss her neck as Lena reached for a plate. At the touch of Kara’s lips against her neck, Lena dropped the plate back to the tray, jumping slightly at the loud clattering noise, and giving Kara an exasperated look when she started to laugh. With a sigh, Lena presented her with a plate of assorted cuts of meat, and another with a variety of cheeses, before she picked up a loaf of bread and tore a chunk off for Kara.

 

           Eating in silence for a few moments, Kara glanced up at Lena, who was watching her intently. “Are you not going to eat? There is almost enough to feed a family for a week, and you look … hungry.” Kara winced at her own words, for it had only been almost a few days since her return and up until then, Lena hadn’t been taking care of herself. If she was worried about how Kara looked, then Kara was twice as concerned about how she looked. Even as Kara’s eyes roamed over her, she could see the sharp angles of Lena’s collarbones jutting out through the fabric of the dress she wore.

 

           Lena made to protest, but she was cut off by Kara stretching across her, pressing up close as she reached for a small flat cake made with currants and spices, and held it up to Lena’s mouth. Rolling her eyes slightly, Lena obliging opened her mouth and took a small bite, and Kara rewarded her with a quick kiss, before she took a bite too. “You know, perhaps I am hungrier than I thought,” Lena said, a look of amusement crossing her face.

 

           “By all means, keep eating and I will shower you with as many kisses as you desire,” Kara laughed, and Lena reached for another cake, arching her eyebrow in an almost challenging way. They didn’t stop eating until they had cleaned the plates of all but the crumbs, and Kara felt satisfied knowing that they were both well fed and warm.

 

           Sat side by side in bed, cuddled up next to each other beneath the blankets, Kara felt content as she watched the last rays of sunlight shine through her window. She wished that she could stay like that forever, and let out a quiet sigh at the thought of it ending.

 

           “What is it?” Lena asked, brushing away a few stray crumbs on Kara’s doublet.

 

           “I was just thinking about how nice it would be to stay like this forever,” Kara told her, “but I fear that tomorrow I shall need to get back to work. My council already has plans to send resources to Argo City to help rebuild, as well as the surrounding areas, and I know they would have me rest as long as I need to, but I would not fall slack in my duties. I have missed too much, and as much as I wish to never leave your side again, I shall need to attend meetings. It may also be a good time to hold open court for the common folk to present their problems to me. It is time for me to look after my people, now that war has passed.”

 

           “I am sure you will be wonderful, and the people love you no matter what. And as for this moment, we still have tonight,” Lena said, smiling up at Kara, and then frowning slightly as a thought crossed her mind. “Although, if we are to keep it a secret for a while longer, it would not be wise for me to stay.”

 

           Kara let out a quiet laugh, kissing Lena’s forehead as she held her close. “No, it would not, but I would have you stay anyway. No one has to know what we do, and if they become suspicious, then we shall plant false ideas in their head. Perhaps I could let slip that you spend so many late nights in my chambers helping me to find a shoe that I had thought I lost beneath my bed.”

 

           Letting out a snort of laughter, Lena gave Kara a wry smile, “what kind of … _friend_ would I be if I let my Queen hop around the castle with one shoe?”

 

           “Exactly!” Kara exclaimed, “so you shall have to stay – tonight and every night afterwards, until you find it.”

 

           “Then I shall have to become lazy,” Lena said, giving her a heavy sigh, even as a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips.

 

           “Very lazy, my love,” Kara agreed, smiling as she leant down to give Lena a kiss.

 

           The feeling of being able to kiss her whenever she wanted to was still new to them both, and they welcomed any opportunity to do so, making up for lost time, and so, for the rest of the night, they kissed and laughed and talked, and for a couple of hours, they forgot all the bad things they had endured. It was a relief for them both, and they soon fell asleep in each others arms, and after only two nights, it already felt like a habit. If Kara could fall asleep and wake up with Lena beside her, for the rest of her life, she would be happier than she had ever thought possible.

 

           She already was.


	42. Chapter 42

            The next two weeks flew by, and Kara was swept off her feet with meetings about the treasury, how their stores were holding out after a bad harvest due to the war, sending aid to the western reaches of her kingdom, as well as planning a feast. It had to be the grandest feast that the kingdom had ever seen, for it was going to triple as the celebration of the end of the war as well as a Midwinter’s Day feast and Kara’s birthday. She’d been working herself hard, trying to make up for all of her duties she’d been slack in before, and day after day was spent meeting with lords and ladies, merchants and farmers, and even peasants who trekked from the city to the castle to plead their case with their Queen. The most prevalent issue was hunger, as most of the food had been distributed to the troops of Kara’s army, leaving scarce resources for the common folk to eat, and Kara had been furious to find the castle cellars hoarding more food than they would need for the rest of the winter. She had ordered it to be shared out amongst the rulers of distant keeps, and sent aid to help farmers ready their land for the spring planting. Famine was the last thing she wanted after the war, and she knew it was a very real problem that could kill off just as many citizens as the war had if she wasn’t careful. She relied heavily on her council for their help with planning, as well as their advice on other matters, for she knew that they were all more experienced than her, and their different opinions helped to give Kara a well balanced perspective. Still, she felt drained after every meeting, for they dragged on for hours and hours, and Kara didn’t get to spend much time with Lena, except at night.

 

            Lena slept in Kara’s bed every night, for no one would enter Kara’s rooms without her permission, so it was easy for them to sneak around uninterrupted. It was so soothing for her to sleep beside Lena, and when they both awoke from nightmares, they would be calmed almost instantly by the presence of the other. Kara never wanted to talk about what woke her screaming, and Lena never asked, and Kara didn’t need to know what she dreamt of, for when Lena woke up crying, she would cling to Kara until her sobs subsided and she stopped shaking. It was hard on them both, but the comfort of each other was enough to help the nightmares fade away, and they would sleep restlessly for the rest of the night. James or Winn were always stood outside, as the two remaining members of Kara’s Queensguard, but they never came in to check on Kara, knowing that it was a nightmare, and if they noticed the difference between hers and Lena’s screams, they never brought it up. Kara was always careful to dismiss them in the morning so that Lena could sneak out unseen, and they would come to stand guard late at night, when Lena was already inside Kara’s room. So far their secret was safe.

 

            On the morning of Midwinter’s Day – Kara’s birthday – she was sat in front of her vanity, staring at her reflection in the polished metal as Lena ran a bone tooth comb through her curls. Kara fidgeted as she shifted restlessly and Lena sighed. “Keep still or you’re going to end up looking like a wild animal,” Lena chided her, and Kara stilled as she let Lena carry on brushing out her hair for her. “There, all done.”

 

            Kara thanked her and reached for her crown, settling it down on top of her golden curls, before she turned to look up at Lena. Pulling her close by the skirts of her dress, Kara smiled, reaching up to cup Lena’s cheek. Lena leant down to kiss her, and as their lips brushed, the door burst open. “Happy- oh! Forgive me,” Alex said, quickly backtracking as she took in the sight of Lena, standing a few feet away from Kara and looking suspiciously out of place as she tried to look casual. Kara’s looked flustered, and her cheeks were slightly pink as she cleared her throat.

 

            “Sister, I hadn’t expected you so early,” Kara said, laughing nervously.

 

            “Indeed, I see that Lady Lena has been keeping you company,” Alex said, arching an eyebrow as she turned to look at Lena. Not taking the bait, Lena raised her proud chin and gave Alex a hard stare.

 

            “I shall see you at the feast tonight,” Lena said, turning to Kara. Her face softened as she spoke, giving Kara a small smile as she reached out to briefly touch the sleeve of Kara’s dress.

 

            Kara snorted quietly, tugging Lena back to her side as she tried to walk off. “You needn’t leave, Lena. It’s not as if my sister hasn’t been involved in our secret trysts.”

 

            “I’m obviously not going to tell anyone,” Alex scoffed, walking further inside and rolling her eyes. “I won’t disturb you long though.” Kara stepped around Lena and embraced her sister, smiling as Alex squeezed her tightly. “Happy birthday, sister.”

 

            “Thank you,” Kara said, smiling widely as she pulled back.

 

            “I shall give you your gift later on, and I would inform you that mother shall be down soon, so if there is anything you need to … _handle_ , I would see to it now, before you are interrupted again.”

 

            Kara felt her cheeks warm again, and Lena shifted slightly off to the side, trying to mask her embarrassment as she plucked at a stray thread on the embroidered skirt of her dress. “Not everyone _barges_ in like you do, Alex,” Kara said, her eyebrows rising slightly as she admonished her sister.

 

            Alex rolled her eyes, laughing as she poked Kara in the ribs. “Well next time I won’t give you a warning about mother then.” Kara poked her tongue out at her and gave her a push back towards the doors.

 

            “I shall be along for breakfast in a few moments,” Kara assured her, “if you would be so kind as to distract mother for a moment, I shall meet you in the dining room.”

 

            Giving her a mocking bow, Alex laughed before leaving and shutting the door behind her. Kara let out an exasperated sigh, her eyes crinkling at the corners with the hint of a smile as she gazed lovingly in the direction that her sister had just departed. “Sometimes I am glad there is no one who would interrupt me,” Lena said, sounding slightly amused, “although, my mother has been quite determined to track me down lately. She would never think of coming to your chambers and asking for me though. A part of me fears that maybe she suspects, and she does not want to find her suspicions confirmed by coming to ask you so late at night.”

 

            “Well she shall be in for a shock when the truth comes out,” Kara said with a small smile, pulling Lena close and giving her a gentle kiss. They both let their hands roam over each others cheeks, waists, backs and anywhere else they found themselves wandering to. Pressed back against the vanity table, Kara let out a breathless laugh as Lena’s lips kissed their way down her throat, to the collar of her dress. Pushing aside the collar, Lena placed kisses further down, and Kara bit back a quiet groan as she tangled her fingers in Lena’s dark hair. “Lena.”

 

            “Mm?” Lena mumbled against Kara’s collarbone, continuing kissing as far down as she could manage with the dress in the way.

 

            “I think … it’s time f-for breakfast,” Kara said, her voice hitching as she spoke. Lena let out a loud laugh, straightening up and cocking an eyebrow as she looked at Kara.

 

            Reaching out to brush a stray curl back into place, Lena gave Kara an amused smile. “You were thinking about _breakfast?_ I fear that I wasn’t doing my job properly.”

 

            Kara spluttered as her face turned red with embarrassment. “I was _not_ thinking about breakfast! But it is the safer option to what I _was_ thinking, especially with my mother lurking around. Besides, I have to finalise some things for the feast before it starts, so it won’t do to stay in bed all day, no matter how much I should like to.”

 

            Capturing her lips in another kiss, Lena pressed up against Kara for a moment, almost as if she was teasing her, before she pulled back. “Then I shall see you at the feast. Wear something blue for me, I like the way it makes your eyes look.”

 

            “I would paint myself blue if it would please you,” Kara said, wrinkling her nose as she lovingly looked down at Lena.

 

            “I don’t doubt that you would,” Lena laughed, “happy birthday, my love.” With another kiss goodbye, Lena left Kara’s chambers, pausing to see if anyone was around before she made her exit.

 

\---

 

            Kara spent the rest of the early morning eating breakfast with Alex, Eliza and Astra, and then meeting with her council members to run over everything for the feast before it started at midday. She found her eyes darting over to Lillian every so often, trying to see if she really did know the truth about Kara’s relationship with her daughter, for it wasn’t too difficult to see it – many people had figured it our already – but it seemed like those who had known Kara and Lena as children were less inclined to see it as more than just the rekindling of a long lost friendship, rather than the love it was. Finding nothing on Lillian’s face, Kara felt her suspicions fade away, and she turned her attention back to the last few details about what time the entertainers should perform, what time the dancing should begin, and which courses Kara would like brought out first.

 

            Eventually everything was ready, and Kara made her way back to her chambers to splash some water on her face and slip into the blue dress she’d asked to be set out for her. It was a warm dress, embroidered with small blue flowers, and the colour was a pale shade of blue that made her eyes stand out, and she hoped that Lena would like it. Her crown circled her head, and Kara quickly pinned her curls back into a low bun, sliding in a golden flower pin that Lena had slipped into her hair over a year ago now. She hadn’t returned it, and Kara had kept it along with the handkerchief Lena had given her, and cherished them both as she wallowed in the misery of unrequited love. How wrong she had been.

 

            After dabbing some scented oil to her neck and wrists, Kara threw her shoulders back and walked over to the door. Streaky bounded off the bed and wagged her tail as she waited for Kara to open the door, and she laughed as she followed the wolf outside. She came up to Kara’s waist now, her speckled grey fur thick for the winter, and Kara curled her fingers in it as she walked down the hallway, making her way towards the great hall.

 

            As she approached the open doors, the guards either side announced her, and the full dining hall fell silent. There were hundreds of people gathered in there, and Kara lifted her chin as she walked down the aisle between the long rows of tables, taking in the hundreds of candles strewn around the place, and the boughs of mistletoe decortating the room. She nodded to some of the guests as everyone stood and bowed or curtsied to her, and soon enough she was climbing the platform and taking her place behind the table. Before sitting down, Kara picked up a jug of cherry wine and filled her cup, raising it and holding it high as everyone scrambled to copy her.

 

            “On this day, we are not only celebrating Midwinter, but the end of a war. There has been much sacrifice, and many lost lives, and today we honour them for their courage and bravery. Hail the dead.” The resounding toast was deafening, and everyone sipped from their cups, before Kara lowered hers and fiddled with the stem of the goblet, rolling the sweet cherry wine around her mouth. “Today is the changing of the tides, and the start of a new harvest year, and we must also pay our respects to the gods. I ask that you all pray for a bountiful harvest this year, and that the gods gift us with good fortune. To the gods!”

 

            After the second toast, Kara sat down and everyone else followed suit. She met Lena’s eyes from where she sat, as close to the high table as she could be without actually being on it, and Kara raised her goblet in the tiniest toast, a secret smile on her lips as she drank some more of the wine, the dark red of the cherries staining her lips. Reaching for a slice of warm, thickly cut bread, Kara tore a piece off and threw it into the brazier as an offering, before she placed the rest of it on her plate and turned to Astra.

 

            “Aunt, I would like to visit the crypts later on this evening to pay my respects to my parents. I was hoping that you would accompany me,” Kara said, a hopeful look on her face.

 

            “It would be an honour, niece,” Astra said, dipping her head in agreement, and Kara smiled brightly at her, spooning some hot stew into her bowl. Tearing off chunks of bread, Kara dipped them into her stew and took a bite as she let her gaze wander around the room. It was filled with the dulled sound of hundreds of conversations going on, and her eyes landed on Lena, who was silently eating her food as she looking around with a brooding look on her face. Kara bit back a smile as she watched her shoot the nearest lord a dirty look when he tried to strike up conversation with her, and a small flicker of guilt welled up inside at the feeling that she’d abandoned Lena. It wouldn’t be appropriate for her to join Kara on the raised platform just because they were friends – as far an anyone else knew – and Kara had begrudgingly promised to do things the right way until she came clean about her true feelings for Lena. If everything else was as it should be, perhaps everyone would take the truth with a little more grace than they would otherwise.

 

            Still, Kara was quick to fill herself up, listening to the sound of the musicians and singers, and watching the jugglers and acrobats make their way up and down the aisles as they entertained the guests. As soon as she was finished eating, she got to her feet and proclaimed it time for dancing, and bid everyone to enjoy themselves while she made for the throne room. Dozens followed after her, none quicker than Lena, and the musicians started up a familiar court song as Kara swept in, the skirts of her dress brushing the stone floor. Walking up the steps leading to her throne, Kara sat herself down and watched as more guests came in. Soon enough, the middle of the throne room was filled with pairs of dancers, twirling and quickly stepping along to the sound of music, while others filled cups with dark mead or winter berry wines, and picked at the display of food set out along the edges of the massive room.

 

            Spotting Lena stood off to the right of the stepped platform, holding two goblets and looking at Kara with hope, Kara’s intense stare softened, and she beckoned her forward. Curtsying, Lena offered Kara one of the cups and she took it with her thanks. “Are you enjoying the feast, Lady Lena?” Kara asked, a smile curling her lips as she brought the goblet to her lips and took a sip.

 

            “Mm, it has taken a turn for the better,” Lena said, biting back a smile as she stared out at the crowd before them. “If Your Majesty would permit it, may I offer you a compliment?”

 

            “You may,” Kara said, keeping her face straight.

 

            Lena’s lips twitched slightly, and she cleared her throat, peeking at Kara out of the corner of eye. “You look beautiful,” Lena murmured, “and that colour blue against your eyes … pleases me.”

 

            Kara fought back a flush at Lena’s words, and she took another sip of wine to busy herself for a moment. “Then I would thank you, and tell you that you also look beautiful. The vision of Lorra, if she were to take human form.”

 

            “You flatter me, Your Majesty,” Lena said, turning to fully face Kara. She had to take another drink as she stared at Lena, for her cheeks were rosy, eyes sparkling and her parted lips were stained red, and Kara wanted to kiss her more than anything. If it hadn’t been for the dozens of people packed into the room, she would’ve.

 

            “Perhaps I can flatter you some more and ask for the honour of your first dance of the evening,” Kara said, raising her eyebrows expectantly. Lena hesitated for a moment, her eyes flickering around as she took in the other people in the room. “It’s alright, Lena, we have danced before everyone before, and no one was any the wiser.”

 

            Bowing her head, Lena drained her cup and took Kara’s empty one, walking down the steps to leave them on a table as Kara climbed to her feet. They made their way to the middle of the dancing couples, and they both curtsied to each other, before they raised their right palms and pressed them against each other, the other arm tucked behind their backs as they moved in circles to the sound of the music. They had danced before, and Kara had prayed that Lena returned her affections then, but now, knowing that she did, it felt even more thrilling to have everyone watch them spin in slow circles as they smiled. Kara was careful to keep a safe distance between them both, lest they get too close and give off even the slightest suggestion of their true feelings, but still, they both smiled widely, enjoying themselves as they spent time together publicly. Neither of them would ever complain about it, but trying to creep around the castle was tiring, and it was a relief to have some harmless fun without worrying if they would be caught.

 

            It was the best birthday Kara could ever remember having.

 

\---

 

            It was late, and the feat was still in full swing. The sun had long since set, bringing darkness and snow in its absence, and everyone was feeling the effects of good food, strong ale and cheerful music. Kara had drunk her fill of cherry wine and amber ale, and her fingers tingled as she laughed at something Alex said. After hours of drinking and laughing with her closest friends, Kara was starting to get a bit drunk, and she swayed slightly on her feet.

 

            “Perhaps it’s time for you to retire for the night, sister,” Alex murmured in her ear, steadying Kara as she pitched forward slightly.

 

            “Mm, yes, I think so,” Kara laughed, burying her face in Alex’s shoulder as her shoulders shook. “Where is Lena? We should go to bed.”

 

            “Hush, sister,” Alex quietly chided her in her ear, casting a look around to make sure no one had understood Kara’s mumbled words. Kara heard Alex talk to those present, before she felt gentle hands shake her upright and guide her through the room. Nodding to those she passed by, Kara tried to keep her composure as she walked through the throne room and out into the entryway of the castle. It was cooler outside the throne room, and the sudden cold seemed to perk Kara up as Alex led her past the great hall, nodding to Astra and Eliza, who were deep in conversation at the high table, and leading her upstairs.

 

            Kara didn’t stop giggling and babbling as she stumbled her way upstairs, leaning heavily on Alex, who looked amused as she led her to her room. The fire was burning low in the fireplace when they got to Kara’s chambers, and Streaky wandered over to it and made herself comfortable near the warmth while Alex led Kara over to the bed and let her flop down on it. With a sigh, Alex gently tugged Kara’s boots off, and then her crown, before she fetched a thick nightgown from Kara’s wardrobe. Letting Alex prop her up and undo the laces of her corset, Kara quietly sang a drinking song, punctuating it with laughs and hiccups, and Alex bit back a smile, thinking about the hangover Kara would have in the morning. At least this time she hadn’t got into any tavern brawls over anyone’s honour, so she wouldn’t have bruises to accompany the headache though.

 

            Dressed in her nightgown, Kara was helped under the covers and Alex tucked her in, kissing her on the forehead, before letting out a quiet laugh and wishing her a goodnight. Kara mumbled a reply, her words slurring slightly, and listened as Alex let herself out. As Kara’s eyes began to flutter shut, the thought of Lena jolted her awake, and she struggled upright, the blankets pooling around her waist as she reached out for the empty space that Lena had occupied for the past few weeks. She had been close to Kara all night, never more than a few feet away, and she could remember seeing her not too long before Alex suggested that she go to bed. With a determined look on her face, Kara stumbled out of bed and reached for the embroidered blanket Lena had made for her, wrapping it around herself as she padded barefoot over to the door.

 

            The hallway was still lit, and Kara followed the line of torches to the corner leading to Lena’s room, pausing when she heard raised voices coming up the hallway. She knew she shouldn’t eavesdrop, but one of them was Lena, and the other was undeniably Lillian.

 

            “Lena! Do _not_ walk away from me when I’m talking to you,” Lillian snapped, and Lena let out a huff of frustration.

 

            “What do you _want,_ mother? I tire of our arguments.”

 

            “I want you to think about what you’re doing,” Lillian hissed, “you are a mess. Just look at yourself! You had everything you could ever have wanted, and you’ve lost it all. And for what?”

 

            Lena let out a snort of laughter, and Kara could picture her rolling her eyes, her arms crossed over her chest and a sarcastically arched eyebrow. “I didn’t have everything I wanted,” Lena scoffed, “I had everything _you_ wanted _for_ me _._ Do not think me unhappy for realizing that I deserve better.”

 

            “Better than what? A husband who loves you? Money, position and power? What have you gained by letting him set you aside in favour of another woman? By half starving yourself and isolating yourself from everything that gave you status?”

 

            “Happiness,” Lena stated, and a small smile spread across Kara’s face as she leant against the wall to keep her balance.

 

            Lillian laughed dismissively, “happiness? You are a fool to think that it is worth more than what you have lost.”

 

            “Why do you _care?”_ Lena asked, sounding tired and exasperated.

 

            “You’re my daughter,” Lillian stiffly replied, “you are the sole heir to everything that belongs to our house, and I would not see you give up everything for _happiness_.”

 

            “Oh please, don’t act like this isn’t about how it looks to the court. Your bastard daughter that you never wanted has further shamed our house by being set aside by her husband for being barren. I know how much that hurts your pride, and I know that I have always been a disappointment to you. No matter how much I tried, I could never be the perfect daughter, and it was unfair for you to hold your husband’s sins against me, for that was the real reason why you resented me. Admit it.”

 

            “Lena-“

 

            Her temper flared up and she let out a huff of frustration, “do _not_ try and lie to me, for I am not a child. It does not hurt as much as it once did, to know that you have never loved me the way you loved Lex. Even now, you still love him more than me, and you would have our places switched if you had the chance, would you not? Even thought he would betray his Queen and kingdom, and everything you stand for,” Lena laughed, “I guess he was not so perfect either.”

 

            “This isn’t about you being perfect, Lena! This is about you doing what is best for yourself, and you are making all the wrong decisions,” Lillian snapped.

 

            “I am _not_ ,” Lena argued, “they are only wrong to _you_. You knew I didn’t want to marry Jack, and you _still_ manipulated me into it. Why do you _care_ so much about what I do? It doesn’t matter to you – I have already disappointed you, so to do so again should be of little concern.”

 

            “Of course it matters! I have only ever done what I thought was best for you, and you have resented me for it! I got you a proper marriage so that no one would whisper snide remarks behind your back for being a bastard. I brought you to court with me so that you could be raised as a lady, and you are the Queen’s closest friend because of it. Do you think it was your father who petitioned to Lady In-Ze to have you legitimized? No, it was me again. It was _I_ who killed that _bitch_ , not you. _I_ saved you from being cursed by the gods for killing your own blood. If you think that I resent you, then think again, daughter, for I have done more for you than you think.”

 

            Lena was silent, and Kara stood wide-eyed and silent around the corner, trying to sort out the conversation in her drunken state. She knew that she should leave, and she quietly turned around, letting her fingers trail along the cold bricks as she kept her balance. The sound of her name made her pause.

 

            “And you speak of your brother betraying our Queen, when you have done just as much.”

 

            There was a choking sound from Lena, and Kara turned back around, creeping forward again. “You don’t know what you speak of,” Lena said after a moment, “and you are unsure, otherwise I have no doubt you would follow through on your promise to run me through with your sword. Ask Her Majesty, she will tell you the truth.”

 

            “Perhaps I shall,” Lillian haughtily replied, “although I had better make sure it is not late at night, for I would not wish to disturb the two of you.” Kara felt the blood drain out of her face, and she blanched at Lillian’s words. Lena had been right; she knew. “Yes, I saw you the other night, sneaking into her quarters when you should have been in your room. Whatever it is you are doing, I would think twice about doing it again … people might get the wrong impression.”

 

            To Kara’s surprise, Lena burst out laughing. “Mother, I can assure you, whatever you are insinuating is far from the truth. She was tortured, as I’m sure you well know, for you saw her upon her arrival to the camp, long before I did myself. As you have already pointed out, I am her closest friend, and Her Majesty requested that I keep her company to distract her thoughts from the things she endured. The circles under her eyes should be enough to convince you that she is not sleeping properly, and the same would be said for myself. Should our friendship not allow us the liberty of leaning on each other when we need support?”

 

            “Then she should seek help from her mother, not from idle chitchat with you,” Lillian replied, sounding uncertain. There was doubt in her mind now, for it was entirely plausible that Kara would ask Lena to keep her company to stave off nightmares, which Kara was sure was well known throughout the castle, for she had spent weeks in the back of a wagon, screaming whenever she awoke from nightmares.

 

            “She may do whatever she wishes,” Lena said, “and you would do well not to question her. If you desire to ask her about that too though, I’m sure she would set your mind at ease. I wouldn’t want you to get the wrong impression.” Kara bit back a laugh at Lena’s words, covering her mouth with a hand. She heard Lillian’s disapproving sniff, but she was silent, and Kara started to creep back down the hallway, hearing Lena dismissively bid her mother a goodnight.

 

            Back in her rooms, Kara crawled back into bed, draping her blanket back over herself. She lay there for a while, her mind fuzzy as she ran over the conversation, and she wished that she could go to Lena, but she didn’t dare now that she knew that Lillian was skulking around in the shadows. Soon enough, the door to her room creaked open though, and Kara sat upright, rubbing at her tired eyes as she watched Lena walk across the dimly lit room. Rolling over to the other side of the bed, Kara pulled the blankets down for Lena, and felt the mattress lower as Lena climbed in beside her.

 

            They were both silent for a moment as Lena crawled into Kara’s embrace, resting her head on Kara’s chest as she flung her arm across her waist. “My mother suspects,” Lena whispered, and Kara let out a hysterical laugh, shaking beneath the weight of Lena.

 

            “I know,” Kara laughed, “I was- I-I accidentally might’ve maybe eavesdropped. Just- just a little.”

 

            “Are you _drunk_?” Lena exclaimed, sitting upright and peering at Kara in the dark. Reaching out, Kara smoothe away the frown between Lena’s eyebrows, quietly laughing to herself as she cupped Lena’s cheek.

 

            “Well, it’s definitely possible that I had one or two drinks,” Kara slurred slightly, laughing again.

 

            Lena let out a quiet snort of laughter, “Kara, I fetched you at least five myself. It’s a wonder that you’re still awake, I would’ve thought you passed out by now.”

 

            Another round of laughter ensued and Kara clapped a hand over her mouth to muffle the sound, while Lena laughed at her. “And sleep without you? I-I came to find you. Your mother was quite rude, and a bit nice. Are we really friends because of her?”

 

            “No, we’re friends because I was the only person who climbed the cherry tree when you commanded us all to. Do you remember? I mustn’t have been older than seven, and you were quite a demanding princess. I fell and twisted my ankle, and you helped me inside and told my mother that it was your fault and that you would see to my recovery yourself,” Lena murmured, running her fingers over one of Kara’s high cheekbones. “You wouldn’t let me move for a week, and you had your servants treat me like a princess.”

 

            “Mm, well I do not regret making you climb the tree,” Kara laughed, “and I shall handle your mother for you.”

 

            “When you’re sober, I hope,” Lena quipped, and Kara let out another quiet laugh.

 

            “I think I would end up giving us away if I were to have a talk with her right now,” Kara said, cracking a smile as she brushed a lock of hair off Lena’s shoulder. “Right now, I would kiss you.”

 

            Lena let out a quiet laugh, shifting further up the bed until they were face to face, and then she was kissing Kara, and their worries about being found out seemed to disappear for a moment. Kara’s drunken mind irrationally whispered that it wouldn’t be so bad if people knew, and as she kissed Lena, she silently agreed with herself. There was nothing in the world that could make her feel like kissing Lena was wrong, and if she ever had to pick between publicly choosing Lena or letting her go for the sake of a secret, Kara knew that she would gladly tell the whole kingdom of her love.

 

            “I love you,” Kara whispered against Lena’s lips, and she felt Lena smile as she gave her another kiss.

 

            “Happy birthday, my love,” Lena murmured, and Kara smiled too.


	43. Chapter 43

            “Raising the taxes would be a good way to ensure that the kingdom has enough to cover the costs of rebuilding, while still making a small profit,” Lillian explained, and Kara let out a sound of frustration.

 

            “I will  _not_  raise the taxes on those who are already starving. The common folk cannot afford to give up their livestock so that a few buildings can be fixed. No, if we are to rebuild, I would have us trade with other kingdoms. We have mines, and trees, and jewels – there are kingdoms who would pay well for all three. If we can get those without a livelihood to provide the labour in return for food and housing, then we shall be able to keep everyone fed while making a profit. If it comes to it, we can trade for food. I’m sure Themyscria would not be opposed to trading with a Queen.”

 

            “I am inclined to agree with my niece,” Astra said, giving Kara a nod of encouragement.

 

            Winn was consulted for the cost and manpower of such labour, and finding no better way to go about, all members of the council were quick to agree, especially once the High Priestess had agreed that it would be more pleasing to gods if the kingdom didn’t starve so stone could be repaired. Even Lillian begrudgingly agreed, and soon enough they had a rough plan and they all had their jobs to do. Soon the meeting came to an end, and as Kara stood, they all climbed to their feet and filed out of the council room behind her. With her mind set on Lena, Kara set off to find her, but froze at the sound of Lillian calling out to her.

 

            “Your Majesty, may I please have a word?” Lillian asked, bowing her head slightly as Kara looked at her. A flicker of panic ran through Kara’s mind as she thought about the conversation she had heard between Lena and her mother a week ago. Lillian hadn’t approached her since then, but it looked like they were about to discuss the matters now.

 

            “You may,” Kara said, waiting for Lillian to catch up to her. As they started to walk down the hall, Kara waited expectantly for Lillian to speak, and her curiosity grew when she didn’t. Kara quickly picked a small empty room and slipped inside, sitting herself down before the fire as Lillian followed her in and shut the door. “I assume it was a private word you wanted?”

 

            “It is,” Lillian said, hesitating slightly as she stared at Kara. “Well, Your Majesty, it is a matter of my daughter. She has told me that you are having difficulty sleeping.”

 

            Giving her a tight smile, Kara nodded slightly, “it is true. She has been a great source of comfort in the late hours – I find our talks distract me from troubling thoughts. Although, I believe that I may be disturbing her from her own sleeping.”

 

            “Her sleep is troubled too,” Lillian said, her eyes still drilling into Kara’s as she tried to spot a lie. Kara was careful to think over her words before speaking them, for she knew that even the slightest stumble would be picked up by Lillian.

 

            “She did not share that with me,” Kara said, her eyebrows rising slightly in fake surprise, “perhaps I could speak to my mother and ask for her to arrange a sleeping draught to help Lena sleep.”

 

            “That is most … gracious of you, Your Majesty. If you would take my advice, I would arrange for some for yourself as well.”

 

            Kara gave her a warm smile, flashing her teeth at her, “your concern is very touching, and perhaps you are right. Was there any other matters you wished to discuss?”

 

            “There is a sensitive matter … I would not wish to overstep, Your Majesty.”

 

            “Indeed.”

 

            “Your capture … Lena was there with you?”

 

            She let a spasm of pain flash across her face, and it wasn’t entirely fake either, for the memories of the torture were still fresh in Kara’s mind. “Ah, yes, she was. I fear that perhaps I took advantage of our friendship by making her bear witness to my actions, but I knew that anyone else would try and stop me.”

 

            “Your friendship,” Lillian said slowly, her eyes narrowing the slightest bit, “is very important to her, and I am sure that Lena would be glad to do her duty to her Queen. I cannot help but think that perhaps it was made more difficult by the presence of Rhea, for you knew that she was her mother, did you not?”

 

            “I did indeed,” Kara agreed. “Another reason why I asked for her to accompany me. I had hoped that Lena would be a middle ground for the meeting, and that Rhea might’ve bore some small amount of love that would have let my messenger live and return to camp. Luckily, I was right.”

 

            “Has Lena ever spoken to you about her mother?”

 

            Kara hesitated again, letting a small smile tug at the corners of her lips. “Indeed she has, Lady Lillian. She has confided in me about  _you_ , and I would not betray her trust by telling you of what she has said. All I would have you know that you are her mother in every sense of the word though, and if you mean to ask if she has spoken of Rhea to me, as I know that is your intent, then I am sorry to inform you that we have only spoken of her once when I was made aware of their blood relation. Other than that, we have not, for Lena would not call her mother.”

 

            Lillian looked mildly surprised, and a little less suspicious, and Kara tried to relax as she waited for a reply. “Then I am glad to hear it,” Lillian said, bowing her head. “And I am grateful that you place such trust in my daughter, and have shown her such kindness … given the circumstances.”

 

            “We are not in control of circumstances,” Kara replied somewhat stiffly. “Were there any other matters you wished to discuss?”

 

            “No, I believe that is all. Thank you for your time, Your Majesty,” Lillian said, giving Kara a slight curtsy. Climbing to her feet, Kara gave her a nod, and they both slipped back out into the hallway, parting ways with a quick goodbye.

 

            Making her way back up through the castle, Kara slipped back into her quarters, smiling at the sight of Lena reading in front of the fire. She put the book down as Kara entered, giving her a wide smile and climbing to her feet. Kara took the crown off, letting out a weary sigh as Lena walked over to her.

 

            “How was the meeting, my dear?” Lena asked taking the crown out of Kara’s hands and setting down on the table. Her hands went to the chain that held Kara’s heavy cloak in place, and she quickly lifted it over Kara’s head and draped it over the back of a chair.

 

            “Long,” Kara sighed, reaching out to pull Lena closer, and placing a hungry kiss on her lips. Pressing herself up against Lena, she knotted her fingers in the long dark waves, and ran her other hand down the back of her dress, feeling the laces of the corset beneath her fingers. She reached Lena’s lower back and held her waist tightly, kissing Lena’s cheek before she mumbled against her skin, “I spoke with your mother.”

 

            Lena pulled back, looking up at Kara with concern. “What did she say? What did  _you_  say?”

 

            “I told her the same lies you did, and I  _think_  she believed me,” Kara said, “or at any rate, she did not seem  _more_  suspicious, which is not quite as reassuring, but …”

 

            “At least it’s something,” Lena sighed, leaning back in to give Kara a quick peck. “It is almost midday, have you eaten yet? I had a mind to go to the kitchens and cook as we used to when we were children. If you joined me, I doubt it would look suspicious.”

 

            “Mm, I would like that,” Kara said, smiling as she kissed Lena on the cheek. “I would not complain at all, but I wish we did not have to spend so much time shut inside my room.”

 

            Lena mumbled an agreement as she found Kara’s lips again, “I know, I feel the same way, but we have more freedom here than we did at the camp. At least now I may kiss you without fearing that the walls have eyes.”

 

            Quietly laughing, Kara laced her fingers through Lena’s, lifting their joined hands and kissing the back of Lena’s. She pulled them towards the door, and as she opened it, she dropped Kara’s hands and gave her wolf a stern order to stay where she lay by the fire. They walked through the castle, descending staircases as they headed towards the kitchens, and as they passed others in the hallways, Kara would nod in acknowledgement of their bows. By the time they finally made it to the kitchen, her stomach was rumbling and Lena was biting back an amused smile.

 

            The kitchens were busy as cooks and servants rushed around preparing a midday meal for the occupants of the castle, and Kara almost went unnoticed as she snuck through the vast room with Lena in tow. She did get a lot of wide-eyed looks though as her and Lena claimed an empty counter and stood around it, trying to ignore everyone else.

 

            “What are we feasting on today, cook?” Kara asked, raising her eyebrows as she smiled.

 

            “Hm, well you can park yourself on a stool, and I shall see what I can scrounge up,” Lena said, casting her eyes around the room.

 

            “Am I not helping?”

 

            Lena let out a snort of laughter as her gaze returned to Kara’s face. “As I recall, you used to spend more time eating the ingredients than making the food when we were younger.”

 

            Kara just shrugged as she laughed, for it was true, and obeyed Lena’s instructions, sitting down on one of the stools near the counter. She watched quietly as Lena pilfered a few hot buns from a nearby tray and deposited them in front of Kara with a small smile, before she started to pull out pots and ingredients from various shelves. Kara ate while she watched, and kept up a running stream of conversation, making sure if was harmless gossip that would be common for friends to share with each other. Lena made few remarks as she rolled out the dough she had made, sprinkling it with sweet spices and cutting out perfect circles. Soon enough, Kara was full from all the food that had been sent her way by the cooks and servants, and she stood side by side with Lena as they watched the flat cakes rise slightly in the oven.

 

            Once they were ready, they sat down in a quiet corner of the kitchens, a pot of sweet tea next to the piled plate, and they ate and laughed, all but oblivious to the rest of the kitchen. Lena watched as Kara managed to fit in another three cakes on top of all the food she’d already eaten, and bit her lip to stop herself from smiling as she looked at Kara’s appearance. She hadn’t even helped to make the cakes, yet the front of her dress had a fine dusting of flour on it, and her short curls had escaped from the pins that held her hair in place. “How is it that you managed to get so dirty doing nothing?” Lena asked, trying not to smile as she watched a shower of crumbs fall into Kara’s lap. She had to stop herself from reaching out to brush them away.

 

            “Nothing? I was  _very_  invested in the cooking process, thank you very much,” Kara huffed, her eyes crinkling as she smiled and brushed a stray curl out of her face.

 

            “My apologies,” Lena laughed, picking up her teacup and taking a sip. “Perhaps you could invest your time in other things, if you are not busy.”

 

            “Oh? And what things would they be?” Kara murmured, her eyebrows rising slightly as she picked up her own tea.

 

            Lena slowly shrugged, smiling around the rim of her teacup. “Well I would have to show you. Not that I don’t like you looking a little …  _disheveled_ , but perhaps you might need my help tidying yourself up.”

 

            Kara fought back a blush, taking a sip of tea as she tried to hide the thrill that ran through her at Lena’s words. There was something about shamelessly flirting in public that made it all the more exciting. “You are awfully bold, Lady Lena,” Kara said. “I wonder if you are all talk.”

 

            “How about we find out,” Lena challenged, her smile growing wider as she watched Kara squirm slightly, her cheeks turning pink. “I wouldn’t be opposed to turning words into actions.”

 

            “You are cruel to tease me,” Kara said, giving her an exasperated look.

 

            “And who said I was teasing?”

 

            Grimacing, Kara gave Lena a flustered look and reached for another cake to busy her hands. She didn’t reply, and Lena’s playful look disappeared, replaced with a slightly perturbed look as she reached out and gently touched Kara’s arm. As soon as Lena touched her arm, Kara slowly moved it out of Lena’s reach, letting her hands fall uselessly back into her lap – even a small touch would not go unnoticed in such a packed room. “Kara, I was only-“

 

            “I know,” Kara softly said, giving her a pained smile, “but do not pretend that you do not want to, for I know that you would be lying.”

 

            “Perhaps we should leave,” Lena murmured, casting a wary look around at the servants. It wasn’t exactly a conversation for public places. With a quick look at the pile of uneaten cakes, Kara grabbed a couple and wrapped them in the handkerchief she carried with her – a new one that Lena had embroidered for her – and picked up the rest, offering them to the nearest servants. She quickly set off through the kitchens, setting a fast pace that left Lena hurrying to keep up with her.

 

            Up winding staircases, and down mostly empty corridors, Kara rushed through the castle, and Lena’s quick footsteps behind her signaled her following her. “Kara!” Lena quietly hissed, trying to catch up. “Slow down a moment, please.”

 

            Coming to a stop, Kara looked down both ends of the hallway, before grabbing Lena by the hand and dragging her into the nearest room. She had enough time to dimly acknowledge the hundreds of birds on their perches and the freezing wind blowing in through the glassless windows, before she turned on Lena. The door had barely clicked shut behind them when Kara was roughly pushing Lena up against the wooden planks, her lips coming down in a hard kiss. It took Lena off guard and her mouth fell open slightly, which made it all the more easier for Kara to let her tongue run along Lena’s bottom lip, giving it a gentle tug with her teeth. Lena moaned into Kara’s mouth, pushing back against her, put finding herself being pushed back against the door as Kara pinned her in place with a hand on her waist and the other on her shoulder.

 

            It was a short while later when Lena stumbled forward into Kara as someone tried to push the door open. It quickly slammed shut before they could open it, and Lena fell back against the wood, looking at Kara with wide eyes.

 

            “Hello?” a muffled voice came from outside, and Kara quickly let go of Lena, all but diving away from her to put some distance between them. She crossed her arms over her chest, one hand covering her mouth as she tried to look casual and watched as Lena stepped away from the door as someone tried to force it open again.

 

            To Kara’s surprise and relief, Lucy walked inside, a letter clutched in her hands and a frown on her face. “Oh! Lady Lena, you- oh! Your Majesty.”

 

            “Lucy,” Kara nodded in acknowledgement, giving her a small smile.

 

            “W-we were just-“ Lena attempted, but Lucy was looking between the two of them, a look of surprise on her face as she took in their flushed cheeks, slightly swollen lips and disheveled appearances. “We were …”

 

            “Oh,  _oh_ , you- the two of you-,” Lucy stammered, her mouth falling open in shock. She seemed to remember who she was addressing, and quickly bowed her head. “Forgive me, Your Majesty. I beg your pardon for the interruption.”

 

            Kara felt her face turn even redder, but she tried her best to remain regal as she raised her chin and cleared her throat slightly. “I would ask that you keep quiet about … this. You will not even tell your husband.”

 

            “Of course not, Your Majesty,” Lucy quickly agreed. They were all silent for a moment, and Kara could feel the awkwardness growing as Lena avoided looking at either of them, Kara anxiously looked between both girls, and Lucy stared at Kara with poorly veiled shock. “Forgive me, I just- I was not aware that you …”

 

            “It is not publicly known, obviously,” Kara mumbled, scratching the back of her neck as she looked down at the floor.

 

            “Obviously,” Lucy echoed, and then she hesitated slightly, “well, I should send my letter.”

 

            Kara looked up with a relieved look on her face, grasping at any attempt to divert the conversation. “Is it to your sister? Lois hasn’t returned any of the letters I’ve sent her. How is she?”

 

            “She is keeping well, despite everything. She does not write often, for she is still grieving for our father as well as her husband. I had a mind to go to Xan City to be with her through the rest of her pregnancy.”

 

            “I had invited her to come here upon my arrival, so that she may receive the best care, but I fear that the winter storms may be too much for her to travel in. I hope that she will come in the spring though, and have the child here. It, ah, will be my heir,” Kara said, her eyes darting to Lena for just a moment.

 

            Lucy’s eyes darted over to Lena too, who was still looking away, seeming fascinated by one of the ravens. “Well, I’m sure that my sister will agree if you ask,” Lucy said, giving Kara a small smile. Everyone fell silent again and Lucy walked over to a raven, quickly tying the letter to the bird’s leg and carrying it over to the window. It flapped its dark wings against the breeze and Lucy let it go, watching as it soared away, rising the currents before it got its balance and started flapping away. She turned back around, bowing her head to Kara once more. “Your Majesty.”

 

            Kara nodded to her, giving her a strained smile as she watched Lucy head towards the door, giving Lena a silent nod, and then walked outside. The door shut behind her and Lena’s tense shoulders dropped as she let out a frustrated sigh. “Fuck!”

 

            “It’s okay,” Kara quickly reassured her, crossing the gap between them and reaching out to grip her upper arms. She soothing rubbed Lena’s arms, giving her a small smile. “She will not tell.”

 

            “I know that she won’t, Kara, but sometimes it seems as if half of the fucking castle knows! If we are not careful we will be found out!”

 

            “Weren’t you the one who was suggesting that you help me out of my clothes not a half hour ago?” Kara joked, and Lena shot her an unimpressed look.

 

            Looking away from Kara, Lena made a small sound of disapproval. “Be serious, Kara. You would keep us a secret until you can bring the council around to your side, and if we continue like this, we shall be found out. If it is the wrong person, then you  _know_  what could happen. They are already whispering about a husband for you so that you can produce an heir.”

 

            Kara winced slightly, “you know that I would not agree to that.”

 

            “That isn’t the point, Kara. It is the fact that we are not being careful enough, and if you want to keep it a secret, we shall need to stop this during the day.”

 

            “What, so you warm my bed at night and that’s it?” Kara sharply asked, frowning slightly as she looked down at Lena. “Or not even that, for James and Winn could find out, if they do not already know. Am I to ban you from my rooms so that my mother does not walk in and see you there? Or my aunt? I would not be ashamed for them to find out, Lena. I do not keep it a secret out of my own desire to – it is out of necessity.”

 

            “I know,” Lena sighed, the fight draining out of her as she looked up at Kara with a small pout on her face. “I just want all of you.”

           

            “You do have all of me, whether I have to hide the fact that you do, or not,” Kara assured her, smiling as she reached out to brush Lena’s hair out of her face and gently kiss her. Lena sighed again, less frustrated this time as Kara kissed her way down Lena’s neck. She heard Lena’s breathing hitch as she hit her collarbone, placing a kiss to the hollow between the two of them, and pulling the neck of Lena’s dress down as much as possible to kiss even lower. Lena’s fingers were knotted in her hair, and she could feel her tighten her grip and Kara smiled against her skin, before straightening up. She brushed her lips against Lena’s earlobe, feeling a shiver of pleasure run through Lena. “We should go before someone else walks in.”

 

            “Next time pick a more deserted room,” Lena snarkily replied.

 

            A laugh of surprise burst out of Kara, and she looked over her shoulder at Lena with a look of amusement on her face as she pulled the door open. “And here I thought you were just warning me off doing it again, my love.”

 

            Lena gave her a rude gesture, grumbling under her breath as she followed Kara out into the deserted hallway. Straightening the bodice of her dress and running a hand over her skirts, Lena pursed her lips as she narrowed her eyes at Kara.

 

            “Hey,” Kara murmured, reaching out to brush her little finger against Lena’s. “I love you.”

 

            The grumpy lines of Lena’s face softened at the words, and she gave Kara an adoring smile that lit up her eyes. “And I you, my darling.”


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next round of angst is still a few chapters off, so I'm trying to make it a bit nice for you in the meantime

            “Good morning, my love,” Kara quietly sang, brushing Lena’s hair off her shoulder and placing a kiss there. She got a grumbling sound in return and Lena rolled over, shoving her face into a pillow. Kara let out a quiet laugh, reaching after her to tickle Lena’s back, and letting her hands roam lower. Lena bolted upright with a strangled laugh as Kara burst into laughter.

 

            “Stop tickling my ass,” Lena huffed, turning to face Kara and giving her a grumpy look.

 

            “You weren’t waking up,” Kara protested, reaching out to kiss her. “Good morning.”

 

            Lena kissed her back, smiling against Kara’s lips. “I was having a good dream,” Lena grumbled, “a very good dream.”

 

            “Am I not a good enough substitute?” Kara asked, her eyebrows rising slightly, and Lena let out a laugh as she jumped on her, pinning her down in place. Slowly, she lowered herself down, giving Kara a slow, teasing kiss, and the smile on Lena’s face when she pulled back let her know that she knew _exactly_ what she was doing. “It’s not nice to tease. Especially your queen.”

 

            “Forgive me, Your Majesty,” Lena smirked, “perhaps you should leave your crown at the door when we’re in here, so that I can distract you from your troubles.” Her words were punctuated with kisses, and Kara squirmed slightly beneath Lena’s weight. Through the fine cotton of her nightdress, Kara could feel each of Lena’s fingertips pressed into her waist, and she had to force herself not to push up against her, for it would only make her situation more difficult for them both.

 

            “I should get dressed,” Kara sighed, “I have a meeting with Lord Lord.”

 

            “A tragic title if ever you asked me,” Lena snorted, rolling off the topic of Kara and flopping down beside her.

 

            Kara let out a quick laugh, propping herself up on an elbow. “Yet, he is one of the most knowledgable men in the Science Guild, and he has plans that may improve our harvest this year. Spring is only a few weeks away, and we shall need as much help as possible to ensure that we benefit as much as possible.”

 

            “Have you chosen a new tenant for Lady Ursa’s lands outside Argo City? I know we left them in quite a state with the war, but they have always been some of the most fertile lands.”

 

            “Mm, your mother was telling me the same thing. I had considered it passing on to Ursa’s heir – she seems a capable young girl, and as loyal as her aunt,” Kara said, “I can see no other reason why I should not give her a chance.”

 

            “Well, it seems like you’re finding your footing,” Lena said, giving Kara proud smile.

 

            Kara gave her a dark look, grimacing slightly, “with all but your mother, it would seem.”

 

            “Ah, yes, well, I’ve spent decades trying to please that woman and nothing I have done has ever been good enough. Do not expect her to give in without a fight, even if you are the Queen. She is as stubborn as a mule, and used to getting her own way, and there has been no one to oppose her for over a decade. I’m sure you’re a pain in her ass, which pleases me to no end,” Lena laughed.

 

            Kara rolled her eyes, pushing back the blankets and climbing out of bed. She splashed some cold water on her face, waking her up, and wandered over to one of the wide windows. She pulled open the heavy curtains and smile widely as she took out the expanse of white that blinded her. “It’s snowing!”

 

            Lena let out a small laugh, climbing out of bed more slowly and walking up behind Kara. She wound her arms around Kara’s waist, putting her chin on her shoulder as she looked out the window too. “I should think this will be the last of the snow,” Lena murmured, “it is not quite as deep anymore.”

 

            “Then we shall have to make the most of it today,” Kara excitedly told her, and Lena bit back a groan. Whatever Kara had in mind would leave them both dirty, messy and exhausted by the time they dragged themselves inside. “Put on your warmest clothes and I shall meet you back here once I am finished with my meeting.”

 

            Dressing quickly, Kara parted with a quick kiss, leaving Lena to sneak out of her chambers by herself.

 

\---

 

            As soon as the meeting was over, Kara wandered back upstairs, stopping to poke her head into Alex’s room and letting out a startled shout when she saw her sister still in bed with Maggie. She gave it a few seconds before she opened it again and shouted an order to meet her downstairs as quickly as possible, before she walked across the hallway and walked into her own room.

 

            “You look flushed, darling,” Lena commented as Kara walked in, her cheeks flaming red and her mouth open in shock.

 

            “My sister,” Kara choked out, “and Maggie.”

 

            “Oh Kara, you didn’t,” Lena laughed, clapping a hand to her mouth.

 

            “It is late in the morning! I did not think they would still be-“ Kara spluttered, “well, you know …”

 

            Lena climbed to her feet and sauntered over to Kara with a small smirk on her face. “Do I?”

 

            “Lena,” Kara gave her a low warning, and Lena laughed, her breath tickling Kara’s cheek as she bent her head down to kiss Kara’s neck. “You _know_ this isn’t fair,” Kara breathlessly laughed. Her hands were bunched up in the skirts of Lena’s dress, and Kara tilted her head to the side to give Lena better access to her neck.

 

            “I believe we had a snow day planned?” Lena asked, pulling back abruptly, leaving Kara frowning at the lost feeling of her lips against her skin.

 

            “You,” Kara mumbled, giving Lena a hard kiss, “are terribly wicked.”

 

            Lena laughed, picking up her leather gloves off the table and pulling them on. Kara glowered slightly at the amused look on Lena’s face, and then she went to fetch her own gloves and the thickest cloak she could find. Soon enough, they were both dressed and making their way downstairs, where she saw Alex and Maggie dressed similarly. Kara felt her cheeks redden when they looked at her, and she let her eyes slide over to James and Lucy who were walking towards them. Kara hadn’t seen Lucy face to face since a few weeks ago when she’d walked in on her and Lena, and she gave her a hesitant smile, while Lucy returned in full force, even as her eyes darted to Lena for a moment.

 

            Walking outside, Kara was determined to enjoy herself today, for she loved the snow and there had been little time to enjoy it with all the worries of running her country, as well as keeping Lena a secret from almost everyone. Even the fact that more people were finding out was troubling to her, which was why she’d invited all her friends to make it less suspicious. The holes where friends she’d lost had once occupied were very obvious as the six of them walked over to the pavilion that had been set up with food and drinks for them all, and Winn trailed behind slightly, on guard duty for Kara.

 

            They all sat around the table and Alex reached out for a flagon of blackberry wine and started to pour drinks for everyone. It was bitterly cold outside, and a light snowfall drifted down, the snowflakes swirling in the wind as they all sat huddled beneath the pavilion. The castle was a different place in winter, and Kara thought it looked beautiful, despite the lack of green and flowers. There was something about the bare, skeletal trees and the sprawling buildings dusted with snow that made Kara appreciate the beauty of winter. It would all fade soon, and everything would be reborn again, new and more beautiful than ever. She couldn’t wait to take Lena to the poppy field again so that they could spend lazy afternoons beneath the hot sun, eating sweet cakes and drinking strong cider while they kissed and enjoyed themselves away from prying eyes.

 

            She turned her attention to Lena, who had taken a seat across the table from her to avoid suspicion, not just from those present, but others who would be looking out of windows or wandering past to catch a glimpse of the conversation the Queen was having. Lifting her goblet, Kara took a sip, and her eyes landed on Maggie, who was staring back at her. Fighting back a blush at the hard stare, Kara thumped her cup back down and shot to her feet.

 

            “Let us enjoy ourselves,” she proclaimed as everyone else quickly got to their feet. They all looked slightly confused as they followed her out of the pavilion, and then Kara collapsed onto her back with a laugh, her arms and legs spread out wide, and then she started moving them. “Well come on then,” she said, sitting up slightly as everyone watched with amusement.

 

            A moment later she had a faceful of snow, and she spluttered as she glowered at Alex. “I shall get you back for that, sister,” Kara exclaimed, quickly scraping some snow together in a small ball and scrambling to her feet. Alex laughed, yanking Maggie in front of her as Kara threw her snowball. She looked slightly alarmed as the snow struck Maggie in the face, and her apology was lost as a ball of snow struck her in the back of her head. Whirling around, Kara’s eyes landed on Lena, who was shrugging apologetically, and Kara let out a surprised laugh.

 

            They all spent the rest of the morning throwing snowballs at each other, and Kara even tried to get Winn to abandon his post for a few minutes, to no avail. By the time they had all worn themselves out, they were all pink-cheeked and gasping for air, all sporting a light dusting of snow, and Kara shifted uncomfortably as a piece of it melted against the hot skin at the back of her neck and snaked its way down her back. They all sat back down around the table, and Kara picked up her wine, draining the glass in the hopes that the liquor would help warm her up a bit more.

 

            At midday, hot food from the kitchens was brought out, along with a flagon of warm cider, and they all fell upon the food as they spoke. Kara found herself quick to laugh, and smiled the entire time, enjoying herself with her friends for the first time since they had all been travelling on her coronation tour together. She rarely woke up screaming anymore, her mind finally catching up with her body, and while there was still moments where she found herself caught up on being held prisoner by Rhea, she tried not to dwell on it, and moments like this made it all the more easier to push the dark thoughts aside and focus on the laughter.

 

            They stayed outside for hours, until they were all sick of the freezing cold, and everyone started to complain. Climbing to their feet, they all wrapped their cloaks tightly around themselves, staving off the chill as what little sunlight there was started to retreat. Kara hesitated for a moment as she watched her friends leave the canopy of the pavilion.

 

            “I had a mind to go and pray for a moment,” Kara said, her breath puffing out before her, “if anyone would care to join me.”

 

            “I would pay my respects,” James said, taking a step back towards Kara, and pulling up short when Lucy placed a hand on his arm.

 

            “I am cold, husband, I would like to go inside,” Lucy said, giving him a warm smile.

 

            James reached out to run a thumb over his wife’s cheekbone as he smiled down at her. “I would not make you come too, but I fear that I have been slacking in my duties to the gods.”

 

            Lucy’s eyes darted to Kara’s face, and Kara saw the exasperation in them and felt a rush of affection for her friend. “Yes, but I would have you help warm me,” Lucy said in a low voice, and James let out a small sound of surprise, quickly clearing his throat as he looked around at their gathered friends. Kara had to bite her lip to stop herself from smiling; she had known that she needn’t doubt Lucy, but she was grateful for her help, which was unexpected.

 

            “Perhaps I could accompany you?” Lena innocently asked, and Kara casually shrugged.

 

            “If you do not mind the cold, then by all means. I would appreciate the company,” Kara agreed, giving her a small smile. “Winn, you look almost frozen in your armour, you should see yourself inside. No harm will come to me in these woods.”

 

            He nodded, and everyone bowed slightly to her before they took their leave. She rounded on Lena, giving her a small smile. “Lady Lena, if you are so inclined,” Kara said, gesturing for Lena to walk with her.

 

            They went in as far as they could without being too far from the castle, as it was so cold that they knew they couldn’t stay out too long, but they were out of sight from the castle windows, and no one else would be out in the godswood at this time. They found a towering oak tree, and Kara sat herself down on one of its gnarled roots, patting the spot beside her for Lena to sit beside her. Reaching into her cloak, Kara produce a small knotted handkerchief and held the parcel out to Lena, “a small gift for you.”

 

            Lena tilted her head to the side, eyeing the bulging cloth as she reached out to take it. Undoing the knots, she let out a laugh of delight at the sight of sugar covered dried fruits. “Thank you! They’re my favourite! I haven’t had any in so long.”

 

            “I know,” Kara murmured, smiling slightly as she watched Lena carefully bundle the sweets back up and stow them in a pocket inside her cloak. “I wish that I could spoil you more.”

 

            “You needn’t spoil me, my love,” Kara said, reaching out to brush her thumb along Kara’s pink cheek. “In fact, I would say that you _do_ spoil me with your love, for it is more than I dared think I deserved. Especially after …”

 

            Kara reached up to cup Lena’s hand against her cheek. “To love you is not to spoil you, for it is something that I cannot withhold, and it is everything that you should have. I would not think it possible to stop, even if you carved my heart out of my chest, and nothing will ever turn me away from you. I wish that I could shower you with my favour though – have pretty dresses made for you, the finest horses bred for you, those books full of tales from distant lands that you like to read. One day, when we are not so secretive, I will give you all of those things and more.”

 

            “I would be content with you,” Lena murmured, “you are all I’ve ever wanted. Not what you can give me, but just you.” Kara leant in and gave her a soft kiss, her lips trembling slightly with the cold, but her mouth was still hot, and Lena leant into the kiss, grabbing a fistful of Kara's cloak as she tried to pull her closer. It didn't last long, for they were both shivering too much, and Kara pulled back with a quiet laugh.

 

            "Let us return to the warmth of the castle before we both freeze to death out here."

 

            Lena let out a shaky laugh as she teeth chattered slightly. "Wouldn't that be something? We spend all this time sneaking around, only to be caught in the middle of one of our trysts, frozen to death in each other's arms. I fear that my mother would find a way to revive me just so she could kill me herself."

 

            Kara hesitated slightly, "how  _do_ you think she will take it?"

 

            "I ... don't know. It does not matter to me anyway, but I, ah, do not think it will go over too well," Lena admitted, giving Kara a tiny smile. At the crestfallen look on Kara's face, Lena gave her chin a slight tweak. "Chin up, darling. I will not give in without a fight, and I will win it too. You are in control here, and no one else can make up your mind for you."

 

            "You're right," Kara softly sighed, giving Lena a quick kiss, before jumping down off the giant root and holding a hand out to help Lena down. "I am scared is all. Not of our love, but of how they will try and use it against us for their own selfish gain."

 

            Lena winced slightly, "it would work as well, for I would give them whatever they asked for to keep you safe."

 

            "That is what I fear," Kara smiled sadly, "for I would do the same for you."

 

            "You already have before."

 

            "And so have you," Kara said, giving her hand a small squeeze. "I will find a better way to go about it. I just need more time."

 

            They started to walk back through the woods, not letting go of one another until they reached the edge of the woods. "Nothing will change for us," Lena said as they stepped onto the snow covered lawn, keeping her eyes facing forward as she spoke in a low voice. "I told you once that I thought perhaps I could love Jack in another lifetime, but the truth is, in any life where you exist, I would not be able to love another. Take all the time you need, and let them try their worst, for my heart has belonged to you for almost my entire life, and they cannot change that. I shall love you forever, I promise that to you."

 

            "And I you."


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to disappoint some of you but I'd be shit at writing it so ...

            They were especially careful over the next few weeks, and as Kara got her kingdom in control for the coming spring, she spent more time at meetings with her council and prospective lords and ladies to run her lands and help start producing more resources for trade. She also finally got a letter back off Lois, with her assurances that she was well and would make the journey to Kandor once the seasons turned and the weather warmed. Feeling her confidence grow, Kara felt proud of herself for all she had learnt over the couple of months of hard work, and she was more grateful than she could say for the help of Astra, for her aunt spent hours in private counselling and advising her on matters that Kara knew little about. She trusted Astra more than anyone, for she had not led Krypton astray while Kara was at the temple, and it was easy for Kara to follow along with the plans that she had implemented years ago. There were few things she objected to, none more so than the insinuation of marriage, which Kara vehemently opposed.

 

            The mention of marriage had only been raised once since things had settled down, and Kara had refused to listen. It wasn’t entirely just because of Lena that the idea angered Kara, but also for the fact that they all were quick to tie her to a man when she had more important issues to worry about, like ensuring the safety of her country and her people. Love would always have to come second, Kara knew that, and she had bitterly had to put her love for Lena second many times in the past to ensure that her duty came first. For now, she was content to do her duty and love Lena at the same time, for it harmed no one for her to spend her nights in Lena’s arms, whispering about their days or listening to Lena as she read some of the old poems of long past heroes.

 

            As the worst of winter faded, pouring rain and raging storms replaced the snow, and on a dreary day, Kara found herself stretched out along the long sofa, her head in Lena’s lap as she listened to her recite a tale about a long dead prince and his hound.

 

            “And so the prince slew his faithful hound, and upon the dying yelps of the hound, heard the answering cry of a baby. He found the nearby dead body of a wolf, slain by his hound, and realized the mistake he had made,” Lena read from the thick book she held. “Overcome with remorse, the prince threw a great burial for his hound in reparation of the misdeed he had shown his dog. From that day onwards, the prince never smiled again.”

 

            “Well that’s depressing,” Kara muttered, and Lena let out a quiet laugh, running her hands through Kara’s hair.

 

            “Well, not everyone likes to fill their heads with happy tales,” Lena said.

 

            “But those are the best kind,” Kara argued, her eyes flying open as she slightly frowned up at Lena. “There is too much bad in this world to dwell on the misery of others. Are there no happy tales in your book?”

 

            Lena bent down to kiss Kara on the forehead, before she thumbed the thick pages in search of a happy story. “Ah! How about the story of Peredur Golden-Hand and the Nine Witches of Corril?”

 

            “Is it happy?”

 

            “He found love with Tyr-Us, who was the leader of the metal city of Corril, so, yes,” Lena said, giving her a small smile. “Have you been to Corril? It is in the mountains; you may have passed through it when you left Cair.”

 

            “It was further up in the mountains than we ventured, although I remember hearing that there is a statue of Tyr-Us in the middle of the city, for his defeat of the Skrull when they tried to invade through the mountain paths. He was said to be a skilled warrior. That must’ve been centuries ago now.”

 

            “His lover, Peredur, was also a great warrior. It is how he lost his hand, but Rao blessed him with a new one made of gold,” Lena said.

 

            Kara let out a quick laugh, pushing herself up onto her elbows. “Are you going to spoil the whole story before you read it to me?”

 

            Lena rolled her eyes, pressing a quick kiss to Kara’s cheek, before she cleared her throat and started to read off the page. Laying back down, Kara closed her eyes and let herself get lost in the words of the story. She couldn’t help but imagine the lives the two men lived, and how they had been allowed to love each other openly, and a part of her wished for that for herself.

 

\---

 

            They weren’t very productive for the rest of the day, taking a quick walk through the gardens once the rain stopped for a moment, looking at the green that was starting to sprout everywhere. Afterwards, Kara had asked a servant to set up her meal in a small dining room for her and Lena, under the guise of some tea and cakes – a perfectly respectable pastime for two ladies – and they occupied themselves with embroidering and writing letter in the quiet company of each other. Kara enjoyed how they could sit in almost silence and go about their own tasks, while still feeling the close comfort of each other’s company, and every time she looked up and caught Lena staring at her, she felt her heart stumble over a beat.

 

            It wasn’t too long before night started to fall though, and they found themselves back in Kara’s chambers, drinking watered down wine before the fire as they laughed and swapped stories. It was warm in the room, yet they sat curled up next to each other, the blanket Lena had made for Kara draped over their legs as Lena leant her head on Kara’s shoulder.

 

            “Do you remember that time you climbed the cherry tree at the edge of the godswood, at the harvest festival? You said that you could spit a cherry pip further than anyone else, and you challenged Winn to a spitting contest,” Lena said, smiling widely at the memory.

 

            Kara let out a loud laugh, clapping a hand over her mouth. “Gods, I remember. I accidentally spat a pip into the cup of the emissary from Gotham. He didn’t realize until he choked on it.”

 

            “You have always been untameable, my dear,” Lena said.

 

            “And does that bother you?” Kara asked, tilting Lena’s chin up so that she was looking her in the eye.

 

            Lena grimaced slightly, her dimples showing and her eyebrows knitting together in a disapproving look. “When you throw yourself into danger? Yes, it does. Otherwise, I _love_ it, and would not seek to change a thing about you.”

 

            “Not a thing? You will make my head too big for my crown if you flatter me any further, my love,” Kara laughed. “I am as flawed as anyone, and there are _many_ faults that I would see myself change.”

 

            “No one is perfect, and I do not judge you for your flaws, but love you all the more for trying to better yourself for them,” Lena murmured.

 

            Kara gasped slightly, giving Lena a wide smile, “so you agree that I have flaws? Would you care to enlighten me?”

 

            Letting out a snort of laughter, Lena leant up to kiss the tip of Kara’s nose. “To start with, you are entirely too kind, and too forgiving.”

 

            “I would not think them weaknesses,” Kara said, frowning slightly.

 

            Lena reached up to smooth the lines away, giving Kara another quick kiss. “I do not think they are,” Lena assured her, “not unless you _let_ people turn them into weaknesses. Sometimes you do … when it comes to me.”

 

            Pressing her lips together in a thin line, Kara silently agreed, for Lena spoke truly. She would not change that about herself though, for Lena made her feel stronger and more confident, smarter and more loving, and Kara would do anything to keep her by her side, including excusing Lena’s treason. It might be seen as weakness to others if they knew that Kara had let her live, but killing Lena would be more painful than anything Kara could ever endure. Life without Lena was unimaginable to her, and Kara didn’t care if she had to be forgiving to keep her in her life. She didn’t blame her for Rhea’s mistakes, and she never would.

 

            “You do not make me weak,” Kara said after a moment, “you make me stronger.”

 

            “You have always been strong,” Lena firmly told her, looking at Kara with an intensity that sent a shock through her. There was a burning desire in Lena’s eyes, and it caught Kara slightly off guard, yet when Lena pressed her lips against Kara’s in a hard kiss, she was expecting it, and met her halfway.

 

            In a tangle of limbs, they shifted on the sofa until Kara was flat on her back with Lena straddling her waist, her hands on Kara’s shoulders and her dark hair spilling around her shoulders as she looked down at her. Slowly leaning down, Lena captured her lips in another kiss, and Kara pushed back against her, knotting her fingers in Lena’s dark hair as her breathing hitched at the feeling of one of Lena’s hands gripping her leg through the skirts of her dress. Pushing the skirts of Kara’s dress up slightly, Lena’s hand slowly started to wander upwards, and Kara grit her teeth as Lena kissed along her jaw.

 

            “Lena,” Kara breathlessly whispered, earning a mumbled reply against the skin of her neck as Lena kissed her way down to the neck of Kara’s dress. “Lena, we shouldn’t.”

 

            “Do you not want to?” Lena asked, stopping instantly as she pushed herself up slightly.

 

            “I do,” Kara said, the urgency in her voice evident to her own ears. Laughing, Lena continued to her torturous kisses down Kara’s neck, gently biting and sucking the pale skin as she let her hand drift dangerously high. At the feeling of Lena’s warm hand on her thigh, Kara pushed herself up slightly, her hands finding their way to Lena’s waist as she held her in place on her lap. Lena didn’t stop, and Kara found herself tilting her head to the side, even as she protested, “but we cannot. I-I must stay virtuous … for my wedding. We … we shouldn’t.”

 

            “Well then marry me,” Lena whispered in her ear, nipping at Kara’s earlobe and sending shivers coursing through her.

 

            Kara let out a loud laugh at Lena’s words, and Lena immediately stiffened at the sound, drawing back slightly. “Be serious, Lena,” Kara said, a smile in her voice as she trailed her fingertips along Lena’s exposed collarbone.

 

            “I am,” Lena said, recoiling slightly at the dismissive way that Kara treated her words.

 

            Eyes widening slightly, Kara opened and closed her mouth a few times. “You know that we cannot-“

 

            “Well then who are you going to marry, Kara?” Lena snapped, climbing off Kara’s lap and getting to her feet. Kara sat upright, the blanket pooling around her waist as she looked up at Lena with shock, taken off guard by the sudden explosion. “If you are saving yourself for the person you will marry, and we cannot marry, then _who?_ Am I just a placeholder to entertain you until a husband comes along to give you an heir?”

 

            “Do _not_ belittle my feelings towards you,” Kara warned her in a low voice. “You know that I would not dare marry another when I have fought so hard for us to be together.”

 

            Lena let out a snort of laughter, running a hand through her messy curls. “Fought hard for _us?_ It would have come to war either way, Kara. Do not use me to justify the fact that you would not have married him, for you had no guarantee of _us_.”

 

            “I’m trying my _best_ ,” Kara retorted.

 

            “No you aren’t,” Lena argued, “you are too afraid of what others will think, so you will not be honest!”

 

            “Well I am not used to people making snide remarks behind my back!” Kara hotly replied, climbing to her feet. “I have told you that I am trying to find a way, I told you I needed more time. Are you not content to go on as we are for a little while longer? Or are you all too eager to get beneath my skirts that you-”

 

            Lena jerked backwards at Kara’s words, a wounded look flashing across her face. “How could- why would you even say-“

 

            Kara winced, knowing that she had spoken wrongly, and she took a step towards Lena, reaching out for her. “Lena, I didn’t mean it like-“

 

            “No, don’t,” Lena cut her off, her face hardening as she took a step backwards, brushing aside Kara’s outstretched hand. “How about you come and find me once you make up your mind, hm?”

 

            “Lena, wait!” Kara pleaded as Lena turned around, her skirts swishing around her as she hurried to the door and slipped out into the hall, ignoring Kara’s pleas. As the door slammed shut, Kara fell silent, grabbing handfuls of her hair as she tipped her head back and let out a frustrated sigh. Her eyes stung slightly and she felt anger simmering inside her as she kicked out at the leg of the sofa, swearing loudly as pain lanced through her foot. Feeling even worse than before, Kara pulled at the back of her dress and shed it, storming over to her bed and climbing under the covers. She didn’t move again for the rest of the evening, ignoring every knock on her door as she wallowed in self pity, until she finally drifted off to sleep.

 

\---

 

            Awaking from a nightmare, Kara reached out for Lena, finding the empty space beside her and frowning as the argument yesterday came rushing back to her. Falling back against the pillows, she lay there gasping for air, shaking away the last remnants of the nightmare as she stared up at the ceiling. She lay there until the sun rose and a knock on her door broke her out of her thoughts. “Enter!” she barked, her tone sharper than she intended due to her bad mood.

 

            Alex walked in hesitantly, and then more boldly as she saw that Kara was alone in bed. “Oh … I had assumed that Lena would be here with you.”

 

            “Clearly _not_ ,” Kara said bitingly, pushing back the blankets and climbing out of bed. She splashed her face with water and then brushed past Alex, who grabbed her by the upper arm.

 

            “Are you well, sister? You seem ... unsteady,” Alex said, looking at her sister with concern.

 

            Kara clenched her teeth slightly, looking away from Alex. “I had bad dreams last night,” Kara muttered, “and fought with Lena yesterday.”

 

            Letting go of Kara, Alex sat down at the table and propped her chin up in her hand as she looked at Kara expectantly. “May I ask what it was about?”

 

            With a small sigh, Kara sat down at the table with her, putting her head in her hands. “W-we were … you know, but then I said I couldn’t because we’re not married … and then she asked me to marry her, and I _laughed_ Alex. Right in her face. And then she got mad, and we argued … and then she left and I have not seen her since.”

 

            “Kara!” Alex exclaimed, her mouth falling open in shock. “You _laughed?_ Gods, no wonder she got mad at you. She’s probably very … _frustrated_ and you just _laughed_ at her.”

 

            “I’m frustrated too, Alex!” Kara argued.

 

            Closing her eyes and letting out a strangled sound, Alex rubbed at the back of her neck. “Not like _that_ Kara, she’s … Gods, I can’t– you stay here.” Climbing to her feet, Alex opened the door and Kara leant forward in her chair to look out through the open door, watching as Alex opened the door to her chambers.

 

            It was a few minutes later when she came back out with Maggie in tow, the two of them whispering furiously in some sort of quiet argument. Pushing Maggie inside and shutting the door, Alex left her alone with Kara, who was looking at her in confusion. Maggie gave her an awkward bow, standing just inside the door as she looked at Kara in alarm. “Your Majesty,” she haltingly said, “your sister would, ah, like me to talk to you. It’s, uh, well, about you and Lady Lena. She- she said that you and her … there is a _need_. Perhaps lending itself to some frustration on her behalf? There’s, um, she … ah.”

 

            “Speak plainly please,” Kara said, her frustration growing as Maggie stumbled over her words, looking as if it pained her to even speak to Kara.

 

            “She is frustrated because you will not touch her!” Maggie blurted out, and Kara’s mouth fell open and she could feel how hot her face was and knew it would be bright red with embarrassment.

 

            “You are dismissed,” Kara said, trying to hide her mortification at her sister sending in her _lover_ to talk to Kara about the matter. “And send my sister in.”

 

            Alex came in with a sheepish look on her face, and Kara shot her a dirty look as she climbed to her feet and walked to her wardrobe. She was silent as she stripped off her nightgown and pulled on a pair of soft leather leggings, and a clean white shirt. A blue doublet in hand, she rounded on Alex, and gave her a hard stare as she spread her hands out wide. “You would send your lover to talk to me about being intimate with Lena?” Kara asked, slightly aghast.

 

            “I could not tell you myself!” Alex protested, looking slightly panicked at the prospect. “But if you are to walk around brooding all day, then I would help you in any way I can. You should not worry about staying virtuous, for you shan’t have a husband to worry over the legitimacy of an heir. You needn’t stress over marrying her either, for you would not be able to until you have come public about your relationship, which will not happen yet. Think over what I have said, and try to find a solution, for I hate to see you in such a foul mood.”

 

            Kara hesitantly nodded, and Alex gave her a small smile. “Then I suppose it’s time for breakfast.”

 

\---

 

            For the rest of the day Kara tried to bump into Lena, knocking on the door to her chambers to no avail, waiting at the bathing rooms in case she decided on a bath, and even going as far as to ask Lillian of her whereabouts when she started getting desperate, only to be told that Lena had told her that morning that she was observing a day of reflection and prayer in isolation.

 

            She was quiet at dinner with Alex, Eliza and Astra, and quickly retired to her room soon after, spending the rest of her night pacing back and forth in her room, her boots clicking on the flagstones as she puzzled over what to do. It was clear that Lena was hurt, and Kara felt guilty at her words, and knew that she had to apologise. It was past midnight when she walked over to the doors, dismissed James, and walked down the hall with a determined look on her face.

 

            Earlier on she had knocked, but this time she threw Lena’s door open, quickly bolting it shut behind her, before she walked towards Lena, who had jumped to her feet at the intrusion. A flicker of anger ran across her face, and she raised her chin as she looked at Kara, her green eyes filled with a stubbornness that Kara knew meant that she was in for a difficult conversation, which she hoped to avoid.

 

            “I think we have different meanings on what a closed door mean-“ she didn’t have time to finish her sentence before Kara’s lips were coming down on hers in a hard kiss, putting all of her longing into it. Her fingers went to the front of Lena’s dress, fiddling with the top button, but then strong fingers were prying them off and Lena was pushing her away.

 

            “I would not have us quarrel,” Kara said, a look of pain on her face as she looked down at Lena’s cold stare. “I was wrong to say the things I did, but you were also wrong to say the things you did too. You know that I would not marry anyone else.”

 

            “I would not have us quarrel either, but I will not ignore it, Kara,” Lena said, her face crumpling into a look of sadness. Kara’s heart ached slightly at the wounded look on Lena’s face, and she slowly reached out to place a hand on her waist, drawing her closer.

 

            Lena came willingly, drawn in by Kara’s intense stare, but she put her hand against Kara’s chest, keeping a small space between them. Kara brought her other hand up to cover it, giving it a slight squeeze, and bent her head down to brush her lips against Lena, was was frozen in place. “I’ll marry you,” Kara whispered, hearing Lena’s breathing hitch at the words, “I will tell my council. Not yet, but I will. I swear it upon the gods themselves. I love you, Lena.”

 

            “And I you,” Lena said, her other hand coming up to caress the side of Kara’s face. “Do not doubt that ever again.” And then Kara’s lips were hot on Lena’s as they frantically kissed, and Kara tore open the front of Lena’s dress, backing her into the table and pushing up the skirts as her hands skimmed their way up Lena’s legs. There was a rush at the beginning, and they both tore at each others clothes with an intense need that surprised them both, and soon enough the cool air of the room caressed their bare skin as they stood in the midst of their pile of clothes, kissing and running their hands over each other’s shoulders and down their backs. The feeling of smooth skin beneath gentle touches was enough to drive them mad with desire, and then Lena’s fingers ran over the slightly raised edges of the three claw marks marring one side of her torso.

 

            Kara stiffened slightly, and Lena’s lips stilled against hers and her fingers paused their exploring. Slowly, she spread her fingers out along the lines, in the places where her brother had sliced open Kara’s skin, and Kara’s breathing hitched as Lena slowly traced her fingertips along the scars. Dipping her head, Lena placed hot kisses down Kara’s neck, along her collarbones and then down to the scars. Kara let out a breathless laugh at the feeling of Lena’s gentle kisses against the old wounds, and she knotted her fingers in Lena’s dark hair, feeling her kisses sink even lower.

 

\---

 

            They lay back against the pillows, staring up at the ceiling and breathing heavily as sweat dried on their skin. Outside, night was quickly fading, and Kara realized with amusement that they had not slept all night. Catching her breath, she turned her head to the side and looked at Lena, whose chest was rapidly rising and falling as she breathed unsteadily in the semi-dark.

 

            “Lena,” Kara quietly murmured in amusement, “are you alive?”

 

            Lena let out a shaky laugh, turning to look at Kara. Her teeth were white in the lightening room as she smiled at Kara, leaning in to give her a lingering kiss. “I’m not entirely sure, my love, for that was almost too good to not think it something out of a dream.”

 

            Laughing, Kara wound her fingers into Lena’s hair and brought their lips back together. “That good, hm?” she murmured against Lena’s lips, feeling a smile in return.

 

            “That good,” Lena agreed, sheets rustling as she propped herself up and pressed Kara back down against the mattress. She placed kisses against Kara’s skin, tasting the sweat that clung to her as she kissed her way downwards, gently biting and sucking, taking pleasure in making Kara squirm beneath her.

 

            The sound of the door trying to be opened made them both startle, Kara’s eyes widening as she scrambled into a sitting position, and Lena emerging from under the blankets with a similar expression on her face.

 

            “Lena?” Lillian barked as she hammered on the door.

 

            “Fuck!” Lena hissed, scrambling out of bed and dragging the thin blanket at the end of the bed around herself as she made a shooing gesture to Kara. “Get under the bed.” Obeying without hesitation, Kara slipped out of bed and rolled beneath it, the stone cold beneath her naked body making her break out with goosebumps. She listened as Lena walked over to the door, drawing back the heavy bolt and pulling it open as the hinges groaned. “Mother.”

 

            Boots clicked on the floor as Lillian pushed her way inside, “why was your door locked? Where are your _clothes?_ ”

 

            “I had a fever last night,” Lena quickly lied.

 

            “Yes, you do look a little flushed, and tired,” Lillian said, and Kara bit her lip to stop herself from smiling, for she knew the real reason why Lena looked like that, and took great pleasure in it. “Should I send for a healer?”

 

            “I am perfectly fine.”

 

            “Then I would have you join me for breakfast,” Lillian ordered her, and Lena let out a heavy sigh at the prospect. “Do not sigh, Lena,” her mother chided her, eliciting another sigh, “there are matters I wish to discuss with you. Now, get dressed, and fetch a servant – one could almost mistake your chambers for the laundry rooms with the amount of clothes you have strewn around the place.”

 

            “Yes, mother,” Lena wearily agreed, and Lillian’s footsteps receded without another word, soon followed by the sound of the door creaking shut.

 

            Rolling out from her hiding place, Kara peeked over the side of the bed, raising her eyebrows at Lena. “Well, I believe that breakfast together is out of the question,” Kara laughed, climbing to her feet and rounding the bed to pick up her abandoned shirt.

 

            She fetched the rest of her clothes, dressing quickly while she watched Lena pick out a dress from her wardrobe and slip into a clean chemise, marveling at the flawless pale skin of her back. Stepping into the dress, Lena reached behind to tighten the laces at the back, and Kara quickly walked up behind her and brushed her hands aside. It took longer than it should’ve for her to help tighten Lena’s corset, for she distracted her self with kisses along Lena’s exposed shoulders. Once she was dressed, Lena turned around and fiddled with the clasp at the front of Kara’s doublet, her fingers itching to undo it and strip the jacket off.

 

            “So, I shall see you this evening, if not before?” Lena asked, smiling up at Kara and reaching out to run her fingers through the messy golden curls.

 

            “I would hope for before, but yes, this evening,” Kara agreed, smiling down at Lena and cupping her face as she placed a quick kiss to her lips. “Until then, my love.”

 

            Making sure the coast was clear, Kara snuck out of Lena’s chambers and made her way back to her own quarters, quickly changing into fresh clothes before she went to fetch breakfast by herself.


	46. Chapter 46

            Lena pushed her porridge around with her spoon as she sat at the table, her back ramrod straight as she stiffly looked down at her breakfast, avoiding her mother’s eyes on purpose. They had been too reckless that morning, and if Kara hadn’t had the good sense to bolt the door on her way in, Lillian would’ve been in for the shock of a lifetime. As it was, Lena was took scared to even look at her mother, for she feared that her keen eyes would see what she had been doing written all over her face, even though she hadn’t seemed suspicious about the flustered appearance of her daughter earlier on.

 

            “Stop playing with your food,” Lillian quietly chastised her, and Lena let out a sigh, dropping her spoon and leaning back in her chair. “Eat. You are still far too thin for my liking.”

 

            “I’m not hungry,” Lena replied, which was a lie. She had been up all night, and she was starving and exhausted, but she just wanted to be back in Kara’s arms, not sat before her mother as she waited for her to get to the point of why she had requested Lena's presence.

 

            “I shan’t let you leave until you have eaten,” Lillian said, and, with another sigh, Lena picked up her spoon and shoved some oats into her mouth. “The matter of which I would like to speak of is your marriage.”

 

            “I am not married anymore,” Lena dully replied, spooning more food into her mouth.

 

            She glanced up at Lillian, whose mouth turned down in disapproval as she raised her own spoon. “That is exactly my point. We are in need of an heir for our house.”

 

            Lena choked on her next mouthful, coughing as she forced herself to swallow and set down her spoon. “Mother, I am _barren_. That was why Jack set me aside in the first place.”

 

            “Or perhaps you were not doing you duty well enough,” Lillian replied in a clipped tone, “I have sent for a flower that grows in the mountains to be plucked. It is supposed to promote fertility. I have a list of suitors that I think you might find a good match.” Lena’s mouth fell open as Lillian produced a roll of parchment and slid it across the table to Lena. She didn’t even open it to read the list of names, she just plucked it up off the table and turned in her seat to throw it into the flickering fire burning in the fireplace. With an exasperated sigh, Lillian produced another copy, and it quickly joined the other one in the fire. “Lena!” Lillian snapped, her patience wearing thin, “you _must_ marry again. What will people think if you remain unwed? What will people think if our house collapses.”

 

            “People will think that I am the barren former wife of Lord Spheer,” Lena replied with disinterest. What people said behind her back was of little concern to her anymore, and she knew that they would say what they liked either way. “And perhaps you should’ve thought to force your son to marry and produce an heir _before_ he betrayed his Queen.”

 

            A flicker of irritation ran across Lillian’s face, and she let out a frustrated sigh. “I am trying to _help_ you, Lena. You always fight me when you know that I have always tried to ensure that you were given the best opportunities.”

 

            “I do not need your help,” Lena stiffly replied, “I will not marry unless it is for love.”

 

            A disapproving sound passed Lillian’s lips as she looked at her daughter with dissatisfaction. “Love is not for the likes of us, daughter. If you feel it, then keep it to yourself and do you duty. Unless you find love with one of the men on my list.”

 

            “Keep your list,” Lena said, reaching for her goblet of water. “I shan’t love anyone on there.”

 

            “Who is it then?” Lillian bluntly asked, and Lena froze slightly. “The person you love. The youngest son of a lesser house? A stable boy? Set them aside, for you should not waste your time with them.”

 

            “I am _not_ in love with any foolish boys,” Lena scoffed, taking a small sip of her water.

 

            Lillian sighed, “very well then. Push childish thoughts aside, and do your duty to your house, as we all have had to do.”

 

            “I will _not_ ,” Lena protested, “I am _happy_ here, mother. I will not be sent away again to live as some other man’s wife again, and I would not have done so before if I wasn’t so desperate. I will not be sent away from court again, no matter how much you wish to rid yourself of me.”

 

            “ _Rid_ myself of you? I do not see you often enough to rid myself of you,” Lillian said, her eyebrows drawing together in a frown. “You would not give me even a moment of your time, unless I command it.”

 

            Slouching in her seat, Lena glowered at her mother. “Perhaps if you had not been so quick to shun me to the side, I would be more inclined to spend time with you,” Lena coldly replied.

 

            “You _used_ to be so inclined when you were younger,” Lillian muttered as she raised her cup to her lips. “You welcomed me brushing your hair and teaching you to sew, teaching you how to read and dance.”

 

            “And then I found out that I was Rhea’s daughter, and you sent me away. I was still a girl, and you couldn’t _bear_ to look at me, so you sent me back to Throul, and then you married me off to a man that I didn’t love,” Lena snapped. “It would’ve been kinder to ignore me from the beginning. To be honest from the start.”

 

            “It was not _I_ who pulled away – it was _you_ ,” Lillian argued. “You were the daughter I had _dreamed_ of – and perhaps your father gave you to me in a way different to how I expected, but I did not love you less for his faults. I did not love you as much as Lex, I will admit that it was true, but I do love you, daughter. I would not have treated you any differently, for I raised you as _my_ daughter.”

 

            Lena let out a huff of frustration, gripping the edge of the table hard so that she could stop herself from jumping up from her seat. “Well then if you love me, why can’t you leave me be? Why can’t you let me make my own decisions and be happy for me?”

 

            “Very well, do as you wish,” Lillian relented, her tone stiff as she spoke. “You are excused.”

 

            Wasting no time, Lena shot to her feet and stalked out of the room. She was in a foul mood from a lack of sleep, which was fine in itself, for she had enjoyed not sleeping immensely, but having to see her mother was always taxing, even if it had gone reasonably well. Angry that she was being pushed towards remarrying, Lena stormed through the castle and shut herself in her chambers. With a frustrated sigh, she flopped down onto her bed and shut her eyes, her mind drifting away to only a few hours ago when she lay there in Kara’s arms, feeling her hands everywhere. Thinking of Kara, Lena slowly drifted off to sleep.

 

\---

 

            “You seem to be in higher spirits today,” Alex murmured as she sidled up to Kara, lifting her goblet to her lips. “You acted on my advice?”

 

            “I did,” Kara replied, willing herself to keep her face neutral as she fought back a blush. She stared out across the throne room, looking out at the dozens of people milling around as Kara handled some business with her kingdom. She was looking for Lena, but couldn’t find her anywhere, and Kara couldn’t help but think that perhaps it was for the best, for she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on business if Lena was in the room. She would only have eyes for her.

 

            “Then I am happy that you are happy, sister,” Alex said, smiling slightly at Astra as she approached. Kara gave her aunt a wide smile, accepting the cup of wine off her with her thanks.

 

            “You look tired, niece,” Astra said, “although you seem to be in a better mood than yesterday … if I am not overstepping by saying it.”

 

            Kara’s eyes crinkled at the corners as she glanced up at her, keeping her smile in place. “Not at all, aunt. I cannot say that I slept last night, for I was distracted, but my mood is much improved despite it.”

 

            “My sister spent some hours this morning sparring with Lady Lena,” Alex supplied, the lie easily rolling off her tongue. “It would seem that venting her frustration has helped to chase away our young queen’s troubles.”

 

            “Indeed it has. I should like to see the two of you spar some time, for having seen both of you fight, I think you would be well matched,” Astra said, and Kara choked on the mouthful of wine she had just sipped. Spluttering and coughing, she dabbed at her mouth.

 

            “Forgive me,” Kara gasped as she cleared her throat, “it went down the wrong way.”

 

            Alex bit back a smile as she looked down at Kara. “I am inclined to agree with you, Lady In-Ze, I think they are a well matched pair indeed. What do you say, sister? Perhaps you could show us some of the skills you demonstrated earlier on?”

 

            Plastering a sweet smile on her face, Kara looked up at Alex with a warning in her eyes that went unnoticed by Astra. “It would make for an … _interesting_ display, sister. I shall ask Lady Lena for her involvement, if she would be so inclined as to participate. Perhaps at the festival of First Light.”

 

            “I am sure everyone would be delighted by some entertainment,” Astra smiled, “it has been too long since we had a tourney. Perhaps you would honour me in a rematch, Lady Alex. You may even be able to beat me this time.”

 

            “I should be delighted to,” Alex said, rising to accept the challenge with a wide grin. Kara quickly drained the rest of her wine, hoping to cover up her panic, and then another lady was called forward to discuss some matters of land with Kara.

 

\---

 

            After dinner with a few of the nobles that had ventured to Kandor to see Kara, she trudged back to her room, feeling like she was about to collapse from exhaustion. Her crown weighed heavily on her head, and her eyes were burning with the effort of keeping them open, and Kara dismissed James as she walked into her rooms. She had been playing the generous host all evening - all day even – and Kara was looking forward to her bed and a good night sleep beside Lena.

 

            She didn’t have to wait long for the door to creak open, and she looked up from where she knelt scratching Streaky’s belly to watch as Lena slipped inside. Smiling, Kara climbed to her feet and slowly walked over to her. “You look well rested. I missed you in the throne room today,” Kara murmured as she leant in to kiss her slowly.

 

            “Forgive me, I fell asleep as soon as I returned from breakfast with my mother,” Lena told her, reaching out to trace her fingers over the dark circles beneath Kara’s eyes. “You should have sent for me; I would not have let you suffer a sleepless night alone with all those people to bore you.”

 

            Kara let out a quiet laugh, kissing the corner of Lena’s mouth, and then her jaw as she worked her way up to her earlobe. She felt Lena shiver at the feeling of Kara’s breath tickling her ear. “I am glad that you got some rest, I did not mean to disrupt your sleep last night,” Kara smiled as she whispered in Lena’s ear. “Although, the day was long without you, and my sister was up to her usual antics.”

 

            “Hmm?” Lena hummed as she tilted her head to the side, giving Kara access to the white expanse of her neck.

 

            “She said that we were _sparring_ all morning, and my aunt has insisted on a, ah, demonstration for the court as entertainment, for she believes us _well matched_ ,” Kara laughed, and Lena let out a loud laugh, clapping a hand to her mouth as she pulled back. “I know,” Kara said, trying to hold back her laughter.

 

            “Can you imagine the look on their faces if we demonstrated what we were really up to?” Lena laughed, leaning in to kiss Kara.

 

            Smiling against Lena’s lips, Kara reached out to push aside the shoulder of her dress and kissed the pale skin in the dip above her collarbone. “Perhaps you would like to demonstrate it now?”

 

            Lena’s finger beneath Kara’s chin drew her head back up, and she arched an eyebrow at Kara, who shrugged slightly under the intensity of the look in her green eyes. A slow smile spread across Lena’s face and she reached up to press a quick kiss to Kara’s lips as her fingers went to the front of Kara’s leather jerkin. She shed her clothes quickly, pressing up against Lena, who was wearing far too many layers for Kara’s liking, and reached for the front of the dress, tearing it open with enough force to rip a few of the buttons.

 

            “You’re going to leave me to run around naked if you keep that up with all of my dresses,” Lena sighed as she slipped the outer layer of her dress off and let it pool to the floor.

 

            “I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” Kara murmured as she kissed everywhere she could find exposed skin. As she tried to pull up the skirts of the white chemise Lena was wearing, Kara found Lena’s hands stopping her, and she pulled back in surprise, her eyebrows raised as she looked at Lena questioningly.

 

            “No,” Lena whispered, leaning in to silence Kara with a kiss as she opened her mouth to protest. “You are far too tense, my love, and I would see the weight of your burdens lifted. Come, lay down.”

 

            Lena laced their fingers together, and Kara raised their joined hands to press a kiss to the back of Lena’s hand before she allowed herself to be led over to her bed. She let out a sound of satisfaction as the soft mattress gave way beneath her weight, and Lena let out a small laugh, giving Kara a push to move over so that she could join her on the bed. “Roll over,” Lena ordered her, letting her lips skim Kara’s in a gentle touch that left her begging for more.

 

            “You are awfully demanding,” Kara said, looking amused as she tried to reach out and kiss Lena, only to find herself being pushed back down, much to her frustration. She obligingly rolled over, and Lena quickly straddled her, her hands rubbing at the tense muscles of Kara’s shoulders and she pressed maddening kisses to the back of Kara’s neck and upper back. “Ignore me,” Kara laughed as Lena let her hands roam freely over her back, “make whatever demands of me you would like and I will see them carried out.”

 

            “Perhaps you could banish my mother from court,” Lena snorted, accidentally letting the words slip out and wincing when Kara stilled beneath her. Kara pushed herself up slightly, shifting beneath Lena so that she was flat on her back, staring up at her. “Turn back over,” Lena told her, reaching down to kiss her.

 

            Struggling upright, Kara brushed Lena’s hair out of her face, her other hand going to her waist as she kept Lena on her lap. “Tell me what it is that concerns you,” Kara said, a small crease of worry forming between her eyebrows. “What has she said to upset you?”

 

            “She is trying to marry me off again so that our house may continue,” Lena said, her voice strained as she spoke the words.

 

            Kara let out a relieved laugh, reaching up to cup Lena’s face and kiss her. “Well you needn’t worry about that,” Kara reassured her. “Any marriage proposals for the nobility must be brought before the ruler of this kingdom, and as I am the Queen, I will reject any offers brought forward on your behalf. I am blessed by the Gods, and I may pass judgment in their name, and if I decide that the Gods will not deem it suitable, who is she to argue? Besides, you are already betrothed to another if I am not mistaken.”

 

            Lena exhaled forcefully, her shoulders sagging in relief. “Of course. I am foolish to forget such a thing,” Lena said, smiling as she pulled Kara’s lips to hers. “Now, turn back over, and keep still, Your Majesty.”

 

            “Is it not redundant to use my title whilst ordering me about in the same sentence?” Kara laughed, wriggling beneath Lena until she was flat on her stomach again. With Lena’s hands rubbing at the knots in her back, coupled with her lack of sleep, Kara was soon fell asleep without meaning to. It was a few minutes before Lena even realized, but when Kara didn’t answer a question, she paused her massaging motions and shifted to the side to glance at Kara’s face. Smiling at the slightly parted lips and the worry-free softness of her face, Lena climbed off the top of Kara and slipped beneath the blankets. Pulling the blankets up to cover Kara’s bare skin, Lena pressed a soft kiss to Kara’s forehead. “Goodnight, my love,” she murmured, before she rolled over and closed her eyes.


	47. Chapter 47

            Weeks passed, and the first day of spring arrived with much excitement and anticipation for the festival of First Light. It was a holiday that represented the first day of the warmer seasons, and the castle was buzzing with preparations for it, and Kara couldn’t wait to spend the day enjoying the celebrations, including the small sparring tournament that they would be having. It was still a bit too cold to have a proper tourney, but there would be enough space for nobles to square off against each other in the throne room as entertainment for the hundreds of guests that would be there.

 

            Kara awoke early the morning of the festival of First Light, smiling as she took in the sight of Lena sprawled out across her bed, and she reached out to trail her fingers down her spine in a feather light touch. Lena was still fast asleep, and Kara slipped out of bed, picking up her leather jerkin and slipping it on before she walked over to her desk. There were a dozen documents that she still had to sign her name and add her seal to, and so Kara quickly scanned the elegant script of them all, ensuring that they were all as they seemed, with no hidden double meanings. She picked up a quill and signed her name to them all with a flourish, then heated some wax and pressed her golden ring into the blobs she dribbled onto each page. Once she was done, she climbed to her feet, setting the papers aside and picking up the jar of ink to put the lid back on. Warm hands grabbed her by the waist, and Kara let out a sound of surprise, jumping and throwing the pot of ink all over herself. Usually no one could sneak up on Kara, for she had been trained to always be aware of her surroundings, but lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t heard Lena slip out of bed and creep over to her.

 

            With the purplish black ink running down her face, neck and chest, Kara turned in Lena’s embrace, looking at her in shock. Lena burst into laughter, clapping a hand over her mouth as she took in the sight of Kara, spluttering as she tried to spit out the ink that covered her lips. “Oh Gods, I’m so sorry my love,” Lena said, biting her lips to try and stop herself from dissolving into another round of laughter.

 

            “You look it too,” Kara dryly replied, pressing her lips together in a grim line as she tried to wipe the ink away, succeeding in making it worse than better.

 

            Lena tilted her head to the side as she looked at the open front of Kara’s jerkin, biting her lip slightly as she watched the ink roll down Kara’s skin, leaving dark lines in its wake. “D-do you think it’ll stain?” Lena hesitantly asked after a moment.

 

            Kara’s eyes widened and her mouth fell open as she looked at Lena in horror. “If it stains, I will personally see to it that you don’t come within an inch of my bed for the next week,” Kara threatened, trying not to smile as Lena let out a snort of laughter. “It’s not funny, Lena! The festival is today! I have to stand before all of my guests – I can’t do that looking like I’ve been attacked by an octopus!”

 

            “Well, I mean, we both know that you’re not going to follow through with your threat,” Lena murmured, her smile growing as she pulled Kara closer by the front of her vest, her lips finding their way to Kara’s ear. “Besides, I don’t _need_ the bed, this is fine too.”

 

            As Lena peeled back Kara’s vest, helping to drag it off her, Kara let out a small frustrated groan. “You will drive me mad,” Kara sighed, “but I think perhaps that I should make for the bathing rooms _before_ I end up with a permanent inkblot covering my entire chest.”

 

            “I would still love you,” Lena said, shrugging as she smiled. Kara gave her an exasperated look and Lena laughed. “But yes, I agree.”

 

            She leant up to give Kara a quick kiss, and Kara’s eyes widened with panic as she firmly pushed Lena back, keeping her hands braced on her shoulders to keep her away. “You cannot kiss me. If it stains, then we’ll have some explaining to do, and there’s really only one explanation as to why your lips would be covered in the same ink that I’m covered in.”

 

            “I suppose,” Lena sighed, and as Kara dropped her hands away, Lena leant in to kiss her on the cheek, where there wasn’t any ink. “Get changed and make your way to the bathing rooms. I’ll meet you there once your guard leaves.”

 

            Kara frowned slightly, looking almost concerned. “I don’t know if I should be troubled by the fact that they still haven’t caught on to you being here every night. I would like to assume that if someone broke into my quarters, they would _know_ , but they haven’t once burst in on us, and I can name a few times where I’m _sure_ they would’ve heard some things.”

 

            Snorting with laughter, Lena walked over to her abandoned shirt and slipped it on before she went in search of her leggings. “Don’t question it, darling, just be grateful.”

 

            Kara rolled her eyes and dressed herself in yesterday’s clothes, before grabbing some clean ones out of her wardrobe. She walked over to the door and paused before walking out, kissing her fingertips and fluttering them in Lena’s direction as she smiled, and then walked out into the hallway. James cracked a smile at her appearance and Kara gave him an exasperated look as she made an excuse to her own clumsiness and dismissed him, before walking downstairs to the bathing rooms.

 

            Shedding her clothes quickly, Kara jumped into the water and started to furiously scrub at her skin as she tried to wash away the ink. She was in the midst of lathering soap on her skin when the door opened just wide enough to let Lena in, and she smiled at Kara as she knelt down by the edge of the pool and reached out for Kara, who paddled closer and grabbed onto the edge of the pool.

 

            “So,” Kara grumbled, “how do I look?”

 

            “Positively beautiful,” Lena said, flashing Kara a charming dimpled smile, “if a little purple.”

 

            Kara muttered a curse under her breath and Lena laughed, earning a small splash of water to the face, much to Kara’s amusement as she watched Lena splutter. “Well, aren’t you joining me?” Kara asked, raising her eyebrows as she pushed back off the wall and floated on top of the water.

 

            Hesitating, Lena looked at her with uncertainty. “What if someone walks in?”

 

            “Firstly, very few people interrupt me in here,” Kara told her, “and second of all, do you not bathe in the other pools with the other ladies? It is not thought of as anything other than a practicality to wash oneself.”

 

            “Well, you’re right,” Lena agreed, “but I doubt we’ll get much washing done.”

 

            Letting out a sound of indignation, Kara’s eyebrows shot up, “speak for yourself, my love, for I fully intend on bathing before I look like a bloody blackberry. Permanently.”

 

            With a laugh, Lena stripped off her shirt and leggings and jumped into the water, purposely aiming for next to Kara so that she would be the victim of the splash. As Lena’s head broke the surface of the water, she brushed her wet hair out of her face and smiled at Kara, reaching out to wipe at the ink on her lips with her thumb. “It’s coming off … a little,” Lena told her as she kept gently rubbing at the ink.

 

            Kara could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she looked at Lena, so close to her and barely even touching her as they stood face to face in the pool. The water came up to just under her chin, and Kara smiled as she looked down at her, watching as Lena furrowed her brow in concentration as she tried to help clean Kara up. Feeling Kara’s intense gaze on her, she looked up, the lines on her forehead smoothing out as her expression softened. “What is it?”

 

            Having nothing to say, Kara just shook her head and smiled even wider, her eyes crinkling at the corners. She was overcome with a rush of love for Lena, and her eyes prickled slightly as a lump formed in her throat. “I want us to be like this all the time,” Kara told her, her voice trembling slightly as she reached out to brush away a wet lock of hair clinging to Lena’s cheek. “Not just in here, or in my room, but all the time.”

 

            “I know,” Lena said, a small smile playing on her lips.

 

            “It’s First Light today, and I can’t even give you a candle to put in your window,” Kara said, a slight frown gracing her features as her lips pulled down at the corners in dissatisfaction.

 

            Reaching up to rub the lines away, Lena kissed the tip of her nose. “You should not frown so much – you will end up as wrinkly as an old crone,” she teased Kara, trying to lighten the mood. “And I do not need a candle for my window. The tradition is for those who are looking to be courted, and seeing as you are already my betrothed, it seems quite redundant. Wouldn’t you say?”

 

            “That is not the point, Lena,” Kara sighed, giving her a slight grimace. “I wish to shower you with big romantic gestures, and even little ones like giving you a candle to know that you would light it for me. I will tell everyone soon.”

 

            “How soon?” Lena hesitantly asked, for as much as they both desired to be open with their relationship, they knew that things would change drastically, and as long as they could allow themselves the freedom to be with each other completely, they would be fine hiding it for a while longer. Even if it was frustrating.

 

            Kara gave the question some thought for a few moments. “A few more months I should think. Once the first spring harvests are brought in and things with the food shortages have resolved themselves.”

 

            “A few more months,” Lena murmured, “right. Yes.”

 

            “You are okay with that?” Kara asked. “I know that you would not have us sneak around like thieves in the night, but I think that announcing that I wish to wed you will cause quite an uproar, and on top of trade agreements with other kingdoms, and keeping peace within Krypton, I think that it will make for a tense atmosphere at court.”

 

            “The end of spring is perfect,” Lena agreed, “and I am more than happy to carry on as we are, for I have your word that we shall be wed, and I have you by my side each night. That in itself is more than I had ever thought we would have.”

 

            “I know,” Kara said, smiling as she gave Lena a quick kiss. Her lips were still purple and she didn’t want to linger too long in case she dyed Lena’s lips the same colour. Pulling back, Kara gave her a smile, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “Now, we should be quick or our absence will be noticed.”

 

            Laughing, Lena swam for the edge of the pool and picked up the cloth and soap that Kara had been using earlier. “I do not think they would start the celebrations without you there to give the command.”

 

            “Exactly,” Kara said, “which is why they’ll notice that I’m not there, and it won’t take some people long to realize that you aren’t either. And if they find us together …”

 

            Rolling her eyes, Lena made her way back over to Kara, kissing her on the cheek. “Well then we should be quick.”

 

\---

 

            Kara wore a yellow doublet embroidered in gold, and paired with her golden curls and crown, she looked radiant as she swept through the throne room, laughing and talking with her guests as if she didn’t have a care in the world. She had always liked the First Light festival, for it signified the beginning of longer days filled with sunshine, and after a lifetime of being told she was blessed by Rao, she had always seen the day as the beginning of her time of year. She could feel a weight lifting off her shoulders at the thought of the sun and the smell of flowers blooming, and most of her worries _did_ fade away.

 

            “Are you well, Your Majesty? You’re looking a little purple in the face,” Lena said, from behind her, and Kara whirled around, raising her eyebrows slightly. Lena was wearing a green doublet, and Kara couldn’t help but admire how it brought out her eyes; she looked the vision of spring, and all of the beautiful things that came with it.

 

            “Quite well, Lady Lena,” Kara said, raising her glass of wine to her lips. “Are you enjoying the festivities?”

 

            Lena inclined her head, smiling around the rim of her own cup of wine. “Indeed. I have been offered a half dozen candles already and it is not yet midday. Who knows how many I’ll have been offered by sundown.

 

            She felt a flicker of jealousy well up inside at the thought of others desiring to court Lena, even though she couldn’t blame them, and by the smug look on Lena’s face, she saw the jealousy in Kara’s eyes. Clearing her throat, Kara gave her a sweet smile. “Perhaps I may provide some insight into someone who would be a good match for you. As your queen, I have presiding judgment over your future _husband_.”

 

            “Well, first there was Lord Lord,” Lena said.

 

            Kara let out a burst of laughter, clapping a hand over her mouth and leaning closer to Lena as she lowered her voice, “positively _not_. His title is ridiculous in itself.”

 

            “That was my exact thinking, so alas, I had to reject his candle,” Lena said, sighing wistfully for Kara’s benefit, and smiling at the narrowed eyes shot her way in return. “And _then_ there was Lord Corbyn.”

 

            “Corbyn?” Kara scoffed, “why, he is at least twice your age.”

 

            “Mhm. I did not think him a good match for me either,” Lena said with a smile. “What of you though, Your Majesty? Any candle offers your way?”

 

            Snorting with laughter, Kara slightly rolled her eyes. “I think I should say yes to whomever offered, purely _because_ they offered. No one here would dare have the courage to be so brazen.”

 

            “I might,” Lena murmured, leaning in close, but not too close as to arouse suspicion at the nature of their closeness. “Perhaps there is already a candle waiting in your room.”

 

            Biting her lip to stop herself from smiling widely, Kara peeked at Lena out of the corner of her eye, feeling a flush of happiness sweep over her. “Well, Lady Lena, you shall have to look in my window and see if I welcome your offer of courtship.”

 

            “I will gaze upon it eagerly from the moment the sun sets,” Lena said, bowing to Kara and taking her leave.

 

            Kara was still smiling to herself as she made her way over to one of the tables laden with food and picked up a small pie. She turned her attention to a group of children playing with colourful ribbons on wooden sticks, twirling and chasing each other around as they laughed. Her heart softened at the sight, and a familiar voice broke through Kara’s thoughts, startling her slightly.

 

            “I think that perhaps you are able to understand the predicament I was in when it comes to wanting children,” Jack said, bending down slightly so that he was closer to Kara’s ear as he spoke quietly. She was taken aback by the sudden appearance of him, and her mouth fell open in surprise, before she quickly arranged her face into a smile. He knelt before her, pressing a fist to his chest as he bowed his head. “Your Majesty.”

 

            “Last time I saw you, we parted as friends,” Kara said, reaching out to guide him to his feet with a hand on his shoulder. “I would see that friendship continue, for you do not know the extent of my happiness.”

 

            “I see it in your eyes,” Jack said, smiling softly at Kara, “and is she happy?”

 

            Kara hesitated, casting her eyes around the room for Lena as a feeling of panic welled up inside her. Lena hadn’t seen him since she had returned to Kandor upon Kara’s surrender – not even to discuss breaking their marriage – and Kara wasn’t sure how she would take his arrival. It didn’t take long for her to find Lena, and of _course_ Lena was watching her, for neither of them could ever tear their eyes away from the other for too long, and even from across the room, Kara could see the wide-eyed look of panic on Lena’s face. She gave her a reassuring smile, before looking back up at Jack.

 

            “I would like to think so,” Kara said, “but few people know, and that in itself is a problem. We hope to announce it to the court soon.”

 

            “I am happy for you,” Jack said, and he sounded sincere as he spoke.

 

            Hesitantly reaching out to place a hand on his arm, Kara gave him a warm smile. “I really am grateful to you, Jack. You have given me everything, and it gladdens me to see you back at court. Especially on such a day. If I am not overstepping, I would ask if you, ah, have found someone?”

 

            “Not yet, Your Majesty, although that is what brings me here today. I have hope that on a celebration of love and light, I may be able to find someone who I can love and who loves me in return,” Jack said, a hopeful smile crossing his face. “I think perhaps I should also talk to Lena. We never got any closure, and while we have both moved on, I would still see us part as friends when I leave again.”

 

            “Of course,” Kara said, giving him another smile, “I’m sure she would agree.”

 

            They spoke for a few more minutes, of niceties and trifling matters, before Jack excused himself and walked off through the crowd. Whether or not he planned to talk to Lena now, in public, Kara didn’t know, but she knew that it was not for her to stick her nose in and interfere in a relationship that wasn’t her own. She knew that whatever happened, nothing would change between them, and she hoped that it brought Lena some peace, even if she didn’t know she needed it.

 

            Turning her attention elsewhere, Kara walked through the throne room, making polite conversation with other guests, and participating in some of the games that the less uptight lords and ladies were participating in. As improper as it was, Kara took part in a game of dice, losing three turns to a blonde girl who looked to be about the same age as her and had laughed in delight at the game. Kara remembered her from the tournament they’d help after her coronation, remembering that she had been a good competitor. She looked at the girl’s golden curls and blue eyes, tilting her head to the side as she took in the delicate beauty of her face. “Well played …” Kara said, waiting expectantly for the girl’s name.

 

            “Psi, Your Majesty, of House Marsh,” she said, dipping into a perfect curtsy.

 

            “Lady Psi,” Kara said, acknowledging her curtsy with the tip of her head. “I would share a drink with the victor.”

 

            “You honour me, Your Majesty,” Psi said, a delighted smile gracing her face as she fell into step slightly behind Kara.

 

            Plucking two goblets off a nearby server holding a tray, Kara led them through the throne room, nodding and smiling at people as she passed them by. She handed one of the goblets to Psi, and raised it slightly in a silent toast. “I remember you from the coronation tournament. You fought well.”

 

            “You flatter me, Your Majesty,” Psi said, ducking her head slightly.

 

            “Your family’s holdings are in Skokie, are they not?” Kara asked, taking a sip of her wine as she waited for Psi to reply. She confirmed Kara’s words, and Kara continued. “Do you live there? Or perhaps you are already wed?”

 

            “I am not yet wed, Your Majesty,” Psi said, and a slow smile spread across Kara’s face as a plan started to form in her mind.

 

            Trying to remain casual, Kara turned the conversation to other topics, jesting with Psi and trying to judge her character. She seemed witty and smart and Kara felt sure that she would be perfect. “I have a mind to introduce you to a friend of mine I think you would like, if you don’t mind,” Kara said, smiling at Psi, who quickly agreed. She scanned the room, spotting Jack deep in conversation with James, and looped her arm through Psi’s, all but dragging her over to the two men.

 

            “Lord Spheer, Lord Olsen, may I introduce you to Lady Psi of House Marsh,” Kara said, giving Jack an encouraging smile as he looked at her in surprise, his attention quickly sliding to the girl beside her. James offered her a polite bow, and then Jack, remembering his manners, copied the movement. Feigning ignorance as to the nature of the introduction, James excused himself, citing his wife for the reason of his departure, leaving the three of them alone. Kara played mediator for a few minutes, trying to lighten the mood and prompt conversation. To her surprise, they didn’t need much help, and she was able to quietly excuse herself as Jack and Psi fell into easy conversation, both acting coy as they flirted.

 

            Wandering across to the other side of the room, Kara samples a few of the sweet cakes as she tried to pretend that she wasn’t watching Jack and Psi out of the corner of her eye. The sound of someone clearing their throat to Kara’s left made her turn and look, smiling as she took in the sight of Lena, who was staring intently at her. “Are you trying to return the favour of making me jealous?” Lena asked, and Kara choked back a laugh, her eyes crinkling at the corners.

 

            “Cast your gaze across the room, my dear,” Kara murmured, “and you will see the masterful plan I have set into motion. Look, do they not look like they are enjoying themselves?” Even as the two girls stared at the couple, they watched Jack offer Psi a small candle with a charming smile, and she reached out to accept it, returning his smile with a bright one of her own. “See? My plan is working.”

 

            “Ah,” Lena muttered, “I am glad to see him trying to move on.”

 

            “You spoke earlier?” Kara asked, looking at Lena with slight concern.

 

            Lena nodded, giving her a small smile. “It was … not so bad. He is too kind, and I will always be grateful to him for giving me my freedom. I wish him well, and that he finds his happiness. Perhaps with her – she’s pretty.”

 

            Kara smiled, her fingers just gently brushing Lena’s, as she took a bite out of a little strawberry tart. “Not as pretty as you.”

 

\---

 

            The rest of the day was spent playing more games and watching people spar. To Alex’s chagrin, Astra bested her once again, and then Kara sparred with Lena, coming out the victor. She suspected that Lena let her win to save her some embarrassment, because Kara had sparred with her dozens of times and knew that Lena could beat her. There was polite applause when Kara disarmed her, and Lena gave her a proud smile as she bowed and reclaimed her dropped sword.

 

            Everyone retired to the great hall for the feast afterwards, and Kara fell into conversation with Astra about some matters of the kingdom. With some satisfaction, Kara saw that Jack was seated next to Psi, and they were deep in conversation as they ate. Her eyes darted to Lena, who was wedged in between Lucy and Winn, and Kara smiled at the sight of her talking to them. She liked the thought of Lena getting along well with her friends, and knew that it would make things easier for them both when they announced their love if those closest to Kara already liked Lena. Turning back to Astra, Kara tried to think up a way to allow her aunt and Lena to spend some time together with her at the same time, for she knew that one of the biggest obstacles would be Astra. She had ruled for years to ensure that Kara’s transition to queen would be smooth, and declaring that she would marry a woman would be the exact opposite of things running smoothly.

 

            As the sun started to set through the tall windows behind the high table, Kara rose to her feet and declared that it was time for those with candles to return to their rooms and light them, and those who had given them to take a wander through the gardens and see if the window of the one they wished to court was lit up.

 

            For the rest of the evening, Kara mingled with guests she had yet to meet with, and told stories to the children who crowded around her with bright smiles on their faces. She sang along with the musicians and danced and drank wine, until soon enough the hall started to empty as everyone retired for the night. Wishing her friends and family goodnight, Kara looked around for Lena, feeling slightly disappointed when she couldn’t spot her in the room. Giving Eliza a quick kiss on the cheek, Kara took her leave, pausing when Alex called after her.

 

            “Sister, I have been asked to remind you that there is a candle waiting to be lit in your room,” Alex whispered in her ear, “so I would put it in your window if I were you … in case someone was watching outside.”

 

            Kissing her sister on the cheek, Kara smiled and made her way up to her room. It was late enough that all of the people who had been outside waiting to see if a candle would be lit for them, so as Kara walked into her room, she lit the candle waiting on the table and walked over to her window.

 

            She didn’t have to wait long for a knock on the door, and she took the candle out of the window and walked over to answer it. Eagerly pulling Lena inside, Kara shut the door and rounded on her, taking it the wide-eyed look on her face as she gazed around the room. Kara smiled as Lena smiled, the sight of the dozens of candles Kara had lit bathing the room in soft orange light. “It might not be your window, and, as you said, it might be redundant, _but_ I couldn’t _not_ give you a candle on First Light,” Kara said, wrapping one hand around Lena’s waist and pulling her close.

 

            “This is a bit more than one candle,” Lena laughed, her eyes showing all of her love and happiness at the gesture.

 

            “One candle is if you would like me to court you, and seeing as I will marry you one day, I thought more candles were in order to properly display my feelings,” Kara said, raising the candle that Lena had given her. “This one is by far the best one though.”

 

            Smiling, Lena took the candle out of Kara’s hand and set it down on the table, before holding out her hands for Kara and leading them over to the bed. She roughly kissed Kara, pulling her clothes off and removing the golden crown as they fell onto the blankets. Kara had half a mind to let her continue, but before their shirts came off, her fingers circled Lena’s wrists, stopping her as she sat upright.

 

            “Lena, wait,” Kara mumbled against her lips, brushing her dark hair out of her face and cupping her cheeks as she pulled away from her. “I would have us talk a moment.”

 

            Pulling back further, Lena looked at her with worry, “you sound serious. Is there something the matter?”

 

            “I- well, it’s First Light today, and I would leave all of the bad and darkness behind me. Behind _us_ ,” Kara said, a spasm of pain flashing across her face. “We have yet to speak about what we bother endured at her hands. I understand that we both needed time to recover safe in each others arms, but I … I would like us to discuss it now. I would know of what she did to you, and tell you what she did to me, and then we can move on together and let it trouble us no more.”

 

            “If-if it’s what you would like, then I shall tell you,” Lena hesitantly agreed, “but … it will be harder for you than me. If you don’t want to, then I will not make you tell me.”

 

            Kara gave her a quick kiss, before she wormed her way under the blankets and held her arms open for Lena to cuddle up into her embrace. Once they were settled down, Kara asked Lena to go first, and she closed her eyes as she listened to the soft sound of Lena’s voice as she explained everything. They had both given vague details and small hints before, but this time it was the whole truth, and it hurt them both to have to listen to what they’d been through. There were tears, gently kissed away, and laughter as they tried to cheer each other up afterwards, and it wasn’t until the early hours of the morning that they both fell asleep, exhausted and more in love than ever as they lay wrapped up in each others arms.  


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Busy day today so it's not quite as long as usual, but next chapter will hopefully be a bit longer and exciting

            Weeks passed by slowly. The first seeds were planted and tiny buds appeared on trees where the first fruits of the season would start to grow, and the weather turned warm, causing everyone to slack off as they lounged around outside and went beyond the castle walls to ride through fields of long grass and blooming flowers. For Kara, it was the happiest she could ever remember being, and she spent days riding off with Lena, having picnics on the side of a rolling green hill, or climbing trees to pick the first ripe cherries and swimming in small streams of freezing cold water. As the weather warmed, they spent days wandering through Kandor City, eyeing the wares of merchants and praying at the temple, before making their way along the docks and down to the packed beaches, where they would splash in the sea, letting the salt and sun kiss their skin and hot sand burn the soles of their feet. Kara couldn’t remember a spring quite like it, and as it passed by, she felt lighter, and attributed it to the knowledge that soon she would tell everyone the truth, and so far, it looked like it was going to be one of the best harvests they’d had in a long while. Things were falling into place well.

 

            They awoke to another sunny day, and Kara was reluctant to leave bed for a while longer, making sure she’d kissed every inch of Lena’s body before she declared it time to get up. She smiled brightly at Lena, dragging on a clean shift and struggling into a dress. “How would you like to go riding today, my love?” Kara asked, a hopeful look on her face.

 

            “I would love it, but remember, you have that council meeting today,” Lena told her, “and I am to have breakfast with my mother.”

 

            “Your mother? Is she trying to palm you off to more husbands?” Kara laughed, crossing over to Lena and giving her a hard kiss. “She may try all she likes.”

 

            Lena let out a quiet laugh, “no, I don’t believe that it what she wants to discuss today.”

 

            “Well, the meeting shall be brief, I hope. I would meet you at the stables before the sun is at its highest peak,” Kara told her, giving Lena another kiss. Without another word, Kara felt slightly guilty as she turned around and walked out into the hallway, giving James a nod as she dismissed him.

 

            He stared at her for a moment and gave her a hesitant smile. “Forgive me, Kara, but I would advise you to change,” James said, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes, “she has left a mark on your shoulder that your dress doesn’t hide.”

 

            “But- wha- how? When did y-“ Kara spluttered, feeling her face flush red as she realized that James knew. “Lucy?”

 

            “My wife knows?” James asked, his eyebrows flying up in surprise. Kara gave him an apologetic shrug, and a lopsided smile. “Of course she does,” James sighed, shaking his head slightly, “and, well, it is not hard to distinguish two voices, even if one cannot hear the conversation. I-I also saw Lady Lena entering late one night before I arrived for guard duty.”

 

            Kara let out a small groan, “shit! How long have you known?”

 

            “Some months now,” James said with a slight shrug, “I cannot be sure if Winn also knows, but I know that he would not gossip about it and neither shall I.”

 

            “Thank you, James,” Kara squeaked, attempting to clear her throat as she continued, “that will be all for now.”

 

            She stood there with a hand clamped on her shoulder as she watched James give her a slight smile and a brief bow, before he walked off down the hallway to his quarters. Turning around, Kara let herself back inside her room, taking Lena by surprise, and let out a wordless cry. Lena tilted her head to the side, her eyebrows drawn slightly together as she looked at Kara in confusion.

 

            “Is everything well, my love?”

 

            “All those months we thought we were being sneaky by bringing you in before James got here, and he already _knew!”_ Kara exclaimed, and Lena let out a snort of laughter.

 

            “Oh Gods, this is truly turning into the worst kept secret in the whole kingdom,” Lena laughed. “I only hope that the first harvest comes soon, for I would hate to think about your aunt or my mother finding out about us before you have the chance to tell them.”

 

            “Mm, you’re right,” Kara agreed, “now, if you would be so kind as to help me out of my dress, I must change, or they will _definitely_ find out thank to this mark _you_ left on my shoulder.”

 

            Letting out another laugh, Lena walked over and traced her finger over the purplish bruise on Kara’s shoulder, murmuring her apologies as she kissed the side of Kara’s neck. The dress was quick to come off, and Kara’s new clothes were slow to replace them.

 

\---

 

            As Kara met Lena at the stables before noon, she couldn’t wipe the wide smile off her face, and quickly swung up into the saddle of her waiting horse as soon as they exchanged polite greetings. It was a struggle for Kara to keep her hands to herself in her excitement, and she gripped the reins tightly as her and Lena made their way throught the open gate and down the drawbridge, relishing the freedom that was offered to them beyond the castle walls. Sometimes it occurred to Kara that they could just run away, and if she wasn’t duty-bound to her crown and kingdom, she might’ve been selfish enough to do it.

 

            “That is a fine horse,” Kara said, looking at the pure black horse that Lena sat atop as a smile played on her lips, “is it new?”

 

            “I’m not sure whose it is,” Lena said, her brow wrinkling in confusion, “they saddled her for me and wouldn’t listen to my objections that she’s not _my_ horse. Although, I admit she is a fine one at that.”

 

            Smiling at her, Kara urged Comet to go faster, and they were soon flying over the fields, making their way towards whatever end destination Kara had in mind. It took them a short while to get there, and the beautiful countryside spread out around them made for a lovely ride, and there was much laughter from the two girls as they let the wind run through their hair as they rode, making jokes and commenting on beautiful flowers or the sheep grazing as a shepherd watched them close by. Soon enough though, they came to a small copse of trees, and at the edge of it, a familiar poppy field. Lena had said that the last time she'd come here the flowers her been killed off by the early winter frost, but at the back end of spring, they were thriving in the midst of the green grass, a splash of colour against the endless green. A wide smile split Lena’s face as they reined in their horses and set them to graze, and Lena eyed the display before her. There was a beautifully woven blanket spread out with pillows and an array of baskets that Lena had no doubt was full of the finest food and drink that the castle could offer. There were other things too, like coarse sacks and small chests and barrels, and Lena looked puzzled as she swung down off her horse.

 

            Kara came up behind her and wrapped her arms around Lena’s waist, pulling her back against her chest and bringing her lips to Lena’s ear, feeling her shiver at the feeling of Kara’s warm breath. “You didn’t think I would forget your birthday, did you?” Kara murmured, a slow smile spreading across her face as she heard Lena’s breathing hitch slightly.

 

            “You remember it?” Lena asked, turning around in Kara’s embrace.

 

            “Of _course_ I remember it,” Kara said, leaning down to give her a chaste kiss, “I may not have been here last year to celebrate it, or many years before that, but I have never forgotten it. At the temple, I would light a small candle for you every year, and say a quick prayer to the gods for another year of love and happiness for you.”

 

            Lena’s eyebrows raised slightly in surprise, and her eyes shone with happiness and a slight sheen of unshed tears, and she pulled Kara’s face to her own, fiercely kissed her as they stood surrounded by the red flowers. Eventually, Kara pulled back, giving Lena an eye-crinkling smile as she let out a small laugh. “Do you not want to see your gifts?” Kara asked.

 

            Hesitating, Lena nodded, giving her another quick kiss, before she let Kara lead her over to the blanket and they both settled down, propping themselves up on the pillows as they stretched their legs out before them. They were partially in the shade, for Kara knew that Lena’s pale skin was prone to burning if she spent too long in the sun, but the sun was hot on the leather of their leggings and they basked in the warmth of it.

 

            “First of all, the horse,” Kara said, gesturing to where it stood chewing some grass. “Her name is Blackberry.”

 

            Lena let out a laugh of surprise, “ah, this plan is more well thought out than I could possibly have imagined.”

 

            “You don’t know that half of it, my love,” Kara said, opening one of the baskets and producing a skin of wine, which she carefully poured into two cups for them. “I had Alex and Maggie out here at the crack of dawn to start setting up, in case any curious eyes questioned why all of these supplies were leaving the castle. Now, your second gift; there is a new falcon waiting for you back at the castle, as I know how much you like to hunt.”

 

            To Kara’s enjoyment, she produced another dozen gifts for Lena, some of them held in the chests surrounding them, such as finely embroidered dresses and doublets, a new scabbard for her sword, a dozen books from far off countries, and then a piece of jewelry. They ate from the vast display of food that Kara had requested from the kitchens, and as they came to the end of the gifts, Kara set aside a small pie she was eating in favour of the small golden ring she held tightly in her hand.

 

            With a slow smile, she held her hand out for Lena, opening it to reveal the golden ring nestled in her palm, and smiling even wider when Lena reached out to pluck it from her hand. Her brow was furrowed in concentration as she stared down at it. “This- this is your crest,” Lena said, her expression changing to one of surprise as she looked up at Kara.

 

            “You are currently eating and surrounded by the produce of the first harvest, my love,” Kara announced, gesturing around at the unopened sacks and barrels. “Sacks of wheat and grain, barrels of apples and pears from my own orchards. Carrots and potatoes, and all manner of food! It is sooner than we had thought to see the harvest ready, and it is expected to be the best harvest we have had in a long while, and hunger will be a far away thought from everyone’s minds. More farms have been up and running this season, and they are all commencing with their own harvesting as we speak, which means … it is time to carry out my promise. At the council meeting a week’s hence from today, I will tell my advisors and council members that I have picked who I am to wed, and I will command preparations for my wedding to be made and invitations sent out. In the summer I will marry you, and I would have you bear my name, and sit beside me and be my equal in all things.”

 

            “Kara,” Lena breathlessly murmured, a look of wonder on her face as she looked up at her. “This-“

 

            “It is everything I want,” Kara told her, a hungry look in her eyes as she gazed upon Lena, “ _you_ are everything I ever want. I would not hide you any longer. I will not hold back from showering you with my love and affection any time I want to, or give you as many lavish gifts as my heart desires. I promised by the end of spring, yet the harvest has come early, and if the gods have a plan, as I believe they do, this is as good a sign as any to carry out my promise all the more sooner.”

 

            Putting the ring back in Kara’s hand, Lena gave her a teary smile, reaching up to cup her face and kiss her deeply. When she pulled back she curled Kara’s fingers around the ring, giving her hand a small squeeze. “Hold onto this for me, until you have told them, and then I swear it shall never leave my finger.” Kara let out a slightly choked up laugh, all but lunging for Lena as she pinned her to the blanket and peppered her face with kisses as Lena laughed and squirmed beneath her.

 

            "Happy birthday, my love," Kara murmured against her skin.


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oop there it is

            It was early when Kara woke, and she sat up as she rubbed her tired eyes, grumbling at the time. She heard a small laugh and felt a pair of lips brush her bare shoulder, right over the old brand mark, and a slow smile spread across her face. Turning, Kara looked down at Lena, and leant down to give her a lingering kiss.

 

            “Good morning,” Kara mumbled against her lips. “How did you sleep?”

 

            “Not well,” Lena sighed, tracing her thumb over Kara’s cheekbone as she pulled back. “But I did get to watch you sleep for a while, which I am happy for. You’ve been restless the past few nights.”

 

            “I am worried,” Kara admitted, rolling over onto her back and laying down next to Lena, who shuffled closer so that she could lay her head on Kara’s chest. With a small smile, Kara placed a kiss to the top of her head and gave her a slight squeeze.

 

            Lena tilted her head so that she was looking up at Kara, a look of mild surprise on her face. “So you mean to do it then?”

 

            Laughing, Kara propped herself up on her pillows so that she could gaze down at Lena. Raising an eyebrow, she tilted her head to the side, looking amused. “You sound as if you doubt me.”

 

            Rolling her eyes, Lena gave her an uncertain look. “I don’t doubt you … I know that you would keep your word eventually. But I know that an quarrel will be inevitable, and they are your _council_. You must have some reservations.”

 

            “Not about you though,” Kara softly smiled, and then she rolled over to climb out of bed, feeling warm hands gently pull her back. They kissed for a few moments, and Kara smiled against Lena’s lips as she attempted to pull back, but Lena’s lips chased after hers. “My love, if I am to tell them that we are to be wed, I need to make it to the council chambers for the meeting. Unless you would prefer I ask for their presence here, and they can see for themselves.”

 

            Laughing, Lena gave her a gentle push out of bed, and Kara smiled as she walked over to the wash basin, splashing cold water on her face and drying herself. She quickly dressed in a clean shirt and threw a doublet on over the top, before she fetched her crown and set it down on top of her curls. The heavy cloak made her grumble, as it was starting to get too hot for it, with the fur mantle, but it was a symbol of her right to rule and so she begrudgingly put it on. From the comfort of the bed, Lena laughed at Kara’s faint grimance, and Kara gave her a loving smile as she walked over to the bed. Leaning down, she gave Lena a gentle kiss, and Lena wound her fingers through Kara’s long hair. It had taken them months, but they had slowly overcome the war, and they even had less nightmares now, even though Kara hated to go down to the sublevels of the castle, or be cooped up inside for too long. Everything was perfect, and about to be even more so.

 

            “I shall see you after the meeting,” Kara told her, an excited smile crossing her face.

 

            “I love you,” Lena called after her as Kara turned and walked towards the door, ordering Streaky to stay and keep Lena company.

 

            Pausing with her hand on the handle, Kara gave her another warm smile. “And I love you.”

 

\---

 

            She ate breakfast first, with Alex and Eliza, and asked for her mother to join them at the council meeting, much to Eliza’s surprise. Kara had already told Alex, and she had hesitantly agreed that it was the right thing to do if she didn’t want to keep sneaking around the castle with Lena, but she knew that her sister was also afraid of the reaction the announcement would get. Still, Kara felt slightly better at having her sister on her side when the argument broke out. They ate quickly, and the three of them strode through the castle, and with each step, Kara felt her nerves grow, until she was sure she looked like a shaking mess. She didn’t stop though, she just reminded herself that no matter how things went, she was still the queen, and her word was law. If she wanted to marry Lena, then Kara was going to marry Lena.

 

            Her council members were already gathered outside the room waiting for her, and Kara greeted them all with warm, nervous smiles. Her eyes lingered on Lillian for a moment longer, noticing the furrowed brow as she looked at Kara – or rather, looked at her clothes – and Kara took a small glance down at herself, wondering if she had spilt her porridge all down the front of her doublet. With a jolt, Kara dimly realized that she had seen this doublet before … on Lena’s floor. She could almost feel the blood drain from her face, and then flood back up as she felt her face burning a bright red. She couldn’t meet Lillian’s stare, and she ducked her head as she walked into the room ahead of everyone, her hand seeking out Alex’s, who walked a half-step behind her.

 

            “She knows,” Kara hissed, and she could almost feel Alex’s posture turn rigid.

 

            “You are paranoid, sister,” Alex murmured, “and what little does it matter now? You are going to tell everyone anyway.” Kara swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded slightly, sitting down at her throne. She watched as everyone else took their seats, and another chair was brought in for Eliza. Taking a deep breath, Kara looked at each face in turn, taking in the piercing stare of Lillian’s eyes, the expectant faces of Cat and Astra, and plain copper mask of The High Priestess. Winn gave her a warm smile, and although he didn’t know what she was about to say, she felt a rush of affection for her friend, for he must’ve known if James knew, and he hadn’t told anyone, so he would most likely be in her corner too.

 

            Shaking herself out of her thoughts, Kara realized that everyone was waiting for her to beging the meeting. Clearing her throat slightly, she gave them a nervous smile. “There is a matter of great importance that I wish to discuss with you all today,” Kara started, her confidence growing as she spoke. “It is time to discuss my marriage.”

 

            “Oh!” Astra exclaimed in surprise, smiling brightly at Kara, “I had thought you opposed to the idea, niece.”

 

            “I have been opposed to an _arranged_ marriage, aunt, for I told you I would only marry for love.”

 

            Everyone blinked in surprise, and Kara was aware of Lillian’s eyes widening slightly. “I did not realize anyone courted you, Your Majesty,” Cat said, and Kara let out a nervous laugh.

 

            “Well, it has been kept a secret, until the right moment came along and the first harvests began,” Kara told them, “but now I would see myself wed.”

 

            “And who might your suitor be so that we may arrange an offer of betrothal?” Astra asked, raising her eyebrows expectantly.

 

            Kara slowly climbed to her feet, bracing herself on the edge of the table as she took a deep breath. Standing up straight, she cast her gaze to each face in turn, and at a nod of encouragement off Alex, Kara looked at Astra. “I am already betrothed, aunt,” Kara said, holding up a hand as everyone began to murmur in surprise, except for Lillian and Alex, and continuing, “to Lady Lena of House Luthor.”

 

            The ensuing silence was deafening, and Kara stood there expectantly as everyone stared at her in dumbfounded shock. It was another few moments before anyone spoke, and Kara could feel her heart pounding in her chest as her anxiety built.

 

            “No,” Astra said after a moment.

 

            Turning to look down at her, Kara raised her eyebrows. “I was not asking your permission, aunt,” Kara firmly told her.

 

            “Your Majesty,” Cat said in a condescending tone of voice, letting out a small sigh as she looked at Kara, “forgive me for saying it, but I agree with your aunt. You _must_ have an heir.”

 

            “My cousin’s wife is halfway through carrying her own child, and will be at Kandor within the week, I should think,” Kara said, “she carries my heir.”

 

            “No!” Astra said again, louder this time, and filled with frustration and anger. She brought her fist down on the table as she climbed to her feet. Looking at Lillian, Astra’s face hardened. “Did you know about this?”

 

            Lillian hadn’t so much as moved an inch since Kara had said her daughter’s name, and at Astra’s accusing words, she turned her hard gaze off Kara and looked at Astra. “I did _not_ ,” Lillian snapped, “and I will _not_ allow it.”

 

            Astra seemed taken aback, and relieved at Lillian’s agreement, and Kara felt her temper rising. Lillian climbed to her feet with a look of anger on her face, and bowed her head to Kara. “If you’ll excuse me, Your Majesty.”

 

            “I will _not_ ,” Kara bitingly told her, “ _sit down.”_

 

            Everyone looked shocked at Kara’s harsh words, for she was always careful to be polite to her council members, even when she didn’t want to be. It was clear that Lillian had thought to go and seek out her daughter, and Kara was unwilling to let her until they had discussed the matter.

 

            “Did you know of this?” Astra asked Alex, who sat on the other side of Kara.

 

            “I did,” her sister agreed, stubbornly raising her chin, “I am allowed to love Maggie, the stable boy is allowed to love the blacksmith’s son. Why should my sister be denied her heart’s desire?”

 

            “Because she is the _queen_!” Astra snarled, “and she must have an _heir_. She does _not_ get to throw her line away over her foolish love for a bastard girl.”

 

            Kara’s eyes blazed with anger as she looked at Astra. “Enough!” she shouted, and everyone fell silent. “You are right, aunt, I _am_ the queen. I have kept this secret too long already, and I will keep it no longer. I love her, and she loves me, and it is a mere courtesy that I inform you all of our decision.”

 

            “I am not saying that you shouldn’t _love_ her, little one,” Astra said, pinching the bridge of her nose, “I am saying you shouldn’t _marry_ her. Take her as a mistress if you will, but you _must_ marry a man for an heir. You may do what you wish in your own time. Gods know how many men and women in this castle have taken lovers, but they did their duty _first_.”

 

            “You would have my daughter be a _mistress_?” Lillian exclaimed, her face a mask of horror at the thought. “I forbid it.”

 

            “Then you and I are on the same page, Lady Luthor,” Kara agreed, “for I will not shame her before the entire court. Not when I love her and would see her stand by my side as my equal.”

 

            Cat cleared her throat to get Kara’s attention. “Your equal?”

 

            “A marriage is made on equal footing. I would make her queen,” Kara told her.

 

            There was another burst of exclamations at Kara’s words, and she let out an impatient sigh, banging her hand on the table.

 

            “None may stand beside you, Your Majesty,” Winn tentatively spoke, and Kara silenced him with a hard look.

 

            “None may stand _before_ me. No one shall be _king_ , yet there is nothing to say that I cannot have a _queen,_ ” Kara stiffly replied, “and so she will stand _beside_ me. The law is whatever I make it, and I reign with the divine blessing of the _Gods_. It has been _months_ and there has been no retribution, and only further proof of blessings from the Gods. They have a plan, and the course of my life shows that their plan is for me to carry no heirs, to let my line continue through the cousin’s child, and to follow my heart. I will always put the welfare of the people before my own, _but_ the people do not care about lineage and houses – they care only for good harvests and someone who keeps the land safe.”

 

            “But-“

 

            “I will have no more talk of this,” Kara snapped. “My mind is set; I will wed Lady Lena at Midsummer’s Day. Make preparations and send out invitations to every lord, lady and noble in the land, as well as other guests of notable work. The meeting is adjourned.”

 

            Kara pushed her chair back and stormed around the table, feeling Astra’s hand wind around her arm and pull her around so that they were face to face. She didn’t look happy. “Niece, I love you as if you were my own daughter, and everything I have done is to ensure that this land has a good ruler. I beg you to reconsider – you know what happened to your parents when they failed in their duties.”

 

            Yanking her arm back, Kara frowned at her aunt. “Love is not a crime, aunt, and it will not force me to fail in my duties.”

 

            “It does, just by hindering you having an heir,” Astra argued.

 

            “My daughter has spoken of her wishes, now see them carried out as our queen commands,” Eliza said from behind Kara.

 

            Astra’s eyes flickered past Kara’s shoulder, and she sneered at Eliza. “She is not _your_ daughter. You are merely the woman who raised her for a few years and was to instill a sense of duty into her. I put this blame upon you.”

 

            Clenching her teeth, Kara gave her aunt a hard look. “You will apologise to my _mother_ , and we will speak of this no more. I have ordered you to organize my wedding, and I expect it done.”

 

            “I will not do it, Your Majesty,” Astra said, stubbornly raising her chin. “I will not help you bring ruin upon yourself, for I love you, niece.”

 

            “Then I shall have no use for you at my side,” Kara said, a look of pain crossing her face. “I hope you will reconsider, for if you do not, I will have no choice but to find someone better suited to the position.” She turned to look at everyone else, who had all lingered after the meeting to watch the confrontation. “Would anyone else care to carry out my orders?”

 

            Winn opened his mouth, but Cat brought a hand down on his shoulder, cutting him off. “Do not be foolish for your friendship with her, boy. You know that we are all right.”

 

            Kara’s mouth fell open slightly in shock, and she felt a deep stab of betrayal at the fact that no one was going to listen to her. She had known that they would not agree, and had expected this reaction, but she had secretly hoped that at least one of them would have been on her side. They owed her their allegiance, and she knew that they thought that they were doing what was best to protect her and the crown, so Kara didn’t blame them for disobeying her, and she hoped that time would help them understand.

 

            “I will give you a week to think on the matter,” Kara told them all. “At the next meeting we will discuss which of you are loyal to me, and which of you would betray me. I pray that it is the former, for you know the penalty of treason.”

 

            Without another word, she walked to the doors and opened it, pulling up short when she saw Lena nervously pacing back and forth in the hallway. She glanced up at the sound of the door opening, and her face split into a hesitant smile, which grew smaller as she took in the grim one on Kara’s face. Taking a step towards her, Kara blinked in surprise as Lillian brushed past her, watching as she stormed towards her daughter and slapped her hard. Kara was there in an instant, grabbing Lillian’s wrist as she reached out to grab Lena, who held a hand to her stinging cheek.

 

            “Strike her again, and you will no longer have hands,” Kara warned her in a low voice, and Lillian raised her chin slightly, her eyes holding no fear at Kara’s words. Letting go of her wrist, Kara turned on Lena, her face softening as she looked at her and reached out for her hand. “Here, let me look,” Kara murmured, bringing the hand away and reaching up to brush her cold fingers against Lena’s cheek. The tenderness of the moment was even more shocking to everyone than the confession had been, for there could be no denying the love between the two of them, just from the intimacy of a small gesture.

 

            “You denied potential suitors because you said you were not in love, only for you to be lying in favour of a _woman?”_ Lillian hissed at her daughter. “You have been sneaking around for _months_ , letting her sleep in your room while you made your queen unvirtuous for her future husband – oh yes, I remember seeing that doublet on your floor. I would have thought you smarter than this, daughter. Smarter than thinking you could ever be with the queen. You shame yourself for this, and for letting your marriage fall apart in favour of it, for no doubt _that_ is why Jack set you aside, is it not? This will end in bloodshed, daughter, and it might very well be yours.”

 

            “You speak of things you know nothing about, mother,” Lena haughtily replied, her face all hard lines as she glowered at Lillian.

 

            “I know _exactly_ what I talk about, daughter. Your beloved’s parents were killed for less – do you think that a bastard marrying the queen will be approved of? Even if it were, you paint a target on your back.”

 

            “Then I shall protect her,” Kara said, a stubborn look on her face, “as I have always done.”

 

            Lillian turned her piercing star onto her, and Kara threw her shoulders back, drawing herself up to her full height. She still didn’t manage the effortless intimidation that Lillian exuded. “Forgive me, Your Majesty, but this is between my daughter and I.”

 

            “As your future daughter, I would think I have a say in such matters,” Kara snarkily replied, “I would think that a daughter becoming a queen would be a source of pride for most mothers. Your daughter will never want for anything, and I would think that it would please you to see her treated as such. I will pay a sizeable dowry, and if it please you, I would empty my entire treasury to be able to wed your daughter, for gold means little to me. I have loved your daughter since I was a _child,_ before I even knew what love was, and nobody will love her like I can. It saddens me that you do not see it that way. You are excused now, Lady Luthor. Come, my love.” She took Lena by the elbow and steered her away from Lillian, and set off down the hall in a brisk pace.

 

            Alex and Eliza followed after her, and Kara was aware of whispered voices hissing behind her and had no doubt that the council was busy trying to come up with a way to talk Kara out of her decision. If they would have listened, she would’ve told them not to bother, yet everyone’s tempers were rising and she knew that a civil conversation was out of the question right now. Instead, she just kept walking, guiding Lena along with her and feeling slight joy at the fact that she had done it, she had told them, and it didn’t matter what their reaction was, because at least they knew and she could be open with her love for Lena. The opinions of the servants and the other lords and ladies mattered little, and Kara would care little of their whispered remarks that would spread to court gossip if they saw Kara tenderly brush Lena’s cheek or held her hand on walks through the garden.

 

            They were soon back in Kara’s chambers, and James stood guard outside, no doubt wondering what had Kara looking so tense and worried. She all but flung her crown down on the table, the metal ringing as it rocked slightly before settling down flat, and Kara struggled with the weight of her cloak, feeling tears of frustration well up as the overwhelming folds of the cloak enveloped her.

 

            “Here, let me,” Lena softly told her, her hands replacing Kara’s and gently lifted the cloak over her head. Kara glanced at her, and seeing the loving gaze upon Lena’s face, promptly burst into tears. She felt warm arms encircle her, and Lena soothingly rubbed circles on her back as she murmured reassuring nonsense into Kara’s ear. Guiding her over to a spot before the fire, Lena sat down next to her and cradled her close while Alex poured everyone some wine.

 

            Her tears passed by quickly, and Kara wiped at her face with one of the handkerchiefs Lena had made her, sniffing as she accepted the wine with a thank you. “Forgive me,” Kara hoarsely murmured, “I am just disheartened. I knew it would go as such, but I had hoped that it would not.”

 

            “It matters little to me what they say,” Lena said, brushing Kara’s hair out of her face and giving her a warm smile.

 

            Kara nodded, returning the smile, and glanced up at Alex and Eliza as she drank deeply from her wine. She was surprised to see Eliza staring at them both with her head tilted to the side and a look of open wonder on her face. Her eyes caught Kara’s and she gave her a small smile. “You really do love her,” Eliza said, sounding surprised. “I did not see it, but it is so plainly obvious, and I cannot understand how we have all been so oblivious to it. You will not be happy with anyone else.”

 

            “No, we will not,” Kara said, and Eliza gave her a sad smile.

 

            “I never raised you as the queen, my daughter, but as one of the common folk. Perhaps that was one of my mistakes, for if I had raised you to believe that marrying for an heir was your only option, you might’ve never ended up here … but I do not regret raising you to put love above all else, for there is nothing greater than to hold the one you love in your arms. I wish you both happiness together.”

 

            Kara nodded, giving her mother a warm smile, and Alex gave her sister a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, it will all work out,” Alex told her, “they cannot disobey your orders, or else it will be treason. I would gladly run through anyone who opposes you.”

 

            Laughing, Kara drained the rest of her wine. “Even Winn?”

 

            “Oh come now, we all know Winn would follow you into Rao’s halls, before his time, if you asked him to,” Alex said, “I will have some stern words for him though, the next time we cross paths. He should not let Lady Cat bully him into silence.”

 

            “I will not let anyone be bullied into silence,” Kara said, raising her chin, “least of all me.”

 

\---

 

            They had spent the rest of the day cooped up inside Kara’s chambers, and Kara had explained all that had happened in the council meeting. Lena had been as furious as she was, and Kara had bit back a smile as she tried to get her to stop pacing and ranting as she cursed out everyone in the council with every swear word in her vocabulary. No one except Alex had been permitted into the room once Eliza had taken her leave, and only then it was to bring a midday meal and supper for the two girls as they lolled around, reading and laughing as they tried to lighten the mood. As Lena read aloud from one of the books Kara had gifted her for her birthday, Kara felt relaxed, the sound of Lena’s voice lulling her into a comfortable state of happiness, and she knew that no matter what happened, they would be okay.

 

            The moon was high in the sky when Kara bolted upright in bed, startling Lena, who had been tracing lazy patterns over her bare chest. “What is it, my love?”

 

            “Get dressed,” Kara told her, scrambling out of bed and reaching for her abandoned clothes. Lena hurried to obey her orders, pulling her shirt on over her head and hopping as she pulled on her leggings. Rushing over to her desk, Kara pulled open one of the drawers and started rifling through documents and quills and opened letters, coming up with something small in her hand. She walked over to Lena, cupping her head in her hands as she kissed her roughly, her lips urgent against Lena’s. They were breathing heavily when they broke apart, and Kara rested her forehead against Lena’s as she picked up both of her hands. “You asked me to keep this for you, until I told everyone.”

 

            Lena opened her hand as Kara pressed the small golden ring with the House of El crest engraved in it, and Lena’s fingers closed around it. “Then it shall never leave my finger, as I promised.” Kara smiled as she watched Lena slip off the Luthor family ring off her index finger and replace it with the El one, and she picked up Lena’s hand and kissed it.

 

            “Come, put a cloak on,” Kara whispered.

 

            “Where are we going?”

 

            “To get married.”

 

            Lena let out a splutter as she took in Kara’s words. “ _Married?”_

 

            Kara hesitated for a moment, before she resumed her frantic rushing around the room, fetching them both cloaks and handing one off to Lena. “Yes, married. They are going to fight me on this, every step of the way, and I am tired of waiting. Let us go to Kandor, now, and have Thara wed us; there will be nothing they can do if we have said the vows in the sight of the Gods.”

 

            “Thara did not agree in the council meeting,” Lena reminded her, and Kara let out a weary sigh.

 

            “No, she did not, but she wasn’t very vocal in her opposition. If I can convince her it is Rao’s will, then she will bear witness to us. Are you to do this with me? I would not be opposed to waiting if it is a big celebration you want, but-“

 

            Lena cut her off with a hard kiss, her fingers knotting in Kara’s hair. “I do not care for grand celebrations, I care only for tying myself to you, and making you my wife. It may incite rebellion and treason, you know this, but if you are sure, let us go, now.” Letting out a relieved laugh, Kara draped a cloak around Lena’s shoulders and fastened it at the front, before donning her own. She buckled on her sword for good measure and walked over to the window, throwing it wide open and holding a hand out for Lena. “The window?”

 

            “Winn is on guard tonight,” Kara reminded her, “he is one of my closest friends, but even his duties will not allow me to sneak out of the castle without a guard. It is best if we are not seen.”

 

            Kara went first, expertly scaling the side of the castle, until she had both feet firmly planted on the cobblestoned courtyard, and stared up as she watched Lena fearlessly climb down after her, careless as to the long drop to the stone ground beneath her. As soon as they were both on the ground, Kara sent Lena to the stable to ask for her horse to be saddled, knowing that it would be less alarming than the queen asking, and soon enough they were both slipping through the raised portcullis of the servant exit, and down the lowered drawbridge, listening to the clanking of the portcullis being lowered again behind them. Kara had been sure to keep her hood raised and her face in the shadows, and soon enough they were galloping over the long stretch between the castle and the city.

 

            It didn’t take too long to reach the outskirts of the city, which was buzzing with the quiet noise of alehouses and taverns, and people playing games on street corners, and those doing some late night work. They didn’t waste time as they made for the tower that stretched up towards the sky, and both of them felt nervously excited as the moment drew nearer. As soon as Lena reined in her horse, Kara swung down and tied the bridle to the nearest hitching post, before helping Lena down and twining their fingers together. Making sure their faces were hidden, they ran across the courtyard and up the couple of steps leading into the inner courtyard of the temple.

 

            Kara banged on a wooden door until an acolyte answered, their face hidden behind an expressionless copper mask, but their voice betraying their irritation. It didn’t take long for the acolyte to be convinced to fetch the High Priestess, and Kara was glad that being the queen afforded her some liberties. She returned to Lena’s side at the edge of the still pool of water, and she gave her a wide smile, her face ghostly pale as the moon washed over her.

 

            “Your Majesty?” Thara hesitantly asked from behind them, and the two girls spun around.

 

            “High Priestess,” Kara said, taking Lena’s hand in her own as they faced her, their hoods lowered so that she could see their faces. “I need your unwavering loyalty. I need you to obey me as you queen, and as the divine representative of the gods. Will you do as I ask?” Hesitating, Thara nodded, and Kara drew her dagger, handing it over. “I would have your vow in a blood oath that you will obey me and keep what happens here tonight a secret until I say so otherwise.”

 

            She watched as Thara slid the sharp edge of the knife along her palm, drawing a thin line of blood, and promising to do as Kara commanded, and then she returned the dagger to Kara, who accepted it with a sigh of relief. “What matter is it that brings you here?”

 

            “I need you to wed us. Now,” Kara commanded her, and Thara was silent for a few moments, before she inclined her head, even though her shoulders were tense beneath her robe. She turned and walked back into the tower, leaving the two girls stood outside as they patiently waited for her. They didn’t have to wait long, and she returned with a rolled up piece of red string.

 

            “You must remove your boots, and step into the pool so that you are beneath the branches of Rao’s tree,” Thara quietly instructed them, and the two girls were quick to obey. The water wasn’t deep, but they were wet up to their shins as they stood face to face, holding hands beneath the red and orange leaves of the massive tree, everything painted shades of grey in the moonlight. The High Priestess tied their hands together with the long piece of string, murmuring an old prayer as she did it, and then she looked them both in the eyes for a few moments. “You know the marriage vows?” Both girls nodded, before their eyes returned to each others. “Then say them now.”

 

“You cannot possess me, for I belong to myself

But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give

You cannon command me, for I am a free person

But I shall serve you in those ways you require

I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night and

the eyes into which I smile in the morning

I pledge to you the first bite of my meat and the first drink from my cup

I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care

I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine

I shall not slander you, nor you me

I shall honor you above all others, and when we quarrel we shall do so in

private and tell no strangers our grievances

This is my wedding vow to you

This is the marriage of equals.”

 

            They repeated the words in unison, a matching smile on both of their faces as they spoke them to each other, and after they finished, Thara bent down and scooped up some of the sacred water and let some dribble over both of their heads before instructing them to seal their vows with a kiss. Their lips were urgent, yet soft, and they both smiled into it, feeling a happiness they could never have imagined fill them both. As Kara pulled back, she gave Lena a teary laugh, and saw wet lines on her face, unsure if it was the blessed water or tears.

 

            “Then in the sight of the Gods and men, you are wed, and are bound to each other by a sacred vow,” Thara declared. “Now you must, ah, consummate it. I do not think I need to instruct you in that.”

 

            The two girls quietly laughed and then the three of them waded through the water and climbed out of the pool. Thanking Thara profusely as they slipped their boots on, they wished her a goodnight and were soon riding back towards the castle, feeling like they were about to burst with happiness.

 

            “I love you, my wife,” Kara whispered in Lena’s ear, and she could feel a laugh shake Lena’s shoulders at the word.

 

            “Ha! Wife," Lena said, a smile in her voice as she urged her horse onwards to the looming shape of the dark sprawling castle. "And I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The vows are old Celtic ones in case anyone was wondering


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it begins (kind of)

            Almost a week passed by in tense uneasiness as Kara tried to keep her new marriage a secret, and navigate the stiff conversations with her council members as they tried to pretend like she hadn’t admitted to being in love with her closest friend and given them an ultimatum about where their loyalties lie. The only one she found it easy to talk to was Winn, who had come to Kara and apologized for his silence, and had promised that he would support her at the next meeting when the topic was raised again. Thara was as polite as ever, but the fact that she had wed the two girls in secret made Kara feel on edge around her, for she could easily commit treason and forsake the blood oath she had sworn, causing an uproar in the council. She didn’t though, much to Kara’s relief, and she was able to go about her duties as if everything was normal. She didn’t flaunt her relationship with Lena about, but even to touch her hand in public was a newfound source of joy and comfort that she afforded herself. Still, it left for an uncomfortable mood within the castle, and Kara fought hard to not let it affect her happiness.

 

            She was married.

 

            The only person she had told was Alex, who had groaned at Kara’s elopement, but had admitted that she was happy for her sister and agreed that it was probably the best way to dispel the protests against Kara marrying Lena. There was nothing the council could do now, for they had said their vows beneath Rao’s tree, in the sights of the Gods and men, and the words were binding. Still, Alex made Kara promise to wear a sword wherever she went, distrusting of everyone and anything within the castle walls, for it would be easy to do away with an unruly monarch that would cause too many problems for the kingdom. It had been done before, to Kara’s parents, and she couldn’t help but think that perhaps she had been wrong to behave so rashly. Yet every night when she took Lena into her arms, she knew that she had been right to do so, for how could it be wrong to wed the person you loved?

 

            The next council meeting was to be the following day, and Kara was nervous as she thought about what everyone would say tomorrow. If they were not in agreement with her, then they would be going against her word, and it would be considered treason. The thought of some of her most trusted advisors, and even her own blood, turning against her made Kara feel slightly sick. She had barely spoken to Astra outside of the meeting, and only then on official business, and she was scared that her aunt wouldn’t see her way of thinking. She didn’t want to think about what would happen if tomorrow she stubbornly refused to follow Kara’s orders again, in front of everyone. Kara had to stay strong and follow the laws that were laid down by her ancestors, but the thought of beheading her aunt for treason wasn’t one that Kara didn’t want to think about.

 

            As Kara and Lena sat in the antechamber of the bathing rooms though, they ran into Astra, and it seemed like Kara was going to have the discussion with her a day earlier than anticipated. “Aunt,” Kara stiffly acknowledged her, clutching her sword in her lap while she let Lena rub her hair dry with a towel.

 

            “Your Majesty,” Astra replied, giving her a respectful bow, even though the tenseness of her tone betrayed her disapproval. “I would ask to speak with you, if I may. In private.”

 

            “Why don’t you go back to our rooms, my love,” Kara told Lena, giving her a small smile, “I shall meet you there once I am finished here.”

 

            Lena hesitated for a moment, before she gave Kara a loving smile, giving her shoulder an affectionate squeeze as she stood up and brushed past Astra. There was still a few people walking in and out of the various bathing rooms though, so Kara climbed to her feet, jerking her head for Astra to follow her as they made their way over to Kara’s private pool for some privacy. Once the door was shut behind them, Kara rounded on her aunt and looked at her expectantly.

 

            “Little one, I know you do not want to hear it-“

 

            “If you are here to change my mind about Lena, then you will not be able to and should save your breath and your words,” Kara cut her off.

 

            With a frustrated sigh, Astra ran her fingers through her hair, the streak of white a stark contrast to the dark locks. “You are putting yourself in danger,” she snapped, “do you think that it will be accepted purely because you say it should? You are obeyed because you are queen, and you are doing well at it by listening to your advisors. I urge you to listen to us now, or you will find yourself deposed. The kingdom depends on a strong ruler with a stable line of succession, otherwise other kingdoms may think us weak. They may seek to topple you, as Daxam did when you rejected their prince. We cannot risk a war so soon after the last, and while I supported you in that, for I was opposed to your betrothal to Mon-El from the beginning, if it comes to another war that you could have stopped, you will find yourself lacking an army. Your subjects are loyal to you _only_ while you are loyal to them, and can offer them safety and comfort.”

 

            “So my options are to betray my heart and my love, or lose my throne?” Kara bluntly asked.

 

            “You cannot have both, my niece, for it will put you in danger.”

 

            “Then I will abdicate,” Kara immediately said, with no trace of doubt in her voice. If it came down to it, she would pick Lena over her crown every time. She would put her duty and her kingdom first in every respect except this; to give up Lena was not an option. “I shall do it as soon as my heir is born, and you may reclaim the title of regent and raise my cousin's child as you see fit for the next ruler of Krypton.”

 

            Astra’s face hardened into stone cold anger as she looked at Kara, her blue eyes sharp. “Don't be so foolish. You will _not_ abdicate for the love you bear that  _woman_. I will not allow it, I have worked too hard for this and you cannot throw it away for _love_.”

 

            “You threw your life away, all for the love of a soldier!” Kara protested.

 

            “And if you were only a normal noble lady, I would urge you to follow your heart, for I know that it is hard to give up one whom you love. You are not though, you are the _queen_ , and you will set her aside and do your duty. If not for your kingdom’s sake, then for you parents, who wanted you to have a stable line.”

 

            Kara spluttered at Astra’s words, “they wanted me to marry a brutish man who was our _enemy,_ as if I was a brood mare to be sold off to better profit the kingdom. I should hardly think I would do it for their sake when they all but promised _my_ kingdom to another crown. I will _not_ set her aside, I _cannot_.”

 

            “You _can_ , and you _will_ ,” Astra barked at her, and Kara hesitated for a moment before she raised her chin.

 

            “No, you are mistaken, aunt. I _cannot_. We are already wed.”

 

            “No,” Astra breathlessly exclaimed, “tell me you jest, tell me you are not that _foolish._ You have doomed yourself _and_ her for this if you speak truly. Gods, they shall lock you up and never let you out again if it becomes known. What have you _done_.” She was shouting by the end of it, and Kara stubbornly stood there in silence. “You will recant your vows, right now. Renounce her as your wife and do your duty niece. Do it _now.”_

 

            “I will not,” Kara said again. “We have said our vows in the sights of Gods and men, and the words are binding. She is my wife. It is done.” Without another word, she strode past her aunt and out of the room, her heart pounding as she walked through the bathing rooms and made her way back up to her chambers. A small prick of fear grew in Kara’s heart, and she couldn’t help but think that something bad was going to happen, she couldn’t help but think that Astra’s words rang true, and that no one would stand for what she had done. She would need to make sure that Lena was safely guarded at all times when they were not together.

 

\---

 

            “Should Lord Schott not be here?” the High Priestess asked, looking at the other three faces of the council members.

 

            “I do not trust him to put the kingdom before his friendship with my niece,” Astra said, “he is too loyal, and would not put the kingdom first.”

 

            “He did not speak out at the last meeting,” Thara said, and Cat let out a snort.

 

            “Forgive me, High Priestess, but it was purely due to my own intimidation that he did not agree to carry out her orders,” Cat said, swirling her wine around in her glass as she rolled her eyes.

 

            Astra turned her eyes to Lillian, whose face was a mask of stone as her green eyes stared hardly back as she waited for Astra to tell them why she had called them all together. “There is something I must tell you, which may help make up your mind. I am afraid they have eloped,” Astra said, “if my niece speaks truly, which I believe she does for she has never been one to spin a lie, then she and your daughter have spoken the marriage vows in secrecy.”

 

            “What!?” Lillian exploded, her expressionless mask cracking as she gaped at Astra with wide eyes. “No. My daughter would _not_ be so foolish as to do this. You are mistaken. In any case, they would need a priest or priestess to oversee the vows, and none would be foolish enough to marry the _queen_ of Krypton in secret, not without us hearing about it.”

 

            “She speaks truly,” Thara said, “I was there. I oversaw the ceremony, and I wed them as my queen bid me to do. I was sworn to secrecy beforehand with a blood oath.”

 

 _“You!”_ Astra snarled, whirling around to face the High Priestess. She grabbed her by the front of her robe, pulling her close. “You have doomed her. You have brought ruin down upon her house, and she will never forgive us for what we must do.”

 

            Letting go of the slight woman, Astra watched her stumble backwards, fixing the robe as she stood proudly before the other three women. “It was the Gods wi-“

 

            Her words were cut off as Astra lashed out with her dagger, slitting her throat open and watching as the High Priestess collapsed to her knees, choking on her own blood. Lillian let out an exasperated sigh, eyeing the spreading pool of blood with distaste, while Cat inched backwards from it to keep her skirts clean. “Now there is no witness to validate their marriage,” Astra said, giving both women a hard look. “We shall take my niece into custody, and we will fix this problem ourselves.”

 

            “And what are we to do about the kingdom in the meantime?” Cat asked, arching an eyebrow at Astra.

 

            “I shall say she is sick, and that I have been named regent until she recovers,” Astra declared, with both women nodding in agreement. “We will find her a suitable husband and have her wed in secret, and when she produces and heir, she may take to her throne once more, but under our counsel.”

 

            “Then we are in agreement,” Lillian said, and Cat murmured her assent.

 

\---

 

            The sun was on a downwards trajectory, painting the horizon a soft orange as the sun got ready to disappear from view. Kara was stood before the window in her room, brooding over Astra’s words as she watched the sky change colours. A pair of arms wound around her waist, and a warm kiss was placed to her neck.

 

            “You are thinking too hard, wife,” Lena murmured against her neck, and Kara let out a quiet laugh, twisting around in her embrace.

 

            “Just matters of the kingdom,” Kara assured her, brushing her hair back and giving Lena a soft kiss. “Nothing to trouble yourself with.”

 

            Lena gave her a grim smile, “matters of _us_ in relation to your kingdom, and I am your wife now, it _does_ trouble me.”

 

            “Well it doesn’t trouble me,” Kara said with a smile, her voice too tense for her words to be true. “I would focus on other things, like how much I love you, and how glad I am to have you by my side. You make me happy, Lena. I would not let anyone’s opinion change that, for my heart is set.”

 

            Leaning in to kiss her, Lena took Kara’s hands in her own and pulled back, bringing Kara with her as she led her away from the window. “Come. It is too nice an afternoon to be cooped up inside, and the sky is beautiful. Let us go for a walk.”

 

            Kara agreed without protest, belting on her sword and whistling for Streaky to follow them out. Dismissing James, Kara looped her arm through Lena’s and led her through the castle, laughing and talking quietly as they passed by servants and soldiers, earning sideward glances from them at the closeness of the two girls.

 

            The warm wind caressed their cheeks as they walked outside, and they both smiled as they turned their gaze to the pink and orange sky above the top of the godswood. The trees were in full bloom with flowers, fruits and brightly coloured leaves, and they seemed to whisper to each other as the wind blew through the branches. They set off across the shortly cut lawn, enjoying each others company as the light faded and they glanced at a few others strolling along outside too. Kara pulled Lena along at a slow, leisurely pace, heading towards the godswood and stepping over twigs and leaves as they made their way deeper into the trees.

 

            “Do not look around,” Kara quietly murmured as Lena jerked her head around at the sound of a twig snapping off to the left. She looked up at Kara, a questioning look in her eyes, and furrowed her brow as she took in the wry smile on Kara's face. “There are more people strolling through the godswood than usual, wouldn’t you say?”

 

            “Kara,” Lena breathlessly whispered, her eyes wide with panic as another twig snapped off to their right.

 

            “Hush, it’s alright,” Kara assured her, “just keep walking slowly.” Her hand tightened on the hilt of her sword though, her knuckles turning white as her eyes darted side to side.

 

            They carried on walking at a leisurely pace, and Kara could feel her heart pounding in her chest as she led them deeper into the trees. The last patches of blue sky were barely visible as they broke out into a small clearing in the woods, coming to a stop as they saw Astra stood in the middle of it. Kara gave her a slow knowing smile, stepping in front of Lena, but keeping their fingers laced together. “Aunt. I hope your prayers have been heard.”

 

            “I hope so too,” Astra replied, staring coolly at the two girls. “I would ask you again to reconsider, niece.”

 

            Aware of others materializing out of the shadows of tree trunks, before and behind them, Kara clenched her teeth as a feeling of bitter sadness welled up within her. “My mind is set,” Kara told her, feeling Lena shift behind her as her grip on Kara’s hand tightened. They were surrounded, and Kara counted the number of swords surrounding them. “So it is to be a coup then, is it?”

 

            “I have given up too much to put you on the throne, and I will not let you falter now,” Astra told her, “I wish it did not have to be this way, but I must ensure that the kingdom comes first. I ask you one last time, set her aside. Your witness has been killed; there is no one to validate your marriage. No one but the Gods, and they will not intervene in this matter. Recant your vows, _now._ ”

 

 _“No,”_ Kara snarled, drawing her sword as she saw hands land on hilts and knuckles whiten as they gripped them tightly. Turning slowly, she counted the number of people surrounding them, trying to memorise as many faces as possible. They would all die for this treason, and Kara would cut them down where they stood before she let them tear her away from Lena. A stab of fear shot through her at what they would do to Lena if they got their hands on her. They would want Kara alive, as the rightful ruler, but Lena was just an inconvenient bastard in their eyes, and Kara was filled with dread. “You have ruled my kingdom well, aunt, and for that I am grateful. As a token of my gratitude, I will give you this one last chance to stop this madness before it is open treason.”

 

            “You can stop it if you will set your wife aside. Otherwise, it is too late. Lay down your weapon now, and let me fix this mess. I do not want to see you hurt, niece, and I would uphold the vow I made to your mother as she died. I have always done what I have thought best for you. I have loved you as my own daughter, and I do not want to topple another queen.”

 

            Kara’s face blanched at her words, and her tongue felt thick in her mouth as she looked at Astra with shock. _“Another?_  Wha- _you_ killed my parents? Your own  _sister?_ _"_

 

            Astra winced, realizing what she had said, and her face hardened as she let out a forceful sigh. “I loved my sister, and I never wanted her to die, but she and your father were poor rulers. They were too proud, too _noble_ , and they were too lavish and greedy, spending more time on feasts and tournaments than on matters of the kingdom. Your mother sent me away for opposing her, but I returned when she accepted a marriage proposal for you, to _Daxam._ That was the last straw. I didn’t mean for them to die so brutally, but your uncle … he was always so hotheaded and hard to control. I feared his men would kill you that night, so I spirited you away to the temple. _I_ put you on the throne, _I_ led your kingdom well in your name. Everything _I_ did, I did it for _you_ , so that you could take over a prospering kingdom when you took your throne. I cannot let you throw away decades of hard work over some bastard.”

 

            As Astra spoke, Kara’s eyes burned with unshed tears, and she slowly backed away from her, pushing Lena back with her while she watched as everyone drew their swords. Reaching the edge of the clearing, Kara threateningly pointed her sword at the closest person, realizing that it was Maxwell Lord. Keeping her eyes trained on him, Kara turned her head slightly.

 

            “Lena, I need you to return to the castle,” Kara quietly told her, her voice shaking slightly. “Quickly now, my love.”

 

            “I won’t leave you,” Lena fiercely whispered, clinging tightly to Kara’s hand.

 

            “You must,” Kara firmly told her, drawing her dagger out of her belt and slipping it into Lena's trembling hand, “you must fetch Alex. Go now.” Hesitating for a second, Lena bit back a sob, before she turned and fled, running off through the forest as fast as she could.

 

            Astra took a step forward, drawing her own sword, and her eyes burned with anger. “After her. I will have her head, and I will see balance restored and be done with this foolishness.”

 

            Lord took a step forward, and Kara didn’t hesitate as she stabbed him in the stomach, kicking him back as she yanked her sword out and watched him fall to his knees. She hacked at his neck, burying the sword deep into the side of it, killing him instantly, and whirled around on the next traitor.

 

            “Do not hurt the queen!” Astra’s panicked shout rang out as the others drifted closer, hesitant to fight their queen. “I need her alive.”

 

            There were a dozen of them though, and only one of Kara, and she fought furiously against them, pushing them back and weathering hard punches and stinging slashes that barely broke the skin, as she tried to take them all on at once and stamp out the coup. By the time that Alex burst into the clearing with Lena and Maggie in tow, the ground was littered with half a dozen bodies, and she was sweating and breathing heavily as she kept the others at bay. Alex threw herself into the fight, with Maggie close behind, and Lena was at Kara’s side in an instant, dagger in hand. The four of them fought back against the attackers, with Kara trying to stand in front of Lena to keep her safe.

 

            As Kara dispensed with a short woman, she whirled around watching as Lena caught the edge of a sword on her dagger, but didn’t see the fist coming. The heavy mailed fist caught her on the temple and she stumbled backwards, too stunned to see the sword coming. Kara stepped forward to push her aside, and let out a gasp of pain as the point of the sword bit into her stomach. Lena had collapsed to the floor unconscious, and Kara managed to get her sword up and slash the mans throat as he pulled his sword out. Breathing heavily, and pressing a hand against her stomach to stem the flow of blood, Kara staggered over to the nearest traitor still fighting, stabbing the man through the back and then falling to her knees.

 

            Dropping her sword to the ground, Kara turned to look at Lena, where she lay in the dirt, looking ghostly pale in the encroaching darkness beneath the canopy of the trees. Grabbing fistfuls of leaves and mud, Kara dragged herself to Lena on her stomach, one hand slick with blood as she kept it pressed to her stomach, whimpering in pain as she let out quiet sobs. “No, no, no, Lena,” Kara cried, reaching out to shake her as she reached her side. Reaching out, she clumsily ran her thumb along Lena’s cheekbone, leaving a smudge of dirt in its wake. “Wake up, my love, please. You're okay, wake up, you must run.”

 

\---

 

            “Kara!”

 

            Her eyes flew open at Alex’s voice, and her breathing was ragged as she gasped for air, staring up at the branches of the towering trees. Only a few minutes had passed since she’d dropped into unconsciousness, and she could feel Lena beneath her, breathing evenly but still knocked out. Gentle hands rolled her off the top of Lena, and Kara’s hand fell away from her blood-soaked stomach as she groaned in pain. Alex swore as she pressed her hands to her sister’s stomach, letting out panicked sobs as she stared down at the pooling blood.

 

            “Maggie! Maggie, leave her! I need you to fetch help. Go to the castle, quickly. Fetch my mother and some healers,” Alex shakily ordered her, and Maggie ran off as fast as she could, quietly passing through the woods like a wraith. “Kara. Sister, listen to me, you must stay awake. Help is coming.”

 

            “Alex,” Kara gasped, her voice a gentle sigh as her eyes flickered from side to side, tears leaking out of the corners as she felt pain flood her body. “Help her, sister. Make sure she’s alright.”

 

            Alex choked back a sob, “she is fine, sister. She’s … resting is all. Do not trouble yourself.”

 

            “Astra,” Kara mumbled, her thoughts going to her aunt. The last time she’d seen her she’d been standing with her sword in hand, watching as her niece took on a dozen of her co-conspirators.

 

            The hesitant look on her sister’s face felt like a punch to Kara’s stomach. “Sh-she’s dying, sister,” Alex said, “J’onn is with her.”

 

            “J’onn?” Kara asked, her brow wrinkling in confusion. “I must speak with her.”

 

            “You need to stay still until mother comes,” Alex protested, but Kara was already struggling to push herself up, biting her bloody lips as she tried to hold back cries of pain. A spasm of irritation flashed across Alex’s face, but she quickly helped lift Kara to her feet, taking all of her weight as she led her over to where Astra lay.

 

            Kara fell to her knees beside her, reaching out to touch her aunt’s deathly pale face. “She needs a healer,” Kara told Alex, tears spilling over onto her cheeks as she looked down at her aunt, who was looking up at her with a sad intensity.

 

            “No,” Astra firmly replied, her voice strained with the effort. “I have committed treason, let me die in battle instead of by your hand.”

 

            “You won’t die,” Kara told her, even though her eyes darted to the wound in the middle of her stomach – it was in a deadlier position than Kara’s own wound, which was just off to the side, missing any vital organs. Her aunt hadn’t been so lucky.

 

            “Forgive me, little one,” Astra begged, reaching up to cup Kara’s cheek. “I-I have betrayed you, and for that I am sorry. I have always tried to do right by you, a-and I have failed in my duties. I ask that you forgive me, s-so I may pass into Rao’s halls absolved of my crimes.”

 

            Kara let out a sob, pressing her bloody hand against the gaping hole in Astra’s stomach. “I-I forgive you, aunt. You are my blood, and for that you shall always have my love. Please, do not leave me,” Kara begged.

 

            “A queen must not beg,” Astra told her, giving her niece a wide smile, her teeth stained red with her blood. “Be a good one, Kara. Prove me wrong.”

 

            A lump formed in Kara’s throat, and so she just nodded her head, choking on her sobs as her vision tunneled and darkness crept into her mind, threatening to drag her under. The last thing she heard before she fell back into unconsciousness was her aunt’s voice.

 

            “May Rao watch over you, little one.”


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is somewhat angstier? (maybe)

           She let out a small groan as her eyelids fluttered open, wincing as pain lanced through her stomach. The overwhelming pain of it made her feel dizzy and sick, and through it all, all she could think was that she’d been betrayed. Her own aunt had _killed_ her parents, had set up a coup to take control of _her_ kingdom. And Lena; she had tried to take Lena from her. Her eyes prickled with tears, and her head lolled to the side, taking in the figure sat at the end of the bed. Kara let out a sob of relief at the sighed of Lena, looking fine in the dim light of the room, except for a huge purple bruise covering the side of her face. “Lena,” Kara rasped, holding out a leaden hand, which fell uselessly to the fur blankets when Lena didn’t inch closer to take it.

 

           “Your mother closed the wound in your stomach and gave you some herbs for the pain. You should rest some more,” Lena murmured, her voice shaking as she spoke. Even in the dark, with her slightly fuzzy thoughts, Kara could see that she was extremely pale and her eyes were puffy and red.

 

           “Come here,” Kara said, her voice barely more than a sigh as she thumped the space beside her with a clumsy hand. She wasn’t in control of her body, and she didn’t think she could move if she tried, but she just wanted to feel Lena next to her, to let herself be held as she waited for the herbs to lull her back into sleep. Lena didn’t move though.

 

           Kara frowned at her, trying to push herself up, and Lena rose slightly to reach forward and gently, but firmly, push her back down. “Do not move.”

 

           “Well come here then,” Kara laughed, looking at Lena in confusion. She didn’t understand why Lena wouldn’t come to her; she wasn’t _that_ injured.

 

           “I cannot,” Lena muttered, “I must go.”

 

           Her mind foggy with all the herbs she’d been given, Kara didn’t understand at first, and she let out a dozy laugh, wincing as it sent another round of pain through her body. “Go? Where are you off to at this late hour?”

 

           Lena sat there in silence, staring intently at Kara, her eyes swimming with tears as they travelled every inch of her face, trying to memorise it completely. And then she rose and moved closer, kissing Kara on the forehead, and the bright smile she got in return was heartbreaking. She backed away from the bed again, her face crumpling as she stared down at Kara. “I am returning to Thorul,” Lena said.

 

           “Thorul?” Kara echoed, unsure if she was hearing her properly or if her mind was playing tricks on her.

 

           “I cannot stay, Kara,” Lena whispered, her voice trembling as tears spilled down her cheeks. “I must go away, so that they will not hurt you anymore. We’ve been here too many times before, and I can’t protect you from those who would seek to hurt you.”

 

           As Lena’s words found meaning in Kara’s mind, she felt the air rush out of her lungs, and her eyes flew wide open. All the fuzziness was chased away by the alarm that shot through Kara. “No,” she sharply said, “I don’t _need_ you to protect me. You are my wife, and your place is by my side.”

 

           Lena hesitated for a second, “maybe we were wrong.”

 

 _"What?!”_ Kara rasped, choking on the word. Marrying Lena could never have been wrong, it was the rightest thing Kara had ever done. Lena was just scared about what had happened, and she was being rash in her fear. “Do not say such things.”

 

           “I-I cannot stay, Kara. To stay is to paint a permanent target on your back, and they will use me to strike at you. I must- I must push away your heart and save your life. You will be thankful for it one day. You said that the gods have a plan … you need to trust that they are leading us t-to what is right.”

 

           Kara let out a breathless sob, her eyes welling up with tears. “Why are you doing this? Y-you _know_ that it is not right if we are parted. We have fought so hard for us, do not throw that away so easily, for I would rather have died in those woods than have you leave me now. Y-you will not be saving my life, you will be dooming me to a life of misery, and I will not thank you for that. I _cannot_ live without you.”

 

           “Nevertheless, you must, and I must go,” Lena said, letting out a shuddering breath as she stared down at her hands. “I-I cannot … claim you as my wife. I cannot love you anymore.”

 

           “But you _are_ my wife. We have said the vows, my love, we cannot be so easily parted. It doesn’t matter if-if my aunt killed the High Priestess, our vows are still binding.”

 

           “The vows are not binding if spoken under a bout if lunacy, and I fear that we have been mad to think that we could’ve been together. It was nothing more than a dream – and it was the most beautiful dream while it lasted – and now we must let go of it. We got caught up in that dream, and it ended the moment you announced it to your council.”

 

           “You cannot have had a change of heart so quickly,” Kara protested, wiping at her eyes.

 

           “It is not my heart that has been changed, b-but my mind, and I ask that you not try to change my mind,” Lena softly said, “I have no choice, and it is already made up. I-I renounce you as my-“

 

           Kara struggled to push the blankets back, feeling weak as she tried to sit up. “Do _not_ speak another word.”

 

           “Wife, i-in the sight of Gods and men,” Lena continued, trying to hold back her sobs as she spoke. She looked away as she spoke the words that would unbind herself from Kara, not meeting Kara’s horrified face as she did so. She was too ashamed to look at her, to see the tears in her eyes as Lena broke her heart. Kara was openly crying by that point, sobbing as she weakly pushed herself up into a sitting position and tried to swing her legs over the side of the bed.

 

           “Well then stay as my mistress,” Kara desperately begged, “you said you would, once, and I disagreed, but I will take you as my mistress if it means you will stay.”

 

           “W-we both know it is too late for that now, my love. I will take my leave now, Your Majesty,” Lena said, raising her chin as she set her shoulders and climbed to her feet. “I wish you all the love and happiness in the world; if not from me, then from someone else. Move on, for me, please.”

 

           She turned and made for the door, and Kara called out after her. “I _command_ you to stop. I command you as your _queen_.”

 

           Lena hesitated, turning around, and Kara almost thought that they would make it, but then Lena gave her a sad smile, and it was like a goodbye. “You said you would never command me.”

 

           Without another word, she pulled open the doors and slipped outside, leaving Kara to scramble out of bed, crying out in pain as agony ripped through her stomach. She clutched at her bandaged stomach, stumbling over to the door as she tried to chase after Lena. She couldn’t let her go. A sheen of sweat covered Kara’s brow with the effort, and as she made it into the hallway, she sagged as a feeling of weakness swept over her, her vision darkening. She collapsed to her knees, letting out a wordless cry, and she heard hurried footsteps and warm hands gently lift her to her feet.

 

           “Come on, sister,” Alex gently said, and Kara felt another pair of hands help support her as she was led back into her room. She couldn’t even think, she just sobbed unintelligible things as she cried out for Lena, feeling as if her whole body was on fire.

 

\---

 

           She was unconscious for three days as a fever ripped through her, sweating profusely and restlessly writhing around beneath the blankets as they twisted around her body. She switched between violently shivering and burning with a fever so hot that she couldn’t even stand to be touched without whimpering in pain. Alex and Eliza stayed with her the entire time, bathing her brow with cold water and trickling herbal remedies and a clear broth down her throat as they tried to stave off the fever. Kara didn’t remember anything during those three days, but some part of her was comforted by soft voices murmuring to her whenever she would cry out or scream. The cut on her stomach was hot and inflamed, and it wasn’t until three days later that the red lines of blood poisoning creeping outwards from it started to recede, and the swelling went down.

 

           It had everyone panicked, fearing that the worst would happen, but Kara’s body fought against it, and a few days later, she awoke with a start. She felt hot all over, and felt like her head was being hammered at as she lay in bed, covered in layers and layers of blankets to try and break the fever. She pushed them all off with a groan, a feeling of relief flooding her at the coolness that caressed her bare skin.

 

           “Sister,” Kara croaked, her eyes wandering around as she tried to find Alex.

 

           “I’m here, Kara,” she murmured nearby, and Kara turned her head to look at her. She looked exhausted, like she hadn’t slept in days, which she hadn’t, and Kara took in the pained lines of her face and dark circles beneath her eyes. “You’re okay, sister. Here, drink this.”

 

           She pushed a wooden cup into Kara’s hand, helping to prop her head up and dribble the herbal remedy into her mouth. Kara screwed her face up at the bitter taste, but she slowly drained the cup, coughing and spluttering as it went down. Alex drew it back once she was finished, and pressed the back of her hands to Kara’s forehead, feeling her temperature. Then she pushed Kara back down against the pillows and peeled back the bandages and the poultice of ground herbs, inspecting the wound, and looking satisfied at its healing. With a relieved sigh, Alex gave her a grim smile.

 

           “You will be fine.”

 

           “No, I shan’t,” Kara mumbled, her voice breaking, and then she was crying, and she couldn’t stop herself. Her mind was sharp this time, instead of the muddled confusion the last time she had been conscious, and she remembered everything. Alex moved closer and soothingly stroked Kara’s hair while she murmured quiet reassurances to her and held her close. She felt like she cried forever, and her heart was completely broken as she cried over Lena, and then over Astra and her parents. She didn’t think she could stop. “Alex, you have to go after her. You have to bring her back to me,” Kara sobbed, her voice cracking as she spoke.

 

           “I-I’m sorry, sister,” Alex said, “but I cannot bring her back. I would have her stay and be by your side, but as much as it pains me to say it, she was right to let you go. This … it was a _real_ threat, Kara, and it was because you wed her. You have almost _died_ for her, and if she stays, you will put yourself at the mercy of your enemies every _single_ time. I like her, I really do, but I cannot do what you ask of me. You must let her go, sister.”

 

           Kara made a sound of protest, trying to push herself up as she looked accusingly at Alex. “I would sooner cut out my heart than let her go. You think that after everything, after _every_ chance I had to set her aside, I would even be able to do it? Just because she has left, it does _not_ change anything.”

 

           “It does,” Alex said, giving her a pitying look. “And I am sorry to say it, but think, Kara. Think about what just happened, and think about how she feels. She loves you more than anything, and you know that this will tear her apart too, but she has _still_ done it to keep you safe. That in itself is the most selfless thing she could ever have done for you, and it speaks to her love for you, and what she is willing to do for you. She … she has left of her own volition, and you have always made it _her_ choice. You have never pressed her to do something she didn’t want to in order to be with you, and you must not go back on that choice now. Perhaps it would’ve been easier if you had acted as her queen first and foremost, but you did not, and you know that you cannot command her. You love her, and for that, you must let her make her own decision. Forgive me, sister.”

 

           “There is nothing to forgive,” Kara choked out, laying back against the pillows as she stared up at the ceiling, blinking back tears and swallowing the lump in her throat. “This was not your doing.”

 

           Alex was silent for a moment, drawing in a shuddering breath as she inched closer to Kara and gave her a sad smile. “You are wrong, for you do not know how I have betrayed you. Your aunt-”

 

           “She did this herself, and she has paid the price,” Kara coldly replied, “and I shall never forgive her for trying to take Lena away from me.”

 

           “But you said-“

 

           “I lied to give her some peace of mind during her last moments,” Kara whispered, “but she has torn us apart, and no matter if I love her, she has betrayed me. She betrayed me over and over again, and I didn’t know. Rhea … she knew. She taunted me about this, and I thought her a liar, trying to break my mind and spirit, but she _knew._ It doesn’t matter though … they are _both_ dead now.”

 

           Shifting in her seat, Alex gently cleared her throat. “Sister, I- it was me. I-I killed Astra. She started towards you, and I couldn’t be sure if she meant to harm you … I did not know you had been wounded already. She- well, we fought, and I-I bested her. I am sorry.”

 

           Kara exhaled shakily, feeling numb as she lay there, and then she turned to face Alex, taking her hand in her own and giving it a slight squeeze. “Then you are forgiven, although I do not blame you to begin with. Her treachery ran deep … she killed my parents. She had plotted and schemed behind my back, while telling me that the soldier’s involved had been executed, and all the while, she was the orchestrator of the whole thing. And this time … I do not how deep the treachery runs this time.”

 

           “No one has passed through the castle walls since …” Alex said, trailing off as Kara closed her eyes. “We have put the family’s and servants of those who were in the godswood under guard to be questioned, as well as the rest of your council.”

 

           “Bring them to me,” Kara said, letting out a hiss of pain as she struggled up slightly.

 

           Letting out a quiet, exasperated sigh, Alex grimaced at her sister. “You should rest and regain your strength before you concern yourself with such matters.”

 

           “Lady Luthor then,” Kara said, “just her. I need to speak with her.”

 

           After a moment, Alex nodded and climbed to her feet, walking over to the door and poking her head out to order the guards outside to bring Lillian to Kara’s chambers. She shut the door again and reclaimed her seat beside Kara, fussing with the blankets and checking Kara’s temperature once more, before she was satisfied that Kara was well enough to receive Lillian. As they waited for Lillian to be brought to her, Kara let her thoughts stray, trying not to think about Lena; it hurt too much.

 

           “Why is J’onn here?”

 

           “He had heard a rumour about your aunt’s part in your mother’s death, and he sent a raven to warn you, yet I fear that his letter was intercepted. He rode here anyway, to ensure that you were protected, and he arrived just in time.”

 

           “How did he come by this news?”

 

           Alex shrugged, “he said a soldier from the Fort Rozz garrison went to Z’onn Z’orr to visit family, M’gann overheard talk of your uncle’s part in it, and then she went to Cair to seek out J’onn at Cadmus. He went to Fort Rozz to see if the soldier’s words were true, and heard a similar story amongst some of the older soldiers. Of course, he wasn’t _sure_ , for none of these soldiers were there, but the ones who died the night of your parent’s deaths were ones who left with Non, and never returned. J’onn rode straight here.”

 

           “Remind me to thank him,” Kara muttered, feeling worse for not figuring it out herself. She could’ve easily asked about which soldiers were killed that night, and it wouldn’t have taken much digging to find out they were all stationed at Fort Rozz with Non. If Astra hadn’t reassured her that all of them were dead, and the person responsible, unknown, Kara would’ve pursued it further. She had trusted her aunt when she told her that the threat was not against Kara, and now she had almost died for it, and it had cost her her love.

 

           There was a knock on the door, and Alex rose to go and answer it, dismissing the guards as they led Lillian inside. The older woman looked tried, and her face was all sharp angles as she stared at Kara, giving her a respectable bow.

 

           “Your Majesty,” Lillian said, her voice tense as she eyed Alex, who had her hand on her sword hilt. “I hope you are recovering well.

 

           “Do you?” Kara snorted, wincing slightly as pain shot through her stomach. “I would think that you would prefer me dead.”

 

           Lillian slowly sank to her knees and she lowered her head in deference, “I would not see you dead, Your Majesty. I would see you lead your kingdom well.”

 

           Turning to look at Alex, Kara made a dismissive gesture. “Sister, you may leave us.”

 

           “Kara, you cannot defend yourself,” Alex protested, but fell silent at the sharp look that she received. On her way out she plucked a small knife off the tray of food on the table, as well as Kara’s sword and dagger, just for safe measure. Kara was definite that Lillian wouldn’t harm her.

 

           “You deny any part in this coup then?” Kara asked as soon as the door shut. All she got in reply was silence, as Lillian kept her head bowed. “Tell me, were you there when my aunt slit the throat of a fellow council member? I will not hold you accountable for that, for I know my aunt has always had a temper, and it would have been nigh on impossible to stop her from doing something when her mind is set. Did you know what she was going to do?”

 

           “I did not,” Lillian replied, “she lied to myself and Lady Grant.”

 

           Kara clenched her jaw, feeling weary right down to her core. It was all too much, and it hurt to know the extent of Astra’s betrayal. It wasn’t just to her, but to others as well. “And what did she tell you?”

 

           Lillian hesitated, before she spoke quickly, “she said that you would be taken into custody and made to renounce your vows to my daughter and marry another. She said nothing of violence, and while I accepted the fact that the High Priestess' murder was necessary if your wedding vows were to be undone, I would never have agree if I knew she had planned to _kill_ my daughter.”

 

           Staring at her intently, Kara gave her a stiff nod. She believed her. “You love your daughter. You may not always do so, but you love her, and I agree that you would not agree to have her killed, as my aunt intended. She is all you have left. She has left Kandor, to return to Thorul, and you will join her. You will no longer be my Mistress of the Science Guild and sit on my council, and you will not set foot within these castle walls without my permission. Do you understand?”

 

           Jerking her head up, Lillian gave her a sharp look, her eyebrows drawn low over her eyes as she stared at Kara. “I have admitted to knowing of this coup, and you will let me _live?”_

 

           “I do this as a favour to your daughter, not for you, for she may think she does not care much for you, but it would devastate her to lose her mother. She loves you more than she realizes, and I command you to see that you love her as a mother aught to love her daughter. Do you understand? You will cherish her and shower her with affection, and you will give her the love you have denied her for so long,” Kara ordered in a biting tone.

 

           “You should kill me,” Lillian breathlessly murmured, “that is our way. I have committed treason.”

 

           “You have always put the kingdom first; I have always known that, and that is why I have kept you close for counsel. I have been grateful for your unwavering loyalty to the realm. I have no proof that you committed treason, and for that you shall live,” Kara told her. “Now rise, and get out of my castle.” The last part came out as a snarl, and Lillian quickly climbed to her feet, bowing her head and murmuring her thanks for Kara’s mercy, before she walked to the door and let herself out.

 

           Alex returned a moment later, and Kara let out a breathless sob. A wooden cup was soon being placed in her hand, and Kara drained it, tasting the bitter herbs with some satisfaction, knowing that they would soon drag her into unconsciousness. Drawing the blankets up underneath her chin, Kara rolled over, letting out a cry of pain as the stitches pulled at her wound, and then she cried herself to sleep while Alex soothingly brushed her hair back and spoke quietly to her. The last thing she remembered before everything went dark was Eliza popping her golden head in and a mass of grey fur bounding over to the bed and settling down beside Kara. She clutched at Streaky’s fur as she sobbed into the wolf’s fur, and let the herbs give her the relief she sought.

 

           Her sleep was troubled, her body feeling like it was on fire as she slowly walked through a frostbitten forest, filled with skeletal trees and snowdrifts. It was nighttime, and Kara stumbled through the snow in the dark, watching as everything she touched slowly melted around her. She could hear a voice ahead of her – one that was as familiar to her as her own – yet no matter how much Kara tried to reach Lena, she always stayed just out of reach. No matter how many times Kara called out, Lena never came back to her.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to add the happy ending tag lmao, but it will be happy. I'm not going to drag the angst out either, but it's necessary for the moment, and shouldn't last more than a couple of chapters.

           Weeks passed by, and while Kara’s wound healed to a thin pink scar on her stomach, her heart was as ripped apart as the day Lena had left her. She had cried herself to sleep the first few nights, after her fever had subsided, and after that she had become numb. It was like she was living in a dream, and she went about her business without even being aware of what she was doing half of the time. Over and over again, she just heard a voice in her head; Astra’s voice.

 

_Harden your heart._

_A Queen does not beg._

_Do your duty._

           All of the advice that Astra had given her since returning to the castle repeated themselves in her mind, and Kara listened to it. She took her aunt’s advice, and she pushed all thoughts of Lena to the side, locking her hurt underneath a mask of cold indifference. Very few people within the castle knew what had happened, and Kara was content to keep it that way, lest word get out that her own subjects were turning on her and other kingdoms saw Krypton as weak, as well as their Queen. She pardoned Cat too, citing no proof as well, and she could hear Astra’s voice in her head telling her that it wasn’t their way of doing things. Kara should’ve taken Lillian and Cat’s heads, but there were no witnesses to what had happened in the godswood – they’d already been killed, or Kara had executed them upon her recovery – and Kara couldn’t stomach the thought of more bloodshed. She just wanted it to end. First, she sent James with a small group of soldiers to track down her uncle, and bring him to her to pay for the crime against her parents.

 

           Banishing Cat, as she had done Lillian, Kara’s council was down to just her and Winn, but she didn’t even listen to his advice. Every time she had ignored the counsel of her councilors, and followed her heart, it had led to disaster and death, and this time she would make her own decisions _without_ other people telling her what she should and shouldn’t do. She didn’t trust anyone anymore; no one except her family. She didn’t do much at all, she just shut herself in her room, writing up new laws or agreeing to trade deals and adding her seal and name to them.

 

           The only time she ever left her chambers was for the weekly open courts she held for the common folk to bring their troubles to her, or when she sparred with Alex. Otherwise, she moped around her room, letting dust gather on the collection of books that Lena had left strewn around her room, and sitting by the open window with the embroidered blanket Lena had made her in her lap. Only once had she been to Lena’s chambers since she had left, finding the books and dresses, the jewelry and weapons, and even her horse, Blackberry, left behind. The only things she had taken that Kara had given her were the golden ring of House El, and the scrap of leather that Kara had given her when the war started, and Kara wasn’t sure whether that was a sign of hope, or if it was just wishful thinking on her part.

 

           By the end of the first month, she was a stark contrast to the person she had been in that week she was wed to Lena. That week seemed like a lifetime away, in a different world, and Kara fought back her bitterness at it. She rarely smiled anymore, and laughs were even rarer, and she sat around with a blank expression on her face, as if she wasn’t fully present. Usually she wasn’t; she was off lost in her thoughts, or running over her aunt’s words, and Rhea’s tormenting words, and Lena’s loving words. She sat there, haunted by the three of them and oblivious to almost everything else. Accompanying her heartbreak was the arrival of more nightmares, and she soon stopped sleeping through the night, and she looked pasty and drawn, which was a source of worry for everyone who cared about her.

 

           It was the start of summer when Alex had finally snapped. To see her sister to upset and numb worried her to no end, and no matter how much she had tried, she hadn’t been able to get through to Kara, but now she’d had enough, and so on the first day of summer, she burst into Kara’s chambers unannounced and crossed over to where she sat by the window, basking in the warm summer air as she sat huddled beneath the blanket.

 

           Dragging the blanket off Kara’s lap, Alex balled it up and tossed it aside. “Get up, sister,” she firmly ordered Kara, who blinked in shock. “Get down to the bathing rooms and get dressed. It has been three days since you last left your rooms.”

 

           “I do not want to leave,” Kara mumbled. With a frustrated sigh, Alex yanked a dagger out of her sword belt and slammed it down on the window seat beside Kara, who slowly turned to look at it. “What is that for?”

 

           “If you are going to stay in here and mope around until you die, then save yourself the time and do it now and be done with it so we can all move on,” Alex snapped, and Kara winced as if she’d been struck. Two spots of colour appeared on her cheeks and she picked up the dagger, turning it back over to her sister as she kept her head ducked down in embarrassment. Alex took it back, returning it to its sheath, and laid a gentle hand on Kara’s shoulder as she softly spoke. “I am sorry, sister, but you need to get your kingdom in order. I know you have been working hard from in here, ensuring that farming and trading is going well, and that the law is followed, but it is not enough. You must meet with your lords and ladies and your merchants. You must hold a feast today – Winn and I have been preparing it in your absence, but you _must_ be there. It is time for you to pick a new council also. You are heartbroken, and I am sorry for that, and I know that you are being brave in this, but now you must move on as she bid you.”

 

           “A brave face isn’t bravery,” Kara bitterly muttered, turning to stare back out the window. It was a beautiful day, with a clear blue sky and endless green fields stretching out beyond the castle walls. A perfect day for riding or walking through the gardens. “And I cannot move on, for I am forever missing her.”

 

           Alex sat down beside her, resting her hand on Kara’s knee and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “You do not have to _be_ brave, but put on the appearance of it. Don’t fall apart now, you must be strong.”

 

           “That is easy for you to say,” Kara sharply said, “you are in love, and one of the lucky ones. You have not had your heart cut out of your chest by the one you love most, to be left and abandoned by her when you had thought a happy future for the two of you as wives.”

 

           Giving her a grim look, with pity in her eyes, Alex reached out and gently embraced Kara, holding her close as she felt her sister relax into her touch. She hadn’t let Alex comfort her since she’d broken down after being stabbed, and she had shunned the touch of anyone, yet craved the feeling of a set of arms she knew she couldn’t have. After a few moments, Kara gently pushed Alex away from her, and then climbed to her feet. With some satisfaction, Alex watched as Kara crossed over to her wardrobe and pulled out clean clothes, settling on a red dress for the summer festival.

 

           Without another word, Kara left her chambers, leaving Alex to follow after her as she made for the bathing rooms. She scrubbed herself clean in the hot water, thinking over her sister’s words, and by the time she came out, dressed in her red dress and toweling her golden hair dry, she had decided that Alex was right. “You will be Mistress of the Military Guild,” Kara dully told her. “James will be Master of the Artist’s Guild. Winn may stay, and mother may take up position as High Priestess and be the representative of the Religious Guild.”

 

           Alex nodded, a small smile on her face at being given the position on Kara’s council, as well as the fact that Kara had taken her advice to heart and acted upon it. She hesitated slightly though, a small crease forming between her eyebrows. “And who would you appoint Master or Mistress of the Science Guild?”

 

           Kara didn’t so much as blink as she stared intently at Alex. “Lena.”

 

           “Wha- Kara, you-“

 

           “I will not have her at court,” Kara stonily replied, “but I am still her queen, and she is still brilliantly smart, and so I will appoint her and she _will_ accept. She may send letters with her reports and remain at Thorul, or wherever else she wishes to go.”

 

           “Oh, well, then as you command.”

 

           “Yes, as I command,” Kara muttered, walking off with Alex half a step behind her. “You are right, sister, I have to be strong, and I must harden my heart. I will no longer stand for disobedience or questioning of my authority. I am the Queen, and in my preoccupation with love, I had been soft, but that can no longer be the case.”

 

           Alex made a spluttering sound of protest. “Kara-”

 

           “I know that you will tell me that it is not who I am, and it is true … but it is who I must become. I have pardoned too many people, forgiven too many people, and tried to be as lenient as possible in our ways, but no more. I will not be an unkind ruler, and I shall be merciful and just, but I will no longer be a puppet to be controlled by those who would seek to stab me in the back.”

 

           “Nor should you,” Alex quickly agreed.

 

\---

 

           Kara stiffly sat on her throne throughout the celebrations, taking no joy in the acrobats and jugglers, and internally recoiling at the sound of songs she and Lena had danced to, and the tales that Lena had read aloud to her retold by the storytellers. She drank and endless stream of wine, hoping to numb the pain as best as she could, and all the while, she repeated the same words over and over in her mind.

 

_You are the Queen, and none shall stand against you._

_Your duty is to sit on your throne and rule the people._

_Our way is bravery and courage, and to never give in to defeat._

_Do not falter now._

 

           The words swirled around her mind, and Kara squeezed her eyes tightly shut, trying to keep the voices at bay. They were right, and she hated to listen to her aunt’s words, knowing that she had been right all along. Now Kara would heed her advice, she would right the wrongs she had made, and be the strong queen that she had been raised to be. She would change the laws of the land as she saw fit, and as long as the Gods did not protest, she would do as she pleased. She would follow her heart as she desired, and do her duty in the process.

 

           That meant marrying and providing an heir.

 

           As Kara’s thoughts turned to heirs, she spotted Lois sat off to the side of the throne room, her belly ballooning outwards with her progressing pregnancy, and Kara blinked in surprise. She had received her cousin’s wife a few weeks ago, and had all but forgotten about her since, and a feeling of guilt welled up within Kara as she looked at the red haired woman chatting to Lucy, who was smiling widely as she pressed a hand to her sister’s stomach. She would be due soon, and Kara would have an heir in the case of her not having her own children. A flicker of anger passed through Kara, and she immediately shot to her feet, stalking off through the throne room as everyone bowed or curtsied at her passing.

 

           Winn followed close behind her, and Alex slipped out of the room too, chasing after her sister as she stormed up the staircases and made her way towards her chambers. Taking up a guard position, Winn waited outside the door, while Alex followed Kara inside, watching as her sister rushed over to her desk and started to frantically pull out paper and ink. Carefully dipping a quill into the pot of ink, and fighting back the memory of Lena scaring her so much that she threw ink all over herself, Kara began to hastily write on the paper. Once she was done, she signed her name with a flourish, before she moved onto another piece of paper and continued to write. Once she was done, she poured red wax onto both of them and pressed her ring into it, leaving her seal embedded in it as it dried.

 

           “Sister …” Alex said, waiting for Kara to explain what she was doing.

 

           “This is a new law declaring that any child may be adopted into a family, whether they are blood related or not, and be named a legitimate heir, entitled to all titles and lands and monies affording a member of the family. This is another law, declaring that marriages between two men and two women will be seen as befitting those of noble birth, and will be considered as equal as a marriage between a man and a woman.”

 

           “Kara, I do not think these will bring her back,” Alex softly said, a look of pain crossing her face as she tried to gently bring her sister out of her heartbreak and think rationally before she made a decision.

 

           Giving her a bittersweet smile, Kara nodded, “I know, but I would see those in my position given the rights that I was not afforded. I would not let duty stand in the war for anyone else. Now they may wed and have an heir without having to do it in the name of duty.”

 

           Hesitating, Alex gave her a small smile of reassurance, “then I think it is a brilliant idea.”

 

\---

 

            It was a few weeks later when Kara put her plan into motion.

 

            Over the course of the past few weeks, she had thrown herself back into her duties with more fervor than before, and Alex and Eliza was surprised and slightly alarmed at the new drastic change in Kara. She shut off completely, stamping down any feelings as she tried to pretend that her heart did not yearn for Lena, and she become calculating and logical in everything she did, making decisions with her head instead of her heart.

 

            To her relief, the kingdom was prospering from all of her efforts to ensure things were running smoothly, and the only threat to the safety of the kingdom was her uncle. James had sent reports once he reached Fort Rozz, stating that Non had left the garrison with a few hundred of his own soldiers after learning of Astra’s death, and James had set off in pursuit, trying to track down her uncle and bring him back to her. Other than that, everything was in order, and Kara took some small pleasure in that, if in nothing else.

 

            Still, she further hardened her heart and locked away her feelings for what she had to do next. It was a sunny day, and she had taken to walking through the gardens to clear her mind whenever the voices or nightmares bothered her – which was often – and her pale skin slowly started to tan again, and her golden curls gleamed as they fell down her back. Winn walked slightly behind her, a constant guard, and she had gotten used to his company, and his eagerness to show his unwavering loyalty to his friend. It made things easier for Kara’s plans, and as she sat down on a warm stone bench, she patted the space beside her.

 

            “Sit with me, my friend,” Kara told him, and he hesitated a moment before obeying the command. His armour shifted and clanked as he sat down, boiling inside his chainmail and breastplate as the sun beat down on them.

 

            “Are things well, Your Majesty?” Winn asked, taking in the circles beneath his friend’s eyes, and feeling a twinge of worry. She was not the same girl she used to be.

 

           Kara took a deep breath before meeting his gaze. “You have always been one of my greatest friends, Winn. I have been grateful for your friendship, and I feel love towards you … although I do not love you romantically.”

 

           “Indeed, I would also think us close friends and care for you,” Winn agreed, looking puzzled.

 

           “I will never love another,” Kara told him, “do you understand? I will _always_ hold her in my heart, for she owns it … but still, I need you to marry me.”

 

           He shot up off the bench, his mouth falling open as he stared down at Kara, who was nervously fiddling with her hands. “Marry you?”

 

           Closing her eyes, Kara took another deep breath, before opening them again. “You are unwed, and I am in need of a husband. I will not marry a stranger, for I said I would only marry for love. The woman I loved set me aside, and now I am left to do my duty, and I would marry someone who I know cares for me, and I too care for, even if it is not romantically. We are both in need of an heir, and unless I am mistaken, there is no one who you are courting.”

 

           “You are not mistaken,” Winn stammered.

 

           “Then I ask you, as your friend. I will not command it of you, for a marriage is made between equals, but I _ask_ it of you, marry me and let us both be done with our duty. I will not hold you to our vows, and once an heir is provided, you may do as you please, and court any woman you would like.”

 

           They were both silent for a few moments, and then Winn nodded, kneeling before Kara and bowing his head. “I will do as you ask.”

 

           Giving him a grim smile, Kara nodded and climbed to her feet. “Thank you.”

 

           It wasn’t how she wanted things to be, but she couldn’t sit around waiting for the off chance that Lena would return, especially when she had indicated that she _wouldn’t_ return. Kara had to put her kingdom first, and that meant doing her duty to produce an heir for herself. In a twisted ironic way, everything Kara had fought against was everything she now strove for, and perhaps all of her fighting and stubbornness had been for nothing. Still, she would never bring herself to regret all of her time with Lena, and she was glad for the time they had been able to spend together.

 

           She just wished they’d had _more_ time.


	53. Chapter 53

            “Forgive me, sister, but I do not see why you must do this when you have _specifically_ gone out of your way to change the laws to ensure that it _isn’t_ necessary for you to marry and have an heir.”

 

            “I will do it anyway,” Kara stubbornly said, staring into the depths of the fire as she leant against the fireplace. She had a cup of wine in hand, and she absentmindedly swirled it around as she thought over her decision again. Alex was right, but she had made those laws to protect other people, and while she could just as easily let Lois’ child be her heir, she knew that other kingdoms would still think her weak to be unwed without her own heirs. Her marriage to Winn was one of convenience, and would safely ensure that she had her own secure line, and so she would sacrifice her heart and happiness for it.

 

            Alex bit her tongue, looking frustrated as she clenched her jaw and looked away from her sister. “Very well. I shall have an announcement made. There is a letter for you also, a new report off Lord Olsen, I believe,” Alex stiffly said, holding out the sealed scroll of parchment.

 

            Taking it with her thanks, Kara broke the seal and scanned the words, a slow smile spreading across her face as she took in the words. She looked up at Alex, and there was a gleam in her eyes, and Alex was unsure whether it was a good or bad sign. “James has tracked my uncle a day’s ride from here. He believes him to be planning a small invasion in the castle, and James is planning an attack from the western flank. If we ride out from here, we can attack them from the east, and bring my uncle to justice.”

 

            “I will rouse the troops.”

 

            “Thank you, sister.”

 

\---

 

            They wasted no time, and Alex gathered a few dozen soldiers while Kara donned her armour and readied herself, and soon Kara was riding down the drawbridge with her most trusted warriors in tow. The weather was warm, and they all cooked in their armour as they rode through fields, only stopping once the sun was low on the horizon and night began to fall. Early the next morning, they ate a quick breakfast before riding onwards, aiming to reach their enemy by late in the afternoon.

 

            They made good time, and as the sun started to set, the sight of riders making towards them were visible on the horizon. Drawing their weapons, all of Kara’s soldiers spurred on their horses, and the clash was deafening as they collided. Blood was spilt on the flower studded grass, and soon so did dead bodies. James and his force soon joined them, riding up behind Non’s warriors so that Kara had them surrounded on all sides. They outnumbered them two to one, and while the fight was bloody and brutal, it was over quickly. As the sounds of dying soldiers ran throughout the horses and fighters, Kara slowly guided her soldier across the field, scanning faces as she looked for Non.

 

            Instead, she found a familiar face lying in the churned up mud, face deathly white and armour stained red with blood. Letting out a hoarse cry, Kara scrambled out of her saddle and landed on the field, her knees buckling slightly under the heavy weight of her armour coupled with the wave of weakness that flooded through her as she stared down at Winn. His face was screwed up in pain, and his breathing ragged, and Kara quickly fell to her knees beside him.

 

            As she took his hand in her own, squeezing it tightly as her eyes flooded with tears, his own eyes flew open, and he gave her a pained smile. “Kara-“

 

            “Don’t speak, my friend,” Kara ordered him, “we shall get you to a healer.”

 

            “Kara-“

 

            She quickly started to unbuckle his armour, trying to get to the wound beneath the pierced chainmail, but he weakly fought her off. “Let me see. I can help you,” she cried, her voice trembling with the effort not to cry. “I need you- I need to help you.”

 

            “It is too late for that, my friend,” Winn said, his voice little more than a sigh. “Forgive me, for I cannot uphold my promise to wed you.”

 

            “Do not,” Kara ordered him, and he gave her a bloody smile, coughing slightly as he wheezed. “You must stay with me. I need you, not just as my husband, but to be my friend. I don’t want to lose you, you’re my closest friend.”

 

            She didn’t manage to get the breastplate off before he stilled, the air in his lungs gently exhaled as he took his last breath and passed. Kara shook him, calling his name over and over again as she tried to bring him back, and it wasn’t until Alex put a hand on her shoulder that she let him go and was dragged to her feet. In a daze, she looked at her sister with glazed eyes, feeling numb at the loss of one of her closest friends. She’d always known that Winn wasn’t as skilled a fighter as everyone else, but she had never questioned his decision to accompany her whenever she went to battle, for it was his right to choose, and she hated to take people’s rights away from them. Now, his decision had cost him his life, cost Kara her friend, and cost her her betrothed too.

 

            The worst part was that Non wasn’t even there.

 

            Sometime during the night, he and a dozen soldiers has slipped away from his main force and escaped unnoticed. No one had realized that he hadn’t been on the battlefield until they checked all the faces of the dead afterwards, and with a bitter taste in her mouth, Kara ordered them all burnt. They returned to Kandor soon after, and Kara didn’t speak a word for the entire duration of their ride back.

 

            Upon reaching the castle, she made directly for her chambers, not even stopping to let Eliza hug her as she watched both of her daughters return with relief. Alex hugged her mother and then excused herself as she chased after her sister, walking into Kara’s rooms in time to watch her swipe the contents of her desk to the ground, cracking inkpots and spreading ink along the floor, and watching as sheets of parchment fluttered to the floor and were stained by the ink. And then Kara’s shoulders were shaking as she sobbed, for her lost friend, for her her heart which was still breaking for Lena, and for all the stress and worry for those she still loved and for her kingdom, that weighed so heavily on her shoulders that some days she felt like she could barely stand beneath the weight of her troubles.

 

            Alex stepped inside and shut the door behind her, hesitating as she walked over to Kara, who had sunk to her knees. Crouching down beside her, Alex reached out to embrace her sister, and Kara fought against her touch as she sobbed unintelligible things. Alex didn’t let her go though, she just held her until Kara sagged in defeat, and her sobs slowly quietened as Alex murmured soothing words to her.

 

            “Hush, sister, it will be alright,” Alex whispered.

 

 _“Alright?!”_ Kara exploded, tearing herself from Alex’s arms as she scrambled backwards on the floor, one hand clutching at the front of her chest, right over her heart. “None of this i-is _alright_. I have lost so much; I-I have lost _everything._ She was right. Rhea. I-I am not k-kissed by the sun … I am touched by death. Everyone I care for; they d-die.”

 

            “You didn’t do this,” Alex quietly, yet fiercely assured her, her heart aching for her sister’s heartache. “Winn, he kne-“

 

            Kara let out a cry of anguish. “Do _not_ tell me what he knew. Do not say anything. Just go.”

 

            A flicker of pain crossed Alex’s face, as she grimaced as she reached for her sister. “Kara, let me help you. You are not well; you have been running yourself into the ground, trying to keep up this appearance of strength. Y-you are tired and upset.”

 

            “I am _fine_ ,” Kara said, clenching her teeth as she wiped at her cheeks, even as her breathing hitched and more tears fell. “Leave.”

 

            “Kara-“

 

            “You must leave court. Go wherever you wish, but you cannot stay here. Take Maggie with you, and mother if she will leave the temple. Take whatever you will from the treasury. Take horses and gold and weapons, but leave, and leave _now._ ”

 

            Mouth falling open in shock, Alex made a sound of surprise. “I will _not_ ,” she spluttered, offended by the mere suggestion of being parted from her sister.

 

            “You mistake me, sister,” Kara said, climbing to her feet and methodically shedding her armour as she tried to keep the tremble out of her voice. She couldn’t even bear to look Alex in the eye. “It was not a request; it was a command. You are not safe here. No one I care about is safe here, and I _cannot_ risk you. You will leave court, and you will not return until I say otherwise.”

 

            “You cannot-“

 

            “I can.”

 

            Alex let out a sound of frustration, running her hands through her short hair. “I must be by your side to protect you. If I am not here, then who will do it? I know you have James, but _I_ am your sister.”

 

            Kara gave her a sad smile. “Exactly. You are my sister, and I love you with all my heart. If you died to protect me, I would _never_ forgive myself, and the chances of that happening … I fear they only increase.”

           

            “So this is to be goodbye?” Alex coldly asked, her eyes shining with tears. “You will push away one of the few people left who love you?”

 

            “I do it because I love you also,” Kara gently told her.

 

            Alex swallowed the lump in her throat and then bowed her head. She didn’t say another word as she walked over to the door, opening it with unnecessary force and slamming it shut behind her. It hurt Kara beyond words to send her sister away, but she did it to protect her, and as a small flicker of doubt crossed her mind, Kara had to remind herself to harden her heart. It would not do to let Alex stay, only to see her die defending her queen.

 

            An hour later, Kara stiffly stood near the gates, watching as a cloaked and hooded Maggie swung herself up onto the back of her horse, adjusting the strap of her quiver full of arrows as she stared at Kara. Giving her a quick nod, Kara turned her attention to Alex, who was scowling as she hugged Eliza goodbye. She had denied the invitation to leave court, stubbornly insisting that Kara would need her mother, and that she would be even less useful on the road than at the temple. She hated to tear Alex away from her mother, but if it kept her safe, they would both be thankful for it one day. Starting slightly, Kara realised that Lena had said the exact same thing to her when she left, and now, Kara finally understood what she was talking about. Still, she didn’t think she would ever thank Lena for leaving.

 

            Turning away from Eliza, Alex turned to Kara, giving her a bow and lowering her head as she paid her respects to her queen. Feeling as if she had been kicked in the stomach, Kara felt the air leave her lungs, and she rushed forward, enveloping her sister in a big hug as she buried her face into her shoulder. She willed herself not to cry, for she had commanded this herself, but the overwhelming feeling of sadness was almost too much for her to bear.

 

            “Stay safe,” Kara whispered, squeezing her tightly.

 

            “I will be, for I am being sent away from the danger … or so you would have me believe,” Alex stiffly said.

 

            Letting out a shuddering sight, Kara held her sister even tighter. “I am your greatest threat, and I hate to do this, but I must do it for your sake. May the Gods bless you, sister.”

 

            “I shall not be parted from you long,” Alex stubbornly said, and Kara had to bite her tongue to stop herself from reminding Alex that she would not be permitted back until she was given permission. “Stay safe in my absence, and do _not_ do anything foolish. I love you, sister.”

 

            “I love you too,” Kara said, kissing her on the cheek before pulling back.

 

            Affectionately cupping Kara’s cheek, Alex gave her a grim smile, before dropping her hand and walking over to her horse. She swung herself up into her saddle, and with a final nod to her sister and her mother, she urged her horse forwards and set off down the drawbridge with Maggie close behind her.

 

            Kara glanced to her left as she felt Eliza come up beside her, and she let her mother wrap an arm around her shoulders, giving her a gentle squeeze. “They have each other; she will be alright.”

 

            “I hope so.”

 

\---

 

            It was a few weeks later when Alex rode through the gate of the massive keep. She had seen it from a distance a number of times, but the sheer size of the sprawling castle took her breath away. House Luthor were easily the richest family in the kingdom, and a lot of their wealth came from their scientifically inclined minds, which had thought up many inventions and discoveries that had been useful in the land. Their pursuit of knowledge had led to all manners of books being collected in a vast library, which garnered a lot of attention from those wishing to learn, and soon enough it had become a hub for all of those who wished to pursue a craft in the Science Guild.

 

            As Alex and Maggie rode into Thorul, she looked around in amazement, taking in the sight of people perched on walls, reading thick volumes borrowed from the castle library, stable hands trying to fit a newly designed saddle to a restless horse, soldiers testing new crossbows, filling the huge courtyard with the sound of bolts striking the targets. There was so much activity that it was almost overwhelming, and Alex felt slightly disheartened; she had been hoping it would be easier to go about her task. It made no difference though; she was determined.

 

            The castle was a warren of barns and apothecaries, smithy’s and carpentry’s, crafting rooms and alchemy chambers. There were buildings dedicated to healers trying tinctures and new healing techniques on those with open wounds, arithmeticians counting and calculating, astronomers mapping the stars that they’d viewed last night, and chemists mixing substances that changed colours, let off funny smells or even occasionally caused a small blast. After handing over their horses to one of the stables, the two girls had wandered through the keep, asking questions that led them from one end of the castle to the other, and by the time they made it to the right place, they were exhausted and sweaty, and Alex’s temper was short.

 

            Lena had been at one of the smithy’s, hammering away at a piece of metal that she was working into a thin sheet. Her pale skin gleamed with sweat, and her face and the bare skin of her arms were stained black with soot and grease as she worked the bellows and heated the metal over the fire. As Alex’s frame blocked out the sun peeking in through the open doorway, Lena glanced up, dropping the hammer and she sheet of metal into the fire in her shock. She pulled at the fingers of her thick hide gloves, looking startled as she watched Alex stride in.

 

            “What are you-“ She didn’t even have time to finish her sentence before Alex had grabbed the front of the apron she wore and had her pinned up against the wall.

 

            “You will pack a bag and saddle your horse, you will ride back to Kandor as fast as you can, and when you get there, you will fall to your knees before her and _beg_ for her forgiveness. Do you understand me?”

 

            “I can’t,” Lena whispered. Alex lifted her by the apron so that she stood on the tips of her toes, staring into the angry eyes of Alex, who stood impossibly close. “I-I am doing this to protect her. Surely you can understand that.”

 

            “I don’t give a _fuck_ why you are doing it. You will do as I say, or I shall drag you back by your hair. Am I _clear?”_ Alex snarled.

 

            With a sigh, Maggie walked into the smithy and firmly clapped a hand down on Alex’s shoulder, pulling her away from Lena. “You do not need to make threats, my love. She loves your sister, and if you tell her of how she has been of late, she will listen.”

 

            “How has she been?” Lena quickly asked, her voice full of worry as she looked at Alex with concern.

 

            A flash of pain replaced the look of anger for a moment, and Alex hesitated before replying. “Bad,” Alex said, her voice cracking on the word as she thought about her sister’s breakdown before ordering her to leave court. She hated to be parted from her, especially knowing that she was heartbroken and there would be no one there brave enough to advise her on what was right or wrong.

 

            Lena swallowed the lump in her throat, her eyes pricking with tears as she nodded. “Perhaps we could speak of this over food and drink. I would see proper hospitality rites bestowed upon you.”

 

            Maggie mumbled an agreement, and Alex turned and stalked out without another word, leaving Lena to quickly tidy up after herself, plucking the twisted piece of metal out of the fire and dumping it in a cold bucket of water before removing the apron. She quickly led them through the castle and up to her chambers, stopping to ask that food and drink be sent up for them. Upon reaching her rooms, she walked over to a basin of water and washed the dirt off her face and forearms, before fetching a clean shirt to change into. Alex and Maggie let their gaze wander around the room, seating themselves before the empty fireplace at Lena’s permission, and taking in the stacks of books, the half-finished projects and the assortment of tools and blueprints scattered around on a multitude of desk and worktables.

 

            “You have been keeping yourself busy in your absence,” Alex stiffly said, breaking the tense silent.

 

            “I came to pursue my interest in the sciences with those who come here seeking the same thing,” Lena muttered, walking over to sit down opposite the two girls. “I have found that learning new things has kept my mind busy, and I have learnt much to keep it as such.”

 

            “Yes, well, I can imagine why you would need to,” Alex snarkily replied, and Maggie laid a gentle hand on her knee to rein in her temper.

 

            Lena drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly, her hands shaking as she fiddled with the golden ring on her finger. “I know that what I did was wrong-“

 

            _“Wrong?!”_ Alex exclaimed, letting out a sharp laugh. “She _married_ you, she wanted to spend the rest of her _life_ with you, and you just- you cast her aside as soon as things got scary again. You renounced your vows – vows you had taken in the sight of the gods, and sworn to uphold. After _everything_ that has happened, you couldn’t even fight for her? You were a coward! If it was not breaking her heart, I wouldn’t even be here. I care only for her happiness, and so I come here to drag you back and make her see sense.”

 

            “I cannot risk her getting injured again because of our love,” Lena stubbornly said, her jaw jutting forward as she set her shoulders and met Alex’s hard stare.

 

            A tight smile pulling at the corners of her lips, Alex tilted her head to the side. “I already told you; I am not asking. She is the queen; she will be in danger no matter what. Since your leaving, she has become cold, numb, and a shadow of the person she was. Her heart has hardened, and now she does not take pleasure in the things she used to. You have taken her happiness from her; return it.”

 

            Closing her eyes, Lena fought back the feeling of guilt that threatened to make her burst into tears. She hated being parted from Kara, and she hated knowing that she had hurt Kara, and it had hurt her every single moment they had been parted. Yet she could not bring herself to regret it. “As long as my absence keeps her safe, I will stay here and become more learned. My knowledge and discovery will be of more use to her if she is alive.”

 

            “You don’t understand,” Alex sharply said, “since you left she has agreed to marry Lord Schott, there was a skirmish a few weeks ago with her uncle’s forces, who her uncle was _not_ amongst. Lord Schott _died_ in that skirmish, and Gods know what plan she’s concocting now that I’ve been banished from court.”

 

            “Wait, Winn is _dead?_ And she did _not_ send you here to fetch me?” Lena asked, her face crumpling in confusion.

 

            “No she bloody well did not,” Alex said in a biting tone. “I come because I like you, and I love my sister, and if you make her happy, then you _will_ return and _make her happy._ You are a mess – anyone with eyes can see it – and if I am banned from court for my own protection, I will bring you back with me and maybe between the two of us we can reason with her. She doesn’t want to marry; she’s only ever wanted to marry _you_. She’s only ever _loved_ you, and she had changed the laws for you. You do not know her as I do; you do not know her as I do as her sister, and so you do not know of how she spoke of you during the long nights in our room at the temple. You do not know how she pined for you for so long, even before she admitted it to herself. She has been wasting away into nothing, and I fear you will go down the same path as soon as you give your mind a moment to rest.”

 

            Lena swallowed the lump in her throat, her voice trembling as she spoke. “She will not forgive me for what I have done.”

 

            Snorting, Alex rolled her eyes. “She would forgive you for treason itself.”

 

            A small bubble of laughter passed Lena’s lips at that, for unbeknown to Alex, Kara _had_ forgiven her for treason, which was why Lena was terrified that this would be one time too many for Kara. How many times could she forgive someone she loved? Lena shook her head. “No, she will not easily forgive this.”

 

            “Well you must earn it,” Alex brusquely said, climbing to her feet. “Pack a bag; we leave immediately.”

 

             Lena blinked in surprise, her eyebrows rising slightly, and she scrambled to her feet. “I cannot. There is something I must do.”

 

            "Well do it quickly," Alex told her, "for you are coming with me one way or another, even if I have to kidnap you and tie you to the back of your horse. I am  _not_ returning to Kandor without you."


	54. Chapter 54

            Kara nervously paced back and forth outside Lois’ chambers, wincing every time she heard her cousin’s wife scream in pain and feeling guilty at the fact that her husband wasn’t here to be by her side as she brought their child into the world. After Winn’s death, Kara had lost all motivation to marry at all, which meant that all of her expectations were riding on the hopes of this child to be her heir. Childbirth was a tricky business, and it wouldn’t be surprising if either the baby or mother didn’t survive the ordeal, although Kara furiously prayed to the gods that they both did. The past almost two months without Alex had been hard on Kara, and she had spent all of her time with Eliza or Lois and Lucy; the only people she had left that she could seek some sort of comfort with. There was James too, but he was permanently on guard or at the council sessions with her and her mother, and Kara rarely had the chance to speak to him about trifling matters, although his presence was still a comfort to her.

 

            She sorely missed her sister though, and knew that right now, if she were here, she would be comforting Kara and assuring her not to worry as she paced back and forth outside the room. Lucy was inside with her sister, but Kara had refused to go in and help with the birth; the memory of her cousin would be too painful to bear as she watched his wife go through this alone. She wished that Alex was with her. She wished that Kal-El was with his wife. And she wished that she could go back to the beginning, when she had just returned to court and was surrounded by friends and family and was ignorant to the betrayal, heartbreak and loss they would all suffer in the future.

 

            Stopping her pacing, Kara fell back against the wall and slid down it, drawing her knees up to her chest as she sat outside waiting. James was next to her, the only other family that Lois had, and Kara was grateful for his silent companionship as she shut her eyes and let out a heavy sigh. The hours had dragged by, and she was tired and worried and just wanted to know if Lois and her new niece and nephew were okay. Kara had helped Eliza deliver babies before, so the screams of pain were nothing new, but Kara also couldn’t tell how everything was going inside, which made her feel more worried. Trying to calm herself down before she started to panic, Kara breathed in deeply through her nose and slowly out through her mouth, her thoughts straying to Lena, going to her happy place in that poppy field. She could almost imagine her calling her name.

 

            “Kara.”

 

            With a start, she opened her eyes, realising that she hadn’t been imagining the voice. She scrambled to her feet, her face turning white with shock as she took in the sight of a battered and bruised looking Lena, flanked by an equally wounded Alex and Maggie, and on his knees in front of the three of them, Non.

 

            Without hesitation, Kara drew James’ sword from his scabbard, strode forward towards her uncle, making sure to avoid eye contact with Lena, whose bottom lip was already trembling as she stared at Kara in awe, as if she had never seen such a sight before. Grabbing her uncle by the front of his breastplate, Kara dragged him to his feet and kicked open the nearest door to an adjacent room.

 

            “Well, niece, you are to send me to my wife then,” Non said, a tight smile spreading across his face. “I shall greet your parents for you.”

 

            “I do not think you will be permitted in Rao’s halls, uncle,” Kara said, and without another word, she lopped his head off, watching it tumble to the flagstone floor, quickly followed by the rest of his body, which rapidly created a pool of blood beneath it from the severed neck. Handing James back his sword, she brushed past everyone, careful not to touch Lena, and walked back out into the hallway. “Have soldiers bury his body beyond the castle walls,” Kara told no one in particular, “and then leave me.”

 

            “Sister,” Alex said, and Kara turned on her and wrapped her in a tight hug.

 

            She held her close for a brief moment, feeling all of the tension bleed out of her as Alex returned the hug. “I’ve missed you, sister, and there will be time to talk after. Lois is giving birth, and I must wait to hear of my heir’s safety.”

 

            Pulling back, Alex hesitated, her eyes scanning Kara’s face to make sure that she was okay, and then she nodded, giving her a small smile. Willing herself not to look at Lena, Kara turned around and reclaimed her position outside Lois’ rooms, waiting for everyone else to leave her as she’d ordered. She was soon left alone again, feeling a thousand times more anxious than before, and she couldn’t stop her hands from trembling as she waited.

 

            It was a few more hours before the baby was born, and the sun was high in the sky by then. After a sleepless night stood outside in the hall, Kara felt stiff and clumsy as she was let into the room a look on concern on her face as she looked at Lois. She was pale and her red hair was plastered to her face, but she gave Kara wide smile as she walked in.

 

            “A girl,” she croaked, her voice hoarse from screaming.

 

            A hesitant smile broke out on Kara’s face, and she let out a sigh of relief. “A princess. Good. She is healthy? And you?”

 

            Lois nodded, smiling as she looked down at the bundle in her arms, stroking the baby’s face with her fingertips. Lucy was stood off to the side with Eliza and Martha, all three women smiling happily as they watched Lois with her baby, although there was a lingering sense of sadness in the room with the absence of Kal-El. Looking up at Kara, Lois slowly offered the bundle to her. “Would you like to hold your … niece?”

 

            Warily stepping forward, Kara carefully reached out for the baby, cradling her in her arms. She let out a quiet laugh as she looked down at the curious blue eyes staring straight back up at her, and the mop of dark hair. “She’s beautiful,” Kara said, glancing up as Lois as she spoke, gently rocking the baby in her arms.

 

            “She has your family’s eyes,” Lois said, “his eyes. She looks like him.”

 

            “She does,” Kara quietly agreed, a lump forming in her throat. “Have you decided on a name?”

 

            “Lara, after his mother.”

 

            Kara nodded, reaching out to gently stroke the baby’s face. “Lara Kal-El, Princess of Krypton.”

 

            She gave Lois her daughter back a few moments later, sitting down on the edge of the bed and bathing her cousin’s brow. She felt hot, and Kara could see Eliza feeling the swollen ankles of the woman. Kara saw the look of panic in her mother’s eyes when she quickly glanced up, and a feeling of dread filled Kara. Slowly reaching out for herbs, Eliza started to methodically grind the herbs, keeping a close eye on Lois as Martha and Lucy fawned over the baby with her, laughing and smiling amongst themselves. Kara sat there like a statue, her eyes flickering over to her mother every few moments.

 

            Martha was holding her granddaughter when Lois sagged back onto the pillows, her eyelids fluttering closed and her eyes flicking side to side beneath them. “It is so peaceful beneath the stars,” she sighed, and everyone looked at her. It was the middle of the day, and the sun was shining brightly overhead. “You’ll look after her, won’t you Kara? No matter what?”

 

            “Of course,” Kara said, reaching out to give Lois’ hand a reassuring squeeze. “You should get some rest. I will not let anything happen to your daughter.” She gave her hand another squeeze, before climbing to her feet and giving everyone a nod and taking her leave. The order for guards to line the halls and stand outside the door was given to ensure that nothing happened to her heir. No one would be able to get within an inch of her without Kara or Lois’ permission.

 

            Making her way to her chambers, Kara knocked on Alex’s door first and let herself in at her sister’s permission. The sight of Alex and Maggie sat at the table, eating and laughing with their things already strewn around the room, made Kara relax slightly, and feel a little bit nostalgic for the times she had been able to be so carefree with Lena. Gesturing for the two girls to stay in their seats, Kara shut the door and walked over, gratefully sinking into a seat opposite and stealing a grape from the plate.

           

            “Well?”

 

            “A girl. Lara, for my aunt. She … she looks like him,” Kara said, a slight frown gracing her features as she thought intently about her cousin.

 

            Reaching for an empty cup, Alex poured Kara some wine, before refilling hers and Maggie’s. She raised the cup, smiling brightly at Kara, “to the new princess, and your heir.”

 

            “To the princess,” Kara mumbled in unison with Maggie, and the three of them drained their cups. Refilling her empty cup, Kara set it down on the table and ran a hand through her tangled curls, looking exhausted.

 

            “When was the last time you slept?” Alex gently asked, and Kara sharply looked up.

 

            She met Alex’s gaze for a moment, before looking away from the accusing eyes, shrugging slightly as she played with the stem of her goblet. “I don’t know. Two nights ago?”

 

            “Kara-“

 

            “I have been busy with official matters, sister,” Kara cut her off, draining her cup again, “and I must get back to them. I am grateful to you for bringing my uncle back, but it is time for you to leave. Nothing has changed here.”

 

            Shooting to her feet, Alex pushed her chair back and glared at Kara. “You will _not_ push me away again, sister! I will not leave you again, and you will stop this nonsense. It helps no one. You are a mess.”

 

            “How kind of you to say,” Kara snorted, slowly climbing to her feet. “You may stay for the night, but tomorrow, you will leave again.”

 

            Without another word, Kara walked over to the door and let herself back out. Hesitating, she stared at the door of her chambers and turned away, heading down the hallway to the rooms that still held Lena’s things. There were a number of places she could’ve gone to while Kara had been waiting for Lois to give birth, yet Kara felt sure that Lena would’ve gone to her rooms. There was nothing quite like the comfort of a familiar place to be alone and wait to be sought out. It took her a full minute of deep breathing outside the familiar wooden door, before Kara worked up the courage to knock.

 

            Lena pulled it open in an instant, her face white and drawn as she looked at Kara, and her eyes were ringed by dark circles and betrayed the pain she held inside. “Your Majesty,” she murmured, bowing her head and holding the door open wider.

 

            Walking inside, Kara stood in the middle of the room, her back to Lena, who was closing the door. “I would thank you for bringing my uncle for me.”

 

            “You do not need to thank me,” Lena whispered, her voice shaking as she spoke. Kara turned around and raised an eyebrow at her, watching as Lena fell to her knees before her, her hands balled into fists as she tried to stop herself from shaking. “I would beg your forgiveness and mercy for the betrayal I have shown you.”

 

            “Betrayal,” Kara snorted with laughter, the sound devoid of any warmth or amusement, “you have betrayed me yet again. That is twice now. Each time you claim to do it out of love, yet you pull my heart from my chest in the same breath. Love is not a sacrifice; love is acceptance and compromise. You should’ve trusted me. Trusted me to keep you _safe_ , to keep _myself_ safe. Yet you didn’t, and you left me, after I had lost _so_ much already. All I ever wanted was to love you.”

 

            “I’m sorry,” Lena whispered.

 

            Kara glanced down at her, a spasm of pain crossing her face as she looked at the woman who still held her heart. She wanted to sink to her knees before her and take her in her arms and never let her go, but she knew it was too late for that. She had changed much in Lena’s absence, and now she knew that if she let herself show weakness and mercy, she would crumble and soften back to the girl she had been. Her duty came first now, and that included pushing away those she loved most to keep them safe.

 

            “My sister was wrong to bring you back here, although her heart was in the right place. She was wrong to come back herself. You will leave immediately. Return to Thorul with your mother; I trust that she is treating you kindly?”

 

            “She is, Your Majesty,” Lena choked out, trying to stop her voice from wobbling as her eyes prickled with tears. Alex had been wrong; Kara wouldn’t forgive her for this. “And I will do as you command.”

 

            Kara nodded to her, even though Lena didn’t see it, and clenching her jaw, she walked over to the door and walked out without another word. She was still stood in the hallway, taking deep breaths to stop herself from crying, when a servant came running up to her, bowing and trying to catch their breath as they breathlessly conveyed the message.

 

            It was Lois.

 

            Running as fast as she could, Kara burst into Lois’ room in a panic, taking in the sight of her mother bathing the woman’s forehead, while Lucy tried to pin her down as she struggled. Kara rushed to the side of the bed, helping keep her still while she writhed around, the sheets twisting around her legs as she kicked at them. With a feeling of dread, Kara realised that Lois’ skin was on fire and slick with sweat, and she had her eyes screwed shut as she yelled.

 

            “My head! My head, it _hurts_ ,” she groaned, her breathing hitching as she sobbed.

 

            “Kara!” Eliza barked, and she looked up at her mother, “you must brew some chamomile tea, _now!”_

 

            Releasing Lois’ shoulders, Kara sprang into action, fumbling through the collection of herbs that Eliza had brought with her. She found some of the tea leaved and threw them into a pot of water, rushing over to the fire to hang it above the flames. She could hear the baby crying as Martha tried to soothe her in the midst of the shouting and chaos on the bed. Kara had seen this before; first the ankles swelled, and then came the fever and head pains, and after that, seizures. She prayed to the Gods that the tea would help keep the seizures at bay, for she knew if it got to that point, Lois would die.

 

            As soon as the water was hot enough to leach some of the nutrients from the tea leaves, Kara dipped a wooden cup into it and rushed over to the bed, propping Lois’ head up as she forced the tea down her throat. She coughed and spluttered, but Kara kept the cup pressed to her lips, trying not to panic as she watched Lois drink.

 

            It didn’t help though, and Lois’ cries of pain turned to silence as she went rigid, her head thrown back as her body was wracked with spasms. “Mother!” Kara yelled, “mother, do something. She cannot be allowed to die!”

 

            Eliza tirelessly fetched remedy after remedy, forcing different tinctures down Lois’ throat as she tried to cure her. “She isn’t breathing,” Lucy tensely said, her voice shaking as she tried not to cry. “What do I do? She isn’t _breathing.”_

 

            “Stand back,” Eliza ordered her, and Kara backed away too, watching her mother try breathe some air into her lungs. It made no difference though, she was beyond saving at that point, and all at once, Lois’ body seemed to relax as the seizures stopped, and then stiffen as her heart stopped beating.

 

            “No, no, no,” Lucy cried, clutching at the front of Lois’ sweat-soaked nightdress. “Sister, come back. Come back to me, come back to your daughter. Lois! Wake up. Wake up, you stubborn fool!” Kara pressed her lips together in a hard line, her face crumpling slightly as she took in the sight of Lucy crying over the dead body of her sister. No one moved for a few minutes as they all stood there in shock, listening to Lucy cry as they fought back their own tears. She had _just_ delivered her baby, she had been _fine_.

 

            She looked up as a warm bundle was gently shoved into her arms, taking in Martha’s pale face, drawn with grief and eyes swimming with tears, and she looked at her in panic. “She is your responsibility now, Your Majesty,” Martha choked out, and Kara quickly looked down at the baby, quietly staring up at her. Kara looked back up, almost as if she was about to protest and give the baby back, but she watched as Martha rounded the bed and laid a hand on Lucy’s shoulder. “Come away now, dear. There is nothing you can do to help her now. She is in Rao’s halls, with my son.”

 

            Lucy let Martha wrap her in a hug, soothingly stroking her hair as she cried, and after a few minutes, she quietened. She looked up at Kara, who was stood there in shock, holding Lara in her arms and looking dazed. Choking on a sob, Lucy extracted herself from Martha’s arms and walked around the bed, stopping before Kara. She reached out and trailed a finger along the little girl’s cheek, and Kara tried to hold her out to Lucy, but she pulled back.

 

            “No. She asked you to look after her,” Lucy hoarsely muttered. “She is your heir. Raise her as your own.”

 

            “But-“

 

            “Do this for her, please,” Lucy cried, “I beg it of you. Give her a mother; two mothers. Give her a _family_.”

 

            Kara let out a choked sound of surprise at her words, “but _you’re_ her family too.”

 

            “And I shall love my niece with all my heart,” Lucy swore, “but I cannot be a mother to her. Please.”

 

            Hesitating, Kara stared down into the solemn blue eyes that were staring up at her, eyelids fluttering slightly as she fought back sleep, and the tiny hand grasping onto the edge of the blanket wrapped around her. “Of course,” Kara murmured. She owed it to her cousin, and his wife, and their baby. She owed it to her heir to make sure she was raised right, by someone who loved her, as Eliza had loved her after her own parents died.

 

\---

 

            Kara was stood by the window in her room, listening to Eliza and Alex coo over the baby lying in the nearby crib. She was exhausted and her heart was heavy with grief, and as she saw a familiar cloaked figure crossing the courtyard in her armour, she felt a stab of pain shoot through her, and she stepped back from the window. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she hesitated, before excusing herself from her family and rushing over to the door.

 

            She briskly walked through the castle, ignoring the bows and murmured words of congratulations and condolences. James wasn’t with her, he was comforting his wife after the loss of her sister, and Kara had left all the other guards with her new heir. She wasn’t ready to call her daughter yet, it felt strange and unusual, and she needed time to figure things out. Her promise still stood though; she would raise Kal-El and Lois’ daughter as her own. Walking through the huge main doors, she saw Lena leading her horse out of the stables – the one she’d arrived on, not the one that Kara had gifted her – and almost as if she could sense that Kara was there, Lena looked up and scanned the faces of everyone in the courtyard, landing on Kara. She froze, and Kara kept on walking towards her, bracing herself for the words she was about to speak.

 

            Lena looked like she was bracing herself too, and as Kara neared her, she bowed her head. “Your Majesty.”

 

            “I would not let you leave without saying goodbye,” Kara slowly told her.

 

            “Then it is goodbye,” Lena murmured, letting out a sad laugh as her eyes shone with unshed tears. “I apologise once more for what I have done, and I wish you well, as ever. I … I would rest at our poppy field tonight, in case … well, it doesn’t matter, your mind is set anyway.”

 

            Kara gave her a bitter smile, “you left me first.”

 

            Lena nodded, blinking rapidly and pressing her lips together in a thin line, “it killed me to go then, and it kills me to go now.”

 

            “It kills me too, but I am your greatest threat,” Kara said, “may the Gods watch over you.” Hesitating, Lena looked at her with sad eyes, silently begging for Kara to ask her to stay, and when she didn’t, she swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, turning away from her and swinging up into her saddle.

 

            Kara opened and closed her mouth a few times, fighting with the urge to tell her to stop, and the need to let her go. In the end, she stayed silent, knowing that Lena would be safe in Thorul and she could continue to do her duty as Mistress of the Science Guild from the safety of her family’s home. Hopefully one day she would be able to move on, and Kara truly did wish her well, even if she knew that for herself, it would only ever be Lena. Winn would’ve been a good husband for her, they loved each other as friends and would’ve been happy together, as opposed to some stranger, but now that he was gone, Kara was done trying. She had her heir, and now she would devote all of her attention to doing right by her.

 

            The sound of someone approaching caught her attention, and Kara turned to look at Alex, who laid a hand on her shoulder and gave her a pained smile. “Kara, do not be foolish, I beg of you,” Alex sighed, “you don’t want to do this. You’re upset, and I know that, but you _know_ that this isn’t what you really want. Stop pushing people away to protect them; we don’t _need_ your protection. It is our duty to protect _you.”_

 

            “If you remember, sister, I commanded you to leave also, and told you not to return unless I said,” Kara stiffly told her, watching as Lena headed north-westerly across the open fields leading away from the castle, in the direction she’d said she’d take. “And she betrayed me, and I still strongly feel the hurt of that betrayal.”

 

            Scoffing, Alex rolled her eyes, and Kara frowned slightly at her sister’s dismissive attitude. “I am not saying you should _ignore_ the hurt, but you know that only she can heal it for you, and the longer you are parted, the longer you will hurt. As for myself, well, you told me once that you are my sister first, which means that I get to ignore my sister when she’s being a fool. I would not have left in the first place, but I knew that you needed her, and it was time to bring her home. So, as your sister, I am ignoring your command, and as my queen, if you decide to command me again, then you will have to lock me in the dungeons, for I will not leave again.”

 

            “Well,” Kara said, trying to swallow her pride as Alex stubbornly disobeyed, “you had best settle yourself back into your old room then.”

 

            Biting back a smile, Alex raised her eyebrows at her sister. “I already have ... and what about you?”

 

            Turning to the nearest servant hurrying past, Kara shouted an order, “ready my horse.” Alex couldn’t bite back the smile that spread across her face then.

 

\---

 

            By the time that Kara had changed out of her dress and mounted her horse, Lena was far from her, and she rode as hard as she could to reach her. She’d said she would be waiting at the poppy field, and Kara knew that she would wait until tomorrow, holding out hope, but Kara didn’t want to make her wait. She forgave Lena, but she wasn’t welcoming her back with open arms, because knowing that she’d left so easily _hurt_ , but Alex was right; she couldn’t let her leave again. Perhaps with time they would be able to make it back to where they had been, but it _would_ take time. Kara was willing to fight for it though, as she had done over and over again. The real question was whether Lena would fight too.

 

            The sun was lowering by the time Kara could see the beginnings of the red flowers dotting the rolling hills, and she spurred her horse further onwards, until she could see the small copse of trees in the distance and the dark haired woman setting her horse to graze in the shadows of them.

 

            “Lena!”

 

            She jerked her head up at Kara’s shout, looking surprised, and Comet thundered over the grass as Kara urged him on. She reined him in and dismounted in one fluid motion, her legs almost buckling beneath her as she stumbled forward, breathing heavily from the furious pace she had set to reach Lena.

 

            She stopped a few feet away from Lena, bracing her hands on her knees as she caught her breath, and Lena warily looked at her as she waited for Kara to say something. “Th-there’s something I must tell you,” Kara stammered, “a-a story. You are always telling me stories … well I-I have one for you.”

 

            Straightening up, Kara met Lena’s gaze and held it, her breathing slowing back to normal. “There was a princess and her friend – her _dearest_ friend – and she loved her friend, and her friend loved her back.”

 

            “They fell in love, didn’t they?” Lena asked, a wistful look on her face.

 

            “Yes, they did,” Kara quietly said, and she fell silent for a moment, looking away to take in the view of the blue sky, the endless fields filled with red flowers. It was the perfect summer’s day. “I broke my heart into pieces a long time ago, you know, and I left them everywhere we went together. I left those pieces of you everywhere. Down by the sea, when you told me that nothing was impossible for me, and I realised that I _could_ tell you of my feelings. On the open plains where I _did_  admit my feelings to you, and you admitted yours in return, and then another in the mountains where I handed myself over to save you from doing it yourself. The first piece of my heart that I ever gave away was to the roots of the willow tree where we first kissed as children, but the best piece … I gave that to you, and you gave all of your heart to me. There is nowhere in this kingdom that I can go without seeing you, for you are _everywhere_. Even when you left, I had only to look at my own heart to find you again, and so I hardened it against such feelings. I am not the woman I was before you left.”

 

            “I see quite clearly the woman in front of me,” Lena whispered, giving Kara a sad smile. “Neither of us are who we used to be; we are not those naïve children, and I wish we could go back to the beginning.”

 

            Kara looked back at her, tilting her head to the side as she stared at Lena. She looked tired and sad, and being away from Kara had taken its toll on her. All of this had. “I don’t,” Kara told her, and Lena’s eyebrows raised slightly in surprise, “where we end up isn’t where we started off, and too much has happened between us that we cannot forget it … we can only move forward.”

 

            Unsure of what Kara was saying, Lena hesitated, opening and closing her mouth a few times. “And how do you want to move forward?”

 

            Giving her a pained smile, Kara shrugged slightly. “My cousin has given birth to a daughter. She passed quickly after giving birth and now the responsibility to raise the child has fallen upon me. I have my heir – I have a daughter. My line is secure and now … I am free to pursue my heart. I forgive you, Lena. I am still angry and confused and hurt, but I forgive you because despite everything, I love you still. Don’t leave.”

 

            Exhaling in relief, Lena placed a hand over her heart, tilting her head back and closing her eyes as she let Kara’s words sink in. “You want me to stay?” she finally asked, looking at Kara, who was staring at her with an odd look on her face.

 

            “I do,” Kara confirmed, “but I will tell you now, Lena, there will be no more chances after this. My heart can only take so much pain, and while I will never love another, if you turn your back on me again, I will not chase after you again.”

 

            Lena eagerly nodded, and she took a step towards Kara, stopping as Kara shifted slightly, as if she was about to take a step backwards. “I will not stray from your side ever again,” Lena fiercely told her, “I will spend every day earning back your trust, I promise you that. I will fight for _us_ , I swear it.” As she spoke, she pulled a dagger from her belt and and pulled off one of her gloves, running the blade across her palm and drawing a thin line of blood. “I swear it in the sight of the Gods. I’ll not leave you again. I have tortured us both too long when it comes to our love, and I will not see it happen again. I would sooner die.”

 

            Kara pressed her lips into a grim line, staring hard at Lena. “You swore an oath in the sight of the Gods once before … why should I trust that you will keep this vow?”

 

            Letting out a surprised laugh, Lena gave her a wry smile, “because this time, there is no way out for a coward. It is binding, and this time I will have no choice but to stay at your side, and there is no place I would rather be.”

 

            “Good,” Kara said, satisfied that Lena was serious this time. It was a start.

 

            “Your Majesty-“

 

            “Are we not past formalities,” Kara snorted, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “You were once my wife, you shared my bed, you had my heart. You needn’t be so formal.”

 

            “I am truly sorry for renouncing my wedding vows to you,” Lena said, a flicker of pain passing over her face, “nothing in my life has been harder than walking away from everything I have ever dreamed of with you.”

 

            Kara nodded, giving her a hesitant smile, “there will be time enough for us to talk properly once we return to the castle. We should go back. I have a kingdom to run.” She sounded weary of the prospect of going back to sign documents and meet with nobles, but she knew it was necessary, and she had to be getting back to the baby anyway. Swinging herself up onto her horse, Kara waited while Lena unhitched her own.

 

            “You should’ve become a poet,” Lena said with a slight smile, repeating the words she had spoken to Kara that day down by the shoreline.

 

            “I would’ve written about you.”


	55. Chapter 55

            Kara was gently rocking Lara back and forth as she stared out the window, smiling as the baby yawned and screwed her face up. She had always liked children, and had been torn about whether or not she would ever have any of her own, but now she did, and in less than a day she had become completely enamoured by the little princess. It almost frightened her how much she had let her heart soften already.

 

            There was a knock on the door and she quietly called out for them to enter, turning to watch as Lena walked in. Her eyes widened slightly at the sight of Kara holding the bundled up baby in her arms, gently rocking her back and forth, and Kara gave her a hesitant smile. “Thank you for coming.”

 

            “Of course,” Lena mumbled, warily coming further into the room as she cast the bundle in Kara’s arms a dubious look.

 

            “Her name is Lara,” Kara told her, “named after my cousin’s mother.”

 

            “I remember her from when we were children,” Lena softly said, stopping a few feet away from Kara. She had never even held a baby before, and was nervous just being around one. Other ladies at court had always been nursing babies or had children running around underfoot, but Lena had always isolated herself from them, and as Lara let out a small cry, Lena felt herself panic.

 

            Kara let out a quiet laugh, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she looked down at the baby adoringly. “Hush now, little one, it’s okay,” she cooed, wincing slightly as she called her little one. It was the same term of endearment that Astra had called her, and it had slipped out on instinct. “Someone’s just tired, hm?” Kara babbled as she walked back over to the cot and laid her down in it, stroking the baby’s dark hair as she watched the blue eyes drift shut.

 

            Lena had watched the whole thing with slight apprehension, and Kara let out a quiet laugh as she beckoned her over to the other end of the room, before the fire. There was a tray of lavender tea and various cakes and tarts already waiting for them, and Kara reached out to pour them both a cup, before selecting a lemon cake and sitting back in her seat. Silently, she watched Lena nurse her tea, her hands grasping the cup tightly as if it was a lifeline. The tension in her shoulders and the nervous way she bounced her foot was a shock to Kara, for Lena had usually been so stoic, and around Kara, flirtatious and relaxed on occasion.

 

            “There is much we have to discuss,” Kara said after the tense silence grew too much for her. Lena nodded, waiting expectantly for her to continue. “I would see us honest and open about everything, as we have always been with each other, for the most part.”

 

            “Of course,” Lena quickly agreed.

 

            Kara hesitated, unsure what to say next as she stared at Lena. A part of her just wanted to throw herself at Lena, like she would’ve done only months ago, to kiss her and hold her, and she wrestled with the side of her, for she wasn’t that person anymore, and too much had changed for her to just let things go back the way they had been. At a loss of words, Kara just blurted out the first thing that came to mind, “how did you sleep last night?”

 

            Lena let out a laugh, and the tension seemed to dissipate slightly at the ridiculousness of the situation. “Better than I have in months, but not as well as I have before.”

 

            Taking in the slightly lighter circles beneath Lena’s eyes, Kara nodded. She had slept better too, although had been woken frequently by the babies cries to be fed. The nurse had suggested keeping the baby in the nursery that Kara herself had slept in as a baby, but Kara had refused. She would not let her heir leave her side – not yet. “And you are settling back in well?”

 

            “Quite well.”

 

            “Good. And you are not too badly hurt from capturing my uncle?”

 

            “No.”

 

            Sighing, Lena drank some of her tea and then set the cup down. “Kara, please, just say what you will. If you must vent your anger, then let us go somewhere where the baby will not be woken, just please, speak plainly, I beg of you.”

 

            “You left. You swore an oath and then you cast me aside as if I was no more than a plaything that had lost your attention. I am a _queen_ , Lena, and you just up and left because there was a coup that you did _not_ instigate. In fact, if anyone was going to leave, it should’ve been _me_ , but I had faith that we were meant to be together, and so I didn’t send you away. I kept you close – closer than I should’ve. I _wed_ you, against the advice of everyone I know. I eloped with you as if I was _ashamed_ , when I would’ve invited everyone in the kingdom to witness me tie myself to you, just so that they could see my love for you, and know not to doubt it. But no, we wed in secret, and _still_ that was enough for me, because I had you as my wife. After all the times we have almost died, or something had tried to keep us apart … we were _finally_ together, fully and completely, and that one time was just one time too many? _I don’t buy it._ You were cowardly and weak, and everything you have _never_ been. I could understand why you betrayed me the first time, for we were at war and you were desperate to try and help keep us all safe, but this time … there was no war, most of us were dead, and you were not desperate. It might’ve been difficult for you, and I will not belittle that pain, for I know how much it hurt me, but it _did_ hurt, Lena. I forgive you, but I will not act like I understand why, for I do not, and to use the excuse that you loved me enough to turn your back on me … that is not good enough. You were too scared to fight for us, and that is that.”

 

            “It’s true … every word,” Lena said, feeling ashamed of herself. “I will not insult you by saying that I would take back my actions if I had the chance to do things over, for I would not. I might’ve been a coward, but I believe I was doing what I thought best. I loved you enough to let you go.”

 

            “What _you_ _thought_ best,” Kara snapped, wincing as her words came out louder than she had intended. She cast a worried look over at the cot, pausing for a moment to make sure she had not disturbed the baby, before turning back to Lena. “Our vows were taken _together_. Our marriage was between _both_ of us, and you made that decision for me. I _commanded_ you not to, as your queen, and you didn’t listen. I have never commanded you before, for it has always been your decision, and that is why I didn’t send anyone after you. I would’ve, but Alex reasoned with me, and I realised that she was right. You made your decision, and in that moment, I lost you forever.”

 

            Lena swallowed the lump in her throat, wincing slightly at the last few words. “Forever?”

 

            “There is a part of both of us that will be forever changed,” Kara bitterly said, “and you may not like the parts of me that are left behind.”

 

            “I have always loved every part of you,” Lena quietly said, “your flaws, your imperfections … everything about you. I always have, and I am sorry for tarnishing the memory of our love, for you could not have loved me better, and I spoiled it all.”

 

            “And despite everything, I still love you. I’m mad, and rightly so, but I _do_ forgive you. One day, I hope that we can make it back to where we were before, because I have lived without you, and I know that I do not want to do it again.”

 

            “So you _do_ see some sort of future for us?”

 

            Kara gave her a small smile, “I do. I’m not sure in what capacity … things are different now. I have a child, and my kingdom is more important to me than ever. I would not ask you to bear my responsibilities so that we can be together, but I cannot let you go. Perhaps that is selfish, to have nothing to offer you, but not allow you to go, but I could not bear to watch you leave again. I couldn’t do it.”

 

            Lena returned the smile slightly, “you once told me that I could offer you a love that you would risk everything for, and you have … now it is my turn to risk everything for you. Tell me what I can do to make it up to you, and I will see it done. I would travel to Bokos, to the Isle of Thieves, and fetch back all the treasures that Az-Rel hid there. I would cross the Boiling Sea, to the Shrine of the Three Kings and bring you back the infamous Adder stone so that its charms may protect you from harm. I-I’ll-“

 

            “Do none of those things, because you do not have to prove your love,” Kara gently told her, an amused smile playing on the corners of her lips, “I know it is there, I know you did not leave for a lack of love – quite the opposite, as you have said – and all I would ask of you is time. I-I’m not sure how much time, but please, be patient with me. I am … confused, and not as I once was. My mind is still trying to process everything that happened, and I fear that a part of me is still recovering from when I was on Daxam. This has all been … too much.” She frowned as she spoke, lost in conflicting thoughts that confused her.

 

            “You have every moment of my time,” Lena swiftly assured her, “no matter how long it takes. You have my heart, my soul, and everything that I am and can give you. Nothing I can do will repair what I have done, but I will try to make amends.”

 

            Kara climbed to her feet, waving Lena to sit back down when she tried to scramble to her feet, and she rounded the small table between them and sat down beside Lena on the sofa. There was a small space between them, and with a slight hesitation, Kara reached across it and slowly picked up Lena’s hand, holding it in her own. It was the first time they had touched since Lena had left, and she held her breath as Kara reached out with her other hand and pinned hers between both of them, holding it carefully. Looking into Lena’s green eyes, Kara was surprised to see tears, and she gave her a small smile as she gave her hand a slight squeeze. It was warm beneath Kara’s touch, and on Lena’s index finger was the small golden ring of House El that Kara had given her on her birthday, and Kara smiled slightly, running one finger over the engraved gold. After a moment, she placed Lena’s hand back in her lap and reached out for a strawberry tart.

 

            “All of your things are as you left them. Anything else you desire is yours for the taking, as always,” Kara told her, “and you will be present at the next council meeting. Let us start there.”

 

            Lena seemed to sag in relief, giving Kara a smile filled with love and a yearning, but she sat still, even though she ached to reach out and pull Kara into her arms. She had promised her time, and with that came space, and Lena wouldn’t push her for anything more than Kara was willing to give her. It pained her for them to be so distant from each other, especially after everything they’d been through and all the things they’d done, but she was sat beside Kara, and that in itself was the sweetest gift she could’ve been given. A small part of her finally understood why Kara believed the Gods had a plan, for they had led her right back to Kara’s side, where she belonged, and now she had made a blood oath to never leave it, and even the Gods couldn’t tear them apart now.

 

            Taking a bite of the tart, Kara looked at Lena, her face softening slightly as she relaxed a little. Months of keeping herself locked away had taken its toll on her, and she wasn’t ready to jump straight back into things with Lena, but things between them had always been so effortless, and they still were. “May I ask what you have been doing while you were … gone?”

 

            “I returned to Thorul, as I told you. I stayed there, for the most part, learning all I could of the sciences. The last time I had been to my family’s seat and had the time to learn with the scholars, I had been sixteen, and you know how much I have always loved the sciences. I-I thought that perhaps if I could not be with you, I could learn as much as I could and use my knowledge to help better the kingdom for you. When I received your letter appointing me as Mistress of the Science Guild, I redoubled my efforts so that I could have something – anything – to offer as recompense. I learnt from the blacksmiths, the engineers, the alchemists, healers, arithmeticians … anyone who could offer me a distraction. I have learnt much, and I learnt about myself too. I know what I am capable of, what I can do best, and what I must work harder at. It has been … enlightening, I guess it could be said. A journey of self-discovery, and I would think I know myself better because of it.”

 

            “Then I am glad you do not regret leaving,” Kara said, and she meant it too. For Lena to tell her that she wished she hadn’t left would’ve been a slap in the face, and she had been glad that Lena hadn’t lied to her about not regretting leaving, and she was glad that Lena had benefited from her time away, even if it had been painful for them both. “In some ways I guess being apart from you was enlightening for me too. There was much that I was still too weak to do, and now I know that weakness is not an option … I have learnt how to be the queen that everyone pushed me to be. Perhaps it was not the way I wanted to learn, but I learnt nonetheless. Perhaps we were always meant to be apart … you know I believe the Gods have a plan for us; this was just a part of that plan.”

 

            Lena nodded, picking up her tea and taking a sip. “Then I am glad they saw fit to bring us back together. Although, I should really give thanks to your sister for being the one to actually do it. Your sister … you banished her from court?”

 

            “A protective measure, for my uncle was still out there and the number of my loved ones grew smaller still. I would thank you again for bringing him to me … it feels like closure, for my parent’s deaths, and for myself. I am glad to have my sister returned to my side, knowing that she will be safe for now … and you. I hope she was not too harsh on you, and I am sorry if you feel like she forced this decision upon you.”

 

            “She was no harsher than necessary, although I am glad I was spared the embarrassment of being dragged back by my hair, as she threatened to do so,” Lena said, laughing quietly, “I am grateful to her. She made me see sense, and I think that I would not have had the courage to come back myself if she had not come to drag me back.”

 

            Kara sighed softly, shaking her head as she tried not to smile, “that girl … she has always done as she pleased. I did not even give her permission to return, and she came back with _you_ and told _me_ that she would not leave, even if it meant that I had to put her in the dungeons. She has ever been the one to reason with me, and I am glad for it, for I would have made some terribly foolish decisions if I had not listened. In fact, I _have_. She did try to keep me away from you though.”

 

            “Perhaps not listening to her then was the most foolish decision you ever made,” Lena snorted, giving Kara a tight smile.

 

            “No,” Kara quietly told her, “that was the only time she was ever wrong. She didn’t know you, she didn’t grow up with you. It was easy for her to dismiss my love for you, for she had not spent days running through fields of flowers, skipping rocks on the ocean and hiding from our tutors. It didn’t take long for her to come around though, and I believe that she would’ve quite literally dragged you back by your hair if you didn’t willingly cooperate. My sister … she is quite stubborn.”

 

            “I hadn’t noticed,” Lena dryly replied, and Kara let out a quick laugh, her chest feeling lighter as a feeling of delight swept through her. They were laughing and joking as they had used to, and that in itself was something that Kara had never dared to dream of doing again. “It must run in the family.”

 

            Kara dusted a few crumbs off her lap, smiling slightly. “I think … perhaps being adopted myself, it has made me more willing to raise my cousin’s child as my own. I have my doubts, but I think that to give her a new family like I was given … it will be the greatest gift I could ever give her. Not a crown, or gold, but love.”

 

            “I am sure you will raise her well,” Lena said, her eyes travelling over to the cot beside Kara’s bed. She looked back at Kara, who was smiling as she followed Lena’s line of sight and gazed at the crib with a look of adoration. She met Lena’s stare, and shrugged slightly at the look of mild surprise.

 

            “Perhaps I have not become as tough as I had thought,” Kara laughed, “she has me wrapped around her little finger already. I fear that I shall end up spoiling her if I soften too much.”

 

            Lena tilted her head to the side, her lips curling into the barest hint of a smile. “You are still my Kara.”

 

            “I have always been yours, and you are still my Lena.”


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're not back to how they were just yet, but ...

            “You are looking better,” Alex said, striding into Kara’s chambers and making her way over to the sofa, where Kara was sat reading while Lena embroidered an indistinguishable pale blue piece of fabric with forget-me-nots in a darker blue thread. The two girls looked up, and Kara raised her eyebrows at her sister, before glancing back down at the parchment she was reading from. She scratched at the page with a quill, making a few corrections to the trade agreement.

 

            “And who might you be talking to?” she said, smiling as she placed the quill back into the inkpot, glancing back up at Alex.

 

            Her sister let out a quick laugh, “both of you. You look like you’ve been sleeping better lately, despite the baby, and you,” she rounded on Lena, “look less like you were dragged through a bush backwards and fought off a hoard of Nightwing’s. Although I suppose you _threw_ yourself into the fight against Non, so you brought that on yourself. _But_ you wouldn’t have gotten so scratched up if you’d just lopped his head off yourself.”

 

            Lena shrugged, pulling the thread through the fabric as she looked up at Alex. “Well it _has_ been a month, you know, and it wasn’t my kill.”

 

            “You’re both so odd,” Alex snorted, “bringing each other family members to execute. It’s not my idea of a romantic gesture, but then again, you nobles have always cracked.”

 

            “Did you just come here to irritate me, sister, or was there a purpose?” Kara sighed, even though her eyes sparkled with amusement.

 

            Scoffing, Alex walked over to the basket on the sofa next to Kara, looking down at the tiny baby who was curiously staring up at her. “You? I came here for my niece, dear sister. What kind of aunt would I be if I didn’t spoil her with attention, hm?” Kara laughed as she watched Alex pick Lara up, cradling her in her arms and smiling at her, and Lena looked at Kara, watching the way her face lit up. There were still moments where she was closed off and so different to the Lena knew, but in moments like this, it was almost as if nothing had changed. “She’s going to be a warrior like her aunt.”

 

            “Lucy has always been more drawn to the law, sister,” Kara said, a smile playing on her lips.

 

            Alex gave her an exasperated look, “well, _I_ am more inclined towardsthe military, and she can be more than one thing, wouldn’t you agree, Lena?”

 

            Starting slightly, Lena looked away from Kara, looking slightly flustered at being caught staring. “Oh, um, well yes, a woman can be many things. Intellect is just as important as physical strength.”

 

            “And _love_ and _kindness_ are important too!” Kara added, “I would have her be a good person before anything else.”

 

            “I’m sure she will be,” Lena gently assured her, giving her a small smile.

 

            Alex watched as Lena glanced warily at the baby, and she took a step forward, offering the bundle of blankets to her. “Would you like to hold her?”

 

            Panic flashed across Lena’s face, and she shifted in her seat, fiddling with the cloth she was embroidering. “I, um … I think  am quite alright for now, thank you.”

 

            “What, you don’t like babies?”

 

            “Not particularly, no,” Lena curtly replied, “although I’ve never been close enough to one to know.”

 

            “Hm,” Alex hummed, readjusting Lara in her arms, and sitting down beside her. “Well, they’re not as scary as you might think.”

 

            Lena scoffed, shooting Alex a grimace, “I’m not _scared_ of them, I just … they’ve never appealed to me before. They’re … loud, and they don’t do much.”

 

            “You look terrified to be sat beside me,” Alex laughed, and Lena huffed, reaching out to gently pull the blanket down a little, a thoughtful look on her face as she took in the tiny face, the shock of black hair, and the blue eyes that were looking up at Alex. Raising her eyebrows at Alex, she pulled the blanket back into place and then started sewing again. Leaning in close, Alex smiled as she said in a carrying whisper, “you’re still scared of her.”

 

            Huffing in frustration, Lena set aside her embroidery and held her hands out expectantly. “Give her here then.”

 

            “Alex, Kara sighed, “stop goading her.” Lena was hesitantly reaching out though, a determined look on her face, and Alex helped carefully shift the baby into Lena’s arms. Gingerly holding her, Lena bounced Lara in her arms, watching as the baby shifted in the blankets, nestling down in Lena’s arms as she yawned.

 

            “She’s so small,” Lena said, frowning slightly, and Kara and Alex laughed. With a feeling of panic, Lena watched as the blue eyes vanished beneath closing eyelids, and the baby fell asleep. Unsure how to feel about it, Lena held the baby out to Alex. “I-I don’t think I’m holding her right. You should put her back in her basket.”

 

            Without a word, Alex took the bundle off her and climbed to her feet, gently putting Lara down so that she could sleep, and Lena looked up at Kara, who was staring at her with a tender look on her face. Lena gave her a tiny smile, before she reached over for the fabric and busied herself with her sewing once more. Kara kept watching her though, her head tilted to the side as she watched Lena stitch the tiny flowers with care, and thinking about the way she had gently cradled the baby’s head. It was strange to her; she hadn’t expected Lena to be comfortable around the baby, and that was fine, because Lena hadn’t asked for a daughter, so to see Lena _hold_ her, it made Kara feel a rush of warmth towards her. Over the past four weeks, she had warily stood off to the side and watched as Kara, or Alex, Eliza and Lucy, fussed over Lara, never getting close enough to touch her, and always looking slightly panicked whenever the baby cried. Kara understood why though, for she knew that Lena had always associated children with her arranged marriage – something she never wanted – and the precarious relationship with her mother was yet another deterrent. Kara would never force Lena to care for Lara, but to see her hold her for the first time, it made Kara’s heart flutter at the thought.

 

            “Has Lucy come to see her today?” Alex asked, sitting back down and stealing a cake from the plate.

 

            Kara sighed, reaching for her tea and taking a sip. “Yes, she stopped by for a few minutes after breakfast. She’s trying, for the baby’s sake, as well as Lois’, but it is hard for her though.”

 

            Grimacing, Alex took a bite of her cake, “of course it is. To lose one’s sister would be unimaginably painful. Well … I can somewhat imagine, but you actually came _back_ , but to know that her sister won’t … I pity her.”

 

            “It has been a little over a month, I would not expect her to be coping just yet. I understand why she has asked me to take the baby, for I don’t think she would be able to care for her and grieve at the same time. Those few moments a day with her, I think they are all she can bear at the moment.”

 

            “I think that everyone would agree that it’s what’s best for the baby,” Lena said, threading the needle through the thick cotton. She looked up to see Kara and Alex looking at her, and she shrugged self-consciously. “Forgive me if I overstep in this family matter, but I do not think there would be anyone who could offer her more than you could.”

 

            “Well, look who’s showing concern for a _baby_ ,” Alex said, smirking at Lena, who made a rude gesture in return as she shot her an exasperated look.

 

            “I am not so cold that I would wish a baby ill fortune,” Lena scoffed, shooting Alex a dark look, “she is a child, and the princess. I pray that the Gods bless her, and I am sure that she will be spoilt by all who are privileged to be in her presence … if your sister has anything to say about it.”

 

            Kara smiled at Lena, “perhaps I should make it a law.”

 

            “Well, no one would want to disobey a direct command off their queen,” Alex quipped, and Lena stiffened in her seat, pressing her lips together in a thin line. Kara blinked in surprise at the joke, and a small smile spread across her face and her eyes crinkled at the corners.

 

            “Few people would be so brazen,” Kara said arching an eyebrow slightly.

 

            “And those who _are_ , do so only because we try to help,” Alex said, popping the last bite of her cake into her mouth as she gave her sister a warm smile, “now, I promised Maggie we’d go riding out to the Striped River so we could swim, and I would be wise to not keep her waiting. If you’ll excuse me, sister, Lady Lena.”

 

            Alex gave them both a smile and walked over to the door, leaving them alone as she went off to fetch her lover. Once the door had been shut behind her, Kara looked at Lena and gave her a small smile. “You should ignore my sister’s jibes,” Kara told her, “she thinks herself funnier than she is, and does not mean to cause offence.”

 

            “It is quite alright,” Lena quietly assured her, “and she speaks truly … I would like to think.” Tying off the blue thread, Lena set aside the needle and held the pale blue piece of embroidered cloth up, shaking it out slightly until the distinct shape of a dress could be seen. Lena smiled as she admired the handiwork of the embroidered flowers and the sigil on the chest of the dress. “What do you think? A little dress for the princess.”

 

            Kara blinked in surprise, as understanding dawned on her face. She had been spending more time with Lena since her return, both of them fumbling along as they tried to repair their relationship doing menial tasks together in quiet companionship. Kara had watched Lena stitch away at the fabric for hours, just as she had before, when Lena would make her handkerchiefs or decorate their plainer clothes with more elaborate patterns. She hadn’t realised what Lena had been doing, and Kara felt her heart soften slightly as she looked at the tiny blue dress with the House of El crest on the front, and the hopeful look in Lena’s eyes as she looked at Kara expectantly.

 

            “It’s perfect,” Kara said, reaching out for the dress. Her fingers gently brushed against Lena’s, and she gave her a soft smile as she drew back, running her fingers over the tiny little forget-me-nots carefully sewn. “Thank you.”

 

            Lena nodded, packing away all of her needle and different coloured threads into the sewing basket beside her. She rummaged around in it for a few moments, coming up with a carefully folded piece of white cloth and handed it over to Kara as well. Accepting it with a curious look on her face, Kara unfolded it to look at the same flowers embroidered on two opposite corners, one with the sigil of House El wrought in gold and red, and a golden ‘K’ in the opposite corner. Smiling wider, Kara refolded the cloth. “It’s beautiful, thank you.”

 

            “I really _am_ sorry, Kara.”

 

            “I know,” Kara told her, “you don’t have to keep saying it. Thank you though, for trying. I know it’s not … easy. I-I’ve been thinking lately though, about how much everything has changed … it has changed us both.” Lena nodded, her throat bobbing as she swallowed the lump in her throat. “It hasn’t changes _us_ though.”

 

            The relief was visible as Lena exhaled sharply, her shoulders dropping and her fingers letting go of the fistfuls of her dress that she’d grabbed, expecting the worst. She nodded, smiling slightly at Kara. “I won’t lie, Kara … I am afraid.”

 

            “Why?”

 

            “Because everything that I’ve ever dreamed of is _so_ close. It’s almost within reach, and in time, I hope that we can make it back to there, but … I’m frightened that a love like ours won’t last forever. What if we’ve changed too much to be happy together as we once were? What if I have ruined things beyond repair?”

 

            Kara climbed to her feet and rounded the low table, kneeling before Lena as she gave her a small smile. Hesitating, she reached out and placed a hand on Lena’s knee, “we seem to come back to here all the time, and now that I have you back, I won’t let you go again. You … you are _it_ for me, and I think that we _could_ last forever. Rao's halls are eternal, Lena, and there is still yet hope that we will be happy together for some years before then, if the Gods are willing. Some things are lost, but not _us._ I-I don’t know what we should do, but … please don’t go.”

 

            “I can’t,” Lena whispered, looking down at Kara’s hand on her knee, “we might be hopelessly doomed, but I couldn’t leave again. I will see this through to whatever end.”

 

            Climbing to her feet, Kara sat down next to Lena, biting her lip as she picked her words carefully. “The baby …”

 

            “Your daughter needs you,” Lena quickly said, giving Kara a half-smile, “she is the most precious thing in the kingdom right now. She is the future of us all.”

 

            “But you-“

 

            “Will be okay. I have felt how it feels to be yours, and I would not let anything come between us again. Never. I-It doesn’t matter where we go from here, I am _in_ , in whatever capacity you will have me. You said it will take time, and I-I will be as patient as you need me to be … but I _will_ be here, Kara, and I would _never_ make you choose between loving me and raising a child. Before you might’ve picked me – in fact you _did_ when you decided to wed me – but now, I know you would pick your … daughter. I would not begrudge you that choice either, but I would not have you make it, if you will let me.”

 

            Kara frowned slightly, her mouth tugging down at the corners as she pressed her lips together. She sighed, meeting Lena’s gaze, and her face softened as she gave her a smile, leaning back onto the pillows on the sofa. “Of all the pretty girls and boys in the kingdom, why did it have to be you that holds my heart? I think … perhaps, I was made for loving you.”

 

            Tears prickled in Lena’s eyes, and she let out a shaky breath as she looked at Kara, aching to reach out and touch her. _Too soon_ , she reminded herself, and blinked back her tears. “Then I will make sure that I am deserving of it.”

 

            “You are,” Kara firmly told her, “of that I am sure of, or else, I would not have waited almost all my life for you. If I am to raise my daughter, I would have you by my side. I understand that I may be asking too much of you, and have made you wake with nothing in return for your patience, but I don’t want to do this without you. I _can_ do it, make no mistake about it, but I don’t _want_ to. I will not jump in blindly as we have in the past, but I truly believe that we will be together completely again, as we were once before. Just a little more time is all I ask. I know you have never wanted children, but …”

           

            “I never wanted children with _Jack_ ,” Lena quietly corrected her, stressing his name, and Kara nodded, giving her a smile.

 

            “Then I need to know,” Kara said, “are you in this with me? Entirely, completely, wholly.”

 

            “I am. With a little more time … yes. Completely.”


	57. Chapter 57

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's starting to wrap up now, so only a few more chapters left

            Another month passed, and Kara grew used to having a baby to dote on, feeling her old self come back slightly as she cooed and laughed at every single thing Lara did. She didn’t think she could love the baby anymore, and as her heart and mind was filled with thoughts of her new daughter, she found it easier to be with Lena. Softening slightly, Kara found it easier to laugh with Lena, and to smile and do the things they used to do together without the nervous wariness that had filled them for weeks after Lena’s return. Things were still a bit tense, but the stiffness began to fade, until Kara found herself instinctively reaching out to touch Lena on the arm to get her attention as they passed a beautifully blooming flower on a walk through the gardens, or to whisper a comment about one of the guests at court.

 

            Things weren’t always good though.

 

            Kara was cradling Lara in her arms, dressed in the pale blue dress Lena had sewn for her, and was gently rocking her as the baby fell asleep. The door creaked open behind her as she went to lower her down into the cot, and she smiled as Lena poked her head in, visibly relaxing when she saw that Lara was asleep.

 

            “She’s sleeping, good,” Lena quietly said, trying to be quiet as she shut the door behind herself. Walking away from the cot, Kara crossed the room and sat down on the sofa, watching as Lena settled down opposite her.

 

            “I just got her down,” Kara said, casting a look back across the room. She turned back around and saw a wary look on Lena’s face as she looked towards the cot too, and frowned at her as Lena met her gaze.

 

            “What is it?” Lena asked, her eyebrows rising slightly at the crinkle between Kara’s eyebrows. She seemed to frown more these days than Lena was used to, and she didn’t like to see her face wrinkle in concern or worry, and she would’ve smoothed the lines away if she dared to touch Kara so casually.

 

            The frown line deepened a little, and Kara hesitated as she stared at Lena. “I just … you never seem very happy when she is awake. You are constantly on edge, giving her wary glances and looking panicked whenever you are in the same room as her.”

 

            Lena’s eyebrows rose even higher as she blinked in surprise; she hadn’t expected those words to come out of Kara’s mouth. “Well, I suppose it is because I do not know what to do with her when she _is_ awake. At least when she sleeps, she lays in her cot.”

 

            Sighing and running a hand through her golden curls, Kara gave her a tight smile. “Lena, I know you said you needed more time but you were in, but … you don’t want this, do you?”

 

            “What?!” Lena spluttered, quickly dropping her voice when she remembered the baby was still asleep. “You think that I do not like the baby, is that it?”

 

            Kara stiffly nodded, her expression hardening into an expressionless mask as she looked at Lena. “You do not hold her; you do not talk to her or touch her. You barely even look at her. I told you that I would not ask you to do this if you did not want a child, but you said you were in, and I hoped that as things mended themselves between us, you would grow closer with her too. We are fixing things – slowly, perhaps – yet you have no attachment to Lara. I do not think you are trying hard enough.”

 

            A look of hurt flashed across Lena’s face, quickly replaced with anger. “I am not _trying_ enough? No, I am _not_.” Looking surprised at the admission, Kara blinked and just stared at her in silence, waiting for Lena to continue. “Do you think this is easy for me?” she fiercely whispered, “to agree to raise a baby with someone else, and not have the time to grow used to it because the baby is _already_ here, and that in itself is _not_ the problem. The problem is that - you said it yourself - that you _hope_ that one day we will get back to where we once were. _Hope_. I agreed that I was completely, entirely and wholly in, and I swore a blood oath that I will never leave your side again, and all you asked for in return was time. That time is for you to guarantee that _you_ are sure I am what you want, and I have been patient, but I cannot love this child if I am unsure about our future.”

 

            “You’re unsure?”

 

            “No!” Lena quietly exclaimed, “I _am_ sure! More sure than I have ever been, which is why I cannot love this child. If you … if this isn’t what you want, and I spend months holding her, and loving her and letting myself grow attached … it will kill me to lose the both of you. I am sorry that you think that I am not _trying_ hard enough, but I promised that I was in this with you, and yes, perhaps I have broken promises before, but I would not have agreed unless I was sure. Am I so untrustworthy now that you would condemn me for not leaping at the chance to be a mother, without _any_ certainty that I will be able to raise her as mine? If you cannot be upfront about what you desire, then I shall give you some space to think things over.”

 

            Lena climbed to her feet with a wounded look on her face, and Kara leapt to her feet, feeling a twinge of guilt. Of _course_ it was wrong of her to expect Lena, who had never wanted a baby, and was being patient as Kara slowly let herself grow attached to her again and let herself heal, to blindly leap into caring for a child. Kara had hoped that Lena would bond with Lara while they spent time together though, and it made things difficult for Kara to watch her sit by with a panicked look on her face whenever the baby was in close proximity.

 

            “Space?!” Kara sharply whispered, “and what good will space do? Us being apart was _exactly_ the thing that got us into this mess, Lena! How in Rao’s name could you think that I would want you to distance yourself even _more?_ I understand that what I asked of you is frightening, but I need some assurance that you can raise this child with me. I need to know that when I am ready, you will be ready for this family too. You cannot have me without her, and I am sorry to say that to you, but it is true, and you know I will put her before anything else. I have changed, and I cannot put you before my family and my kingdom anymore.”

 

            “I know that!” Lena hissed, her frustration growing.

 

            “I just need to be _sure_ , I need to know that I will not have regrets later on.”

 

            Lena let out a sharp laugh, biting her lip as her eyes burned with the threat of tears. “Regrets? You would regret loving me?” she asked, her voice wobbling slightly.

 

            Sighing, Kara pinched the bridge of her nose, “Lena-“

 

            “No, it’s fine,” Lena said, hesitating slightly, “I’m supposed to be meeting with your sister to discuss new metal for breastplates. I should not keep her waiting.”

 

            Kara quietly called after her, but Lena slipped out of the room, leaving Kara alone with a sleeping Lara. With a sigh, Kara walked over to her desk, flopping down into her chair and pulling a stack of papers towards her. Frustrated and irritated, she began to furiously scribble at the reports and treaties, making corrections to trade agreements and old laws she was considering amending. She didn’t move for the rest of the morning.

 

\---

 

            The sun was high overhead when the door opened again, and she turned around in her seat, expecting it to be the baby’s nurse, but blinked in surprise when she saw Lena walking towards her with a determined look on her face. Kara opened her mouth to say something, but Lena just pulled her up out of her chair.

 

            “Lena, what are you-“

 

            “Just take my hand,” Lena ordered her, and Kara slipped her hand into hers without question, lacing their fingers together. Pulling her from the room, Lena told one of the guards to fetch the baby’s nurse, before pulling Kara through the castle.

 

            They received a few raised eyebrows at their linked hands, and whispers could be heard behind them once they had passed by, yet Kara felt elated. A few times Kara asked Lena where they were going, but she was met with a shush or a mysterious answer, but it wasn’t long before Lena was leading her through the main doors of the castle and out into the middle of the vast courtyard. Kara laughed as she took in the endless sea of poppies strewn around the courtyard, carpeting the flagstone floor. In the middle was a space free of the flowers, and Kara looked at the dozen chests and barrels in the clear circle, and the massive monolith that stood in the middle of them all.

 

            Lena gave her hand a quick squeeze, pulling her closer to them, and as Kara gazed upon the grey stone, taller than she was, she ran a finger over the glyphs carved into it, smiling as she realised what the foreign words meant.

 

            “The Adder stone,” Lena proclaimed, giving Kara a lopsided smile, “you would not let me cross the Boiling Sea and retrieve it from the Shrine of the Three Kings, so I sent my own men to fetch it for me. Now, you shall be protected from ill fortune by the luck this stone is supposed to bestow.”

 

            Kara let out a surprised laugh, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she looked at Lena in amazement. Turning her attention to the barrels and chests, Kara arched an eyebrow at Lena, “and in these?”

 

            With her free hand, Lena leant down to open up one of the thick iron-banded chests, revealing a pile of jewels bigger than Kara’s fist, and then opened the top of one of the barrels, filled to the brim with gold and silver coins, and then another chest, which was filled with jewellery and goblets, encrusted in pearls and diamonds and other rare gemstones and precious metals. Kara’s mouth fell open at the sheer wealth before her, and she looked at Lena with wide eyes.

 

            “You also wouldn’t let me go to the Isle of Thieves, so I had my men go and retrieve as much of Az-Rel’s stolen treasure that they could bring back, without any of them being slaughtered by the criminals inhabiting Bokos. They left the day you told me I didn’t need to go and bring you these treasures, because I _wanted_ to bring them to you. I know you said that they would not make up for what I have done, and I don’t mean for them to, but I wanted you to know that I _would_ do anything to make it up to you. I would have gone myself if you have permitted it, but this was the next best thing I could think of to prove it.”

 

            Closing the lids, Lena started to lead Kara away from the treasures and the massive rock, and she led them through a side door into the castle, and straight out the other side, picking up speed as she pulled her across the lawn. Smiling, Kara knew where they were going, and she followed along eagerly, holding tightly onto Lena’s hand as she stepped over twigs and crumpled leaves beneath her feet. The trailing branches of the willow tree came into view, and Lena parted them with one hand, letting go of Kara’s hand and giving her a gentle nudge through so that she could take in the blankets spread out beside the trunk of the tree, a basket of food waiting for them. Settling down on the blankets, Lena patted the spot beside her, and Kara sank to her knees, watching as Lena started to pull out all manners of foods.

 

            A slow smile spread across her face, her dimples appearing, as she held up a honey cake for Kara. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. I _am_ in.”

 

            Letting out a breathless laugh, Kara reached out to cup Lena’s face, running her thumb along her high cheekbone as Lena sat as still as a statue, hardly daring to breathe. It was the most intimate gesture they had shared since her return, and Kara felt desire stirring within her as she stared deeply into Lena’s eyes. Slowly, she pulled her hand back, feeling the walls around her heart harden as she tried not to let her guard down too quickly. The problem was that she loved Lena; she knew it, Lena knew it, half of the castle knew it by now. The problem was also that she had had her heart _broken_ by Lena, and Kara was determined to be careful this time. She had _doubted_ Lena, and that had hurt her to do, and had hurt Lena to think that she wasn’t trusted, but Kara wanted to make sure that this was going to work this time. It wasn’t just herself she had to worry about now – she had a child. Every decision she made would involve Lara, and she would be put before anything, including Kara’s love for Lena. If they were both fully committed to this, Kara had every intention of marrying Lena again, when they reached that point, and they would raise Lara as _their_ daughter, which meant that there could be no room for doubts. Lena’s gestures right now had set Kara’s mind at ease though, and it was easy for Kara to remember all of those times she had spoken of the big romantic gestures that she wished she could shower Lena with. Lena had done it for her. Not because Kara had doubts, but because she had wanted to show her how much she _did_ love her, despite the fact that she had left.

 

            “I’m sorry for doubting you,” Kara apologised, and Lena accepted the apology with the dip of her head. “I would never regret loving you, and my words did not come out as I meant them. You have my trust, and I believe that you are sincere when you say that you want to raise her with me, as your daughter, and I understand that it is not a decision that you make lightly. I am grateful to you for that.”

 

            Giving Kara a wry smile, Lena picked up a plum from the spread of food, polishing it on the front of her shirt. “I think I have changed more than I thought, for I do not believe I would have even considered raising a child before. I am not surprised though; I would do anything for you … even things that you don’t want me to.”

 

            “We all must make our own decisions, and I could never take that away from you,” Kara said, “but I am glad that you have changed enough of your own volition, that you would even consider raising a child. It lifts a weight off my shoulder to know that I would not have to go through this alone.”

 

            “Of course you won’t,” Lena gently told her, “you have everyone else too, but I understand what you are saying. Besides, I have no doubt that Alex will have her with a sword in hand by the time she is walking, and I could not have her education neglected. Who else would read her the tales of our kingdom and teach her the sciences?” A small smile played at the corners of Lena’s lips, and Kara let out a relieved laugh.

 

            They were really _in_ this together.

 

\---

 

            The rest of the afternoon has been spent beneath the canopy of the willow tree, making the most of the backend of the summer weather and each other’s company. Laying side by side on their backs, they’d stared up at the underside of the branches, the sun filtering down in between, and the gentle breeze rustling the leaves and making the long trailing branches sway back and forth. It was perfect, and Kara was content to lay there basking in the warmth, and the feeling of Lena beside her.

 

            Eventually they had gone back up to Kara’s chambers though, and Lena had watched as Kara had gone straight over to the cot, dismissing the nurse and smiling down at Lara, who was sound asleep. Lena had come up beside her, and smiled slightly as she looked down at the baby, a strange feeling welling up inside her at the thought of this tiny baby being her daughter.

 

            Hesitating, Lena looked up at Kara, an odd look on her face as she spoke, “sh-she almost looks like she was made for us.”

 

            Blinking in surprise, Kara looked down at Lena, giving her a wide smile. She looked back over at the shock of dark hair, just a few shades darker than Lena’s, and beneath the tightly closed eyes were eyes as blue as her own, “she does, doesn’t she?”

 

            Giving Kara a small smile, Lena drifted away from the cot, and Kara realised how late the hour was getting. Only a tiny slither of light was visible on the edge of the horizon as the last rays of sunlight clung to the darkness, and Kara realised with a start that she didn’t want the day to end. It had been perfect; it had been like it used to be. Lena would leave in a moment, and only Kara could make her stay.

 

            “Would you like some wine?” she asked, and Lena nodded immediately. Walking over to the table, she poured them both a goblet full, and her fingers purposely skimmed Lena’s as she handed her a cup. Walking back over to the cot, Kara sat down on her bed, reaching out to ruffle Streaky’s fur as she nosed Kara’s hand. Lena slowly followed after her, precariously perching on the edge of the bed, as if she was unsure whether she should sit or not. “I know I apologised, but I _am_ sorry for earlier. I have been a bit dim witted, and didn’t understand why you weren’t interested in her, but I _do_ understand now. I think that perhaps I have not made myself clear, but I _do_ see us together again, Lena. I cannot imagine my life without you, and I am trying not to rush into it again, but I can feel the walls around my heart coming down whenever I am around you, and it is a struggle to keep them in place.”

 

            “I understand that you must _keep_ them in place, but I won’t hurt you again, Kara, and perhaps you doubted that I am ready to raise a child with you, but I also doubted that we would make it back to where we were. It has only been a couple of months, and I know I should not expect things to mend quickly between us, but I should trust that we will find our way back to each other.”

 

            “We already have,” Kara murmured, “and it takes all of my willpower not to reach out and kiss you right now, for I have never stopped loving you, and it has been months since I have known your touch.”

 

            Lena let out a quiet laugh, “I wouldn’t stop you, but I also know that you need more time, and it’s enough to know that I still have your heart.”

 

            They were silent for a few moments, and the room darkened as the sun set, and the only light came from the flickering flames in the fireplace, bathing their faces in a warm orange light. Kara stared into Lena’s eyes, and she could see all the love and devotion in them, and she knew that they would be okay. All that she was was held in Lena’s eyes, and she knew that no one would ever know the deepest parts of her like Lena did; things would never change for them. They loved each other.

 

            Wriggling back on the bed, Kara set her goblet down on the table beside the bed before she lay back against her pillows. “Will you tell me a story?” she quietly asked Lena, who gave her a small smile, setting her own goblet down and waited for Kara to shuffle across her bed to make room for Lena beside her. They both lay on their backs, their little finger’s barely touching as they lay side by side, yet it made Kara’s heart pound. They had spent many nights wrapped up in each other’s arms in this very bed, yet this felt entirely different; it was intimate and innocent, and she felt nervous for some reason.

 

            It was silent for a few moments as Lena tried to think of one of the many tales she’d read. “Have you heard the tale of the Taliesin’s Bridge? It’s the one that crosses the River Dinas just outside the riverlands near Thorul. It is said that the bridge was built by Cythonna, the last time that she was seen in Krypton.”

 

            “I haven’t,” Kara said, feeling herself relax at the sound of Lena’s soothing voice.

 

            “The goddess of death thought to trick Taliesin into giving her her soul, but she was outwitted …”

 

\---

 

            Kara started awake to the dark room, feeling confused for a moment. She didn’t remember falling asleep, she only remembered listening to Lena talk, first as she told her story, and then as she told another one, and then they fell into conversation, speaking for hours as Kara told her stories about her time at the temple that she hadn’t told her before, and Lena told her of the things she’s learnt at her time in Thorul. Sleep must’ve crept up on her as the hour turned late, lulled into it by the soft sound of Lena’s voice.

 

            The fire was burning low in the fireplace, the embers glowing red, but there was just enough light for Kara to see the dark figure gently swaying beside the bed, near Lara’s cot, and Kara smiled as she listened to Lena’s voice. She was cradling the baby in her arms, and speaking quietly so as not to wake Kara.

 

            “You see, your mother is blessed by Rao, and she has golden hair because she’s been kissed by the sun, but me and you … we’re made for the night. There’s nothing to be afraid of in the dark, is there? Hm? To be sun kissed is to be blessed, _but_ I think that there’s magic to be found in the night - it’s the only time you can see the stars. I’ll teach them to you when you’re older, and your mother will – she loves the stars. This time of night … it’s the _best_ time. Do you hear how quiet it is? Everyone else is sleeping, like _you_ should be, but I don’t blame you for waking up now. The night calls to me too sometimes, it’s the only time I feel close to the gods. Your mother, well, she is always in the godswood, praying beneath Rao’s tree, but he lives in the sky too, and-“

 

            Lena cut off as she heard Kara move on the bed, and she turned around, gently rocking the baby, who was starting to close her eyes again. Kara moved to the edge of the bed, climbing to her feet, and reaching out to gently stroke Lara’s face.

 

            “She started to cry, I didn’t want to wake you,” Lena murmured, explaining herself as she gave Kara a hesitant smile. Lara was comfortably nestled into her arms, and Lena looked a little less wary as she nursed her back to sleep, and Kara tilted her head to the side as she watched Lena rock Lara back and forth. The soft words Lena had been murmuring to her a moment ago came back to Kara, and she bit back a smile, feeling her heart melt a little.

 

            “I didn’t realise you stayed,” Kara told her, “I fell asleep.”

 

            Lena let out a quiet laugh, “as did I. When I heard her crying, it gave me such a fright – I didn’t know where I was for a moment.” Carefully, she lay the baby back down into the cot, covering her with a thin blanket and making quiet hushing sounds when Lara let out a tiny cry. Kara watched the whole thing with interest as Lena got her to settle down, and she gave Lena a warm smile as she stepped away from the cot and looked at Kara. “I should retire.”

 

            She made to walk away, and Kara reached out before she could stop herself, pulling her close. Cupping Lena’s cheek, she rested her forehead against Lena’s, their noses gently bumping, “don’t go. Stay and hold me tonight, please.”

 

            “Okay,” Lena whispered, and Kara let out a breathless laugh, tilting her head to the side. And then they were kissing, and Kara couldn’t get enough of the soft feeling of Lena’s lips beneath her own, and she realised how much she had _missed_ the feeling. It was only a brief kiss, but both of their heart’s were racing when they pulled back a moment later, aching for more, but knowing that this was all they would allow themselves for now.

 

            Pulling the covers back on the bed, Kara slid beneath them, feeling Lena slip in beside her. She jumped slightly at the warm arm winding around her waist, but smiled as she let Lena draw her close, and she rested her head in the crook between Lena’s neck and shoulder. Feeling herself relax into Lena’s touch, surrounded by warmth and love, Kara let her eyes flutter closed again, waiting for sleep to take her again as she listened to the steady beating of Lena’s heart.


	58. Chapter 58

            They were sprawled out on blankets on the lawn behind the castle. The trees of the godswood were rustling in the wind, leaves falling and swirling in the breeze as autumn overtook summer, turning everything to shades or orange and brown. They were making the most of the last warm days before the weather truly turned towards winter, and Kara had her arms folded behind her head as she lay there with her eyes closed, listening to Lena laugh as she tickled Lara.

 

            Over the next two months, things had improved quickly, with Lena confident that Kara wanted to be with her completely. It was almost startling at how quickly she had come to dote on the baby, and Kara loved to watch her with Lara in her arms, smiling and cooing at her, or telling her stories when she started to fuss or cry. Some nights Kara would ask Lena to stay, and they would lay side by side, and when the baby cried, Lena would slip out of bed and soothe her back to sleep, while Kara watched through half-opened eyes, smiling sleepily to herself, and then cuddling up next to Lena when she finally climbed back into bed. It was perfect, and Kara couldn’t stop herself from staring sometimes, her heart fluttering at the sweet moments, and she didn’t think she could love Lena more. It frightened her sometimes, and she felt like she was too willing to rush into things, but she couldn’t stop the feelings, and she wouldn’t even if she could. Kara was happier than she could remember ever being; she had a daughter and her lover, and her kingdom was prospering. All threats of war and starvation were behind them, and everything was as it should be. It almost seemed _too_ perfect, and sometimes Kara had to remind herself to enjoy the happiness, for if it was too good to be true, then at least she would have this time with the those who held her heart.

 

            Which was why as Alex, Maggie and Eliza joined them, fussing over the baby, Kara sat up with a thoughtful look on her face. This was all the family she had, and it was more than enough for her – it was everything she could’ve ever dreamed of – yet she still felt a little heartbroken at all of those who she had lost. There was no way to bring them back to her. “Sister, I must speak with you,” Kara said suddenly, giving Lena’s hand a quick squeeze before she climbed to her feet. Trailing touches and quick kisses had become more frequent between them, and Kara had no qualms about her decision to forgive Lena so quickly. Still, there was a troubling thought on her mind, and she didn’t want to raise it with Lena until she’d had Alex talk some sense into her, as she knew her sister would.

 

            They walked out of earshot, to the shade of the edge of the godswood, and Kara shaded her eyes, smiling as she watched Lena pick up Lara and hold her up for Eliza to fuss over. Her mother liked Lena, and Kara was relieved at the thought of her only being surrounded by those who approved, which is why she was unsure of her thoughts.

 

            “You have both come far in mending your relationship,” Alex noted, smiling at Kara, “I am happy for you, sister. You deserve to have a happy family, a happy life.”

 

            “I would like to think so,” Kara murmured, turning to look at Alex with a sudden urgency in her eyes, “I need you to tell me I am doing the right thing.”

 

            “You are,” Alex blurted out in surprise, her eyebrows rising slightly, “why, do you not think you are?”

 

            Kara hesitated, looking back over at Lena. “Do you think she’ll regret swearing an oath to stay? What if there’s an attack on the castle, and she gets put in danger? She will hate me for it. Or what if this doesn’t work, and I have forced her to become attached to Lara, and she has to lose us both?”

 

            “Okay, Kara, sit down,” Alex told her, sinking down to the base of an elm tree and leaning back against it. “First of all, you have not forced her to do anything. She loves you, beyond a shadow of a doubt. I feel it in my bones. If she was going to regret swearing a blood oath, I doubt she would’ve sworn it, for Lena does not do things idly, and if the castle is attacked, then you will protect her, as you have always done. She may be worried sick, but she knows the risk of staying, and has promised to do so anyway, so now this is up to you. She will not leave you or Lara unless you tell her you do not want he, and even then, she will be forced to stay here and do her duty. Now, what is the problem?”

 

            “She broke my heart, Alex.”

 

            “What could she have done that would have saved your heart from being broken?”

 

            “She could’ve stayed.”

 

            Alex nodded, a solemn look on her face as she looked at Kara. “yes, she could’ve, but she _didn’t_. You have accepted that, and now look, she is playing with your daughter and the two of you are happy. You left me too, you know … well, _I_ was the one who had to leave, but at _your_ insistence. She left and you never thought that you would see her again, and I left and you never thought you’d see me again either. Not me, I knew that I was only going so that I could appease you for a quick moment and bring back your lover, but you pushed me away to keep me safe. How is what she did any different to what you did to me? Guaranteed, you love her in a much different way, but it broke my heart to see you push me away so easily too, even though I knew I would be back. Ask yourself, dear sister, did it hurt you to do that to me?”

 

            “Yes,” Kara whispered.

 

            “Then imagine how hard it was for her to do that to you too,” Alex said. “If I trust that you will not send me away again, without a binding oath, should you not trust that she will not push you away again, when she has sworn not to in the sight of the Gods?”

 

            Exhaling slowly, Kara ran a hand through her curls, her lips quirking up into a grateful smile as she looked at Alex. “Thank you, sister. Without you, I would’ve been lost a long time ago.”

 

            “And dead too,” Alex reminded her with a smirk, climbing to her feet and holding out a hand to pull Kara to her feet. They stood eye to eye, and Alex gave her a reassuring nod, before pulling her into a quick hug. “Do what needs to be done.” With a determined nod, Kara smiled at Alex, and they both walked back over to their family. Maggie was holding Lara up in the air, pulling faces at her while Lena fussed with the bottom of the baby's dress, and Kara let out a quiet laugh. Everyone was enamoured by her, and she couldn't blame them at all. There was nothing their little princess would ever have to want for.

 

\---

 

            It was dark when Kara returned from sending the letter she’d written off with one of the ravens. Lena was handing Lara to the nurse when Kara walked into her chambers, smiling at the gentle way that Lena brushed the short dark curls out of the baby’s face. Lara had already grown so much, and Kara was glad that Lena would be there to watch it all, rather than deciding she was ready when Lara was already walking, or perhaps even later than that.

 

            “Leave us,” Kara told the nurse, “take the princess with you for the night.”

 

            The nurse curtsied slightly, bundling the baby up into her arms and leaving the room with her. Kara knew that she would take her to the nursery that was for the royal children, and that James would accompany her, having taken it upon himself to be his niece’s personal guard – at Kara’s permission – and no harm would come to her.

 

            Lena looked at Kara in surprise, watching as she she her doublet and draped it over the back of a chair, before bracing herself against the table. Slowly walking over to her, Lena laid a hand upon her shoulder, before reaching up to brush Kara’s long hair out of her face. “What troubles you, my love?”

 

            With a sigh, Kara straightened up, taking Lena’s hand in her own – the one with the House of El ring – and pressed a quick kiss to the back of it. “Things have been hard, but I do not wish them to be harder for us,” Kara said, and Lena gave her a puzzled look, her eyebrows drawing together in confusion, “I have written a letter … to you mother.”

 

            “My _mother?!”_ Lena exclaimed, drawing back slightly. “Why in the God’s name’s would you be writing to _her_?”

 

            “Because I would like her to be there when we are wed,” Kara stated matter-of-factly, and Lena blinked in surprise. She picked up Kara’s other hand in her own, tilting her head to the side as she looked at her intently.

 

            “Wed?”

 

            Kara raised one of their entwined hands to brush the back of her own against Lena’s cheek, a small smile playing on her lips. “Do you not think it is time to see this done properly?”

 

            “I would bind myself to you in every way possible, and if you believe it is time, then I would gladly agree. Does my mother really have to be present though?”

 

            “I should think so. She is still you mother, despite whatever else she may be. I have banished her from court, until I give her permission to return, and now I will permit her to return. I have no proof of her treason an-“

 

            “That is a _lie_ , she told me she admitted it to you herself, and you _still_ let her live.”

 

            Letting out an exasperated sigh, Kara gave Lena a reproachful look, “be that as it may, she is your mother. You do not know what it is like to lose a mother – I will not insult you and say that Rhea was – and you do not know it, but it would pain you to lose her. I commanded her to be kinder to you in recompense for her deeds, and now I would ask her to bear witness as her daughter is wed and crowned.”

 

            “Crowned?”

 

            “I mean to make you my equal in every way possible, Lena. You cannot be above me, for I am of royal blood, and you should rightly be crowned princess, but when have I ever done what was expected of me, hm? It will be a marriage of equals, in every respect, and so you will sit beside me, rule beside me, bear the same title as me. Of course, the kingdom will look to me as the rightful ruled of the House of El, but I would have you make decisions _with_ me. We shall do all of this together, Lena.”

 

            “When have you ever done what was expected of you indeed,” Lena muttered, giving Kara a hesitant smile, “I will do as you wish, and resign myself to the fact that my mother will be here. I would have Lara kept away from her though, before she corrupts our daughter.”

 

            Kara pursed her lips in disapproval. “Lena,” she said, her voice a low warning, “you will have to forgive her part in this one day. I have. I would also not deny our daughter another family member, for they are few and far between for her. Let your mother pay for her sins, and pray to the Gods that she will better herself and be worthy enough to be around our daughter. She is no longer the Mistress of the Science Guild, and so it will not be necessary for her to be at court all the time, but on occasion … perhaps she will prove herself a better person and be welcomed here.”

 

            “Let us start with the wedding first,” Lena begrudgingly agreed as she laughed, her heart leaping at the thought. They were getting _married_. A proper wedding this time - no running away to elope like thieves in the night. No one could stop them this time either; they would have to swallow their objections and let their queen do what she may, for she was not as easily swayed as she used to be, and she never had been when it came to Lena.

 

            “Yes, with the wedding,” Kara said, “in two month’s time; before winter makes it hard for the guests to arrive. It will need a lot of planning too, for I intend to make it a grand declaration of my love for you … we have waited long enough to proclaim it before the court, and I would have no one say that it was not lavish enough. You shall have the best of everything – not just in this, but in all things.”

 

            Lena reached up to cup Kara’s face between gentle hands, and then Kara was reaching in to kiss her, pulling Lena closer by the front of her dress. With an urgency that surprised them both, Kara lifted Lena up and set her down on the table, pushing aside the tray of fruits and empty goblets. Tearing open the front of Lena’s dress, Kara kissed a line along her jaw and down to her collarbone as she pushed up the skirts of her dress. Lena tilted her head to the side, her hands scrabbling at Kara’s shirt as she tried to pull it up over her head. Recapturing Lena’s lips with her own, Kara roughly kissed her, knotting her fingers in Lena’s dark hair as she pushed herself up against her as close as possible. Carelessly tearing the plain shift that Lena worse beneath her dress, Kara kicked off her boots and lifted Lena off the table, the scraps of her dress falling away. Carrying her to the bed, Kara gently laid Lena down on top of the blankets, giving her a soft kiss, before she began to place kisses all over Lena’s body, taking her time and savouring the feeling of Lena’s soft skin beneath her hands and lips, and the way that she squirmed beneath Kara’s touch, twining her hands in Kara’s golden curls and digging her nails into her back.

 

            By the time that Kara placed a sweetly soft kiss to Lena’s lips, flipping them over so that Lena lay with her head on Kara’s chest, they were both breathing heavily, and the hour was late. Kara didn’t realise that Lena was crying until she felt a hot tear drip onto her chest. She jumped slightly at the feeling, and lifted her head up off the pillows. “Lena?”

 

            “I’m okay,” she tearfully assured her, her voice trembling as she sniffed.

 

            Pushing herself up on her elbow, Kara brushed Lena’s hair out of her face, tilting her chin up as she looked at the tears sliding down Lena’s cheeks. “D-did I hurt you, my love?” Kara asked, panicking as she wiped away the tears with shaking fingers.

 

            “No,” Lena laughed, sniffing and wiping away a stray tear that Kara had missed, “no, it was incredible. I-I am just overwhelmed with love for you, and I did not mean to spoil things by crying. I just … I love you.”

 

            Kara let out a quiet laugh, "you have spoiled nothing. I have never been happier."

 

            "Nor I."

 

            “And I love you too,” Kara murmured, pushing herself up further so that she could brush her lips against Lena’s in the gentlest of kisses, "more than I have ever loved you, I should think, but not as much as I shall love you tomorrow."

 

            "Then I will patiently await the dawn," Lena said, smiling as she leant in to kiss Kara, "but for now, let us not waste the rest of the night."


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so I cut the epilogue because I thought his was a good place to finish it? unless you would prefer an epilogue and in that case, I'd be happy to finish it as I was planning. anyway this is (unofficially) the end of this fic, and thank you so much for reading it

            Kara had one hand placed firmly on Lena’s lower back as the two of them watched the retinue of horses make their way up the drawbridge, Lena cradling Lara in her arms as she stood in stony silence. Rubbing soothing circles on Lena’s tense back, Kara leant in to kiss her hair, murmuring to her in a low voice, “she cannot hurt you here. I will not allow her to.”

 

            “You never have,” Lena told her, giving her a small smile, even though she was still slightly peeved at the fact that Kara had insisted on her mother being at the wedding. She was unwilling to believe that Lillian _wouldn’t_ try and sabotage the moment for them, and Lena could feel her anxiety rising. “I still don’t see why we had to greet her though. Couldn’t you have summoned her to you later on?”

 

            With a small sigh, Kara cast Lena and exasperated look, “she is to be my mother in a few weeks – well, _again_ – as well as the head of one of the most prominent houses in the kingdom, and I will do my duty and give her the courtesy of receiving her, as it is expected of me. You needn’t talk to her if you do not wish to, and I promise that I shall make up for the whole thing later on.”

 

            A small smile curled the corners of Lena’s lips, which quickly vanished as she scowled at the white horse that pranced into the courtyard. Lillian was sat astride it, her dark hair pinned back and a thin green cloak around her shoulders, and the two girls steeled themselves for the confrontation they were about to have. Dismounting, Lillian walked towards the two girls, pulling off her gloves as her eyes lingered on her daughter’s face and then flickered down to Lara, before landing on Kara’s. Falling to her knees, Lillian bowed her head.

 

            “Your Majesty,” she greeted her, and Kara gestured for her to get up.

 

            “Lady Luthor,” Kara politely addressed her as the woman before her climbed to her feet, “I trust that your journey was pleasant?”

 

            Very much so,” Lillian said, her eyes darting to Lena, “greetings, daughter.” Lena just stared at her in silence, giving her the barest dip of her chin. Lillian had been warmer towards her daughter since her return to Thorul, but that didn’t mean Lena had forgiven her in the slightest, and she doubted she ever would. She was not of the forgiving nature that Kara was. “And this is my granddaughter?”

 

            “Yes,” Kara said, glowing with pride as she looked down at the baby, “Princess Lara Kal-El.” Lillian took a step forward, and Lena moved back slightly, a wary look on her face as she cradled the baby in her arms.

 

            “Really, Lena, you think I would harm a baby?” Lillian huffed, grimacing slightly, and Lena’s eyebrows furrowed into a deep frown as she looked at her mother.

 

            “Not physically, but there are worse harms to be done to the mind,” Lena snarkily replied, “I would not have you poison her thoughts before she can even speak. You will stay away from her; I will not have you sink your claws into her.”

 

            Adding a bit of pressure to Lena’s back, Kara widened her eyes slightly at Lena in a silent warning, biting back a groan at how things were already about to go south because of too many big egos in one place. “How about we ensure that you are given the hospitality rites, hm? Lena, darling, I think it’s time for Lara to be fed. Why don’t you take her up to the nurse and then join us?”

 

            Lena gave her a terse nod, leaning in to give Kara the briefest of kisses before she stormed into the castle with her daughter carefully cradled against her chest. Kara gave Lillian a grim smile before gesturing for her to follow, and the two of them made their way into the castle, with Kara leading them towards one of the small sitting rooms where she’d had food and drink brought for them. Sitting herself down beside the fire, Kara gestured for Lillian to sit, and then reached for a cup and poured them both some wine. She snorted with laughter at the way that Lillian hesitated to make sure Kara drank some of the wine, before she drank some herself.

 

            “No harm will come to you here, Lady Luthor,” Kara told her, giving her a half-smile, “I would hope you will extend the same courtesy to myself and your daughter … and granddaughter. I may not be so quick to steady my hand the next time I itch to remove your head from your shoulders.”

 

            “I shall remember that,” Lillian said, giving her a cool smile, raising her cup to Kara and taking another sip. “Your Majesty … I would ask why you have given me permission to return, if you would permit me to.”

 

            Kara let out a gentle sigh, “to speak plainly, you are my beloved’s mother, and I let you return for the same reasons I let you live. She thinks she doesn’t need you, but I would disagree, and you are her only family. I would not have her regret not having you at our wedding one day, and I think that our daughter deserves to have as much family as we can give her. Although, Lena is hesitant to let you around her … as you have seen.”

 

            “So you are still intent on marrying her then?” Lillian asked, a dissatisfied look on her face.

 

            Kara let out a quiet laugh, “more than ever, and this time, you will not be able to tear us apart. You will be present at the ceremony, and everyone assembled _will_ see how happy you are for your daughter as she is wed and crowned queen. I would think it should not take too much forcing; after all, who would deny their daughter a crown?”

 

            “One who seeks to serve the kingdom,” Lillian sniffed with disapproval.

 

            “And you have served it well,” Kara told her, “now, you have no duties to perform, and neither do I or your daughter. We both have an heir, and my law decrees that she is just as legitimately a part of House Luthor as El. Perhaps we shall adopt another child though, hm? One that will solely inherit your name. Or will a dowry be enough to placate your doubts?”

 

            Lillian blinked in surprise, “I had thought that secretly wedding her once already would have nullified the traditional customs that accompany a marriage. After all, you never asked my permission for my daughter’s hand.”

 

            “I am the queen and she loves me, we never needed your permission,” Kara stiffly told Lillian, “I will do you the courtesy of a dowry though. I have chests of gold and jewels in the treasury that you are welcome to ta-“

 

            “Absolutely _not_!” Lena snapped as she breezed into the room, walking over to the sofa and sitting down beside Kara, giving her a pointed look. “Mother, if you so much as take a single penny off her, I will drag you out of the castle myself and you’ll not see me or your granddaughter ever again.”

 

            Taking Lena’s hand in her own, Kara gave it a gentle squeeze, “Lena, it’s fine. She is entitled to a dowry for your hand, and I would pay any price for it.”

 

            “After all she has done to help sabotage us, she has forfeited her right to pocket your gold. You spared her life for her treason – that is more than a big enough gift, and more than she deserves.”

 

            “I am inclined to agree with my daughter, Your Majesty,” Lillian said, taking them both by surprise. Kara’s eyebrows rose slightly, a question in her eyes, and Lillian continued, “I did not come here seeking compensation for my daughter’s hand – I came for my daughter. And the child. I wish nothing more than to see my house continue, and she is the future of us all.”

 

            Lena opened her mouth to protest but Kara cut her off with a gentle squeeze of her hand. “We have spoken at length of your involvement in our daughter’s life, and your daughter does not wish you to be around Lara. I am more inclined to trust you, but only because you are not my mother and I have no qualms about killing you the second you step out of line.”

 

            “I have no qualms about that either,” Lena muttered as she sulked beside Kara.

 

            Ignoring the comment, Kara continued. “You shall be here for the next two weeks, until the wedding is over, and I will permit you to spend some time with her under my supervision. You will not be permitted to see her without my presence, or the presence of Lena, and as she does not want to be in _your_ presence, then we shall have to make do with just the two of us.”

 

            “Well, then I suppose it’s settled,” Lillian said, giving them both a tight smile. She raised her cup and tilted it towards the couple sat across from her, “to your wedding then. May you both be happy.”

 

            Looking mildly surprised at the sincerity of Lillian’s tone, Kara tilted her cup towards her in a silent toast, and took a sip, before passing her cup to Lena. They lingered a few more minutes, with Kara making attempts at polite talk with Lillian, while Lena sat in brooding silence, picking at a stray thread on her dress, and then Kara excused them both and whisked Lena away from her mother in search of something that would help lift her spirits. In the end, they went upstairs to check on Lara, laying on the bed as they laughed and tickled her, watching her roll and squirm and attempt to crawl. Feeling a bit more at ease, even with her mother lurking about the castle, Lena was happy to lay there with her daughter nestling down to sleep on her chest as Kara read over some of the last minute details for the wedding.

 

            It was only two weeks away.

 

\---

 

            Traditionally, the betrothed couple wouldn’t have been sharing a bed for months before being wed – in more ways that one – so when Kara awoke the day of her wedding, she was confused in her sleepiness as she yawned and stretched, before rolling back over and bundling up under the blankets. She smiled as Lena let her fingers trail down her bare back, and Kara made a quiet groaning sound struggling to open her eyes.

 

            “Good morning, my love,” Lena softly said, her voice warm and slightly amused, “are you ready for today?”

 

            “The sun is not yet risen, so it is not yet the day,” Kara grumbled, her messy curls spilling across the pillows as she shoved her face back into them.

 

            Lena let out a quiet laugh, careful not to wake Lara, and continued to trace swirling patterns over Kara’s smooth skin, leaning down to press a kiss to her shoulder. “Are you dreading our marriage so much?”

 

            Kara’s eyes flew open and she bolted upright, looking at Lena with wild eyes, filled with excitement. “Today? It’s _today!_ ” She tackled Lena back down and began to pepper her face with kisses as Lena laughed.

 

            “It’s today,” Lena murmured in agreement, brushing Kara’s curls out of her face as she hovered above her, and then Kara leant down and captured her lips with her own. In their excitement and happiness, both of them would’ve been content to stay in bed all day, but there was a wedding and coronation to go to. “It’s finally here.”

 

            With a delighted laugh, Kara climbed out of bed, slipping a shirt on and struggling into some leggings. “Then get ready as quickly as possible. I do not wish to be unwed to you for even a moment longer than necessary. I have waited all my life for this.” She crossed the room, her hands outstretched, and she cupped Lena’s face in her hands, smiling as she ran her thumb along a high cheekbone. Leaning down, Kara gave her the softest kiss, her lips lingering slightly longer than planned as she smiled against Lena’s lips.

 

            “Well, I would not wish to keep you waiting any longer, Your Majesty,” Lena said, getting up as she gave Kara a playful smile.

 

            “Making the most of not being on equal footing with me?” Kara asked, wrinkling her nose at Lena as she smiled. “You’ll never have to fake your loyal deference to me ever again.”

 

            “Ah, well, I guess a crown is a sacrifice I’ll have to make if it means I get to be your wife,” Lena said, rolling her eyes as she laughed.

 

            Kara laughed, throwing Lena her shirt and sighing, “go on, to the baths with you! Or if I have to look at you a moment longer, we shall never make it down to the temple.” Pulling on her clothes, Lena gave Kara a mocking curtsy, pausing to stroke Lara’s cheek as she slept, and then was out of the doors. Kara ruffled the fur under Streaky’s chin, laughing as the wolf licked her face, and waited for the nurse to appear to feed Lara.

 

            By the time that Kara made it down to the bathing rooms, the sun was already peeking over the horizon, revealing a sky that was only a few shades of blue away from being white as the cooler weather swept in on the backend of autumn. It wouldn’t be a particularly sunny day, but it would be perfect nonetheless, and Kara was eagerly awaiting the moment that she would bind herself to Lena before the entire city. Slipping into her private bathing rooms, she smiled as she took in the sight of Lena floating on the top of the water with her eyes closed, basking in the warmth of the pool. Stripping off her clothes, Kara tiptoed to the edge of the pool and jumped in. Coughing and spluttering, Lena wiped water out of her eyes and gave Kara an exasperated look.

 

            “Darling, must you do that _every_ time we come to bathe?” Lena sighed, biting back a smile as Kara laughed, ducking her head underwater. She resurfaced and spat a stream of water in Lena’s face, leaving her gasping and muttering curses. “That’s it! We shan’t make it to the pool in the temple, for I am about to drown you in this one!”

 

            Tutting her with a playful smile on her lips, Kara’s eyes sparkled, “well now, my love, that is not a kind thing to say to the woman who is about to become your wife. In fact, I am still your queen, and that is a punishable offence.”

 

            “Well, punish me later,” Lena shrugged, before she cracked a wide smile and splashed water in Kara’s face, watching as she spluttered in indignation.

 

            It took them longer than anticipated to finish bathing, but eventually they were both dressed and drying their hair as they walked back up to their chambers, hands linked and laughing as they enjoyed each others company and buzzed with excitement. The rest of the castle was alive too, with new torches replacing the old ones and servants rushing past with bundles of all the red, blue and yellow flowers that could be scrounged up this late in the year. The colours of House El. The colours of the house that Lena was marrying into – again. The smell of the feast being prepared in the kitchen wafted through the castle, and Kara’s stomach grumbled in anticipation of the wonderful food, and she pulled Lena along a bit faster so that she could eat breakfast sooner.

 

            In their chambers, the two girls quickly changed into the dresses that had been prepared especially for this day. Kara wore a rich blue one - the colour of her house - with the red and yellow coat of arms splayed on her chest and poppies embroidered on the cuffs of her sleeves and the hem of the dress. Lena wore a deep green that brought out the colour of her eyes, with yellow and golden flowers embroidered on her own dress as a gesture of her love to her sun kissed queen. Kara thought she looked beautiful, and Lena returned the thoughts. Kara helped Lena pin her hair back, and wore her own down at Lena’s insistence, her golden curls spilling down the her lower back. Ever since Rhea had chopped all her hair out, Lena had insisted on Kara wearing it down at every opportunity, running through her hands through the locks and smiling. Retrieving her golden crown, Kara settled it down on her head, before the heavy red cloak of the queen was draped around her shoulders, the heavy fur mantle weighing her down. Eventually they were ready, and they both made their way down to the courtyard, where lords and ladies were gathered waiting for them. Alex was stood outside, holding Lara in her arms, and the baby was smiling as her aunt hoisted her up to look at her mother’s. She wore a small blue dress with the crest of House El and the same golden flowers that Lena’s dress bore, her blue eyes crinkling as she clumsily waved her arms around. Lena laughed, walking over to her daughter and running a hand over her black curls, before placing a kiss on her forehead.

 

            “You must walk from here,” Eliza said from behind her copper mask, approaching the two girls and speaking to Lena, “for the coronation.” Nodding Lena swallowed the lump in her throat, glancing at Kara to calm herself down.

 

            Reaching out to take Lena’s hand in her own, Kara gave her a reassuring smile, “I shall walk beside you. In this, and all other things.”

 

            Giving her a relieved smile, Lena nodded, and Kara quickly slipped her boots off and wiggled her toes at the feeling of the cool flagstones beneath her feet. Slipping her hand into Lena’s, Kara turned her gaze forward, and, together, they both started walking across the courtyard. Taking the lead, they walked down the drawbridge, and the rest of their party fell into place and the procession towards the city began.

 

\---

 

            The walk to the middle of the city was more bearable than the one Kara had had to suffer through alone for her own coronation, and she couldn’t stop glancing at Lena, sharing happy smiles and quick laughs as they carefully picked their way towards the city. Eventually the towering temple was spread out before them, and everyone in the city had turned out to watch their queen wed her beloved and crown her queen too. It wasn’t something to miss. Everyone assembled themselves around the base of the white steps, and Kara and Lena mounted them, with Eliza in tow, to speak their wedding vows beneath Rao’s tree.

 

            Gingerly stepping into the cold water, soaking the hems of their dresses, Kara and Lena crossed over to the base of the tree, and just by glancing into Lena’s nervous green eyes, Kara knew that she was remembering the last time that they had stood beneath these very branches. A few red leaves floated on the top of the water, and Kara looked upwards, a slight smile gracing her lips as she saw the weak sunlight streaming down and turning the tree to fire. The Gods were here today, bearing witness as she tied herself to her true love, and Kara looked back down, meeting Lena’s gaze with tears in her eyes.

 

            Kara took Lena’s other hand in her own, and they stood face to face as Eliza approached, holding a long piece of string in her hands. Patiently, Kara watched as her mother bound her and Lena’s hands together, and she knew that beneath the mask of copper, Eliza would be smiling proudly and happily as her daughter claimed her hearts desire and took charge of her own future. The city was quiet around them, and the two girl’s hearts beat loudly as they waited with anticipation for Eliza to speak the prayers to the Gods, asking them to bless the union. Once she was finished, she looked at the two girls, her blue eyes slightly teary as she looked at Kara. “Speak the marriage vows now.”

 

“You cannot possess me, for I belong to myself

But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give

You cannon command me, for I am a free person

But I shall serve you in those ways you require

I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night and

the eyes into which I smile in the morning

I pledge to you the first bite of my meat and the first drink from my cup

I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care

I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine

I shall not slander you, nor you me

I shall honor you above all others, and when we quarrel we shall do so in

private and tell no strangers our grievances

This is my wedding vow to you

This is the marriage of equals.”

 

            Both of them were crying as they spoke the words, their voices ringing out loud and clear in the stillness of the city, no doubts of hesitations in their voices as the spoke. Dripping some of the water from the pool over both of their heads, Eliza ordered them to seal their vows with a kiss, and Kara’s lips urgently found Lena’s. She didn’t think they’d ever had such a perfect kiss, despite the fact that tears ran down their faces, mingling with the blessed water. They both smiled into is, and Kara knew that she would never feel a happiness like this again ever in her life, but she would carry this moment with her forever, remembering the love and joy as she bound herself to Lena, completely. They pulled back, laughing as they wiped away each others tears with gentle fingers.

 

            “In the sight of the Gods and men, you are wed, and bound to each other by a sacred vow,” Eliza declared, a smile in her voice as she loudly declared them wed. A cheer swept through the throngs of people gathered around, and Kara and Lena slowly wade over to the edge of the pool, letting Eliza unbind their hands before Kara climbed out, leaving Lena to stand in the water as she walked out of the temple and down to where the rest of her family was waiting for her, taking Lara off Alex and kissing her on her forehead.

 

            And then came the coronation.

 

            Through the open arches of the temple, Kara watched as Lena washed the dirt of the road from her feet, and then washed her hands too, before climbing out of the pool and kneeling before Eliza and she took on her duties as High Priestess and started muttering a long prayer. Reciting the rites and laws, the history of the gods and their divine power that they used to favour Lena’s reign, Kara watched on with pride in her eyes. As her prayers came to an end, Eliza reached down and let her fingers dip into the cool water for a moment, before tilting Lena’s bowed head up and letting a few drops fall onto the middle of her forehead, before Lena kissed her fingertips, clasped her hand over her heart and bowed her head towards the tree in the middle of the pool, out of respect for the Gods.

 

            Kara stood proudly looking on as Lena and Eliza walked over to the top of the steps, watching as Lena knelt and repeated the vows that she herself had made not quite three years ago. It seemed so long ago, and Kara couldn’t help but think about how much they had grown, how much everything had changed. They had changed for the better though, and now, she was at liberty to marry the person who had held her heart since they were children, and she was being crowned queen.

 

            The sword that had belonged to House El – and would’ve been used in Kara’s coronation, if not for the god sword – was placed in Lena’s hands as she knelt before Eliza, followed by a heavy red cloak that Kara realised had belonged to her mother, and was almost exactly the same as her father’s one she wore now. Lastly came the golden crown, just as plain as Kara’s - beautiful in its simplicity - and Kara smiled widely as Eliza placed the crown on Lena’s head, the circlet nestling down on her dark hair.

 

            As soon as she was proclaimed queen, Lena rose to her feet, her eyes locking onto Kara’s as Eliza shouted, “all hail the queen,” and everyone sank to their knees, bowing their heads. Everyone except Kara, who held Lara tightly in her arms, glowing with pride as she smiled tearfully at Lena. As Lena walked down the steps, Kara stepped forward, meeting her new queen halfway and giving her a quick kiss, before she let Lena take Lara off her.

 

            “I’m proud of you, my love,” Kara said, her eyes crinkling as she looked at Lena with awe and adoration, “my wife, my _queen_.”

 

            “I love you,” Lena said, reaching out to cup Kara’s cheek and stroke her thumb over her cheekbone. “I am yours now, forever.”

 

            Laughing, Kara turned back to the cheering crowds of people, picking out the faces of those she knew: Alex and Maggie; Lillian; James and Lucy; J’onn and M’gann; Reign, who was leading over two white stallions with blankets of red, yellow and blue flowers over their flanks; Roulette, looking on with a slight smirk on her lips; Jack and Psi, who had a hand on her slightly swollen belly as her husband gave Kara and Lena a warm smile. Everyone that Kara had ever met – had ever called friend, or owed something to – all the ones that were still _alive_ , they were all here. They all stood as a witness to her love for Lena, and Lena’s love in return, and Kara couldn’t keep the smile from her face.

 

            Thanking Reign, Kara swung herself up into her saddle, before reaching down for Lara. Lena handed their daughter up to Kara, before she swung up onto her own horse, her golden crown shining brightly in the autumn sun, and they both looked at each other, unspoken words of love passing between the two of them, before they set off back to the castle. Back to their home, where a matching throne had been moved onto the platform beside Kara’s.

 

\---

 

            The hour was late, and the two newly wed queens snuck away from the feast and dancing that ranged on around them. Lara was already asleep, upstairs with the nurse, and their friends and family were happing twirling along to the music, watching acrobats tumble or enjoying the delicacies and wine spread out around the throne room.

 

            “Where are we going?” Lena asked as Kara led her up and up and up. Giddy with love and excitement, and slightly tipsy from wine and ale, the two of them laughed as they made their way up spiral staircases and down narrow passageways.

 

            “To the very top,” Kara vaguely replied, and Lena let out a snort of laughter, giving her hand a squeeze. She spoke truly though, and they came out on a tiny rampart at the top of the castle, looking out at the sight of Kandor city in the distance, tiny pricks of light piercing the blackness of the night. And then there were more lights appearing on the lawn behind the castle, and Kara smiled widely as the lanterns glowed far below them. In the dark, they were easy to make out, and so was the pattern they made – _K & L_. Laughing in delight, Lena looked at Kara who was busy lighting a small candle, which she held up and gave a little wave, before setting it down on the edge of the wall and turning to look at Lena. The moon danced over their faces, and Lena’s face was lit up with love and wonder as she brushed Kara’s hair out of her face and leant in to softly kiss her.

 

            Kara smiled into the kiss, pulling Lena close for a moment, before she pulled away. “Look.” At Kara’s words, Lena looked back over the side of the ramparts, down at the lawn, where the lanterns had been let free, and were now travelling upwards, swirling in the breeze and lighting up the night’s sky. “You were right – there is magic to be found in the night. Who needs the sun when I have you?”

 

            Lena laughed, resting her forehead against Kara’s as she brought her hands up to caress her face. Kara smiled, taking one of Lena’s hands in her own and placing the other on her waist, slowly swaying back and forth in a slow dance. Cupping the back of Kara’s neck, Lena rested her head on Kara’s shoulder, closing her eyes as she breathed in the familiar perfume that Kara wore, listened to the sound of her steady heartbeat, and relaxing into the warm feeling of her hand in hers and the gentle brush of Kara’s lips against her temple.

 

            “All of it is meaningless without you.”


	60. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so here's a short epilogue set like 7 years in the future, just for a little bit of fluffy family stuff to wrap up the story bc some of you did want it

           “Mother!”

 

           Kara and Lena both looked up, their faces lighting up at the sound of Lara calling to one of them. Taking in the scene of their daughter running towards them with a massive sword clutched in her arms, both of their eyes widened and Lena scrambled to her feet. “Lara! Do _not_ run with a sword in you arms! Alex, I'm going to bloody kill you!” Lena yelled, watching as their daughter laughed, her dark curls streaming out behind her as she crushed the red poppies underfoot.

 

           Letting out a groan, Kara looked at Alex, who was tossing a little blonde haired girl up into the air as she laughed. “Alex! Stop giving my daughter your sword!” Kara shouted, watching her sister catch her other daughter and laugh, setting her down on the ground and ruffling her hair.

 

           From the canopy of the tree above Kara, a quick laugh broke out, and she glanced up to see Maggie perched on one of the branches as she watched her wife and nieces make the Queen’s nerves bad. Kara gave her an exasperated look, and Maggie shrugged as she flashed her dimples at Kara, swinging down from the tree and landing quietly on the grass below. Alex approached, holding the hand of Kara and Lena’s other daughter.

 

           “Luna, come here, darling,” Kara said, opening her arms for the little girl to run into them. Laughing as she barrelled into her, Kara brushed the golden curls back out of her youngest daughter’s face, taking in the sparkling green eyes and gap-toothed smile. “Gods, you’re as wild as your mother was when we were young.”

 

           Lena made a sound of protest as she approached with Alex’s sword in hand, handing it off to her sister with a look of warning, before she turned to Kara and arched an eyebrow. “Me? I believe it was _you_ who used to get _me_ into trouble with my mother, not the other way around. Don’t listen to her, darling,” Lena said, smiling at Luna, “you’re not as wild as me … you’re as wild as your mother. And you, my little star,” Lena said, tickling Lara, “are as _stubborn_ as your mother, and should not run with swords in hand in case you fall and hurt yourself.”

 

           “But Aunt Alex said I’m big enough to learn how to fight now!” Lara protested, stubbornly jutting her chin forward as she furrowed her brow into an expression that looked so much like Lena’s, that Kara had to bite back a smile. Lena was definitely the more stubborn of the two of them, and Lena was right that Lara took after her mother … just not Kara.

 

           Smoothing her daughter’s hair, Lena leant down and kissed the top of her head, “seven is too young to play with big swords, my love. We’ll have a small one made for you at the castle if you’d like. One that you can swing around easily.”

 

           “Really?” Lara asked, clutching at the front of Lena’s tunic as she looked up at her mother with a hopeful expression.

 

           “Yes, really,” Lena said, wrapping her arms around her daughter as she met Kara’s questioning gaze, giving her a helpless shrug. From the moment that she’d first sworn to Kara that she was all in, she had loved their daughter dearly, and there was nothing in the world she could deny her – not even a sword – and Kara rolled her eyes as she smiled at the way her wife was so quick to give into whatever their little girl’s asked of them.

 

           “Luna, what do you have in your hands?” Kara asked, picking up a plum as she looked at what her daughter was trying to conceal behind her back.

 

           With a bright smile, she produced a knife, holding it out before her for both of her mother’s to see, “a knife!”

 

           “No!” Kara exclaimed, holding her hand out, “give that to mother. Gods, where did you even- Alex! _Stop_ giving my daughter’s weapons! She’s barely five! You’ll have her wanting to be in full armour by next spring!”

 

           “Well, the Military Guild is always look for new soldiers,” Alex said, smiling at her niece in amusement as she waved the knife around, “how about that princess? Do you want to come with your aunt and help save the kingdom, little Luna?”

 

           “Yes!” the little girl giggled, brandishing the knife and laughing as Lena tried to make a grab for the knife before her daughter hurt herself. She wasn’t quick enough though, and Luna laughed as she started running off, quickly followed by Lara, who urged her sister on.

 

           “Fuck!” Lena loudly swore, climbing to her feet again and chasing after the two princesses.

 

           Alex and Maggie laughed as they looked on in amusement, and Kara groaned, putting her head in her hands. “Girls! Block out your mother’s words!” Kara shouted after them as she listened to Lena’s curses as she tried to take the knife off their youngest daughter.

 

           Even as she watched, Kara burst into laughter, watching as Lena managed to get the knife off her youngest daughter, lifting her over her shoulder as they both laughed. Laughing even more, Kara watched as Lara jumped onto Lena’s back, throwing her arms around Lena’s neck and urging her onwards, and with an exasperated look, her wife dutifully made her way back to the three watching women with both of their daughters.

 

           “One for you,” Lena proclaimed, holding a giggling Luna out to Kara, who reached out for her and gave her a kiss as she fixed the girl’s rumpled tunic. Lara slid off Lena’s back and ran over to Maggie, who stumbled slightly as she girl barrelled into her, hugging her tightly around the waist, and began begging Maggie to teach her how to shoot the bow that was almost as big as she was, much to everyone’s amusement.

 

           Sitting down on the blankets spread out around them, Lena smiled brightly at Kara, her cheeks slightly flushed and her eyes sparkling with amusement. Leaning in, Kara gave Lena a brief kiss, laughing when Luna demanded a kiss off both of them too, and then Kara settled the little girl between them and handed her one of the honey cakes packed into the basket of food they’d brought with them. Running her hands through the golden curls, so like her own, Kara smiled lovingly at their daughter. It hadn’t taken the two queen’s long to realise that they wanted another child – they loved Lara with all their hearts, and Kara wanted her to have someone, like she’d had Alex – and they’d adopted her off one of the noble girls who had died during childbirth, with no husband and no family left alive who wanted to care for the child. She had been crowned the Princess of Thorul, and the sole inheritor of the Luthor land and titles, ensuring that Lena’s house endured, much to Lillian’s appreciation. They had named her Luna, because she’d been born during a full moon, and it had become a running joke at the fair nature of her looks, with her sun kissed hair, green eyes and tanned skin. She was the vision of summer. Yet, Kara had always insisted that she was the perfect mix of her and Lena, and so was Lara. The two girls were as warm and open as Kara, with the fierce determination, intellect and stubbornness of Lena, much to the delight of their mother’s. They loved to spend nights out on the lawn behind the castle, looking up at the stars as their mother’s pointed out different constellations, and Lena whispered stories about the Gods and other legends of the stars to them. They did everything they'd ever sworn they would do, and Kara cherished every single moment of it, knowing just how hard her and Lena had to fight to make it to this point.

 

           Kara wouldn’t have changed anything for the world, and as she looked around at her wife, daughter’s and sister, she couldn’t imagine being any happier. It almost seemed too good to be true, to be happy for _years_ , and it had taken her and Lena some time to realise that this was there life now. They were happy – happy _together_ – with a family of their own, and a kingdom flourishing under the guidance of its two queens. Looking at Lena who was laughing as she let Luna weave poppies into her dark hair, watching Lara as she struggled to draw back the bowstring on Maggie’s bow, and Kara couldn’t help but smile.

 

           There was nothing else to explain how lucky she was, and she silently thanked the Gods as she basked in the warmth of the summer sun shining brightly overhead. After everything, she couldn’t help but think that maybe she had been blessed by Rao the day she was born.

 

           Perhaps she _had_ been kissed by the sun.


End file.
